A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes
by confettirainfall
Summary: Bella's life is full of trauma/tragedy; a child the 1st time her path crosses w/the Cullens; how does Edward resist his singer? What does Bella think of family that saves her time and again? Rating change-M; limes in Ch 11,future lemons AU Canon Couples
1. Chapter 1 First Sight

A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes

**DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer owns the entire Twilight Series, Edward, Bella and all other characters mentioned in this story. No copyright infringement is intended – I'm just having fun!**

**Author's Note: A special shout out goes to my great Beta – TwilightMomofTwo. If you've never read her stories, you're missing out. You can check out her stories under my favorites. Enjoy!**

**Okay, as the saying goes, on with the show**

**Chapter 1 – First Sight**

**BPOV**

Looking back, it's amazing I made it this far. My life has been a roller coaster ride and most of the time the ride wasn't worth the price of admission. As much as I enjoy amusement parks, they aren't always fun when your stomach ends up in your throat doing the tango. Even during the most difficult times, I've tried to be a "glass half full" kind of person, but life kept throwing me curveballs. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I tried, my perspective changed from "the glass is half full" to "the glass is half empty" to "the damn glass broke and I cut my finger cleaning up the pieces."

I should have died at the age of seven, but I didn't. I now know how I survived not only that day but each and every incident, tragedy, and drama that surrounded my life and it's all because of him. My family thought I was their "miracle child" since I seemed to slip through Death's grasp so many times, but I know the real reason. It was him. All along.

Today I am happy – extremely so. Today my glass is not broken – it's full and overflowing and it will never be empty again. Today I am safe – better than safe, actually. Today is my wedding day and I am marrying _him_ – my very own Prince Charming. He doesn't believe he's good enough, but I know he is, and I will spend the rest of my life convincing him. Life couldn't get any better than this, or could it? Well, if I was honest with myself there was one thing that would make it better. If only he could hear the truest desire of my heart – if only he would give me the only wedding gift I would ever want. So far, he has resisted, denied me that gift, but I haven't given up hope that one day he will give in.

Everyone has childhood experiences that stick out more than others. Perhaps it's a special birthday or a certain Christmas. Perhaps it's Thanksgiving dinner when all the family gets together and shares food and fun or maybe it's a school event such as prom or graduation. Unfortunately, most of my significant childhood memories are not pleasant. Most people enjoy looking back, but I've never wanted to hold onto my childhood or the memories. However, if there was a silver lining in that dark cloud, it was him.

Twenty-one years ago I was born in Phoenix, Arizona to Charlie and Renee Swan. From the time I arrived home from the hospital, we had only lived with Grandma and Grandpa Higginbotham. Well, actually my mom and I lived with them. My dad was in the Army. Charlie and Renee had attended high school together but after graduation Charlie attended college at West Point while Renee went to Arizona State University. Their relationship struggled during those early years, but it survived and they were married after graduation when they were twenty-two. Charlie's military career had been quite prestigious but the demands often kept him away from Renee. Instead of living alone in military housing, Renee chose to remain in Arizona which was one of the reasons I didn't come along until they had been married for about ten years. Both Charlie and Renee had wanted children early in their marriage, but it didn't work out that way so they were extremely happy when I was born.

Charlie was the best dad ever when he was around, but even after I was born he wasn't around much. It was partly by choice but mainly out of duty. While Renee continued to struggle with Charlie's absence, my grandparents took care of me. Renee did her best, but she really missed Charlie – all the time – and her loneliness seemed to consume her. On her best days Renee was mildly attentive. From time to time I would hear my grandparents described Renee as hare-brained. On her worst days she sat in front of the television or out on the porch bench staring into space. At least by living with my grandparents I wasn't alone and they enjoyed having me around – especially since I was named after both my grandmothers – Isabella and Marie – though everyone called me Bella.

By the time I turned seven, Charlie had been in the Army for seventeen years and was still going strong. Renee had hoped he would retire after twenty years of service, but Charlie didn't want to leave the military. This caused a bit of contention to say the least, but when Charlie mentioned taking a tour overseas, Renee almost seemed happy. Charlie thought he would be home more with this new assignment so she agreed to follow him. Before I realized what was happening, we moved from the safety and security of my grandparents' home – the only home I had ever known – to a new place, a new country. For the next three years we would live in Germany. Charlie shipped out the week before Renee and I were scheduled to leave. When it was time for us to go, my grandparents drove us to the Sky Harbor International Airport in Phoenix so we could catch our flight to New York. The flight seemed to take forever and just as I was getting anxious, the pilot announced we had arrived in Chicago. I was confused and asked, "Mommy, I thought we were going to New York."

"We are, Bella, but we need to get off this plane and catch another one which will take us to New York."

I knew Renee was a little bit angry. We had never gone far from my grandparents' home before and now we were going half way around world, as Renee put it, and she was all alone with me. Renee wasn't happy at all that Charlie had left before us and she was ready for this trip to be over. As we got off the plane, all I saw was a sea of people. Walking through the crowds, I did my best to hold onto Renee for dear life. My mother was known for "temporarily misplacing" me as she chose to call it – once in the grocery store, a time or two at the mall, and even once in a movie theater. This day didn't seem to be any exception – Renee didn't notice that I was struggling with my heavy backpack and I ended up losing sight of my mom.

As I was pushed about by all the people around me, I felt a hand on the small of my back. I started to relax when I thought Renee had found me but was surprised by what I saw when I looked up. Instead of Renee, who was herself pretty, there stood a beautiful lady, looking down at me. She had caramel-colored hair, gold eyes and pale skin. Immediately, I thought of Snow White.

"Oh dear, what have we here?" she asked.

"I lost my mommy," I said, my lips starting to tremble. Even though this was not the first time Renee had lost me, it was still upsetting.

"Oh, don't worry, sweetheart, we'll find her. Do you know where you're going?"

"New York," I replied, trying to sound more grown up than my seven years.

Snow White, as I decided to call the pretty lady, bent down and asked, "Can I pick you up? It might be easier for you to see your mom if you're a bit higher off the ground."

I didn't think she would be able to lift me – Renee refused to carry me anymore, saying I wasn't a baby even though I wasn't very heavy. But all I could see were legs from where I was so I answered, "Yes, please."

As the nice lady lifted me up, she gave me a quick hug, kind of like my mom did sometimes and I couldn't help but relax a little bit. I was about to ask where we were going when I realized she felt hard and cold. I wondered if this was how the Snow White in my storybook felt to the Prince when he kissed her. Whenever Renee used to carry me, she felt soft and warm, but somehow I didn't feel uncomfortable. As I looked out into the crowd it seemed everyone moved out of our way as we walked by. Then I noticed a man following us. Snow White looked at me again, turning her head and said, "My name is Esme and this is my husband, Carlisle."

Carlisle looked like someone I had seen on TV. He had blond hair and was very tall, definitely taller than Charlie. He had the same gold eyes as Esme; however, his eyes looked tired and had circles under them. Charlie often had circles under his eyes when he came home after being away for a while. I wondered if this man was in the Army, too. Carlisle didn't seem to mind that his wife had stopped to help a perfect stranger – he seemed nice, like my dad. Then he smiled at me. I think he could tell how alone I felt.

Before I could think anymore about Carlisle, Esme pointed to another tall man who was standing behind Carlisle and said, "This is my son, Edward."

I had noticed the other man – Edward – out of the corner of my eye as Esme was speaking and when I turned to look at him I realized how handsome he was. I loved "Sleeping Beauty" – it was my absolute favorite movie – and Edward reminded me of Prince Phillip. I started to giggle as I realized that my prince had come to life. I wanted to reach out and touch him to make sure he was real; but I was too nervous so I just stared at him, smiling. One other thing I noticed was his hair, which was sort of messy, but perfect at the same time. The color was different, no boys I knew had that color, yet it almost reminded me of my own hair which was brown and bronze. Edward was tall, too, just like Carlisle.

At first I thought I saw a small smile on his face and I wondered if he liked me, too. However, as I turned my head, I felt a breeze blow through my hair. I had been holding onto Esme with both hands, but when my hair blew through the air it got all messed up and was now in my face. Using one hand, while holding on to Esme with the other, I straightened out my hair and then looked toward Edward again. He seemed to be standing straighter than before, but not in a good way. Then he stared at me with very angry eyes. I know I'm not a real princess, but for a moment I had felt like one. Now all those happy feelings were gone and I felt very confused. I knew Edward didn't like me but I wasn't sure what I had done to make him be so mean. Before I realized what had happened, he was gone. I almost started to cry.

Esme looked down at me, "Don't worry dear," she said soothingly. "He hasn't been himself lately."

Carlisle now looked rather serious. When he finally spoke, he said, "Let's go find your mother."

However, before we could take another step, I heard, "Bella!" as I saw Renee come into view.

"Honey, what happened? Where have you been? Are you all right?" Her questions ran together so quickly I barely understood what she was saying.

"I'm okay, mommy. These nice people were going to help me find you." Renee looked a little apprehensive as she gazed toward Esme and Carlisle.

"Thank you," she said. "Thank you for finding my Bella."

Esme smiled and stepped forward, making sure Renee had a firm grip on me before saying, "You're very welcome. I'm Esme and this is my husband, Carlisle."

Renee shook their hands, looking down as she realized how cold and hard both their grips were. "Well, we best be on our way," Renee said as she nodded toward Esme and Carlisle before turning and walking away with me, a firm grasp of my hand.

Soon we were on our plane headed to New York and before I knew it, we were on our way to Germany – our new home.

-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o

**EPOV**

When you've lived as long as I have with the gift that was conferred upon me, there are no such things as surprises – they don't exist for me, at least, not until _that_ day. Fourteen years is a blink of an eye to my kind. Such a short time span is hardly worth recalling; however, that's the day I started to live again. Those years weren't easy – difficult is a better word, even gut-wrenching at times – but each and every moment was worth the cost to bring me to where I am today. This is my wedding day and I'm marrying the woman of dreams, my soul mate, my everything, my world. I will never be good enough to deserve her, but inexplicably she wants me, and I know I can't live without her. My life couldn't be more perfect than it is today; however, things weren't always so clear.

The day that changed my life began pretty much like any other day – showering, dressing and greeting my parents before getting into the Mercedes and heading for the airport. Nothing unusual about traveling with my father and mother, Carlisle and Esme, who had decided we should go to Europe and meet up with my siblings. We were going to spend some time traveling together – all seven of us – as it had been over a year since we had been together. Our home in Chicago was large enough for everyone, but there were times when we just needed our own space. The past year had been like that.

Emmett and Rosalie had left for another "honeymoon" in Europe while Alice and Jasper traveled throughout South America. Carlisle had been working at Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago which was one of the country's premier academic medical centers, and served as the primary teaching hospital for Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine. Carlisle had always enjoyed keeping up with the latest advancements in healthcare which were currently provided through his affiliations with these fine institutions. Esme was once again renovating our home in Gold Coast, one of the more prestigious neighborhoods in Chicago. Unlike many of the residents, we lived there for its proximity to the hospital, even though it was one of the most expensive and exclusive neighborhoods in Chicago.

Our drive to the airport was quiet. Well, it would have been had I not been able to hear all the voices around me. Even the soundproof Mercedes could not keep out the torrential downpour of noises which invaded my mind. The closer we got to Chicago's O'Hare International Airport the worse it became. I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose as if this action would drown out the cacophony of thoughts tormenting my brain, but of course nothing really worked. This was something I had learned to live with.

My parents knew how crowds affected me so I wasn't surprised when Esme thought, _"How are you holding up, Edward?"_

"I'll be okay," I replied.

Although they loved all their children, I knew I held a special place in my parents' hearts and I was always touched when they showed concern for me. I know what it was like to live without them for a time and ever since I had returned, I had never taken their love for granted. Our flight to New York would be quick and then we'd be traveling from New York to the Frankfurt International Airport where we would meet up with Emmett, Rosalie, Alice and Jasper. We would continue our journey and join our good friends, Tanya, Irina and Kate, although they were more like family. It had been quite a while since we'd seen each other and everyone was looking forward to traveling through Europe together.

It wasn't long before we had parked the Mercedes, checked our luggage, made our way through security and were heading through the masses when Esme's phone rang.

"Alice, how are you, dear?" my mother said, "We didn't expect to hear from you so soon."

"I don't have much time," I heard Alice say, "Quickly head towards Gate 25 – you'll find her there. She needs your help. Please hurry!" Alice was almost begging.

"Okay, don't worry. We'll go there now," Esme stated before closing her phone.

"_I wonder what's happening," _Carlisle thought to himself.

"_I hope we can get there in time,"_ Esme mused.

I wasn't the only person in the family who had a gift – Alice had the gift of Sight or seeing the future, although nothing about the future was ever certain. Alice's visions were only clear as long as the decisions which influenced those visions did not change; however, if someone changed their direction or course of action, Alice's visions would adjust to accommodate the new choices made. Therefore, I was unsure what prompted Alice's phone call and was unaware of who Alice had been talking about. Nevertheless, she seemed very anxious so we were searching for some woman who needed our help near Gate 25.

It didn't take long before Esme stopped and looked down. _"Oh, that poor dear – I'm sure this is who Alice saw."_

"_Who would leave a child alone? Especially in a crowded airport?"_ Carlisle questioned silently.

As I listened to my parents, I followed their gaze until it fell upon a young girl who couldn't have been older than seven or eight. She appeared to be very fair-skinned and her long, wavy, brown hair almost resembled mine as it had bronze highlights flowing through it. Her eyes were chocolate brown and very expressive. Her heart-shaped face resembled Esme, although the girl's cheekbones were more prominent. This girl-child had a thin nose and a narrow jaw with a pointed chin. Her lips were a little out of proportion, a bit too full for her jaw line and her eyebrows were darker than her hair and more straight than they were arched. She appeared to be about four feet tall and probably weighed about fifty pounds. Her build was slender but still that of a child and her fingers were stubby with short fingernails. I found myself wondering what she'd look like when she got older. If my guesses were correct, she'd probably be about five feet four inches tall and would weigh about one hundred fifteen pounds upon reaching maturity.

Although those thoughts passed through my mind in mere seconds, I wondered why they had even occurred to me at all. I never put much thought into humans, trying to avoid personal interaction whenever possible. Usually hearing their thoughts was bad enough – I had no idea what prompted me to think about this young girl. So quickly that neither Carlisle nor Esme noticed my daze, I cleared my head when I realized Esme's hand was now on the small of the girl's back. She seemed to relax for a moment but when she looked up at Esme, confusion came over her face. I tried to listen to what she was thinking, but I couldn't hear even a whisper.

"Oh dear, what have we here?" Esme asked.

"I lost my mommy," the girl said, her lips trembling. Anxiety was clearly evident on her face, but there was only silence in her thoughts. I heard nothing at all and I began to feel uneasy.

Esme did her best to comfort the girl, "Oh, don't worry, sweetheart, we'll find her. Do you know where you're going?"

"New York," she replied, trying to sound more grown up than she was. I chuckled under my breath.

I was about to speak when Esme asked, "Can I pick you up? It might be easier for you to see your mom if you're a bit higher off the ground."

Again her emotions flew across her face – surprise, confusion, curiosity – and yet all I got was silence. This was nothing I had ever encountered before. Was there something wrong with me? I felt exactly the same way as I always did. Worried, I listened harder but all I heard were her words as she answered Esme, "Yes, please."

Esme raised the girl from the ground and drew her into her chest, giving her a gentle hug in the process. Almost at once the lovely child began to relax; however, at that moment some realization came to her. I listened harder, hearing every insignificant thing around me, every thought I didn't want to hear, but there was nothing at all from her even though she was just a few feet in front of me. Usually people's thoughts came to them in a similar pitch as their physical voices, but this quiet, shy voice was unfamiliar, not one of the hundreds of mental signatures bouncing around me.

Up until this time, she hadn't paid attention to either Carlisle or me, but it was clear that she noticed how the crowd parted as we walked. It was then that she saw Carlisle. Esme looked at the child again, turning her head and saying, "My name is Esme and this is my husband, Carlisle."

As she gazed at Carlisle I could almost see the questions running across her face and yet her mind was still closed to me. I had hoped that her expressions would help me pinpoint the tone of her thoughts which were lost somewhere where I couldn't access them, but I was mistaken. She continued to watch Carlisle's face as he gazed compassionately upon her. More emotions flew across her face, but I was still deaf to her thoughts.

Lost in my own mind, I never heard Esme before she spoke out loud, pointing to me and saying, "This is my son, Edward."

I couldn't help but notice the shy smile that came upon her face as the young beauty stared at me. I knew how attractive we all were to the humans around us, but I couldn't help but contain a slight grin at the thought that this young, innocent human might admire me. She seemed to notice the smile on my face; however, at that moment a slight breeze blew toward me as the heat kicked on and stirred the air around her. Her scent hit me like a wrecking ball or a battering ram. There was no image violent enough to encapsulate the force of what happened to me in that moment. In that instant, I was nothing close to the human I had once been; no trace of the shreds of humanity I'd managed to cloak myself in remained.

I was a predator and she was my prey. There was nothing else in the whole world but that truth. However, I quickly realized that I was in an airport full of witnesses, including my parents. There was absolutely no way I could act on these horrific impulses, but the monster in me growled with its dark desires. The mystery of her thoughts was long forgotten – they meant nothing. I was a vampire and she had the sweetest blood I'd smelled in nearly eighty years. I hadn't imagined such a scent could exist. If I'd known it did, I would have gone searching for it. I would have combed the planet for her. I could already imagine the taste.

Thirst burned through my throat like fire. My mouth was baked – desiccated – and the fresh flow of venom did nothing to dispel the sensation. My stomach twisted with the hunger that was echoed in my thirst. Not a full second had passed. She was still staring at me with a look of horror on her face, still in Esme's arms.

The shock on the face I saw in front of me tore through me, ripping a hole in my silent heart, momentarily allowing me to shove the despicable monster back down. Even at her young age, she seemed to process the expression on my face, blood flooded in her cheeks turning her skin the most delicious color I'd ever seen. The scent was a thick haze in my brain and I could barely think it through.

Her scent continued to swirl around me. The demon inside me wanted to grab the girl, shove my mother out of the way and run.

_NO! _

I could not do this – not here, but the monster within continued to argue with me. Her scent was the most mouth-watering form of punishment I had ever experienced. I foolishly took another deep breath and the scent was like a fire that raced through my dry veins, burning out from my chest. Without realizing what I was doing, I took one step closer to her and the monster in my head smiled a wicked smile full of anticipation.

Suddenly I felt a firm, strong hand on my shoulder. I didn't look to see who had touched me for I knew it was Carlisle. The demon inside my cold, hard body was attempting to block my father's thoughts but I knew he was pleading with me and for one short second I was able to think clearly. Even though I was having a hard time hearing Carlisle's voice since the monster inside wouldn't allow me to focus long enough to comprehend my father's thoughts, I heard one phrase, one expression – La Cantante. Had I heard those words before? What did they mean?

Before I could really comprehend what Carlisle had thought, I saw two faces in my head, side by side. One was mine, or rather had been: it was the red-eyed monster from my past that had killed so many people. At the time I had convinced myself that those slayings were rationalized, justified murders. I had been a killer of killers, a killer of other, less powerful monsters. I had been playing God and I knew it, I had acknowledged that decades ago, when I decided who should live and who should die. I had fed on human blood, but my victims were barely more human than I was – they were the evil, the despicable, the outcasts of human society who preyed on the innocent, the good.

The other face I saw was Carlisle's.

There was no resemblance between the two faces. They were as different as the brightest day and the blackest night. There was no reason for there to be a resemblance. Carlisle was not my father in the basic biological sense. We shared no common features. The similarity in our coloring was a product of what we were – every vampire had the same wintry shade of pale skin. The similarity in the color of our eyes was another matter – a reflection of a mutual choice. And yet though there was no basis for a resemblance, I'd imagined that my face had begun to reflect his, to an extent, in the last seventy-odd years as I embraced his choice and followed in his steps.

My features had not changed, but it seemed to me like some of his wisdom had marked my expression, that a little of his compassion could be traced in the shape of my mouth, and hints of his patience were evident on my brow. But now all those tiny improvements that had taken decades to surface would be lost in one moment in the face of the monster. It wanted nothing more than to end the torture and take the girl, but those actions would leave me with nothing – how could I even consider ending this precious child's life for a moment of purely evil satisfaction?

I quickly reflected on the years I'd spent with my creator, my mentor, my father in all the ways that mattered. If the abominable creature won this battle, my eyes would glow red as a devil's; all likeness would be lost forever. But Carlisle was here with me and would not allow the monster to win. My father loved me. He thought I was better than I was and he would do anything to save me from myself.

The beautiful child, still in my mother's safe, strong, protective arms, stiffened and her face was filled with fear. I would prove to my parents that I was the man they thought I was. I would find the strength to leave. I had to find a way to bury the savage beast within as it roared, trying to escape my chest. I turned my face away from her and once again I felt the strong hand resting on my shoulder trying to calm the revolting fiend that I was. I didn't know who she was or how she had come to be here, but I didn't want to be a monster. I didn't want to lose everything I'd gained in a lifetime of sacrifice and denial. I wouldn't allow it and the loathsome creature within me could not make me – I _was_ stronger. So what was the problem?

The scent was the problem, the hideously appealing scent of her blood. I had to find a way to resist. I had to clear my head – I could stop breathing. I didn't _have _to breathe. I immediately stopped the flow of air through my lungs; the relief was instantaneous, but incomplete. I still had the memory of her scent in my head, the taste of it on the back of my tongue. I just needed to resist long enough to get out of the airport. With my parents at my side, I knew I had the strength to resist that long.

It was an uncomfortable feeling, not breathing. My body did not need oxygen, but it went against my instincts. I relied on scent more than my other senses, especially in times of stress. It led the way in the hunt, it was the first warning sign of danger. I did not often come across something as dangerous as I was, but self-preservation was just as strong in my kind as in the average human.

I was uncomfortable, but it was manageable. More bearable than smelling her and not sinking my teeth through the fine, thin skin to the hot, wet pulsing –

_STOP! I must not think of the scent, the taste!_

Carlisle had not given up on me as I was finally able to hear his thoughts as they screamed into my head, _"EDWARD, YOU MUST GET OUT OF HERE. We will keep her safe. Please son, just leave. You'll feel better once you're in the fresh air. Hunt if you need to – you are stronger than you think. You __can overcome this struggle – we believe in you. Just go! GO NOW!"_

Hearing those words finally broke me out of my reverie. I couldn't walk as slowly as I should but for once I was thankful for the crowds. No one would notice me as I ran a bit too quickly through the terminal and out the airport doors to the only thing that would save me – to the only savior I could ever hope to find – fresh, clean air.


	2. Chapter 2 Travels

**DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer owns the entire Twilight Series, Edward, Bella and all other characters mentioned in this story. No copyright infringement is intended – I'm just having fun!**

**AN: Tanya is a little OOC in this chapter, but I've always imagined her being more forward in her pursuit of Edward.**

**Special thanks go to my fabulous beta, TwilightMomOfTwo. Her suggestions continue to inspire me – thanks!**

**Chapter 2 – Travels**

**BPOV**

As soon as we arrived at the Frankfurt International Airport, I began looking for my dad. I slept most of the trip and had tons of energy so I ran to Charlie the moment he came into view. Before I realized what had happened, he grabbed me up in a tight hug and swung me around before landing kisses all over my face.

"Ew, daddy, stop. That's gross," I said, scrunching up my face as Charlie laughed.

He shifted me so that I was sitting on his hip before taking Renee into his other arm. Charlie pulled her close to him and then kissed her on the cheek.

"That's all I get after a week?" she laughingly said.

Charlie spoke so quietly that I barely heard him when he said, "I'll take care of you properly later." He seemed to have a funny look on his face, but my mother must have understood what he meant because she just glowed.

Getting settled in our new home took some time. Getting settled in my new school would take even longer. I was shy and quiet so I wasn't looking forward to meeting new people and making new friends. "Daddy, I don't want to be here. I want to go to my old school," I said sadly.

"You'll be fine," Charlie said, doing his best to reassure me. "You're going to meet a lot of new kids and before you know it, it'll be time for us to go back home."

I tried to give my dad a smile, although I'm sure he saw right through me and with that I was taken into the office where I met Mrs. Smith, a gray-haired lady who reminded me of my grandmother. All of a sudden I felt like I was going to cry but I stifled my tears. My dad would fall apart if he saw me cry; then I felt Charlie's hand on my back. I looked up at him and he bent down so I could give him a kiss on the cheek before following Mrs. Smith toward my new classroom.

It was nice having Charlie around and we spent all our time together, just the three of us. I was very happy so I didn't realize how much time had passed since our arrival in Frankfurt. Before I knew it, Charlie was leaving again. This time, however, instead of having my grandparents around while my dad was away, it was just me and Mom.

As I learned over the course of the following years, being in a new place, a foreign country, was really hard on my mother. The difficulties she experienced while being away from Charlie and her parents seemed to be the impetus for her poor decisions. While I tried to be understanding it was still hard to comprehend how a mother could put her child behind her own needs and desires, but with Renee, I always seemed to take second place.

Eventually Charlie forgave Renee for most, if not all, of her poor decisions and I eventually did, too, but it took me years. I guess growing up does that to you. I now know my mother carried around a lot of guilt for many years over what happened, and although a part of me wanted her to hurt as bad as I did, I had finally let go of the hate, anger and bitterness. If I hadn't, those malicious feelings would have festered and grown until they consumed me. I wouldn't be the person I am today. I would have been something else: a monster.

**-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o**

We had lived in Frankfurt for nearly a year when we celebrated my eighth birthday. My grandparents had flown over from the States and Charlie had a month of leave time accumulated. Renee loved Charlie, he loved her and my grandparents loved them both. And of course, they all loved me. We _were_ one big happy family, at least that's what I thought. However, it was the calm before the storm.

Things started to go south the day my grandparents returned to Phoenix. Renee cried which was hard for Charlie to handle. He was never good handling emotions and tears were even worse. He blamed himself. He knew that if he had stayed in the States, Renee wouldn't be so distraught. Looking back, it was hard for me to understand. Didn't my parents discuss this decision? Didn't they jointly decide what was best for our family? For Charlie's career?

When my father's month of leave time was over, he packed up to return to his assignment. That's when Renee became unstable. Again. I think it would have been easier for her if he hadn't come home at all. Charlie literally had to pry her fingers off his uniform, and he didn't even have a chance to say goodbye to me because he ran to the car before my mother could latch herself back onto him. Once his car pulled away, Renee crumbled to the ground and I remember standing next to her for what seemed like forever while she sat sobbing on the hard, cold concrete sidewalk in front of the apartment. I felt scared and confused and none of my pleading made any difference. I tried to pull on her arms to get her up, but I wasn't strong enough. She ignored me completely.

We would have remained outside all night had a man not come over to try to help. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised that it was a man who came to our aid. I looked a lot like Renee but she was beautiful where I was not. She had shoulder-length hair which was shorter than mine but smooth and shiny. It was the perfect brown color and reminded me of chocolate. Usually her blue eyes were bright and almost glowing, a nice contrast to the color of her hair and her slightly pink skin. Renee didn't really tan, but when she got even a hint of sun she seemed to glow. My own eyes were a muddy shade of brown.

Over the years, I often heard Charlie telling Renee how stunning she was and how she took his breath away. My dad would tell me I was pretty, too, but I knew he was just trying to make me feel better – there really was no comparison between my mother and me. Unfortunately, I think all the attention Charlie piled on Renee when he was around only made matters worse when he was gone. However, even in her sorrowful state, my mother was still something to look at.

Eventually I was introduced to the man who talked with Renee that day; his name was Phil. He was married to a service woman who was away a lot, just like Charlie, so he seemed to understand what Renee was going through. Phil didn't have any children of his own, but he was always nice to me. Of course I was too young to notice at the time, but later I realized that Phil was instantly taken with Renee, as she was with him. Over the years, I tried to convince myself that Renee fell for Phil because she missed Charlie so much, but it still didn't make it right. I blamed my mother for not telling Charlie how she felt, although in her defense, Charlie didn't really discuss emotional matters well; he just put up a wall. I know he wasn't trying to be mean, but he really didn't know how to handle my mother's emotions so he just seemed to shut down. Still, I'm sure he would have done whatever he could to make things different, better, but hindsight is always 20/20 and looking back never changes the past.

I tried to block out a lot of what happened that evening, but over the years, as I my parents fought, and argued, I pieced together a few facts – the day Charlie left and Renee fell apart was the beginning of the affair between Renee and Phil. Renee and Charlie never did divorce, I guess I was lucky that way, although there were many years of anguish and turmoil before their marriage was ever right again. Eventually Charlie began to trust Renee again, and he tried to be more emotionally available, but if the affair had been the worst thing that happened during my childhood, I would have been blessed. However, Renee's indiscretions with Phil were not what caused Charlie the most pain. I think the reason it took him so long to come to grips with everything was because of what happened to me – that was the hardest thing for Charlie to forgive.

The time between my eighth birthday, Charlie leaving, my mother falling apart, and the day of the 'incident' as I call it, was nearly a year. I didn't realize it at the time, but have since discovered it was actually about a month before my ninth birthday. Charlie would be home again and my grandparents were planning another visit just like they had for my eighth birthday. I was really excited because I missed both my dad and my grandparents, although Phil was around a lot.

I wasn't surprised that Charlie knew about Phil – my mother was smart enough to tell Charlie a little about Phil in case I mentioned Phil to Charlie, but my dad was too trusting. He loved Renee so much that it never occurred to him that there was more going on. Or maybe he just didn't want to know since he blamed himself for Renee being alone in a strange place. I think Charlie even met Phil once but it didn't bother him in the least. Charlie was happy that there was a _married _man close by in case Renee had car trouble or something like that.

The day of the 'incident' started out as a good day – we were going to celebrate my ninth birthday a little early. Phil had decided to take Renee and me out and the first thing we did was go to the movies – Disney's 'Hercules' had just been released and I couldn't wait to see it. Phil got me popcorn, a drink and even Twizzlers – I loved the strawberry ones. After the movie we went to a toy store where Phil told me that I was allowed to pick out anything I wanted.

I enjoyed getting presents from my family, but I hated being the center of attention, and I really disliked people watching me while I unwrapped gifts. Attention was the one part of birthdays and Christmases I didn't like. However, since Phil wasn't going to wrap the present and there were only the three of us, I didn't mind nearly as much. As soon as we arrived in the store, I ran to the Barbie section – I loved Barbie dolls! I had tons of dolls, clothes and several cars, but what I really wanted was the new Barbie Pink World Three Story Dream Townhouse. I had an old house, but it had been damaged in the move from Phoenix to Frankfurt. At first I was hesitant to tell Phil that I wanted the house, but he must have figured it out when he saw me standing in front of it with my mouth open. I vaguely recall Renee telling him it was too much but he insisted, and once he grabbed the huge box I jumped up and down, literally. Fortunately for me, Phil was pretty handy and was able to assemble the house because leaving it for Renee would have meant waiting for Charlie.

After the movie and our shopping excursion, we had dinner and before I knew it, Renee was tucking me into bed. I was really happy. The only thing better would have been having the rest of my family with me. I didn't realize at the time that Phil wouldn't have done all those things with me had Charlie been home, but what did I know?

I remember falling asleep quickly; however, I woke up in the middle of the night when I felt a cool breeze. When I started to open my eyes, I felt something cold and hard over my mouth. I could barely breathe and tried to struggle but I couldn't move. Something was keeping me still. Using all the strength I had, I tried to fight off whatever or whoever was holding me, but nothing happened. All of a sudden I felt myself being lifted out of my warm bed. The air hit me hard and I started to shiver; that's when I felt like I was falling but I never hit the ground. I was very afraid and without realizing it, I started crying. I felt the cold tears as they fell down my once warm cheeks. Even without opening my eyes I knew I was outside, but I had no idea how I got out of the building as our apartment was on the third floor. I also couldn't understand how I got outside so fast. Terror began to creep through me so I squeezed my eyes harder, making sure they were shut tight. I hoped I was just in the middle of a scary dream, but somehow I knew that a monster had taken me away from my warm bed and from Renee.

I kept my eyes closed because I was afraid to see what had taken me; I was eight after all and still believed that monsters lived under beds and in closets. They lived in any dark place for that matter. But my curiosity got the better of me so I tried to open my eyes. It was then that I realized we were moving fast, really fast, and it almost felt like I was flying. I thought I would throw up as everything passed by so quickly so I closed my eyes again. Eventually we began to slow down; but, I had pressed my eyes shut so tightly that when I tried to open them they had begun to water.

I stayed as still as possible, not knowing what was coming next – what was going to happen to me? All I could feel was something cold and hard. It almost seemed like I was in a cage. All of a sudden I heard a voice, a very musical-sounding voice, not the scary monster voice of my dreams. The voice startled me and I would have fallen but the hardness didn't allow me to move. Then the voice said something that shocked me. "It's okay, Bella. I'm not going to hurt you. Please don't be afraid."

**-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o**

**EPOV**

Fresh, clean air was something I was sure most, if not all, humans took take for granted; but, for me on the day I first met Bella, the unadulterated, fresh air was my personal life preserver. Immediately upon exiting the airport, I allowed myself to breathe and the cool, clean air washed through my body, taking with it the infection that had been Bella's scent. I felt sane; I was once again able to have coherent thoughts and the clarity of my mind brought with it the realization that I _could_ fight against what I was. I did not have to disappoint my father. No longer would the creature residing deep within cause my mother stress, worry and pain. If I could fight against my most base instincts and turn away from _that_ scent, perhaps I really could fight anything.

I inhaled deeper than I ever had in all the years since I had become the vile being that I was. A vampire. I momentarily struggled with that word; perhaps because I had never felt less human than I did at that moment. I could not recall an experience over the course of my entire existence more horrendous ever, save one. The only event that had been more painful then the experience of inhaling _that _scent had been my transformation.

My family is not like most vampires – while we require blood to survive like all of our kind, we do not feast on human blood. We think of ourselves as 'vegetarians' because we only drink the blood of animals. The Denali Clan was the only other coven of vampires that we were aware of who were like us; that was one of the reasons we considered them family – cousins, so to speak. The lifestyle my family chose to follow began with Carlisle. It was his vision that inspired us to be more than the monsters we had become. It was by following his example that we were able to live in such close proximity to and personally interact with humans.

Carlisle was born in London in the 1640s. His mother died during childbirth so he had been raised by his father who was an Anglican pastor and a very intolerant man. His father believed in the reality of evil and was determined to rid the city of every kind of abomination, human and non-human alike. When Carlisle's father became too old to personally pursue the demons, he placed Carlisle in charge who eventually discovered a coven of true vampires that lived hidden in the sewers of London. A frenzied mob gathered and then waited at the location where Carlisle had previously seen the monsters exit into the street.

As the vampires emerged, one called out in Latin to the others, alerting them when it caught the scent of the town's folks. The twenty-three year old Carlisle who led the pursuit followed one of the creatures down a darkened street. While it could have easily outrun Carlisle, the monster turned and attacked instead. As the mob descended on Carlisle's location, the beast, who had barely begin to feed on Carlisle, turned away as it focused attention on those who had begun to surround them. The vampire ran but not before killing two men, making off with another, and abandoning Carlisle as he bled in the street.

Carlisle knew his father would insist, even demand, that the bodies of those infected by the monster be destroyed. There would be no discussion, no debate. It would not matter that Carlisle was his son – the decision to terminate his life would be absolute and final. That is when Carlisle acted instinctively to save his own life and he crawled away while the mob followed the fiend. He hid in a cellar, buried himself deep in rotting potatoes for three days, and when the ordeal was over, he realized what he had become.

Carlisle tried to destroy himself, but it was not to be. Although he jumped from great heights and attempted to drown himself in the ocean, he was young to the new life and, therefore, very strong. Somehow he was able to resist feeding which was nothing short of miraculous as the instinct to consume human blood was very powerful – the need, the desire to drink surpassed everything else. But Carlisle, so repelled by what he had become refused to succumb to the monster inside.

For several months Carlisle continued to fight and resist the new urges, desires; however, eventually he grew very hungry, and extremely weak. As his willpower diminished with each passing day, he only wandered by night, seeking the loneliest, less populated places. One night, several months after his transformation, a herd of deer passed his hiding space. His thirst overpowered the last bit of humanity that Carlisle had held onto and he attacked without thought. As his strength began to return, a realization came to him – there was an alternative to being the vile monster he feared he had become. Had he not eaten, even enjoyed, venison in his former life? It was at that moment Carlisle's new philosophy was born; he could exist without being a demon. Carlisle had found himself again.

I knew my eyes were black – I was thirsty. If I was going to continue to travel with Carlisle and Esme, remaining in close proximity to humans, I had to hunt. I did not have much time before our flight was to depart Chicago for New York, but I knew exactly where I needed to go and I would have enough time to get there. Although we usually moved much slower than we were capable when in the presence of humans, vampires naturally moved at breakneck speeds. We were able to run at velocities such that humans did not see us when we ran. I was fast, blindingly fast, and I would have more than enough time to reach the Sand Ridge State Forest, hunt, and meet Carlisle and Esme at the gate in time to board the plane. My favorite meal was mountain lion, but in a pinch I'd take a whitetail deer, and they were plentiful at Sand Ridge.

I immediately caught the scent of a herd of deer. Hunting is instinctual for vampires – we only need to give ourselves over to our nature so I allowed myself to follow the scent, barely being aware of my actions. As I made my way down a grassy knoll, I found myself in the middle of a meadow near where a stream flowed. My body automatically shifted into a low crouch as I spotted a large buck and without thinking, I sprang forward. My hands immediately grabbed onto the buck's neck, snapping it. To an observer it would have appeared that my lips barely touched its flesh as my teeth inherently found his throat and my jaws locked effortlessly over the exact location where the heat flow concentrated.

My razor sharp teeth cut through the fur, fat and sinews as if they did not exist. As much as I did not want to recall the child's scent, the memory of it once again flooded my mind as my meal flowed through my mouth. My body did not desire the taste of the buck's blood; however, it was hot, wet and soothed my ragged, itching thirst even though it did not quench the need for that which the monster in me so deeply desired. The rest of the herd had scattered but after a short chase I found a few others and soon my thirst was satiated. I was again in control.

It was fortunate for me that I was fastidiously meticulous when I hunted, therefore, I did not need to waste time locating a change of clothing before returning to the airport and meeting Carlisle and Esme as they prepared to board the plane. The flight to New York was short and upon arriving at JFK, the time passed quickly as I waited to board the red-eye flight to Frankfurt. I soon found myself sitting in a first class seat behind my parents. After the plane had been boarded, I realized there were few people in first class – in fact, besides myself and my parents, there was only one other person who appeared to be a business man, sitting in the row opposite us.

As my eyes came to rest on Carlisle and Esme, I sighed. They had been together for about seventy years, yet there were many times humans mistook them for newlyweds. Although they were much too proper and old-fashioned to show much affection in public, I chuckled to myself as my father's arm wrapped around my mother's shoulder. As I watched the two people who had been my parents for so much longer than my human parents, I could not help but admire the love they had for one another.

Apparently I was not the only one to be admiring the looks Carlisle and Esme were sharing and my thoughts were interrupted when the flight attendant walked over to them, smiled and whispered quietly, "Just married?"

"No, not quite," my father said with a smile, "I am just hopelessly in love with the most beautiful woman in the world."

She did not respond, but smiled as I heard her thoughts. _"Seeing couples like this make me want to go home – now!" _

I immediately attempted to block the images of a man as they began to bombard my mind. However, at that moment I could not help but wonder if I would ever find a love like the one shared by Carlisle and Esme. I hated to interrupt the peace and tranquility that they were sharing, but I needed to talk to my father about what had occurred in Chicago. "Carlisle," I said quietly.

"_Yes, Edward, what can I do for you."_

"Has anyone ever smelled as tantalizing to you as that child did to me?"

"No, I can't say that I have had that experience before," Carlisle spoke out loud for Esme's benefit. "However, during the time I resided in Volterra, Aro told me about a certain phenomenon," Carlisle continued. "La Cantante is the Italian name they use for a human whose blood appeals to a certain vampire in such an extreme sense. It is very possible that the child was your singer. Although we did not have lengthy discussions concerning the incidents, I believe Emmett may have had similar experiences, but, perhaps not quite as strong as yours. Of course he was still new to our way of life when those events occurred, so needless to say, both confrontations ended rather badly."

"Hmm," was all I could say.

"We are very proud of you, son," Carlisle whispered, "I can hardly imagine the strength and determination necessary to run away from the situation, leaving the girl alive."

"You. . ." I barely choked out, "I kept thinking of you. I did not want to disappoint you and Esme."

"Oh, honey, you could never disappoint us. We love you. We only wish for your happiness," Esme said.

There really was not much else to say at that moment so we flew the rest of the way in silence.

"_Edward!"_ I heard Alice call my name, _"How are you holding up?" _

I acknowledged Alice's thoughts with a nod and a smile. Thinking about the child, her scent and what I had almost done, was still painful even though I had resisted. It was important for me to learn exactly what Alice had seen, but that conversation would have to wait until later when we were alone. Alice smiled as the time and location of our 'talk' appeared in her mind.

My family typically did everything possible to keep a low profile as we attempted to blend in with humans; however, when we traveled and vacationed, we preferred the comforts that were often associated with hotels such as the Steigenberger Frankfurter Hof, one of the most luxurious hotels in Frankfurt. Rosalie enjoyed the opulence while Esme appreciated the grandeur of the architecture and Alice enjoyed the location as it was only steps away from some of the city's most exquisite shops.

As I was unpacking my suitcases and hanging up some of my clothing, the thought occurred to me that no one would be sharing my room. Of course Alice was with Jasper, Rose with Emmett and Carlisle was with Esme so I always had a room to myself. I appreciated having my own space, however that day I felt lonely. I was grateful at that moment that Jasper was with Alice so he would not be subjected to the feelings of loneliness that had begun to emerge. I loved my family and missed them when they were away, but being alone as they shared their lives with a spouse was challenging at times.

I wished Alice could see when my soul mate would come into my life. Esme had begun to think I was too young when I was turned; that perhaps I was missing some sort of essential element. I did not believe I had been too young when Carlisle changed me because most of the time I felt complete within myself; however every now and again I missed not having someone to share my life with.

Although I had been trying not to think of what occurred at the airport, I suddenly found myself thinking of her. Thoughts of that stunningly beautiful child whose life I had nearly ended were infiltrating my mind. I shook my head, trying to erase those memories knowing it would not help. Before I realized what was happening, I heard a knock on my door and found Alice standing in the doorway with a glazed look in her eyes. I briefly saw a vision of the child from the airport, only she appeared older and she was smiling at Alice. The vision ended as quickly as it began and Alice started reciting the alphabet backwards and then continued to block my thoughts by translating the Battle Hymn of the Republic into Arabic.

"Alice, what are you keeping from me?" I sounded a bit too demanding.

"Nothing," the little pixie said, smiling as she turned on her heels, walking toward Carlisle and Esme's suite. However, before reaching their room, Jasper came out of his doorway and Alice leaped into his arms. We continued to walk when I wondered when Emmett and Rosalie would be joining us. Alice suddenly laughed out loud and I did my best not to see what Alice was thinking about. I did not want those images in my head. Even though Emmett and Rosalie had been together for about sixty years, their relationship was still one of a newly married couple.

Esme had heard us coming and opened the door to their room just as Emmett and Rosalie came into the hall. After some discussion it was decided that we, with the exception of Carlisle and Esme, would go to several of the clubs in the city. Fashion was Alice's forte so she went about selecting our outfits for the evening before we each returned to our respective rooms to change. Although we were all capable of dressing ourselves, Alice enjoyed buying, coordinating and organizing our wardrobes, and it gave her such pleasure that none of us minded.

"It's time," Alice called out, grinning.

Alice loved dancing, as did Rosalie. I enjoyed the music but being with Emmett made our outings much more enjoyable. It was a lot of fun to watch men and women alike stare at Emmett. My brother was the kindest person you would ever meet – he was like an overgrown teddy bear – but his size was intimidating to the average human. No guy ever hit on Rosalie if they saw Emmett with her, not that Rose could not take care of herself.

If Emmett was the 'Beast' of our family, Rosalie was 'Beauty.' There were very few women, human and vampire alike whose beauty could compare to that of Rosalie. Her long blond hair and her golden eyes could stop the heart of any human male, and she had turned the heads of many vampires as well. However, no man ever got close enough to cause her trouble. As soon as Rose noticed unwelcome attention, the perpetrators would get death glares that would cause them to stop dead in their tracks.

Alice, however, was the polar opposite of Rosalie. While Rose was tall and statuesque, Alice was petite, being only about four feet ten inches tall with short, spiky dark hair, and, like everyone else in my family, she had golden eyes. There were times when human men had perceived Alice as an easy target, however they learned the hard way that she should not be underestimated. Alice's size had no bearing on her ability to take care of herself and like Rose, Alice never needed to be 'rescued' although there had been times when Jasper had felt the need to step in and 'assist' Alice.

Jasper had the ability to feel the emotions of those around him and he was able to manipulate those emotions. A few times when Jasper had felt one too many lusty feelings directed at his wife, he used his gift to make those men cry. While we all enjoyed watching Jasper in action, Emmett seemed to enjoy it the most. However, Jasper did not always need to use his gift. Sometimes he would simply walk over to Alice and look at the offending man. Although Jasper looked nothing like Emmett, I had heard the thoughts of many women and knew they thought Jasper was very handsome, muscular but lean. Jasper was six feet three inches tall with golden honey hair and, of course, golden eyes.

We began our evening at Clubkeller, a small place with a good mix of indie music and a great atmosphere. As the evening progressed, we found our way to Batschkapp, _the _place for rock and alternative music which was also one of the oldest clubs in town. Before heading home, we decided to visit one more place, Jazzkeller, as it had been the Jazz meeting place in the city since the '50s. By the time we decided to head back to the hotel, the sun was beginning to come up.

"You're back," Carlisle said as he opened the door to allow us entrance.

"Did you have a good time?" Esme inquired.

"Yeah, it was great," Emmett replied, "Rose only had to scare off a couple of guys, although after she gave them her 'look' I thought they would wet their pants!" Emmett could be such a child, but it really had been funny.

"Did Alice need any rescuing?" Carlisle asked, smirking slightly at Jasper.

"No! I can take care of myself," Alice said, trying hard to glare at our father. We all broke into laughter because Alice could not quite master Rosalie's 'look.'

"What about you, Edward?" Esme asked.

Jasper began to chuckle as he answered for me, although I knew what he was thinking before he said it, "I guess if you can call every pretty human girl throwing herself at Edward fun, then he had a blast!"

I did not necessarily agree with Jasper's description of the events from the evening but before I could clarify the facts as I saw them, Rose laughed out loud, a little too hard, which caused Emmett to give a big guffaw. At that point even I could not hold back a chuckle.

"So what's on the agenda for today?" asked Carlisle.

Before our arrival in Europe, Carlisle had mentioned visiting some of the museums which housed exhibits covering all types of art: painting, photography, sculpture, graphic art, architecture and applied arts. Usually the exhibitions focused on artists that had some sort of connection to Frankfurt or the Frankfurt region. However, over Carlisle's three hundred or so years, there probably was not much he had not seen. For him, going to museums was more like taking a walk down memory lane.

"Shopping!" Alice screamed with excitement.

"No!" we all said in unison.

Alice's face crumbled and she broke out into her heart-wrenching sad face, complete with trembling lips as she started walking toward Jasper. "Don't you want to make me happy, Jazz?" Alice whispered.

"You know I do," Jasper conceded.

She really was too cute when she wanted to get her way. Then she looked at Emmett with her sad puppy dog eyes. "Alice, that's not fair," Emmett moaned, as he looked at Rosalie for help.

"Don't you want to shop with me?" Alice signed, looking in my direction.

Every fiber of my being knew she was not capable of crying, but I could actually picture the tears streaming down that petite face – she was good.

"Alice, it's not that we don't want to spend time with you," I replied. I felt a hand on my arm, looked back and saw my mother watching me before she started laughing.

"Alice definitely knows how to get her way with the men in this family," Esme chuckled and Carlisle broke out in laughter.

"I'm not that bad," Alice huffed.

In the end, we convinced Alice to go to the museums with us, but in exchange, we _all_ had to agree to go shopping, even Carlisle.

After spending several days at the various museums, it was time to shop with Alice. That day, even before the stores were open, Alice ran into my room. "Good morning, Alice," I said gazing up from my journal. She glanced over at me and then nearly knocked me off my chair as she jumped up and gave me a hug.

"Oops! Sorry!" she said with a big grin.

"What's the occasion?" I asked.

"Can't I just miss my favorite mind-reading brother?"

"I am your only mind-reading brother," I responded.

"Well, you know what I mean," Alice chuckled.

"Yes, and since I can read your mind, I know exactly what you mean," I laughed.

"Here are your clothes for the day," she said, pulling out an emerald green polo shirt and black jeans before leaving the room.

According to Alice, Frankfurt was a great place to shop as we made our way toward the Zeil, the main shopping street in Frankfurt. I was not surprised that the sky was overcast and that the weather forecaster had predicted the sun would remain covered the entire day. I should have known Alice would have chosen the perfect, cloudy day for shopping. I am sure she had a vision which was why she was agreeable to postponing her shopping excursion for a few days.

Alice dragged us into every possible store in the city, upscale stores, local specialty shops, and every other type of store that caught her fancy. By the time we arrived back at the hotel that night, we were carrying enough shopping bags that Alice would have to buy at least three more suitcases to take all the items home. Although we would never be physically tired, my mind was exhausted from listening to the myriad of voices I had heard during the course of the day, so I excused myself and decided to go to a park I had seen when we first arrived in Frankfurt. I could still hear the people around me so I walked as quickly as possible without drawing attention to myself. I knew the park would have closed by the time I arrived and my hope was that I could enjoy some semblance of quiet. Upon arriving at my destination, it had started to rain so any stragglers were running toward their cars to escape the elements. The silence was music to my tired mind.

I am not sure how long I remained in the park, but I was not surprised when my phone rang. "Hello, Alice."

"I thought you might be ready to discuss what happened at the airport, but if not, that's okay," Alice said.

I laughed before answering her. "You can see the future so what have I decided?"

"You're ready," Alice said, "Would you like me to join you in the park?"

"Yes," was all I said as I hung up the phone.

I was lost in my thoughts when I heard Alice, "_What do you want to know?"_

"Why don't you just start at the beginning," I answered, reluctantly. I was not trying to be difficult, but I was not looking forward to this conversation.

"Okay," she began as she took her seat next to me on the bench. "Right before I called Esme, I saw a young girl in the airport looking around as if she had lost someone. Then I saw you walk up to her, get a strange look in your face, grab her and run away. Neither Carlisle nor Esme were expecting you to take off so they weren't able to run after you as quickly as they would have liked – they didn't want to bring any more attention to themselves than you had already done," Alice paused to look over at me.

"Keep going," I said perhaps a bit too harshly, but Alice just shrugged her shoulders.

"The next thing I saw was the girl in your arms, with a glazed look over her eyes. She wasn't moving and you had blood running down the side of your mouth." She paused. "I think by calling Esme, both your futures were changed because Esme got to her first instead of you."

I leaned over, put my arm around my sweet little sister and gave her the biggest hug I could muster. "Thank you, Alice," I whispered. "Thank you for saving both our lives."

Alice looked up, smiled the biggest smile I had seen in a while and then in her normal pixie-like fashion, flitted up, took my hand and began to walk with me back to the hotel. As we walked at a normal human pace, I took a few moments to ponder on what she had told me. Apparently if I had come across the girl before my parents, I would not have been strong enough to resist and that was not something I wanted to consider. But thanks to Alice's vision, the child was alive and I was not a monster – at least I had not behaved as one. Under the circumstances I suppose that was the best I could hope for.

Upon leaving Frankfurt we planned on visiting Munich, the capital city of Bavaria; however, it had been a while since any of us had hunted, so we decided to drive to the Bavarian Forest National Park which was full of lynx and deer. Although there were times we all hunted together, each couple preferred to hunt on their own and that arrangement, once again, left me to hunt by myself. I preferred hunting alone, but it was one more occasion that reminded me perhaps I was missing my other half. If Alice had seen something or someone, she would have mentioned it, and I wanted to discuss these matters with her, but not while my brothers were around. That last thing I wanted was to give Emmett another reason to tease me about being the last ninety-four year old virgin on the planet. I loved him, but I could only take so much of his joking about my sex life and the lack there of.

I was certain there were at least a few women I could have had if I had wanted one, vampire and human; but perhaps being born in 1901 with the old-fashioned values of the time, I still believed sex was something special between a husband and wife and thus far, I had no wife. I could have had one a long time ago if I was not so committed to finding my soul mate. I did not want just anyone, I wanted to find _her_, the _one_. If I were not so stubborn, I could have been with Tanya a long time ago. How many times had she thrown herself at me? How many times had I been a gentleman and turned her down? Being around her had become increasingly uncomfortable so I had avoided all the Denalis for a while now.

Those thoughts reminded me that we would in fact be spending some time with the Denali Clan during our time in Europe. They had left Alaska a while ago and had taken up residence in a private estate they had inherited many years ago from a Russian relation who had relocated to the Czech Republic. Upon his death, Tanya, Kate and Irina had swooped in, claiming to be heirs, and had retained possession of the property ever since. We would not be visiting them until the end of our European tour so I would not be seeing Tanya for a while. I remembered the last time Tanya had paid my family a visit and it did not end in the most favorable light.

**-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o**

My brothers and I had gone hunting and we had just returned home when I heard a familiar voice. It was Tanya. What was she doing at our home? As we walked into the living room, Carlisle came to meet us.

"_I'm so sorry, Edward. Tanya wasn't supposed to be here for several weeks."_

I nodded at Carlisle. Usually he would let me know when Tanya was planning on visiting so I could make alternate arrangements. It was not his fault she had changed her mind. I wondered if Alice had seen anything and had forgotten to mention it. As I glanced in her direction, Alice's eyes turned toward me, a sad look on her face.

"_It didn't occur to me to look for any changes in Tanya's schedule. Carlisle seemed certain when she was coming. Sorry."_

Before I was able to acknowledge Alice's thoughts, Tanya said seductively, "Hi, Edward." She appeared to be ignoring everyone in the room except me.

I tried to remain calm, but I felt my body tense as Jasper sent a wave of calm toward me. Unfortunately it did not help.

"Hello, Tanya," I said, trying not to appear rude as I turned to leave the immediate vicinity. Unfortunately, I could not get away fast enough. I considered going to my room to read, but I was afraid Tanya would follow; I decided to play my piano instead in an effort to calm myself when I heard Tanya.

"_Aren't you happy to see me?"_

I had always attempted to treat Tanya with respect; I was after all, a gentleman. However I was not in a mood for her shenanigans so I ignored her mental comment.

Carlisle walked over to Tanya, offered his arm to her and said, pointing to the living room, "Shall we sit?"

By then all the rest of my family had taken their seats as they settled in for our 'visit.' I would be as polite as possible, but I really needed the support of my family and they knew it. I _really_ wanted to prevent anything undesirable from happening.

My family enjoyed visiting with the Denali Clan, including me. I just wished Tanya would overcome her desires. Everyone was involved in the conversation while I played my piano. I tried hard to focus on their spoken words when my concentration was interrupted.

"_I take it you haven't met __**your beloved **__yet?"_

I looked in Tanya's direction, but didn't answer.

"_Why don't you give us a chance?"_ Tanya thought as she looked directly at me and let her mind spin off into various lustful scenarios starring her and myself in various sexual positions. Her eyes were smoldering. As she luckily had never seen me without clothes, her rendition of my naked body was not quite in tune with reality. Her behavior was nothing short of inappropriate.

Again I ignored Tanya, but my anxiety level continued to increase. Jasper gave me a sympathetic look and sent me another wave of calm. _"Ignore her, Edward. She's not worth the aggravation." _

I was preparing myself for Tanya to assault me with further rather inappropriate images of us, however, much to my utter amazement, those mental pictures never came. It was not until I shifted my attention toward Jasper, that I caught a slight smile on his lips. He was helping me by sending some other emotion to Tanya to counteract her lust. _"I've got your back," _he thought. I would have to be sure to thank him later.

The rest of Tanya's visit had been rather uneventful, at least until the day she was scheduled to leave. That morning I'd spent time listening to my music while relaxing in the living room when I decided some fresh air would be nice. As I proceeded toward the backdoors I looked out to see Carlisle and Esme sitting on the bench; Carlisle had his arm around Esme. I wasn't sure where my siblings had gone, but as it was fairly silent in the house, I knew they were not home. In that instant, however, there was a noise that came from above me. I knew it was Tanya when I heard her thoughts, _"Edward, would you please come upstairs?"_

"Tanya, you had better not be in my room," I replied. The thought of her rifling through my belongings was causing me to become increasingly anxious. I wanted to run up to my room and drag her away, but I would not give her the satisfaction of having both of us together and alone in the same place.

"_Come on, Edward, don't you want to have any fun before I leave?"_

"You need to leave my room," I said emphatically. In the next instant Carlisle was standing next to me; he placed his hand on my shoulder as he often did in an attempt to calm me down. Too bad Jasper was not around; I definitely could have used his help. However, just as those thoughts entered my mind, I felt a wave of calm, more than calm, washing over me. I turned to see Alice and Jasper standing behind Carlisle, and Emmett and Rose behind them.

Tanya was coming down the stairs dressed in a shamefully tasteless ensemble. She looked like a common harlot.

"_Like what you see?" _She was smiling evilly.

I was about to tell her to leave when I heard Carlisle, "Perhaps it's time for this visit to be concluded, Tanya, and next time we'd love to see _all_ of your family."

Tanya raised her eyebrows, looked from Carlisle to me and then a devious smile crossed her face. "Perhaps, you're right, Carlisle. I do so miss my sisters and Carmen and Eleazar will soon be returning from their vacation. Thank you for having me. Perhaps you'll come to visit us soon."

"We'd love that," Carlisle said, attempting a convincing smile.

Of course Tanya could not leave without giving me a bit more provocative ribbing, _"Perhaps I can __show you my room when you visit. I redecorated and it is fabulous."_

"I'm going hunting," I mumbled, leaving before Tanya could have any more thoughts that would make me blush had I been capable.

"We'll go with you," Jasper said, laughing while looking at Emmett, "Come on, Em."

I had already left when I heard both my brothers in the distance say farewell to their wives, before chasing after me.

**-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o**

I forced all thoughts of Tanya out of my mind, refusing to let her previous behavior, and my anxiety at having to interact with her again very soon, mar these experiences, while we thoroughly enjoyed our stay in Munich as the city was an inspiring mix of historic buildings and impressive architecture. We continued our tour through Europe visiting many churches and cathedrals as Carlisle had requested while Esme in particular enjoyed the castles, their architecture and design. Jasper was always interested in military related locations so we visited Lenggries and its military compound, as well as Prinz Heinrich Kaserne, Bad Toelz and Flint Kaserne.

Our travels continued as we journeyed through Germany before heading to the Netherlands, Belgium, France, Switzerland, Italy and Austria. We had spent nearly two years traveling abroad and we were finally on our way to visit the Denali Clan who was enjoying one of their properties in the city of Pilsen in the Czech Republic. As we were packing up to leave, I began teasing Alice about all the additional items she had purchased. I was not sure where we were going to put everything.

"We'll just leave you here," Alice said, giving me her evil grin.

Before I could respond Alice got that look on her face, the one that meant a vision was coming. She gasped and I tried to see what it was that had overtaken Alice, but all I saw was Tanya. She was standing over a bed looking down at a child. That's when Alice screamed, "NO!"

**AN: Sorry for leaving you hanging . . . please leave me a review and let me know if you like it or not. Thanks!**


	3. Chapter 3 Gone, But Not Forgotten

**DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer owns the entire Twilight Series, Edward, Bella and all other characters mentioned in this story. No copyright infringement is intended – I'm just having fun!**

**Special thanks go to my fabulous beta, TwilightMomOfTwo who generously gives of her time to make this story better – thanks!**

**Chapter 3 – Gone, But Not Forgotten**

**BPOV**

I was scared. I wasn't in my room and I knew for sure I wasn't dreaming. Someone had taken me from my bed in the middle of the night and I didn't know where I was. I wanted to go back to sleep and pretend I was in my room, but I couldn't – I still felt a cold hardness around me and I was too afraid to move. However, I wanted to see where the musical voice had come from and I wanted to know how it knew my name. Could this thing really be a monster? It didn't sound like any monster I'd ever imagined.

All of a sudden the coldness around me was gone and I felt something soft and fluffy underneath me. My eyes were still closed so I wasn't sure how I had gotten from one place to the other. It was all very strange. I felt the surface around me as I pushed my hands out and away from my sides although I didn't want to move too much because I was afraid of falling. I was clumsy enough with my eyes wide open so I carefully moved my hands and arms further out from my body, sliding them over the softness that seemed to surround me.

Even though I was frightened, I finally convinced myself to open my eyes just a little bit and that was when I realized it was dark. As my eyes began to adjust, I could almost see a face. I stared harder at the figure in front of me, blinking a few times as I tried to focus. As the thing in front of me became clearer, I realized it wasn't a thing at all, but a lady, a very pretty lady, prettier than Renee. At first I thought I recognized her, maybe she reminded me of someone else, but it was late, I was tired and I was still scared. My thoughts didn't make any sense.

As the room got lighter, I began to see things more clearly and it seemed I was in a bedroom. The woman, who I could now see had curly strawberry blonde hair, was looking at me. She hadn't said a word since she told me not to be afraid so I decided to speak. "Where am I and who are you?" I asked.

"You are in my home," she replied.

"I want my mommy. Please take me home," I begged.

"This is your home now," she said.

I didn't understand what was happening. Why couldn't I go home? Did Renee not want me anymore? Was she going to live with Phil? Where was Charlie? Wasn't he coming home? So many questions ran through my head all at once that I got anxious and started to cry. I tried to lift the covers up, but they were too heavy and I couldn't get them over my head. I really wanted to hide and pretend that nothing had happened. I still didn't know who the lady was so I asked her again.

"Who are you?" I asked, trying to sound grown-up.

"My name is Tanya," she said. It sounded like she was singing.

"Why did you bring me here?" Maybe my mother couldn't take care of me anymore. Maybe I'd live with Tanya until Charlie came for me. He was supposed to be home for my birthday. Maybe I would only have to stay with her for a little while.

"You're going to live with me now and soon you'll meet the rest of my family. We're going to be very happy together."

Why was I going to live with her? I wanted to be with Charlie. Even though he was away a lot, we always had fun whenever he was home. I didn't want a new mom, and I _really_ didn't want a new dad.

"Are you going to take me back when Charlie gets home?" I asked.

"No, you're not going back," she said firmly. Tanya seemed annoyed with me, like Renee was when I asked the same questions over and over because I didn't like her answers.

Tanya looked at me as she walked towards me, putting her hands on her hips. "You're going to live here now. You'll like it, I'm sure of it."

She looked angry and I was afraid so I didn't argue with her. Instead, I just nodded my head. When I didn't say anything, she walked toward a big door and opened it.

"This is your closet. There are only a few things in there, but we'll go shopping soon." She then took several steps toward another door, opened it and said, "This is your toy room. There isn't much here either; we'll go to the toy store after we buy you clothing." Then she turned in the direction of the bedroom door. Was she going to leave me all alone? Even though I was nervous around her I didn't want to be by myself.

"When will I meet the rest of your family?" I asked.

"They will be joining us momentarily," said Tanya. "I'll be right back."

"Please don't leave. I don't want to be alone," I said. I thought I was going to cry again.

As I said those words, Tanya reached for the door knob and turned it. That's when two very lovely women walked in the room. They were as pretty as Tanya. "This is Irina," Tanya said, pointing to the woman with short silvery blonde hair. "And this is Kate," she said, pointing to the other lady.

"Tanya, where have you been?" asked Kate. "You've been gone quite some time."

"I've seen all the interesting 'sights' around our home so I decided to venture out to see what else I could find," Tanya said, smiling.

"That does not explain why there is a child in our home." The woman named Irina didn't seem happy that I was there.

"It had been quite some time since I'd seen the 'sights' in Germany so I traveled around the countryside. I made my way through Bavaria and enjoyed myself quite a bit. It's always such a pleasure to make new friends," Tanya laughed.

"We're quite aware of how much you enjoy seeing new 'sights' and making new friends," Kate chuckled.

I wasn't paying attention to everything they had been saying, but I was watching them, staring actually. I couldn't help myself – they were beautiful.

"I had decided to make my way back home when it occurred to me to visit Frankfurt. I love men in uniform." Tanya chuckled. "As it turned out, I saw a man, although he did not appear to be a serviceman. Nevertheless, I thought he would enjoy my company; however, that's when a woman walked over to him and took his hand into hers."

"That never stopped you before," Irina sneered.

"No, of course not," said Tanya. "But at that moment I saw the girl."

"I take it _this _is the girl," Kate said, pointing at me.

"Yes, she's the one," Tanya replied.

"That doesn't explain how she ended up in our house," Irina said as she folded her arms across her chest.

"I followed them. What else was I to do?" Tanya asked. "Should I have walked over to them and said, 'Pardon me, but I'd like to take your daughter away from you so she can live with me from now on.' Would that have been a better choice?"

"You should have just left and not taken her at all; that would have been the best choice," Irina said angrily. "It's obvious you didn't settle on that course of action since the girl is _here_, so what exactly did you decide to do next?"

"I waited until I thought everyone was asleep. I walked in, took the child and brought her here." Tanya spoke so quietly I barely heard her.

"Tanya, do you realize what you've done?" asked Kate, her golden eyes wide open.

"Nothing, I've done nothing wrong," Tanya said harshly.

"How can you say that? Have you lost your mind? You _stole_ a child." Irina seemed to be spitting out her words. "And have you forgotten what happened the last time there were immortal children? How could you forget about our mother? We will be killed. Aro will not be so forgiving this time." Irina's voice didn't sound like bells anymore and the look on her face made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

I was still having a hard time hearing everything they were saying, but I thought I had heard Irina say something about being killed, and that frightened me. A lot. So I sat very still, hoping they would forget I was there.

"You're being ridiculous; she is too old to be considered an immortal child. She's nearly nine – your concern is unfounded," Tanya replied firmly.

"I can see she's not a toddler, but how can you be sure that she'll be able to control her thirst? How do you know she'll be able to learn and adapt to our way of life? She is still a child, after all. Can you guarantee the Volturi that she'll keep our secret?" Kate spoke quickly.

Their conversation didn't make any sense to me, but it was making me very nervous. I started trembling and tried to draw the covers around me again but it didn't work any better than it had the first time. I wanted to hide but was too afraid to move so I started to cry. I hated crying. I wanted to be like Charlie, he never cried; thinking of him made me realize how much I missed my parents and before I knew it, I was sobbing.

"Look at what you've done," Tanya said angrily. "She's just a child, a _human _child. She doesn't know anything. And you should not have jumped to conclusions. If you would have given me a chance to explain, I would have told you that I wasn't going to change her until she was a bit older."

"Then why did you bring her here _now_? Why didn't you wait and locate her again later? I'm sure you would have been able to keep an eye on her for a few years. All of this is extremely unusual," Irina stated furiously.

"I couldn't wait. I couldn't take the chance that he'd find who he was looking for. He'll be here soon and I didn't want him to leave again," Tanya said, looking sad.

"What do you mean, _him_?" Kate asked.

"Edward," mumbled Tanya.

"He'll kill you," both Kate and Irina said at the same time.

Kate stared angrily at Tanya and shook her finger in Tanya's face. "He'll leave as soon as he sees her. He'll never give you a chance to explain. You know he doesn't love you; he never will. Why can't you get that through your head? Why would you do such a stupid thing and put us all in jeopardy?"

I had stopped sobbing but I was still crying – I could feel the tears running down my cheeks. Tanya came over to me, pulled some of the covers back, trying to help me get more comfortable. The smile on her face suddenly reminded me of Renee.

"She looks like him," Tanya said, taking my hair in her hands. "Her hair is nearly the same color as his. He won't leave. Seeing her will make him realize we're meant to be together. I've tried every other possible tactic. This plan will work, you'll see."

"You're a fool," Irina said fiercely. "I'm leaving. I will not be caught up in this fiasco."

"I'm right behind you," said Kate. "Call us when the Cullens arrive."

Then I was alone again in the room with Tanya.

"Why don't they like me?" I whispered.

"They don't know you and they're afraid, but not of you. Perhaps I should have discussed things with them first, but there was no time and it no longer matters. You are here and you are mine. Edward will love you. We'll be happy together." Tanya's face was shining.

She sat down at the foot of the bed and was quiet for a long time before asking me, "Are you hungry?"

I had been so tired and scared that I hadn't thought about food, but just then my stomached growled. "Yes," I said.

"I'm not sure what we have to eat; it's probably not much," she responded. "I didn't have time to properly prepare for you, but I'm sure we can find something for you to eat until we go shopping." Tanya stood up, reached for me and helped me off the bed before setting me on the floor. As she looked at me, she smiled, placed her hand on my back and directed me out the bedroom door and down the hallway.

Tanya found and cooked oatmeal. It wasn't my favorite, but I must have been hungry because I ate the entire bowl. When I was done eating, Tanya took me back to the bedroom.

"We're going to shop later, but you've been awake for quite some time. Why don't you take a nap and we'll go when you wake up," Tanya suggested.

"I don't feel tired," I said. Actually I was very tired, but I didn't want to go to sleep. I was afraid I'd have nightmares.

"Well then why don't you go ahead and get changed. If you get sleepy while we're in town we can return home and continue another day," Tanya said. "It's overcast today but we're not expecting rain, so it's a good day to shop."

I nodded as I wandered to the closet to see what I could wear.

As soon as I was dressed, Tanya knocked on the door. "Ready to go?" she asked.

"Yes," I replied.

Tanya took my hand and I shivered. Her hand was very cold. It was then that she gave me a coat and a pair of gloves; I put them on as we walked out the door.

We went from store to store as Tanya bought clothes for me to wear, toys for me to play with and food for me to eat. I really did miss Renee but Tanya was being very nice. I knew I should be angry or afraid but somehow I knew I would see my parents again. I wasn't going to say anything to Tanya because I didn't want her to get mad at me, but I knew I wouldn't be here long. I decided I would try to have fun for now.

I started to yawn as we drove back to Tanya's house. That's when her phone rang. I barely heard her when she spoke. It sounded like she said, "Stop interfering," but I wasn't sure and before I knew it, my eyes were closed and I was asleep.

I'm not sure how long I slept, but I woke up to voices. The door to the bedroom was open so I listened carefully and tried hard to hear what they were saying. Once I was awake enough to understand the words I had heard, I recognized Tanya's voice.

"I didn't realize you knew she was here, but I suppose that was a mistake on my part," Tanya said.

"It seems you had more than one momentary lapse of judgment that day," Irina accused.

"As I was saying," Tanya continued. "It would appear I temporarily forgot about Alice's gift, although 'forgot' isn't the proper word. I was so focused on the various scenarios running through my mind that the fact that Alice may have seen my plans apparently didn't concern me at that moment."

"I'm not sure how much thought went into your decision at all," Kate replied.

A voice that I didn't recognize spoke next, although I assumed it was a man. "I know we're in a different country and no one would expect her to be so far from home, but have you gone insane? I know it's possible to go crazy after living so long, but I didn't think you were _that _old."

"I'm not old," Tanya said bitterly. "They'll never find us."

"Do you think they'll just give up?" another voice asked. Whoever had just spoken also sounded like a man but it definitely wasn't the same one as before.

"She'll be safe here," Tanya replied. "I won't let anything happen to her."

"Why is she really here?" asked another voice which sounded like a woman. She seemed very familiar to me, but I wasn't sure why.

"That's none of your concern," Tanya said angrily.

I wanted to know why they were talking about me so I got out of bed and tiptoed toward the door. I tried to be very quiet. I didn't want anyone to know I was listening, but that's when I heard Tanya call out, "Bella, would you come here, please."

I walked down the hall, into the room and then immediately stopped. There were nine people including Tanya, Irina and Kate, staring at me. But what shocked me was that I recognized two of the others. I couldn't remember their real names, but I knew what I had called them – Snow White and the model. I would never forget their faces, especially since I had had dreams about them over the past two years.

"Tanya, I know what you did and what you hoped to accomplish by doing it, but you won't be seeing him – he's not coming here," a dark haired girl said. "I told him not to follow us and he should be on his way to Amsterdam by now. Then he'll be flying to Chicago. I know what you had planned, but it's not going to happen."

"What?" Tanya said rather loudly. "Alice, why did you do that? He has to come here; he has to see her. Everything will have been for nothing if he doesn't come here." Then Tanya's voice got quiet as she said, "Don't you see the resemblance? She reminded me of Edward the moment I saw her. I knew he would love her like a daughter when he –"

Before Tanya could finish her sentence the model stood up and looked at me, motioning for me to walk towards him. He gently pushed me behind his back until I was standing next to Snow White. Then he turned to face Tanya as he spoke, "Tanya, even if he wasn't already on his way back home, we would never allow him to get that close to her. Esme and I have seen this child before as has Edward. Have you ever heard of the concept of a 'singer'? Not many have, but I'm fairly certain she was his. Still is. Her blood calls to him like none other and it was a miracle that he was able to walk away from her and leave her alive the first time. I won't allow Edward to suffer like that again and I won't put Bella in further danger. You've already done enough damage."

I couldn't move. What did he say? It didn't make any sense to me. A singer? I don't sing and blood makes me dizzy. Now I remembered his name. It was Carlisle, and Edward was his son. But where had I met them? I couldn't quite remember; was it in Phoenix? No, that wasn't right. In Frankfurt? No, it wasn't there, either. Oh, was in an airport and it was the day Renee lost me. Edward was my Prince Charming, but he had gotten angry with me and run away.

The model, Carlisle, said something about my blood and Edward. Did he want to kill me? Why? What had I done? Is that why he ran away? And he said Tanya had put me in danger. I guess that was right since she took me away from home, but why would Edward want to hurt me?

Tanya stood up, smiled at me and said, "Bella, come over here, please. You may have my seat; you'll be more comfortable sitting rather than standing."

As I started to walk around Carlisle, he put out his arm and held me back. "No, Bella. Please stay where you are. Jasper?"

At that moment the man with blond wavy hair, Jasper, stood up, and walked over to Carlisle, leaving his chair empty. The dark haired girl named Alice got up off the sofa where she had been sitting next to Esme and sat in Jasper's empty chair. Esme moved over and patted the cushion next to her. I looked from Carlisle, to Tanya and then to Esme before sitting down next to her.

"What are you doing?" Tanya said louder than before. "She belongs with me now. Let her go."

"No, Tanya," Carlisle replied calmly. "She belongs with her family, her parents."

"No! She belongs with Edward. She belongs with me – with us." Tanya looked really angry as she stepped toward Carlisle.

At that moment a huge man with curly dark hair seemed to come out of nowhere and stood on the other side of Carlisle, directly in front of me, folding his gigantic arms across his chest as he said, "Stay back if you know what's good for you."

I couldn't help but watch him as he spoke; he frightened me. I noticed that Tanya had taken a step backward. Apparently Tanya was afraid of him, too.

Carlisle spoke again, saying, "Tanya, calm down. Let's discuss this rationally."

Tanya, turning her focus back to Carlisle, seemed to regain her composure, as she replied firmly, "I am rational. Bella _can_ stay with me. I have everything she needs – food, toys, clothing." Tanya's voice seemed to get scarier each time she spoke and her golden eyes now looked black. "You're not going to take her away even if Edward doesn't come here today. We're going to be a family. One day he'll see her and then he'll decide to stay with me."

Tanya took another step closer to Carlisle, but before I realized what had happened, a beautiful blond woman came and stood next to the dark-haired man, Emmett. Everyone was staring at Tanya, watching her every move.

Tanya seemed to be slowly inching her way closer to me when Alice was suddenly no longer in her chair, but standing next to Jasper.

"I had hoped that you would be present when we changed her," Tanya said. "You've been successful four times already so there's no doubt her transformation would be perfect and you'd be her grandfather." Tanya seemed to be speaking to Carlisle. "However, if you're unwilling, I'll take care of it myself when the time is right. I know Edward will love her, but he is no longer the only reason for me having her here. I want her and I'm keeping her."

Next, Irina and Kate stood up. I thought they would stand by Tanya; however I was surprised when they walked over to Carlisle and turned to face her.

"This ends now," Irina said. "Do you want to tear apart our family over some crazy delusion you have?"

"You'll find someone one day." Kate looked at Tanya with a sad smile. "I know that's all you want but it's not Edward and this child will not help your cause. If you continue with this plan, you'll lose his friendship; you're only making the situation worse. _Please_, Tanya," Kate pleaded.

I heard a sound that startled me. It was loud and reminded me of a noise an animal would make. It scared me so badly that I felt myself jump up off the sofa.

I never actually saw anyone move, but when my eyes focused again, Jasper and Alice were holding onto Tanya as she seemed to struggle with them. I'd never seen her look like that before. I didn't understand what was happening and I was very, very confused. That's when I felt my head start spinning and I got dizzy. I was scared, but maybe I was hungry, too. I don't think I'd eaten in a while, but it didn't matter because at that moment I felt myself falling.

"Bella, are you okay?"

I wasn't sure who was talking to me, but when I opened my eyes I realized I wasn't on the floor. I slowly tried to lift my head up to look around. Too many eyes. Too many people. Why was everyone standing around me? I tried to breathe but I wasn't able to catch my breath and I started to gasp and cough.

"Everyone back up," Carlisle said. "Give her some space. I think she's having an anxiety attack. Get her a glass of water."

As I tried to sit up, I felt a cool hand on my back helping me. Then Carlisle handed me a glass. "Here, Bella. Take a sip of water. It will make you feel better."

After taking a big gulp, I handed the glass back to him. "I think I'm okay," I said. "Did I hit my head? I usually do when I fall."

"No, we caught you. Actually Emmett caught you."

I looked over in the direction of the doorway and saw the big, no _huge_, man named Emmett standing there, smiling at me. He seemed nice enough but when he started walking toward me I got nervous and ended up pushing myself back too quickly and slamming my head into the headboard of the bed which was against the wall. "Ow," was all I managed to yell out as I rubbed the back of my head with my hand.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you. I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm Emmett."

"When was the last time she had anything to eat?" Esme asked, looking at Tanya.

"Oh, it's been a while," she said, looking sad. "I'm sorry, Bella. I forgot how often children need to eat."

"I'll take care of it," Esme replied with a smile as she walked out of the room.

Everyone seemed calm now. I still wasn't sure what had happened earlier in the living room, but Tanya didn't seem angry anymore, just sad.

"I understand your reasoning behind the decisions you made, but that does not matter," Carlisle said. "Bella can't stay with you and she can't live with us. I don't approve of what you've done, although I noticed the resemblance the first time we met her. But even if she was not his singer, Tanya, he would not have stayed. He doesn't love you – you're not his soul mate. You've known this and you need to let him go, for your own sake. For both your sakes. And now for Bella's sake as well."

Tanya sighed. "I suppose you're right, but what do we do now? I hadn't thought about taking her back. I don't have a plan for that. How will we explain everything? We can't allow anyone to suspect us and she's seen everyone. She's not a stupid child. If they question her, she'll end up making a mistake and then what?"

Tanya wasn't mad, but she looked worried. Nothing they had said made sense to me and they talked as if I wasn't in the room, but grownups do that a lot.

"Don't worry. We'll figure something out. The important thing is to get her back. We'll talk with Alice while Bella is eating."

"Thank you, Carlisle," Tanya conceded.

After eating, Esme insisted that I get washed up. She seemed like the perfect mom. I loved Renee and I wanted to go home and see her again, but she wasn't exactly motherly. Esme really seemed to care about me. I remembered that she said Edward was her son, but I wondered if she had any more children. Having her as a mom must have been great but even as I thought about it, I missed Renee. My mom may not have been like other moms, but she was mine. As I was in the bathtub I thought about what I had heard.

I was going home. I wasn't sure how long I had been with Tanya and now that I knew I would be going back, I started thinking about Charlie and Renee and how they must be very worried. What would I tell them? Would they believe me? I didn't think I was supposed to tell them about Tanya, Carlisle and Esme.

I guess I was more tired than I realized when I heard a knock on the door. I think I had started to fall asleep in the bathtub. "Bella, are you okay?" I didn't recognize the voice but I knew it wasn't Esme or Tanya.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just dozed off. I'm coming out," I said.

"My name is Alice," the voice said through the closed door. "There are pajamas on the bed for you. I'd like to talk with you after you're dressed. Is that alright?"

"Sure, I guess," I said as I started to get out of the bathtub.

"Be careful. The floor might be slippery," Alice chuckled.

I started to laugh. Maybe somehow Alice knew me even though I didn't think we'd ever met. I was always slipping and falling and I had been taken to the emergency room more times than I wanted to remember.

"You'll be fine," I heard Alice say again before hearing the bedroom door close.

Once I was out of the bathroom, I changed and walked toward the door, to open it; but before I could get there, I heard a knock and then the door flew open. All of a sudden, in the doorway was the very pretty, dark-haired girl who appeared to dance her way into the room. Her hair stuck out all over, but in a cute way. She wasn't a lot taller than me but she looked older. Her skin was white, kind of like mine but she had golden eyes that reminded me of Carlisle and Esme. She was very friendly and smiled widely as she took my hand and pulled me toward the bed. I realized her skin was cold, too; however, I wasn't nervous because she was so happy and she seemed really nice. She reminded me of a ballerina.

"I'm glad you're okay," Alice said. "Tanya meant well, but she went about things in the wrong way."

I felt very comfortable with Alice. "I don't understand what happened, but after she brought me here I didn't think she was going to hurt me. She seemed nice."

"Well, that's a story for another day," Alice said. "What we need to focus on now is getting you home. Would you like that?"

"Yes," I said eagerly. "I really miss my parents."

"I have an idea that will work, but you're going to have to keep a secret. Do you think you can do that? " She asked.

I wanted to say yes, but I wasn't very good at lying or keeping secrets. I was raised to always tell the truth. "What am I going to have to lie about? I'm not a very good liar."

"Do you think anyone will believe you if you told them that a beautiful woman took you from your room, in the middle of the night, jumped out a three-story window carrying you in her arms and brought you to her home hundreds of miles away only to take you shopping to buy you clothes and toys? That doesn't sound very believable, does it?" Alice was still smiling but it wasn't the same as before – her eyes looked worried.

"I wasn't going to tell anybody," I whispered.

"We're going to have to tell them something different, something they will believe. We're going to have to take you someplace and things are going to get a little scary before you get home, but I promise you we'll keep you safe," Alice said confidently.

Somehow I knew she would keep me safe, but I was starting to get nervous and I guess she knew it.

"Do you trust me?" Alice asked.

"Yes," I said even though I didn't know why. We had just met.

"In that case, you need to get some sleep. You're going to have a busy day tomorrow." Alice jumped off the bed and was heading for the door to leave the room, but I wanted her to stay.

"Alice, would you please stay in the room while I fall asleep. I don't want to be alone. Sometimes I have bad dreams."

"Sure, Bella, no problem," Alice said with a smile as she sat down in the arm chair near the bed, crossing her legs and leaning back.

"Thanks, Alice," I said. That was the last thing I remembered before falling asleep.

**-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o**

**EPOV**

I had not been able to understand the meaning of Alice's vision in which Tanya stood over a child's bed. Alice had prevented me from seeing any more of it and she had refused to provide me with additional information concerning it. I had asked Alice several times what more she had seen but she had not been forthcoming; however, I had known Alice long enough to realize that she did not have fortuitous visions. But the more incessant I became, the more irascible she was.

"I'll explain everything to you later," Alice said in a huff.

I did not doubt that she would provide a full and complete interpretation of the events as construed in her vision; however I did not want to wait. I wanted to know now what Tanya had planned on doing. I opened my mouth to orate further as Jasper walked over to where I was standing. He was glaring at me.

"_Leave it alone, Edward."_ His thoughts were firm. _"She'll explain the events to you when she decides it's in everyone's best interest for us all to know what she has seen. Let her be for now."_

I did not appreciate my brother interfering in my discussions with Alice; however, Jasper was always rather protective of his wife. So I took small comfort in the fact that Alice would share her vision, the entire vision, with me eventually, when she deemed the time was right.

With all of the shopping Alice had done during the course of our travels, her number of possessions had dramatically increased; earlier in our vacation she determined it would be wise to ship many of her purchases back home. Unfortunately, Alice's more recent acquisitions had not yet been exported. Therefore, we had decided to rent four vehicles for our journey to the city of Pilsen in the Czech Republic.

Emmett wanted to drive a jeep comparable to the one he had in our garage, but Rosalie absolutely refused; she had, however, convinced Emmett that if they secured the use of a BMW 850Ci she would allow him the luxury of driving it. Emmett quickly agreed since Rose never permitted him to drive _her _car. Carlisle and Esme chose a Mercedes SL600 and Alice selected a Porsche 911 Carrera Turbo.

We had been gone nearly two years and I missed driving my Saab 900 so I had procured such a vehicle for myself. Although I could have driven with my siblings and my parents, I thought it would be prudent to have an automobile for my own use should I need to depart Pilsen quickly. I was optimistic that our visit with the Denali sisters would prove to be a jovial experience, but nothing could be guaranteed when it came to Tanya.

Alice seemed a bit apprehensive which set me on edge, but since I did not wish to distress her any further, I decided not to discuss her visions with her, at least for the rest of the day as we continued to make preparations to depart. It was then that Alice walked over to me, a serious look on her face.

"_You can't come with us and please don't ask me any questions. It's better this way, but I promise to explain everything later."_

Although I had heard every word Alice thought, I was not sure I understood. Of course I was apprehensive about seeing Tanya, but I was looking forward to visiting with the rest of her family. We had planned our trek to the Denali home quite some time ago and I knew Carlisle would not want me to insult our hosts by suddenly declining their invitation without an explanation. I peered over at Carlisle when I heard Alice again.

"_You can discuss it with Carlisle if you'd like, but the decision has already been made. We're going to see Tanya, but you aren't coming. Everyone will understand. It's really better this way."_

Although a part of me was relieved that I would not have to face Tanya and her unwelcome advances, I did not relish being kept in the dark. However, Alice appeared very insistent that I not travel with the rest of the family and I had learned during years past that it was not wise to challenge Alice and her visions, not unless you were looking for trouble.

I knew that we would soon be returning to Chicago but only for a short time before moving to Astoria, Oregon which was one of the most overcast cities in the United States with approximately two hundred forty cloud-filled days each year. Carlisle had agreed to take a position at Columbia Memorial Hospital and the hunting prospects would please everyone; there were a variety of selections to choose from such as antelope, deer, elk, cougar, and Emmett's favorite, black bear. We had lived in Chicago for a while and it was time for us to leave and relocate at the time we had begun our tour of Europe. In order to keep our secret, it was necessary for us to take up new residences roughly every five years or those around us could begin to suspect that none of us appeared to age.

Alice got that 'look' on her face and I anticipated seeing a vision; however, the pictures flipped through her mind so hurriedly that I was unable to distinguish them accurately.

"Alice, slow down. When you think that swiftly I'm unable to see things clearly."

"That's the idea," she said with a slight smile on her lips.

"Fine," I said. "What do you suggest I do?"

"_Take a nice long drive to Amsterdam. From there you can fly straight to Chicago,"_ Alice mused.

At that moment Carlisle approached us.

"How long do you plan on visiting the Denalis?" I asked.

"I'm not sure," Carlisle said thoughtfully.

"A few decisions haven't been made yet, but I don't think we'll be there more than a few weeks, perhaps not even that long" Alice declared.

I turned and once again glanced toward my father. He appeared somewhat reserved; I was not able to penetrate his thoughts although I did not believe he was intentionally blocking me. However, I could not be certain.

As I caught his gaze I heard him. _"This time I have to agree with Alice. We'll explain everything when we get home, but for now this is for the best."_

After my unfruitful discourses with both Alice and Carlisle, I concentrated on the minds of the rest of my family in an attempt to hear their thoughts in order to determine if they were aware of Alice's plan. However, I was disappointed; it became apparent that Alice had only shared her vision with Carlisle and since I was unable to obtain additional knowledge from them until after my family had completed whatever it was they were required to do in Pilsen, I decided to take my leave and journey to the Netherlands. I kissed Esme on the cheek as Carlisle placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. Alice jumped up quickly and gave me a hug. In her exuberance I once again was able to catch a glimpse of the girl from the airport in her mind. Alice immediately realized she had let her guard down and promptly began reciting the pledge of allegiance in Swedish.

"Alice," was all I could say before she laughed, ran over to Jasper and sped off in the Porsche.

I said farewell to the rest of the family and was glad I had had the foresight to obtain a vehicle for myself. The distance from Salzburg to Amsterdam was approximately six hundred thirty miles and would take the typical person about twelve hours to drive; however, I would not need to make the stops as human would, so I hoped to arrive at my destination in only about eight hours.

As soon as I had begun my sojourn, my mind went back to Alice's visions and how the child from the airport seemed to be in her mind quite often lately. I knew Alice was hiding something from me and I was almost afraid for her to tell me what it was. Would I somehow come across the child again? Would I be capable of leaving her alive should I find her alone? I shuddered at those thoughts. No, if I had been able to resist once, I would do so again. I was sure of that, or was I? I knew Alice would help me avoid the girl, as would the rest of my family so why was I so concerned?

It was surprising that Alice had had a vision of a human child, especially one she was not familiar with, at all. However, what was more disconcerting was that the visions seemed to continue. Perhaps it was the same vision, I told myself. Maybe I had only been able to glimpse small pieces each time. Would this girl become important to our family? No, that was not possible.

My thoughts next turned back to Alice's vision of Tanya. How had she become involved in the child's life? I was unable to fathom what the connection might have been – nothing had made any sense to me. There had to be some affiliation between them which I had not yet considered. Although Alice had said she would share all the details with me upon the family's return to Chicago, the endless possibilities were beginning to consume me. I did not wish to linger on the feelings which the memories stirred within me, the thirst and the desire for her blood. As the venom began to flow once more in my mouth I knew things were getting out of control.

_Stop. Just stop._

In the nearly eighty years since Carlisle had saved me from dying during the Spanish Influenza epidemic, I had never truly struggled with the lifestyle he had introduced me to. While it was true that I had left for a period of time, acted out and behaved as a rebellious teenager, and while it was also true that I had consumed human blood during that time, I knew my reasons for doing so, and those reasons had never included a lack of control. Why did the thoughts of _that_ child whom I had only come across once and had not seen or smelled in nearly two years continue to haunt me? Carlisle had suggested she could be my singer, but could that hypothesis explain my mind's obsession with her?

Feelings of melancholy and loneliness crept over me once again. The desire to share my life with someone had become a thorn in my side ever since I had stumbled upon the girl's scent that rueful day in the airport. Although I had existed for ninety-six years, first as a human and then as a vampire, never had I felt the need, the inclination, the yearning for a companion as desperately as I had throughout the past two years. I did not understand why those emotions had emerged after meeting that child, that beautiful child, whose blood called to me like no other, yet I knew it was true.

Being around my family, all mated pairs, had never been much of a bother, though there were times when I had removed myself from whatever home we had shared when their thoughts turned too amorous. But even when I had been alone, I never had felt lonely. I had always been able to find distractions in my music, and other interests I pursued; however, the desire to be mated myself had come crashing down around me, burning me from the inside, upon meeting the girl.

From that date forward I seemed to have been split in two – there was the monster within who had become more determined than ever for its thirst and hunger to be satisfied. If that evil being had been able to take control, I knew that some how, some way I would have searched the four corners of the earth until I had found the child; she would have been consumed.

And suddenly, there was the human side, or at least the side of me that wished I were still human, that wished for a wife and perhaps children, a family. It was the part of me that wanted to give and receive love. However, it was not wise for me to ponder on that part of myself. I had less control over that side than I did of the monster. I could comprehend the creature within, its needs and desires, but as the years passed, my human memories had diminished. I could hardly recall my human parents, Edward and Elizabeth Masen. My recollections of them had become fuzzy, although I could still envision their faces. However, I was no longer their son. I was no longer a normal boy. I would no longer become the man that they had envisioned.

And any thought of the child possibly being my mate was utterly preposterous. She was much too young; yet a tiny voice in the back of my mind mocked me shamelessly.

_You don't age . . . she'll grow up eventually_.

I shook my head in disgust at the route my thoughts had taken. Had I lost all sense of reasoning? I struggled to gain control over the infinitesimal murmurings that continued nagging at my brain. None of it mattered, I told myself. She was too young and I was too old. Even if we could some day appear to be the same age, nothing would change the fact that she was a human and I was a vampire. It was unthinkable, unimaginable. I would never intentionally condemn another human being to this dark existence. I shuddered at the absurdity of it all.

As I continued to traverse the course toward Amsterdam I attempted to concentrate, re-focus my thoughts on returning to Chicago, all in an attempt to distract myself from thoughts of _her_ when I suddenly felt the urgent need to go to Pilsen. I knew Alice and Carlisle both had forbidden me to follow and I also knew that Alice would see my decision as soon as I had made it and attempt to stop me, but I could not help myself so I immediately changed course and headed in the direction toward Pilsen. No sooner had I turned my car around, did my phone ring. I did not need the gift of seeing the future to know it would be Alice. Although I did not want to speak with her, I knew I must.

"Yes, Alice," I said.

"Edward, what are you doing? I told you not to come here. We have everything under control and there's nothing you can do but make matters worse." Alice sounded wary.

"I cannot stay away," I said. "I am unable to understand it myself, but I must be involved with whatever it is you are planning. Perhaps if you would have enlightened me prior to your departure my mind would not continue to obsess needlessly over all the unfavorable possibilities."

For a moment there was silence – then I heard Carlisle on the phone, "Edward, son, what are you doing?"

Although I was sure Alice had told Carlisle exactly what I was planning, he had the courtesy to ask me anyway.

"If I could explain why I have had the overwhelming desire to suddenly travel to Pilsen, I would; but, I am at a loss. All I know is that I _must_ go there. Perhaps you could explain." I was certain he could, but unsure if he would.

I heard Carlisle sigh on the other end of the phone before he said something I would never have imagined, ever. "She's here. She's at Tanya's house."

My mind immediately attempted to make sense of what my father had said; surely he did not mean the child from the airport was there with them in Tanya's home. Of course he did not mean _that _girl; she would have had no reason to be with Tanya, surrounded by vampires. Then it hit me.

"NO," I shouted as a roar ripped through my chest. "What has Tanya done?" I felt the overwhelming inclination to sob, although I knew no tears would be shed. "Carlisle, what has happened?"

"Calm down, Edward. She's alright. It's a long story, but suffice it to say no harm has come to the girl other than being abducted by Tanya and brought to the Denali's home. Nevertheless, she is still human and she will be returned to her parents shortly. We only need to work out the logistics." Carlisle almost sounded relieved to have shared that small amount of information with me.

"What can I do?" I knew I had to do something; yet I was shocked that suddenly all desire to take her life, to consume her blood was absent. I continued to feel the dry burning in my throat as her scent began to bombard my memories, but the want, the longing, the need to taste that blood, that sweet ambrosia was gone. The monster within had somehow been caged. However, for some unknown reason I felt an overwhelming urgency to protect her.

"Right now there isn't anything for you to do except to stay away. I don't want to see you suffer again and there is no reason to put the girl in another situation which would cause her additional distress. Alice is attempting to see several possible futures which may provide available options, however, none will be pleasant for Bella."

As soon as Carlisle said her name I realized I had never heard it before. Bella, meaning beautiful, was the perfect name for such a stunning child. I shook my head, refocusing my thoughts on what Carlisle had said.

"I am not going to Amsterdam. I need to be there, please, Carlisle," I begged. "I need to help, I need to protect her. I do not claim to understand it, but I cannot allow harm to come to her."

"That's quite a change, Edward," he said slowly, before I heard Alice's voice again.

"I see it now," she said almost excitedly. "It still won't be pleasant for her, but having you around will make the situation safer for Bella, provided you can keep yourself under control."

"I am in control," I said, although I was concerned about being in such close proximity to Bella. However, I was determined not to harm her, to keep her alive, human.

"I know it will be challenging for you, Edward, but I don't see you hurting her so this plan should work. And there will be an added bonus to this new scenario, provided no decisions change, but I'll explain it all later. For now we need to get Bella ready to return to Frankfurt. Meet us at the Steigenberger Frankfurter Hof. As soon as we hang up, I'll make reservations." Alice spoke so quickly no human would have been able to understand her words, let alone hear them. Then she was gone.

I looked down at the phone, before tossing it on the seat next to me and once again changed my course. Only this time I was going to Frankfurt and I would once again see Bella. I was still unsure of her place in our family, but it seemed we all had a vested interest in protecting her.

_Especially_ me.

And _that_ I understood even less.


	4. Chapter 4 Second Sight, Second Chances

**DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer owns the entire Twilight Series, Edward, Bella and all other characters mentioned in this story. No copyright infringement is intended – I'm just having fun!**

**Special thanks to my fabulous beta, TwilightMomOfTwo, who through her suggestions, helps me find my hidden creativity. Thanks!**

**Chapter 4 – Second Sight, Second Chances**

**BPOV**

I had tossed and turned most of the night, having a nightmare where I had been taken away from Renee. As I started to wake up, I heard a voice telling me that I wasn't dreaming, I wasn't home and I wasn't sleeping in my very own comfortable bed. I wanted it to be just a bad dream, but as I rolled over, I remembered Tanya and that she _had_ taken me. I also remembered Alice, and once my eyes were open, I saw her. There she was, sitting in the same chair as she had been in when I fell asleep the night before.

"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty," Alice said, smiling.

"'Morning, Alice," I mumbled. "You didn't need to stay with me the whole night, but thanks," I yawned.

"No problem," Alice replied, chuckling.

"You probably have a stiff back. Sorry about that."

"Really, Bella. I'm okay, but I'm sure you're hungry. Want something to eat?" Alice jumped up and stretched.

"No, that's okay," I said, although I really was hungry. Just then my stomach growled and gave me away.

"Let's go tame the beast," Alice said as she laughed. "Esme has already cooked breakfast."

As we walked toward the kitchen, I noticed everyone acting as if it was just a regular day. Jasper and Emmett were watching TV, Carlisle was reading the paper, Tanya was flipping through a magazine and Esme was washing the dishes. I hadn't seen a clock yet, but it must have been late; it seemed I was the last one up.

"I hope you're hungry," Esme said cheerfully.

"Absolutely," I replied grinning.

"She should be," Alice stated as she glared at Tanya. "I don't think she's eaten much since she got here."

"I made pancakes and bacon, but if you'd like something else, please let me know," Esme replied.

"Everything looks delicious." I guess I was hungrier than I thought, but as I eyed the huge stack of pancakes I asked, "This isn't all for me, is it?"

"I always cook much more than we seem capable of eating," Esme laughed. "Just take whatever you want; we'll save the rest."

Once I had filled my plate several times and couldn't eat another bite, I said, "Thank you for breakfast," before getting up from the table to wash my dishes. Just then Esme came up behind me and gently nudged me out of the way.

"You're very welcome," she replied, beaming. "But you don't need to do that; I've got everything under control. Go relax; we'll be getting ready to leave soon."

I started to say something but Alice's laugh interrupted me, "Don't argue with her. She's a mom; she always gets the last word." Everyone started laughing, so I joined in.

"Renee's like that, too," I said quietly as I recalled memories of my mother, but quickly, I felt my expression change. Esme glanced over at me, stopped washing dishes and gave me a quick hug. She smiled at me warmly as she said, "We'll have you home soon, honey."

"Thanks," I replied, but as I hugged her, it reminded me of being in the airport – the first time I had noticed how hard and cold she was. Tanya and Alice seemed like that, too. I thought about my grandma and mom, but they never felt that way. My mind tried to tell me that there was something weird going on, but I couldn't figure it out. After a minute I shrugged my shoulders. I guessed it didn't matter.

It wasn't long before I was dressed and ready to leave. Tanya had joined us in the large open living room, as had Irina and Kate. I wasn't angry with Tanya anymore; in fact, I sort of felt sorry for her. It seemed she really wanted a family but couldn't have one. Besides, had she not taken me and brought me to her home, I probably wouldn't have seen Esme and Carlisle again and met all of the others. As we were about to leave, I looked back at Tanya, not sure if I should say anything or not.

"Bella, I very much regret what I did; however, I am not sorry we met. I only wish we could have gotten to know each other under different circumstances." Tanya tried to smile, but her eyes still looked sad.

Before I knew it, I was in a car with Carlisle and Esme. They were quiet, but it was too quiet for me. "Where are we going?" I asked.

Carlisle answered. "We're going to stay in a hotel for a few days. Alice has a plan on how we can get you home safely without anyone learning about what Tanya did or my family's involvement in bringing you home."

"What's her plan?" I asked. I couldn't imagine what Alice was up to.

"I'm not sure of all the details as yet, but Alice will explain everything when we get back to Frankfurt and reunite with Edward," Carlisle replied. He had a serious look on his face.

I wanted to go home; I wanted to see my parents. I needed Renee and Charlie to know that I was okay, but I wanted to see Edward again. I had met him two years ago at the airport when he was with Esme and Carlisle. I'd thought he was really handsome and had a nice smile like Prince Phillip in the movie 'Sleeping Beauty', but that was before he got mad at me and ran away. Now I would be seeing him again, and I was nervous because I didn't know what I had done to make him angry the first time, but a part of me was excited, too.

I had not slept well since I had been taken from home and was looking forward to being in my own room again. The lack of sleep left me feeling very tired, and Carlisle's car was comfortable, so it didn't take long before I had dozed off.

I wasn't sure how long we had been driving, but I opened my eyes when I heard a voice.

"Bella, wake up. We're here; we're at the hotel."

I started to sit up when I realized Esme was talking to me. She was sitting next to me on the back seat of the car and seemed really happy. Esme was always smiling, and when I was around her she made me feel special. I was still trying to wake up all the way as I looked around and saw that Carlisle was waiting to help me out of the car. As I stepped on the curb, I tripped. "Oops," I said as I tried to keep myself from falling down. Carlisle laughed quietly, nodded and held onto me until I was standing up straight.

As we entered the hotel, I looked around, and felt my mouth fall open wide in amazement. As I quickly closed my mouth, I whispered, "I've never seen any place so beautiful before; everything is so fancy it reminds me of a castle or a palace. I can't believe I'm staying here."

Everything was magnificent and I was afraid to touch anything. As I looked around at all the crystal and marble, I realized Carlisle was watching me; I blushed. Maybe he and Esme stayed in places like this all the time, but I sure didn't. In fact, I never had before.

My parents wouldn't believe I was in such a fabulous hotel. Then I remembered Alice telling me I wouldn't be able to mention anything to them. There were so many things I wanted to share with my parents, but couldn't. I began to wonder if I'd ever see Alice or any of them once I was back home. I had a hard time making friends but for some reason I felt very comfortable around Carlisle's family, especially Alice. It would be sad if I never got to see them again. We'd have to talk about it later.

"When will Alice get here?" I asked.

"They already arrived," Carlisle replied. "We're going upstairs to meet them now."

I was still thinking about the hotel, my family and going home when I suddenly realized that the elevator doors had opened.

"Bella?"

I jumped when I heard Alice; she was standing right next to me. "Yeah, sorry. I was thinking."

"Come on, let me show you around," Alice said, grinning as I followed her into a huge place that was bigger than my parents' apartment in Frankfurt.

"Wow! I've never seen a hotel room like this before. It's big enough for all of us."

"We're not all staying here, silly," Alice laughed. "You'll be sharing a room with me and Rosalie. Jasper, Emmett and Edward will stay in the suite next door and Carlisle and Esme have a room of their own at the end of the hall."

I wondered who Rosalie was because I didn't remember meeting her at Tanya's house. As we walked into the next part of the room, I saw that Jasper and Emmett were already there. A blond woman was there, too. I whispered very quietly to Alice, "I don't think I know her name."

"Oh, that's Rosalie. Didn't you get to meet her while we were at Tanya's house?" Alice asked curiously.

"No, I don't think so," I replied, shaking my head.

"Rosalie," Alice called her name. "Rose, I don't think you were formally introduced to Bella. Rosalie, Bella."

"Nice to meet you," I said shyly.

"Likewise," Rosalie said, barely looking up from the magazine she was reading. I tried to see the title, but couldn't from the way she was holding it. All I could see was a car on the front cover.

"Don't worry about her," Alice said laughingly. "Rose is a hard nut to crack. Besides Emmett, she doesn't care about much else, except cars." I just nodded. It seemed weird that a woman as beautiful as Rosalie would be interested in cars.

I was enjoying myself, but I knew I wouldn't be around Alice much longer. "When will I be going home?" I asked as I sat down on the couch.

"We'll discuss everything after Edward arrives. He will be joining us shortly," Alice replied, grinning from ear to ear. It made me wonder what she was thinking.

"Will I get to see you again, I mean after I go back home?" I asked Alice. I couldn't help the sad look that I knew was on my face.

"I'm not sure," Alice said. "We can't let your parents know about us. That could cause problems."

Ever since I realized I was going home I had felt a sense of relief, but I suddenly I felt disappointment, too. Although I missed Renee and Charlie, I knew how much I would miss Alice if I wasn't able to see her again. I just couldn't think of that, not right now. The idea of never talking with Alice or Esme or even Carlisle made me feel very sad. I blurted out the first thing that came to my mind.

"My dad got Renee a computer when we moved to Germany so she could keep in touch with my grandparents. Maybe I could send you messages, too," I said excitedly.

"I don't think that would be a good idea," Alice said slowly. "I'm sure your mom will wonder who's sending you messages when she checks her emails and that will cause her to start asking questions, if she even reads the messages at all before deleting them."

Alice was probably right, but there had to be a way to keep in touch. Maybe I could write her a letter, but I would need my mother to get the stamp and take me to the post office so that wouldn't work. I wouldn't be able to call Alice because I called my grandparents once without my mom's permission and got yelled at because it cost too much money. I knew there had to be way, but I just couldn't think of it. Hopefully Alice would come up with an answer later.

"Let's not worry about it right now," Alice said, as if she could read my mind. "We still have a few days before we say goodbye so let's make the most of it."

"Okay," I replied, trying not to sound too sad.

"I bought you something," Alice said, grinning widely.

"I don't need anything."

"Don't be silly. It's just a little something to keep you busy before we get you home," Alice replied. "Everyone enjoys books and I picked up one for you."

I looked down at the book Alice handed to me. It was called 'A Midsummer Night's Dream for Kids'. "Thank you, Alice," I said. "I love to read." I picked up the book and started flipping through the pages. I had no idea how long I had been sitting there when the door opened. I immediately looked up and saw Edward walk into the room. He was more handsome than I remembered. I watched him as he made his way over to Esme and kissed her on the cheek. Carlisle, who had been outside on the balcony, must have heard Edward come in. As Carlisle turned around to face Edward, he smiled, walked over to Esme, sat down next to her, and put his arm around her shoulder.

As I turned my attention back to Edward, he, of course, caught me staring at him. I smiled shyly, blushed and looked away. I was nervous because I didn't want to upset him. Just then Edward started walking towards me. I tried to look away, but couldn't. I felt hypnotized and I wasn't able to stop looking into his golden eyes. I must have been holding my breath because all of a sudden I sucked in some air which almost got stuck in my throat. I thought I was going to cough when I realized Edward had stopped dead in his tracks. Had I done something to make him angry? No, he looked happy enough, so I relaxed, and smiled.

I couldn't believe my luck when my very own Prince Charming smiled back at me as I heard him say, "Hello. My name is Edward Cullen." I giggled. Things were going to be much better this time, I thought; but at that moment, he suddenly stopped moving. Again. As I watched him, he seemed to stand up very straight and still. Then he got a strange look on his face. It almost looked like he had stopped breathing. Before I knew it, he said something, too quick for me to understand, and was gone once more. I looked for Alice but she was nowhere to be seen. Had I imagined everything?

Then the thought hit me like a ton of bricks. Why would he pay attention to me? He was a grown up, and I was just a kid. He was very handsome, and I was just plain. I looked down at my book and tried hard to see the words on the page, but I kept looking at the same sentence over and over again. That's when I felt tears in my eyes falling down my cheeks.

Before much time had passed, Alice was back in the room. She walked over to me and sat down. I tried to blink the tears out of my eyes as I said to Alice, "I've never even had a chance to talk to him, but I don't think he likes me." I felt like such an idiot.

"Don't worry, Bella," Alice said reassuringly. "Nothing's wrong. Edward has been traveling for quite some time and needs to rest. You probably do as well. I put a change of clothes in the bathroom for you; why don't you get comfortable. We really should all relax a bit before going to eat later on."

"Okay," I said with a sigh. "Will you stay with me?"

"No problem," Alice said smiling.

"You don't have to stay the entire time, just until I fall asleep."

"You just get some rest," said Alice. "I'll be here."

I guess everyone else was tired, too, because they each got up and walked toward the door. No one said anything, but Carlisle and Esme both smiled at me and waved as they left the room; then I went in the bathroom to change my clothes. It seemed Alice brought a few things for me from Tanya's house. I took off my jeans as I put on a nice comfy pair of gray yoga pants like my mom had. Alice had also brought a pair of warm, fuzzy gray sock-slippers and a navy-blue, long-sleeved thermal t-shirt. After I changed, I got in the bed and when I was comfortable, Alice sat down next to me. I really wanted to stay awake and talk, but I couldn't keep my eyes open. Being around Alice seemed to calm me, and soon I was asleep.

**-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o**

**EPOV**

As I traveled back to Frankfurt, I ruminated over the occurrences which had transpired over the past several hours. Had my interactions with Bella two years earlier somehow changed the course of her life? Of mine? What did the Fates have in mind when they caused my path to once again cross with that of the lovely child? What had brought Tanya to the location where she found Bella, and why had she abducted her? I had been unable to find a correlation between the events and yet, somehow I knew I was the common factor in it all.

I knew with a fair degree of certainty that the only ones who were aware of the events at the airport were Carlisle, Esme and Alice, and I was certain they had not spoken with any of the Denalis about what had occurred. I had been unable to glean any evidence to the contrary from the minds of Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper as they all seemed to be unaware of my involvement with Bella on that fateful day. That left me with the dilemma of how Tanya would have known and what she would have hoped to gain by abducting Bella in the first place.

Carlisle had assured me that Bella was still human, and other than being removed from her home and the emotional distress which had accompanied such an event, she had not been harmed. I was confident that both Alice and Carlisle had kept me away from Pilsen to protect Bella as well as me. I supposed I should have been thankful. I am sure at the time, Alice's vision had shown that Bella would have been better off without me around; otherwise, Alice would not have prevented me from traveling with them. However, I was confident that no one, not even Alice, had been able to foresee that the desire to take away Bella's life, to consume her aromatic blood was now surprisingly absent. I knew the feelings of unbearable thirst, the infernal burning in my throat still existed but the raging need to drain her body was gone. Somehow I had been able to cage the monster. Now my one, my only desire was to protect her, to keep her alive, to keep her human.

Perhaps the monster would always desire Bella's blood, but if I hunted feverishly before being near her, before inhaling her delectable scent, I knew I would be able to override my base instincts, and the evil demon whose only desire was to feed on the girl would remain restrained. Besides protecting her, I was not sure what else I could do to help Bella, but I knew there was some unconscious perspicacity at work, some other predilection which I could not yet comprehend. I refused to think _those _thoughts. Why did my own mind ridicule me with the ludicrous supposition that I could be anything more to her than a protector, a defender, a guardian? What other role could I possibly play in her life? None; there could be no other purpose for me to remain. What role would she play in the lives of my family? That was an entirely different question.

As I made my way to the hotel, I recalled Alice's assurances that we would be able to return Bella home safely, and that there could also be some other positive outcome. I could not help but wonder what that would be exactly, but I would be sure to ask when we had a moment alone. I had allowed Alice and Carlisle to keep their plans from me earlier, but I would insist on knowing all the details from hereon out. I was still concerned as to how Bella would be able to keep our family, as well as Tanya's family, secret but I had to trust her. As I arrived, my phone rang and, of course, it was Alice.

"I know you're here and my vision continues to show that you're in control, but I need to hear it in your voice. If this is going to cause you too much turmoil, we'll find a way to get her home without you," Alice said cautiously.

"No, I am in control. In fact, I feel fine," I said reassuringly. I thought she would have known that I had stopped on my return trip to hunt, feeding on deer and anything else I could find, which would keep my thirst under control for the time being. I decided that if it became necessary to remain in close proximity to Bella for any extended period of time, I would hunt again with my brothers as there was absolutely no way I would allow myself to be the cause of any additional harm coming to Bella.

"All right. We've already checked in, although I don't believe we'll be staying long, so we only have three suites, one for the girls, one for the boys, and one for Carlisle and Esme. Come up as soon as you can; we're all in the girls' room which, by the way, is the suite you occupied when we were last here."

I could hear Alice giggling on the other end of the phone, and wondered what she was up to but I really did not have the time to think on it as at that moment, I pulled up to the valet. Upon entering the hotel lobby, I concentrated hard on remembering Bella's scent to ensure that I was still in control; although there were many aromas permeating my senses, none held any interest for me. As I was able to exclude as possibilities many of the unwanted odors, eventually Bella's exquisite scent, the intoxicating fragrance which seemed to be a combination of lavender and freesia, wafted through my nostrils and down the back of my throat. Venom began to pool in my mouth, but the urge did not follow as it had before. I was sure some type of internal struggle would ensue; however, I was no longer fearful of the outcome. As I made my way toward the elevators, I heard Alice.

"_Jasper has told me that Bella's a bit nervous. I can only assume it's because she knows she's going to be seeing you again. Apparently she wasn't that anxious even around Tanya. You seem to have made quite the impression, Edward. Jasper thinks she's struggling between fear, anxiety and something else but he's not quite sure what that is." _

I grinned as I recalled the moment I had originally caught her gaze in the airport _before_ I had caught her scent. At the time, I could not help but notice the shy smile that had come across her face as the young beauty stared at me. I had wondered if she thought I was attractive. But of course she did – all of my kind were attractive to humans. There had been nothing special about her reaction to me, I told myself. She was a child, for heaven's sake. I knew my feelings for her were innocent enough. I only wanted to protect her like an older brother and I easily fit in the older category; a ninety-six year old big brother. Yet, I could not keep from grinning as I walked into the hallway. I heard Alice's thoughts as well as those of the rest of my family. It seemed they purposefully had not yet opened the door.

"_I hope you're alright, son,"_ Carlisle thought. _"If you in any way feel the need to leave, please do so. I know you said you were in control, and I believe you, but if the effort becomes too great, no one will think less of you for leaving to protect Bella."_

"_Edward, I know you'll do what's right; you don't want to harm her, but we'll all understand if you aren't up to the challenge, especially Carlisle and me. We were there. We saw everything first hand and I don't want you to suffer like that again, nor do I want anything to happen to Bella. We've only spent a short time with her, but I already so enjoy her company. She's such a sweet girl."_

I would know Esme's thoughts anywhere. They were always so kind, always filled with concern for others.

"_Carlisle told us what happened. Sorry, bro. I had no idea. It reminded me of the times I slipped up, but Carlisle said your situation in the airport was different and so much worse. I don't know how you can handle being around her; smelling her must be overwhelming. I think what you're trying to do is amazing. Let me say, though, that in the few days I've spent with Bella, she's already like a little sister to me and I won't let you hurt her. If you try, you'll have to get through me first. I don't know if that makes you feel better or not, but it's the truth."_

Emmett was a great brother, and although I was not surprised that he had already bonded with Bella, I was surprised that he hadn't scared her away. He was quite a frightening sight to most adult humans so I had assumed he would definitely scare a nearly nine year old girl. Yet, he did seem like a big kid most of the time and that was part of his charm and appeal. Bella must have seen that side of Emmett.

Rosalie was bored and she did not seem to be interested in what was going on. While she did not wish any harm coming to Bella, she had no idea as to why I would have any harder time resisting 'that human' as compared to any other.

It was then that I listened for Jasper and was surprised by what he thought. _"Edward, I can help keep Bella calm, but I'm not sure I'm strong enough to handle your thirst and mine while being in such close proximity to her. I know Alice needs us all in order for her plan to succeed, whatever those plans are; but if you think you're going to lose control, I hope you'll be able to hold on long enough for me to get away. I can only imagine the internal battle you fought in the airport – Carlisle told us about it. I know you were able to leave her alive last time; I don't want to be the one to cause her death this time, especially since she managed to survive being kidnapped by Tanya."_

I did not want to cause Jasper any additional distress since he would be able to feel if my thirst for Bella's blood got out of control. I would have to remember to concentrate, focus on keeping the beast caged.

As I entered the room where my family and Bella had settled, I tried again to hear Bella's mind but all I accomplished was having my head bombarded with numerous other mental images which I quickly attempted to block. I looked around the room as I walked over to Esme, leaning down to kiss her cheek and then nodding and smiling at Carlisle when he entered the room through the glass doors; he had been outside on the balcony, but the apprehension was evident in his thoughts, as he turned to face me.

"_I honestly don't have any idea how you're doing it. The change in your countenance compared to your previous confrontation is amazing, miraculous, even. I've never seen anything like it. If Alice had not been able to see that Bella would be safe in your presence, I doubt that any amount of discussion would have convinced me. I'm very proud of you, Edward; however, I hope you're wise enough to realize your own limitations. I'm sure you'll have to hunt more often then the rest of us, with the exception of Jasper. He may need to hunt with you for different reasons, but please don't feel disappointed or upset if this becomes too much for you to handle. The strength you've displayed thus far is exemplary. I'm not sure I could have walked away from her like you did."_

Carlisle smiled as he walked toward Esme, placing his arm around her shoulder as he sat down next to her; however, I could feel myself becoming agitated. Why did he continue to question my ability to control my thirst? Had Alice's vision changed? Had she not seen that Bella would be safe around me? I would not, could not, harm Bella. I would sooner ripe off my own limbs than feed on her sweet nectar. The images which ran through my mind, of Bella dead in my arms at my own hand, drained of blood, lifeless, broken, nearly tore my frozen heart into pieces. It was the first time in my many years as a vampire that I even realized my heart existed, albeit as a non-beating one. I knew that I would die protecting her if necessary; I only wished my father could understand my convictions.

It was at that moment I saw Bella sitting in a chair, reading a book. When she realized I was there, she looked up and smiled shyly at me as the most luscious shade of pink blossomed on her cheeks; suddenly a warm feeling came over me as I smiled back at her. It was then I recalled that the last time I met her I had behaved rather badly and had never actually introduced myself to her. Assuming that everyone had previously been formally introduced, I walked in her direction while still keeping some distance between us. As I looked into her beautiful chocolate brown eyes I heard her gasp. I stopped dead in my tracks, thinking that I had scared her, but then seeing a relaxed expression come over her face, I looked at her again and said, "Hello. My name is Edward Cullen." She giggled. I looked around at my family who all seemed to be smiling, especially Alice.

I tried to focus on their thoughts again, but stopped when I heard Jasper.

" – _he seems to be fine. It's amazing. No desire for her blood at all. And the emotions coming from Bella, well I'm not sure what they are. Wonderment perhaps."_

I felt myself momentarily tense, standing straighter than before as I stopped breathing. Although I did not fear harming Bella, hearing Jasper reminded me of the struggle within myself. I did not want to appear rude, so I excused myself feigning the need to use the facilities and walked out the door, immediately realizing I had no room key. It was no surprise that Alice walked out right behind me.

"_Come on, Edward. Give yourself a break. You're not going to hurt her. I'm not sure what just happened but my vision hasn't changed. If I had any inclination that you would harm her, even consider harming her, I'd have Emmett help you or even Jasper, although I'm actually more concerned about Jasper than you. There's no need for you to worry, really. You're going to be fine."_

Before I could respond, she handed me a room key, mentally showing me to the correct door. Then Alice turned and re-entered Bella's room. Although I was unable to hear Bella's thoughts I was able to hear her words when she said, "I've never even had a chance to talk to him, but I don't think he likes me." Her voice sounded so melancholy. All I wanted to do was protect that beautiful child and I was already failing miserably.

Then I heard Alice defend me as she said, "Don't worry, Bella. Nothing's wrong. Edward has been traveling for quite some time and needs to rest. You probably do as well. I put a change of clothing in the bathroom for you; why don't you get comfortable. We really should all relax a bit before going to eat later on."

"Okay," Bella said with a sigh. "Will you stay with me?"

"No problem," Alice said. I could see the smile on her face.

"You don't have to stay the entire time, just until I fall asleep."

"You just get some rest," said Alice. "I'll be here."

I heard everyone else get up and begin to move toward the door. I did not need Bella to see me standing in the hallway, so I quickly left and went to the room. Once inside, I sank into a chair as I waited for everyone else to arrive. I was pleased when I heard the others enter my parents' room; I was not quite prepared to face anyone yet as I needed some time to decompress so I did my best to decrease the mental chatter swirling around my mind.

Not much time had passed when I heard Alice leave Bella's room and walk down the hall. Bella must have fallen asleep. "Edward, you need to come to Carlisle's room so we can begin discussing my plan for getting Bella home." I nodded my head as I got up to join the rest of my family.

"We better get started because I don't know how much time we'll have before Bella wakes up," Alice said anxiously. "She hasn't been sleeping well; she seems to toss and turn a lot. It appears she subconsciously knows when she's alone and that's when she tends to wake up. We need to discuss certain things without her being present before explaining to her what's going to happen."

Ever since Alice's first vision of Tanya and Bella, she had been quietly monitoring the news. Apparently when the incident first occurred, the story of yet another child abduction had been on every channel imaginable, but as the days dragged on the media coverage became less and less as no new leads were found. The authorities suspected a certain pedophile, Alonso Calderas Wallace, who had been seen in Frankfurt and who was also suspected in the abductions and murders of several other children in the surrounding areas; however, thus far he had eluded authorities and, of course, no evidence linking him to Bella, Charlie or Renee had been found.

We were all listening intently as Alice disclosed her plan to us but it was too unbelievable. Had my sister lost her mind? I could feel the dread taking over me when I suddenly felt a calming wave.

_Jasper._

I took a deep breath, although I did not really need the air; it was just a way to try to calm myself as I felt an overabundance of apprehension getting dangerously out of control. "Alice, I do not believe there are no other options because what you described sounds insane. There absolutely must be another way. Why would it be necessary to put her in additional danger?"

"Bella will never be alone, Edward," Alice replied. "That's why it was important for you to be able to control your thirst. You'll be in the room with her the entire time, out of sight, monitoring the thoughts of the others."

"There has to be another way," I insisted. It seemed ironic that no sooner had I decided to protect Bella from the beast within, we would be placing her in the hands of another type of monster, the human kind.

"How will your plan keep Bella from having to lie?" I asked.

"It was the middle of the night when Tanya took her so Bella didn't see much; she was frightened and kept her eyes closed. It was cool that night, so if she mentions being cold, no one will think anything of it and Bella still doesn't know how far Tanya ran with her. There will be some questions which remain unanswered, but it's of no concern. Bella will be safe and that's all that matters," Alice said, smiling.

I looked at Alice and then at Carlisle. He did not appear happy about Alice's plan, either, but it did make a small amount of sense. I sighed. Alice was convinced her plan would work and no one should bet against Alice, I reminded myself.

Once Bella had awakened, Alice ordered her room service, stating that we had already eaten. Then it was time to sit down and discuss the plan. Alice explained how we would get Bella home with as little elaboration as possible. There were times that, although I could not read her mind, it was clear from the expressions on her face, that she did not totally believe everything Alice said, but in the end we were able to convince Bella that we would make sure she was safely home, so she reluctantly agreed. Bella needed to return to her family and did not want to cause any trouble for Tanya; there appeared to be no other viable option. The plan would also keep my family a secret so that was how we decided to proceed. Bella would not have to lie; she would just have to not say anything at all.

Now that Bella knew just enough, we would need to begin the first phase of the plan to get her home.

**AN: The book Alice bought for Bella titled 'A Midsummer Night's Dream for Kids (Shakespeare Can Be Fun!)' was written by Lois Burdett and published by Firefly Books Ltd., copyright 1997.**

**I hope you're enjoying the story so far. Please let me know the good and the bad by reviewing. Thanks! **


	5. Chapter 5 Reunions and GoodByes

**DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer owns the entire Twilight Series, Edward, Bella and all other characters mentioned in this story. No copyright infringement is intended – I'm just having fun!**

**AN: I have the best Beta – TwilightMomofTwo. If you are even enjoying this story a little bit, you've got to read her stories. She's fantastic! You can check out her stories under my favorites. **

**Chapter 5 – Reunions and Good-byes**

**BPOV**

I knew I had to go home to Charlie and Renee, but Alice's plan was crazy. It didn't make any sense. She said they'd take me to an old house, call the police and let them know where to find me. Supposedly the police wouldn't know who made the phone call because it would be an anonymous tip. All I had to do was sit and wait to be rescued. I didn't understand how they'd keep me safe, but Alice was sure I'd be okay.

I didn't understand why I couldn't tell my parents or anyone else about the Cullens. Why did I have to keep them a secret? They hadn't done anything wrong. In fact, they'd saved me and were taking me home. I understood that if I told anyone about Tanya, she'd go to jail for kidnapping, but the Cullens had kept me safe, at least so far.

Why couldn't I tell my parents that I'd escaped and Carlisle and Esme found me wandering on the side of the road? Alice was sure that if I told anyone about them, it would lead back to Tanya. She said that could cause trouble and I didn't want anything bad happening to Carlisle's family. They'd been very good to me; yet, there was a voice in my head telling me something fishy was going on. No matter how hard I tried to ignore it, the voice wouldn't go away.

Carlisle, Edward and Alice had gone into another room while Esme, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett stayed with me. Esme was reading a book, Rosalie was flipping through the pages of her car magazine and Jasper and Emmett were fighting over the TV remote. If I had big brothers I'd want them to be just like Jasper and Emmett; they made me laugh. Being an only child had its advantages, but after spending time with the Cullens, it made me realize it might've been nice to have brothers and sisters. As I looked back to Jasper and Emmett, I noticed they weren't fighting any more so they must've agreed on which TV show to watch. I went back to reading my book and waiting for Alice, Edward and Carlisle to return. I didn't have to wait long and before I realized it, we were leaving.

Both Edward and Alice knew where we were going; I drove with Edward, Carlisle and Esme. Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie rode with Alice. It was night and really dark so I couldn't see very well, but some of the streets had lights on the sides of the road. Occasionally I glanced out the window, not really looking at anything in particular and saw trees, signs, and a few cars. Eventually it dawned on me that everything seemed to passing by fast, I mean _really _fast. Without the lights it was hard to see so I hadn't realized just how quickly Edward was driving.

I closed my eyes for a minute to see if it felt like I was on Space Mountain because that's how fast it seemed we were going, but it didn't feel any different than any other time I rode in a car with Renee and Charlie. Maybe it was because of the darkness or maybe it was because I always seemed to get to places too quickly when I didn't want a trip to end. That reminded me of when my mother and I took Charlie to the airport in Phoenix every time he'd have to leave. The drive to the airport would be over in a few minutes, but after saying good-bye and dropping him off, the trip back to my grandparents' house would seem to take forever. It made sense that time would be flying now since I wasn't ready to say good-bye to the Cullens.

Esme was sitting next to me. As I sat back in my seat, I leaned against her side and she put her arm around me. Thinking about going home made me feel happy, nervous, a little afraid and sad, too. My time with the Cullens was coming to an end and I was pretty sure I'd never see them again. Thinking about that made me anxious, but feeling Esme next to me helped me relax. I wasn't watching where we were going, but after we'd been driving for a while, Edward turned off the main road onto a bumpy one; it reminded me of the dirt roads Charlie drove on when he'd take me fishing. My father loved to fish; I didn't really like it, but enjoyed spending time alone with him. Renee never went so it was just me and my dad.

All of a sudden it seemed darker than it had been a moment ago. That's when I realized Edward must've turned off the headlights. I always thought you needed the car lights at night to see where you were going, but what did I know? I just hoped he wouldn't hit a tree or anything. When Edward stopped the car and we got out, I saw more trees and knew we were in a forest; I was really glad we hadn't crashed.

Now it was time to say good-bye, and I didn't want to go. I felt tears trickling down my cheeks; quickly I wiped them away before anyone noticed. I was going to miss Esme; she had been like a mother to me. I looked up at her and smiled.

"Bella, I'm going to miss you. It's been such a pleasure having you around. Thank you," Esme said smiling. Her eyes looked like she was going to cry, but no tears came out.

I ran over to her and threw my arms around her waist. I didn't know what she was thanking me for. I hadn't done anything, but they had. "Thank you, Esme, for taking such good care of me." Before I knew what had happened, she picked me up and gave me a big hug before setting me back down.

I looked over at Alice. I'd never had a friend like her before. She'd been really nice to me even though she was older than me. I wondered if we'd be best friends if she lived near me. Maybe not best friends, but I bet she would've hung out with me sometimes. That would've been great. Unfortunately, that's not how it was going to be; I couldn't help myself. Stupid tears started again.

"Bella, don't cry. It's going to be okay," Alice said as she hugged me. "You're going home to be with your family. Isn't that what you want?"

I nodded my head and tried to dry my eyes. Wait, was she giving me a choice? Could I stay with them if I wanted to? Did I really have to go back home?

Before I could even ask a question, Alice said, "I'd love to have you stay with me. We'd be great friends, but wouldn't you miss your mom and dad? I know they miss you very much."

She was right, of course. Alice always seemed to be right. She always had the answers, even when I didn't like them. I smiled at her through my tears and said, "Alice, thank you for everything. I'd love to live with you, too, but you're right. I know that my mom and dad are worried sick about me. I have to go home; it's the right thing to do."

"Bella," Emmett said loudly. "You better not leave before saying bye to me." I couldn't help but laugh. The first time I'd seen Emmett he'd really scared me, but he was so nice, like a big teddy bear.

"Bye, Emmett," I said softly. "Thanks for not letting me fall down and for making me laugh." I couldn't help but giggle when I said that.

I looked toward Jasper and Rosalie, smiled and waved at them before turning to Carlisle. He was smiling at me with a sad look in his eyes, but he should be happy, after all, I was the one leaving. I couldn't help myself as I ran to him and he picked me up. "Thank you, Carlisle. You and Esme saved me in the airport and then you saved me again." I gave him the biggest hug I could.

"Take good care of yourself, Bella," Carlisle replied as he put me back down, once again making sure I wouldn't fall before letting go.

Finally my eyes fell on Edward as he walked towards to me. It took me by surprise when he knelt down in front of me. His eyes were glowing and he seemed to be looking right through me when he asked, "Are you ready?"

My words stuck in my throat so I just nodded; then he held out his hands and opened his arms as he picked me up. I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist before resting my head on his shoulder. Edward put one arm under my knees and the other around my back which reminded me of the way Charlie carried me when I fell asleep in the car. My dad didn't make me walk when I was sleepy since I always fell so easily when I was wide awake. I didn't want to think of Edward as my dad so I pretended he was my prince and I was a princess. I could've stayed in Edward's arms forever.

I didn't know how long Edward had been walking with me when I heard him ask, "Bella, are you okay?"

"Yes," I said quietly, my voice squeaking as he interrupted my thoughts. It would've been embarrassing if he'd been able to read my mind. Just then his hand touched my neck and I shivered.

_Cold. Just like Esme and Alice._

So far I hadn't been able to come up with a good reason for why they seemed so cold to me. Maybe the whole family just had cold skin, I told myself.

I kept my eyes closed and tried hard not to think about what we were doing. I wasn't ready to leave Edward yet. I knew it was silly, I was just a plain, little girl, but being around him made me happy. I lifted my head off Edward's shoulder and shook it, trying to get rid of the foolish thoughts in my head. Then I looked around. I wasn't sure how far we'd gone, but I found myself in a dark, damp room. Edward carefully put me down, making sure I wasn't going to fall before wrapping a blanket around me. I knew he was going to leave and I panicked.

"Please don't leave me. I know your family's waiting, but I'm afraid. Please stay with me." I was having a hard time breathing, my voice was shaking. It was hard to see his face in the dark, but I heard him answer me very, very quietly.

"I will not leave you," he said as he lifted me up and carried me across the room. When he sat down, he pulled me onto his lap, saying, "I will stay with you until the authorities arrive. I cannot allow them to find me here with you, but I promise not to leave until the very last possible second. I will protect and keep you safe, Bella."

I was still afraid, but hearing him say he wasn't leaving helped. Then I felt him kiss the top of my head. My heart started beating fast. It didn't mean anything, I told myself. He was just being nice so I wouldn't be frightened. Charlie kissed me on the head all the time and Edward was just acting like my dad. I wished it was a kiss from my prince, but I knew better and soon Edward would be gone. I decided that Sleeping Beauty and Snow White were lucky because when they were alone, without their princes, they were asleep. My prince was going away and I was wide awake. I tried really hard to breathe. At least Edward wasn't leaving right that second.

We sat there together for a while in silence before Edward looked at me and said, "Bella, the police will be here any second so I need to leave. I will not be far and if you need me, I will come back immediately. Please do not worry; you are going to be fine and soon you will be home with your parents."

I knew I should be happy and I tried to smile, but I didn't feel like it. However, I didn't want Edward to see how sad I was so I gave him the best happy face I could as I said, "Thank you, Edward, for staying with me and making me feel better." Then I hopped down off his lap and gave him a hug.

Edward smiled at me and then he was gone; it seemed like he disappeared into thin air. I was alone. I sat down in the chair, imagining Edward was still with me, trying not to think about the dark, cold room, and waited.

Edward hadn't been gone very long, although it seemed like forever, when I heard the police burst into the house. They yelled at someone; then broke down the door to the room where I was hiding. There I was, still sitting where Edward had left me, holding onto the blanket, trying to keep warm. A women police officer smiled as she came to my side before asking if I could walk. I nodded as I got up off the chair, following her out of the house. That's when I heard my mom screaming my name. Before I had time to take a breath, Renee and Charlie had surrounded me, nearly knocking me down. Renee couldn't seem to give me enough hugs and kisses which was weird because she'd never acted like that before. Charlie kept me from falling over as they walked with me to an ambulance. I didn't want to go to the hospital; I'd gone enough in my life already because of my own clumsiness. I knew I wasn't hurt, but my dad said it was routine. Renee would ride with me while Charlie would follow behind in the car.

As we drove to the hospital, I closed my eyes; I wanted to pretend I was somewhere else. Anywhere. Anywhere Edward might be, but my mother wouldn't stop talking. Her voice was like a horn blaring in my ears. "Bella, honey, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I would've done if they hadn't found you. I was sick with worry. Your dad came home immediately. Everyone was working night and day to find you, but I had started to lose hope. I thought losing you was my punishment for being such a bad mother, but your father insisted we'd get you back. It was all I could do to hold onto his faith. Your grandparents are at the apartment. They flew in a few days ago; they refused to wait for your birthday. They wanted to be here when we found you. They'll meet us at the hospital. I'm sure your dad has called them already."

My mother kept going on and on but I wasn't paying attention. I was thinking about Alice, Esme and Edward. Especially, Edward. I didn't have their address or phone number and I'd never given them mine. They were gone. Forever. Those thoughts hit me like a ton of bricks and before I knew it, I was crying, hard. My mother probably thought it was because of what I'd been through, but it wasn't. I was upset because for the second time in as many years, my Prince Charming had disappeared, vanished. Would I ever see him again?

When we arrived at the hospital, I was immediately surrounded by doctors and nurses shining bright lights in my eyes and poking and prodding me while asking tons of questions. I answered without telling them anything about Tanya and the Cullens. I pretended I didn't remember much about that night, which was sort of true. I had no idea where I'd actually been taken and besides being cold and hungry, I wasn't really hurt. I overhead the doctors telling my dad and some other people how lucky I was to have been found unharmed because they believed the man that had been arrested had hurt other children. I wondered if Alice knew that. I didn't want to hear any more about it because I was getting frightened so I put my hands over my ears and decided to go to sleep. That was the first night I dreamed about Edward.

When I opened my eyes, I didn't know where I was. It took a minute for me to remember that I was in the hospital and that they must've moved me to a regular room while I was sleeping. I wasn't sure what time it was, but it was still dark. I guess the doctor had decided to keep me overnight for observation. I'd done that before and was used to it, but I still couldn't wait to get home. As I looked around, I thought I saw something move out of the corner of my eye. Reddish-brown hair? No, I thought. My eyes were playing tricks on me; but, then I heard my mom walk into the room. She was quiet; she probably thought I was still asleep. I looked at her and smiled as she whispered, "Honey, go back to sleep. I didn't mean to wake you." I wanted to tell her to go home, and get some rest, that I was okay, but I was too tired. I rolled over and fell asleep again.

When I woke up in the morning, I heard people talking with Charlie and Renee. When they saw that I was awake, my parents immediately came over to the bed.

"Hi, honey," Renee said. She looked tired, but happy.

"How do you feel, Bells?" Charlie asked. He still looked worried.

"I'm okay," I said, yawning.

It wasn't long before they started asking me questions, many the same as the night before, and I gave them the same answers. I turned and looked toward the window when I heard the police officers tell Charlie and Renee that they wouldn't need me to go to court. Then they started whispering. I guess they didn't want me to hear them, but I thought they said something about evidence and crime scenes; I really didn't care. Before leaving, they said I would be safe and I tried to act happy. Quickly though, the sad feelings came back when I thought about the Cullens.

Finally, I was allowed to go home. As we drove, I stared out the window. I knew I'd never see Alice or Edward again, but there was one time when we stopped at a red light that I was sure I'd seen a tall guy who looked like Edward. I knew it was silly and that I was wasting my time, but I couldn't give up hope that they'd find me. I was quiet the whole ride home and before I knew it, the car had stopped. The doors flew open and there were my grandparents. I didn't have a chance to step out of the car before they grabbed me up and gave me almost as many hugs and kisses as Renee and Charlie had the day before. I was really happy to see them, but I just couldn't shake the loneliness I felt, even with my entire family around me.

Not long after I got home, it was my birthday. I pretended to be happy as we celebrated with cake, ice cream and gifts, lots of gifts. I really tried, but I was empty inside. It was the same feeling I had when my dad left for new assignments, but for some reason it felt worse and I didn't know how to make it better. My parents didn't know what to say or do; they were afraid I'd start crying. Everyone was walking on eggshells around me, even my grandparents. One night after I'd gone to bed, I heard Charlie and Renee fighting in the other room.

When I got older, I figured out exactly why my mother hadn't heard anything even though my room had been right across the hall from hers. At the time I thought my dad was angry because Renee hadn't paid attention to me; she didn't check on me before going to bed like Charlie always did. Apparently she had also forgotten to lock the door. The truth, however, was that my mother had been otherwise occupied with Phil that night. A bomb could've dropped on our apartment and Renee would never have known. That was the biggest reason why it took Charlie years to forgive my mother. That night, though I heard their fight, I didn't fully understand what my mother had done to make Charlie so angry.

"This was all your fault," Charlie said to Renee. "She's always loved her birthdays; she's trying to pretend that everything's alright but it's not. I can see the sadness in her eyes. She tries to hide it, but she can't. If you'd paid more attention to her rather than Phil that night, nothing would've happened." I was shocked. I'd never heard my dad speak to my mother that way before. I'd never heard him so angry.

"If you hadn't brought me to this horrible place to begin with and then left me alone, I never would've met Phil. You promised before I agreed to move away from _my _home that you wouldn't be gone so much; it seems you lied, too. If I'd known I would be alone, Bella and I would've stayed in Phoenix. Then certainly nothing would've happened, so don't go blaming me. This was as much your fault as mine," Renee shouted.

I'd never heard my parents fight. Ever. I hated that I was the cause of their argument and I wanted it to stop. I immediately knew what I had to do. I had to forget about the Cullens. I'd never get my fairy tale; those stories weren't real anyway. I wasn't one of the Disney princesses I'd read about; I had to stop pretending and grow up. I was angry that I'd caused my parents' fight and I wouldn't be the reason they got a divorce.

Some of the kids at school told me I was lucky because my parents were together; I hadn't understood what that meant so one of the girls, Betty, explained it to me. She lived with her dad and hardly ever saw her mom. She told me one of the boys in my class, Ricky, lived with his mom and never saw his dad. Some of the other kids went back and forth between two houses and they hated it, never knowing where they were going to sleep. Betty told me her parents never got along and that she and her brother were always stuck in the middle. I decided that no matter what, I'd keep my family together, even if I had to forget about Edward. My family had to come first.

I went back to school and was relieved when no one asked me where I'd been. Every day when I got home, both Charlie and Renee were there and we spent all of our time together which was really nice. Each day I did everything I could to forget. When I started boxing up my Disney movies and books, my mom asked me why. I told her I would be ten on my next birthday; I was growing up and I didn't need those silly stories anymore. I don't think she believed me, but she didn't argue. I wanted to give everything to a church or school. My parents weren't very religious, but my grandparents had taken me to church a few times when I lived with them and I remembered that we got to watch movies and eat snacks. We also got to watch movies when I was in Kindergarten so I thought either of those places might want my stuff, but mom said no. She said I might want them again one day, so she took the boxes and hid them away. I didn't care as long as I never saw them again.

I did my best to act like everything was fine when I was around Charlie and Renee. I needed them to stay together; I didn't want to end up like the kids at school. It seemed to take a while, but eventually my parents were happy again. Renee was finally getting what she wanted – Charlie didn't go away like he used to. It seemed everything had gotten back to normal, better actually, because my dad was home. More importantly, they thought I was happy and I'd do anything in the world to keep it that way. What they didn't know was that when I was alone, the empty feeling came back. I often cried myself to sleep, but I didn't want my parents to fight so I kept everything to myself.

I had been back for a while when I started worrying about Charlie leaving. I had asked him when we'd be moving back to Phoenix and he said we'd be in Germany for about another year. That was the good news. That bad news was that after what happened, I didn't want to stay in Frankfurt alone with Renee after Charlie left again. I would miss my dad if I moved back to Phoenix with Renee, but I wasn't sure what would be worse – being alone with her in Germany and seeing Charlie every now and then, or living in Phoenix with Renee and my grandparents, but not seeing my dad at all. I was sure he'd be sad, but I was very surprised by his reaction. Apparently, my parents had discussed everything already and in light of what had happened, Charlie had been able to get reassigned to a different unit which would allow him to be home most of the time. I couldn't believe how happy I was. Maybe things were going to work out after all. I'd get to be with both my parents at the same time, and that was worth any price I had to pay.

The year passed quickly. I went to school, my dad went to work and my mom had lots of hobbies. I was never sure what Renee did, but at least she was always busy and happy. It wasn't long before our time in Germany was over, I had turned ten and we were on a flight home to Phoenix.

**-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o**

**EPOV**

Although we had all consented to support Alice's stratagem, I could not be persuaded that it was the proper path to follow. We had apprised Bella of the general plan to get her home, but I sincerely believed there had to be another alternative.

I decided to confront Alice one last time before we left the hotel even though she had already become quite annoyed with me. "Alice, are you absolutely positive there is no other way? I am not doubting your vision, only whether or not it is the best course of action," I asked quietly so Bella would not be able to hear me.

"_Yes, I'm sure and, by the way, it is apparent that you doubt my ability as you continue to question my sight. Don't you think I would prefer a different, safer way to get Bella home? Absolutely. But so far, I've only had one vision. As long as we stick to our current path, nothing bad will happen. You really need to have confidence in me," _Alice huffed.

She was about to continue when Carlisle noticed our exchange and walked over to where we were.

"Let's take this to another room, shall we?" Carlisle suggested.

Alice and I both concurred so we followed Carlisle to his suite at the end of the hall. Once we were alone, Alice said, "Bella's already told me what a poor liar she is so the less she has to say, the better. If we follow the current course, Wallace will never know she's there. Of course he'll deny everything, but the authorities will find her in his house, in a room which was locked from the outside. When they run his fingerprints, he'll be linked to other child abductions throughout Frankfurt and the surrounding areas. No harm will come to Bella, Edward. I promise you that."

I knew Carlisle was skeptical as well, but he did seem to discern some wisdom from Alice's vision. "Edward," he said. "Not only do we need to get her home safely, but we must do everything possible to ensure the authorities believe Bella was kidnapped by someone other than Tanya. We certainly can't allow Bella to tell her parents about the Denalis."

"_Or us," _he thought.

I knew that Carlisle was accurate in his assessment. No matter what else I could say about Alice's contrivance, I could not deny that she wholeheartedly believed her ruse would be successful and that in the end, the best possible outcome would play out. I remained distraught that a last minute decision could be made that would alter the course of her vision, but Alice reminded me that she would remain nearby, monitoring Bella's future the entire time.

Knowing I would never be one hundred percent convinced of the strategy Alice proposed, but knowing that the longer we waited, the more problematic it could become, I agreed. "Let's proceed with the plan Alice has recommended." With those words we returned to the girls' suite where Bella was waiting with the rest of my family. I felt my anxiety level diminish slightly although I was still distraught; I would not be content until Bella was safely home.

Since both Alice and I knew where to find the location of the dilapidated building where the evil, depraved, human monster could be found, Bella rode with me as did Carlisle and Esme. Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie drove with Alice. It was night so we were able to drive faster than was customary when in the presence of a human; however, as I was unable to hear Bella's thoughts, I could not help but wonder what her reaction would be to the speed at which we were traveling.

"_Edward, is it really wise to drive so fast with Bella in the car?"_

I glanced over at Carlisle who had looked back at Bella and Esme.

"_She keeps looking out the window and although it's dark, I'm sure even her human eyes can tell we're going a bit fast."_

I did not think it was a problem; Carlisle had not indicated that Bella appeared fearful. But then I heard him again, _"Now her eyes are closed. I wonder if she's sick. Perhaps you really should slow down a little."_

Maybe he was right. Alice was ahead of us, but I knew where I was going so we would meet them shortly. I definitely did not want Bella to become ill because of my driving.

As I looked in the rear-view mirror, I saw her beautiful face. She sat in the back seat with Esme whose arm was securely around her, but I was unable to comprehend all the emotions which were evident in her eyes. I understood fear, even anxiety, but there was something else, perhaps sadness? No, that could not be right. What would cause her to be sad? Bella would soon be reunited with her family and the entire nightmare concluded. Perhaps I had misunderstood her expression; it was unfortunate that Jasper was not with us. He would have been able to tell me what Bella was feeling, although I would still not be able to discern the meaning behind her emotions.

While I no longer struggled with her savory scent, the monster securely locked away, I ached to hear her mind. Why was it closed off to me? Was Bella some how physiologically different than other humans? It did not help the situation that she was so verbally quiet, as well. I wondered if I would be able to read her parents' thoughts; unfortunately, I would never have the opportunity to try. Bella was an enigma, a mystery and I wanted nothing more than to understand this fascinating –

_Stop! She's someone's little girl. _

I did not mean anything by it; I knew I truly only wanted to understand her better so that I could protect her with the best of my ability. I was nothing like the deviant, Wallace. I would not drink her succulent blood nor would I harm her body. I would never behave inappropriately towards Bella. Never.

"_Edward, are you alright?"_

I peered over at Carlisle and nodded. I decided I would discuss everything with him later.

The trip did not take long and soon we came upon the dark, empty road which would eventually lead us to the loathsome man who had exploited children and performed despicable acts with them. I had tried not to listen to the news broadcasts during the times of the previous child abductions, but the topic was unavoidable as the subject was constantly in the minds of the humans around me. Whenever another child was found, the authorities always attempted to keep the gruesome details out of the media, but somehow the information was leaked and once that occurred, everyone became aware of the way the bodies had been mutilated and disfigured. That was one of the reasons I had been so opposed to Alice's plan from the beginning; any scenario that put Bella in such close proximity to such a vile monster should be avoided at all cost. I could not help but find the morose humor in my situation. It was quite ironic that I was in fact a dangerous monster who should not be around Bella and yet I was trying to save her from a human one.

I turned my headlights off to prevent anyone from observing our vehicle as we drove to the wooded area where the cars would remain hidden until Bella was safely returned to her parents. As we disembarked, each member of my family mentally reviewed their responsibilities once more.

First, I would carry Bella to where Wallace was hiding in some old, ramshackle building. I was still unsure of how I would be able to leave her in a room in the back of the building with the evil beast so close to Bella in another room. She was to believe that I had left her alone when in actuality I would remain, hiding nearby, monitoring everyone's thoughts, until the authorities arrived; however, I was having a difficult time contemplating not remaining in the room with her. The thought of her alone sent a cold chill through my already frozen body. I knew Alice and Jasper would also be close by but that gave me little comfort.

Jasper must have felt my apprehension return as I suddenly felt quite peaceful. I smiled at him, nodding my thanks. He would monitor the heinous man's emotions. Should it become necessary, Jasper would make him feel rather lethargic thus ensuring he would not move until Bella was safely out of harm's way, while Alice would continue to focus on her visions, for any possible changes. Emmett and Rosalie would keep watch for the authorities' arrival and Carlisle and Esme would place the anonymous phone call alerting the police to Bella's location, then remain near our cars. I acknowledged everyone's role in Alice's plan with a bow of my head and was turning my attention to Bella when I heard Carlisle.

"_Edward, I know this is difficult for you, but it's what must be done. Bella cannot remain with us even though she seems to fit in so easily with our family. From my conversations with everyone, it appears we have all developed quite an attachment to her, but you know the consequences should she ever discover the truth about us."_

I looked at Carlisle to acknowledge his thoughts as I walked over to where Bella was standing on the other side of my car. From the moment we had exited our vehicles, only a few seconds had passed and Bella had remained unaware of our mental exchanges. Suddenly it struck me that now would be the time for Bella to say good-bye to my family and for some reason, she appeared hesitant; that was when I noticed the tears streaming down her cheeks. She quickly wiped them away before she realized that I had noticed. I felt an overpowering compulsion to comfort her, but I did not want to cause her additional discomfort, so I forced myself to remain where I was.

After a moment, Bella seemed to regain her composure; then she glanced up at Esme, but before she could speak, my mother said, "Bella, I'm going to miss you. It's been such a pleasure having you around. Thank you." Esme smiled at Bella, but I knew she was sad.

"_I'm really going to miss her. She's brought such joy to our family, especially Edward. He seems like a changed man, so very different from when he first met her. I wonder what that could mean, what has changed him so in such a short time."_

I barred the remainder of my mother's thoughts. While it was true I had overcome my bloodlust, I was nothing more than Bella's protector during a dark time in her life. It was my job to keep her safe until she could once again be returned to her parents.

While I continued to berate myself over my preposterous thoughts, Bella ran over to Esme, threw her arms around Esme's waist and said, "Thank you, Esme, for taking such good care of me."

My mother quickly picked Bella up and gave her a big hug before carefully setting her down.

Bella next turned to Alice. Bella appeared deep in thought; whatever she was imagining caused her to cry again. Alice walked over to Bella, giving her a comforting hug and saying, "Bella, don't cry. It's going to be okay. You're going home to be with your family. Isn't that what you want?"

I held my breath. Why would Alice ask Bella if she wanted to go home? Of course she wanted to go home; she _had _to go home. Was there an alternative? She could not remain with us, Alice knew that. I tried to hear Alice but was unable as she was counting in multiples of seven.

I looked at Bella, trying to decipher her reaction when she quietly nodded at Alice as she wiped away her tears, drying her eyes. Before Bella was able to verbally respond, Alice said, "I'd love you to stay with me. We'd be great friends, but wouldn't you miss your mom and dad? I know they miss you very much."

Bella smiled at Alice through her tears and said, "Alice, thank you for everything. I'd love to live with you, but you're right. I know that my mom and dad are worried sick about me. I have to go home; it's the right thing to do to."

I felt such relief that Bella still wanted to return to her parents. I went to approach her once again when I heard Emmett call out loudly, "Bella, you better not leave before saying bye to me." I chuckled quietly to myself. Emmett was such a kid at heart.

"Bye, Emmett," Bella said softly. "Thanks for not letting me fall down and for making me laugh." She giggled before turning toward Jasper and Rosalie, smiling and waving. Then she looked to Carlisle. He was smiling at her, but he, too, was having a difficult time saying good-bye to this angel. It seems that somehow she had saved each member of my family in some fashion.

"_It's for the best. Perhaps one day –" _

Not Carlisle too, this task had become nearly impossible. What was the matter with my family? Bella had to go home. Period. We all agreed. There was no other option. She could not remain with us, so why did each mind seem to waver in their convictions? Once Bella was delivered safely to her family I would have to ask Carlisle about everything. Perhaps he could help me understand my confusion; was I even confused? No, I knew my limited role, my _very limited_ function, in her life. If I understood my purpose, what was causing my discordant introspections? How could one glorious child have affected each one of us? The entire situation was mind-boggling.

My thoughts returned to the present when I saw Bella run to Carlisle and he picked her up. "Thank you, Carlisle. You and Esme saved me in the airport and then you saved me again." The gratitude on her face was evident as she gave him a big hug.

"Take care of yourself, Bella," Carlisle replied as he put Bella back down, making sure she would not fall before letting her go.

It appeared all my family had said their farewells, except for me. As I approached her, I knelt down so that I was eye-level with her and asked, "Are you ready?"

Bella nodded. I held out my hands and opened my arms to pick her up as she wrapped her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist before placing her head on my shoulder. I placed one arm under her knees and the other over her spine. I could feel her breath on my neck as her chest rose and fell with every movement of her lungs. As I took in her scent, a smile came across my face. Instead of the monster beating at his cage inside of me, fighting to get out, whatever remained of my humanity allowed me to feel something I had never felt before, at least not since becoming a vampire. Contentment. I was not sure why I felt that way, but perhaps it was because I knew Bella would be integrated back into her family once again very soon. Whatever enabled me to feel that emotion, I wished it would last. Forever.

As I began to walk with Bella, leaving my family behind to get into their positions, I heard Alice, _"Take care of her, Edward. She's counting on you. We'll be close at hand should you need us."_

I was not surprised to hear from my sweet little sister, but Jasper's thoughts left me aghast.

"_I don't know what you're doing to Bella, but I haven't felt her so peaceful since we met. I doubt I'd even be able to keep her that calm. Whatever you're doing, keep it up."_

I was not sure I had done anything special to cause Bella to become so relaxed, but I was delighted she felt at ease around me. I did not want her to fear the creature that I was, although she did not know the truth; if she ever discovered my secret, I hoped she would recall the feelings of safety she had experienced in my presence.

I immediately questioned myself for having such thoughts. What scenario could possibly occur which would cause Bella to learn of my secret? It was not something she would be curious about nor was it a topic that typically arose during the course of a normal conversation. Besides, if she ever learned the truth about my family, she would not be allowed to remain human, it would be death or –

_NO!_ _Stop thinking that way._

Keeping my secret from Bella would have to be a priority, not only for my benefit, but for hers, as well. Especially for her. I promised myself that instant that Bella would _never_ be burdened with my family's secret lives.

Refocusing my mind on the task at hand, I wondered if Bella was too cold or if the speed at which I traveled had any untoward effect on her body. It seemed to me that I was barely moving, although I knew I was walking much faster than a human. It was vital that she was comfortable and anchored safely to my chest, so I moved my hand behind her neck to secure her head. The feeling of my hand against the bare skin of her neck sent a pulse of pleasant electricity through me, shocking me as I had never felt that way from a simple touch. It happened each time I touched her skin, and though I did not know what it meant, I could not help but relish in the feeling. It felt like she belonged in my arms. Like I was meant to protect her and guard her and keep her safe. Like I was meant to be in her life.

_She's a child, Edward_.

The voice reverberated through my being and I suddenly felt dirty for thinking in those terms. I promptly moved my hand a little lower, over her shirt and the blanket that covered her body. I wondered if she was questioning the temperature of my skin where my hands touched her. Even though I had brought the blanket with me to keep her warm and prevent the adverse climate from causing her too much distress, I wished that it was I who could shield her from the elements rather than hiding in the shadows like the vile being I was.

_One more reminder of what you cannot give to Bella._

I felt myself begin to spiral downward into a dark abyss as I berated myself for being a monster; however, my desire to protect Bella compelled me to cease those thoughts. Those feelings would not serve Bella well and it was crucial that I fulfill my assignment. It was also necessary for me to ensure that I was not clutching her too firmly, so I asked, "Bella, are you okay?"

"Yes," she said simply while keeping her face secure in the crook of my neck. Her hot breath warmed my icy skin.

No sooner had the words come out of her mouth than I realized that it was the first time she had spoken directly to me. Somehow hearing her address me gave me the strength to continue to focus on the mission at hand.

It was not long before I had made my way to the decrepit building which served as the fiend's house and recognized the room where Alice had envisioned Bella remaining until being rescued by the proper authorities. It was dark, cold and damp with a chair in the corner as well as an old, severely damaged bed which was devoid of linens. I did not want Bella to be in that appalling place. I wanted to take her away with me, I wanted to run with her, to personally return her to her family. I would deal with the consequences. I could not leave her to feel alone in such deplorable conditions. I refused to abandon her in the presence of such an ignominious creature.

It was then I heard Alice's voice. _"Edward, stop. You know we're on the right course. Our current plans are the ones which allow Bella to be returned home without consequence to us or Tanya. I've seen what will happen if you just drop her off at her parents' apartment building and it's not good. They will question Bella tirelessly until she breaks down and tells them about all of us. Of course they'll never believe her, they won't find anything, and no harm will come to us or the Denalis, but her relationship with her family will deteriorate and the damage to Bella's mental stability will be devastating. I know you don't want that to happen."_

Somehow I knew Alice was right. I could not take Bella home and permit her to suffer the repercussions of my actions all alone; yet, I refused to allow her to believe that I would forsake her, desert her, allow her to feel isolated while remaining in the same building as the diabolical savage who had harmed other children.

Bella must have realized we had entered the building because she lifted her head off my shoulder, looking around. I put Bella down, making sure she was standing squarely on her feet before letting go and wrapping the blanket tightly around her. I knew I had to hide, but the fearful expression that came over her face lacerated my silent heart.

"Please don't leave me," Bella pleaded. "I know your family's waiting, but I'm afraid. Please stay with me."

Her voice quivered with fear and she seemed to be having difficulty breathing. I had never seen her so disconsolate. My decision was made quickly, without further thought to the consequences. Alice be damned. I was not leaving this child, this wondrous creature, alone in this horrid room.

"I will not leave you," I said so quietly that I was not even sure she had heard me. I lifted her up and carried her across the room to the chair as I sat down, pulling her onto my lap. "I will stay with you until the authorities arrive. I cannot allow them to find me here with you, but I promise not to leave until the very last possible second. I will protect and keep you safe, Bella." Then I did something I could never have imagined. I kissed the top of her head.

What was I doing? Had I lost my mind? The kiss was innocent enough and was meant to comfort her as I was sure her father had done many times. I had committed myself to being her guardian and protector, but was I now her comforter, too? What had possessed me to graze her head with my lips in the first place? And why had those words come out of my mouth?

_You love her._

No! That was not possible. Not only was it impossible, it was ludicrous, inconceivable and one hundred percent wrong. Did I want to safeguard, shelter, and shield her safe from harm? Yes. Would I guard her from and protect her against any evil, human or otherwise? Absolutely. But was I to comfort, console and provide encouragement as well? I suppose; yes. Would I not do all those things for my family? Of course, but Bella was not my family. She was, however, fragile, breakable, delicate and alone.

I had to refocus, redirect my attention to the matters at hand. I had a responsibility to Bella and that not only meant keeping her safe, but in doing so, I needed to listen to the mind of the nefarious degenerate in the other room. I cringed as I allowed his detestable thoughts to enter my head.

It was not long before I heard Alice. _"Edward, Rosalie just called. The police are on their way. You probably have three minutes before they arrive. Please concentrate and be prepared to leave as soon as they enter the house. No, on second thought, you really should leave now. My vision keeps changing and I'm not sure why, but you need to get out of there. Now. Please."_

Alice had not sounded so distressed over something in quite some time so I was determined to heed her warning. "Bella," I said looking down at her precious face as she was still sitting on my lap. "The police will be here any second so I need to leave. I will not be far and if you need me, I will return immediately. Please do not worry; you are going to be fine and soon you will be home with your parents."

She looked sad, but tried to smile as she said, "Thank you, Edward, for staying with me and making me feel better."

As she hopped down off my lap, I was surprised when she gave me a hug. I quickly smiled at her before jumping out the broken window as the police began to surround the house. I climbed up a nearby tree so that I could keep watch, but I knew it would not be long before Bella would be, once again, reunited with her family. Why did I feel such a sense of loss?

Only mere seconds after my departure, the authorities invaded Wallace's abode as he watched TV, easily capturing him. He was utterly thunderstruck. As they searched the building, it took only moments before they found Bella in the back dark, damp room, huddled on the chair with my blanket around her. As they brought her out, she passed by the squad car where Wallace was being held, his mouth agape. I do not recall having ever seen anyone so perplexed. I watched as Bella's parents ran to her, nearly suffocating her with hugs and kisses, as she was taken into an awaiting ambulance. Once the doors were closed and the ambulance drove away, I felt an overwhelming desire to follow her to the hospital. I knew I needed to remain near my family to avoid detection, but the inexplicable urgency I felt to ensure her well-being was nearly as powerful as the monster's need had been for her blood.

"_Edward, don't leave. You must stay here," _Alice thought_. "I know you want to be near her, to protect her, but she's safe now with her family. I can see that everything is going to be fine. The police officer in charge will talk with her but she won't be able to tell them much. It won't take long before Charlie insists on taking her home. Renee is besides herself and for once in Bella's life, Renee isn't thinking about herself. She's putting Bella's needs first. Bella's grandparents came to Frankfurt early for her birthday which is now only a few days away. She's not going to be left alone any time soon. She'll be fine. Come meet us at the rendezvous point." _

Reluctantly I agreed and met my family where we had previously designed to go. No one said anything and I did my best to not hear their thoughts. We had been successful in our efforts to return Bella to her family. Now I needed to come to terms with the fact that Bella would no longer be in my life.

_Did you ever expect her to truly be a part of your life? You are not worthy of her._

Why did the tiny voice in the back of my mind mock me so? I needed to center my attention on something other than Bella and I knew exactly what that was.

Wallace was no longer loose on the streets of Frankfurt; however, I did not believe he would receive the proper punishment for his crimes. While I understood that he was now the humans' problem, I wanted him dead; he needed to suffer. Although he had not had the opportunity to harm Bella, I had heard his despicable thoughts and knew the evil in his soul, if he even had one. The torturous things he had done to other children made my skin crawl. It was the only time I was thankful that Tanya had taken Bella and that Alice had foreseen the plan which had allowed him to be captured. I could not permit myself to think of what he would have done if he had ever found Bella. If not for Alice, I could scarcely imagine how long he would have roamed the streets, freely, to attack time and time again.

_No._

I knew I had to stop reflecting on such things. He had been apprehended. The authorities would amass enough evidence from all the other abductions to prevent him from leaving prison. In addition, Bella had been found at his house; how could he not remain in prison for the remainder of his lifetime? The humans would be his judge and jury; they would decide his fate, not me. What I wanted was vengeance, not justice, for the thoughts he had, for the things he had done to innocent children. Yet the possibility that he could somehow one day be released from incarceration was incomprehensible to me and the only way to ensure that he would never harm anyone ever again would be to kill him myself. Had I not killed before? Was he not as deserving of death as the wretched demons I had previously dealt with in my earlier years?

"_Edward, stop!"_ I heard Alice call out to me. _"We've done all we were meant to do. We must allow those with the proper authority to handle this matter from hereon out."_

I knew Alice was right. I also knew that Bella, if she ever discovered that I had rid the world of her purported abductor, would never forgive me for harming a human, even a detestable one such as Wallace. I could not end his life even though he deserved it. I had to allow the justice system to take its course.

As I drove back to the hotel, I tried my hardest to settle myself as well as shield my mind from my parents' thoughts. I did not want to know what they were mulling over. I was fairly certain they thought I was acting like a fool. How could I be so affected by a child? It seemed over the course of two years I had gone from one extreme to the other. First, I could not be near her without contemplating killing her; now it seemed I could not live without her. What was happening to me?

Upon arriving at the hotel, I entered the suite where Bella had stayed. Her scent permeated the room. As I took a deep breath in order to steady myself, I must have let my guard down as I heard Carlisle in the other room.

"_He seems so different around her now; she seems to have had quite the effect on him, seems to have brought out his compassionate side and given him so much control over his nature. I'm impressed."_

I did not want to hear anymore. I knew Bella had somehow changed me, but I was not sure how and why. She was gone and no longer needed my protection. My job was done. We would be returning to Chicago and then relocating to Astoria. I did not know where she would go, but I was sure I would never see her again; the thought alone caused a measure of pain in my chest that nearly brought me to my knees.

I was so consumed by my anguish that I did not realize anyone had entered the room until an overwhelming sense of calm came over me.

_Jasper._

Thoughts of Bella continued to swirl around my head as did her scent. I needed to get out of the room, I needed fresh air, but I could barely move my legs. I did not understand why this was happening, or even what _this_ was.

"_Edward, let us help you,"_ Alice thought as I felt someone lift me off the floor. I looked over and saw Jasper. He did not let go of my arms until I had regained control over my limbs.

"_It's going to be okay,"_ Alice continued as she took my hand in hers, smiling at me as she led me out of the room, Jasper following close behind. Alice did not let go of me until we were standing outside the hotel.

"_Go for a walk, Edward. Jasper will go with you; he may be able to help."_

"Thanks, Alice," I said, attempting a grin, before looking at Jasper. "Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked him. He, better than anyone, knew how unstable my moods could be; I did not want to overload my brother while he was attempting to help me, especially when we were still in such a large city full of humans.

"_Yeah, let's go,"_ Jasper thought, laughing quietly to himself.

"What's so funny?" I asked him. I did not find any humor in my situation.

"_For once, I actually knew what you were thinking. Thanks for your concern, but I'm fine. Not even a __hint of loss of self-control. I'm here for you, Edward."_

I nodded as we walked in silence. I really did not know where to begin.

"_Stop castigating yourself, Edward. Your feelings for Bella were never anything other than honorable, well... once you got over your _bloodlust_, that is."_ Jasper was laughing. He could be almost as bad as Emmett sometimes, so I jabbed him in the ribs with my elbow; that made me laugh.

"_Hey, what'd you do that for? I'm trying to help you here."_

I looked at him with a guilty smile, "Sorry," I said, still snickering to myself.

"_Are you going to listen to me? If not, we can go back. Alice has plans to sic Emmett on you if I'm not able to help."_

I groaned. "Okay, go ahead." There was no way I could handle Emmett in my current state.

"_So you felt overly protective of her, what's wrong with that? You felt compassion for a child who'd been abducted. Does that make you evil? No, of course not. The situation with Bella has just been one more time in your life when you've over-thought things."_

Was that all it was? Was it the bloodlust and the conundrum that was her mind which led me to believe there was something more to my feelings for Bella than the purely innocent reasons Jasper had just outlined? Was it really that easy to explain?

"You really never felt anything inappropriate? I could not live with myself if I had ever done anything to harm her."

"Edward," Jasper glared at me.

"Okay, okay. I got it. Stop over-thinking." Neither one of us could stop laughing as we made our way back to the hotel where, of course, Alice was waiting for us, smiling.

"_I know you still want to go to the hospital, Edward. I've checked and I think it's okay. They decided to keep Bella overnight for observation so you should be able to check in on her without being detected since she's no longer in the ER."_ Alice almost seemed relieved to share her vision with me.

"Thanks, Alice. You're the best. I really need to do this." I reached over and gave her a hug. My sister was always looking out for me.

"_Do you want company?"_ Jasper asked as he glanced at me with a curious expression on his face.

He had already been a great help to me, but I really needed to do this myself. "No, but thanks. I'll be okay; I won't get caught."

"_That's not what I was worried about. Do you feel alright?"_ Now I understood why Jasper was concerned.

"You've already helped to alleviate much of my apprehension. I feel a duty to see her one last time and confirm for myself that she's fine. Don't worry, I am not going to experience a breakdown in her room and if I was, Alice would see it and give me a call. If that happens, I'll leave immediately."

"_We'll let Carlisle know where you've gone so he doesn't worry. I'll reassure him that I saw everything would be fine. Don't do anything to make a liar out of me,"_ Alice laughed.

"I'll be back soon," I said, running to the hospital.

It did not take long before I arrived at the emergency room and made my way into the hospital as I heard several people reflecting on Bella.

"_I'm so glad they finally arrested that horrible man. Apparently he had kidnapped that girl. Luckily she didn't seem harmed. At least she's safe now."_

"_Thank goodness her mother's staying with her. It's so sad when children have to stay here all alone."_

It was the second person who had just come back from the floor Bella was on and knew what room she was in. The night shifts were not typically as staffed as the day shift, so it was easier to make my way to Bella's room without being observed. According to the orderly's thoughts, Renee was staying with Bella so I would have to avoid her, but perhaps she would be sleeping as well.

I made my way down the hall and up to the children's floor. I listened carefully but it seemed everyone except the nurses was sleeping. The nurses were sitting quietly at their station watching monitors and going through charts. As I came to Bella's room I realized it was just around the corner from the stairwell which would come in handy should I need a fast escape route. I listened for Bella's mother but did not hear her, so I peered into Bella's room. There she was, sound asleep; she appeared to be unharmed and was resting comfortably. I listened to her breathing which seemed to have a hypnotic effect on me. I was about to move a piece of hair away from her cheek when I felt my phone vibrate. It was a text message from Alice.

A: No touching.

I sighed and shook my head. Why had I felt the need to touch her? Maybe I was a demented stalker after all. It was crazy for me to have come here. Was I becoming mad, deranged, unbalanced? I should have taken Jasper up on his offer to accompany me. No, I should not have come at all; that was when I felt my phone again.

A: Stop. Breathe. Relax.

Alice was, of course, right. I needed to calm down. My purpose in going to the hospital was to ensure Bella's safety and I had done that; therefore, I needed to return to my family. Just then I heard Bella mumble. I froze. Was she awake? No, she was talking in her sleep. I listened very carefully; then I heard her call out, "Alice?"

What was she dreaming about? She did not appear to be distressed so I did not believe she was having a nightmare and when she did not say anything else I decided to take my leave. Then Bella spoke again so clearly, I was certain she had awakened, "Edward, don't leave."

Her words stunned me, froze me in place, and I was unable to move. When she was quiet again, I looked back at her angelic face and confirmed she was still sleeping. Could Bella be dreaming of me? No, that would be ludicrous and yet, I was fairly certain it was true. What did that mean? Nothing, nothing at all, I told myself. She had called out Alice's name, too, so perhaps she was only reliving the day she had experienced. That would be a plausible explanation.

_She called out your name, not Esme, not Carlisle, not Emmett – yours._

That was when it happened; a wave of emotions slammed into me with such force that I was unable to hold back the torrent of feelings that flowed over me like water bursting through a dam. I felt as if I were drowning. I leaned back against the wall, trying to rationally comprehend, understand, what had occurred, but everything was so overwhelming I could barely stand up.

_You are sick, depraved. You are no better than the human demons you murdered. You are preying on an innocent._

NO! That could not be true. I felt an overpowering pain begin to over take me as I felt my knees buckling again. Had Alice seen this coming? Would she call me? Had she already sent Jasper? Wait, what had Jasper said to me earlier? Had he not told me that my feelings for Bella were honorable, pure and kind? Was that possible? Could it honestly be true? I had fought for so long against and had refused to fully accept what I was that perhaps the struggle had become a part of me. But was it really me? No, it was not and that was when it finally dawned on me; the degrading, debilitating voice in my head was and always had been the monster attempting to subdue me, to force me to forget who I truly was capable of being. It wanted to dominate me and I would no longer allow it. Carlisle had told me time and time again than I was better, stronger than I thought I was. Could it be true? Perhaps it was time to finally listen, to believe.

I needed to accept, not fear, the changes which had taken place in me. I needed to recognize that I would never, ever, harm Bella in any way. I had never been anything but a gentleman, so what would cause me believe that I would behave in any way other than admirably toward Bella. It was impossible; I knew that now with an absolute certainty. I had been so fearful of hurting Bella, of behaving inappropriately, I had prevented myself from seeing the truth, but Jasper had helped. It was my own self-doubt, my self-loathing which made me question my role in Bella's life, but now I knew what I had to do and who I had become.

Ever since encountering Bella the second time, I knew, deep down, that she had some how changed me. What I had refused to acknowledge was the depth of that change. I had always known that upon becoming a vampire, my body had been frozen in its current stage of development; I would forever be stuck in the body of a seventeen year old boy. However, my body was not the only part of me frozen in time, my self, who I was, what I liked and disliked, my moods, my personality, all those things that made me who I was, were carried forth as well, never to change, but to remain the same; it was that way for every one of us.

Yet, I had seen changes before, although rare. First with Carlisle and then with Rosalie and once it had occurred, it was permanent. I shuddered at the thought because I knew what had changed them and it was love. A love that was eternal and would never fade. I had seen how Carlisle looked at Esme and he gazed at her with the same loving expressions now as he did the very first time he had laid eyes on her so many years ago, and it would always be that way.

It would be that way for me, too. I would always love the delicate child in front of me for the remainder of my endless existence, yet I knew intuitively that it was _not_ the same love that existed between Carlisle and Esme, between Rosalie and Emmett, between Jasper and Alice. It was the love of a guardian, a defender, a champion. I would be all those things to her and when the day came that she grew up and found the love of her life, I would continue to watch from afar, forever, until the end of her days, how ever long that would be.

I now knew for a certainty that I would never share my life with a woman as did Carlisle, Jasper and Emmett. I would never have a mate, a lover, a wife. Somehow I had always known that to be true. I would be alone and yet, now, I would not be lonely. I would be there for Bella, in the background, always watching, and waiting to protect her at a moment's notice. Some how I would always be there for her and _I_ would never be the same again.

I was finally brought out of my reverie when I heard Bella stir. I knew I needed to go, I _had _to go. I could not be there when she woke up. She could never know that I would be guarding her, always there to defend her against harm, but I was unable to leave. I could not pull myself away from her. I felt so conflicted.

A: Go. Now.

I had promised Alice I would leave when she told me to so I obeyed my sister and headed toward the door just as Bella rolled over.

After I had returned from the hospital and regained my composure, I began packing. Everyone else had already finished. Once everything was ready, we decided on a date to return to Chicago. Carlisle still had about a month before he would be required to report to Columbia Memorial Hospital, and we would all be attending college at the University of Portland. I was glad we would not have to go back to high school, although I was sure we would be forced to endure it the next time we moved, but at least that was a good five years from now.

Esme had found a lovely home on over three acres of property. The house was perfect and was surrounded by a forest. Esme told us that the Realtor had advised her that it was not unusual to find deer as well as rabbits in the yard, feeding on the plants in the garden. She had suggested that Esme purchase wire fencing to put around the plants and shrubs to keep the pesky creatures out. We had all gotten a good laugh out of that story. I doubted the deer or the rabbits would continue that habit once we moved in. Esme's garden would be stunning and there would be no need for wire fences around her shrubbery.

Of course, we each had our own room and there was a library for Carlisle to use as his study. Although there were enough bedrooms for all of us, Esme agreed to redecorate the basement for me. There was never any privacy in our home no matter how large it was, yet I still appreciated the fact that if I was in the basement while my amorous siblings were on the second floor, there would be at least one level between us. It gave me some small degree of comfort.

Esme would have a lot of fun renovating and redecorating. The balcony surrounded the entire second floor and there was a small garage which we would expand as we always did so as to accommodate all our vehicles. Our new home was only about fifteen miles away from the hospital although it was about eighty miles away from the University; that was no concern since we enjoyed driving fast and we were only attending classes a few days a week.

I already had several degrees in medicine so I decided that I would go back to music. The university offered both a Bachelor of Arts in music as well as Master of Arts program. It was something I loved and that calmed me. Perhaps with the new-found feelings of contentment I had because of Bella, I would once again find joy in composing music, something I had not done for quite some time. I had not realized how melancholy I had been for the last decade or so, but now I felt renewed.

It was still difficult to think about Bella, but the reasons now were so very different. While her blood no longer called to me, I had begun to experience a nearly irrational longing to be near her. Not being in Bella's presence seemed to cause an overwhelming compulsion in me to find her and ensure her safety and well-being.

Alice had been very helpful in that regard and she promised to continue to do so as she looked for Bella's future for any signs of danger. Thus far, there had been none even though I continued to struggle with her absence and had been unable to stay away. I had seen her out with her parents, at school and at home as she slept. I had not heard Bella talking in her sleep since the day in the hospital but it did not matter. Even if she forgot about me, which, if I were honest with myself, was precisely what I hoped would happen, I would continue to watch over her.

With my family's assistance, I had been able to determine that Bella's father would remain in Germany until after Bella's tenth birthday at which time they would return to Phoenix for a short time before Charlie would be assigned to a unit in Fort Huachuca, Arizona. We would be moving to Astoria long before then and it pained me to know there would be such distance between us, but Alice had agreed to be vigilant in her watch and I had decided to return to Frankfurt periodically just to see for myself that Bella was doing well.

I had gotten the feeling on several occasions that Alice knew something that she was not sharing with me; however, I had decided it was not the time to concern myself with Alice and her secrets. I knew she would divulge the information to me in her own time; I had learned to trust her to help me protect Bella. Besides, there was a part of me that almost did not want to know what my future held. I was certain Alice had already seen everything, but she was giving me time, and protecting me from myself.

**AN: In case anyone is wondering, Alonso Wallace is not American. He is of German descent. The name 'Alonso' (or Alonzo) is actually of Germanic origin (according to several baby name websites I found) and 'Wallace' is derived from the Scottish 'Wallis' which came from the Old French "le waleis," meaning foreigner or stranger. The surname 'Wallace' has its origins from the Scottish, English or Welsh (got this info from a genealogy website). **

**I'd love to know what you think, so please review and let me know. Thanks!**


	6. Chapter 6 Happiness and Heartache

**DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer owns the entire Twilight Series, Edward, Bella and the other characters that we've grown to know and love. Any new or unfamiliar characters in the story are figments of my imagination. No copyright infringement is intended – I'm just having fun!**

**AN: Bella is a little OOC in this chapter, but I've always had a hard time believing she didn't have any close friends growing up and that she was not interested in boys at all, ever. I hope you'll indulge me a little and stick with me because what happens will explain better, at least to me, why Bella doesn't develop close friendships during her teenage years as well as explain why she doesn't date and why she is the way she is by the time she meets Edward again. I hope you'll have faith in me and the story . . . I think it will become clearer by the end of the chapter. Thanks!**

**I can't post a chapter without thanking my Beta, TwilightMomofTwo. She's great and I shudder to think what this story would be like without her help. My hat's off to her. Make sure you check out her stories!**

**Chapter 6 – Happiness and Heartache**

**BPOV**

My trip to Germany three years ago seemed to take much longer than my journey home; maybe because when I flew to Frankfurt I'd slept most of the way, been alone with Renee and she'd been angry with Charlie. It hadn't exactly been a fun time. On the flight back to Phoenix, however, I was wide awake, Charlie was with us and I was happy, for the most part.

When my dad originally received his transfer orders, he told us we'd be leaving right after Thanksgiving, but somewhere along the line, his paperwork was misplaced so we didn't move until the first of January. Renee had gotten angry when she found out we wouldn't be spending Christmas in Phoenix with my grandparents, but eventually she settled down. Sometimes my mother was more like a child than I was.

The night before we left was New Year's Eve and my parents were attending a goodbye party which was being held in their honor by Charlie's unit. At first Renee didn't want to go; she was afraid to leave me alone, or with some teenage baby-sitter, but as it turned out, the one, the _only_ real friend I'd made while in Frankfurt was Betty whose father was one of the men in my dad's unit. Her parents were divorced and Betty would be with her mom that night so I was invited to stay with them while my parents went to the party.

The next morning Charlie and Renee were tired so while they slept on the plane, I watched a movie. 'Air Bud' was about a twelve year old boy named Josh who liked basketball, moved to Washington State after his dad died, and found a dog named Buddy. There was a lot more to the movie, but I liked it because Josh was shy and had a tough time making friends, just like me. I also understood how he felt about moving; it wasn't any fun.

I realized before the movie ended, how tired I was. I tried to stay awake, but soon fell asleep. When I woke up, Renee and Charlie were awake as well.

"Sleep okay?" Charlie asked as he took a drink of his beer.

"Yeah, I guess," I said as I tried to stretch while in the confines of my seat.

"The flight attendant came around while you were napping," Renee said. "I got you something to drink. Are you thirsty?" I nodded as Renee reached down in the pocket in front of her and pulled out a bottle of lemonade.

"Thanks, mom," I replied with a smile. I hadn't realized just how thirsty I was until she handed me the bottle, so I opened it and drank the entire thing in only a few gulps.

Eventually we arrived in Phoenix.

"Bella!"

I'd recognize my grandmother's voice anywhere. I looked around to find her and spotted both my grandparents standing on the other side of the security line, waving to us. I took off running, but just as I reached them, I tripped on a bump in the carpet. Luckily, my grandfather caught me before I fell flat on my face.

"I see some things never change," he said, laughing loudly.

"No, they don't," my mother replied, chuckling as she reached over and gave her parents hugs.

"It's good to see you again, Charlie," my grandfather said as he shook hands with my dad.

"Likewise, sir," my dad replied.

After getting our luggage, we drove to my grandparents' house, where we'd stay for a few weeks. After that, we'd move to Sierra Vista, the city near Fort Huachuca, where Charlie would be stationed for the next few years. Our house in Sierra Vista was nothing special, but at least it wasn't an apartment like the one we had in Frankfurt. The best part was it had a big backyard.

Charlie had taken care of all the necessary paperwork and registered me for school before we moved; I'd be starting the second half of the school year at a new school. On my first day, the teacher, Ms. Jones, made me stand up in front of the class and introduce myself. Then, as if I wasn't embarrassed enough, she had each kid tell me their names before letting me sit down. So much for going unnoticed.

One day, during recess, a girl from my class, whose name was Carolyn, came up to me.

"Hi," she said, smiling at me.

"Hi, to you," I said. Carolyn was taller than me, with dark brown, almost black hair.

"I think we live around the corner from each other," she said, looking at the empty seat next to me on the bench. "Maybe we can see each other some time after school."

"That would be nice," I said, returning her smile. "Wanna sit down?

"Sure," she replied.

After that, we were inseparable. I'd never been happier and was amazed how fast time passed. It was hard to believe I'd been in Arizona nearly three years, I was thirteen and in seventh grade.

Over the past several years, I'd learned many things about Carolyn including the fact that our families were very similar – Carolyn's mom stayed home during the day, just like Renee and her dad had been in the Army like Charlie. Unlike me, though, Carolyn had three older brothers. The oldest, Richard, was married. The middle son, Donald, was in college at Arizona State and the youngest son, Christopher, was a year older than Carolyn; they were very close. I'd seen Chris around; he was nice, but nothing special. However, that would soon change.

It was the day after Thanksgiving and Carolyn and I were hanging out, painting our toenails, when Chris poked his head into Carolyn's room.

"What stinks?" he asked, wrinkling up his nose.

"Nail polish," I replied, smiling.

"Whoa, that smells worse than my gym bag," Chris said, laughing.

"I doubt that," I said, jumping up to shove the open bottle of polish in his face as he ran from the room.

Carolyn and I were laughing so hard that we didn't realize Chris had returned to her room, tossing his smelly gym bag at us. I jumped, spilling some of the polish on my jeans.

"Ugh, now look at what you've done. These were my favorite jeans." What did he have to do that for?

"Bella," Carolyn said, trying to diffuse the situation. "You need new jeans anyway, those are _really_ old."

"Sorry," Chris said, walking over and handing me a bunch of wet paper towels.

"Don't worry about it," I sighed. I didn't want him to feel too bad; they _were_ the oldest pair of jeans I owned.

He smiled at me, but I barely noticed; for some reason, all I saw were his deep green eyes. They sparkled like emeralds. Why hadn't I noticed them before? And his smile, wow, it suddenly melted my heart. What was the matter with me? Why was I looking at my best friend's brother that way? I was ridiculous; I'd just turned thirteen and he'd be fifteen in several months. How could I possibly tell Carolyn I liked her brother? I wouldn't, because it didn't matter; he wouldn't like me anyway so she didn't need to know.

Over the course of the next few weeks, I was sure she'd noticed me staring at him, but if she did, she never said a word. Chris had started spending more time with us. Eventually I couldn't keep my feelings to myself any longer so I told Carolyn how I felt.

"I've known since he made you spill the polish," she said, grinning widely. "I was wondering how long it would take you to tell me. I was giving you until Christmas before I asked you about it myself."

Carolyn took a deep breath before continuing. "He likes you, too, you know," she said quietly.

I almost choked. How could she know that? Did he tell her?

"Are you okay?" Carolyn asked, giving me a strange look.

"Yeah, I'm fine – why would you say that?"

"He told me," she smiled slyly. "I wasn't supposed to tell you, but you're my best friend. He's just my brother." Carolyn couldn't keep back her laugh.

"If you two start going together and then break up, will we still be friends?" Carolyn asked, looking worried.

"I wouldn't stop being your friend over a boy, not even your brother," I told her in no uncertain terms. "I've never had a friend like you before who had a cute brother –"

Suddenly the wall I'd built up to keep the Cullens out of my head came crashing down. Up until that moment I'd done a really good job forgetting. I hadn't dreamt about _him_ in months, but now it felt as if he'd left only yesterday.

I grabbed my chest and nearly fell on my face. I bent over, putting my hands on my knees to steady myself. I'd remembered hearing my mother say that time heals all wounds, and maybe that was true, unless your stupid brain recalled what caused the pain to begin with.

Carolyn grabbed my arms; she was probably afraid I'd fall. "Are you okay?" she asked. I looked up at her and nodded, but I could see she was worried.

"Yeah, just give me a minute," I replied. I just needed to catch my breath so I stayed bent over until I thought I wouldn't fall. When I stood up, I started feeling dizzy again, but Carolyn put her arms around me as we walked over to the steps in her backyard where we sat down.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked curiously.

"No, not really. Maybe later, okay?" I really needed to forget again but how long would it take for the emptiness to subside?

"Sure, no problem, whatever you need," Carolyn said.

After that day Carolyn was always watching me. I think she was afraid I'd have another attack, but even though I cried myself to sleep every night, I was okay during the day. The pain began to go away a little faster than before; maybe it was because of Carolyn . . . and Chris.

Soon it was Christmas vacation and I was at Carolyn's house helping her decorate. We were listening to Christmas music when I heard Chris call me from the other room.

"Bella, come see this."

I looked at Carolyn and she shrugged as I walked toward the sound of his voice. "What am I supposed to be looking at?" I asked.

Suddenly Chris smiled shyly, looking up. In the entrance way between the living room and kitchen was a sprig of mistletoe; I blushed a hundred shades of red.

"You know what they say about standing under mistletoe," Chris said, looking a little nervous.

I couldn't answer. I didn't know what to say so I started twisting a strand of hair around my finger. Suddenly I felt Chris kiss my cheek before running out the door saying, "Gotta go. See you later, Bella."

Everything seemed to change after that; whatever Carolyn and I did, Chris seemed to join us, no matter what it was. I thought Carolyn would mind, but she didn't. I didn't mind, either. Not in the least.

Chris made me feel very special, always showing me how much he cared, whether he was holding my hand, putting his arm around my waist or gently kissing me on the cheek. I was falling for him, fast.

One day we were at the mall, eating in the food court when I found myself staring at Chris; his eyes seemed to glow the brightest shade of green. I couldn't keep the smile off my face, either. Chris caught me watching him and I blushed, but to my surprise, instead of him just looking away, Chris leaned over and kissed my forehead. Carolyn smiled and started giggling as she whispered quietly, "Boy, you have it bad for my brother, girlfriend." I just looked at her and nodded my head, smiling.

I've heard it said that time flies when you're having fun, and it's true. It seemed Christmas had just ended and it was already nearing the end of the school year. Being around Carolyn and Chris seemed so natural, like they were a part of my family. Even our parents had become close friends. One night we'd all gone out to dinner together. Carolyn, Chris and I were busy making plans for the summer when I heard Carolyn's dad.

"Hey, we have something to tell you guys."

We stopped talking and turned to face our parents. Then Charlie spoke.

"You may have to change some of your summer plans," he said.

"Why?" I moaned.

That's when our moms said together, "Because we're all going to Disneyland!"

I nearly fell out of my chair. Carolyn grabbed me and we both started jumping up and down while Chris watched us, grinning. They'd planned the trip for the Fourth of July weekend and it turned out to be the best vacation ever.

While we watched the fireworks, I stood between my best friend and my boyfriend. That sounded strange; it was still hard to believe that Chris, as good-looking as he was, chose me. He stood there with one arm around my waist before leaning over, his lips near my ear.

"I really like you, Bella," he whispered. "You're not like any other girl I know. You're my best friend." I didn't recognize the look in his eyes; it was overwhelming. I felt like there were a million butterflies fluttering around in my stomach. Then he took my face in his hands, never taking his eyes off of mine, and gently kissed me on my lips.

I was stunned, unsure what to do, say, think. I managed a smile and whispered, "You're my best _boy_ friend," I was laughing nervously. "I already have a girl friend." It was the dumbest thing I ever said, but he didn't seem to mind.

"Yes, I am," Chris said smiling and nodding. My heart wanted to jump out of my chest; I'd never been happier.

When we got back from vacation, we spent a few days relaxing, but it didn't take long before we got bored so we decided to go to the movies. As usual, I sat between Carolyn and Chris but something was different. As the lights went out, I felt Chris's arm move to the armrest between us. I'd been resting my elbow there so I moved it. Chris looked over at me and I recognized the look in his eyes; I'd seen it before during the fireworks at Disneyland. This time, however, he didn't lean over and try to kiss me but rather carefully picked up my hand and brought it to his lips. Then, he put his other arm around the back of my chair, resting his hand on my shoulder. I saw Carolyn's face; she was grinning from ear to ear.

A few days later we decided to go to the park. Carolyn and I wanted to walk, but Chris chose to ride his bike; his friends were planning on meeting him there later. By the time Carolyn and I arrived, Chris had spread out a blanket for us. Carolyn spotted some girls from school so she left to go talk with them. I knew she was just giving Chris and me some privacy, well, I suppose, as much as you can get in a park.

I decided to lie down on my stomach as I rested my elbows on the blanket with my chin in my hands. Chris leaned back against his elbows, his long legs stretched out in front of him. We just talked about everything and nothing when suddenly he changed positions. Instead of leaning back, he was sitting next to and sort of behind me, running his fingers through my hair before trailing them down the back of my head and neck. His fingers continued down my spine before stopping as they reached the exposed area between my shirt and the waistband of my jeans. I felt electricity pulsing through my body where his fingers grazed my skin. I didn't know what to make of his actions, and although I was aware of the overwhelming sensations coursing through me, I was in no way prepared for how I felt.

I quickly sat up, staring at him. My breathing was ragged as my heart pounded in my chest. I reached for a water bottle, got up and ran. I needed to put some distance between us.

"Bella," Chris called. "I'm sorry, please come back." His voice sounded full of regret.

Was he sorry for what he'd done? He was already fifteen, but my fourteenth birthday was still about two months away and I wasn't comfortable with what had just occurred. I also wasn't ready to deal with what had happened so I looked at him and shook my head no as I walked toward Carolyn.

Before I reached her, I felt a hand on my arm, jerking me around.

"Chris, let go," I shouted, stunned at his behavior.

"Bella, we've got to talk. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. Please, come back and sit down."

He let go of my arm as he took my hands in his, pulling me towards him.

I pulled away again. "Stop. I'm going home."

Carolyn was suddenly by my side, looking angrily at her brother. "Chris, go pack up the stuff. I'll be over in a minute to get what I can. Leave Bella alone."

As Chris sighed, he turned and walked away. I felt my heart break. I knew he was sorry, but his behavior was unsettling and I just wanted to be alone. As Carolyn came back with our things, I asked, "Is he okay?"

"Yeah, he'll be fine. What happened?"

When I explained everything to Carolyn, I could sense she was surprised by her brother's actions. We had almost reached home when we heard Chris behind us.

"Come on, you guys. Don't be like that. Let's go back to the house and forget about it."

Chris wasn't paying attention as he rode past us; he never saw the car coming. Carolyn and I didn't see the car, either, until it struck Chris's bike and tossed him to the side of the road like a piece of garbage. Then it was sheer chaos. Tires squealed, people screamed and before we knew what had happened, both our moms were there as Chris was rushed to the hospital. I hadn't been that close to an ambulance since the day the Cullens returned me to my parents about five years ago. Then everything went dark.

I woke up in the emergency room and saw Carolyn peering around the corner.

"Where's Chris?" I whispered.

Carolyn pointed to the other side of the curtain; I nearly fell over as I jumped down from my stretcher to see him, but Carolyn grabbed my arm.

"No," I almost shouted. "No, I have to go to him. What happened, it's all my fault."

"No, he wasn't watching where he was going," Carolyn said, sighing deeply.

"That's because he was watching us, me. He's going to be okay, right?" I asked.

"We hope so," Carolyn said quietly. What was she hiding from me? I grabbed my best friend's shoulders and started shaking her as I yelled, "Tell. Me. What's. Wrong!"

Before I knew it, a multitude of people descended on me, Renee, Charlie, doctors, nurses. They were all talking to me at once, telling me to calm down, pushing me back toward the bed, trying to keep me away from Chris. I jerked my arms and legs away, refusing to be restrained; I wasn't going to settle down until I knew the truth. Finally I was able to worm my body away from everyone and I ran into my father's arms. Although he didn't usually handle emotional situations well, that day Charlie just held me while I cried which was exactly what I needed.

Renee walked over to where I was standing with my father and she gently touched my cheek. "Bella, honey, it will be okay," she said reassuringly.

I knew my mother was trying to comfort me, but what if she was wrong? What if things never got better? I was sobbing so hard I could barely breathe.

"Come on, Bells," my father said. That's when I felt Charlie walk me over to a chair as he sat down before pulling me onto his lap.

Suddenly my mind found its way back to Edward as my chest was ripped open once again. I wrapped my arms around my chest, trying to keep myself in one piece. I'd already lost Edward, would I lose Chris, too? Those thoughts were too much for me to handle and I found myself gasping for air.

"Daddy, promise me Chris is going to get better, please."

My dad looked deeply into my eyes. I saw his answer without him saying a word as I recalled the moment the car slammed into Chris, sending a whole new wave of sobs convulsing through my body.

At that moment I heard Carolyn cry; what were they hiding? "Tell me," I demanded, staring at her dad and mine. Charlie looked at Carolyn's father before answering me, "He doesn't remember anyone, Bells," he whispered.

"What does that mean?" I could hardly get my words out.

"It means," my father said, "that he may never remember you."

I didn't know what to say. I wanted to run, but Charlie pulled me back down into his lap. I sat there for what seemed like forever before Renee walked over to us and said that I was being discharged. I was allowed to go home, but I didn't want to leave until I saw Chris. I shook my head no, my lips quivering, when Carolyn's dad asked, "Carolyn, would you like to go home with Bella? We might be here for a while."

She looked at me, I looked at her and we both looked at our dads; they nodded. We were about to leave when I stopped. I had to see Chris, tell him I was sorry; it didn't matter if he remembered me or not. Although I hadn't heard a sound from him, I was sure he'd heard all the commotion on my side of the curtain. Carolyn recognized my reluctance to leave. "Dad, can she please just say good-bye to him before we go?"

Her father nodded his head slowly, but I wasn't prepared for what I saw. Even though they'd told me about the cuts, bruises, broken rib and banged-up head, I couldn't believe that the boy I liked was the same one sitting in the hospital bed in front of me. His eyes were open and he was staring at me intently as I held my breath, waiting for him to ask me who I was, realizing I wasn't sure what I'd say. Then I heard him call out in a small voice, "Bella, is that you?"

I thought my heart was going to fly out of my chest; it took all the restraint I had not to jump up on his bed. I started crying and he looked confused. Then he turned toward my best friend, his sister and asked, "Carolyn?"

We were both crying, smiling and hugging each other as I heard him say, "I guess I finally did something right today."

The doctors decided to keep Chris overnight for more tests so we didn't leave until he'd been assigned a room. It was pretty late when we left, but I wasn't feeling tired. I really needed to talk with him, but I'd have to wait; I couldn't believe what had happened and how I was responsible for his injuries.

When I finally fell asleep, I tossed and turned; I kept dreaming about Chris and the accident. In my dream he blamed me for what happened. At some point I woke up sobbing, sitting up really quickly although I didn't remember actually doing it. The moonlight was shining through my curtain and for a moment I was sure I'd seen something reddish-brown flutter in the breeze – was it hair? It was just a flash, and though I looked harder, I couldn't see anything. It looked almost like – no, that was silly. All the stress must've caused me to hallucinate. Finally I fell back to sleep.

As soon as I woke up, I was ready for Chris to come home. Carolyn and I waited and waited, but were disappointed when we found out that Chris wouldn't be coming home until after dinner. It turned out to be the longest day of my life, but as soon as we heard the phone ring, we immediately went to Carolyn's house.

As soon as I saw him, I ran over to him, gently squeezing his hand. "I was so scared that I'd lost you," I said, tears streaming down my cheeks.

Chris carefully let go of my hand and wiped away my tears. "I'm not going anywhere," he said, "but are you sure you wouldn't prefer to forget about me?"

'No! Don't say that; it will never happen." I knew why he'd asked the question, but I didn't want to think about it. It only reminded me of why the accident had happened in the first place.

Pretty soon the school year started; I was fourteen and in eighth grade while Chris had started high school. It was basketball season again and I was excited to watch Chris play on his high school team. Although he was only a freshman, that didn't stop the coach from starting Chris. He was amazing; my life was great. I should've known it was too good to be true. I should've been prepared for what happened next. I should not have forgotten how it felt when Edward went away because maybe it would've helped me handle what happened next. Maybe.

It was almost Christmas break and this particular day was special because it was the last basketball game of the regular season. Carolyn and I were going to the game along with our parents and most of the school because if Chris's team won, they'd be playing in the championship game the following week.

Chris's team was winning; there didn't seem to be any way they could lose. The players on the other team weren't happy about losing. That's when it happened. Chris was about to make another shot when one of the kids from the opposing team purposefully ran into him, knocking him down to the floor, head first. Carolyn and I jumped up, screaming. Chris didn't move. I tried to run down the bleachers, but Carolyn was holding me back as was Renee. I wanted to go to him and I struggled unsuccessfully to free myself from my best friend and my mother.

An ambulance was called and by the time it arrived, Chris was awake although they wouldn't let him move. I knew they were afraid that he hurt his neck or head. Fortunately, Chris's injuries were nothing like the last time he'd been at the hospital so after a few tests, he was allowed to go home.

The next day, Saturday, I went to his house fairly early. He seemed fine although he'd complain about his head hurting every once in a while. We spent the day watching movies, but all three of us eventually dozed off. That night we were all going to dinner together but as we were about to leave, we noticed that Chris didn't look good so his parents took him back to the hospital.

Renee and Charlie decided to take Carolyn and me out for dinner anyway, and we had just finished eating when Charlie's phone rang.

"Hello?" was all he said before I saw all the color drain from my father's face. He looked as white as a ghost. That's when I heard the phone fall onto the table with a thud. Renee picked it up quickly and asked, "What happened?"

My mother didn't say a word as she handed the phone back to Charlie

Carolyn and I looked at each other, then back at my parents.

"What?" I asked, my voice cracking, but neither of my parents said a word. They just got up from the table and walked out of the restaurant; we drove to Carolyn's house in complete silence. No sooner had we pulled into the driveway, I saw that Carolyn's parents were there waiting and they were both crying. Her mother became hysterical, as she latched onto her daughter, pulling Carolyn to her chest before they quickly went into the house.

As soon as Carolyn was out of the car, I shouted at my parents. "Tell me what's happened. What are you keeping from me?" As I looked from Charlie to Renee, I had a sinking feeling that something really bad had happened. Renee spoke so softly to Charlie that I almost missed what she'd said.

"What are we going to tell her?"

"The truth," replied my father as we pulled in our driveway.

I wanted to run to my room and hide under the covers, but I forced myself to walk straight into the living room as both my parents sat down on the couch.

"Bells," Charlie said. "Please come here."

Renee moved over to make room for me and patted the cushion between them.

"No," I said. "Tell me now. Stop treating me like I'm a baby. What happened? Why is everyone crying and where is Chris?"

"Isabella," Charlie said more firmly this time. "Please come here. We need to talk with you and you need to sit down."

I put my hands on my hips, about to refuse again, when I saw my mother completely fall apart. I knew it was bad, really, really bad. Without another thought I ran over to my parents and threw my arms around my mom as I sat down between them.

"Bella, honey," Charlie spoke very quietly. "Chris isn't here anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"He's gone, sweetheart." I'd never seen Renee look so sad, not even when my father left for his various assignments.

"Gone?" I shouted. "What do you mean, gone? He wouldn't leave me, he promised."

I looked at Charlie as he said the words I knew were coming but refused to hear.

"Bells, Chris is dead."

**-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o**

**EPOV**

I had spent much of the past year traveling back and forth between Astoria and Frankfurt. Alice had been very helpful, vigilantly monitoring Bella's future for any signs of danger, yet I was unable to stay away from her, my irrational longing to be near Bella seeming to grow exponentially stronger with every passing day. Although the pain would subside by minuscule degrees when Bella was in my range of vision, the craving to speak with her remained.

I wanted, no, I desperately desired her to know that I would forever protect and defend her. She would never be harmed, of that I was certain. However, I knew that my need for her to become aware of my presence in her life was utterly irrational; it would never be possible for her to know of my feelings for her, yet it was my deepest desire. The closest I ever came to experiencing peace was when I watched my beautiful Bella sleeping.

_Your Bella? You have no claim to her._

And there it was, that odious voice in my brain which had been quieted ever since I had recognized the truth about my feelings for Bella. That voice had been silenced, hiding in the dark recesses of my mind once I had realized that my yearnings for her were not evil, offensive, revolting, but rather innocent, chaste, virtuous. Henceforth, I knew that I was meant to shield and safeguard her for as long as she lived; however, it seemed that the voice had, once again, reared its ugly head in its endless quest to torment and destroy me.

While I knew it was true that Bella did not belong to me, _I belonged to her_ and that would never change. Her hold on me was indestructible, everlasting, irrevocable. My connection to her was timeless and would exist long after her mortal life was over. I shuddered at the thought. The notion of Bella no longer gracing the earth with her glorious presence pierced through my frozen, impenetrable body and made my heart constrict in pain.

The day eventually arrived when Bella's father had been transferred from his station in Germany to his next assignment in Arizona. I had learned they would be traveling first to Phoenix to spend some well-deserved time with Bella's grandparents, before continuing south to Sierra Vista, where the Swans would be residing for at least the next three years. While Arizona was considerably closer to my current residence in Oregon, I was disheartened nevertheless as it would be much more challenging to remain outdoors during the day to watch over Bella. There were few completely cloudy days in Sierra Vista and I would require Alice's assistance even more when determining which portions of the partially overcast days would be appropriate times to escape the confines of the various hotels where I would reside during my visits to Bella. It would not serve my purposes for Bella to see me sparkling in the bright Arizona sun.

_You really are a monster._

Could I never escape the persecution of the malicious wailing that was determined to undermine my sanity?

_You desire a human child; that is the definition of lunacy._

I had been free from the torment of my brain's internal ragging for nearly a year; apparently, that was all the peace I deserved. I had come to terms with my existence, with the knowledge that I would never find a mate. I had embraced my new destiny as Bella's guardian; I only desired that she remain in my life in some fashion. I would fulfill whatever role was required of me; I would perform any function she needed. I recognized my love for Bella was a different kind of love than that experienced by the other members of my family for their spouses, but what I felt for Bella would be enough. Or at least that was what I had continuously told myself. It seemed, however, that the infernal being which resided deep within my core was determined to extrude its long, winding tendrils of doubt throughout my soul in its attempt to regain control over me.

_Soul? You have no soul._

Exhausted from my internal battle, I began once again to realize that I had been fooling myself. Finding Bella had been the best part of my existence and she was gone.

_Yes, she is gone. You'll never be near her, touch her, again._

Without Bella in my life, there was no reason to exist, no reason to continue my struggle to be better than the monster I was. Perhaps it was time to leave my family once again. There was no reason to burden them with the moronic suppositions that I could actually, truly, be a part of a human child's life.

_Leave._

It was the vibrating of my phone which brought me out of my dark ruminations. Alice.

A: You truly are a masochist.

What if Alice was right? Did it even matter? Probably not, so I responded to Alice's text message.

E: What is your point?

Then my phone rang. I answered, already knowing who it was.

"You must truly require, no, better yet, desire, the pain which comes only from the degradation you inflict upon yourself," Alice yelled through the phone.

"Not true," I replied bitterly.

"Have you not been listening to yourself?"

"Alice, maybe I'm just tired of fighting the battle. I had a good year, the best ever, in fact. The moment I came to the realization that I was meant to have a role in Bella's life, although only an ancillary part, was the finest experience I can recall in all my years."

"So what's changed?" Alice asked.

"The knowledge I have gained does not negate the emptiness I feel when not around her," I admitted.

"Edward, you need to be strong. Hold on a little longer. You need to take care of Bella. Promise me you won't go run off as you so often do when the times get tough. _Promise _me." It had been some time since I had heard Alice so adamant about anything.

"What are you keeping from me, Alice?"

"Never you mind," she replied. "Just promise."

"Fine," I said a bit too quickly.

"Okay, come home for a while. We miss you; I miss you."

"I will soon, but not quite yet. I need to make sure Bella will be successfully integrated into her new school."

"You know she'll have a difficult time making friends, Edward. Some things don't change and not even you can help Bella with that." Alice was, of course, right again.

"I know but I'd like to stay a little longer. What are the odds of cloud cover over the next few days?"

"You won't be able to be outdoors all the time, but there actually will be quite a bit of cloudiness for a while so go ahead and stay, but no more than two weeks, okay?"

I agreed before hanging up the phone. Somehow my sister always knew how to lift my spirits.

I was nearing the end of my intended stay and nothing momentous had occurred. It was difficult to keep an eye on Bella while she was at school, but fortunately for me, when she was outside during recess, there was an old storage facility near the bench where she always sat. No one talked with her; it made my silent heart break. I wanted her to be happy, to have all the friends she desired because Bella deserved to be loved. Although none of the children approached Bella, I had heard numerous thoughts surrounding the 'new girl', but none had been very interesting and none threatening so I had chosen to ignore them.

The day before I was expected to leave was overcast so I once again took up residence in the storage facility when I heard a voice, one I was not familiar with.

"_I wonder if she'll talk to me. She seems really nice, even though she's so quiet."_

I peered through the window as I watched a young girl who appeared tall for her age, with dark brown, almost black hair, approach Bella. It seemed Bella recognized the child.

"Hi," the girl said, smiling at Bella. The girl's mind was calm, genuinely interested in getting to know Bella.

"Hi, to you," Bella replied sweetly. I smiled to myself, admiring Bella; she was always so kind to everyone.

"I think we live around the corner from each other," the girl said, glancing at the empty space on the bench next to where Bella was seated, her thoughts giving her away.

"_I wonder if she'll mind if I sit with her."_

The child continued. "Maybe we can see each other some time after school."

"That would be nice," Bella replied, nodding. "Wanna sit down?"

"Sure," she said. I was pleased that particular girl had decided to befriend Bella; her mind was pleasant, not angry, not bitter or jealous in any way. She seemed to truly desire Bella's company.

Although I had not known it at the time, I later learned that the child's name was Carolyn. I also did not anticipate that the short conversation which transpired between them that day would irrevocably change the course of their lives as well as mine, though that thought did not occur to me until much, much later.

I returned to visit my family for a short while. It was nice to see everyone again although I was surprised when Alice continually blocked me from hearing her mental voice. Between our two gifts, we had always had an open method of communication but for some reason she would not let me in.

"Alice, what are you up to?" I asked. I had become tired of her secrecy, finally deciding to confront the situation.

"Nothing," she replied, trying not to smile.

"You know I know better than that," I stated firmly, trying not to become overly annoyed with her. It seemed I had lost my patience with my sister's games more often in the time I had come to know Bella, than in all my ninety-seven years combined.

"Edward," she said, putting her hands on her hips, staring at me, trying very hard to look intimidating. "Am I not allowed to have secrets? Am I required to tell you everything that goes on in my head? I'm sure you don't share all of your innermost thoughts with me." And with that, she huffed, shook her head and exited the room before I could respond.

Of course I did not tell her everything, but up until then she had always been willing to share her thoughts with me. I could not even begin to imagine what sort of future she was hiding from me, but I was certain that if it had anything to do with Bella, she would have already shared that information. After all, how could I thwart all possible danger which could befall Bella if I was not privy to Alice's knowledge?

As I was becoming increasingly frustrated with Alice's silence, I decided I would continue my conversation with her at a later date; I could not handle any more at that moment. After unsuccessfully attempting to relax, I decided to spend some time with the rest of my family before leaving again for Arizona. Carlisle was currently home and not expected at the hospital for a while, so I thought it would be a good time to speak with him.

I heard Carlisle before I had the opportunity to knock on his office door. Of course, he heard me coming as well.

"_It's good to have you home for a while, son; we've missed you. How's Bella?" _

"She's well, thank you for asking. Bella seems to be adjusting quite nicely to Sierra Vista," I replied, as I opened the door. "She met a very nice girl right before I left. I believe they may become very close friends over the years as they appear to be quite compatible; perhaps it is only wishful thinking on my part. In any case, it brings me comfort to know that she will have people in her life other than her family who care about her."

"_We care about her,"_ Carlisle thought, although I had a feeling he did not intend for me to hear that comment.

I hesitated before responding, "I know you care about her, as does Esme, but we are not able to provide her with sufficient support. She will never know of the family's love for her. Bella needs to find human friends who will love her as we do."

"_I doubt that will ever happen, Edward. No human will ever love her the way that you do."_

I could not believe what he had said. Her father and mother cared about her as did her grandparents. I would never presume to love her more than her own family.

"Why would you make that assumption? How could you believe that my love as her guardian could in any way compare to that of her very own flesh and blood?"

"_Edward, it's obvious that your feelings for Bella are rather overwhelming . . . first you experienced extreme bloodlust when you came across her scent at the airport. Then somehow your desire for her blood transformed into a deep longing to protect and guard her when you next crossed her path in Frankfurt. But you know just as well as I do that regardless of the emotion, whether rage, love, or something altogether different, what you've experienced, felt, is exponentially stronger than anything a __mere human can understand. Their feelings for one another, while strong, can never be as intense, extreme, as those of our kind. Not even her own parents can love her like you do; they're unable to comprehend it to such a degree."_

I sighed. I knew Carlisle was very aware of the incident in the airport and the one hundred-eighty degree change which occurred upon my second meeting with Bella; I should not have become so agitated with him. I shook my head. It seemed that no sooner had I begun to understand my feelings toward Bella and the role I would play in her life, the more confused I seemed to become. I suddenly did not feel too comfortable discussing this further with my sire, and decided to politely end the conversation. "I apologize for my rudeness. Everything about Bella has me quite conflicted; I am sure it will get easier with time. Thank you for talking with me."

Carlisle smiled and nodded as I walked out of his office. "_Any time, Edward._"

A short time later Alice found me sitting at my piano, attempting to compose a piece of music for one of my classes, but I had found it difficult to concentrate as my mind kept returning to Bella.

"_Would you like to know what I've seen concerning Bella?"_

I was surprised that Alice had decided to share her vision with me but I welcomed her view of things. What I saw was Bella spending a lot of time with her new friend. It appeared Renee preferred to have the two girls at Bella's home; Renee was probably still suffering from guilt due to Bella's abduction. Alice next saw Bella at her friend's house, but before I could see the remainder of her vision, Alice was thinking about the next shopping trip she was going to take once she had convinced Jasper to accompany her.

"Alice, I missed the end. What was the rest of that?"

"_What did you see, Edward?"_

"I'm not sure."

"_Okay, well rest assured Bella is doing just fine. You don't need to worry about her for a while."_

"Alice, please. You are driving me crazy," I said, feeling rather frustrated.

"_I don't want you to take it the wrong way; I know you – you'll jump to conclusions and begin berating yourself."_

"I promise not to do that."

"_We'll talk more later."_ Then Alice was off again, leaving me to contemplate what else she had seen.

I traveled back and forth between Arizona and Astoria over the next few years as Bella grew from a ten year old child to a thirteen year old teenage girl. She had always been beautiful to me, but over the years she had become even more charming, dazzling, stunning. Alice had been diligent in watching out for Bella and although I enjoyed spending time with my family, I knew my heart and love had been left with Bella in Arizona.

"_Edward, it's going to be somewhat cloudy for a while so you should go to see Bella."_

"Is something wrong?" I felt panic rise in my chest.

"_No, Edward, nothing's wrong. It's just been a while and I can see how much you miss her."_

I did not need any more encouragement from Alice or anyone else. Alice had promised several days of cloud-filled skies so it seemed an opportune time to see Bella.

Bella and her friend, Carolyn, were inseparable and I had never seen Bella happier. Her life had been relatively free from harm with the exception of the occasional visit to the emergency room due to Bella's extreme clumsiness which I could not help but find charming.

Upon my arrival in Sierra Vista, I headed straight toward Bella's house before hearing her friend, _"I wonder if she likes him. I wish she would say something. It's not like I haven't noticed her staring at him." _

Although I could not hear Bella's mind, I would recognize her angelic laugh anywhere and knew she was with her friend.

As I listened to their free-flowing conversation, I was surprised by what I heard as Bella admitted to her friend that she had in fact taken a liking to Carolyn's brother, Chris.

I felt my chest tighten, but I did not understand why. Finding a friend was the natural course of a human's life, whether it be a male or female friend, so why did it distress me that Bella should find a boy who would be to her liking?

_You're jealous._

That was not even a remote possibility; that would have been completely inappropriate, to say the least. My only concern was to ensure that the boy did not do anything to harm Bella. My worries remained the same as those of her father; he would not want the boy tarnishing his daughter in any way. Yes, that made perfect sense; I only wanted what was best for Bella, as did her father.

_Keep telling yourself that…_

Bella's friend was thinking about a tall boy who appeared to be a little older than Bella with dark hair; I wondered if the boy was Chris. He also had green eyes, similar to mine when I had been human. Carolyn's thoughts continued. _"I was right all along."_

"I've known since he made you spill the polish," Carolyn admitted to Bella. "I was wondering how long it would take you to tell me. I was giving you until Christmas before I asked you about it myself."

How was it possible that Bella had fallen for the human boy? Why? I could barely recall the dim human memories of my youth, yet I was fairly certain I had never been close friends with a girl, ever, and I had been seventeen when Carlisle turned me. I must have misunderstood Bella. It could not be possible. She was mine.

_She's not yours, never was, never will be._

_Bella is mine – mine to protect, mine to watch over, mine to comfort. That's what I meant._

_Are you sure? _

I was certain that one day Bella would grow up and find the love of her life and perhaps marry and have a family, but I had never considered she would experience some type of infatuation at such an early age.

_She's fourteen. How long did you expect her to wait? Forever or just until she was old enough for you?_

What would it take to silence the berating roar in my head?

Apparently my own inner turmoil did not cause enough suffering as my anguish was increased when I heard Carolyn's thoughts.

"_Should I tell her?"_ Carolyn pondered before taking a deep breath as she said quietly, "He likes you, too, you know."

Suddenly Bella was choking, although I had no idea why because she was not eating or drinking anything.

Carolyn looked at Bella with the most peculiar expression on her face.

"_What did I say?"_ Carolyn thought to herself before asking Bella, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine – why would you say that?" Bella cleared her throat as she resumed a more normal breathing pattern.

"He told me," her friend smiled slyly. "I wasn't supposed to tell you, but you're my best friend. He's just my brother." Carolyn laughed but her thoughts were not as jovial. _"What if it ends badly?"_

Carolyn was worried, but proceeded to ask the question that was on her mind. "If you two start going together and then break up, will we still be friends?"

Bella looked at the girl, a serious expression coming over her face as she stated rather emphatically, "I wouldn't stop being your friend over a boy, not even your brother. I've never had a friend like you before who had a cute brother –"

Suddenly Bella stopped speaking, an alarmed expression evident on her face. She grabbed at her chest, nearly falling over before leaning forward to place her hands on her knees in an attempt to steady herself. Her heart was racing fast. Not even during the time she was alone before being found by the police did her heart beat at such an accelerated pace. And her scent, that glorious aroma, seemed even stronger, more powerful, in her agitated state. My head began to swim as her magnificent bouquet wafted over me.

I shook my head. I needed to focus. What was causing Bella such anguish?

Bella's friend grabbed her arms in a feeble attempt to prevent Bella from falling, her mind attempting to make sense of Bella's odd behavior.

"_What in the world is the matter with her? She was fine a minute ago. Was it something I said?"_

"Are you okay?" Carolyn asked.

Bella looked up at her and nodded, not saying a word.

What was she thinking? I had to know. I wanted to run to her; to take her in my arms. At that moment, I would have done anything, including exposing my secret in order to alleviate her pain; however, I knew the consequences of any precipitous actions I might take so I forced myself to stay still. I could not interfere. I had sworn to myself that I would make Bella's life better, not worse and if Bella discovered what I was, she would be forced to become a vampire, or worse, and either outcome was utterly unacceptable to me.

Then I heard her sweet voice.

"Yeah, just give me a minute," she replied, standing up once more while still wobbling to and fro.

"_I better hold onto her. She looks like she's going to pass out."_

Carolyn's thoughts confirmed she truly cared for Bella as she put her arms around Bella, carefully escorting her to the steps to sit down.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Carolyn asked curiously as she thought, _"What in the world just happened?"_

"No, not really. Maybe later, okay?" Bella answered warily.

It was becoming more and more aggravating for Bella's mind to be silent to me. It was more infuriating than when Alice shielded her mind. I needed to know what was causing her such despair.

"Sure, no problem, whatever you need," her friend replied. It was evident from Carolyn's thoughts that she did not believe Bella any more than I, but Bella remained quiet.

Day after day I continued to watch Bella, whether it be in light or darkness, whether she was awake or asleep. I monitored her for signs of another panic attack, which Carlisle confirmed once I described Bella's behavior to him over the phone later that evening. Bella appeared to be getting better during the daylight hours when she was around Carolyn, despite that fact, she cried herself to sleep nearly every night.

One night when she was sleeping, after an episode of sobbing, Bella started talking in her sleep. I had not heard her since that night in the hospital; her mind had been closed to me not only during her waking hours but during her sleeping ones as well. At first I did not understand what she was saying so I listened harder, trying to focus on the movement of her lips. Suddenly she began crying again and I heard her call out, "Edward." I was looking directly at her so I knew without a doubt Bella was deep in slumber, but why was she crying and calling my name? Was she having a nightmare in which she needed to be rescued and I had not come to her aid? I felt so helpless.

_She's crying because you hurt her. You left her. Her tears are your fault._

Not true. She had been happy to see her family and her life both in Frankfurt and Arizona had been progressing nicely. There was no reason for her to think of me, to miss me. Her only reason for even saying my name must have been an unconscious need to feel safe. Could it be possible that during those dark moments in Wallace's house, she had truly felt protected, safe? That thought alone momentarily gave me back some of the peace I had recently lost.

Bella remained quiet the remainder of the evening, neither speaking nor crying and I continued steady on my course to ensure her well-being as best I could as I traveled back and forth between Arizona and Oregon.

It was December; everyone was preparing for the holidays, including Carolyn and Bella. I had returned to Arizona even though Alice had not foreseen any problems. I only desired to be in Bella's company. As I approached Carolyn's home, the girls were busy decorating and I heard the thoughts of the boy which were not as innocent as I had hoped. Carolyn had confided in Bella that her brother seemed to fancy Bella, but as far as I was aware, nothing had come of it. Was it possible he truly was interested in Bella? It seemed highly inappropriate, but my beliefs were confirmed when I heard the plans form in his mind which I was powerless to stop.

Chris called out, "Bella, come see this."

Bella looked at Carolyn who shrugged her shoulders. _"I don't know what he wants, but I'm sure he doesn't want me interfering."_

I wanted to scream for the girl to follow Bella. Perhaps he would not follow through with his dastardly deed if his sister were watching. However, I was forced to remain, unable to help as I felt my fists clench tightly.

Bella followed the sound of his voice, like a lamb to the slaughter. "What am I supposed to be looking at?" she inquired innocently.

Chris smiled evilly at Bella before looking up toward a sprig of mistletoe; she blushed a hundred shades of pink while I saw red as a growl emanated from my chest. This could not be happening.

"You know what they say about standing under mistletoe," the boy smirked.

I wanted to wipe the smile off his face. I could have done it so very easily, but I forced myself to maintain some semblance of control.

Bella didn't answer as she twisted a strand of hair around her finger, her heartbeat accelerating. I would have done anything to have heard Bella's introspections as a few beads of perspiration appeared on her brow. Did she actually want the boy to kiss her?

Then it happened. He dared to caress Bella's cheek with his foul lips before running out the door.

No, impossible. Bella was only fourteen, too young to be kissed, to be interested in a boy. She was just a child after all and he was nearly sixteen, too old for her.

_How old are you?_

This was not about me. I would never consider behaving in such a vile manner. What kind of boy would attempt to seduce a sweet, innocent girl?

_You – you're precisely what Bella needs protecting from._

No, I refused to believe it. I would never defile her in such an inappropriate fashion. I would never touch her in such a pernicious manner. She was too young, too pure. There was no man or boy alive worthy of such an angel as Bella.

_She's an angel, but you're a demon._

I felt myself begin to falter. I could not bear the innuendos the barbaric creature continued hurling to the forefront of my mind.

I had heard the thoughts of teenagers and children alike; there was quite a difference between the cute and innocent friendships between children and the lustful and disparaging dalliances between teenagers. Although there was no way for me to advise Bella, there had to be a way for her to learn that the boy's thoughts were less than virtuous; he desired much more than just Bella's company.

How could she be fooled by him and his scheme to seduce her?

_Perhaps she's not being deceived. _

Would the torment never stop? Was it conceivable that I had, once again, blown everything out of proportion? I had heard his thoughts, but his kiss on her cheek had been, if I were honest, far from perverted. They were just children, friends; was I overreacting? If I only desired Bella's happiness, and it appeared that she was happy, did I truly want to take that away? Was I that selfish?

_Yes._

No. The yearnings I felt, the desires I had regarding Bella only existed in my limited capacity as her conservator, nothing more, nothing less. Bella deserved every kind of happiness including friendship at every age. I did not wish for her to live her life alone, wandering from place to place as I did. She deserved so much more.

_You want her; you've only been fooling yourself._

I refused to even consider that abominable, repulsive, perverted possibility. The love I felt for Bella was not romantic in any way, even I, a monster, a savage, a fiend, would not debase myself by considering such debauchery. Although I was certain, I had to be, of the truth of my love for Bella, and while I would always prevent harm from befalling her, my constant turmoil and the unending conflict concerned me greatly.

As the seasons changed and winter turned into spring, it became more difficult to monitor Bella's activities during the daylight hours. It had also become increasingly more challenging to remain calm as I watched the vulgar imp worm his way further into Bella's life; therefore, I decided to return to Astoria. Alice had promised she would continue her constant vigil on Bella's future and I needed time to think away from Bella and from the constant temptation I experienced, the desire I felt to injure the boy who seemed to have won Bella's heart.

As the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months, eventually I could no longer remain away from Bella, although it was summer and not the best time of the year for someone such as I to visit the lovely state of Arizona. Fortunately, the day I returned was cloudy. Bless Alice; I would have to give her gift or do something extra special for my future seeing sister. However, my adulations would have to wait.

Bella, Carolyn and Chris had decided to spend the day at the park; the voices bombarding my mind as I approached the perimeter were staggering. My gaze eventually fell upon Carolyn as I realized she was alone. I had not ever recalled seeing her away from Bella's side when I heard her.

"_I hope they're enjoying themselves. I'm beginning to feel like a third wheel, although they'd never say it."_

That's when I saw them; Bella was laying on her stomach, resting her elbows on the blanket, her chin in her hands. Chris had leaned back against his elbows, his legs stretched out in front of him. Their conversation was innocent enough, however his thoughts were more contemptible.

"_She's so beautiful and she doesn't even realize it. It's getting harder to keep my hands off her." _

If he so much as touched her, I knew I would tear him to pieces. I hoped, no – _prayed_ – that he would not follow through with his perverted ideas as I watched from my hiding place. As abruptly as his thoughts changed, so did his position. Instead of leaning back, he was sitting next to and behind Bella as he ran his fingers through the glorious chocolate brown locks of her hair.

That would have been bad enough had he stopped there, however, he continued with his aberrant behavior by trailing his fingers down the back of her head, neck and spine. His thoughts were filled with ways he wished to defile her while my rage began to boil. He did not stop his movements until his hand came to rest over the exposed area between Bella's blouse and the waistband of her jeans.

Bella jumped up as his fingers grazed her bare skin. It was apparent from her increased heart rate and the look of confusion and displeasure on her face that she was not prepared for what he had done as she ran away from him.

He called to her and attempted a weak apology but she would have none of that. He was, however, persistent as I saw him grab her arm.

I felt myself begin to lose control as the rage totally consumed me. I could barely contain my snarls, in utter disbelief of what my eyes were seeing – _he _had actually dared to touch Bella without her consent and then refused to take no for an answer as he prevented her from leaving. I wanted nothing more than to hack off his head and I honestly had no idea what prevented me from doing precisely that, except for the thought of how Bella would react if I hurt her friend even though he was behaving in a completely ungentlemanly fashion.

So unnerved was I by his exploitations of Bella that I was ready to accept the consequences which would surely have resulted from my actions just so I could have had the opportunity to injure the boy who dared touch her, hurt her, mar her skin in any way. I was overcome by the desire to end his life, but focused my attention back on Bella as I heard her shout. "Chris, let go."

"_What am I doing? Meeting Bella is the best thing that's ever happened to me. Why can't I keep my hands to myself? I've got to apologize, make her realize how sorry I am. I can't lose her. I promised myself I wouldn't treat her like some of my friends treat their girlfriends, but I can't seem to stop touching her."_

His thoughts seemed to become sorrowful as he began to grasp the severity of his action; however, I was certain he was only penitent because of Bella's rejection of his overtures. Although he appeared to truly desire Bella's forgiveness, he seemed unable to control himself.

Just at that moment, Carolyn suddenly appeared at Bella's side, glaring angrily at her brother. "Chris, go pack up the stuff. I'll be over in a minute to get what I can. Leave Bella alone."

Chris sighed, dejected, and walked away while he thought, _"I've made such a mess of things. Why won't she talk to me? I've got to make her see that I'll do anything if she'll forgive me."_

He was quite aware of the mess he had made and I could not help but feel joy at her rejection of him; however, as I looked at Bella's face, my heart sank. Oddly enough, although it was apparent she had despised his actions, the expression on her glorious face was clearly that of sorrow. How was that possible? His behavior had been reprehensible and yet she seemed to feel bad for turning him away. Did she somehow believe it was her fault? It was then I realized how strongly she must have felt for the miscreant. What if it was not a fling, a crush, an infatuation? What if Bella's feelings ran deeper? The thought that I had lost Bella ran through me with such intensity that it stunned me, dropping me to the ground with such an agonizing force that not even Emmett, with all his strength would have been able to keep me upright.

Although I did not require air to sustain me, I was suddenly panting, as though the additional air would somehow help. I bent over, placing my hands on my knees in a desperate attempt to regain control over my faculties. I was so very frustrated, angered, enraged that I was unable to consider all the possibilities, the meaning of what had happened right before my eyes. I needed to focus, concentrate; unfortunately, Jasper was not around to assist me.

I did not understand the feelings that were coursing through me, and I desperately needed to calm myself. It was imperative that I regain my composure and remain in control of myself at all times when in Bella's presence. I had to find a way to become detached from the situation; however, the more time I spent around the boy, the less restraint I seemed to possess. I was becoming fearful of my reactions to the boy and Bella's friendship with him so I decided to leave. I needed time to clear my head and I was confident that Alice would monitor Bella's destiny in my absence. If she needed me, I would undoubtedly return, but time and space seemed to be the answer to my current dilemma. I could never lose control and interfere in her human life.

_She is human, you are not._

I had to leave; I could not remain. The danger was too great; the wretched being that was lodged deep within had finally won as I became wary of my tenuous hold on my self-control. I was in danger of exposing my secret by injuring the boy. At that moment I was certain it was Alice calling when I felt my phone vibrate. I was not in a mood for my sister's consternations but then I thought better of not answering. Before I could speak, I heard Alice call out, "Edward," with panic in her voice.

"I've seen Bella. She's laying on the ground as if she were in an accident."

"Alice, when? How long do I have? Can I prevent this?" I felt the terror rising up, through my chest until it felt like hands griping my throat, preventing me from speaking.

"I'm not sure, not long, no, I don't think there's time to prevent it, Edward, but I see her in the ER and she's awake and appears to be physically okay."

"I've got to do something," I told her, but Alice would hear nothing of the sort.

"Edward, listen to me. You can't interfere. I don't want you to freak out and do something stupid out of anger and rage. Jasper and I are on our way. Emmett and Rose may come as well. We're leaving now."

I would not be able to wait for my siblings as Alice had suggested and I had not thought to ask Alice if they were running, driving or flying to Arizona. Regardless of their mode of transportation, I knew they would eventually join me but I had to find Bella. Now. So focused was I on Bella, that as I approached the scene, I was unprepared for what I saw. I had imagined all sorts of things happening to her which would have required the need for an ambulance, but what I found was the boy, lying on the ground, a car nearby, its front fender bent. A heavily damaged bicycle lay on the ground not too far from him. It appeared as if the car had hit the boy and tossed him to the side of the road; his sister was crying over him and Bella was on the ground a few yards back. There were people everywhere so I was unable to get too close, forced to stand idly by, helpless.

I followed the ambulance to the hospital and did my best to block out all the chatter around me until I found what I was listening for, Bella's parents. They were whispering softly; apparently Bella had not yet awoken, but the doctors did not believe she had sustained any serious injuries. They thought the cause of her black-out was due to the stress of observing the accident. Then, suddenly, my heart soared as I heard Bella's friend, Carolyn, before she uttered a word. Through her eyes, I was now able to see Bella as well, lying in a hospital bed, unconscious. Suddenly, her eyelids began to flutter, and then soon after, she opened her eyes, her chocolate brown orbs searching.

"_Oh, thank goodness she's awake, but what am I going to tell her?"_

"Where's Chris?" Bella whispered as soon as she awoke, her words gouging a chasm through my chest. I needed to focus. I had to rein in my feelings. Bella was hurting and I had to find a way to stop her pain. There was no time for mine. I could not remain in the waiting room; I had to see Bella myself. I had been to medical school so perhaps I could find a white coat and pretend to be one of the ER doctors, if to only get a glimpse of her. Too many possible consequences, I thought. I would simply walk through the doors.

Bella's friend, Chris, had in fact, sustained several injuries when the car struck him, however, the injury which seemed to cause the most concern was Chris's loss of memory. There was a good chance that the amnesia would only be temporary, but the families were deeply frightened by it.

As I walked around the corner, I saw Carolyn as she pointed to the other side of the curtain in response to Bella's question. I was not prepared for Bella's reaction as she nearly fell over, jumping down off the stretcher in an attempt to see the boy; however, Carolyn did not allow Bella passage.

"No," Bella shouted. "No, I have to go to him. What happened, it's all my fault." It was obvious from the exchange that no one had yet told Bella about the boy's condition and it was unfathomable to me how Bella could consider his irresponsible behavior and the consequences of such her responsibility.

"No, he wasn't watching where he was going," Carolyn said, sighing deeply.

"That's because he was watching us, me. He's going to be okay, right?"

"We hope so," were the only words Carolyn spoke as she looked down at the floor. Suddenly, Bella seemed to lose control of herself as she grabbed Carolyn by her shoulders, shaking her, and yelling out in desperation, "Tell. Me. What's. Wrong!"

Instantly, Bella was surrounded by a multitude of people, talking all at once while attempting to force her back on the bed, yet she refused to be restrained. I was in awe of the tenacity my girl had as she fought to get away from everyone around her until she eventually broke free, running into her father's arms. Charlie just held her while she cried.

"_What can I do?" _Bella's mother thought. _"I've never seen her in such a state, ever, not even when the police found her."_ She was suddenly flooded by guilt over the incident in Germany, and pushed the thoughts to the back of her mind as she refocused on her daughter.

_You see, she's more distressed now over the boy than she was when you left her._

This was not the time or place to listen to my inner demons. Bella needed me.

_No, apparently she doesn't. She has her family._

I refused to continue to participate in the argument between my two selves as I watched Renee walk over to where Bella was standing, leaning against her father's chest as she gently caressed Bella's cheek. "Bella, honey, it will be okay," she said in an attempt to reassure her anguish-filled child.

Unfortunately, in her attempt to comfort her daughter, Renee seemed to exacerbate the situation as the intensity of Bella's sobs increased to the point she was having difficulty breathing.

"_I'm no good at this," _Charlie thought. _"I don't know what to do to make it better. I feel so useless." _

I absolutely, one hundred percent, unequivocally understood what her father was feeling – I was totally unable to help, useless, powerless to alleviate her suffering.

"Come on, Bells," her father said, walking with her over to a chair as he sat down before pulling Bella onto his lap.

How I envied her father at that moment. I was supposed to be the one to care for her, console her, give her peace and yet I was unable to even provide the smallest amount of comfort in her time of need. Although he was unsure of how to proceed to remedy the situation, at least her father was capable of holding his daughter in his arms. At least Bella knew he loved her. All I could do was watch from the sidelines as Bella's cries turned into hysterical sobs as she wrapped her arms around her chest, gasping for air. Finally she spoke, although softly; of course I could hear her.

"Daddy, promise me Chris is going to get better, please."

Her father looked at his daughter; his mind aflutter, shifting his thoughts so quickly I could not get a clear sense of what he was thinking. Bella seemed to know what her father was going to say before he could answer. His silence brought on a whole new wave of sobs that shook her body which I was once again unable to stop. The guilt I felt was overwhelming. What purpose could I have in her life if I was not able to relieve any of her pain? How could I protect her if I was unable to reach her in time? I was such a failure. I did not deserve her. I lowered my head, ashamed at how I had behaved. Perhaps if I had not been so enraged I would have been able to stop the accident. I would have protected the boy if only to prevent Bella from feeling such despondency and agony. It was too much to bear. Why did I exist? I would never forgive myself if something happened to her.

I was brought back to reality when I heard Bella begging for a better explanation as to Chris's condition, but mostly she wanted to understand why they would not let her see him. Her father explained that Chris did not remember anyone.

"What does that mean?" Bella asked.

"It means," her father said, "that he may never remember you."

Upon hearing those words, Bella, still clutching her chest, attempted to get up, but her father held her firmly in his lap as he continued his attempts to comfort his distraught daughter. I had never seen Bella in such a state and I was not certain how much more of her suffering I could endure before I would give in and run to her. I was willing to do anything to ease her anguish.

Bella settled down so I began to listen to the nurses and doctors; it wasn't long before I realized that although Bella had been extremely upset and agitated, she was being released to the care of her parents. The doctor had prescribed a mild sedative in case Bella was not able to sleep, but other than that, she was fine. However, when Bella's mother advised her that they could leave, Bella refused to go. Even when Carolyn was allowed to go home with Bella, she still did not want to leave. What was she waiting for? I knew she did not like hospitals and I did not understand why she would not want to go home. Then I realized it was the boy.

_Of course it is the boy._

Carolyn's parents, as well as Bella's were deliberating whether or not to allow Bella to see Chris. Apparently they understood faster than I what Bella wanted to do before she left. Neither set of parents said a word, looking back and forth between the girls until Carolyn finally spoke, "Daddy, can she please just say good-bye to him before we go?"

That was when both fathers silently made their decisions to allow Bella to see Chris. They were concerned over her reaction to his injuries as well as the fact that he, most likely, would not recognize her and the agony that could cause; but not allowing her to see him would have been worse.

Bella held her breath as she walked quietly around the curtain, not saying a word; however, I was suddenly aware of the boy's mind and I instantly knew he recognized Bella before his small, uncertain voice called out, "Bella, is that you?"

As much as it pained me, I saw Bella smile as tears streamed down her face; I was certain they were tears of joy and relief. He knew her and although the doctors had been concerned, Bella had faith that her friend would not have forgotten her. Once his sister came into his view, I knew he recognized her as well as he spoke her name. "Carolyn?"

He seemed relieved as his mind began to make sense to him, the pieces falling back into place. Memories of the times he had spent with Bella were becoming more organized which caused a smile to come over his bruised and battered face as he said, "I guess I finally did something right today."

It appeared Bella's friend would be alright, as would she. The doctors and nurses had been apprised of Chris's progress concerning his memory, yet it was the opinion of the medical staff that it would be in his best to remain overnight for continued observation. Eventually, the boy was assigned a room and when both families followed Chris to the pediatric floor, I decided to take my leave and return to my hotel where my siblings would eventually be joining me.

I hoped that prior to their arrival Alice would have filled everyone in concerning what had transpired because I was at a loss for words. The truth of the matter was, I had failed to protect Bella; I had been unable to care for her in the manner necessary for a human. I had been unable to prevent the accident and suddenly the misery, gloom and despair washed over me. How much longer would I pursue this most ridiculous path? Although eternity stretched before me, I would have given up everything to have been able to prevent just one of the tragic events which had befallen Bella.

_You are useless, incapable of doing good._

Leaving seemed the only solution. There truly was no reason for me to stay. I knew I had promised Alice I would not do anything foolish, but disappearing seemed the only plausible option. Sometimes Alice's gift was too precise as my phone rang the moment my decision to leave had been made.

"Edward, stop. I can see where this is headed. Leaving, abandoning Bella will never be the right choice."

"Alice, you need to be truthful with me. You've asked me, no, told me, not to leave and yet for all my good intentions, I've been unable to protect her."

"Edward, this was not your fault. She's human, things happen. You can't save her from everything."

"Jasper, give Alice back her phone. I know you mean well, but it's too much. I can't handle seeing her in anguish, pain and sorrow, and knowing I'm unable to stop it."

"Dude, you're not Superman. You can't be all places at all times. Give yourself a break."

"Emmett? I appreciate your concern, but if I can't protect her, there's no reason for me to remain near her."

It was comforting to talk with Emmett, especially since I had been certain he would have been angry with me for allowing harm to come to Bella. If I had not been so self-absorbed I may have been able to prevent the accident.

"Edward," it was Alice again. "We'll be there soon. _Please _don't leave. If you're honest with yourself, you know leaving is not what's best for Bella."

She was right; I could not leave. It would only increase the likelihood of something similar reoccurring.

"Alice, I can't stay in the hotel waiting for you to arrive. I'm ready to climb the walls. Would it be alright if I went to see Bella now?" I felt like a teenage boy asking permission to go out but I needed Alice to confirm nothing would go awry if I went to Bella's house.

"Go," Alice said after a short pause. "We'll see you later."

From the conversations I had heard at the hospital, I knew that Carolyn would be staying with Bella. I realized that although I could not hear Bella, I could hear Carolyn so it would not be difficult to know if Carolyn had unexpectedly woken up. I just needed to listen.

Upon arriving at Bella's house, I was immediately aware that Bella was having nightmares. She kept tossing and turning and crying in her sleep. I wanted to run over to her, touch her, comfort her, even if only while she slept, but I knew I should not. It was too risky, especially with her friend only inches away. Almost too late I noticed Bella's breathing had changed. The moonlight was shining in her window and I was about to attempt to adjust the curtains so as to block the light from waking her when I felt the vibration of my phone. I was sure it was a warning from Alice and without even looking at my phone, I made a mad dash out of the room just as Bella sat up.

Upon returning to the hotel, I was glad to hear that my siblings had finally arrived. I was still feeling anxious over the events of the past few days and conflicted by all the raw emotions I had experienced, but it did not take long for the feelings to lift.

_Ah, Jasper._

I looked at my brother in gratitude, never more thankful for his gift than in that moment.

"_How's Bella?"_ Although it was more challenging for Jasper than the rest of my family to be in the company of humans, he, too, had become protective of Bella, which was not surprising since he had been with the rest of my family at Tanya's house. He, unlike I, had been able to help resolve the situation with Tanya so that Bella could be returned to her parents. Once again, I had been utterly useless as I had not even been there.

There was another wave of calm. I nodded to Jasper; I knew he meant well and I was certain that my emotions were overwhelming him. I would attempt to keep myself under control for his sake.

"She's okay. Physically she's better than okay, but I think her feelings for the boy are more than just a passing fancy."

"_It'll all work out somehow."_

"What do you mean? How will it work out? I'm so conflicted. Bella appears happy around him, but his thoughts are not always so pure and innocent. It takes all the restraint I have to not injure him."

"_Edward, maybe what you are feeling is more than you want to admit. After all, Bella's fourteen and you were only seventeen when Carlisle turned you. You're really not that much older than her now."_

"Emmett, what are you saying? Are you insane? I don't love Bella that way. That's just... it's perverted."

What he had said was incomprehensible. It was ludicrous and infuriated me so that I could not stop myself from releasing a low growl.

"_Eddie, calm down. I didn't mean anything by it, but you've spent the last five years watching over her. Maybe there's more –"_

"Emmett –"

Then I heard Rosalie, _"I don't see what the big deal is. All this fuss over one human. I don't understand him. There have been too many close calls. What is he thinking?"_

I was unable to prevent my snarl from breaking through. Rosalie flinched at little but stared at me provocatively.

"_What, Edward? I _don't _understand it. Care to explain? You're behaving ridiculously. But as usual, you only think about yourself."_ She flicked her hair over her shoulder and turned to Emmett.

"Come on, Emmett, let's go. I need to get out of here. I can't take anymore of 'Uptight Edward'."

Rosalie was one of a kind, but I knew she was right. And yet, I could not help myself. With everything I now knew, I still could not stay away from Bella.

Finally, once the boy was sent home, Alice was able to convince me to return to Astoria with them. I wanted to remain until Bella started school, but Alice had not seen anything else happening to the boy or Bella. She had been through enough and I was beginning to accept that she truly cared for him. I was still struggling with the phantom spirit that continued its attempts to provoke me, but I remained strong for Bella. I would be whatever she needed and for that, I had to remain in control of myself. I could not allow the bitterness to envelope me, for if it did, I would certainly run. I knew that.

Upon returning to Astoria, I once again attempted to compose. Any thoughts of returning to college were tossed aside as watching Bella had become a full time job. I tried to stay away, allowing her the space she needed to learn and grow without my constant presence and I had been fairly successful. I had only traveled back once since the accident as Alice had become even more determined in her vigil. She had also agreed to share every vision with me, good or bad, ever since my return.

Alice had not really seen anything bad, only minor inconveniences and nothing which would have required me to return. I suppose the worst thing that was occurring was the Bella and Chris appeared to be getting closer with each passing day. They seemed to spend all their free time together, along with Carolyn – at least she was always around them when they were together so they were never together alone.

_Jealous, are we?_

I refused to listen. I had ignored the monster long enough that I hardly ever heard him as I returned my thoughts to the composition I was attempting to write. I was actually pleased with the progress I was making. I enjoyed playing my piano and Esme appreciated it as well. I was also feeling the spirit of the holiday season which was beginning to descend upon us. Thanksgiving had come and gone and I was looking forward to Christmas time because I had given myself permission to return to visit Bella after Christmas but before the New Year. I had learned that she would be in Phoenix again for the holiday but return before New Year's Eve as her parents were planning on attending a party on the base.

I was lost in my daydream, thinking about how lovely Bella was becoming. She was fourteen; I was already aware of how beautiful she would become, even more than she was already. Thoughts of prepubescent boys gawking after her sent chills through my body, and it was the first time I was actually glad Chris was her friend. He seemed to want to protect her in his own way; ever since the accident, his thoughts had been quite a bit less unsavory.

Lost in my 'Bella World' as Emmett called it, I did not hear her mind or the sound of Rose entering the house until she was inches from my face.

"Edward," she yelled at me, as she grabbed my arm.

I looked at her dazed until focusing on Rose's mind; I saw a picture of Alice on the forest floor, her head being cradled by Jasper.

"What happened?" I asked as we ran out of the house.

"I don't know. We were hunting. Emmett and I heard Alice scream and when we found her, she was lying on the ground, Jasper unable to calm her. She wouldn't move so I ran to find you and Carlisle."

"Carlisle's at the hospital," I said as I continued to follow Rose to where Alice was. Fortunately, just as we arrived, Alice stirred and upon seeing me, immediately jumped up and ran to me, throwing her arms around me, sobbing, without the relief of tears as I finally saw the image that had caused my sister to collapse. Bella was laying in her bed, curled up in a ball, calling out Chris's name. I was enraged. How could he hurt her? I was going to rip him apart, limb from limb when suddenly another picture of Bella came into Alice's mind. At first I thought it was the same, but realized Bella, while still curled in the fetal position, was now facing her wall instead of the window. That was when I knew the truth and I felt the extent of her pain as I saw her face and heard her words through Alice's mind, "Chris is dead."

**AN: Okay, do I need to go hide? Please let me know what you think.**

**Just FYI – 'Air Bud' was presented by Walt Disney Pictures, directed by Charles Martin Smith, distributed by Buena Vista Pictures (USA) and Warner Bros (UK), and released in the US August 1, 1997**


	7. Chapter 7 Tides of Change

**DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer owns the entire Twilight Series, Edward, Bella and the other characters that we've grown to know and love. Any new or unfamiliar characters in the story are figments of my imagination. No copyright infringement is intended – I'm just having fun!**

**Please take a minute to review the story and then check out the great stories written by my great beta, TwilightMomOfTwo. She unselfishly gives of her time to help me get you the best story possible – thanks!**

**Chapter 7 – Tides of Change**

**BPOV**

It was only a dream, I told myself, just a bad dream. It was a nightmare unlike any I'd ever experienced before, so very real, vivid, but it was _just_ a dream, it had to be. I listened for my parents' voices, but only heard whispers. I rolled over, wishing myself back to sleep as the sunlight that filtered through my bedroom window made me realize how late it was; I should've gotten up a while ago. I wondered why Chris and Carolyn hadn't called me yet; that's when I felt the pain fill the void in my chest. I flopped back down on the foot of my bed, closing my eyes as my nightmare became reality. Charlie's words surged over me as I heard his voice replay over and over again the words that ripped my world apart, "Bells, Chris is dead."

Everyone at school, of course, knew about Chris's tragic death and it seemed the entire student body attended his funeral. As the boys from the various sports teams in which Chris had participated approached Carolyn's parents to pay their respects, many of them glanced over in my direction, smiling sadly, as if they knew how important Chris had been to me. But when all the girls that Chris didn't know or even like began to form a line, acting as if they'd been important in his life, I couldn't take it any more. Before I realized what had happened, I was bent over losing my insides on the freshly cut lawn. Luckily we were standing far enough away from everyone that most people hadn't notice, but my best friend did and she was immediately at my side.

"Oh my gosh! Are you okay?" Carolyn asked as I dropped to my knees on a clean patch of grass.

"Don't worry about me," I said, wiping my mouth with a tissue. "I just couldn't stand another minute of the cheerleaders pretending to care about him. You know how he felt." I was bitter and angry and didn't want them anywhere near Carolyn's family; they made my skin crawl.

"I know," she replied. "But we can't do anything about it. Will you be alright? I should probably get back."

I nodded, stood up and waved good-bye as I said, "I'll see you at home later," before Charlie and Renee walked with me to the car.

The holidays were a blur. My parents insisted on getting me out of town even though I didn't want to leave my bedroom, pulling the covers over my head as they began to pack my things around me.

"I'm not going anywhere!" I yelled. I wished they'd leave me alone to suffer in silence.

"Bella, get up," Renee said emphatically as she pulled the covers back.

"No. Why can't you leave me alone?"

"Isabella Marie Swan, if you don't get up now, so help me I'm going to submit my transfer papers and we'll move so fast you won't have a chance to say good-bye. Is that what you want?" I'd never heard my dad so upset before. He wasn't angry really, he was sad and I could tell he was at a loss as to how to help me.

"Okay," I said reluctantly. "Sorry." I didn't want my parents to feel bad. What happened to Chris wasn't their fault and I wasn't ready to leave Sierra Vista. It was the only place I felt close to Chris and if I left, how would I know for a certainty that he'd actually existed.

Charlie and Renee took quick advantage of the fact that I was actually out of my bed and whisked me away quickly to my grandparents' house in Phoenix.

I managed to keep myself in one piece during the daylight hours; the nights, however, were a different story. Every attempt I made to sleep was filled with terror as I thought of Chris. Although the dream always started out happy enough, the horror was never far behind. Chris and I were together, walking hand in hand through a lush meadow filled with flowers as the sun shone brightly around us. As we strolled through the meadow, the flowers dried up, the green grass became brown and the forest surrounding us turned into a desert. Chris was suddenly pulled away from me, disappearing into thin air, even though I could still hear him as he called out my name. I ran through the desert searching for him but was overcome by the heat, my legs trembling before giving out, causing me to fall to the hard, parched earth. Chris continued to beg for my help but even as I crawled forward on my hands and knees, too tired to take another step, I never found him. Ultimately, the barren lands surrounding me were silenced and, as the desert began to close in around me, I'd wake up, panting, out of breath, exhausted as if I'd truly been running.

If losing Chris hadn't caused enough pain, all my memories of Edward came flooding back. My dreams of Edward were similar and yet, different. I would find myself alone, cold, in a very dark forest, unable to see anything. I was certain someone was watching me and as I peered through the darkness I found two red eyes staring at me, glowing evilly. Terrified, I ran away, screaming for Edward to find me. He'd respond, calling me in his soothing, musical voice as I ran toward the comforting sound. In my haste to reach him, I'd invariably fall down, scraping my legs, arms, and face but I'd eventually see him far off in the distance. As relief washed over me, I fell down again. Suddenly he called out to me in a horrified voice, warning me of danger and there, standing over me, was the red-eyed monster, ready to pounce. That's when I'd wake up, sweating profusely, drenching my sheets and night shirt.

Inevitably, one of those two horrendous dreams consumed my mind each and every night, leaving me more exhausted than the day before. In the beginning, my parents would come running into my room as they heard me scream, but after a while, they no longer came when they realized their presence did little, if anything, to comfort me. It was actually easier for me that way; no need to come up with a different explanation for my nightmares each and every night.

In some ways time stood still, yet in others it was hard to believe that it had been four weeks since – no. I couldn't bring myself to say the words swirling around in my head but ignoring them wouldn't change the facts. How could I live without him? How was I supposed to continue to exist now that Chris was gone? I had no answers, yet I knew that school would resume in a few days and I wasn't looking forward to it. How could I act normal with everyone watching me, waiting for me to fall apart? I didn't want to see the pity in their eyes and I certainly didn't want to talk to anyone about what had happened. If I were honest with myself, I really did want to move away, but that would mean leaving Carolyn and all my memories of Chris were in Sierra Vista. I couldn't leave; it was too painful to even consider.

The only time the gaping hole in my chest felt even a tiny bit smaller was when Carolyn and I were together. Although depression seemed to follow me wherever I went, somehow when I was with Carolyn we were able to remember the good, the happy times we spent with Chris. Ironically, though, it seemed that neither set of parents wanted us spending much time together. One Saturday evening it became painfully obvious when Charlie and Renee picked me up after I'd spent the day with Carolyn.

"I think your parents are here," Carolyn whispered sadly.

"Too bad I can't stay," I replied quietly. "I don't understand what their problem is."

"It doesn't make any sense to me, either," Carolyn replied. "The only time I even try to get out of bed is when I know we have plans. Other than that, I just lay around the house; my mom even had to remind me to take a shower once or twice."

"That's bad," I said laughing, trying to lighten the mood. "You'd think they'd be happy that we're okay when we're together. You _are_ okay, right?" I asked nervously.

"Yeah. How about you?" Carolyn looked more tired than usual, but I'm sure I did as well.

"Same here," I said. "Why don't we ask if you can come over?"

"That sounds good, let's go ask," Carolyn replied hesitantly. The look on her face didn't give me much hope and of course, for good reason. The answer was no.

It was hard to believe that we'd been in Arizona four years and in that short amount of time, my life had changed so drastically. Surprisingly, though, spring went by quickly and Carolyn and I started making plans for the summer. Charlie mentioned going on vacation during the summer, but I wasn't happy about it.

"Are we going somewhere with Carolyn's family again?" I asked. "We had so much fun last year."

"It'll be just three of us," Charlie replied. "Where would you like to go?"

"I don't really want to go anywhere this year, maybe next summer," I said sadly.

"We think it would be a good idea to get out of town for a while," Renee said. "Perhaps your grandparents could join us."

"No. I know what you're doing and I don't want to go," I said in a huff. I needed to be with Carolyn; it was the only way I'd make it through the summer. Why couldn't they understand that? I was as stubborn as my father so I was expecting an argument and was surprised by his reaction.

"Okay, we'll talk about it later," he said, smiling. Then the conversation was over. I couldn't help but wonder what they were up to.

Carolyn seemed distant the last few weeks of school, but I thought she was just anxious, like I was, for the school year to end; it would be our first summer together without Chris. When I asked her about it, she just shrugged her shoulders so I let it go. Finally it was the last day of school and I felt relief wash over me until I saw Carolyn. I immediately knew something was wrong, very wrong; her eyes were red, swollen.

"What's the matter?" That was the most frequently asked question over the past five months.

Carolyn didn't say anything, just sat down on my bed, shaking her head as she started to cry. I put my arm around her shoulder, but she pushed me away.

"Please talk to me," I begged. I couldn't imagine what was causing her such pain and anguish, apart from the obvious, but we'd both been doing okay, or at least I thought we were.

Carolyn looked up at me and my heart broke, although I didn't know why.

"Do you want to go to home?" I asked trying to remember the last time I'd been to her house. Suddenly I realized it had been at least a month. Carolyn didn't answer, just looked at me through her tear-filled eyes.

"Hey, how come we haven't been to your house in a while?" I knew something was wrong, but couldn't imagine what it was. "Are your parents getting divorced?" I asked very quietly.

"No. That would almost be better," she said bitterly.

"Then what is it?" I couldn't imagine what would be worse than her parents getting divorced.

Carolyn took a really deep breath before looking directly into my eyes as she said, "We're moving."

I felt as if I'd been stabbed, my life ripped apart. Again.

"When?" was the only word I managed to get out before the tears began to fall.

"Tomorrow," Carolyn said quietly.

"What? Why?" I shouted.

"My mother sits around and cries. My father can't stand to go into Chris's room and they said it wasn't healthy for me to only be friends with you. They said we were both hanging onto each other because of Chris."

I couldn't believe her parents were tearing us apart. If they wanted to move, they could've found a new house nearby. Why did they have to take Carolyn away? Why would they worry about Carolyn and I being friends? We'd helped each other heal, hadn't we? Maybe not; maybe it had only been good for me.

"Wait. How long have you known?" I couldn't believe this was happening.

"A while," Carolyn's words barely squeaked out as she stared at the ground. "Apparently my dad has been looking for a new job and after what happened he became more determined to go."

"Why didn't you tell me? I thought we were best friends. Don't you think I would've been there for you? Hold on, do you want to go?" Was that even possible – that she'd want to move? And why would she want to leave? I'd never leave her; she was my lifeline to Chris. As long as she was around, a part of him was, too.

"Yes, no, I don't know. I hate being here. Everywhere I look I see my brother and being with you is a constant reminder of him. You get to go home, but for me there's no escape. I see his face all over the place." Carolyn put her head in her hands as she sobbed.

I had no idea she felt that way. I guess I'd been too consumed by my own grief to realize just how bad my friend was hurting. I walked over and put my arms around her. She needed to go and I didn't want her to feel bad about leaving me behind. She had to think that I'd be okay; I needed to let her go even if it killed me. "Maybe the move is a good idea."

"Do you really think so?" Carolyn asked as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

I gulped down whatever it was that was trying to come up my throat before I answered her. "Yeah, it may be the best thing for both of us."

My best friend looked at me, as if she were trying to decide whether or not I was telling the truth but she _had_ to believe me so I blinked back my own tears as I asked, "Where are you moving?" For some reason I was sure it would be far away.

Carolyn took another deep breath before answering, "Okinawa, Japan."

I really didn't remember much after Carolyn left except crawling into my bed. Why? Not again. First Alice, then Edward, next Chris and now Carolyn. Why did everyone I loved abandon me? Those were my last thoughts before I was once again consumed by the nightmares which were my only constant companions – the only things I was certain would never leave me.

**-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o**

Although my dreams continued, they changed after Carolyn left. My nightmares were no longer scary or frightening, but the panic I felt as I wandered through the desert, abandoned, forsaken, left alone, was overwhelming. No sooner did it seem that I found what I was searching for, the object of my quest would disappear, just out of my reach as I'd fall to the ground, sobbing out in despair. The emptiness I felt had become a permanent fixture in my life; it was the only thing I was sure would never leave, but at least feeling the pain let me know I was alive.

As I stirred and rolled over, I noticed it was light out, but I didn't know what time it was. I knew my parents had become increasingly worried about me. Wait, where was I? I wasn't in my bedroom. How did I get here and how long had it been? Was I so lost in my head that I'd become unable to find my way out, back to reality? It wasn't until I heard a soft, sweet, reassuring voice, one I recognized, did I open my eyes.

"Bella?"

"Dr. Weiner?" I mumbled.

"That's right, honey," she replied. "Can you sit up?"

It took me a minute to understand what she'd said; seeing my pediatrician from Phoenix confused me. As I started to sit up, I got dizzy and nearly fell back, but the gentle hands of my doctor caught me, supporting me.

"Do you know where you are?" she asked, looking concerned.

I glanced around the room. It seemed familiar, but I couldn't place it. I tried to remember, but my brain was foggy. "No," I replied.

"What's the last thing you do remember?" she asked apprehensively.

"I'm not sure," I said quietly. I felt like I'd just failed some really important test, but I couldn't tell what was a dream and what was reality.

"Do you remember living with your grandparents?"

"Yes. My mom and I lived with them when my dad was away; Charlie's in the Army," I said confidently.

Suddenly, I heard someone let out a breath and I realized I was not alone with Dr. Weiner. As I looked around, I recognized my mother and father, as well as my grandparents.

"Do you remember moving away?" she asked.

I thought for a minute before answering, "We moved to Germany when I was seven." I started shaking, but I didn't know why. I pulled my knees up against my chest and wrapped my arms around my legs, securing them to my body as I rested my chin on my knees. Dr. Weiner looked over at my parents before returning her gaze to me.

"Do you remember anything else about Germany?"

I knew there was something I should've remembered, but it wouldn't come to me, although something else did. "Oh! I remember my friend, Betty."

Dr. Weiner smiled kindly at me, rubbing my back gently before she asked, "Do you remember leaving Germany?"

"Yes, after a New Year's Eve party. We moved the next day. I was ten."

Dr. Weiner seemed to relax a little before asking me the next question. "Where do you live now?"

That was easy because now I knew where I was – in my bedroom at my grandparents' house. "In Phoenix. We came back after we left Germany." I was quite proud of myself. Things had started making sense, but as I looked at the faces of my doctor and family, grim expressions came over their faces.

"What? Did I say something wrong?"

Dr. Weiner shook her head. "Everything's fine, Bella. Do you feel tired? Hungry?"

Before I could answer, I yawned. "Tired."

"How about some water?" she asked, handing me a glass.

I didn't feel thirsty, but decided to have some anyway and was surprised when I emptied the entire glass. I wiped the back of my hand across my mouth as a few drops trickled down my chin before putting my head on the pillow. I was still awake when I head Dr. Weiner's voice as she spoke with my parents.

"I don't think there's any permanent damage; her mind seems to have repressed the traumatic events that occurred over the past six years. It's her body's way of coping with too much stress. She also seems exhausted even though you said she sleeps all the time. From what you've described, she could be experiencing night terrors. Let her sleep; hopefully she'll get some rest. I'll stop by and check on her again in a few days, but in the meantime, call me if you need anything. Make sure she stays hydrated and that she eats a little something every few hours."

"She's been through so much in such a short period of time." I recognized my mother's voice; she sounded so worried.

"She'll be okay, Renee," my dad said. "She's a Swan; we're strong and resilient. She just needs time."

I wasn't sure what they were talking about. I tried to remember but it seemed whatever it was I may have forgotten was hidden deep in my brain. My chest started to feel heavy, although I didn't understand why. I didn't want to hear anymore so I pulled the covers over my head as I dozed off.

The next time I woke up, I heard my parents arguing with my grandparents. It seemed like my mom and dad wanted to leave and my grandparents wanted them to stay. Why would we move? Hadn't we always lived with my grandparents? My head started hurting so I turned over, trying to get comfortable, when I heard my grandmother's voice; was she shouting?

"Why? You don't need to go back there. You can stay here. We'll build the addition we've discussed before. It'll be like you have your own place. You don't have to leave."

I was surprised when my grandfather spoke; he was usually so quiet. "Didn't you hear the doctor? She's blocked out everything. Her mind needs to heal; she's been through too much. Going back can't be a good idea."

"Maybe they're right," my mother conceded. She must've been talking to my father. "Before we moved away everything was fine but now. . ."

"Do you think hiding the truth from her will help? She may not need to go back today or tomorrow, but she will go back before school starts. You can't run away from these kinds of things, Renee. Bella can't hide from her past. Eventually it will catch up with her and then what?"

I could tell my dad was angry but I didn't understand why; what had I forgotten? Then suddenly it was there, well not all of it, but enough that it took me by surprise and I let out a scream so loud I nearly fell off the bed with fright.

Instantly my family was at my side.

"What's wrong?" Charlie asked, concern and worry evident in his eyes as he put his arms around me.

"Chris," I whispered.

"What do you remember?" Renee asked.

As soon as I'd said his name the pain in my chest clawed its way to the surface, a pain that took my breath away. "He's dead," I replied, the memory of him on the floor of the basketball court flooding through my mind.

"Carolyn." Saying the name of my best friend out loud sent another wave of panic through me – she had left me, too. I wanted, no, needed the agony to stop. I closed my eyes, desperately trying to find a place to hide in my head. I didn't want to remember anymore, and yet I was sure there was more.

"What," I croaked out the word. "What else happened?"

My parents looked at each other, unsure of how to answer. They both spoke at the same time, although their words were not the same.

"Nothing, there's nothing else," my mother replied.

"You were abducted," was my father's answer.

Upon hearing Charlie's words, I pressed the palms of my hands against my eyes as the tears began to fall. I wanted to faint, to fall into the darkness, to escape the torment which I had experienced so many times in the past; I prayed for oblivion – anything was better than the excruciating memories consuming me. But this time I couldn't escape the waves of pain and misery, the tsunami of anguish that swallowed me, completely pulling me under as I remembered him – Edward.

**-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o**

I didn't recall much about the summer months after Carolyn moved away; June, July and August seemed to disappear like they never existed at all. Apparently time passes, even when it seems impossible, even for me.

When I finally came out of the haze I'd been in, I noticed how empty our house looked; there were boxes stacked everywhere. Were we moving? I didn't remember hearing my parents talk about it, but then again, I didn't even remember getting up in the morning or going to bed at night.

I didn't want to go to high school with the same kids, the ones who knew about Carolyn and Chris. I wanted a fresh start, but I didn't dare make that wish, and I'd never told my parents. I didn't want them to move because of me.

Charlie had originally planned on remaining in the Army for thirty years so he had five years left. We'd already spent four and a half years in Arizona, so Charlie must've received new orders. It was the first time I hadn't felt mind-numbing pain in months and while I wasn't happy, at least I'd get to start high school somewhere new. Maybe if I could get a fresh start maybe, just maybe, I'd _want_ to make new friends. Probably not, but you never knew what the future held. All I knew was that I needed a change, any change.

When I finally thought to ask my parents what was happening, I was shocked by the news.

"You're what?" To say I was surprised was an understatement.

"I've decided to retire," Charlie said sadly. I was sure he didn't really want to retire.

"No, you can't give up your career for me." I couldn't let my father throw away everything he'd worked so hard for over the years.

"Bells, it's time," Charlie said reluctantly, with sorrow in his eyes.

"Please, I'll get better, I promise. Daddy, don't ruin everything because of me." I tried to convince him to stay, that I'd be okay. We could just move to a new Army base. There wasn't a reason for him to stop doing what he loved.

"No, Isabella. Nothing is more important to me than you and your mother. And, believe me, your mother has been waiting years for me to retire; I'm not doing this for you." My father could be a stubborn man and once he made up his mind, the decision was final. I guess I knew where my stubborn streak came from.

Eventually, I gave up arguing and asked where we were moving; I was definitely not prepared for the answer.

"Forks, Washington," my mother replied. She didn't seem happy about the choice, but I guess she liked it better than another Army installation.

I decided to research exactly where it was we were moving and I couldn't have been more disappointed. Of all the places in the entire United States we could go, my parents chose to move to a small town in the middle of nowhere. There were a little more than three thousand people and everybody knew your name, literally. The people had probably grown up together, known each other all their lives and now I would be the new girl, unable to avoid detection. I would've rather stayed in Arizona. Seems I was going from one kind of hell to another. Lucky me.

Forks, Washington was green, really green and the polar opposite of Arizona. What had my parents been thinking when they decided to move to such a cold, wet place? Had they forgotten how much I hated, detested, being the focus, the center of attention? I wanted to crawl back into my hole; I didn't want to exist, I only wanted to avoid detection. But that didn't happen.

Later I learned that my dad knew a man named Billy Black when they were at West Point; they'd graduated together and kept in touch over the years. It was through Billy that Charlie learned about the job opening. The Fork's Chief of Police was retiring and with my dad's background and all his military experience, he was exactly what the City was looking for, although I didn't understand why. How much crime could there be in such a tiny place?

My dad said that his friend had been hit by a drunk driver right after graduation and had become temporarily paralyzed as a result although he had learned how to walk again. However, if that weren't bad enough, Billy's father died shortly after the accident so while Charlie began his military career, Billy returned home to be near his mother in Forks. Well, that wasn't exactly true. Billy was a Quileute Indian and lived on the reservation right outside of Forks. Billy was married with three children, twin daughters and a son. Later I overheard my dad tell Renee that Billy was back in a wheelchair due to complications from diabetes.

We arrived in Forks only a few days before the start of the school year. Although I'd handled being the new kid in Germany, it was much more awkward being the only new kid, ever. When I'd thought these kids had known each other for years, I'd been wrong. Their families had known each other _forever_. Could my luck get any worse?

There seemed to be a few nice kids at Forks High School, but I didn't want any new friends. I didn't want to get to know anyone. I didn't want to hang out on the weekends and although I was polite, I didn't go out of my way to be friendly. After a while, everyone got the idea that I was a loner and left me to myself.

My mother tried to celebrate my fifteenth birthday, but I flatly refused. There would be no more celebrations for me. No more happiness. No more friends. I would not open myself up to anyone ever again. If I kept myself locked up tight, no one could get in and hurt me. That was how I planned on surviving.

Not too long after we arrived in Forks, we were invited to the Black's house for dinner. I wasn't really excited about it, but I'd gotten good at making small talk so I could survive one evening, just one.

The Blacks were a nice family. Rebecca and Rachel were a little more than a year older than me while their brother was about two years younger. The girls were shy, keeping mostly to themselves, so that left me with Jacob. He was a nice enough kid, but we didn't have much in common. My mind immediately returned to Chris. When he'd turned fifteen, I had been thirteen; what had he possibly seen in me? I wrapped my arms around my chest as I felt the pain return, the anguish which erupted and burned me from the inside out. I hoped Jacob wouldn't notice the change in my behavior, I tried to be inconspicuous.

_Idiot, _I told myself. Of all the places to have another attack, it would have to be at a stranger's house where I couldn't hide. Great, just great.

Of course, Jacob did notice. "What's the matter?"

"Indigestion," I replied. It was the first thing that came to my mind, but I could tell by the expression on his face he didn't buy it; at least he let it go, not pressuring me for a better answer.

I existed, but that was all. I had, however, thrown myself into my school work and earned straight A's. I thought my parents would've been proud. It was the first time I'd earned perfect grades for an entire semester and I had all honor classes to boot. But as Charlie and Renee looked over my report card, they just shook their heads.

"What?" I asked frustrated. "I can't do any better; I can't take harder classes. What do you want from me?"

"It's not your grades or your classes that concern us, Isabella," Charlie said scowling.

"Then what do you want? What _do_ you expect?" The semester was over, I was on Christmas break and ever since the first day of school nearly four months ago, I hadn't been late or absent. My grades were perfect, my room was clean, and all the chores in the house were always done. I'd even cooked dinner twice a week. I did everything that was asked of me and then some. What was their problem?

"You don't _do _anything, that's the problem. We thought moving would help, allow you to meet new kids, make new friends. But all you do is go to school and mope in your room. Haven't you met any nice kids?" my father asked frustration evident in his voice.

"I don't mope," I replied angrily. I'd tried very hard to keep a smile on my face when I was home. Apparently my parents weren't fooled.

"We miss our Bella," my mother said sadly. "You," she said as she placed her hand over mine, "seem so lifeless. All the happiness is gone from your eyes; they don't sparkle like they used to."

What my mother said hurt because I'd really tried, but how could they expect me to feel the same, act the same, with everything I'd been through. I didn't like it, but I could see the pain in their faces. They missed the girl I'd been. In truth, I missed her, too.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly. That's when Charlie's fist slammed down on the dining room table.

"That's it!" he shouted. "You need some help."

"Help?"

"After what happened in Germany, your mother and I talked to someone. That person helped us. I'm sure talking would help you, too."

"And maybe it wouldn't help one single bit." I said sarcastically. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I wasn't surprised that my mother had been to counseling, but my father? Charlie Swan? He didn't seem like the type, but it didn't matter. Talking with someone about Carolyn and Chris might've helped, but I'd never be able to tell anyone about Tanya and the Cullens, so what was the point?

"Bella, just think about it," my mother said sadly.

"Look," I said sharply. "I'll try to make more friends, new friends, okay?"

"That would be nice," my father said. "But we only want you to do it if it will make you happy. We don't want you to try harder to please us."

My father was going to make me crazy, if I wasn't already. "I don't understand what you want me to do. First you're angry because you don't think I'm being social enough and when I tell you I'll try harder, you tell me to do whatever makes me happy. What if I don't know how to be happy anymore?" Just then the tears began to fall; how I hated crying, especially in front of my parents.

I shoved myself away from the dinner table as I said, "I'm going to my room. _That_ makes me happy." I didn't hear from Renee or Charlie for the rest of the evening.

While most of my nights were still filled with one type of nightmare or another, once in a blue moon I'd get a reprieve, if you could call it that. Those would be the nights I dreamed of Edward, but instead of him leaving me, he'd stay. Instead of him being a grown up and I a child, we were the same age. We'd have picnics or go for walks in the park. Sometimes we'd just sit together in my bedroom talking and laughing. Some mornings I'd wake up so sure my dreams had been real, but of course they weren't. That would've been crazy – I would be crazy. And although I was sure I'd taken at least one step off the deep end, I wasn't so far gone that I'd actually believe that Edward could truly love me or that one day we'd be together. But I'd happily take those fantasies over the hell my dreams usually were any day.

Days turned into nights. Then the sun would rise and another day would dawn. That was the cycle of my life. I told my parents about some of the kids at school, pretending to have friends so they left me alone. I continued to get perfect grades, I was becoming a really good cook and the entire house was always spotless. I guess Charlie and Renee decided they could do worse than having me for a daughter. I knew they wanted more for me; I was only going through the motions of life, not really living, but that was the best I could do for now.

It surprised me one morning when I woke up and realized it was the very last day of school. Again. I'd just finished my first year of high school in Forks, Washington of all places. Maybe, just maybe, I'd be okay. Who was I kidding – maybe Charlie and Renee, but certainly not myself. With the nightmares, the loneliness and my determination to never get close to anyone ever again, I'd never be 'okay'; I'd be lucky if I merely survived the next three years and even that was proving to be a challenge. The only time I felt alive was when Edward was with me in my dreams, when he'd stay and since that was fantasy, a stupid crazy delusion, I knew I had no hope of ever really living, ever truly feeling alive again.

**-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o**

**EPOV**

Seeing Bella through Alice's vision had been horrifying. She had been curled up in a fetal position, sobbing unendingly, repeating over and over, "Chris is dead."

Upon my arrival back in Arizona I had discovered what had caused Chris's untimely death and while it was tragic, it was utterly incomprehensible that Bella could have such bad luck. How could one child experience so many tragedies and continue living without losing her mind?

It had seemed that from a very early age, Bella had been surrounded by a series of unfortunate events beginning with her mother's lack of attentiveness. Then, of course, there had been my own bloodlust which nearly ended Bella's precious life and Tanya's colossal lack of judgment when she abducted Bella. If that were not bad enough, my family had developed a bond with Bella, the impact of which seemed to have long-lasting effects on all concerned, including her. And although we had successfully returned Bella to her parents, by doing so we had forced her away from us, permanently, which seemed to have been more difficult for the precious child than any of us had ever considered.

For a short period of time Bella had stopped calling out for Alice and me while she slept, but more recently her cries and pleas had begun again in earnest, her dreams seeming to torment her once more. I had thought by removing ourselves from her life, she would remain safe, happy, human. It had been the only logical step, but there was a part of me, the more selfish part, that wondered if it would not have been better had she learned of our secret and become one of us.

_Finally, he speaks the truth._

No, why had I just had those thoughts? What was the matter with me?

_You care for her._

Of course I had feelings for Bella, but not in the way Emmett had previously suggested. He had insinuated that because Bella had gotten older, perhaps my feelings for her had changed, but Bella was still only fourteen.

_When are you going to admit your true feelings?_

As I pondered on my feelings for Bella, I was surprised that the thoughts did not distress me quite as much as in years past; yet, even if I had been human, it would have been inappropriate for a seventeen year old to take an interest in such a young girl. Emmett had been wrong – he thought my feelings for Bella had changed; but they had not and they never would.

_She'll continue to age, grow. She'll be seventeen soon enough._

It did not matter how much time passed; while my body would never be anything more than that of a seventeen year old adolescent, I had existed so much longer. I was one hundred years old, too old for Bella; always too old for Bella.

_That's ludicrous. Carlisle is how much older than Esme?_

It was not the same; it did not matter. I refused to believe my feelings for Bella were anything other than that of a caretaker. It was incomprehensible to think otherwise.

_Then why did Rosalie's words have such an impact on you?_

Rosalie did not understand; she only resented Bella because Bella was human. But had she been correct? Were my actions silly? Ridiculous? Selfish? I sighed. I had no more answers now than I had when I first met Bella at the airport. Well, if I were honest, my bloodlust was the answer at that first meeting; there had not been any confusion concerning my intentions that day. I shuddered at those thoughts. It was incomprehensible to me now that I could have ever even thought of harming her. Then upon learning about the abduction, I had become determined, certain to never physically harm her and I had never wavered in that conviction. I was meant to protect her, pure and simple.

_You talk in circles. You make no sense. You've known the answer for years. You're just afraid to admit it._

None of it mattered for I would never condemn Bella to this existence; I wanted, no – _needed_, for Bella to have every possible human experience. But even in a life or death situation there was no possible way that turning her into a vampire would be the only option. Becoming a vampire would never be the only solution to any problem. There always had to be other choices for my very human Bella.

_Are you certain? What if she found out your secret? Are you truly prepared for her to die?_

Preposterous. Bella would never see me again, let alone learn what I was. And even if somehow fate brought Bella to that realization of who and what I was, Bella would remain safe. I would find a way to protect her from the Volturi. She would never be in danger, ever.

A sudden movement of Bella's bed brought me out from my reverie. I froze, about to leave, when I realized she was only turning over, still sound asleep, her breathing slow and steady, as was the rhythm of her glorious heartbeat.

Through the many nights that I watched her sleep, Bella never seemed to get any real reprieve from her dreams. She was restless, often repeating the words her father had spoken to her, "Bells, Chris is dead." It pained me to watch her suffer and the night after she attended the boy's funeral had been the worse.

Although the day of his funeral service was not totally overcast, Alice had promised that by the time the service was nearing its end, the skies would be covered by clouds. I had truly wanted to be there for Bella the entire day, but it had not been possible. Upon my arrival I noticed the large crowd that gathered to give their condolences to Bella's friend and her parents. Although I had loathed him for drawing Bella into his heart, I realized as I listened to everyone's thoughts what a true friend he had been and how he had truly cared for her.

"_What a shock. I can't believe he's gone."_

"_We'd just been talking about the Christmas break. He was so excited to spend time alone with Bella."_

"_He's going to be missed on the team; he was a great player, but I know she'll miss him most."_

"_I've had plenty of girlfriends but never felt like he did for Bella; it's so sad."_

I wondered if he had ever exaggerated his behavior or his exploits to his friends, but none of their thoughts surrounding Bella were anything but kind. Apparently he had told his friends that Bella was too important to him to treat her in a disrespectful manner. It would seem that the incident in the park had changed him.

_He's not the only one._

I was not going to listen. I needed to focus on Bella, and I was surprised when Bella did not stand with Carolyn and her parents. Surely they knew how deeply Chris felt for her; but, I should have known that it was Bella's idea to give the family their own moment to say their last good-byes to their son and his friends. That was just the kind of selfless person Bella was.

"_I know why she's not with me, but I still think it's a mistake. There isn't a person here that didn't know how much my brother cared about my best friend. It doesn't seem right that she's standing off to the side."_ Now I understood why Carolyn and Bella had become such great friends, they both loved each other dearly, each worrying about the other, concerned for the other's needs more than their own.

"_We should leave. It's painful to watch her suffer, but there's nothing I can do. I've never been the best mother in the world, although I've tried more since… why did I have to be with Phil that night? I'm just so lucky that Charlie forgave me. I don't know what I would've done if he hadn't."_

I was fairly surprised by Renee's mental ramblings. Perhaps she finally understood some of her self-centered behavior which was the polar opposite of her daughter's tendencies. I wondered if Bella's behavior had been an unconscious desire to not be like her mother.

As I briefly focused on Carolyn's mental signature, I noticed that although she smiled at some of the girls who passed her by, she was not fooled by the smiles on their faces.

"_I can't believe what hypocrites they are. No one wants them here; Chris never even looked at them, let alone ever spoke to them and he certainly never liked any of them."_

As the girls passed by Carolyn without as much as a glance, it became apparent why she did not think much of them as the minds of those girls were full of disdain and bitterness.

"_What a shame. He was so hot. What did ever see in _her_?"_

"_I know he would've dumped her for me if he'd lived long enough. She's such a joke."_

"_I can't believe he's gone. He would've become such a jock and then dumped _her _for me."_

Anger filled me. They were so superficial, trivial, petty; nothing like my Bella. I finally understood why he had been taken by Bella; she was so unlike the other girls. Suddenly Carolyn was looking back at Bella at the exact moment she became physically ill.

"_Oh, Bella; she's so upset, but she tries to be strong for everyone else. We really need to get her home."_ Charlie realized a bit too late how much all of this was affecting his daughter.

Renee's mind was a mass of jumbled thoughts, not really making any sense, but it was Carolyn who was instantly at Bella's side, holding her while Bella wiped her mouth with a tissue.

"Oh my gosh! Are you okay?" Carolyn asked as she watched Bella carefully.

At that moment, Bella dropped to her knees. It was almost instinctual, the need to go to her, but I grasped onto a tree and dug my fingers into the bark as it crumbled under my grip; it took all the strength I had to remain hidden. My silent heart ached for her, my Bella, the only girl I would ever love, regardless of the role I would play in her life. I ached for the love I would never see in her eyes for she would never know how I felt and I ached for the loss she must have felt. I wanted to give her so much, and I was left with nothing. Would she ever recover from losing Chris?

_You need to go to her – she needs you._

I had learned to ignore the evil, vile, detestable being that resided deep within my core; it did not matter how much the monster tormented me, but it knew I had a much more difficult time when the abject creature played on Bella's needs. She did not need me, but she did need her friend. However, in true Bella fashion, she only thought of others as I heard her say, "Don't worry about me. I just couldn't stand another minute of the cheerleaders pretending to care about him. You know how he felt about them."

Her words seemed bitter and angry, so unlike the girl I had come to know. Carolyn seemed to pick up on it, as well.

"_I know she's right; those girls are awful, but I really need to go back to mom and dad. I hope she'll be okay."_

"I know," Carolyn said to Bella. "But we can't do anything about it. Will you be alright? I should probably get back."

"I'll see you at home later," Bella replied as she got up, waving good-bye as Charlie and Renee escorted her to their car.

Bella had a difficult time during the holidays as her parents forced her to Phoenix. She had not wanted to leave, but her parents insisted as they began to pack her things to leave. Bella remained in her bed, covering her face. I wanted to pull the covers away myself, I missed so much of her life that it pained me not to see her resplendent beauty. I was not sure how they would be able to convince her to go to her grandparent's house; she could be so stubborn, but that's when I heard Charlie as he pulled out all the stops.

"_I've had enough. I know she's suffering but staying in the house, in her bed, refusing to eat, or even shower is too much. If I request a transfer, then she'll have to get away from all this and maybe it will be easier on her. I know he was her first love, and it was tragic, but she's only fourteen."_

No sooner had Charlie made his decision that he told his wife and Bella of his plans. Those words made Bella sit up and, as her father hoped, she gave in and went to Phoenix for the holidays.

As Charlie had suspected, Bella did seem to get better during the daylight hours, but her nights remained excruciating to observe. She tossed and turned, threw her covers about and seemed to become increasingly exhausted each day as her nightmares took away her ability to rest. One night seemed particularly distressing and I wished with every ounce of my being that I knew what she was dreaming. It had started out as every other night, but then I heard her call out his name.

_Jealous of a dead boy?_

I was not jealous; I only wanted to ease Bella's suffering. I wanted to go to her as she cried out and yet all I could do was lurk in the shadows. But did I have to remain in the dark? What if I only sat on her bed? Could I be that close and not touch her? Would my being near her cause her to waken? I did not fear Bella finding me in her room; I could detect the changes to the pattern of her breathing and the rhythm of her heartbeat as she moved into a more conscious state of awareness. My fear was, and always had been, that if I got too wrapped up in Bella, I would not detect the subtle changes quickly enough and I could not always depend on Alice to save me from myself.

The first night I sat with Bella had been challenging, but my closeness did seem to bring her a minuscule amount of relief. It was not much, but I would take anything over nothing. Unfortunately after a while, either her nightmares became more intense or she had gotten used to my presence. My nearness no longer seemed to comfort her and that caused a pain to burn through me as I watched the terror she must have felt begin to take hold of her dreams once more. If only she would not dream, she would be alright.

_If she was like you, she would no longer sleep, let alone dream._

I closed my eyes, concentrating on her breathing, her heartbeat, as they seemed to settle down, but not before recognizing the aroma of her intoxicating elixir, her blood, which called to me as it had so long ago. I was unsure of what had changed as I once again felt the venom flow unrestricted in my mouth. What was happening to me? I was certain I did not want to drink her blood, I was not thirsty, and yet my body was instinctively reacting to her scent.

_You want to change her. She belongs to you, with you. _

No, that could not be possible. I would not drag her from one nightmare to another. I refused and with every bit of strength I had, I left Bella's side and ran the rest of the night through the barren wasteland of the desert.

I stayed away from Bella for a few days, hoping that the fresh air would help clear my head. The holidays were over and the Swans had left Phoenix. Bella would need to re-enter her life, begin school again and I was certain it would be challenging for her; she still seemed to clutch at her chest, wrapping her arms around herself often. If only I could know what was going on in that complex mind of hers, although I was fairly certain it was not pleasant. It almost seemed as if she were attempting to hold her sides together to prevent herself from falling apart, but of course that could not happen, so I was at a loss.

The day before school resumed was particularly difficult for Bella, and the night had not been much better. Wherever she thought she was, it must have made her feel cold as she reacted by shivering and pulling the covers securely around her body; whatever images were in her mind's eye must have been terrifying as her heart rate increased and her breathing became labored. Suddenly Bella was calling out my name, fear evident in her voice and I could no longer remain in the shadows.

I was at her side before consciously making the decision to do so, sitting on the edge of her bed, whispering in her ear telling her to come to me, that I would find her, keep her safe. She seemed to react to the sound of my voice as her tell-tale heart returned to its normal rhythm if only for a moment. I became quiet, trying to force myself away from her, back to the dark recesses where I belonged, when she called out my name once more.

"I'm here, Bella," I whispered. "I'll never leave you." I brushed the side of her cheek with my finger, feeling the tingling electricity which flowed between the coldness of my flesh and the warmth of her face. I immediately jerked my hand away, not wanting to disturb her any further, but unable to keep myself quiet as I moaned her name out loud. Suddenly her heart beat quickened, as the temperature of her body seemed to increase, causing beads of perspiration to appear on her skin. Unable to take my eyes off her and not truly aware of my surroundings, the vibration in my pocket took me by surprise as I leaped away from her bed and ran out of her room just as Bella shot up, sitting ramrod straight in her bed, shifting her body to the exact location which I had previously occupied.

I knew it had been wrong to go to her, but I had been unable to stop myself. The draw had been overwhelming, unlike anything I had ever experienced before. Although the venom had flowed, I knew I was not going to drink from her so what had caused it to happen?

_You need her._

I already knew that – I needed Bella just as flowers needed rain and humans needed air; but what made me react in such a fashion this time?

_You need her in so many other ways._

Not possible. Whatever my morbid, perverse inner demon was trying to force me to believe, it would never be so. And yet I could not deny the intense lure, pull, the hold Bella Swan had on me. I was losing my mind. I needed to run, to get away; I could not take a chance and remain near her if I was unable to maintain control.

I needed to run, far and fast, and that was precisely what I did.

I did not know where I was going or how long I would be gone, just that I needed to get away and this time, a few days would not be sufficient. I ran, avoiding all highways and roads, journeying through the desert alone, in despair, feeding on whatever I came across, not caring what it was. I traveled at night through Arizona and New Mexico, stopping only when necessary during sunny days, when I would hide in the shadows of any cave or cavern I could find before running again, always staying away from populated areas. I tried to think about anything, everything other than Bella, but the further I traveled away from her, the harder it was to keep her off my mind.

I ached when I was not around her. I was not even sure 'ache' was the correct word; the pain was prolonged, but it was far from dull. It was sharp, unending, long-lasting torment. Every step I took which led me away from Bella only increased the intensity of what I felt, but I could not remain near her if I could not prevent myself from making foolish mistakes. I would not put her life in jeopardy because of what I was – a monster. My pain would be worthwhile so long as I could prevent Bella from seeing me, learning what I was. I would suffer for her. No amount of misery would be too great to endure if it meant keeping Bella unharmed.

I had not made any conscious decision about the path I would traverse or the direction I would follow, as I found myself passing through the mountainous regions of Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama. Eventually I entered into Georgia and decided to continue my journey northward which only further intensified my agony. The pain was so massive that I was not sure how I remained upright, how I managed to put one foot in front of the other. The pain was dragging me down. I wanted with every fiber of my being to return to her, I needed her, I wanted her, but I was too afraid that I would lose control and keeping Bella alive was worth any sacrifice. The torment I experienced would be a small price to pay in order for Bella to retain her humanity.

_But what about her pain?_

There was no way her pain could compare to mine. Hadn't Carlisle told me about human love and vampire love and the difference between the two? Had he not said that humans were incapable of such intensity? So even if Bella thought she loved me, she would never suffer with my absence as I suffered in hers. What was I thinking? She did not love me – she had not even seen me in years. I was a fool.

_Yes, you are a fool. A fool to have run. A fool to deny your feelings. A fool to think you could live without Bella._

Yes, leaving had been foolish, but I had been unable to heal Bella's emotional wounds and alleviate the anguish she felt from the boy's passing. For all my strength, speed, mind-reading abilities, I had been unable to protect her from so many tragic events.

Bella did not need me – she was being cared for by her parents who could actually hold her and comfort her while I remained shrouded in darkness, useless. Ultimately, if needed, my family would protect her for I was certain that Alice would not allow anything to physically injure Bella. Her internal turmoil was another matter completely.

I should have been able to protect her, but my changing reactions to Bella's blood had terrified me and I would not take any chances with her life. And while I missed my family, I was truly not ready to answer their endless questions as to why I left, where I was going and when would I return.

In some ways running had always been quite invigorating, but more recently it had become tiresome so I decided to check out the possibility of renting a cabin high up in the mountains. There were many to choose from, but I finally came across one far away from civilization. Whoever had built that particular lodging must have required solitude while still desiring some amenities, because I found the one thing most important to me, a telephone.

After settling in, I knew I had to call my family and since I needed to confirm Bella's current situation, I gave in and phoned Alice.

"Well, it's about time," she said.

"Have you been waiting long?" I asked, snickering to myself.

"No, not really," Alice replied. "I had a general idea of where you were headed, but since you hadn't decided exactly what you wanted to do, I waited. Next time, well – there had better not be a next time, but if there is, at least stop somewhere and call us. You had to have known how worried we were about you."

"You knew where I was for the most part. There was no reason for you to worry."

"I, um, when are you coming home?" Alice was rarely, if ever, at a loss for words. What was she hiding?

"Alice –"

"Edward, why did you leave?"

Alice had to know why I left. Hadn't she called my phone that night when I was in Bella's room? Hadn't Alice been the one to jerk me out of my daze just before Bella woke up? What did she expect me to do? Stay? No, that was not possible and she knew that.

"I'm sorry, Alice, I truly am, but I just could not remain one moment longer."

"I know," she whispered softly. "Believe me, I really do understand."

Somehow I was sure that she did. "How is Bella?" I asked. "Have you seen her? Is she okay?" I could hear the tension in my voice as it spilled out

"Take it easy, Edward. She's doing as well as can be expected. Jasper and I took a short trip not long after you left to check everything out and collect your things from the hotel."

"Thanks, Alice. I didn't even think about the hotel until I was nearly through Texas and I was afraid to go back, afraid I would harm her if I went back."

"Do you truly believe you would've hurt her? You could never harm her, Edward. You have to know that." Sometimes Alice sounded so certain. I wished I could believe her.

"You don't know that, Alice. You can't be certain."

"Yes, Edward, I am certain. Positive in fact. There was only one time I thought you'd hurt her and you already know about that vision and you _didn't_ hurt her. Please stop agonizing over this and come home. When are you coming home? I can't get a clear picture because apparently you haven't decided yet."

"No, I haven't, as you well know. But I can't come back yet."

"Okay," Alice said with a sigh. "Will you be calling Carlisle?" she asked quietly.

"No, but please let everyone know I'm well. Oh, and tell Emmett that when I spent some time in the mountains I enjoyed a few black bears for him," I replied, chuckling.

"I will. Keep in touch and please don't be gone too much longer, okay, Edward?" I knew Alice missed me; I missed her as well, but I was not ready.

"Okay, Alice. I'll call again soon," and with that our conversation concluded.

I relished not running and enjoyed the shower. I decided to stay for awhile, hunting more often than I physically required as it somehow seemed to help fill the void I felt inside. Eventually, though, the restlessness returned and I knew I had to leave. There really was no reason to call Alice because she knew what I knew – that I would continue my journey north.

Although I was ready to begin my journey once again, I could not shake the feeling of dread that came over me. If I was so anxious, why didn't I stay?

_You miss Bella._

Yes, that was true, but there was no reason for me to return. I needed to go somewhere, do something and while hunting had never been a sport for me, perhaps if I allowed myself to be taken over by my instincts, I could temporarily not think about her or anything else for that matter. So instead of just running for the sake of running, I hunted, searched for bobcats, cougars and black bears – anything to take my focus away from Bella. I concentrated only on the kill, the need to drink, the dry burning in my throat, but no sooner as I had my fill, unable to force even one more fluid ounce inside my body did thoughts of Bella return in full force. How was I going to survive?

_You won't._

I could not think about it anymore; the anguish was too extreme. The only thing I could do was continue to run which was precisely what I did – all the way to Pennsylvania; however, upon my arrival I was unsure of which direction to continue. Should I head north to Canada or was I ready to go west to Oregon? To my family? I knew they would be happy if I returned, but was I ready? I pondered on all the months of running, of why I had left in the first place. All the seconds, minutes, hours and days of trying to stay away, doing what I thought was right, had it all been for nothing? No. It had made me realize that I could not live without her.

Everything came down to Bella and I knew I had no choice but to return to her. It was the thoughts of Bella which cemented my decision. No matter what struggle I had to overcome, regardless of the agony I had to bear, I knew I could no longer stay away from her. All the months of running away had made me realize that my only choice was the exact opposite. I needed to run toward her and somehow, some way I would remain in control; so I headed west and as I did, my pain began to subside.

We had not been in our home in Chicago since moving to Astoria so I decided to journey there first and check on our home before catching a flight from Chicago to Portland. My brothers had graciously agreed to pick me up at the airport and although I knew I would be getting an earful from them, I did not mind.

"_What's it with you and running, Edward? Do you have any idea how it upsets Alice?"_

Jasper, who usually took the time to calm me down, was rather agitated with me and I felt it. He would do just about anything for every member of the family unless we upset Alice. Although Alice and I were very close, much closer than I was with any of the rest of my siblings, I had not realized how my absence would affect her. She had Jasper, after all.

_You knew she missed you; you just didn't care._

Of course I cared. How could I not?

_You were more concerned about yourself than your family._

No, that was wrong. What could possibly cause me to push my family aside?

_You're selfish, just like Rosalie said. You were in so much pain without Bella that you didn't care about anyone but yourself. You didn't even care about Bella._

Impossible. Of course I cared about Bella. That's why I left. Wasn't it? Hadn't I done the right thing by leaving? Wasn't I protecting her from the greatest threat to her life – me? I was so confused.

"I'm sorry," I replied. "I thought that leaving was the right choice, the only option. I didn't mean to upset her or anyone else."

"_Why would you even say that, dude? You're part of the family, we didn't want you to leave, even if you _are _uptight and moody."_

I could always count on Emmett to get right to the point.

"Let's face it I've been the odd man out for quite some time. It's got to wear on you all having me around while everyone else, well, and it only makes matters worse that I can hear _everything _even when I do my best not to."

"_I thought it would have gotten better, you know, since you found Bella."_

And there it was again. Emmett really did not understand my relationship with her.

_Maybe he understands things better than you do._

That was why I ran. I had gotten tired of the constant struggle. I missed Bella terribly; the pain had been almost unbearable and it had been torture to be away from her. The only consolation had been that while I was gone I had not had to worry about losing control around her. I did not have to try to be something I was not.

_You're not human. You never will be. Why did you return?_

Why was I doing this to myself again? Where was the relief I felt upon reaching my decision to see Bella again?

_You felt relief when you gave yourself over to your instincts._

Yes, that was true. Maybe I was fooling myself. I was a monster, nothing had changed. I should never have returned. I could still go, maybe to Canada. All I deserved was to be the monster that I knew I was. I should have just given up and given in, accepted what I truly was.

_But you didn't really give in._

I would never return to _that _life. What was I doing? Maybe Alice had been right. Perhaps I was a masochist after all.

_You think?_

"You don't understand," I finally responded to Emmett. "What I feel for her is not the same as what you feel for Rosalie."

"_Don't you want to protect her?"_

"Yes, of course, but –"

"_Don't you miss her when she's not around?"_

"Yes, but –"

"_Don't you get all tingly inside when you're near her?"_

"Okay, that's enough," I would not listen to any more of Emmett's ramblings. He was getting out of hand and of course the carnal parasite within me jumped at the chance to participate in my conversation with Emmett.

_Why? Does the truth hurt?_

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose, a nervous habit I must have had as a human, but I needed to rid myself of the mental images that had started developing.

"_Edward, why did you run, anyway?"_

Jasper deserved an answer and a part of me wanted to hear my brothers' unique perspectives on why they thought I ran and what would have caused me to leave, but I was not entirely ready for that conversation. Yet, I did not feel I could talk to Alice and I was almost afraid to speak with Carlisle. So it was my brothers that I turned to as I began to explain what had happened the night I first sat on her bed, how I talked with her, whispering in her ear and how her body seemed to react to the sound of my voice. I told them that when she had called out my name the second time, I promised her that I would never leave.

"_So why did you leave?"_ Emmett inquired.

"Let me finish," I replied, feeling a bit exasperated. "Just as I touched her cheek, I felt something akin to an electrical current flow between us."

"_As agitated as I am with Edward, if I don't calm him down soon, there will be two of us in great need to be placated. After how he made Alice feel, I would have preferred to let him suffer a little longer, but he's too overwhelming. I guess being alone didn't help much; he's still so uptight."_

I felt calm come over me, thankful that Jasper had aided me once again as the agitation I felt began to subside, although I couldn't help but think about what I had just heard from Jasper. It was true, being alone had not changed anything. So had my leaving served any purpose? I heard Jasper again, only this time I knew he had meant for me to answer him.

"_You touched her while she slept? Edward, you're taking quite a risk." _

Jasper, always thinking like a military man, did not understand how I could have let my defenses down and allowed myself to become so vulnerable.

"That was not the worst of it, I'm afraid," I said, staring down at the floor. "What shocked me the most was that the venom started to flow even though I _knew _I was not going to drink from her; I was not tempted in the least to taste her blood. I did not understand what was happening. I got scared and left."

"_Even if he didn't want to drink, how did he stop from biting her? I could never be that strong. Wait – did he want to bite her?"_

Of course I did not want to bite her. What was Jasper thinking? Was he trying to be logical about my experience, because it was anything but that. I did not think he intended for me to listen, so I did not respond, although I was not sure what I would say anyway. Emmett's thoughts on the other hand were quite unusual.

"_I know he rarely, if ever, takes me serious, but I think I may be the only one in the family who recognizes what's happening or maybe the only one _willing _to tell him."_

"Any ideas?" As soon as I asked the question, I was afraid of getting a response, so I tried not to listen to their thoughts.

_You already know the answer._

Jasper and Emmett glanced at each other before Jasper shook his head no and Emmett looked around as if he had not heard me.

"I'm trying not to hear what you're thinking," I said. "I'm not sure I want to know what's in your heads, but since I asked, if you've got something to say, please, by all means, share."

Jasper still remained silent as he tried not to think of anything, but I knew Emmett could not remain quiet much longer.

"Seriously, Edward, think about it. You can't stay away from her, you talk with her while she sleeps, you couldn't keep yourself from touching her and you feel sparks when your skin makes contact with hers, and if you really don't want to drink her blood and the venom still flowed, why do you think that happened? You're a smart guy, just unwilling to accept what's right in front of your face. Do I really have to spell it out for you?"

What was he saying? Could it be possible? Had I been fooling myself all along? No, I refused to believe it. Bella could not possibly be the one I had been waiting for. She could not be my mate. I could not take away her life for my own selfish needs. Impossible.

_Did it ever occur to you that she may have felt something as well?_

"You can't be serious, Emmett," I replied, as a feeling of what must be similar to nausea in humans swept over me.

"_Suit yourself, Eddie. I just call it as I see it."_

Fortunately we were pulling into the driveway so the conversation was concluded. I did not expect and was not prepared for the vision I received from Alice as soon as I stepped through the door.

"Alice, what was that?"

"Bella," Alice replied, quietly. "I see her lying in bed, not moving, not eating, nothing. I don't know if she's injured from an accident or what. I only know she's there, still, silent. Oh, Edward, I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault," I said hastily. "I should not have been gone so long. I'm going to grab a few things and drive straight there. How long ago did you have the vision? Do you have any time reference?"

"It happened just as you arrived, but I'm not sure when it's actually going to happen. Perhaps we should come with you," Alice said. She was so distraught but it was not her fault, it was mine. If I had been able to control myself, I would have remained in Arizona.

I drove as fast as possible, pondering on what had occurred to Bella during my absence. The drive of a little more than sixteen hundred miles did not take very long, however, every minute away from Bella was one minute too many.

_Now you figure that out? After you've been gone for months? You're such a fool._

For once the monster was right. I was a fool for ever leaving Bella.

_I was right only once? I don't think so._

I was not going to have a debate just then, maybe later. No, not even later. I already knew how I felt about Bella and right now I just needed to get to her to try to make things better. When I finally arrived, I left the car in the hotel parking garage and ran to Bella's home. What I saw through her parents' minds was almost too much as they watched their beautiful daughter wave good-bye to her best friend before collapsing in the yard.

"_I've tried to understand what they're going through,"_ Charlie thought. _"But a little warning may have been nice in the circumstances. I'm not sure how long it's going to take her to recover from another loss."_

"_My sweet girl,"_ Renee pondered. Images of Bella sitting around in a daze looking off into the distance before going into her room and crying herself to sleep was all Renee could think of.

Could I have prevented this? No, once again even if I had remained, I would have been unable to stop Bella's friend from moving away. My inability to help Bella was becoming increasingly frustrating. I felt the anger begin to fill me. How could her friend abandon her? I wanted to harm every person who had ever caused Bella pain, anguish, despair.

_Perhaps you should begin with yourself._

Now was not the time as I heard Bella's parents discussing their plans to take Bella to her grandparents' home for the summer. Perhaps they were correct and that a change in scenery would be good for Bella, but somehow I knew she would not recover from her physical suffering quite that easily. Unfortunately, I was right.

I watched as Bella remained in a stupor before her family decided to call their friend and Bella's pediatrician. The doctor had been able to engage Bella in enough of a conversation to determine that Bella had suffered from a case of amnesia as her body attempted to cope with all that she had endured over the past eight years, beginning with her move to Germany and away from her home in Phoenix. It seemed that everything that had taken place since then was securely locked away, unable to torment her, at least for the time being.

Eventually, however, Bella remembered each and every tragic occurrence and with those memories, the misery returned. There was a struggle between her parents and grandparents, although they all only wanted what was best for Bella, as did I, but they seemed as conflicted as I was. In some small way, odd way that actually gave me some comfort. Apparently I was not the only one at a loss when it came to Bella.

"_What can I do? If I transfer, Renee will stay with her parents and I don't want to be away from her and Bella again. If I retire, we can move away together. Maybe the position in Forks is still open. Being the Chief of Police in a small town couldn't be that bad. Hmm, maybe that'll work." _

Forks? Wasn't that the name of a small town in Washington State? On the Olympic peninsula, one of the most overcast places in the U.S.? And he was thinking of relocating there? Could that be possible? Would the Swans finally move somewhere I could actually go out with little or no worry about the weather? Were the Fates finally smiling on me without laughing? I did not understand the elation I felt at that moment but it was real, exciting, invigorating. I knew we were nearing the end of our stay in Astoria; in truth, we had stayed a bit too long already. I didn't usually care where we went, but now I needed to talk to Carlisle before a decision was made. I needed to know for a certainty that the Swans would move to Forks. I could feel my frozen heart expand with – what was I feeling? Desire? No.

_Yes._

Bella moving to Forks would make watching her so much easier, and what could go wrong there, anyway? Such a small, quiet town, but what about the wolves? I did not think there were any around. The last time we had lived in Hoquiam, they had existed, but as far as Carlisle knew, none of the Quileute Indian boys had transformed in many, many years. Bella would be safe. I only hoped that she would stay away from the reservation, just in case.

It did not take long for Charlie to turn in his retirement papers and in light of the extenuating circumstances surrounding his daughter, he had been able to cut through the usual red-tape involved. As the Swans were making their preparations to move, I decided it was time for me to speak with Carlisle about our pending relocation.

Upon my arrival back in Astoria, I went directly to Carlisle; fortunately he had just returned from a shift at the hospital and was in the living room with Esme.

"_Edward, it's so good to see you. It seems you're never home anymore," _Esme thought as she smiled. _"Although when you return from seeing Bella, you seem different, happy?"_

Conflicted – yes? Agonized – yes? Confused – certainly, but happy? She was mistaken.

_Are you sure? Perhaps you're once again denying the truth because you're a coward._

Fortunately my own thoughts were interrupted by Carlisle.

"_Edward, we were just discussing our next move and although we'd previously thought about Seattle, I'm not sure that's where we'd really like to go. Do you have any ideas?" _I was certain Alice had said something to Carlisle, otherwise, why would he have suddenly changed his mind?

"Alice –"

"_Yes, she's already told us that Bella's family was moving to Forks and that you wanted to be close to her." _Carlisle was smiling.

I should have known Alice would be involved and of course I heard my sister before I saw her. _"Edward! I'm so glad you're home. What to do you think about Sequim? It's right near the Olympic National Park so we'll have great hunting opportunities and you can dock your boat at the John Wayne Marina right in Sequim; I know how much you love boating and you haven't had the opportunity to do so in quite some time. And best of all, I can shop in Vancouver – I haven't been there in what seems like forever! We could have so much fun."_ Alice could barely contain her excitement and her idea was not bad at all.

There was a hospital in Port Angeles where Carlisle could obtain employment, but best of all, Sequim was less than seventy-five miles from Forks. Esme had already begun looking for homes in the area and had found several to visit in the next few days; the one she was favoring was a five bedroom, six bath home consisting of 15,000 square feet sitting on seven acres of property which was flanked on one side by the Dungeness River and on another by a beautiful forest. None of us were ever concerned because Esme had a flair for finding the perfect domicile and for turning every house we owned into a true home.

It was comforting to know that the family was willing to relocate to Sequim for my benefit as it was far enough away from Seattle that we would still be able to move there in a few years if we so desired and yet near enough to be close to Bella. Before long, Carlisle advised that he in fact had been offered a position at the Olympic Medical Center in Port Angeles only about sixteen miles away from Sequim. Everything would have seemed perfect if not for Rosalie.

"_I can't believe we are moving to yet another hole in the wall. I was so looking forward to living in Seattle, but it appears that once again my selfish brother got his wish. Why does Carlisle cater to him? Maybe it's time for Emmett and me to move away for a while. Oh, probably not. Emmett enjoys living with the family much more than I. Well, I'll at least have to discuss it with him. Sometimes I truly dislike Edward."_

I could not fault Rosalie for her feelings. It was very true that we were moving to Sequim because it was what I needed.

_Yes, once again Rosalie proves how selfish you really are._

It was almost ironic that Rose should call me selfish even if were true. It was the pot calling the kettle black.

It did not take long for us to take up our new residence and even less time for it to feel like home although I did not remain long. I had barely unpacked and gotten settled before leaving to find Bella in Forks.

I arrived at Bella's home on her birthday only to observe that she did not seem happy about the move, and she refused to celebrate her fifteenth birthday. Renee had done her best to sway Bella, but to no avail. It distressed me greatly that she did not believe her birthday was worth celebrating, because to me, no day was more important and worthy of celebration than the day my beautiful Bella was born. No sooner had I thought those words did my inner demon comment on the fact that Bella was not really mine, and yet for some reason, this time, I wanted to refute the monster. How did he know she was not mine? After all, she had never really gotten to know me. The last time she had seen me, she was not quite nine years old and now she was fifteen. Could Emmett be right? No, that was still too difficult to imagine, but if so, why did the thoughts continue to invade my mind?

Bella was still having nightmares and it was apparent to me that she had lost weight, but the move and change in scenery seemed to help her come to terms with her losses, even if only a small bit. Bella did not seem to make friends at school, preferring instead to remain alone and unlike Carolyn, none of the superficial girls at the school made any attempt to break down the walls Bella had built up. I had noticed the boys, and their thoughts were infuriating at best, but Bella did not have any trouble pushing them away as well. Her loneliness plagued me, but I had no idea on what could be done.

_She needs you._

I knew I needed her, and of course I wanted to alleviate her suffering, but I did not know how.

_Introduce yourself to her. She's fifteen now._

There was nothing more that I wanted than to show myself to Bella, but it was apparent from her dreams that she remembered me and if I re-introduced myself to her, would she remember everything? Would she truly recognize me? A part of me wanted exactly that, but how would she explain to herself why I did not appear any older? That brought me back to my dilemma – if Bella discovered what I was, it would, in one way or another, end her human life and I could not allow that.

One evening Charlie advised Renee and Bella that they would have dinner with one of Charlie's friends from West Point.

"We're having dinner on Saturday with an old friend of mine and his family," Charlie said.

I could see from Renee's thoughts that Bella had kept her head down, continuing to push the food around her plate, not really listening to her father. Renee on the other hand seemed excited.

"_Oh, thank goodness. I don't know why I allowed Charlie to convince me that a small town would be good for Bella. This place is driving me crazy. Nothing to do and the weather, ugh, it's just horrendous. Yet, Charlie seems to have settled in nicely and at least he's home. It will be nice to meet his friend's family. Perhaps his wife and I will get along. It would be nice to have a woman to talk with again."_

As Renee rambled on, I could tell that she missed her friend, Carolyn's mother, very much. I doubted Bella had even considered the impact Chris's death had on her entire family which was surprising because Bella typically thought of everyone besides herself. Of course she had been too consumed by her own grief to think about anyone else.

Finally Charlie spoke again and what I heard was shocking to say the least.

"I haven't seen Billy Black in years, but we've kept in touch which was how I learned about the job opening. He's married with three children, twin daughters and a son. Bella, I think you'll get along really well with his kids."

Black – that name sounded familiar. Could Billy Black be a descendant of Ephraim Black, the man with whom Carlisle made the peace treaty? It seemed reasonable to assume they could be related, and if so how? Was the exact nature of the relationship important? It had been years since we lived in Hoquiam and we had not been back since the late 1930s; was it possible that the Quileute Indian boys were still morphing into wolves as was the case when we last lived in the area? If Charlie Swan's friend was indeed a descendant of Ephraim Black, we would need to find out whether or not the wolves still existed. All of this was just too unbelievable for words. I had to speak to Carlisle. Would any of this have an impact on my relationship with Bella?

_What relationship?_

I ignored the endless annoying chatter in my head and ran back to Sequim, hoping with each stride that Carlisle would be home. I called the house and Alice answered. I wondered if she had already seen what happened and if so, why would she have kept it from me?

"Edward, Carlisle is here and I've already spoken to him. He's waiting for you in his study."

"Alice, did you see this happening?"

"It was one of several possibilities, yes, but I wasn't sure until Charlie made the decision to move to Forks. I'm sorry, Edward. It didn't occur to me that their friendship could be a potential problem; I didn't realize who Charlie's friend was and even if I had known, I've only ever heard about the treaty and the wolves. Are you sure there even are wolves? I haven't seen any in my visions, but I don't suppose they'd be transforming around Bella or her family any way."

"I don't know if the boys are still transforming; that's what I need to discuss with Carlisle. If they are, that would be quite dangerous for Bella and her family. What if they fill her head with their legends and lore? How will I ever have an opportunity to meet her again?"

"I didn't realize you wanted that opportunity. Did you just make that decision?"

I had slipped up and Alice had caught me. Although I had tried to fight it, I was beginning to understand that my feelings for Bella were more than I was originally willing to admit to myself even though nothing had changed. Perhaps, we could be friends – wait, what was I saying? There was no way.

"Edward, it's all changed. What are you thinking?"

"Not now, Alice. I'll be there soon to talk with Carlisle. We'll see how the future looks after I speak with him."

"I'll see you soon."

I could not help but wonder what Alice had in mind; then I heard Carlisle as I approached his study.

"_Welcome home, son. What can I do for you?"_

"Didn't you speak with Alice?"

"_Yes, but I'm not exactly sure what you want to know. We can't stop Bella from meeting the Black family but I'm not sure it even matters until we can determine if the family members are in fact descendants of Ephraim Black. If they are, we'll need to find out if the gene which allows the transformation to occur is dormant or remains active. For all we know, the gene may have died out with Ephraim Black. In either case, I'm sure Bella will be safe – she will be with her parents after all. Bella will be fine."_

"How can we find out about the wolves? I couldn't live with myself if something happened to Bella." I had been unable to prevent the death of one of her friends or the loss of yet another. I would not allow harm to come to Bella over the wolves. I would fight to the death to protect her from them. I tried to remain calm but just the thought of violence befalling her brought panic in my chest as I felt anxiety begin to take over. Almost instinctively, I pinched the bridge of my nose. What good was I to Bella?

"_Edward, calm down. We'll try to reach out to our nomad friends. Perhaps they would have heard rumors concerning any deaths of our kind which may have occurred near the reservation. I can make some calls and I'm sure Jasper will, as well. None of us wish any harm on Bella. You know we'll do whatever we can to protect her."_

Speaking with Carlisle had provided me with some small degree of comfort and while Bella's safety was of the utmost importance, I was also concerned about what they may or may not have told her. "What if they share their legends with her?"

"_They'll be breaking the treaty so I doubt they'll do that. The elders of the tribe treat their stories with reverence and respect. They're not discussed with just anyone. The stories are very sacred to them."_

"I hope you're right," I sighed.

"_Why does it matter, Edward? Even if they told her, would she believe them and even if she did, how could it cause her harm? We're not there and she won't ever learn of us."_

That's when Carlisle realized what I was thinking as he turned to look at me. _"She isn't going to learn about us, is she, Edward?"_

I did not know how to answer my sire. Would my honest answer disappoint him? Would he get angry, believing me too selfish, willing to endanger the family? I did not even really know what I wanted, but I could not stay away from Bella and not speaking with her became more difficult with each passing day. I decided on the truth.

"Carlisle, I'm afraid my feelings for Bella have changed."

"_Has the bloodlust returned?"_

"No, although you may think that would have been better."

"_How would that be better, Edward?"_

I took a deep breath before answering. "I think I love her," I said quietly.

"_We already know that and you've done a fine job staying within the boundaries you've set for yourself. I'm quite proud of you. I still don't understand what's concerning you."_

I was just going to have to come out and say it, admit it, not only to Carlisle but to myself as well. "You misunderstood, Carlisle. What I'm trying to tell you is that I've come to realize...well...I'm _in love_ with Bella."

**Thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed! Keep your comments coming. ;-)**

**As my fabulous Beta pointed out to me, there's nothing in the Twilight saga to indicate that Alice can see the futures of any of the Indians boys before they become wolves even though we know she can't see them after they transform. However, I don't think there's anything indicating that she can't see them **_**before**_ **they transform because they're still human at that point. So I'm going under the assumption that since in my story nothing has triggered the boys' transformation yet, Alice can see the Quileute boys **_**before **_**they become wolves which is how she can see that Bella will be fine around Jacob Black (at least for now).**


	8. Chapter 8 Facing Destiny

**DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer owns the entire Twilight Series, Edward, Bella and the other characters that we've grown to know and love. Any new or unfamiliar characters in the story are figments of my imagination. No copyright infringement intended – I'm just having fun! **

**AN: Hope you all had a Merry Christmas (as well as any other holiday you may celebrate) and are looking forward to a Happy New Year! Thanks to all of you who have taken the time to read this story and a special thanks to all who have reviewed. I truly appreciate your comments!**

**A heartfelt 'thank you' goes to my **_**wonderfully fabulous**_ **beta, TwilightMomOfTwo. Her suggestions and support continue to help me improve the quality of this story. She's most gracious with her time so I hope you'll also support her – check out her fantastic stories under my favorites – you won't be disappointed. Thanks!**

**Chapter 8 – Facing Destiny**

**BPOV**

During the past ten months we had spent a lot of time with the Blacks as Charlie renewed his friendship with Billy and Renee became friends with Sarah Black. I was friendly toward the twins, but they mostly kept to themselves. I wasn't offended by it; that's just how they were. Jacob, on the other hand, was an entirely different story. I had not wanted to develop any new friendships, especially with boys, because the odds were too great that somehow my friends would end up abandoning me, but Jacob didn't seem to take the hint, no matter how standoffish I was towards him. He was nothing if not persistent. At first I had been annoyed, but he was always so happy, so easy going and he seemed as stubborn as I was. He simply wouldn't take 'no' for an answer, or any derivation thereof. If I were honest with myself, a part of me didn't want him to, either.

I remembered one Saturday when our families had gotten together, Jacob and I went for a walk on the beach, something we seemed to do often. My nightmares had not let up over the preceding weeks and I was once again my usual morose self. As we traipsed through the sand, making our way down the beach, I wrapped my arms around myself as I so often did and, of course, Jacob noticed; he had been watching me ever since we'd left the house. He seemed to be waiting for me to say something, but I remained quiet. He finally broke the silence.

"Indigestion again?" he asked curiously.

"Yeah," I replied staring down at the ground.

"Do you want to talk about it?" The look on Jacob's face appeared genuine, as if he actually cared about what was bothering me, but it just made me withdraw further into myself.

"No, not really," I answered quickly. I almost felt bad for Jacob; he had been nothing but kind to me and yet I found it challenging to be friendly with him. I still missed Carolyn like crazy and what was left of my heart belonged to Chris and Edward. Nevertheless, whenever I was around Jacob I found his happiness contagious and I wanted to be happy, too. That day, however, was a lost cause as I felt the all too familiar panic rise in my chest as it spread throughout the rest of my body like a disease. Before I could sit down, I felt myself falling toward the rocks that lined the shore.

"Whoa, let me help you," Jacob said as he grabbed my shoulders, guiding me over to a dead tree trunk which was lying in the sand. "Come on, have a seat; you don't look so good."

I nodded, but didn't say anything as I clutched my arms tighter around my body.

"You know, you can tell me anything," Jacob said. "I can keep a secret."

I didn't know why, but at that moment I was sure he would; I just didn't know if I wanted anyone in Washington to know my story because a part of me wished to leave that portion of my life in Arizona. Charlie had hoped that by moving, I could get a fresh start, but how would I move forward if I never let go of the past? Yet, even if I told Jacob about Carolyn and Chris, I'd never be able to tell him about the Cullens so why tell him anything at all? Then another thought occurred to me – maybe if Jacob knew just enough about what had happened, perhaps it would help. I was confused, not knowing what to do until Jacob spoke again.

"Bella, you don't have to say anything. I can see the pain in your eyes. I know something or somebody hurt you. I just wish I could fix it for you."

"Thanks, Jake. You're really sweet, but I'm a very private person." I glanced over at him as I tried to smile.

**-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o**

Although I had survived my first full year of high school in Forks, I wasn't looking forward to the summer. I hadn't spent time with anyone from school once we went our separate ways at the end of each day, but I had come to rely on the interaction I had with them during the school hours. Now, that classes were over for the summer, even the minimal daily interchanges I had with my classmates were gone. I was alone once more. The intensity of my nightmares had decreased slightly over the course of the school year, but with nothing to distract me, my mind seemed focused once again on Chris and Edward and the dreams had returned in full force, as dark as ever.

While I was never permitted to decline an invitation to the Blacks when we were invited as a family, I never felt the obligation to spend time on the reservation without both my parents. Renee tried on numerous occasions to convince me to accompany her whenever she had plans with Sarah Black and Sue Clearwater whose husband, Harry, had become fishing buddies with my dad and Billy Black. My mother went out of her way to mention all the kids that would be hanging out together, but I continually came up with excuses for why I couldn't go. Yet, after spending so much time alone with only my nightmares to keep me company, I decided a change of scenery was in order.

"Okay, I'll go. What time are you leaving?" I asked my mother when she told me she'd be spending the day with Jacob's mom.

"In about thirty minutes. Will you be ready?" Renee asked. She seemed excited that I was tagging along, but she was probably just happy that I was getting out of the house. I knew it bothered my parents that I chose to spend so much time sitting home, alone, but there really wasn't much else I wanted to do.

"I'm ready now," I replied, wondering why I needed to change out of my sweats.

"Bella, I know you have nicer clothes than that. Must you always look so frumpy?"

Had my mother lost her mind? Since when did she care about how I dressed?

"What difference does it make what I wear?" I asked Renee, raising one eyebrow as I looked at her.

"Just go change. Now!" she responded, shaking her head. My mother would never be considered a fashionista, but she certainly had a flair which I didn't inherit from her so I gave in and changed into jeans and a t-shirt. I wasn't getting all dressed up to hang out on the reservation and perhaps take a walk on the beach no matter what she said.

As I came down the stairs, she looked at me, a disappointed expression on her face.

"Bella –"

"I'm going like this," I said, motioning with my hand down the length of my body as I walked out the door, "since I'll probably just go to the beach with Jacob."

It was pretty chilly, especially for July, so I was glad I brought my sweatshirt with me. As we entered the Black's house I was surprised to see so many people that I recognized. Rebecca was there as well as Rachel and Jacob, in addition to their friends – Sam, Leah, Emily, Paul, Jared, Embry, Quil and Seth.

Everyone was very welcoming even though I wasn't overly friendly. Leah overlooked my indifference, came over to me, sat down and started talking. I didn't understand why she seemed so interested in getting to know who I was, because unlike me, she was very beautiful. Leah Clearwater had glistening black hair, brown eyes and the perfect copper colored skin.

Leah told me all about Sam, how they met, how long they'd been dating and, according to Leah, they were planning to get married some time after high school. Who thought about marriage at our age? I didn't; I wasn't even sure I would ever get married, but if I did, it wouldn't be for a very, very long time. Though the more I thought about it, the more I decided against it – marriage was definitely not for me. How could I think about such a thing after everything I'd been through? I knew Chris and I were young at the time, and Edward, well, that was something else entirely, but I couldn't imagine ever experiencing those feelings again. As more thoughts of Chris and Edward rushed through my mind, I felt the sutures that held together my broken heart begin to pull apart and, as I always did, I wrapped my arms around body, hoping no one would notice. But Jacob did, just like the last time.

"Come on, Bella," Jacob called out to me. "Let's go for a walk."

As I got up and followed him out of the house, I suddenly felt sad that I hadn't accepted my mother's previous invitations to meet some of the kids, especially Leah. Maybe if I had gotten to know her, I wouldn't feel so alone. I really wanted, no needed, to talk to someone and none of the girls at school had even come close to being like Carolyn. I couldn't help but wonder if Leah could have been the friend I was searching for. No sooner had those thoughts entered my mind did I realize how ridiculous they were; I had promised myself that I would never allow anyone to get close to me again, and the fact that I had already developed some sort of relationship with Jacob was more than what I wanted.

Jacob looked down at his feet as we strolled along the shore, while I turned my head toward the waves as they crashed against the cliff walls. I knew somehow I wouldn't allow myself to be hurt again because no matter how I lonely I felt, the feelings of abandonment were so much worse. It was at that exact moment my stupid brain dredged up memories of Alice and how easily she had left me which brought Edward's face front and center in my mind and I became unglued. I was already having difficulty breathing, and thoughts of Edward only made it harder to function. Before I realized what was happening, I was falling face first right into the sand when I felt warm arms around me.

"You really need to watch where you're going," Jacob said sternly. "I can't always be around to save you."

As I tried to steady myself, Jacob kept a secure hold on me. I wanted to pull away, but somehow being near him seemed comforting. What was I doing? Why did I turn to Jacob? He said he'd saved me, but no one could do that and I didn't want anything from him. At fourteen, he was just a kid, kind of like a younger brother. He could never measure up to what I had lost. He was just someone I could talk to. I realized he still had his arm around me and I became extremely anxious. I needed to put some distance between us and as I pulled back, Jacob asked, "Bella, does this bother you?"

"No...well, yes – I don't want you to get the wrong idea," I replied. I really didn't want to hurt his feelings, but I had to make sure he knew exactly how I felt.

"We are friends, right?" Jacob asked, smiling like he always did.

"Yeah, friends," I replied warily.

"Well, this is what friends do. That's all."

I looked at him suspiciously, but he just kept on smiling and I allowed myself to be placated by his easy-going nature.

For the rest of the summer Jacob and I hung out together. Since neither one of us could drive, we went wherever our moms took us, but I didn't mind because being with Jacob made me feel a little better, even if only for a short while. I knew we would never be more than friends, but he had become important to me. Without really trying, Jacob Black had become my one and only friend. If he was willing to accept that limited role in my life, we would be okay. I was just concerned that he wanted more.

It hadn't occurred to me when we first moved to Forks to check out the policies for getting a driver's license. In truth, I hadn't done much living at all upon our arrival, so I was surprised to find out there were all sorts of rules and regulations to follow in addition to a class I would be required to attend before being able to get a license. All I really wanted for my sixteenth birthday was my driver's license, but I would have to wait and there was no one to blame for the delay except myself. If I hadn't been so determined to live the life of a hermit, I most likely would have gotten the information earlier, but at the time I only wanted to be alone. Now that I was feeling a little better, I wanted my license _immediately_. Renee and Charlie kept insisting we should to celebrate my wretched birthday, but I wouldn't hear of it. Perhaps there would come a time that I would look forward to recognizing the day of my birth, but it would not be this year.

When school started again I realized I wasn't as depressed as I had been during ninth grade. I was still lonely and I always would be – maybe not physically alone, but emotionally detached, isolated from those around me. After all, nothing could bring back Chris and Edward, but at least studying provided a healthy distraction.

As I once again became engrossed in my classes, I was determined to get not just good, but perfect grades which meant I spent a lot of time doing homework and little time visiting Jacob. I knew he would have liked me to spend more time with him, but I had other goals in mind and although I enjoyed his company, I had plans which didn't involve him.

The school's guidance counselor had told my parents that if I did as well as I had the previous year, it would be possible for me to graduate early. At first I was hesitant, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that getting out of the hole in the wall town of Forks really was a good idea. My parents had said that if I wanted to skip my senior year of high school and begin college early they would only allow it provided I didn't go any further than Seattle. I didn't have a problem with my parents' request because I wanted to attend the University of Washington, at least for my freshman year. If I liked it, I would stay and if not, I would transfer somewhere else.

I remained diligent in my studying so none of my classes were very challenging even though I was in advanced placement classes including AP English, AP Geometry, Spanish, AP Biology, American History Honors and P.E. which I hated; I was sure I'd make a fool of myself again. You would have thought that I could be excused from the class if for no other reason than to prevent the other kids from getting injured by my clumsiness, but no one in the front office seemed to care. I had warned them last year of my ineptitude involving sports of every kind, yet no one listened. Apparently we would have another injury filled year in my physical education class.

After my self-imposed segregation during ninth grade, I decided to branch out a little during my sophomore year and become better acquainted with several of the kids in my grade level. They had invited me to join their lunch crew the previous year, an invitation I had declined, so I was surprised when they offered me a place at their table once again. I knew I would remain somewhat aloof as I was determined to not to get too friendly with any of them; nevertheless, I appreciated the gesture and graciously accepted.

Our lunch group, which was larger than I imagined, included Mike Newton who was about six feet tall with sandy blond hair and blue eyes. Many of the girls thought he was totally hot which I suppose could be true if you liked that sort of guy, but I didn't. When I first arrived in Forks, Mike seemed a little too interested in me and that made me uncomfortable; however, with a lot of encouragement, he abandoned his plan to win me over in favor of an easier target, Jessica Stanley.

Jessica was a little shorter than me, wavy dark brown hair and blue eyes; she had been one of the first people to talk with me on my first day and she chattered away nonstop. She'd also been the one to introduce me to many of the other kids, but I never got the impression that she really liked me. It seemed she was more interested in me because I was the new girl, like a new toy, a novelty and it didn't take long before I became just like everyone else. I knew she didn't trust me because she was interested in Mike and he had been drawn to me even though I was not interested in him, a fact that I made perfectly clear. Jessica could have him because I had no desire to go out with Mike or any other guy; I didn't want a boyfriend at all.

Ben Cheney, another one of the guys, was shorter than Mike with black hair and dark brown eyes. He loved graphic novels, action movies and his girlfriend, Angela Weber. They were an odd looking couple because Angela was so much taller than Ben; she was about six foot with light brown hair and brown eyes, but regardless, it seemed to work for them. If I had been interested in developing a friendship with anyone, it would've been Angela; she was kind, gentle and non-judgmental as well as quiet and a little shy. Best of all, she didn't talk non-stop like Jessica.

Tyler Crowley, who was a little taller than Mike, had brown hair, brown eyes and was a bit too cocky for my taste, but he could be funny, as well. His girlfriend Lauren Mallory had blonde hair, green eyes, was a little taller than me and she was another one, like Jessica, who felt I was a threat because of the attention I received from Tyler. One of the differences between Lauren and Jessica was that Lauren was openly hostile toward me even after she and Tyler started dating. She remained antagonistic and suspicious, even though I stated in no uncertain terms that I wasn't attracted to Tyler in the least.

Finally, there was Eric Yorkie, an overly-helpful, geeky, chess club type, about the same height as Tyler with hair as black as an oil slick and brown eyes. He, too, had shown an interest in me when I first arrived, but just like I had all the others, I made my feelings, or rather lack thereof, clearly known.

The last person in the lunch crowd was Katie Marshall, a redhead who was very interested in Eric, although I wasn't exactly sure what he thought of her. Katie lived around the corner from me so I'd seen her outside of school more than the others, but we usually just waved to one another.

My parents had thought that moving to a small town was a good idea; obviously they had never been in my current situation. They didn't realize that being the new kid on the block was a real drag, especially when all the boys seemed fascinated with me for some unknown reason; I was, after all, just a plain Jane. I truly didn't understand their preoccupation except that I was a fresh face, someone they hadn't known all their lives. All the attention was completely unwanted – I really hated it.

The holidays seemed to come out of nowhere and as my mother got ready for the New Year's Eve party my parents were attending, my thoughts went back six years to my friend Betty and the New Year's Eve I spent at her house before moving from Germany to Arizona. Those thoughts brought forward my last memory of Edward from a little more than seven years ago. I couldn't help but wonder where he was and what he would look like because even after all these years I had been unable to forget him, even when Chris was alive.

I desperately wanted to see him, but where to look? I suppose I could search for him on the Internet, but what would be the point? He lived in Germany as far as I knew and besides, he would never want me. He was probably married or at least seriously dating someone. Why was I having those thoughts? I had been invited to Jessica's house for a party she was throwing, but I hadn't been interested so I politely declined. Now I wished I would have gone if for no other reason than to distract myself from the vast hole in my chest which ached to be filled by Edward.

I took a deep breath and sighed. When all else failed, studying was a great distraction so that was precisely what I did. I would be taking the SAT in the spring and there was no time like the present to begin preparing, although studying for the SAT on New Year's Eve made a fairly clear and pathetic statement about my life. Yet I had made certain choices so I would suffer the consequences of those decisions.

As springtime approached, so did the time for me to get my driver's license and I had been thrilled when I passed.

"I never had any doubt you'd be driving us home," Renee said smiling proudly.

"I'm glad _you_ were so confident," I replied as I held the steering wheel firmly in my hands while staring intently out the windshield watching carefully as I drove us home.

"At least you're not going to have to drive in a big city with all kinds of lunatics. It could have been much worse," my mother stated laughing.

"That may be true, but I do miss being in a city. Sierra Vista was small compared to Phoenix and Frankfurt, but it was a sprawling metropolis compared to Forks," I said sadly. "I miss Arizona."

"I do as well, but I think your father made the right choice."

"I suppose; living in Forks has helped me feel a little bit better," I said, attempting to smile.

"No," Renee replied. "Jacob Black has helped you." My mother looked at me with an evil grin.

"No way. Whatever you're thinking, it's not happening. Just stop. Jake and I are only friends." I could not believe my mother.

"Okay, okay," Renee laughed as she held up her hands in surrender. "Just friends."

It was only a few weeks after I received my driver's license that I took the SAT. I had studied diligently and hoped I would not have to repeat the torture of taking the test more than once, although I had heard most kids took it at least twice. I had also received information from the University of Washington so I spent a bit of time reviewing all the paperwork including financial aid information, brochures about the various dorms I could live in and of course, the application itself. It was hard to believe that in only about sixteen months I would be heading off to college. It felt surreal and as the excitement of the situation washed over me, I recognized that I hadn't experienced that sensation in an extremely long time. It was good to have something to look forward to instead of only dreading the future.

I had only mentioned my idea of graduating early to Angela, but it wasn't until I told her that I had in fact taken the SAT did she actually believe I was serious.

"Are you really considering graduating early?" Angela asked quietly.

"Yeah, I think it's for the best. I really feel like I need to find my own way, even though my parents aren't totally thrilled with the idea," I replied. I wished Renee and Charlie would be a little more enthusiastic – hadn't they wanted me to find something that interested me? That would bring some excitement back into my life? Seattle was close enough that if they wanted to see me, they could come for a visit.

"It seems we're just getting to know each other and before you know it, you'll be gone," Angela said sadly.

"It won't be too bad," I said, smiling. "Aren't you thinking about going to the University of Washington?"

Angela nodded.

"Well, that's where I want to go if I get accepted. Just think about it, I'll know all the ins and outs by the time you get there."

"Well, maybe I could come visit; you won't be that far away," Angela said as she tried to smile.

"That would be great!" I replied excitedly.

Angela was really nice and I enjoyed talking with her. It would be fun to be in college together. I wondered if Ben would go, as well. I started to feel the familiar ache in my chest, the loneliness I knew would never go away. Only Edward could take away the anguish I felt and since that would never happen, I was going to have to learn to live with the pain.

**-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o**

Not long after I took the SAT the school year drew to a close as I anxiously waited for news regarding the outcome of my SAT as well as my AP exams. I checked the mail every day, but when the envelope finally arrived I was too nervous to open it. Renee was home as I dashed into the kitchen, nearly tripping over the leg of a chair as I waved it in the air.

"What have you got there?" my mother asked.

"The results of my AP exams," I replied nervously as I fiddled with the envelope.

"I'm sure you did very well," Renee said smiling. "Come on, open it. What are you waiting for?"

"Okay, here's goes nothing," I stated, holding my breath. As I opened the envelope and looked at the results, I couldn't help but let out a scream of delight when I discovered I had passed all the AP exams which would provide me college credits even before I was enrolled. I hoped to do as well in my junior year so that I would be able to start the University of Washington with at least enough credits to put me one semester ahead, maybe more. When I explained this to my parents later that evening, they both shook their heads.

"Aren't you happy for me?" I felt sad, disappointed.

"We're very proud of you, Bella," Charlie said. "It's just hard to watch my baby girl grow up so fast."

"I am happy for you," Renee squeaked out as her voice cracked, a few tears escaping down her cheek.

"I haven't been accepted yet, so don't start making plans for my room," I laughed, realizing that I actually felt happy and Jacob wasn't even around.

I was looking forward to the summer and spending time with Jacob. I was concerned that perhaps we had grown apart over the course of the school year, but it seemed my concerns were unfounded. Jacob seemed as happy as ever to see me, and although a part of me was concerned about that fact, another part was pleased. I still only wanted a friend, and I was a little worried that since he was now fifteen, Jake would be interested in something other than friendship. Most of the time we were surrounded by Jacob's sisters as well as his friends; however, there were times that we were alone, especially when we went to the beach.

One day as Jacob and I walked along the beach we talked about what it was like living on the reservation and what made his life different from mine. It seemed we never really discussed his family, just me and what was happening in my life.

"So tell me, what is it like living on the reservation and being part of a tribe?" I asked.

"I've never known anything different so what do you want to know exactly?" Jacob inquired.

"Why don't you start with stuff about your tribe," I suggested.

"Well there are lots of legends, stories, but we're really not supposed to talk about them. I don't believe any of it; it's all pretty weird. Just a bunch of hocus pocus if you ask me. I guess it would be okay if I told you." Jacob seemed a little uneasy.

"I don't want to get you in trouble; it just seems we always talk about me and my family and I'd like to hear about yours," I said encouragingly.

"It's just a bunch of scary stories, Bella," Jacob replied hesitantly.

"I'm good with scary," I stated, giving Jake a diabolical grin. After all, I had spent years dealing with nightmares so how bad could Jacob's stories be?

"Well, there are quite a few legends. Some may be boring to you, but there are several you might like," Jacob said as he started to relax a little. "One story teaches us about how the ancient Quileutes tied their canoes to the tops of the trees up high in the mountains so they would survive the flood – like your story of Noah and the ark." Jacob glanced over at me with a slight smile on his lips before continuing.

"Then there's another myth that says we're descended from wolves; it's against tribal law to kill them," Jacob said, looking at me as if he were trying to gauge my reaction.

"Wolves as in real wolves?" I asked, trying not to laugh. I was certain he was pulling my leg.

"Yeah. Then there's the legend about the _cold ones_," Jacob stated as we continued walking. He seemed to be waiting for me to say something.

"The cold ones?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes. The stories about the cold ones are as old as the tales about the wolves. According to the legend, my great-grandfather knew some of them and he made a treaty with a certain group which kept them off our land." From the tone of his voice, it seemed Jacob didn't believe that story either, but I was still curious so I played along.

"Your great-grandfather knew the cold ones?" I asked.

"Yeah, he was a tribal elder just like my dad. Supposedly the cold ones and the wolves are enemies; well, not your typical wolf, but the wolves that turn into men, like our ancestors."

"Come on, Jacob. Are you trying to tell me your family tree includes werewolves?"

"If you believe the fables, yes."

I stared at Jake, not quite sure what to say. He said he didn't believe the stories, but there was something about the way he said the 'cold ones' which reminded me of something. _Cold._ Why did that one word stand out in my mind? Was there something I should remember? Was there a memory just out of reach, something hidden, like a word on the tip of the tongue? Something nagged at me in the back of my mind, and I suddenly felt goose bumps run up my arms.

"Do you want to hear the rest?" Jacob asked curiously.

"Okay," I replied, still trying to figure out what I couldn't remember.

"So, as I was saying, the cold ones are our enemies, but the ones my great-grandfather came across claimed to be something different; they said they didn't hunt the same way as others of their kind so they weren't supposed to be dangerous to us. My great-grandfather didn't really trust them, but he decided to make a treaty with them anyway – as long as they promised to stay off Quileute land, we wouldn't expose them to the pale-faces," Jacob said as he looked up at me and winked.

"Why did they have to stay away if they weren't dangerous?" I asked. Although I was sure Jake's stories were just that, stories, I was still fascinated by them.

"Well, the way I heard it there was still a risk for humans to be around them. The group my great-grandfather met claimed to be civilized, but what would happen if they got too hungry to resist?"

I wanted to know more so I asked, "What do you mean, 'civilized' and what were they resisting?"

My mind was beginning to run wild with the possibilities of what Jacob was telling me. I was almost too nervous to ask the question that had been in the back of my mind, but before I could say anything else, Jacob answered me.

"They claimed to hunt and feed on animals instead of humans; supposedly it was human blood they refused to drink."

"Oh, come on. Do you really expect me to believe that these cold ones drink blood – animal blood? Not human blood?" I wanted to laugh at Jacob, but I couldn't. There was still something gnawing at the back of my mind, but I couldn't quite figure out what it was.

"I'm serious," Jacob chuckled. "The group my great-grandfather met claimed to only drink from animals, but others of their kind feasted on humans."

"Okay, so they're cold and drink blood. Are you telling me they're vampires?" I asked cynically.

Jacob looked at me, trying to appear as scary as possible as he said, "Yep, that's what they are."

I raised my eyebrows at Jacob in disbelief before turning to watch the waves as they broke violently on their way to the shore.

"So I take it you've never seen a cold one?" I knew it was a silly question, but I felt the need to know for sure.

"No, of course not," Jacob laughed. "If I had, then the legend would be true and I'd get in all kinds of trouble for telling you."

"Well, I can't say I believe any of it, but you're definitely a good storyteller," I complimented him, still staring out over the rough surf.

"I don't really believe any of it either, but I'm still not supposed to tell anyone."

"Don't worry," I replied. "I won't say a word. Who would believe me anyway?" I said chuckling quietly to myself.

"It's a good thing none of it is real because if it were true I would have just violated the treaty," Jacob snickered.

"I'll take your secret to the grave," I promised, suddenly shivering as it had gotten cold rather quickly.

Just then a loud clap of thunder sounded, as the bright sunny summer sky became dark and ominous. As we walked back toward Jake's house, we felt the rain drops begin to fall so we picked up our pace and soon found ourselves running, but we got wet anyway.

As we ran in the door, I shook my head, trying to get the water out of my hair, but all I managed to do was get Jacob all wet.

"Hey, what'd you do that for?" Jake called out.

"Sorry," I said, laughing. I didn't mean to drench him, but it was sort of funny. Next thing I knew, Jacob shook his hair at me. I got saturated because his hair was much longer than mine.

"Aw, Jake. Why did you do that?" This time it wasn't funny, but he just looked at me and let out a loud guffaw.

I smacked him on the shoulder, but that was a big mistake.

"Ow!" I screamed out. I felt as if I'd hit the side of a concrete building. "Jake, what are you made of, steel? I think I broke my hand!"

"Bella, hold still. Let me look," he replied, concern evident in his voice. "Here, put some ice on it. What'd you have to hit me for anyhow?"

"I was just kidding around, but, wow – you should come with a warning label." I started chuckling, but stopped short as my hand started throbbing.

"Come on, let's get my mom. We should take you to the hospital for an x-ray," Jacob said as he appeared to become more anxious.

Luckily both my mom and Sarah Black were returning from their shopping trip so when Renee dropped off Sarah, she picked me up.

"Why did you hit Jacob to begin with?" Renee asked curiously.

"We were just joking around; I didn't realize he was so solid," I said, still surprised by what had happened.

"Have you taken a look at him lately? He's becoming quite a hunk," Renee said, giggling like a little girl. Sometimes my mother's behavior truly was unbelievable.

"Mom, really? He's like a little brother to me. Besides, he's just fifteen." I didn't like what my mom was insinuating.

"He seems mature for his age and he's really a nice kid. In any case, you're not seventeen _yet_," Renee replied with a smirk on her face.

"Mom, we're _just_ friends. That's it. Nothing else. Not ever." Apparently I needed to make my intentions concerning Jacob clear even to my own parents.

"Well, I hope you've made that clear to Jacob. I'm not sure he feels that way," Renee said quietly.

"What do you mean? He knows very well we're just friends. Have you been talking to his mom?" Now I was annoyed. My mother needed to stay out of my business and I think she realized I was upset.

"As long as you've been truthful with him, that's all I ask. You guys spend a lot of time together; I'd hate to see him get his feelings hurt."

"Well it's his own fault if he does. I couldn't have made my feelings any more obvious. We're only friends," I said in a huff, feeling exasperated, still cradling my hand as I looked out the car window.

It didn't take long to get to the hospital and since everyone knew me on a first name basis, I was taken care of rather quickly. Apparently there was only one tiny fracture in my hand so they gave me a brace to use provided I promised to wear it. My other choice had been a cast and I didn't want that. At least with the brace I'd be able to take a shower.

By the time we got home, Charlie was already waiting for us.

"Didn't I teach you the proper way to throw a punch?" he laughed.

"I wasn't really trying to hurt Jacob," I replied grumbling as I walked up to my room. My hand was throbbing and all I wanted to do was take a nap and forget the whole thing.

The doctor had given me a few pain pills so I slept quite a bit. I hadn't seen Jacob in nearly a week when Renee told me that she and Sarah Black were going to Port Angeles. I didn't want to go shopping, but I did want to take a walk on the beach as it was my favorite thing to do in Forks. It was a cool albeit sunny day, too nice to stay indoors. While being at home had helped my hand heal, spending time away from Jacob seemed to bring back the nightmares and although I had gotten used to Jacob holding my hand, that day I pulled away.

"What's the matter, Bells?" Jacob asked. He'd picked up on the nickname Charlie used for me. At first it bothered me, but how could I refuse him that level of familiarity when Jacob was the only one who'd been able to ease even the smallest amount of my pain and suffering?

"Nightmares," I replied quietly. I had previously told Jacob about having bad dreams, but I'd never told him what they were about and he'd never tried to force the information out of me. I didn't know why, but suddenly I wanted to share my memories with him even though I wasn't sure if I could actually say the words out loud.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Jacob asked, expecting me to refuse as I had in the past.

"Yeah," I said, looking over at him. The shocked expression on his face was almost funny; he seemed hesitantly excited.

He removed his hand from mine before wrapping his arm around me as we walked to our log, the place we sat to watch the waves roll in. He nodded at me, allowing me to tell him about Chris and Carolyn; I didn't hold anything back and by the time I was done, I was sobbing. The whole experience had been painful; however, when it was over I felt lighter, like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I knew I'd never forget either of them, but maybe my heart could finally begin to heal and as unbelievable as it seemed to me, that day I actually thought it would. It was all because of Jacob.

"Thanks," I whispered. "Thanks for being my friend."

"Anything for you, Bella," Jacob said smiling; he was almost glowing. He was like my own personal sun, warming me, comforting me – he had truly become my best friend.

After telling Jacob about Chris and Carolyn, I was surprised that I actually felt better and not only during the day, but at night, as well. No longer did Chris cry out for me while I slept; in fact, when he would appear in my dreams, we would be sharing the happy memories of our times together. I still missed him terribly, but the dreams comforted me. Notwithstanding my nighttime fancies involving Chris, my dreams of Edward remained dark, foreboding. It seemed that not even Jacob could ease the emptiness and pain I felt from Edward's absence in my life.

There were some mornings though, when I woke up after having dreamed of Edward that I was certain he had been with me. My room would be filled with the most amazing scent of honey, lilac and fresh air on a bright sunny day. Not only was there his scent, but on those same mornings, some parts of my bed actually seemed cooler which was odd because if he had actually been sitting on my bed, it should have felt warm. I knew my imagination had given me some crazy delusions yet everything about Edward felt so real. Although being around Jacob helped me come to terms with losing Chris, there was still and probably would always be an immense empty space in my chest, my heart, where Edward belonged. Nothing Jacob could do would ever fix that part of me because I would never share that part of my past with him.

Jacob had helped me come to terms with losing Chris, but whenever I considered telling him the truth about the abduction, not the story everyone else knew, but _the truth_, something deep down inside of me screamed out a warning, complete with flashing lights and blaring horns. I didn't understand why I was so apprehensive to tell Jacob what had actually happened because he'd already done so much for me, but I trusted my instincts enough to heed the threatening omen.

As much as I enjoyed the summer, I was actually looking forward to starting school again because it was my last year at Forks High School. I had received my SAT results and was pleased that my scores were high enough that I didn't plan on taking it again. I had prepared my application for the University of Washington and it was complete with the exception of my transcript which the school would send directly to the university along with a letter of recommendation from my guidance counselor. Jacob had helped me heal a little, but I was still broken and I needed to move on with my life if I ever expected to put it completely back together. Although the question that remained was how could my life be complete without Edward? The control the memories of him had over me didn't make any sense and yet I was sure I'd never feel for anyone like I cared about him. I knew I was being stupid – surely he had forgotten me, but it didn't matter. My heart would never be the same.

As the realization hit me that I would soon be on my own, it occurred to me that there were many things I would be doing for the last time at home and at school, not the least of which was celebrating my birthday. For two years I had refused any type of acknowledgment or celebration, but surprisingly I was ready for my seventeenth birthday. No sooner had I recognized that fact, I heard my mother – she must have read my mind.

"Bella, we want to celebrate," Renee said.

"What do you want to do?" I asked. The look on my mother's face was priceless.

"Um, your father invited the Black's over for dinner and birthday cake. Is that okay with you?" she asked hesitantly, looking in my direction with a very curious expression on her face.

"Okay. That's fine," I replied. I knew it would make them happy and I didn't mind the company.

The house was really quiet as I was waited for the Blacks to arrive so when I heard a rather loud vehicle pull into the driveway it made me jump. I looked out the window and saw Mrs. Black get out of an old red truck as Jacob jumped out on the passenger side. Rachel pulled in behind her mother in their car, bringing with her both Billy and Rebecca.

"Bella, come downstairs. The Blacks are here," I heard my mom call for me.

"Coming," I hollered back.

I ran down the stairs, hoping I wouldn't fall as I followed my parents out the front door.

"So, Bella, what do you think?" Charlie asked.

"Think about what?" I didn't understand what he was talking about.

"Your truck," Renee squealed.

I stared at the old truck which had to be at least forty years old; it had very large, round fenders and the paint had faded so badly it barely appeared red anymore. The average teenager would've thought the truck was a relic and absolutely horrendous, but I loved it because it was exactly what I needed. The way cars and trucks were built back in the day made this truck indestructible, solid. Everything made nowadays seemed to fall apart at the slightest impact. I definitely needed a vehicle that would last, not that I planned on getting into an accident or anything.

"Wow, I love it! Thanks!"

"I'm glad you like it," Renee said happily as Jacob's mom handed me the keys.

"I helped rebuild the engine," Jacob said proudly.

"Holy crow! This is great! Let's go for a ride," I said as I jumped into the cab.

"How about after we have dinner and your cake?" Renee suggested. I'm sure she would have let me go if I had insisted, but I thought better of it.

"Okay, after dinner," I said enthusiastically.

After all the excitement of the truck, everything else was mild in comparison. I was really glad Charlie had thought to invite the Blacks over; we had a great night. Once we were done having cake, the twins followed the parents into the living room while Jacob and I went for a walk.

"Bella," Jacob said softly. "I have something for you."

"Jake, I said no presents. You know I don't like gifts."

"No," he laughed. "What you said was that you liked the homemade kind."

"Alright, you got me there. So what did you get me?" I was curious.

"Close your eyes and put out your hands," Jacob replied, smiling.

"Jacob, I don't like surprises," I said firmly, trying to look serious, intimidating. It didn't work; he just snickered at me.

"Come on, Bells, please," Jacob pleaded while looking at me with sad puppy dog eyes. I hated when he did that.

"Okay, fine." I closed my eyes, cupping my hands together in front of me.

"Happy birthday, Bella," Jacob whispered as he placed something in my outstretched hands.

As I opened my eyes, much to my sheer astonishment I felt his lips on my cheek. What was he doing? Hadn't I been clear enough? He was going to ruin everything.

I didn't know what to say so I instinctively backed away from Jake. I felt his gift in my hands and wanted to thank him, but the kiss was too intimate. We were just friends. Why didn't he get that? Had I been leading him on? Maybe I was just overreacting, but my thoughts were abruptly interrupted when I heard a noise, almost a growl. I knew bears lived in the forest surrounding Forks and yet I had never heard any so close to the house. I stared at Jacob as he grabbed my hand and pulled me back down the path toward my house. My heart was thumping wildly and once we reached the yard I bent over, trying to catch my breath.

"Jacob," I panted, still unable to breathe. "What was that sound?"

"I don't know, but it seemed really close. We should tell your dad."

"You're probably right," I replied, but before we went into the house I needed to talk with Jacob about that kiss.

"Thanks for the gift; I sure hope it works, but the kiss . . . that was a bit too much." It took a moment to get all the words out as I was taking deep breaths between each word.

"I'm glad you liked the dream catcher; you're always telling me about your nightmares so I thought it would be perfect. As for the kiss," Jacob paused, looking at my shyly, "can't friends kiss each other on the cheek for their birthday?" Even in the dark I could see Jacob's eyes twinkling.

Just then we heard another, even louder growl so we ran into the house and told Charlie. It didn't take long for my dad, his deputies and some of Billy's friends to search the area surrounding the house, but no one found anything, not even one track or paw print. I thought what we'd heard had been a bear, but Jacob didn't think so. No one found anything and since no one had been hurt, Charlie called off the search; it was already pretty late.

"Well, we best be on our way," Billy said as all the Blacks began to pile into their car. Jacob walked over to me, taking my hands in his before looking directly into my eyes.

"Bella, I'm sorry about the kiss, well, not sorry I did it, only that it upset you. I know I said we were only friends, but I'm not sure I still feel that way."

"Jake, don't do this," I said pulling my hands away. "I'm sorry if I've been using you; I didn't mean to lead you on. I needed you, but not that way. I'm just not up to having a boyfriend – it isn't you, it's me."

"Wow, that's original," Jacob said spitefully before turning away. He almost looked angry. Before I could answer, he got in the car and the Blacks drove away.

Ever since my birthday party, the tension remained between me and Jacob so I hadn't seen him much. My nightmares came back with a vengeance, but it was almost easier to deal with them than Jacob. I really felt bad about the way I had treated him even though I had told him at every possible turn that I only wanted to be friends. In fact, I thought we had become good friends; maybe that was the problem – we'd become too comfortable with one another and perhaps that had given Jacob the wrong idea.

I was really busy with school so I didn't realize how long it had been since I'd last spoken with Jake until I received the news I had been waiting for – I had been accepted to the University of Washington. It was nearly Thanksgiving and suddenly I felt I had so much to be grateful for and the first person I wanted to share the news with was Jacob. I knew he was still a little upset with me, but I was certain he would want to share in my excitement. I didn't think he would still be angry so I called the Blacks. Little did I know how wrong I was.

"Hello?"

"Billy, hi. It's Bella. Is Jacob there?"

"He's been sick. Mono. He can't come to the phone right now."

"Wow, I didn't know. Have you told Charlie?"

"No, we haven't spoken for a few weeks."

"Oh," was all I could say. "Okay, thanks. Will you please just tell Jake I called?"

"Sure, no problem, Bella."

I felt bad that I hadn't known Jake was sick. One of the kids at school had mono and I'd heard how bad he felt and how he slept for days. The kid had been out of school for two weeks. I couldn't help but wonder how long Jacob had been sick because I was certain it had been more than two weeks since we'd last spoke if not longer. I wondered if my mom knew anything.

"Mom, have you talked with Jacob's mother lately?"

"No, honey I haven't. Why do you ask?"

"It's just that, well, I think he's mad at me. I tried to call him, but his dad said he had mono." I hoped Renee wouldn't ask too many questions about why I thought Jake was upset with me.

"Let me call Sarah and find out." Renee immediately picked up the phone and called Jacob's mom.

"So?" I asked. I hadn't been able to understand much from my mother's side of the conversation.

"Apparently he does have mono, a really bad case. He's not doing well and can't have any visitors so don't be a pest. I'm sure he'll call when he feels up to it." Renee looked at me as if she was really warning me to stay away, but I didn't understand why.

"What else did she say?" There had to be more my mom wasn't telling me.

"Nothing," Renee replied firmly before going back to whatever it was she was doing before I'd interrupted her.

I knew something was up – my mom rarely took that tone with me so I decided that I'd wait until after Thanksgiving and if I didn't hear from Jacob by then, I would go to his house to see what in the world was going on. I couldn't just stand around and do nothing. If he was really sick, okay. But I was certain there was something more happening – it had to be more than just mono.

It was the longest week of my life and finally, when I couldn't take it any more, I decided to call Jake before heading off to his house, but this time the phone just rang and rang. I wondered if Jacob had gotten really sick and been taken to the hospital. That would explain why he hadn't called me. It was after dinner and Charlie was home – maybe I'd get a better answer out of him than my mom.

"Dad, have you talked with Billy recently?"

"Um, I think so a few days ago. Why?" My dad seemed preoccupied with something, but I didn't know what.

"Did he mention anything about Jacob? Supposedly he got mono, but it's been almost a month since I last saw him and he won't come to the phone. His mom said he was really sick, but now no one is answering the phone at his house."

"Hold on, Bells. Take a breath. Let me call Billy," Charlie said.

I waited as Charlie dialed the phone, but when he didn't get an answer, he hung up and dialed a different number.

"Harry, hi. It's Charlie. Have you talked to Billy lately? Bella's worried about Jacob, seems he's been under the weather."

When my dad finally hung up the phone he told me the same story I'd heard from my mom except that they were having trouble with the phone lines on the reservation from a storm we'd had several days ago. Charlie was certain that was the real reason why Jacob hadn't called since Harry had indicated that Jacob was beginning to feel better. Something told me he didn't have mono, but my dad insisted, as had Renee, that I let it go.

I thought it was weird that the Clearwater's phone worked when the Black's didn't so I decided to call Leah and try to get some information from her. We hadn't become good friends, but when I'd seen her at Jacob's house she had always been nice.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Leah, it's Bella." I really hoped she wouldn't think it was totally strange that I was calling her.

"Oh, hi, Bella," she said. "Are you okay?"

I knew she had to be curious as to why I was calling so I decided to get right to the point.

"Yeah, I'm okay, but I'm worried about Jacob. Have you seen him lately? I've been trying to reach him, but the Black's phone is out of order." It was then I realized how concerned I actually was.

"You know, Seth saw him just the other day. Hold on, let me get him for you." I was thankful that Leah was being pleasant. I would have to be a little nicer to her next time I saw her.

"Hey, Bella! What's up?" Seth was always so full of energy. He reminded me of how Jacob had been when we first met. That's when I realized that over the past few months Jake had become rather sullen. I felt bad; it was probably all my fault.

"Bella, are you there?" Seth asked. I had become engrossed in my own thoughts, but I wanted information about Jacob so I needed to concentrate.

"Yeah, sorry. Leah said you've seen Jake recently? Is he okay? I thought he was sick." Then I held my breath waiting for Seth to answer.

"Oh, he was sick, missed a couple weeks of school, too, but he's fine now. He does seem a little different, but he probably misses you," Seth replied.

"Why would you say that?" I asked. A part of me wanted it to be true, but another part knew it would be better for Jacob to stay away from me and that's when I realized how dependent I had become on him and how difficult it would be to keep myself together if I never saw Jake again.

"I don't know, he just seems so different when you're not around. He hasn't said much of anything really, at least not to me. He's been hanging around Sam, Jared and Paul which is kind of weird since Embry and Quil are his best friends. Why don't you stop by here tomorrow after school? I'm sure Leah wouldn't mind and we could go see Jake together," Seth said excitedly.

"Are you sure it's okay with Leah?" I didn't want to cause any trouble.

"Hold on," Seth said as I heard him call to his sister. I couldn't hear exactly what she said, but when Seth got back on the phone he said, "Yeah, it's okay. We'll see you tomorrow afternoon. I'm sure everything's fine."

For some reason I didn't share Seth's enthusiasm.

The entire next day dragged on forever; it didn't seem like school would ever let out, but it finally did and it took all the control I had to not speed all the way to La Push. When I finally arrived at the Clearwater's house, both Seth and Leah were waiting outside for me.

"Hop in," I said, pushing the door open. "We'll have to scrunch together but it's only a short ride."

"Don't worry," Seth said as Leah nodded her head in agreement.

It only took a few minutes to get to the Black's house and I jumped out of the truck even before Seth had a chance to open the passenger side door. I called out to Jacob before I knocked on his front door as a wave of conflicting emotions ran through me. I couldn't tell if I was angry, sad, worried or something else.

"Jake, come out if you're in there. I know you're not sick anymore and I want to know why you're avoiding me." I felt the tears begin to form in my eyes as I choked on my words.

"Bella, go away. You don't belong here," Jacob called out from the inside of the house. "You need to leave and don't bother coming back."

"What are you talking about? I thought we were friends," I said as I felt the familiar pain of loss begin to take control.

"We _were _friends, but not any more," Jake yelled bitterly.

"Come outside and say that to my face. I don't believe you!" I shouted angrily.

I didn't think he could actually be so mean when he was standing right in front of me. As I glanced over at Seth and Leah neither of them seemed to believe what they were hearing, either. Just then Jacob walked out the door and I couldn't believe what I saw. I knew he had a growth spurt over the summer, but now he was huge, I mean gigantic and that wasn't the only change.

"You cut your hair?" I shouted at him incredulously as I realized his face seemed so hard. "What's happened to you?" I cried out, trying to hold back the tears.

"I can't tell you, but you need to go. We can't be friends anymore." Jake stared at me with such hate in his eyes that it scared me. I didn't know what else to do so I turned to leave.

"Come on, you guys," I said. "I guess we're not welcome here anymore." Just as I said those words, I heard Jacob. Apparently he hadn't realized Leah was with us.

"Leah, is that you?" Jacob asked, his voice suddenly soft again. He said her name like he had once said mine.

Curiosity got the better of me so I turned around to see Leah walking toward Jacob. I couldn't see her face, but Jacob looked like – it couldn't be. He was looking at Leah like Sam did, only more so. Jake was gazing at Leah like he loved her. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I closed my eyes and shook my head before glancing back over at Seth who seemed as dumbfounded as I was.

"Seth, what's going on?"

Before he could answer, Billy Black appeared in the doorway. He blinked as he took in the way his son was looking at Leah, swallowed hard and then looked directly at me.

"Jacob, Leah, come in the house. Now. Bella, take Seth home and then you need to go home as well," Billy said authoritatively. He didn't sound like my dad's friend anymore and the look on his face was stern, not angry, but definitely not friendly. I was almost afraid of him.

"Come on, Seth," I whispered, pulling him back toward my truck. We drove to the Clearwater's house in silence and I barely stopped the truck before Seth jumped out without saying a word.

I sat in front of their house as the tears began to flow. I hadn't realized how long I was there until Harry Clearwater walked out. He seemed sorrowful, but I didn't understand why or what was happening.

"What's going on?" I asked, hoping I would get some answers.

"Nothing for you to worry about, Bella, but you really shouldn't bother Jacob anymore," Harry said sadly.

"I didn't know I was a _bother_," I replied angrily. How dare he assume he knew about my relationship with Jake.

"Bella, there are a lot of things about us you don't know and never will. I'm sorry if you've been hurt, but there's nothing I or anyone else can do. Please, for everyone's sake, please leave Jacob alone."

I was shocked, stunned, at a total loss for words. This man was supposed to be my father's friend. Why would he tell me to stay away like I was an enemy? That's when I decided I wasn't going anywhere until I had some answers.

"Why?" I yelled. "How can everyone just push me away? You're my father's friend."

"Bella, this isn't personal," Harry said softly. "It's for your own good. Please go home."

"No, not until I talk to Jacob. I deserve answers," I was really crying now, not tears of sadness but of anger. I was furious and I needed to find out what had happened.

"I can't promise anything, but I'll try to have Jacob call you in a few days, okay?"

"Fine," I said when I realized I wasn't getting anywhere. I wiped my tears way with the back of my sleeve. I had to get away, but I couldn't go home. I had told my mom where I was going after I left school, so she wasn't expecting me for a while. I couldn't stay in Forks. I was hurt, angry, furious. I felt betrayed, humiliated, abandoned. And there it was. The anguish I had felt when Chris died and Carolyn left. The agony I suffered when Edward disappeared. Now Jacob had deserted me as well.

As I drove further away from La Push, I knew I had to keep going. I had to get far away. I'd call my parents when I got to a phone once I knew where I was headed. I just needed to leave for awhile. I couldn't go home, not right now. I needed some space.

It didn't take long for me to decide to go to Port Angeles and I knew exactly where I wanted to go – the harbor. All I really wanted to do was walk around, enjoy the fresh air and feel the breeze blow off the water onto my face. Looking out over the dark water usually had a calming effect on me so I hoped it would do the same for my torn and tattered heart.

As I pulled into a space at one of the designated ferry parking areas on Front Street, I immediately felt the wind whirl around me and I began to walk toward the pier. It had already gotten dark and most people had gone home as the work day had ended. Charlie had taught me to be aware of my surroundings so I looked around before continuing on my way. It was cold so I was glad I had previously left one of my coats in the truck, but while the frigid air chilled me to the bone, the icy wind helped to numb my broken heart.

I don't know how long I'd been standing there, leaning against the railing with my eyes closed, when I heard footsteps behind me. I could feel the rate of my heart quicken as I looked around and saw two people walking toward me.

_You're just overreacting, _I thought to myself. No reason to panic. I didn't want to appear afraid so I turned my head back toward the water while continuing to pay attention to the sounds in the background. After a few moments I realized I no longer heard any footsteps behind me so I wasn't expecting to see anyone as I turned around again. I was startled to find that I wasn't alone. The two people who I'd seen in the distance were closer to me now, but I could clearly see that there was a man and a woman, standing together against the pier railing, looking out over the water, just like me, except for the fact that I was alone. It was no surprise that I felt the familiar pain as it tore through my chest, causing the hole to reopen, and soon I was instinctively wrapping my arms around myself.

I felt the anxiety attack coming on so I knew I needed to return to my truck. As I started to run, the thought occurred to me that I should slow down, but it was too late. I tripped on a loose board and immediately went tumbling. As I tried to stop myself, my hand must have gotten caught on a nail, as I felt the sharp object pierce my palm and tear through the flesh. Instinctively, I jerked my hand back only to rip away more skin which caused a spasm to run through my arm as I realized I was rolling too quickly to the edge of the pier. I knew there was no way I would be able to stop myself from plummeting over into the frigid water so I braced for the impact. Instead of plunging into the icy darkness, I felt myself land on something hard and cold.

I immediately thought that by some miracle I had landed on the wet sand, but was totally shocked and unprepared for what I saw as I opened my eyes. I felt myself being gently put on the ground, but I was terrified to believe what, or rather, _who_ was standing right before my eyes. The lights on the pier were dim, but I would know that face anywhere because I had seen it in my dreams over the past eight years. I couldn't help but stare at his beautiful face as his eyes became filled with anxiety and uncertainty. I was utterly dumbfounded, unable to speak as I watched him, too afraid to blink for fear his glorious image would disappear. Was he a figment of my overactive imagination?

He didn't move, not even a fraction of inch nor did he speak a word. I refused to open my mouth, afraid my voice would interrupt whatever was going on between us. I was unable to remove my gaze from his body until finally my eyes became so dry and irritated from the sand and the wind that they automatically closed of their own accord.

In the blink of an eye – an expression to explain how quickly something can happen he disappeared. No sooner had my eyes reopened that I realized he was gone. Perhaps it had been a dream, but somehow I knew it wasn't. Just as surely as I knew that I was sitting near the water's edge with an open wound bleeding down my arm, I was absolutely certain that I had seen Edward. I had not forgotten him; I had dreamed about him and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I had seen him standing before me. I could not deny it. He had saved me once more and now he was gone. Once more.

As I looked at my arm, knowing I had to go to the hospital and shuddering at the thought of getting stitches, a thought came to me that shook me, nearly knocking me back down on the sand. Not only had I recognized Edward, not only had he appeared like his image in my dreams, but he looked _exactly the same_ as he had when I'd seen him eight years before. He had not changed, of that I was certain, but how was that possible? And how would I find him again?

**-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o**

**EPOV**

"Carlisle, I'm afraid my feelings for Bella have changed."

"_Has the bloodlust returned?"_

"No, although you may think that would have been better."

"_How would that be better, Edward?"_

"I think I love her."

"_We already know that and you've done a fine job staying within the boundaries you've set for yourself. I'm quite proud of you. I still don't understand what's concerning you."_

"You misunderstood, Carlisle. What I'm trying to tell you is that I've come to realize...well...I'm _in love_ with Bella."

I replayed my conversation with Carlisle over in my mind. He had not been as surprised as I anticipated, but he was concerned.

"_That certainly changes things, Edward. Have you thought about how you're going to proceed?"_

"What do you mean 'proceed'? Nothing has changed except that I now know how I truly feel, but I don't believe I can do anything different than what I've already done over the course of the years. I'll continue to watch over her, although more diligently, but other than that, what else can I do?"

"Don't you think Bella deserves to know that you love her? If she truly is your mate, Edward, and from what you've said and how you feel, I believe she is, Bella will love you as well, even if she doesn't realize it yet."

"Carlisle, even if she does have feelings for me, there's no way we can allow her to learn the truth about us, so why would I permit her to see me again when I'll be forced to walk away from her in four or five years once she begins to suspect I'm not aging? The last time I left her, I didn't realize I was _in_ love with her. How am I supposed to remove myself from her now that I know the truth about my feelings, _especially_ if I learn that she cares for me? In addition, don't you think she'll already be suspicious when she realizes I look the same as I did six years ago?"

"_It seems you've found yourself in quite a spot, son, one I'm not sure I can help you with. Are you willing to live without her?"_

"I don't think I can, you know that," I replied feeling frustrated.

"_If you can't live without her, I doubt you'll be able to remain hidden from her much longer. Haven't you felt your connection to Bella become stronger over the years? Hasn't it become increasingly more difficult to stay away?"_

"It physically pains me to be away from her; I've never felt anything like it before. The anguish is indescribable, but it's also irrelevant," I said to my father. "I refuse to end her life; she must remain human. If she sees me and she learns what we are, you know what will happen when the Volturi discover that she knows our secret and I can't allow her to be put in such danger. I refuse to force her to make such a choice; that only leaves me with one option – leave and never come back, but I don't know how to do that any more."

"Edward, you've already told me that you won't be able to leave her," Carlisle replied. I could hear the concern in his voice.

"That's my dilemma; the only way to absolutely ensure her safety, her humanity, is to stay away from her, but I truly don't believe I can." I sighed, knowing that it was not just a belief, but a fact. I had tried to stay away from Bella before I admitted to myself how I truly felt. Even then, I had failed miserably.

"You truly only have one choice," Carlisle said, pity etched into his voice.

I had to be overlooking something; there had to be another way. "Maybe she won't figure out our secret," I sighed, knowing I did not believe the words I spoke, but hoping against hope that Carlisle would agree with me. If Bella didn't know what we were, the Volturi would have no cause to harm her.

"Even if she doesn't come right out and tell you, I think it's highly unlikely she won't have some idea that we're not human," Carlisle said as he looked at me, sadness in his eyes.

I knew he was right – Bella was a very intelligent girl and it wouldn't be long before she realized we had not aged which would cause her to come up with some explanation as to why and I would be forced to leave and _that _was something I would _not _be able to do.

"You're right, of course," I said to my father, nodding my head. "Eventually she'll discover the truth."

"_Have you thought about how she'll react when she learns what you are?"_

As Carlisle's memories played out in his mind, I could see images of Bella looking at my parents for the first time at the airport and then seeing them again at Tanya's house. Although she did not know our true nature, not once had she shied away from us as other humans typically did. She came to us willingly, without fear or trepidation.

"You mean _if_ she finds out, don't you?" I knew what I wished for would never come to pass – I wanted to have a relationship with Bella without her ever knowing that I was a vampire. I had never desired anything more in my entire existence than I did for that. I yearned to be with Bella without the fear of her losing her humanity. I just wanted to be a seventeen year old boy in love. I took a deep breath in an attempt to calm myself as the anxiety started to take over; that's when I heard Carlisle.

"_No, Edward, I think we've already established that she _will _find out. You won't be able to keep our secret from her and you need to accept that – it's only a matter of _when_."_

"Don't you think she'll run away screaming?"

"I suspect she may surprise you," Carlisle replied, a slight smile on his face. I knew he was attempting to comfort me, but his efforts were in vain.

"It doesn't matter; none of it matters. I can't ask her to love me; I can't take away her humanity; and I can't ask her to become a monster like me."

What was I going to do?

"_Edward, I have seen what happens to a vampire who no longer has his mate and it's not a life I would want for my son. Do you remember me telling you about Marcus of Volturi?"_

I knew that was a rhetorical question. Our infallible minds never forgot anything.

"Yes, of course I remember," I replied bitterly. Just the mention of them put me on edge.

"What I didn't tell you was that Marcus lost his mate, his wife Didyme."

As I saw the images of Marcus in Carlisle's mind, I couldn't help but shudder. The apathy, the boredom, the lifeless existence Marcus endured was almost too painful to watch because there was no doubt in my mind that I would become just like him if I lost Bella. I could not understand _why_ he chose to continue to exist, to endure the physical pain that surely must have been a constant reminder of what he no longer had.

"Has he ever tried to kill himself?" I asked hesitantly, not really wanting to know the answer.

"No, I don't believe so, but then again, Aro would never have allowed it – Marcus is much too valuable to him," Carlisle explained.

"What talent does Marcus have?" I was certain his gift had to be unique if Aro kept Marcus around even in his apathetic state.

"Marcus has the ability to recognize relationships which can be quite valuable to someone like Aro. When the Volturi face any type opposition, Marcus can see the ties that bind them. He can determine who the leader is by watching the way the others are tied to him or her; then he can see how to destroy the resistance by picking off a few key individuals. Marcus can also see romantic relationships as well as the depth of the ties between family and friends including their loyalty and devotion to one another. He can also see if any given person would die for another," Carlisle continued as he related the rest of the story.

"The Volturi rarely leave their home so while Marcus's gift is valuable on the battle field, his talent is most useful in political situations as well as in diplomatic scenarios. Aro also uses Marcus to sense when any of the members of the guard's loyalties begin to wane or if any of the vampires around them have become too fond of one another. Aro understands how valuable Marcus is in maintaining the Volturi's position among our kind which is one of the reasons Aro would never allow Marcus to leave or harm himself."

Carlisle's words gave me much to ponder. Could I live, exist without Bella? No. I had already answered that question. So what would become of me? Would I become as Marcus was? My family already considered me moody, capricious, but how would they tolerate me if I no longer had Bella? Would it even be possible to stay away from her? I shook my head in disbelief over the decisions I would have to face and the weight of the consequences of those choices for Bella.

"I don't envy your position, but I know you'll find the right solution to the situation which provide the best possible outcome for both of you. If you're _completely_ honest with yourself, the only real choice would be to show yourself to Bella, court her and then in time help her discover who and what you are. You must then allow her the opportunity to make the decision for herself even though I'm fairly certain she'll choose to remain with you," Carlisle said softly.

Before I could respond, he thought, _"She will make him happy if he just gives her a chance."_

"How can you _know_? How can you be so certain? What if you're wrong – it's not fair to her. The damage will already be done before she even knows she has a choice. If she wants to leave me and the Volturi find out … either way, I am taking away her humanity," I sobbed, wishing tears would fall, grieving for what I was sure would never be.

I had been so focused on my conversation with Carlisle that I hadn't heard Esme enter the room.

"Edward, you've already tried to leave. It didn't work. Don't make the same mistake twice," Esme said, looking at me, her eyes full of worry.

Then Carlisle continued. "I think you'd be making a mistake, but if you're determined to ensure her humanity is never threatened by our kind, then leaving is the only option. I don't believe it's in your best interest or Bella's, but it's ultimately your choice to make. If you don't believe she will feel strongly for you, if you don't believe she'll want to choose to become one of us, then you need to abandon any and all ideas of being with her. You need to stop torturing yourself. It's really that simple."

I knew that Carlisle was certain leaving was the wrong choice as I heard him, his mind full of apprehension over what he perceived I would choose to do.

"_Edward, please don't throw aside your happiness because you're afraid. Bella is your mate, I'm sure of it. She needs you as much as you need her. Don't let her age at your first meeting blind you from the truth." _

I wanted to believe my father, I truly did and he was right. I was afraid, afraid that he could be wrong regarding how Bella might feel about me. If I could only be certain of how she felt, maybe it would make a difference. If I was absolutely positive that she loved me, perhaps I would consider changing her. No, probably not even then.

I could not believe the predicament I found myself in. Leave Bella, condemn her to a soulless eternity as a vampire, or death. Those choices were unacceptable and totally inadequate. Carlisle was right – if I wanted her to remain human the only possible solution would be to stay away from her, but I had already failed miserably in my attempts to do just that. Why was I so weak? If I truly loved her, why couldn't I walk away in order to save her? Wasn't that the best option for her?

I felt the rage and anguish fester inside until it erupted at the surface, my fists clenching tight, as I let out a roar of frustration, before falling to my knees on the floor of Carlisle's office.

My entire family was immediately at my side. The agony I felt at knowing I had to leave Bella again tore me into pieces. The pain of my transformation did not even compare to the torment I experienced as the realization that I would never see her precious face again ran through my mind.

"How," was the only word I could get out of my mouth as I gasped in utter torment. "How am I supposed to live without her?"

"_Edward, listen to me,"_ Alice said emphatically, but I did not want to listen anymore.

Suddenly I felt my body trembling as the reality of my decision flooded over me. If I could not be with Bella there was no way I would remain alive, if that's what I was. Just the thought of existing without her caused me to crumble. I knew precisely what I had to do and where I had to go.

"No! Absolutely not. You will not go to the Volturi. You listen to me, Edward, and you listen to me now. I need to share a vision with you, one I had years ago on the day you first met Bella in the airport. Remember that day, Edward?"

I nodded yes, but I refused to pay attention to anything, anyone. My life, my existence no longer had meaning. I had lived in darkness before Bella, but once she came into my life, she had brightened up my dark night with thousands of shooting stars. Without her, the sky would be black once more, only now I was very aware of the darkness, my eyes unable to readjust to the blackness after having been exposed to Bella's glorious brilliance.

I felt hands on my arms as my brothers helped me to stand, escorting me over to a chair as a feeling of peace came over me. I knew it was Jasper, but I wanted him to stop. I needed to feel the torture of losing Bella. The only way I would have the courage to do what was necessary was if I felt the anguish of never being near her again. If my family continued in their attempts to console me, I wouldn't have the strength to follow through with my plan.

_Killing yourself is courageous?_

I should have known that my family would not be the only ones trying to convince me to change my mind. If the evil creature had his way I would have killed Bella a long time ago, but that was never going to happen. I would die first.

_Always so quick to escape, to run away from an unpleasant situation._

Ugh, I had no time for such a debate. Ending my life was far from an easy decision, but it seemed like the only viable solution left. I re-focused my efforts, determined in my conviction to go through with the only available remaining course of action, but Jasper was aware of what I was doing.

"_Edward, stop. You need to relax. _Listen _to Alice."_

Why? Would it make a difference? The choices before me had not changed so how could there be a different outcome? But I reluctantly turned my attention to Alice. I didn't want to see her visions or listen as she tried to twist the future in such a way as to convince me there were other options because nothing mattered anymore. I refused to take away Bella's humanity, I would not turn her into a monster and I could not become like Marcus. What other choice did I have besides going to Italy to beg the Volturi to end my life? Would Marcus take pity on me or would he think me a fool for not changing Bella? Perhaps I would not tell him, but then there was Aro. Would he refuse me as well?

There had to be a way – I would find someone if Aro denied my request. If I could not live with Bella at my side, I would _not_ _live_ without her.

"_Edward, stop being so melodramatic. Really, do you think you're the only one who's suffered because of what we are?"_

Leave it to Rosalie to really get my attention.

"_I'm sorry. I don't mean to be so rude – well, maybe I do, but for once you need to listen, really listen, to someone else and stop overreacting. I can't even imagine enduring this existence without Emmett and while I would not choose this life, if there's even a remote chance that Bella is your Emmett, you need to tell her how you feel. I don't want you to change her because, well, you know why, but if you can't live, really live without her, there's a good chance she won't ever truly experience the fullness of the human life you seem so desperate for her to have without you in it. Is that what you wish for her? Do you want _her _to merely exist?"_

I knew Rosalie, more than any one else in the family, grieved over the loss of her humanity; she was angry and resentful and had it not been for Emmett, she would have been absolutely impossible to live with, but she had given me something else to think about. What if Bella felt like I did?

_No, you're not her soul mate – she loved Chris first._

My immediate reaction was to succumb to the monster's evil murmurings; however, Carlisle had told me long ago that while humans have the capacity to experience feelings of love with more than one person, vampires did not. The only time we can experience a change which allows us to feel that type of devotion is when we find our mate. Bella had been young when she met Chris. Surely he had not been the boy she was meant to spend the rest of her human life with, was he? No, especially not since he died. Bella could not be destined for a life of solitude.

_And yet you're willing to leave her alone._

"Edward, are you paying attention?"

Alice's voice interrupted my deliberations, forcing me to focus on the matters at hand. "You need to see what I already know because I saw it a long time ago. The morning you found Bella at the airport, I had two visions. The first one was of a child who we know was Bella and you're already aware of the outcome of that vision. Once you decided not to kill Bella and you left the airport, I had another vision. Perhaps I should have told you about it years ago, but I didn't want you freaking out and messing up her future."

What was Alice saying? I had already interfered with Bella's future; how could I have done more harm than I already had?

"What else did you see, Alice? Why did you keep it from me?" I could not believe she had indeed been hiding something from me all these years. I felt the fury begin to take hold and then it was gone.

I looked at Jasper and he nodded, smiling slightly, while Alice took my face in her tiny hands, forcing me to peer into her mind's eye.

"_Look, Edward. This is why you can't leave, why I've been diligent in my duty to keep track of Bella, why I have been encouraging you to stay in control of yourself, supporting you these many years. Take a minute, please, before you do anything rash."_

Alice would not let go of my face so I closed my eyes as the vision played in her mind like a movie. Much to my utter astonishment I saw Bella and myself laughing and talking in a lovely meadow. I was shocked to see the sun shining on my skin causing it to sparkle while Bella looked on with admiration in her eyes. Was that possible? Was she truly not terrified of me, the monster? I felt Alice's hands tighten on my face once more as she pulled me back to her vision where I once more saw Bella, only now she was beautifully clad in a white gown, walking down an aisle, blushing as only a human could. What was that? Had I asked her to marry me? Had she agreed? And she was still human? I could not believe what I was seeing. Finally Alice showed me the meadow once more only this time I was not the only one sparkling in the sun. Bella was, too.

"You've known this for all these years and never told me? Why?" I still could not comprehend why Alice had hidden all this from me.

"Edward, you know as well as I do that you would have been mortified and left. You would have never taken the time to love her because you would have been appalled that she was just a child. You would have been unable to reconcile the feelings you had with the truth and you would never have allowed Bella the opportunity to grow and become who she is today – a lovely young woman who is meant for you. I knew you needed time, as did Bella."

I knew Alice was right. She knew me all too well. But was it really possible that Bella would choose me? Would she choose to become one of us? Was Rosalie right – was Bella meant to spend eternity with me? My Bella, the precious, innocent child who had developed into a stunning, caring young woman would, according to Alice's vision, blossom into a beautiful, lovely, enchanting woman who, for some unknown reason, wanted me, and had agreed to marry me.

If only it were true.

_You're going to kill her after all._

Not even Alice's vision could alleviate the guilt I felt. If Alice's vision came to fruition, I could no longer hide from the truth of which the horrid fiend so gleefully reminded me. Even if Bella actually chose to be my wife, the possibility of which I was still unable to comprehend, by choosing me, she would be forfeiting her humanity and in essence, she would be choosing to die. Could I allow her to do that? Why would she want to? How could I permit her to sacrifice her most valued possession, her humanity, for me? I was unworthy and could not allow her to bestow such a precious gift upon me.

"Edward, you need to stop thinking so much," Alice said in a huff. "Nothing has happened over all these years to alter my vision, not even Bella meeting her friend Chris. Bella _will_ become one of us unless you do something stupid, and the only thing I have seen that changes the outcome is you leaving. Bella loves you; I know she does. You two were made for each other; she belongs with you. If you would stop fighting the inevitable and take a moment to honestly pay attention to everything Carlisle has told you, you'll come to understand that Bella will want you as much as you want her. You deserve her and she you, just like Carlisle and Esme. You have to believe that."

Could Alice be right? She usually was, but it was still difficult to fathom that Bella was meant for me. If Alice's vision came true there was suddenly so much more to consider and I needed to talk with Carlisle. I already knew that Bella's father was good friends with Billy Black and we remained unsure about whether the boys were transforming into wolves, but if Bella ultimately became one of us, there were more reasons than ever to be concerned over the possible implications her family's relationship with the Black family presented.

"Carlisle?"

"_Yes, Edward?"_

"Has Alice shared with you all that she's seen?"

"_Not specifically, but I know she's certain that you and Bella were meant for each other and that Bella will eventually become one of us."_

"Alice also believes that Bella and I will marry while she's still human. Apparently, some time after we're wed Bella will be changed, although I don't know what the timing of anything is. So, if Alice's version of Bella's future comes true, wouldn't that be a cause for great concern in regards to Charlie Swan's friendship with Billy Black? If Bella does decide to become one of us, we will surely be breaking the treaty and they will undoubtedly learn about it."

"_Perhaps Alice would be able to give us a better time line on the events she's described. If Bella was in college by the time you marry, that could make her absence easier on her parents as she'll already be gone." _

"True, but what about the treaty? If Bella _chooses_ this life, will it make a difference?"

"_I don't believe it will." _

"We'll never be able to return," I replied regretfully

"_No, we won't." _That small fact didn't seem to concern Carlisle as much as I had expected it to, and that surprised me. He looked at me with his eyebrow raised when he saw the questioning expression on my face.

"And that doesn't worry you?"

"No, it does not," he answered with grim finality. "There are plenty of other places to live and hunt, Edward. Surely the Olympic peninsula is not our only option. Wouldn't you agree?"

He was right, of course, about that, at least. But could I take Bella away from her mother and father? Would I be that selfish? Could I stand by and force her to choose between me and her family? Those were just a few of the questions which remained unanswered.

**-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o**

As I prepared to return to Forks, I was still unable to wrap my head around the fact that Bella may indeed _choose _to become one of us. A vampire. That was incomprehensible to me. Regardless, it seemed now more than ever, I needed to see her beautiful, glowing face. Did I dare hope that she would one day become my bride and then be _mine_? Was I that narcissistic? Self-centered? Did I care more about keeping Bella with me forever than I did about her remaining human?

_Yes._

No. Bella's humanity had always been of the utmost importance to me, but what about Alice's vision? Could it be possible that Bella would want to be with me, to be my wife even if I didn't change her? I knew the dangers of being with her if she remained a human, but what if that was possible? We would need to be extremely careful; I would have to ensure that Bella would never be in danger from the Volturi; surely, Alice could watch for them. And I had already controlled my desire for her blood, but what about other needs, wants? Could I control those desires as well?

_No. You'll tear her to pieces. You're a monster._

Was there no way to keep Bella human and take her as my own? No, of course not. What was I thinking? I needed to focus on what was best for Bella, not what I wanted.

Ever since arriving in Forks, Bella had spent a considerable amount of time with Jacob Black on the reservation so I had been unable to follow her, only watching while she was in Forks. I noticed that the more time she spent with the boy, the more her dreams seemed to change; no longer did she cry out for Chris as she had in the past although she continued to call out my name. During some of her dreams when she said my name, joy dawned upon her face while at other times she cried out in terror. It pained me that I could not keep her happy, safe, protected even in her sleep. Although I could not prevent her nightmares, I remained at her side each and every evening as she slept, sometimes observing her from the safety of the rocking chair in her room, while other times I gave in to my own selfish desires and sat next to her on her bed, whispering comforting words in her ear when she became too distraught.

_You know what you need to do._

I had begun to come to terms with Alice's vision, but I remained undecided, torn as how best to proceed. I had also resigned myself to the fact that I would not leave, yet I could not take away her life so the solution to my problem remained a mystery. I was not going to rush into anything with Bella; I had already waited six years so I would wait a little longer. Well, actually I had waited one hundred years, but who was counting? I was more concerned about Bella's growing friendship with the Black family although as far as I was aware, none of the young Quileute men had yet shifted. Carlisle thought the gene had died out with Ephraim Black, but I was not as convinced. Thus far none of our family's nomadic friends had been able to provide even a hint as to the answer, yet I had not detected the foul, repulsive, odious stench of werewolf anywhere near Bella, her home, school or anywhere else around Forks.

I had another hypothesis which I decided to discuss with Carlisle upon returning home one night after it appeared that Bella was resting peacefully.

Carlisle and Esme were reading in the living and were actually surprised to see me.

"_Good evening, Edward. We didn't expect to see you tonight,"_ Carlisle thought as I walked over to Esme, kissing her on the cheek.

"Bella seemed to be resting comfortably," I replied, smiling. "Since I did not need to hunt, I thought it would be a good opportunity to discuss my latest hypothesis concerning the wolves with you."

"I'm still not certain they're a threat any longer, but I would like to hear your theory."

Carlisle enjoyed a good mystery although he did not come across very many situations which confounded him after all these years so the whole wolf phenomenon intrigued him.

"What if the arrival of our kind was what triggered the activation of the genetic mutation in the first place? That would lead to the assumption that in the absence of vampires in the area, the gene would lay dormant," I said.

"That's an interesting proposal," my father mused. "If your hypothesis is correct, then the boys should begin to phase again because not only have you spent a considerable amount of time in Forks, but we now live closer to the reservation than we did when we resided in Hoquiam."

"I have not detected the malodorous scent of werewolf anywhere near Bella so if the boys are going to transform, they have not done so yet. There really is no way to know for sure until after it happens, but Bella's safety is my primary concern so I must consider every possibility."

"We understand you're worried," Esme said softly. "We already love Bella. I haven't said anything to you for fear of antagonizing your less positive tendencies, but I have seen the changes in you over the years and I know she is meant to be with you. She'll make you happy and you deserve happiness, Edward." Esme smiled.

"_And I can't wait to have another daughter to dote on, especially a human one."_

I didn't respond to Esme's thoughts, but just as I was about to smile, I latched onto one word in her mind – 'human'. If Esme believed that Bella should remain human, how could I ever change her?

_Fool. She didn't say you couldn't change her._

Carlisle immediately noticed the shift in my mood.

"Edward, I recognize that look on your face. What are you thinking?"

I didn't want to acknowledge that I had heard Esme. I was sure she didn't mean for me to listen. I shook my head, as Esme spoke. She seemed to know exactly what had caused the sudden change in my disposition.

"Edward, sweet boy, don't be ridiculous. I wasn't suggesting she should remain human forever. I expect that you'll change her eventually. I was just thinking about how fun it would be to cook for her and do other things with her that human mothers do, that's all. Please don't read anything else into it." Esme knew me too well.

"Edward," Carlisle called to me, pulling me out of my dark contemplations. "If Alice's vision had changed, she would have told us. Bella will become one of us. Stop agonizing over a decision that's ultimately hers to make."

"Just because she wants it doesn't make it right," I replied viciously. "We know better – we live with the consequences of what we are each and every day and we'll do so for all eternity. It's our responsibility to explain everything to her including all the gory, offensive details." I spat the words out, disgusted that I could have even for one moment considered changing Bella.

Carlisle realized there was no use arguing with me. I looked over at him as he shook his head while Esme glanced at me dolefully.

I was agitated and needed to run. I wanted to make sure Bella was still sleeping soundly so I made my way quickly back to Forks. The ache in my chest only ever lessened when I was around my sweet girl and I almost immediately felt the longing ease as I climbed in her bedroom window just as she called my name.

"I'm here, my Bella. Do not fret. I will remain with you always and will watch over you forever," I whispered, as I moved a piece of her hair off her cheek, tucking it behind her ear when I suddenly felt a familiar pleasurable pulse of electricity run through me. Although it no longer surprised me, I was still unsure what it meant, since it only occurred when I touched Bella. I knew I should have been repulsed by the urges the simple touch stirred within me, but I could not help but relish the feeling. I knew I wanted so much more; I wanted Bella in my arms. At that moment I realized I should not remain so close to her so I quickly moved to the opposite side of her room. Regardless, I was finally beginning to hope that I was meant to be in Bella's life and she in mine.

Bella sighed and a smile came across her face, and for that one fleeting moment I felt joy.

The momentary happiness I felt as I watched Bella sleep was quickly replaced by anxiety as Bella continued to spend time with Jacob Black. I wanted Bella to remain human, but I needed her to stay away from the boy and I was unable to influence her because I had yet to decide how best to approach her. The apprehension I felt whenever Bella was around Jacob was overwhelming and the angst I experienced was making it more difficult for me to keep my urges in check.

_What urges are those?_

The atrocious beast continued to rear its ugly head from time to time, but I had become more successful in my efforts to reject and ignore its degrading suppositions and innuendos. The only urge I currently experienced was the one prompting me to protect Bella from my overzealous desire to re-introduce myself to her. I needed to find a way to incorporate myself back into her life because the craving, the longing, and yes, the desire, for Bella to know the truth would only become more pronounced as time passed, and yet I still fought within myself between my desire for her humanity to persist and my need to spend eternity with her. I was having a difficult time reconciling the dueling and contradictory yearnings and yet one of those desires would eventually win out. The question was which one?

Even as I continued to watch Bella while trying to determine when would be the appropriate time to reveal myself to her, I remained constantly aware of my precise location in relation to where the treaty line was; it infuriated me that by staying on my side of the line, I would never be close enough to hear what occurred during Bella's visits to the reservation.

One day after Bella's mother had taken her to the Black's home, I made my decision. If I crossed the line just once, how would the Quileutes ever find out? Suddenly I felt my phone vibrate. Certain it was Alice, I was shocked to find that it was Carlisle. How did he know?

"Carlisle, is everything alright?"

"Yes, everything is fine at home, but what in the world are you contemplating? Alice ran over to me with an extreme look of panic on her face as she grabbed my phone, dialed your number and tossed the phone back to me before running off without so much as a word. What did she see that caused her such alarm?" Carlisle asked his voice full of worry and concern.

I was ashamed as I realized how close I had come to putting my entire family in danger. I sat down, hanging my head before answering him. "I almost followed Bella onto the reservation; I nearly broke the treaty. It's killing me to stay away from her when she spends so much time with Jacob Black. I need to know what's happening, Carlisle."

_You really are pathetic._

As I started berating myself for my stupidity I heard Carlisle on the other end of the phone.

"Edward, how could you even think of doing such a thing? I know you're suffering, but would you truly sacrifice everything?" Carlisle asked incredulously. "Did you even stop to think how the consequences of your actions would affect us _and_ Bella?"

I was unable to answer my father. I was embarrassed, remorseful and completely defeated. What had I become? Had I developed such a disregard for my family, that I would be willing to endanger their lives to satisfy my own curiosity?

_Yes._

No, I would not be that monster, but I seemed incapable of making logical choices at this time.

"Carlisle, what am I going to do?" I nearly sobbed.

"What you're _not_ going to do is step over the line," my father said firmly, disappointment laced in his voice. "You know as well as I do what problems that would cause for all of us and you don't really want that, do you?" Carlisle seemed certain of my answer, but I owed him a direct response.

"No, you're right. I'm sorry; I'm just beyond aggravated."

"I can only imagine, but if we're forced to leave the area, you'll have a far more difficult time reconciling with Bella," Carlisle replied. "Please be safe."

"Thank you, I will." With a long sigh, I ended the call.

There was nothing more I could do until Bella returned to my side of the treaty line so I decided to find Renee Swan and Sarah Black. They had decided to visit the Port Angeles Fine Arts Center for the day; perhaps I could gain some insight to Bella's mind and Jacob Black's intentions by listening to both their mothers.

The Port Angeles Fine Arts Center was located in the shadow of the Olympia National Park, which allowed me the opportunity to run fast through the forest in order to reach the center before the ladies went home. Upon my arrival it was quite easy to pick out Renee's mental signature; she was impressed with the thought-provoking exhibitions, all containing a northwest flavor, as well as with the center itself which was designed on a semi-circular hilltop gallery from which one could see the awe-inspiring vista of both marine and mountain views.

"_I'll have to bring Bella here; I'm sure she'll love it." _Renee thought. _"I hope she's enjoying her day with Jacob. He's such a nice boy and he seems to be able to distract her, ease some of her pain."_

"What do you think of the exhibits so far?" Sarah Black asked Renee.

"Everything is quite exquisite," Renee replied smiling. "I'd like to bring Bella here one day."

"Be sure to let me know when you do," Sarah said, chuckling. "The twins have enjoyed their visits and I'm sure they'd love to come back. Jacob hasn't been interested, but if you bring Bella, I'm sure he'd enjoy being exposed to the Arts."

"_No doubt," _Renee thought to herself before inquiring, "Has Jacob said anything about the time he spends with Bella?"

"_Should I tell her? My son hasn't said anything to me, but the girls have overheard several conversations…"_ Sarah was hesitant to respond, but she finally answered Renee's question. "Jacob has been very tight-lipped about his time with Bella. I'm sure they're just friends. Bella is after all a few years older, but Jacob can't seem to get enough time with her," Sarah sighed.

"Is that a bad thing?" asked Renee. _"Why would spending time with Bella be bad for Jacob?"_

"Oh, no, not at all," Sarah replied verbally before ruminating over her son's relationship with Bella. _"I hope he doesn't develop a crush on her. Our families get along so well, I'd hate for a misunderstanding to complicate the situation."_

"I'll talk with Bella. She's been through so much that all she wants, needs is a friend and she seems to have found that in Jacob," Renee said.

_"I'll have to make sure Bella is clear with Jacob so that he understands what she wants and doesn't want. It could cause problems if a rift developed between them," _Renee pondered.

So far their thoughts and conversations had not been very helpful. I was about to leave when I heard Renee think about Bella's nightmares.

"_I wonder if she's told him about her dreams; she's only shared a few with her father and me."_ Then Renee's mind flipped through image after image of one of the nightmares Bella had described to her mother. I saw Bella and Chris walking hand in hand through a lush meadow filled with flowers as the sun shone brightly around them as right before their eyes the flowers dried up, the green grass turned brown and the forest surrounding them became a desert. Chris was suddenly pulled away from Bella, disappearing into thin air, yet he continued to call out her name. Although Bella ran searching for Chris, her dream self was quickly overcome by heat causing her to fall. Bella continued to hear Chris beg for help, but even as she crawled on her hands and knees, she never found him. Ultimately, the silence of the desert closed in around her and she woke up crying.

I was stunned at the visual imagery Renee had conjured, knowing that those horrific scenes had apparently played over and over again in Bella's mind as she slept. I could remember the nights when she'd called out to him and now I was certain those images were what she had experienced. My heart went out to my sweet Bella, knowing that one day, if I allowed Alice's vision to come to fruition, she would no longer suffer the pain of her nightmares.

_But what about the pain she will suffer during her transformation?_

A quiver ran through my frozen body as I imagined what Alice's vision had not shown me – Bella lying deathly still for three days while undergoing the excruciating torment of her metamorphosis from a human to a vampire. How could I even consider allowing her to writhe in pain for my own egotistical desires?

_The memories of her dreams would eventually fade._

Yes, that would be true, but the pain of her transformation would be something she would never forget. I absolutely could not change her. I refused to be the cause of Bella's suffering.

_You're not the only vampire who could bite her._

No! None of my family would even dare consider it; they would not go against my wishes. If Bella was to be changed, I would do it or no one would.

_What if it's what Bella wants?_

I would somehow convince her that it was the wrong thing to desire. I would make sure she understood this existence was not glamorous, fascinating or good. We were soulless creatures of the dark, evil, damned forever. She was too good, too pure, too innocent to be turned into a monster.

I needed to re-focus my thoughts so I turned my attention back to Renee. I wondered if Bella had ever shared her dreams of me with her mother, but Renee's mind had already changed gears and was once more concentrating on the art and conversing with Sarah. Even though I knew Bella had never told her parents about me, my family or Tanya, I couldn't help but wish she would have shared the dreams, even if she had kept my identity a secret.

As the days turned into weeks and I continued to watch Bella as she slept, she periodically called out Chris's name, but she appeared less anxious when doing so. What had caused her dreams to change? Although I didn't want to admit it, I was certain it was that Quileute boy. I was certain he had somehow helped her; Renee had even thought that by Bella spending time with him, her pain had somehow diminished. I shuddered at the thought of his name.

_Jacob Black._

It angered me that he had accomplished what I had been unable to do.

Comfort her.

I was losing my patience and I could feel the anger take over as a small growl slipped through my teeth. Jacob Black would not have my Bella. He was a child and she did not love him. I had heard enough from Renee and Charlie to know that Bella only cared for Jacob as a friend. Unfortunately, because Bella spent her time with Jacob on the reservation, I had been unable to hear his mind and learn of his intentions. Why would he not visit Bella in Forks? It was so infuriating.

As I continued my vigil, Bella began her second year at Forks High School and while she had previously isolated herself from everyone, her current actions suggested she was interested in becoming acquainted with the other humans in her grade; she had even taken to eating lunch with a certain group while I observed from my hiding place in the trees which surrounded the school.

As I searched through the clamoring thoughts of the children in the cafeteria, I heard Mike Newton, one of the boys in the group who had an unhealthy obsession with Bella. Although she had rebuffed his advances time and time again, the boy continued to desire her even though he had temporarily chosen an easier target, a vapid girl named Jessica Stanley.

"_I really like Bella. Jessica's okay, but Bella's better. I'm going to find a way to get her to go out with me just as a friend. Maybe she'll go if there's a group; I'll just hang out with her."_

As I listened to Mike, his thoughts became more perverted as the lunch hour progressed and I realized that I needed to quickly find another mind to focus on as my fingers penetrated deep into the bark of one of the larger branches on the tree as I snapped it in half as if it were a tiny twig.

Jessica Stanley, Mike's alleged girlfriend, pretended to be a friend to Bella; nevertheless her mind was filled with jealousy.

"_She's not even pretty. I don't know why all the boys are so attracted to her. She was good for one thing at least – hanging around her made Mike finally pay attention to me."_

Tyler Crowley was another fellow, headstrong and cocky, with an eye for Bella.

"_Mike thinks he's so hot, but Bella turned him down just as fast as she put down the rest of us. I'll show him, though. I'll get Bella to change her mind as soon as I dump Lauren. Well, maybe I should get Bella first and then dump Lauren, just to play it safe."_

Tyler's mind became even more twisted than Mike's and as my desire to exterminate all those who spoke ill of Bella escalated, I discovered that my fingers had found their way through the center of yet another branch similar to the one I had previously grasped. I knew I was losing control as Tyler's mind continued to show how incorrigible he actually was.

Hoping that his girlfriend, Lauren Mallory, would have kinder thoughts of Bella, I quickly diverted my attention to her as she sat eating lunch with Bella; however, I was instantly disappointed as her distaste for Bella was clearly evident on her face, as well as in her thoughts.

"_She thinks she's all that, but I have news for her. If she even looks at Tyler I'll take her eyes out. Jessica is so pathetic. I know she doesn't like Bella, but she'll pretend to be her friend just because Mike can't seem to stay away from Bella. Jessica is just pitiful."_

Petty child. I'd like to see her try to harm my girl. I would show Lauren a thing or two as I instantaneously severed yet another branch from the tree before it disintegrated into sawdust. As I opened my hand, I watched as the minute particles of wood floated through the air before landing on the green grass, coating it as if it were snow. I shook my head in an attempt to clear my mind of the malicious thoughts I'd heard.

Eric Yorkie, one of the students who first spoke with Bella a year ago, always tried to help her, but in an awkward sort of way. He seemed unhappy that Mike had originally tried to claim Bella as his own since most of the girls at the school sought after Mike, but Eric had been pleased by Bella's rejection of Mike until he realized she would dismiss his advances as well. His thoughts though were not nearly as distorted as the other boys' minds had been. Eric's friend, Katie Marshall, was shy and quiet. She interacted with Bella slightly more than the others as she lived around the corner from the Swans. Katie's thoughts did not contain jealousy or hatred toward Bella, rather she only wished to be part of the group in any capacity.

Finally there was Ben Cheney and his girlfriend, Angela Weber, who was a rather quiet girl, as shy as Bella. Angela's thoughts were kind and she seemed to be the only person at the table interested in truly being Bella's friend. It seemed that while Bella did not befriend anyone during her previous year, she had spoken with Angela more than most. Now that Bella appeared to be at least somewhat inclined to act friendly toward her classmates, Angela desired to become better acquainted with her.

If I ever had any influence over Bella, I would certainly encourage her to become friends with Angela.

As I listened to Bella's classmates and watched her through the minds of those around her, I learned that in consideration of Bella's excellent academic record, she had been encouraged to take advanced classes with the possibility of graduating a year early which was music to my ears. I rejoiced at the possibility of Bella moving away from home – away from Jacob Black and the reservation. The sooner she left her parents' home the sooner I could renew our relationship for I would certainly follow wherever she went, regardless of the location. Of course, should she decide to attend a university in Florida or some other extremely sunny locale, it would, without a doubt, prove difficult, but I would not stay away.

I was anxious to learn which university Bella had chosen and was exceptionally pleased when I overheard Bella and Angela discussing the possibilities.

"Are you really considering graduating early?" Angela asked quietly.

"Yeah, I think it's for the best. I really feel like I need to find my own way, even though my parents aren't totally thrilled with the idea," Bella replied.

I was certain she would desire her parents' support which I hoped would be forthcoming. I could not imagine how or why they would prevent her from pursuing a college education albeit a little earlier than they anticipated if it would make her happy.

"It seems we're just getting to know each other and before you know it, you'll be gone," Angela said sadly. "_It's just my luck that I find someone who seems to understand me and who's not interested in the usual high school drama and soon she'll leave."_

"It won't be too bad," Bella smiled. "Aren't you thinking about going to the University of Washington?"

Angela nodded as Bella continued. "Well, that's where I want to go if I get accepted. Just think about it, I'll know all the ins and outs by the time you get there." Bella grinned at Angela who smiled back.

"Well, maybe I could come visit; you won't be that far away," Angela said as she tried to smile. _"It would be hard to get away; it seems my help is always needed at home, but it would be a lot of fun."_

"That would be great!" Bella exclaimed excitedly. She appeared so happy – how could I ever take that away from her; once again I felt the all too familiar pang of misery creep through me.

Bella seemed content with her decision to take an interest in becoming better acquainted with her classmates at school. I hoped she would begin to spend time with them rather than Jacob Black. Although Bella was not actually happy, at least she appeared less sad; it was pleasing to observe even a slight change in her countenance. It appeared, however, that there was one thing that had not changed. Bella still had an extreme distaste for celebrating her birthday. Her parents were disappointed when Bella once more refused to celebrate. From all my years interacting with humans, it seemed that most teenagers were excited to celebrate the milestone of turning sixteen due in large part to their desire to obtain a driver's license. Once again, Bella seemed to be an anomaly, an enigma which made me love her even more.

My days continued with little change or diversion – I spent my time following Bella from her home to school and back again with a few visits to the reservation at which times I would remain less than patiently at the treaty line waiting for her return. Occasionally I would follow Renee and Sarah, but I rarely learned anything insightful regarding Jacob's true feelings for Bella or anything about the wolves during the times I shadowed them.

As another round of holidays approached, Bella seemed more distracted than usual, but the reasons remained a mystery to me, her mind as silent as ever. From the thoughts of those around her, it became apparent that no one understood her reluctance to celebrate and her desire for solitude. Jessica Stanley had invited Bella to a New Year's Eve celebration at her home, but Bella had declined, not providing an explanation – only a polite refusal to attend. Why would she choose to spend the evening alone when the majority of the world was celebrating the end of one year and the beginning of another, unless she was planning on meeting Jacob Black? Was he the one Bella wished to celebrate the occasion with? Had I waited too long? Had I missed a clue as to Bella's intentions toward Jacob? The seed of pain that had implanted itself deep within my core had begun to unwind its torturous tendrils through my icy hard body when I pondered the possibility that due to my own indecision, I may have lost Bella again.

_Stop_.

Why did I always jump to such negative conclusions? I knew I had made mistakes, killed people even, but was I truly such a contemptible monster that I deserved not even one shred of happiness? Surely, if Bella was my mate, I deserved to be with her. I was so tired of fighting against the warring emotions – I only wanted to be with Bella.

As I turned my attention back to Renee who was laughing with Charlie as she primped and prepared to leave for a party that evening, her thoughts returned to her daughter and how emphatic my girl had been regarding her desire to remain home that evening, alone. I saw Bella through her parents' minds as she sat in her room. Although I was pleasantly surprised when she remained home, knowing now that she was not seeing that boy, I was also saddened that she was sitting alone, staring at her computer.

I knew that once her parents were gone, I would no longer be able to see Bella, so I relocated to a different tree from which I could easily see Bella through her bedroom window. I smiled to myself as I continued to gaze upon her beauty when I was abruptly brought out of my meditation when I heard Bella take a deep breath and then sigh. I wished I knew what she was thinking, the silence of her mind a complete mystery for me. What I wouldn't give to hear her precious thoughts. At that moment, I saw her pick up her SAT study materials and she began to prepare for the test. If only I knew what Bella wanted, needed and why she had stayed home when every other person on the planet rejoiced on this day.

_Why are you not celebrating?_

What was one more year when eternity was before me? Time meant little to our kind although it would mean more to me once Bella was in my life, in my arms, by my side.

_Perhaps she's waiting for the same thing._

Why would Bella think of me?

_She loves you._

Was it possible that she was aware of her feelings for me? Even if she were destined to be with me for all eternity, she had spent nearly half of her life away from me while I silently watched from the sidelines. She would not learn of her feelings for me, if she even had any, until I allowed her to see me again. Surely she had not suffered all these years as I had? I fought against myself as I began to ponder the possibility that Bella needed me as much as I needed her, but only time would tell. I only hoped that one day Alice's vision would come true and that I could actually make her happy for there was no doubt in my mind that Bella was my life now.

As winter turned into spring, Bella obtained her driver's license. The excitement on her face filled my silent heart with delight as I listened to her conversation with Renee.

"I never had any doubt you'd be driving us home," Renee said, smiling proudly as only a mother could. _"I'm so relieved she passed; it seems things are finally beginning to come together for my girl."_

"I'm glad _you_ were so confident," Bella replied as she held onto the steering wheel firmly while staring intently out the windshield, completely focused on the road ahead.

Bella was so smart, capable, adept - how could she doubt herself? It was difficult for me to understand. As far as I was concerned, Bella was perfect in every possible way.

"At least you're not going to have to drive in a big city with all kinds of lunatics. It could have been much worse," her mother said as she laughed, her mind wandering to Phoenix and the near misses Renee herself had experienced over the years.

"That may be true, but I do miss being in a city. Sierra Vista was small compared to Phoenix and Frankfurt, but it was a sprawling metropolis compared to Forks," Bella told her mother sadly. "I miss Arizona."

"I do as well, but I think your father made the right choice."

I knew I was certainly glad for Charlie Swan and the decision he made to move to Forks, even if it meant dealing with the wolves again.

"I suppose; living in Forks has helped me feel a little bit better," Bella said as she tried to smile.

"No, Jacob Black has helped you." Renee looked at Bella, an evil grin on her face. _"I know she continues to believe they're only friends, but he has helped her so much and he comes from such a wonderful family, I wouldn't object if they started dating, even though she's older than he is."_

"No way. Whatever you're thinking, it's not happening. Just stop. Jake and I are only friends." Bella shook her head, a frustrated look on her face as she glanced over at her mother.

"Okay, okay, just friends," Renee chuckled as she held up her hands in apparent surrender.

I had hoped that she would give up the idea of Bella and Jacob becoming anything more than friends, but her thoughts betrayed her as she envisioned Bella and Jacob together in a few years. I felt a snarl escape from my lips as I left to go hunt. I couldn't bear to see any more of Renee's mental images.

As Bella's sophomore year at Forks High School came to a conclusion, she appeared more content than she had been in quite some time. One day in particular caused her precious heart to beat faster as I watched Bella through Renee's mind.

"What have you got there?" Renee inquired of Bella. _"I know those are her AP test scores. I hope she passed, although if she didn't perhaps we'd be able to keep her home for another year. I'm not ready for my baby to grow up."_

"The results of my AP exams," Bella replied as she nervously fiddled with the envelope in her hand.

"I'm sure you did very well," Renee said smiling. "Come on, open it. What are you waiting for?"

"Okay, here's goes nothing," Bella said, holding her breath as she opened the envelope, staring at its contents.

Bella's eyes opened wide, the excitement and exhilaration clearly visible as she shouted, "I passed all my tests!"

Bella ran over to Renee, hugging her tightly as Renee's mind came to the realization that Bella was in fact growing up. _"I haven't seen her so happy, excited in years," _Renee thought. _"If this is what makes her smile, how can I be against it?"_

I suddenly thought about Alice's vision. What if Bella would be that happy to become one of us? Would I give in to her desire or would I refuse? It didn't matter; it wasn't the same thing. If Bella became unhappy or dissatisfied with her college experience, she could return home or transfer to a different school. Once Bella was a vampire, there was no going back. It was permanent. No matter how much she may glamorize the idea of living forever, thinking about it and doing it were two totally different things.

Bella couldn't wait for her father to get home from work to give him the news so she had called him up. She had seemed pleased with his reaction and upon Charlie's arrival at the house, he seemed to understand just how important this decision was to his daughter.

"_I really don't want her to go so soon, but I had hoped, wished that something, anything would breathe life back into my daughter and if this is what she wants, then this is what Bella will get."_

Bella wasted no time in continuing her preparations as I watched her through her parents' minds. Charlie, after seeing what Bella was doing, retired to the living room to watch television. Renee on the other hand, divided her time between watching Charlie watch TV and watching Bella study for her SAT and work on her application to the University of Washington. I had no doubt that Bella would be accepted to the university, but perhaps I would monitor the admissions process just in case. It seemed I was as anxious as Bella for her to move out of Forks; unfortunately Bella noticed that her parents were not quite as excited as she was.

"Aren't you happy for me?" Bella asked, her voice laced with disappointment as she walked into the living room where Charlie and Renee sat.

"We're very proud of you, Bella," Charlie said. "It's just hard to watch my baby girl grow up so fast." _"Who will take care of her in Seattle? She's been through so much; I can't help but be worried about her safety."_

"I am happy for you," Renee's voice cracked as she spoke, a few tears escaping down her cheek. _"I __know she thinks she wants to graduate early and she seems so excited about it, but would it be so horrible for her to stay home one more year? I'm going to miss her terribly when she's gone."_

"I haven't been accepted yet, so don't start making plans for my room," Bella laughed, apparently trying to bring some levity back into the situation. For the first time in years she genuinely seemed happy.

I followed my typical pattern of watching Bella over the course of the summer as she went back and forth between her house and the reservation. It became clear to me that the time she spent with Jacob Black helped put her at ease and it was upsetting to me that she seemed to feel better after her visits with him. I could not, however, be upset that her mood was almost cheerful upon returning home. I wanted to be the one to comfort Bella, but I still had no idea how I should re-introduce myself to her and thus far Alice had not been able to provide me with much guidance.

I had spent the better part of a Saturday tailing Bella's mother as well as Sarah Black and Sue Clearwater when my phone rang.

"Alice, is everything alright?"

"Edward, I know you need to hunt, but you need to go to the hospital."

"Why?" I asked as I started running.

"Renee will be taking Bella there," Alice said quietly.

"What happened?" I was beginning to lose my patience.

"Get to the road out of La Push; Renee will be picking up Bella shortly and then taking her to the hospital. You'll get your answers," Alice replied urgently.

It did not take long before I heard Bella and Renee.

"Why did you hit Jacob to begin with?" Renee asked. _"I hope he didn't do anything inappropriate; how would I break the news to Charlie?"_

I hoped for Jacob Black's sake that he hadn't behaved improperly toward Bella. The rage, fury, hatred that began to consume me as I imagined what would have driven Bella to feel the need to defend herself against the boy was overwhelming. It wasn't until I heard Bella that I realized how I had overreacted. Again.

"We were just joking around; I didn't realize he was so solid," Bella said. She seemed genuinely surprised.

"Have you taken a look at him lately? He's becoming quite a hunk," Renee said, laughing. _"Thank goodness nothing bad happened, well nothing that will send Charlie off the deep end. I can't even begin to imagine what Charlie would have done to the boy if Jacob had done something really wrong." _

"Mom, really? He's like a little brother to me!" The relief that flooded over me upon hearing Bella's words filled my frozen heart with joy.

_She does not want him; I still have a chance_.

_You better hurry – Bella's too beautiful, too precious to stay single for long._

Renee's voice brought me out of my trance. "He seems mature for his age and he's a really nice kid." Why did her mother continue to push that boy on Bella? It seemed to me Bella had made her position very clear.

"Mom, we're just friends. That's it. Nothing else. Not ever." Bella was adamant and I had not felt such relief in a very long time.

"Well, I hope you've made that clear to Jacob. I'm not sure he feels the same way," Renee said quietly.

"What do you mean? He knows very well we're just friends. Have you been talking to his mom?" Bella was very perceptive, but it was clear that Renee was not going to tell Bella about the conversation she had with Sarah Black.

"As long as you've been truthful with him, that's all I ask. You guys spend a lot of time together; I'd hate to see him get his feelings hurt."

"Well if he does, it's his own fault. I've made my intentions crystal clear," Bella said in a huff, still holding her damaged hand as she stared out the car window.

It did not take long for Bella and her mother to get to the hospital; everyone seemed to know them personally, most likely from all of Bella's visits for minor bumps, bruises, abrasions and fractures which were precisely what had happened to Bella when she punched Jacob. What I did not understand was why and how Jacob Black's body could have been so dense that she would have injured her hand by hitting him; I needed to speak with Carlisle so while Bella was sleeping I returned home.

"Carlisle, I need to speak with you," I said before heading into this study.

"_What seems to be troubling you?"_

"Bella fractured her hand after punching Jacob Black."

"Why does that concern you, besides the fact that he upset her enough she felt the need to hurt him in the first place?" Carlisle asked as he raised an eyebrow and peered over at me questioningly.

"I don't believe she hit him that hard and from what I could gather from her conversation with her mother, she did not intend to injure him. Bella also said several times that Jacob felt solid. What would cause him to be less pliable than other humans? Normal human bodies are not typically that unyielding, inflexible, Carlisle."

"_That is rather interesting. I don't suppose Bella has brittle bones?"_

"I was able to take a glimpse at her x-rays and there does not appear to be anything wrong with her bones, except for the hairline fracture in her hand. Do you suppose Jacob's beginning to change?"

"You have been spending a lot of time in and around Forks and we live very close to the reservation. I suppose anything's possible. Unfortunately, there's nothing we can do but watch and wait. And be careful," Carlisle replied.

I was beyond agitated just thinking about Jacob Black phasing into a wolf with Bella spending so much time around him. If he hurt her in any way, nothing and no one would be able to stop me from killing him. I couldn't help myself as I considering tearing him from limb to limb when I heard Alice.

"_No – you will not harm the boy. And yes, so far he is still human. What would that do to Bella? Have you lost your mind? By the way, when are you going to make your move? Your indecision is killing me. She and I will be great friends one day, but everything hinges on you. Come on, Edward, what's holding you up? As if I didn't know."_

Alice was rambling; I hadn't heard her so anxious in ages. Of course I wouldn't really hurt the boy, but it felt good to think about it. And I should not have been surprised that Alice was unable to tell me when I would meet Bella again since I hadn't decided myself.

**-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o**

Fortunately the remainder of Bella's summer was uneventful and quickly came to an end as she began her junior year of high school. Her birthday was drawing near and once again her parents wanted to celebrate, but this time they had apparently gone ahead and made plans without consulting her first.

Charlie Swan's mind was usually quiet if he was not focused on police business so I was surprised to hear his thoughts concerning Bella's seventeenth birthday.

"_I know Bella prefers to ignore her birthday, but it will be her last one before going to college. I'm not really ready for her to leave; I want to celebrate all her accomplishments – I think I'll invite Billy and his family over. I don't think Bella will mind."_

Charlie had discussed his plan with Renee and she agreed there was much to be thankful for so the plan was put in motion. I was anxious to discover how Bella would react.

"Bella, we want to celebrate," Renee said a few days before Bella's birthday.

"What do you want to do?" Bella asked.

Bella's response apparently not only surprised me, but her mother as well.

"_What? No argument? I was certain we'd have to fight with her. This seems too good to be true."_

I had been concerned about Bella's apparent distaste for celebrating the miraculous day of her birth and I had planned on memorializing that special day each year once she became mine; I would never allow her birthday to be forgotten or unnoticed.

"Um, your father invited the Black's over for dinner and birthday cake. Is that okay with you?" Renee asked hesitantly as she watched Bella, waiting for her reaction.

What astonished me was Bella's response. "Okay. That's fine," she replied. I was not pleased that Jacob Black would once again be spending time with Bella, but at least he would be at her home and I would finally be able to hear his thoughts. That alone could be worth his interference on the day I wished I could celebrate with her.

Several days later, on Bella's birthday as the Blacks approached her home, I heard Jacob Black for the first time and I truly wanted to kill him.

"_I can't wait to see Bella. I hope she likes my gift. And I hope she likes the truck. She said she only wants to be friends, but I really like her."_

I was so consumed by the boy's thoughts that I did not hear anything from the rest of his family. Before I realized what had happened, they'd arrived at the Swan home in two different vehicles, a sedan and an ancient red truck, the color having faded drastically. It had big, rounded fenders and a bulbous cab. Suddenly I heard Charlie.

"_I hope Bella likes the truck. I know she's not expecting to have a car of her own, but Jake did a great job helping to rebuild the engine and there's no way Bella can destroy this monster."_

I could not believe Charlie Swan was actually going to allow his daughter to drive that archaic atrocity. I would never permit that; I would buy her something with airbags. Her father, who always seemed so concerned for her welfare, had certainly lost his mind.

"Bella, come downstairs. The Blacks are here." Renee called as she opened the door for the Black family.

"Coming," Bella called out as she too quickly ran down the stairs. I held my breath for fear of her falling down due to her unusual speed, as she ran out the door following behind her parents.

"So, Bella, what do you think?" Charlie asked.

"Think about what?" Bella apparently had no idea what her parents were planning for her birthday.

"Your truck," Renee squealed. The shocked surprise in Bella's expression was evident as she gaped at the ancient vehicle that now blocked the driveway. She turned her head to look at her mother, as the surprise in her face changed to delight.

"Wow, I love it! Thanks!" The smile on Bella's face was magnificent.

"I'm glad you like it," Renee said happily as Sarah Black handed Bella the keys.

"I helped rebuild the engine," Jacob said proudly. _"She'll think of me every time she drives it."_ Jacob Black was really beginning to grate on my nerves.

"Holy crow! That's terrific! Let's go for a ride," Bella said as she jumped into the cab. I wanted to yank her out of the horrid death trap her father called a truck.

"How about after we have dinner and your cake?" Renee asked as she thought "_I'd rather she wait until tomorrow. I'm sure the truck runs fine, but I don't want her to get stuck and have to worry about getting it towed in the middle of the night."_

I was impressed by Renee's thoughts; it seemed she was finally beginning to behave like a mother to Bella.

"Okay, after dinner," Bella stated cheerfully as she walked into the house with Jacob following closely behind.

I prayed that she would wait for another day, or perhaps a date in the far distant future. I had no desire for my precious Bella to drive in that monstrosity.

"_I can't believe my baby's all grown up. Hard to imagine that this time next year she'll be in college."_

As Charlie came to the realization that Bella was growing up, for a split second my thoughts turned to my human parents and how they might have felt watching me grow up. Having spent so much time observing Bella and listening to her parents as they saw their only child blossom into a lovely young woman, knowing all the while that she would some day leave home, only served to remind me that if Bella chose to join my family she would be leaving her parents behind permanently. The thought of Charlie and Renee one day learning that their daughter was 'dead' sent shock-waves through my body; I could not even begin to imagine the severity of the pain they would suffer at losing Bella. I suppose it was fortunate that my parents had died before me so they never had to endure living life after the loss of their only child. I was unable to fathom living without Bella – how would her parents fare?

As the evening progressed, it was obvious that the parents of both families hoped that some sort of relationship would develop between Jacob and Bella even though she had made her feelings abundantly clear numerous times to both her mother and Jacob.

"_I knew Bella would like the truck and since Jake played a part in rebuilding the engine, hopefully it will remind her of him when she drives it."_

I shuddered at Billy Black's thoughts; not only was I concerned about the structural integrity of the vehicle, but the fact that a fifteen year old boy assisted in rebuilding the engine caused me even greater concern. I could only hope that Jacob's father's trust in his son's abilities was not misplaced, for Bella's sake.

Perhaps I should ask Rosalie to sneak a peek at it one night. Surely, my sister would be able to tell if the darn thing was properly rebuilt. The question was though if she would even consider helping me out like that, considering how very adamant she was in her aversion to me changing Bella.

"_Isn't it so sweet that Jacob was able to take part in getting the truck ready for Bella? I know she only wants to be friends and truthfully Jacob is too young to have a serious girlfriend, he's only fifteen, but Bella's such a sweet girl. I hope they can remain friends for a while and when he's a bit older, perhaps they can become closer. They're so cute together."_

Sarah Black should look at some of the girls on the reservation for her son or she would be severely disappointed. Bella was _mine._

"_I can't believe Bella accepted the truck without a fuss. I only hope it's safe. I know Jacob has done quite a bit of auto work and I can't find any fault with the truck. I actually enjoyed taking it out for a drive on several occasions and it ran great for being so old."_

I did not recall Charlie driving the truck, but he had probably gone to the reservation to keep it a secret from Bella.

Renee's mind had been fairly quiet with the exception of the occasional thought of how Bella was growing up too quickly. I could only hope that her parents would approve of me once I had an opportunity to see Bella again. It had become obvious that although Bella did not always do what her parents wanted or expected, she nevertheless sought their approval.

Jacob's thoughts were beleaguering, but I forced myself to listen because I had to know what his intentions were toward Bella, and somehow he seemed to know what was in Bella's beautiful mind even though his perception was skewed.

"_I knew she'd love it. I can't wait to tell her how much work I put into the truck. I was glad her dad bought it; I can't wait to start working on the Rabbit. The truck is one more thing we have in common – __one more way for me to make her see that we can be more than friends. I know she'll eventually like me; I'm the only guy she ever hangs out with. But how am I going to convince her to stay home and not go to college? That's going to be a problem. Oh well, I'll figure it out."_

Good riddance was all I could say to Jacob Black. The sooner I got Bella away from him, the better off she would be. It took all the effort I had to not run into the house at that moment and take Bella away that instant. I wanted, no needed, to spend time with her and my desire to tell her how I felt was overwhelming. I knew the time to reveal myself to Bella would soon be near, but what would she do? How would she react? How would I tell her what I was? There were still so many unanswered questions.

After dinner had been eaten and the cake had been served, everyone went into the living room except Jacob and Bella. Much to my dismay, they decided to go for a walk.

"Bella, I have something for you." Hearing the tone of Jacob's voice irritated me and hearing his thoughts was even worse. _"She's going to love my gift. She'll think of me every night before she goes to sleep."_

As I listened to Jacob I saw a picture of the dream catcher he was planning to give Bella. How ridiculous. If that was all it would have taken to make Bella's nightmares go away, she would have had one a long time ago because I would have gotten one for her. I would have not watched Bella suffer night after night if there had been a way to prevent those nightmares. I shook my head, waiting for her to scoff at the useless gift.

"Jake, I said no presents. You know I don't like gifts."

I chuckled to myself at the foolish mistake he'd made. Surely that had to be another strike against him, another reason for Bella to dislike Jacob and I was certain she wouldn't like his present. I would eventually have to change her mind about accepting gifts once she became mine because I planned on spoiling her and bestowing tokens of my love on her continuously. The thought of Bella surrounded by mementos of my admiration for her caused a smile to creep slowly upon my face until I heard Jacob's voice.

"No," he laughed. "What you said was that you liked the homemade kind."

"Alright, you got me there. So what did you get me?"

I couldn't wait for Bella to show her displeasure at the trinket Jacob was about to give her, especially if she thought he was trying to be more than just a friend.

"Close your eyes and put out your hands," Jacob replied, smiling.

"Jacob, I don't like surprises," Bella stated emphatically as she attempted to appear intimidating. Rosalie could pull off the look, but Bella was too sweet, too innocent. That was something else I'd have to change – or at least make a concerted effort to change. I wanted to lavish all sorts of wonderful things on Bella and I would love to surprise her time and time again. I would have to make sure she changed that personality characteristic before becoming one of us, because otherwise she'd hate surprises forever.

_Will she now? Have you decided to change her then?_

What was I thinking? I could not do that to Bella. In my exuberance in wanting to give her everything, I had momentarily forgotten that the one thing I wouldn't change about Bella was her humanity. No matter how much I wanted to keep her forever, I could not change her. I would have to be satisfied with the sixty or seventy years I would have with Bella as a human.

_You're more ridiculous than the boy. He actually believes he has a chance with Bella while you think she won't want to spend eternity with you. Who's the real fool?_

I knew why the beast was trying so hard to change my mind – it only wanted to taste her blood. It wanted to convince me to change her so that it could finally have what it wanted, but I would never give in. Her blood would never touch my lips. Hearing the boy's irritating voice brought me out of my inner turmoil.

"Come on, Bells, please," Jacob pleaded. The conniving youngster seemed to know exactly how to manipulate Bella.

"Okay," she replied with an exasperated sigh, closing her eyes as she cupped her palms together and put her hands in front of her body, waiting for the gift.

"Happy birthday, Bella," Jacob whispered before placing the dream catcher in her hands. The gift appeared innocent enough, but what followed was not and I nearly lost all control when he placed his repulsive lips on her cheek, kissing _my _Bella.

_She is not even yours yet and it seems you're losing her before you can even claim her._

Was I too late? The thought alone was impossible, inconceivable and utterly preposterous. I was certain that if Bella's future had changed in such a dramatic fashion Alice would have immediately advised me; however, I was unable to fend off the wide variety of emotions that seemed to flood over me. The emotions that flew across Bella's face were not difficult to understand even though her mind was closed off to me as her facial expressions went from confusion to disgust and then anger. Although it seemed Bella was extremely unhappy by Jacob's actions, I could not rein in my own anger, my fury that the boy had dared to touch her in such an intimate fashion. My fingers curled into fists as I dug them into my palms, causing indentations to form by the pressure of my nails against my icy skin.

I felt myself trembling as the ire became more intense, turning into nearly blind rage. Before I realized what was happening, a growl erupted from somewhere deep down where the monster resided. As soon as the animalistic snarl resounded through the air, I stood as still as a statute, shocked, knowing that it had been me who made the noise. It was evident that Bella had heard the inhuman sound I had released, as I saw her face fill with fear – fear of me. Jacob's thoughts were jumbled, as he thought of bears and wolves, grabbing Bella's hand and pulling her back down the path toward the Swan's home. I heard Bella's frenzied heartbeat and knew I should leave before totally losing control, but I refused to go until I knew how she truly felt about his gift and the kiss.

_You're just jealous that you have not yet graced her face with your lips. _

Ignoring the malicious voice in my head, I focused on Bella's breathing and heart rate to return my attention back to the matter at hand.

"Jacob, what was that sound?" Bella asked as she attempted to regain control over her breathing.

"I don't know what that was, but it sounded really close. We should tell your dad," Jacob replied before Bella turned to face him.

"Oh, thanks for the gift, but the kiss was a bit too much, don't you think?" I was filled with glee as she rebuffed the boy's actions. However, Jacob would not be so easily dissuaded.

"I'm glad you liked the dream catcher; you're always telling me about your nightmares so I thought it would be perfect. As for the kiss, can't friends kiss each other on the cheek for their birthday?" His eyes glowed with what I knew was desire as I heard what he had not said to Bella.

"_I'll show her what she means to me. This was just the first kiss. Eventually Bella will see me for what I am – her boyfriend."_

I felt my phone vibrate, but it was too late. The thunderous roar that exploded from my throat startled me and shocked Bella as well, her eyes widened in horror at the sound. I had proven that I was truly the monster I had feared; I had been unable to restrain the abhorrent creature I was, so I sped away, knocking down trees and anything else that attempted to impede my path.

As I reached home I crumbled to the ground for I knew I had lost Bella before even truly claiming her for my own. My rage was unstoppable, my anguish extreme, and the monster I tried so hard to subjugate had finally triumphed over the last remaining morsel of my humanity. My hands pushed my fingers through my wind-blown locks as I grasped each strand by the root wishing with every yank, tug, pull that it would come out; I wanted to find a mass of hair in my hands, for if I did, I would have been human. Unfortunately, and unsurprisingly, not even one strand was loosed.

Jasper walked toward me with Alice in tow. I knew he was attempting to provide me with some peace. I could only imagine what Alice had seen and told Jasper, but I wanted nothing. I was mentally exhausted, all energy expended by too many years of concern, focus, fixation on one human girl. The fact that I had admitted my love for her was meaningless and only served to cause more heartache. I laughed mockingly at myself – as if I could even experience a broken heart. A frozen heart, yes, but fractured one, no. What sat in the space where one's heart should be was nothing but an impenetrable, frigid mass of nothingness.

"Edward, stop," Alice said emphatically. "You don't know what you're doing. Everything's changed now. What have you done?"

Alice knew exactly what I was planning on doing – I was leaving, but not just the city or state. I would leave the country, the continent and traverse a course which would ultimately take me to _the_ place farthest away from Bella. I would remain there forever or at least until the end of Bella's life. The sickened, terrified expression on her face would forever be emblazoned in my memories and I never wanted her to be terrorized by me ever again.

Jasper had continued his attempt to calm me, sending me peaceful waves, but I was past being able to compose myself. I only needed to get away.

As I stood up to leave, Alice called out to me, distracting me when I suddenly felt strong arms around me. I turned my head to see Jasper and Emmett restraining me.

"What are you doing?" The words flew out from my mouth angrily, as my lips turned into a nasty sneer.

"_If you're not going to voluntarily listen to reason, we'll hold you here until you do."_ Jasper was nothing if not logical.

"_Eddie, I can't let you do this again. I don't usually say it, but you're important to me, dude and to the rest of the family. We're not going to let you act stupid again."_ Emmett. It was not surprising in the least that Alice had recruited both my brothers to her cause. I would have been able to get away from Jasper, but the only way I would be able to extricate myself from my both my brothers' grasps would involve injuring at least one, if not all of us.

As my brothers felt some of the tension in my body release, they wondered what to do. Neither of them wanted to hurt me nor I them. As I listened to all the thoughts around me, it was Alice who once more convinced me to stay as I saw Bella's future both with me and without.

I watched as Bella and I ran, hand in hand, through glorious forests filled with blooms and blossoms of every kind before finding ourselves in the majestic meadow as the sun shone round about as we both sparkled effulgently in the sunlight. The smile on Bella's face was the most astonishingly magnificent thing I had ever seen. How could she be so very delighted to be a monster?

_She does not believe you to be a monster._

Abruptly Alice's vision changed. Bella was obviously human as I saw her walking with her head down, following the sidewalk on a bright sunny day. She was most definitely not a vampire; she did not sparkle in the sunlight. However, she was sad, despondent and alone. She appeared to be in her late twenties or early thirties, still stunningly beautiful, but the happiness I had seen in Alice's previous vision was gone. As she walked down the street I realized she was entering the same home she currently lived in and upon her arrival it was clear that she was still living with her parents.

"If you leave, Bella will most definitely remain human, but she will never be happy," Alice remarked sadly.

"But Alice, didn't you see the look on her face when I lost control and she heard me? How can you be certain she won't hate me?"

"Did you not see how happy she was as one of us?" Alice inquired.

Under her continued badgering, I resigned myself and Bella to our fate. "Okay, I'll stay. I hope you're right," I replied to Alice with a despondent sigh. "I'll do what you ask."

My will to leave had already begun to waver and upon seeing Alice's visions I knew I could never leave Bella, even if I believed she would be better off without me. Apparently Bella would not be happy without me no matter how much I wished it to be.

I could feel Jasper's wave of calm finally take over as my brothers' released their grip on me.

"You've really got to stop over-reacting," Emmett said. "I'd really hate to hurt you," he continued, laughing loudly.

"_Well, I'll be damned. Edward actually stopped long enough to listen? Impossible. That's like telling a human not to breathe,"_ Rose thought as she walked over to Emmett.

**-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o**

According to what Alice had been able to discern from her visions, Bella had not spent much time with Jacob Black since her birthday, and since I had left early when I lost control I did not know what had upset her later that evening. The one thing I had realized was that Bella's nightmares had returned with a vengeance. As Thanksgiving approached I expected the Swans and Blacks to have made plans for the holiday. They were, after all, close family friends, but for some reason that did not occur. It was rather disappointing to me as I had hoped to discover what had occurred on her birthday after I had left, but it appeared I was not the only one disappointed. Bella was, as well. One day she decided to call the Blacks to find out exactly what was wrong with Jacob; however, I was only able to hear her end of the conversation.

"Billy, hi. It's Bella. Is Jacob there?"

"Wow, I didn't know. Have you told Charlie?"

"Oh. Okay, thanks. Will you please just tell Jake I called?"

It did not seem Bella was satisfied with whatever Billy Black had told her so she turned to her mother.

"Mom, have you talked with Jacob's mother lately?"

"No, honey I haven't. Why do you ask?" Renee looked at Bella, a rather curious expression on her face.

"It's just that, well, I think he's mad at me. I tried to call him, but his dad said Jacob had mono."

"Let me call Sarah and find out." Renee immediately picked up the phone and placed the call.

"So?" Bella inquired after her mother had hung up the phone.

"Yes, apparently he does have mono, a really bad case. He's not doing well and can't have any visitors so don't be a bother. I'm sure he'll call when he feels up to it." Renee gave Bella a warning look implying she should leave Jacob alone.

"What else did she say?" Bella was not going to let the conversation go until she had some answers.

"Nothing," Renee answered before resuming her previous activities. The look on Bella's face seemed to indicate that she believed her mother was hiding something and from Renee's thoughts, she was.

"_Mono, right. Jacob doesn't have mono any more than Bella does. I could tell from Sarah's voice she's not telling me something, but I don't suppose it's really my business."_

As the holiday passed without a phone call from Jacob Black, Bella appeared to become increasingly agitated. By the end of the week, Bella had attempted to call him again, but apparently no one answered the telephone. After dinner one evening, she decided to speak with her father.

"Dad, have you talked with Billy recently?"

"Um, I think so, a few days ago. Why?" Charlie seemed preoccupied with things happening at the station, not really paying attention to his daughter.

"Did he mention anything about Jacob? Supposedly he got mono, but it's been almost a month since I last saw him and he won't come to the phone. His mom said he was really sick and now no one answers the phone at his house."

"Hold on, Bells. Take a breath. Let me call Billy," Charlie said.

Charlie dialed the phone but when no one answered he decided to call the Clearwaters. "Harry, hi. It's Charlie. Have you heard from Billy lately? Bella's worried about Jacob, seems he's been under the weather."

When Charlie hung up the phone he told Bella the same story she had received from her mother, but Charlie did not seem concerned since Harry had also indicated that they were having trouble with the phone lines on the reservation from a storm that had recently passed through.

"_I'm sure there's nothing to worry about,"_ Charlie mused. _"Jacob will be fine in a few more days. Bella worries too much."_

"Bella, just let it go. I'm sure everything's going to be okay."

After a while, when Bella was certain her parents were not paying attention to her, she went back into the kitchen and placed a phone call.

"Hi, Leah, it's Bella."

"Yeah, I'm okay but I'm worried about Jacob. Have you seen him lately? I've been trying to reach him but the Black's phone is out of order."

Bella seemed engrossed in the conversation when I heard her say, "Yeah, sorry. Leah said you've seen Jake recently? Is he okay? I thought he was sick." She held her breath waiting for a response to her question.

"Why would you say that?" Bella asked.

"Are you sure it's okay with Leah?"

Whatever Bella was planning was not obvious to me, but apparently she was not doing anything that evening as she said good night to her parents and headed up the stairs to bed.

She went to school the next day, although she appeared anxious, agitated even. When the school day had concluded, instead of going home, Bella headed directly to La Push. I followed as far as I could go, eventually stopping at the damn treaty line. Suddenly my phone rang. Alice.

"What's the matter, Alice?"

"Edward, she's just disappeared. What's happened to Bella?"

"What do mean she disappeared? She just drove onto the reservation."

"I'm so sorry, Edward. I can't imagine what happened, but Bella's future just vanished."

"She hasn't been gone that long, I'll wait here, but I don't know how long I'll be able to stay. What will happen if I cross the line?"

"No! Absolutely not. Whatever you do, you must stay where you are. I'll keep watch and let you know something as soon as I see her again."

"Alright, please call me if anything changes. Thanks, Alice."

After hanging up, I began to pace, back and forth, waiting, wondering. It seemed Bella had been gone forever and just as the despair began to take hold once more, I heard her old dilapidated truck. As I followed, I soon realized she was not heading home, but to Port Angeles. She was crying, but she also seemed angry and her heart was beating faster than her normal, calm rhythm. The sun was setting by the time she reached the harbor; had she planned on taking the ferry to Canada? But as she parked her car, it seemed she only wanted to walk. She seemed comforted by the fresh air as she turned up her face to the sky while closing her eyes and breathing in the salty air.

I followed her as she headed toward the city's pier. By now it had gotten dark, well not to me, but I knew it was dark to Bella's very human eyes, although she seemed very aware of her surroundings. I couldn't help but wonder if Charlie Swan had instilled in his daughter at least a few self-preservation tactics.

As Bella continued her path down the pier, I remained hidden, watching her, making sure she was safe while ensuring she was still unable to observe me.

She seemed to relax just a bit as she leaned against the railing, staring out over the water. Of all the minds I could hear, I would have gladly given it all up to hear just one – that of my beautiful Bella. If I could but hear her thoughts, I knew I would feel complete even if the rest of the world were silent.

As I pondered on what it would be like to hear Bella's stunningly profound mind, other minds crept into my consciousness.

"_I'm so happy! I can't believe we're getting married,"_ a young woman thought as she stared at her engagement ring.

"_I can't believe she actually said 'yes'. It took me forever to propose – if she'd said 'no' I don't know what I would've done."_

I smiled as I saw the young man's expression through his fiancée's mind. I wondered when I would finally have the opportunity to talk with Bella again; I was looking forward to taking her to the meadow Alice had seen in her vision. I also recalled from Alice's vision how radiant, exquisite, divine Bella appeared in her wedding gown. She was definitely the perfect picture of a blushing bride and I had never seen her look more blissful. I yearned for the day that she would be mine and I couldn't help but wonder what kind of ring Bella would desire. Bella did not wear much jewelry and what she did have was simple but suited her well. I would no doubt give her any type of ring she desired, but what I really longed to see was my human mother's engagement ring on Bella's beautifully slender finger. As my frozen silent heart began to swell an enormous smile crossed my face and at that moment I knew that I would never be able to stay away from her, I would never leave her. My family had been right – I was made for Bella as she was made for me.

As I watched Bella with rapt attention, it appeared she had been startled by the young couple who had joined her on the pier, her heart rate quickening and her breathing shallower as she tried to catch her breath. I had expected Bella to calm down once she realized the couple posed no danger to her, but instead I saw the familiar signs of anxiety spread across her face as she started to run back toward the marina. Bella could be clumsy and I wished that whatever had caused her distress would leave her mind. After all, the last thing Bella needed was to trip and fall as many of the wooden planks which comprised the flooring of the pier were split and loose. Unfortunately, no sooner had those thoughts entered my mind did my precious Bella plummet to the ground, tumbling toward the edge of the old, rickety pier.

I monitored her every movement as Bella reached out with her hand in an attempt to stop herself, but in doing so she only succeeded in snagging her palm on a nail which immediately pierced her skin.

_Blood._

Instantly, the aromatic fragrance of her blood filled the air, simultaneously causing the venom to flow in copious amounts in my mouth, but I was determined not to harm her and immediately swallowed the venom. I held my breath as I saw the glorious red drops of her blood trickle down her arm, looking more like rubies falling against the paleness of her skin. To make matters worse, Bella instinctively pulled away from the location where she had felt the sharp object enter her hand, but in doing so she ended up ripping away more skin, allowing the blood to flow more freely. It seemed that the harder Bella tried to prevent injury, the more harm seemed to befall her.

I was determined not to drink from her, but the monster within rattled its cage, demanding my attention. I closed my eyes, concentrating on Alice's visions, more determined than ever that I would not taste her blood. Not now, perhaps not ever. The beast continued to challenge my resolve, but I would not give in to my most base instincts as the war continued to rage between keeping Bella human and biting her, ultimately turning her into a vampire.

Suddenly and without warning I realized that Bella was rapidly rolling toward the edge of the pier. Knowing that there was no way she could stop herself and being certain that at her current course and velocity she would end up in the frigid water, I knew I had to act; no longer could I remain on the sidelines. I had to protect her from experiencing further physical detriment and there was no way I would allow her to become immersed in the frigid wet darkness.

I ran to Bella, catching her in my arms before carefully and gently placing her on the sandy shore as I promptly took a step backward, away from her. I took a cursory look over her to make sure I had not injured her when I caught her in my hard, cold grip. It seemed that, other than the look of shock and confusion which came over her face, she appeared unharmed. I did not want her to fear being in such close proximity to me so I backed away a little further in an attempt to calm her, and I was unable to understand the expressions which flowed freely over her face.

I remained still, probably too still, as she looked over me. There was no doubt in my mind that she knew exactly who I was and I felt waves of worry and concern wash over me. What would happen now? How could I explain how I saved her? I listened to her heart rate, although it was slightly elevated, and her breathing slightly shallower than usual. What was she thinking? Not once did she blink nor did she speak a word, just sitting and staring. Perhaps she was waiting for me to say something. I, however, wanted to hear her voice so I could listen for any tell tale signs of recognition. I opened my mouth, but when the glorious but deadly perfume of her blood sang out to me once again I knew I needed to get away. Unfortunately she was still watching me. As the wind began to blow, swirling the tempting aroma around my head, sand began to whirl around as well forcing Bella to close her eyes.

I wasted no time, leaving before she had the opportunity to realize I was gone.

**-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o**

**AN: So Jacob imprints on Leah – let me know what you think. ;-)**


	9. Chapter 9 Changes in Attitude

**DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer owns the entire Twilight Series, Edward, Bella and the other characters that we've grown to know and love. Any new or unfamiliar characters in the story are figments of my imagination. No copyright infringement is intended – I'm just having fun!**

**AN: If questions come to mind as you read Bella's POV, please be patient as much should be explained in Edward's POV. I also don't usually hear songs that directly influence my chapters, but part of this chapter was inspired by "More Than Useless" by Relient K. **

**As always, _many thanks_ to my beta, TwilightMomofTwo. She is _amazing_ beyond belief and always keeps me in line even when I don't realize I need it. :-) **

**Chapter 9 –Ch-Ch-Changes in Attitude**

**BPOV**

I ran over the events of the preceding minutes in my mind. I knew I had seen him; I hadn't been dreaming or hallucinating. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that he had been standing in front of me, and I couldn't deny it or pretend it hadn't happened. He had saved me, but once again he was gone. Why had he left? I recalled the first time I saw him in the airport, remembering how he had abruptly left that day as well. What was it about me that brought out such negative reactions in him? How had he known where I was?

I held my breath as I slowly got to my feet. My hand was throbbing, my arm ached and blood seemed to be splattered all over me, but I was fairly certain I'd be okay to drive. I had seen signs for the hospital earlier, so it couldn't be too far; I just needed to walk to my truck. Thinking about what had happened, the fact that I was certain I had seen Edward and wondering how it was that he looked the same after all these years, gave me something to focus on other than the blood and the pain.

Once inside the cab of my truck, it only took a few minutes to get to the hospital. As I walked through the emergency room doors I was greeted by a woman. I held up my right arm in response to her silent question. She nodded, handed me some forms on a clipboard and told me to take a seat. No sooner had I begun to fill out the forms did I hear someone call my name. I looked toward the doors leading back to the treatment area and saw a nurse. She smiled and motioned for me to follow her through the double doors which led to an area divided into individual 'rooms' by curtains. As I sat down to finish the paperwork, the nurse stated a doctor would be with me shortly. Having spent more than my share of time in emergency rooms, I was certain I was in for a long wait when surprisingly I heard someone call my name again. I recognized the voice before I even looked up.

"Bella, it's so nice to see you again."

Standing in front of me was none other than Carlisle Cullen. I couldn't believe my good fortune. Now, maybe, I'd be able to find Edward. I felt awkward coming straight out and asking about him, but I supposed it wouldn't seem too terribly odd for me to inquire about Esme and Alice. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I didn't realize that I'd never responded to Carlisle until I heard him again.

"Bella, are you okay?" He had a very concerned look on his face.

"Yes, nothing out of the ordinary for me," I replied sheepishly, showing him my hand and arm so he could view the damages. "What are you doing here?"

"We live in Sequim now, about fifteen miles away," Carlisle replied as he examined my injuries. "I haven't seen you here before. Do you live in Port Angeles?"

"Uh, no. Actually, I live in Forks," I said, trying to breathe calmly. I was nervous. I didn't like needles and although I'd spent plenty of time in hospitals, I was still anxious. I needed to think clearly so I could talk to Carlisle because I needed information about Edward. Before I realized what had happened, I felt a numb, dead feeling spread through my arm, the pain in my palm no longer evident even though the numbness reminded me again of what had occurred.

"What brings you up to Port Angeles at this time of the evening?" Carlisle inquired.

I watched his face carefully, trying to distract myself from what he was doing and I was fairly successful as I admired his good looks. Carlisle was bent over my hand examining the gashes as I began to feel a bit squeamish. Even though I no longer felt any pain, I still experienced the gentle pulling and tugging as he stitched me up. That's when I flinched.

"Do you need a minute?" Carlisle asked.

"No, it's okay – I just don't do well with blood and needles," I replied, shuddering as a wave of nausea hit me.

"Many people have a fear of needles," Carlisle replied. "But what exactly bothers you about blood? You're fairly cleaned up now."

"It's not just the sight, it's more the smell of blood that makes my stomach roll," I replied hesitantly, waiting for him to ridicule me. Most people didn't have the same reaction to blood that I did and no one ever believed me when I told them _why _I had a hard time.

"The smell? That's unusual. People typically react to the sight or the gore of the actual wound; not many people can even detect the scent of blood," Carlisle stated, an amused look on his face.

"Well, it bothers me because it smells like rust and salt," I said, waiting for him to contradict me as most hospital personnel had done in the past, but Carlisle surprised me.

"That's very interesting, Bella," he smiled, returning his focus to my injuries.

He seemed to work quickly, so rapidly in fact, it was hard to believe that he was already done.

"You're all set," Carlisle stated, looking over my hand again.

"Wow, you're fast," I said, attempting a smile.

"Years of practice," he replied with a slight smirk on his face.

"How long have you been a doctor?" I asked, trying to prolong my time with Carlisle.

"Quite a while," he said, a grin slowly creeping over his face, almost as if there was some joke I had missed.

"What is it that you enjoy?" I wondered out loud. I was sure he had other patients to treat, but I didn't want him to leave; our conversation had helped keep my mind off the queasy feelings in my stomach, and there were still things I wanted to ask him.

"I enjoy saving people. I believe I have a gift and I want to use it to the best of my ability for good."

"Do you have any other questions before you leave?" he asked.

I was certain Carlisle was referring to my injuries, but my questions were about Edward. I wasn't quite ready to talk about him so I inquired about Esme instead.

"Um, yeah, but not about my arm," I replied hesitantly. "How is Esme? And Alice?" I asked quietly, looking down, afraid to see the expression on his face in case he was annoyed that I was detaining him.

"Oh, they are doing just fine," he replied easily. "All the family is well. Thank you for asking."

Since Carlisle didn't elaborate, I was hesitant to ask anything more and started to get off the stretcher. I glanced around to make sure I wouldn't trip over anything, and was about to walk away when I realized there was a hand on my shoulder. When I looked back, I saw Carlisle smiling at me.

"They'd all enjoy seeing you again, Bella," Carlisle said graciously.

"I'd really like that," I replied, unable to keep a huge grin off my face. Then I remembered that I hadn't completed the paperwork I'd been given.

"Should I return to the waiting area to fill out these forms?" All I'd written down was my name, address and phone number.

"That won't be necessary, Bella. I'll take care of everything," Carlisle stated, reaching for the clipboard before handing me a slip of paper as he explained how to properly care for my various lacerations. "In addition to the wound care instructions, I've included all our cell phone numbers in case you should need anything."

I was absolutely certain that Carlisle could see how ecstatic I was, but hopefully he didn't know why. All thoughts about the unfinished paperwork seemed to fly out the window.

"Feel free to call anytime," he said cheerfully. "If you require assistance, or if you just want to talk, _any_ of us would be more than happy to hear from you."

I wondered why Carlisle had emphasized that one word, but it didn't really matter. I would never call Edward – not unless he called me first, and that was highly unlikely.

I smiled and nodded, but was totally caught off guard when he said with a smile, "Especially Edward."

What? Why would he say that? How did he know that among all the members of his family, I wanted to talk with Edward the most? I wasn't sure I should actually ask him about it, but I had to know more.

"Oh, okay," I replied timidly before asking, "How is Edward?"

"He's well. We all hoped you were doing well once you returned home. How did you come to live in Forks?"

I wasn't going to bother him with the real reason we moved. I didn't want to bore Carlisle with the story of Chris and Carolyn. Then, of course, there were also my dreams of Edward which I would not share with him, let alone his father. As I thought about Carlisle's question, I decided I could tell him at least part of the truth.

"My dad retired from the Army. He had a friend who lived in Forks who told him that the town was looking for a new police chief so here we are," I said nervously, fidgeting with the hem of my shirt, hoping he would believe me and not ask too many more questions.

"It certainly is a small world," Carlisle replied, chuckling quietly to himself.

"Yes, it is," I said softly. I didn't want to leave, but it was getting late and I knew my parents would be worried soon, if they weren't already. I needed to get going even though I really wanted to stay and talk with him some more.

"Would you please have Alice call me?" I asked guardedly.

"Absolutely," he replied kindly. "I'm sure she'll give you a call the moment I give her your message," Carlisle said, snickering. "Take care of yourself, Bella. I'm sure we'll see you soon."

I knew I needed to call my parents before I began my drive home. Luckily, I found a payphone in the lobby.

"Hello?" my mother said, worry evident in her voice.

"Hi, mom. It's me," I replied cautiously. I was sure I would get an earful from her.

"Bella, where in the world have you been? I thought you were having dinner with the Blacks, but they said you'd left hours ago. What happened?" Renee spoke so quickly I could barely make out her words.

"Mom, hold on. Take a breath. Jacob and I had a ... disagreement and I got upset. I didn't want to go home so I drove to the Port Angeles harbor. On my way back to the truck I fell and messed up my hand and arm. I needed stitches; I'm at the hospital in Port Angeles now, but everything's okay. I'm all stitched up and ready to drive home. I'm alright. Please calm down," I said hastily before Renee could get any more upset than she already was.

"Next time, please call me _before_ I start to worry," my mother said indignantly. I could tell she was annoyed with me for not calling sooner, but since she knew I was alright I didn't think I'd be in too much trouble when I got home.

"Sorry, but you don't need to be concerned. There won't be a next time," I said bitterly as I recalled my confrontation with Jacob. I still didn't understand what had happened and I was more than a little curious about what had transpired with Leah. I knew I'd eventually get answers, but my fight with Jacob was no longer at the top of my priority list – I wanted to hear from Alice, Esme and, of course, Edward. I wasn't sure how I'd explain who they were to my parents, but I didn't really care. All I wanted was for the Cullens to call me.

I took my time driving home, not looking forward to the interrogation I would be forced to endure upon my arrival. It was no surprise that my mother wanted to know everything the moment I stepped foot in the door.

"Oh honey, what happened? Why did you and Jacob fight? Everything will be all right, you'll see."

There were times when I wished my mother wouldn't be so attentive. I could still remember the years when she had been a little more self-absorbed. Some days, like this one, I wished she still was. I took a deep breath before answering.

"I don't really want to talk about it, but I think he's angry that I only want to be friends."

There really wasn't anything more to say and I didn't think Jake's mom would tell Renee what really happened, although I for one would like to have known. I still didn't have a clue and I doubted Billy would say anything to Charlie. He didn't seem too happy about whatever was going on between Leah and Jacob and, provided I stayed away from Jake, I probably wouldn't be of any further concern to Billy.

It was really late and I was tired from the roller coaster day I'd had so I went to bed. Fortunately, the next day was Saturday, and then I had just one more week of school before the Christmas break. Maybe, if I was lucky, I'd be able to see the Cullens before the holiday.

That night, even though I was exhausted, I had an utterly weird dream. Edward was holding me, gazing into my eyes. We were in an astonishingly beautiful meadow. It was warm, and as the sun peeked through the clouds and began to shine around us, the most miraculous thing happened. Edward sparkled. _Sparkled _as if his skin was covered in diamonds or ultra shiny glitter powder. He was the most magnificent person I had ever seen. I reached up to caress his face as he looked down, smiling at me and before I realized what I had done, I told him that I loved him. No sooner had the words left my mouth did my dream self appear afraid as I awaited Edward's response, but my anxiety was unfounded when Edward said that he loved me, too. Then he kissed my forehead.

When I awoke from the strange dream, I could not help but wish it were true even though I did not understand what I had seen. I knew I loved Edward and I could only hope that he had feelings for me, but what did it mean that he sparkled. Edward? That made no sense whatsoever. Nevertheless, it was the most amazing dream I had ever experienced.

The nights after that dream were peaceful, although I was truly nervous to see Edward again. My dream had seemed so real, yet I could not allow myself to gain false hope, regardless of what Carlisle had said about Edward wanting to hear from me.

It had been difficult to concentrate at school during the remaining days before the holiday break, but fortunately I had been very focused on my classes before the 'Jake Incident' so I aced my midterms. Only one more semester of high school and then I'd be off to college.

Although I was looking forward to beginning a new chapter in my life, a part of me was hesitant to go. I had wanted to see Edward and the rest of the Cullens for the past eight years and now that I had found them again – well actually, they had found me – I wasn't in a hurry to leave.

I was disappointed that I hadn't heard from Alice, but perhaps Carlisle had forgotten to mention that he'd seen me. I had everyone's phone numbers; I knew I could call if I really wanted to, yet it seemed an odd thing for me to do so I decided to wait until after school was out for the break. I also hadn't heard from Seth, Leah or Jacob, but I wasn't up to dealing with any of them and was very surprised when I got a call from Sam.

"Sam? What's the matter?" I asked.

"I don't really know. Everything's changed and I was hoping _you_ could tell me," he said, sounding bitter, even angry.

"Why would you say that? Haven't you talked with Seth and Jacob?"

I hadn't done anything; in fact, I had stayed off the reservation as Billy had so adamantly insisted, so I didn't appreciate Sam's tone.

"Seth only said that Jacob was mad at you and that Leah has been helping him. Why don't you go to your boyfriend's house and straighten out this mess? I'd like to see my girlfriend again," he said fiercely.

"You know what," I replied indignantly, "Jacob is _not_ my boyfriend. Never has been, and never will be, but if you want answers, go to talk to Harry and Billy. I was told in no uncertain terms to leave Jake alone. If you're having a problem with _your_ girlfriend, take care of it yourself and leave me out of it. I'm done with Jacob." That was the last thing I said to Sam before slamming the phone down on the receiver.

"Bella, honey, what's wrong?" my concerned mother asked.

"Nothing, don't worry about it," I replied, feeling rather frustrated, as tears welled up in my eyes. I hated that I cried when I was angry.

"Bella –"

"Please, leave it alone, mom. Jacob and I aren't friends anymore – his choice, not mine – but I'm not going to beg him to talk to me, either. I think he likes Leah now, anyway," I said in a huff.

"What? That can't be true? I thought she and Sam were pretty much a done deal. I think they're much too young to get married, but from what Sarah told me, Leah and Sam both claimed they were ready. They were planning on having their wedding after graduation, before they headed off to college. What happened?"

Renee always seemed to be up on the latest gossip; I was kind of surprised that she hadn't heard anything about my blow-up with Jake from either Sarah Black or Sue Clearwater.

"I don't know. Why don't you call Jake's mom and find out. All I know is that I'm not welcome on the reservation any more," I said before clasping my hand over my mouth. I hadn't meant to say that. I was certain there would be repercussions now that my mother knew, but what I hadn't realized was that Charlie had just walked into the house and heard every word I'd said.

"Who said you're not allowed on the reservation?" Charlie bellowed.

"Dad, don't worry about it; I'm not. You guys need to calm down. It's just teenage stuff. I'm sure it will all blow over eventually," I said as cheerfully as I could manage. I didn't want Charlie to get upset with Billy. They'd known each other for years and I knew my father enjoyed fishing and watching sports with him as they had renewed their friendship since we'd moved back to Forks. Whatever was going on with Jacob and me didn't need to have an impact anyone else.

"No one should be telling you such nonsense," he replied forcefully. "I'll call Billy if you'd like."

"No, please don't," I begged. "It's just a misunderstanding, I'm sure of it. Give it some time; everything will blow over, you'll see." I could only hope I was right for my parents' sake. They had sacrificed enough for me already; they didn't need to lose their friends because of something I'd supposedly done.

Fortunately, both my parents nodded without saying another word. I'd have to keep things under wraps if any one else called me about what was going on with Jacob. I thought about talking to Leah, but decided against it. I almost didn't care anymore.

I stayed around the house helping my mother put the finishing touches on everything in preparation for the Christmas holiday and since she wasn't spending time with Jake's mom, I wasn't too lonely. I was feeling a little frustrated because my dreams of Edward continued to seem so real and yet no one had called. Just the other night I had woken up with a start when I heard his voice tell me how much he was looking forward to seeing me again and as I opened my eyes I felt a cool breeze even though my window was closed and the heat was on. I longed to see him, be near him, and my dreams were beginning to make me feel as if I was losing my mind. I'd give the Cullens a few more days and, if no one called by then, I would give in against my better judgment and call Alice.

Much to my delight, however, a few days before Christmas, I received the phone call I'd been waiting for. No, it wasn't Edward, but it was the next best thing.

"Hello?"

"Bella, is that you?"

I would know that voice anywhere.

"Alice!" I squealed before remembering I wasn't home alone. "How are you?" I asked, lowering my voice. I wasn't ready to explain to Renee who Alice or any of the Cullens were.

"I'm fine. How are you?" she asked, her voice sounded like a wind chime.

"I'm okay. Nothing time won't heal," I replied hesitantly. I didn't want her to ask me too many questions over the phone. I really just wanted to see her.

"How would you like to have lunch tomorrow?"

"Are you kidding? That would be great," I said excitedly. Tomorrow was perfect because Christmas was only a few days away and Renee was still busy preparing for the holiday. Once Christmas day arrived I wasn't sure what our plans would be since my grandparents were coming to visit. It could be difficult for me to go anywhere without them until they left after the first of the year.

As I pondered the upcoming holiday I realized how perfect Alice's timing was and that not only had she called, but we were actually going to get together. Of course I really wanted to see Edward, but perhaps Alice would be able to assist me in that endeavor.

"Alice, will it be just the two of us?"

"Of course, silly. How can we talk about girl stuff if the boys come along?" It almost sounded as if Alice knew exactly what I was asking.

Even though I wanted to see Edward, I would need more than a day to mentally prepare, assuming he wanted to see me at all. It was so hard to know what to expect where Edward was concerned. As I thought over the past years I nearly canceled on Alice. It would be difficult to be friends with her if he didn't want to be around me. I didn't think I could do that; I remembered the hatred Edward seemed to have for me the very first time I saw him in the airport and yet he seemed so different when I saw him in the hotel even though he had taken off again. But Alice had been right when she had told me that nothing was wrong because later Edward had been so kind, considerate, perfect in that awful man's house. Edward made me feel safe, secure and special; it had been heartbreaking to watch him leave right before the police had arrived. And then the other day he had somehow saved me once more before mysteriously disappearing again. I was lost in my thoughts when I heard Alice.

"Bella, are you there?"

"Uh, yeah. Sorry. I'm not sure what 'stuff' you want to talk about, but I'm glad it's just us," I said cheerfully.

I hoped to eventually see Edward; although before that could happen, I needed to get a better idea of what was going on with him. I didn't want to make a fool of myself which reminded me of my dream. I was now certain that I loved him even though it made absolutely no sense whatsoever. How could I love someone I hardly knew?

"Great. There will be plenty of time for all of us to get together later. I'll call you tomorrow when I'm on my way," Alice said.

I tossed and turned all night and was really exhausted when I finally woke up the next morning. Although I was excited to see Alice, I was tempted to call her to find out if we could have dinner instead of lunch. I really needed more sleep, but just as I thought of calling her to reschedule, the phone rang.

"Bella," my mother called. "Telephone."

Somehow I knew it was Alice.

"Hello?"

"You weren't planning on canceling, were you?" Alice asked. It seemed as if she could read my mind or see the future or something. Maybe she was psychic; it was weird how she always knew what I was thinking or planning.

"Um, no, not canceling. I just didn't sleep well and was going to see if you wanted to go later, but I'm up now so lunch is fine," I replied with a big yawn as I stretched.

"Okay," Alice said excitedly. "Will you be ready in an hour?"

"What? An hour? It will take me longer than that just to drive to wherever you want to meet. What time is it, anyway?" Even though I wasn't seeing Edward, I still wanted to look somewhat presentable. From what I could recall, Alice always dressed to the nines and I didn't want to look too frumpy because, according to Renee, I always did.

"It's around ten. Do you want me to pick you up?" Alice asked.

I couldn't tell Renee who Alice was and how we'd met so I didn't want my mother to be around when Alice got to the house. It would probably be better to meet her somewhere, but I hated to say 'no' since she was being so nice. Suddenly, I heard my mother call out my name as she headed toward the front door.

"Bella, I'm going to finish my Christmas shopping. Sue Clearwater and I are going to Seattle. We have plans to stay over night and come back tomorrow morning. Your dad will be home around seven this evening. Will you be okay until then?"

Even after all this time my parents still worried about leaving me home alone. But at least my concern over Alice picking me up had just been resolved.

"Yeah, mom. I'll be fine. I think I'm going to Port Angeles to have lunch with a friend. I'll leave a note for dad just in case I'm running late. Have fun," I replied happily.

"Alice, if you still want to pick me up, it's fine," I said quickly.

"Okay. I'll be there in about forty minutes," she replied cheerfully.

"I thought you said an hour?"

"We've been talking for a while and I'm already on my way," she laughed before hanging up the phone.

I smiled as I ran upstairs to take a quick shower and get ready. I couldn't believe I was actually going to see Alice for the first time in more than eight years.

I was so nervous that I totally lost track of time until I heard a knock on the front door. As I ran down the stairs, I held my breath as I opened it. There was Alice, just as I remembered her – pale skin and black spiky hair, appearing as graceful as ever.

Seeing her reminded me that just like Edward, Alice looked _exactly_ the same. That brought me back to the hospital when I saw Carlisle and realized that he had seemed the same, as well. For a moment I considered how strange that was, but I was so excited that I dismissed the oddness of the situation as I squealed and hugged Alice, as if we were best friends. No sooner had I done it, did I back away, immediately apologizing, but Alice laughed as a huge grin spread across her face.

"It's okay, Bella," Alice said happily. "I'm pleased to see you, as well. Are you ready to go?"

Even when I first met Alice, we seemed to have a connection. Apparently the years apart had done nothing to alter that feeling.

"Yep. Where are we going? It's still kind of early for lunch. Are you hungry?" I asked, hoping she wasn't because I didn't feel like eating quite yet.

"We could drive to Port Angeles if you'd like," Alice said cheerfully. "If you're not hungry we can eat later."

Thinking about Port Angeles reminded me of seeing Edward and I wondered if I'd have the courage to mention it to Alice. I felt weird bringing it up, but for some reason I almost thought it would be okay. I shoved the thoughts out of my mind as I grabbed my jacket and headed toward the door.

Just as I reached for the door knob, Alice did as well. The moment our hands touched, two words came to mind – hard and cold. I shivered before pulling my hand away.

"I'm so sorry. I don't usually go around hugging and touching people. I'm typically pretty good with personal space," I said quietly, looking down at the floor.

"It's okay. Don't worry about it," Alice replied kindly. "Shall we?"

"Um, yeah," I mumbled as we walked out the door. "Holy crow! What's that?" I asked as I stared at her car.

Although I didn't know much about cars in general, I knew that Alice's was a Porsche – a bright yellow one at that. "I guess you don't mind drawing attention to yourself," I said, chuckling.

Alice just looked at me, smirking before saying, "Actually, I'd prefer not to be in the limelight, but this time I'm making an exception. I thought you'd enjoy the ride." Then she laughed, her voice sounding like bells. It was beautiful.

"Alright, let's go then," I said with a smile.

I was almost afraid to get into her car. I didn't want to get it dirty or break anything. I knew all the Cullens wore nice clothes, but I couldn't even begin to imagine how much money they had if Alice drove a Porsche. That thought suddenly made me extremely uncomfortable – I didn't come from money and I didn't want Alice or Edward to think that I only wanted to be friends with them because of what they had. But how do you bring up something like that?

I was trying hard to figure out a way to tell Alice that I'd seen Edward. Occasionally, one of us would ask a question, but it seemed we were just making small talk. After a while I was able to relax, and soon it seemed we fell into a comfortable rhythm, our conversation flowing easily. Unfortunately, every time I asked her anything specific about what she and the rest of her family had been doing, she just shrugged. Not until I started inquiring about specific individuals did she begin to give me any details whatsoever.

"Carlisle, as you know, is working at the hospital in Port Angeles. Prior to that, he worked in a hospital in Astoria, Oregon and before that, we were in Chicago," Alice said.

"It was quite a surprise to see him after all these years. Just goes to show that you never know where you'll bump into someone," I replied cautiously when I realized I was referring to Edward and not Carlisle.

"True," Alice said smugly. "You never know."

We had talked about everyone except for Edward; I just couldn't bring myself to ask about him. I was afraid, nervous and excited all at the same time. I sighed and decided to ask another question about Carlisle and Esme when Alice spoke.

"Aren't you forgetting someone? There's one more member of my family who we have yet to discuss."

I was stunned into silence. I didn't know what to say so I sat, saying nothing at all. It wasn't long after that Alice pulled into the ferry parking area on Front Street. I shuddered at the memories of the day with Jacob, Leah and then Edward. What was I going to do? My mind was a jumbled mess, but as we walked toward the pier in silence, a question finally came to my mind.

"Do you know how I came to be at the hospital the night Carlisle was working?"

"No, he only said you'd had an accident of some sort."

"Hmm, I guess I never did tell him what happened. I'm such a klutz that it probably didn't occur to me to explain how I injured myself since he didn't ask," I mused as I thought back over my conversation with Carlisle. In retrospect, I don't believe I had told him what had occurred.

"Well, I had a friend," I started before being interrupted by Alice.

"Had?" she asked.

"Yes, now let me finish before I change my mind about telling you," I said hastily. "I don't really like talking about certain things, but for some reason I've always felt like I could trust you," I added, staring out over the water.

"Okay – go ahead," Alice replied, a slight smile on her face.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly before continuing. "I've had this friend ever since I moved to Forks," I stated when Alice interrupted me once more.

"A 'he' friend?"

"Alice – "

"Sorry," she said, giggling.

I wanted to be upset with her, but couldn't seem to find it in me.

"I met a boy, the son of one of my father's friends and we became friends. It was all I ever wanted, a fact I'd made perfectly clear numerous times, but apparently he wanted more. It's a long story, but suffice it to say that we had an argument in which he made it crystal clear that he didn't want anything more to do with me. Ever." I felt my eyes begin to water; I didn't want to cry, however, talking about it brought everything to the surface.

Alice didn't say a word, although she had the most unusual expression on her face. I waited for her to say something – anything – but when she remained quiet, I continued.

"I was really upset, not because I wanted to date him, but because his friendship had become important to me and I was sad to lose it. I didn't want to go home and face my mother and her interrogations so I drove to the pier. I came to this exact spot," I said, pointing to where we were standing. "Then I heard something. When I turned around, I saw two people. It was dark and I couldn't make out who they were; I got nervous. I waited a few minutes, listening, hoping they would go away, but when I turned back around, I realized the two images I saw were actually of a man and a woman."

I could feel myself beginning to shake, but not from the cold weather. I looked over at Alice as she said, "Bella, you don't have to say any more. I can see how upset you are."

"No, I want to get this out. I _need _to tell you what happened," I replied, my voice quaking as I inhaled deeply in a feeble attempt to calm myself. "Seeing the couple made me think of a lot of different things, but without getting into specifics, let's just say that I got upset, _really_ upset. I've always thought I would end up all alone; watching the couple made me feel even lonelier. I decided to go home, but in my haste I tripped over a loose board, fell and cut my hand and arm on a nail. I thought I was going to fall off the pier and land in the water, but I didn't."

I stopped. Could I tell Alice who I saw? Did she know where Edward had been that night? Would she think I was crazy for thinking of him after all these years? Would she be angry at him for not taking me to the hospital? There were too many possibilities; I sighed and decided better of it so I skipped over the part about Edward and continued on with the rest of the story.

"As it turned out, I didn't land in the water, but rather on the sand. When I realized how badly I'd cut myself, I knew I needed to go to the hospital for stitches and it was much too far to drive back to Forks. That's how I ended up seeing Carlisle that night," I finished, the words spilling out of my mouth quickly.

Alice looked at me as if she knew there was more to the story, much more. I was certain she could see into my head; it was creepy how she seemed to know things. I refused to embarrass myself any further; I already sounded like a clumsy, silly girl and Alice was – exactly how old was she? Before I could say anything else Alice turned and looked at me, her golden eyes peering deep into my soul.

"Bella," Alice said hesitantly. "Isn't there something you're leaving out?"

I gasped. She knew. How was that possible? Of course, Edward must have told her. But what had he said? I didn't want to say anything until I knew what he had told her.

"What do you mean, Alice?" I asked as casually as I could, but my cracking voice gave away my nervousness.

"Bella, isn't there's more to your story?"

"He told you, didn't he?" I asked, trembling as I recalled the memory of Edward standing in front of me.

"In a way, I suppose he did," Alice replied.

What had he said? Why had he left? Why hadn't he called? So many questions and all I could bring myself to ask was, "What did he tell you?"

"I'd prefer to hear it from you," she said matter-of-factually. "My brother has a ... let's just say he always looks at the worst-case scenarios."

I had no idea what she meant, but it was cloudy, the temperature was dropping and I was getting cold. I wasn't sure I even wanted to have this conversation with Alice, let alone now, outside.

"Are we going to eat?" I asked, trying to change the subject. "I'm starting to get hungry."

Alice glanced in my direction before turning to face me. "I know you saw Edward," she said softly. "I just wanted to know what you thought when you saw him."

I moaned quietly before asking, "What can I say? Yes, I saw Edward. No, we didn't talk to each other and just like the very first time I saw him in the airport, before I realized what had happened, he was gone."

Alice stood there quietly watching me, waiting, but for what?

Suddenly Alice moved closer and I noticed that she, like Edward, seemed to move fast. Then she put her arm around me and a shiver ran down my back. I was already cold, but suddenly I was freezing.

There was something odd about the entire Cullen family. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I was beginning to put the pieces together when Alice interrupted my thoughts.

"How would you like to see the rest of the family?"

"Are you kidding?" I asked excitedly.

I didn't want to seem eager, but it was already too late for that. Besides, it seemed ridiculous to try to hide anything from Alice because the harder I tried to conceal my true thoughts and feelings, the easier it became for her to see right through me.

"Come on then, let's go. And, don't mind Rosalie. She takes a little getting used to," Alice replied with a chuckle.

Suddenly I didn't feel very hungry. It seemed there were a hundred butterflies fluttering around in my stomach. I gulped before asking, "Will Edward be there?"

Alice didn't answer immediately. She stared ahead at the road, but it seemed as if she were in a trance.

"Alice?"

"I'm not sure if he'll be there or not," she replied, twisting up her face as if she were trying to figure something out. "He hasn't decided what he wants to do yet."

"What do you mean?" How could Alice know what Edward was doing if she was with me? It still seemed a bit strange, but not in a bad way. It just amazed me. She must have an awful lot of incidents of déjà vu.

"Don't worry about it," Alice said. "We'll be there in a minute. I think everyone is home today, even Carlisle. They'll all be delighted to see you."

She seemed so excited; I was waiting for her to start jumping up and down and clapping her hands.

"I don't want to intrude. Maybe you should call them and let them know we're on our way. I'd hate to be a bother."

Suddenly, I recalled Harry Clearwater's words. _"You really shouldn't bother Jacob anymore."_ The little color I had drained out of my face and I immediately felt uneasy. This was a really bad idea. Somehow, I needed to convince Alice to take me home before I could make a complete fool of myself. I looked over at her, opening my mouth to speak, but Alice beat me to the punch.

"Don't worry, Bella. It's fine. It's all good. They knew it was a possibility when I left the house this morning."

"Oh. They knew we were getting together today?" I asked.

"Yes, it's hard to keep secrets in our house," Alice said, laughing.

I was still apprehensive, yet I had hope that I wouldn't appear totally ridiculous before the day was over. As Alice pulled off the main road, she stopped and entered a code, allowing a very large gate to open. At first I thought we had entered a private community, but soon realized there were no houses in sight.

"Alice, where are we going?"

She looked over and smiled before answering. "To my house, of course."

"Okay, are we on a private street?"

"Carlisle and Esme are big conservationists; they bought all the property around the house so it would remain in its natural pristine state," Alice said proudly.

I was in awe of the inherent beauty of the property as we drove for about another ten minutes before coming upon a second gate, more elegant than the first, at the bottom of a hill.

"Last one," Alice said as she glanced over at me, snickering. "Don't freak out, Bella. We just value our privacy."

"I see that," I murmured under my breath, certain Alice had heard me.

As we stopped in the driveway Alice explained that there were garages for each of their vehicles around the back of the house, but since everyone was awaiting our arrival, we would go through the front entrance. I couldn't believe my eyes as she opened the door to the house – it seemed to exude a homey feeling of warmth and charm, even in all its luxury. The entryway was painted in light egg shell and white tones, yet it didn't feel stark or harsh. Everything blended together beautifully.

As Alice pulled me down the hallway into the next room, I stared in amazement at the custom built book shelves which surrounded an absolutely gorgeous fireplace – the focal point of a spacious vaulted living room. As I gazed around at the simple elegance of the room, I noticed the beveled French doors which opened onto a deck. It was then I realized that the entire wall surrounding the doors was made of glass, providing a stunning view of the river below.

"Alice, this is amazing," I said, the glamor of the room took my breath away.

"Well, thank you, Bella," Carlisle replied as I turned around to see him standing at the foot of the staircase.

Even though I had just recently seen him, it was still hard not to be struck by his youthful expressions and outrageously good looks. I couldn't even begin to imagine how old he really was, but I was certain of one thing – he aged well. Carlisle welcomed me into his home as if I were a long lost friend.

"Esme's the interior designer of the family," he stated as he glanced toward the top of the staircase; before I could respond, Esme seemed to float down the stairs, taking her place next to Carlisle.

I knew I had originally thought of Snow White when I'd first seen her at the airport, but now, looking at her billowing soft, caramel-colored hair and her heart-shaped face, she reminded me of the ingénues of the silent-movie era. Esme seemed as pleased as punch to see me and as I looked between them, it was apparent how much they admired and adored each other. Observing such a private moment made me rather uncomfortable so I looked away, as I heard chuckling from the opposite side of the room.

I had been so caught up watching Carlisle and Esme that I hadn't noticed Jasper enter the room. He was now standing next to Alice with his arm around her waist. When he gazed upon her face, the love he felt for her was evident in his eyes. I felt the anxiety sweep through me as I watched the two couples. I was about to wrap my arms around myself when I heard Jasper's voice.

"Hello again, Bella."

Suddenly a feeling of calm rushed over me. I was glad that I had somehow averted the disaster of yet another anxiety attack, although how I had managed to avoid it was unclear. I had experienced enough of these episodes that I knew what to expect and this wasn't what typically occurred. As I thought about the peace I now felt, I realized it wasn't something I'd experienced in quite some time. In fact, it was a feeling I hadn't recalled since I'd been at Tanya's house so many years ago.

The main reason I thought about that moment was because, at the time, it seemed odd to have felt so relaxed in the home of my abductor. Then I remembered that it wasn't Tanya who put me at ease, but rather Jasper and Alice. It seemed odd that I should recall something so insignificant, but I had not experienced that precise feeling before or since. At least not until today.

"Hi, Jasper," I said, smiling shyly at him. "It's nice to see you again."

"Bella!" Emmett bellowed. He was grinning from ear to ear as he barged into the room, picking me up and giving me a big hug. He was just as tall and muscular as I remembered and his hair was just as dark and curly.

"It's good to see you, too, Emmett," I said, grinning. "But can you put me down? It's a little hard to breathe."

"Oops – sorry about that. Sometimes I forget my own strength," Emmett said, hesitantly looking over at Carlisle.

"I'm fine," I said, patting him on the arm, laughing, until I realized he, too, felt cold and hard. I pulled my arm away, trying to look inconspicuous, but after glancing over at Alice, I knew she was aware of what I was thinking.

Then, there was Rosalie who stood off to the side, eying me suspiciously. I guess I hadn't paid much attention to her when I saw her eight years ago, because I never realized how tall, statuesque and amazingly beautiful she was. I knew I was nothing to look at, being a plain Jane, but even Marilyn Monroe would have had a hard time holding a candle to Rosalie.

So far the only person I hadn't seen was the one person I was dying to see – Edward.

I turned to Alice to ask her what we were going to do since we had all been standing around talking, hugging, and laughing, but before I was able to say anything, Esme suggested that we all take a seat. That's when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye as my breath hitched and my body tingled. I knew without turning my head that Edward had entered the room and I couldn't resist my desire to breathe deeply as his all too familiar scent wafted over me. I heard a few giggles and chuckles around me causing me to blush. I was totally embarrassed.

I attempted to turn around, but his closeness startled me, causing my clumsiness to make an appearance. I lost my balance and fell right into Edward who had been standing behind me. As I glanced up, I saw his glorious face staring at me intently, his smile brilliant and his hair perfect. I just couldn't get over how devastatingly handsome he was. It was difficult to decide who the most stunning person in the house was; it seemed a fair toss up between Rosalie and Edward.

I wanted to enjoy the moment, but was unable to push away certain thoughts that had been plaguing me for some time. I needed to know how he moved so quickly and quietly; how he was there one minute and gone the next and how he seemed to appear out of thin air. I needed to know why his body felt so hard, just like the rest of his family. It occurred to me that they seemed even more rigid, solid than Jacob. Why were they all so cold, a fact which hadn't escaped me as I'd hugged each of them. Finally, there was the color of their eyes. Each member of the Cullen family had golden eyes; I'd never seen another person with that color or shade. Ever. It seemed I had the answers to those questions locked away somewhere in my brain, but nothing came to me; I sighed. Here I was, wasting my time in my own head while Edward stood not even a foot away from me.

I shook my head, peering over at him again. His expression was pained, his face no longer bore the smile he had only a moment ago and I didn't know why. What had I done? Then without warning, my memories of the airport and hotel flooded back to me. I braced myself for his departure, certain he was going to leave as I felt my heart break just a little; I looked away, staring down at the floor. Before I realized she had moved away from Jasper, Alice was at my side, an arm around me, pulling me close as she glared at Edward.

"Come on, Bella. Let's have a seat," she said hastily.

Alice walked me across the room. As she sat down next to Jasper, she patted the cushion beside her on the sofa and once I was seated, everyone else followed suit, including Edward. I had no idea what had occurred between the two of them, but I was glad Edward hadn't left. At least not yet.

Once we were settled, it seemed everyone was throwing questions at me right and left – what had I done over the years, where had I lived, what brought me to Washington. I was getting tired of talking and my throat was dry. I was about to ask for a glass of water when my stomached grumbled. I looked around to see if anyone had noticed; apparently they _all_ had, as either a giggle or grin was had from each member of the Cullen family, including Edward.

I wondered if Alice and I were still going to have lunch, but before I could ask, Alice spoke.

"Edward, there's a fabulous Italian restaurant back in Port Angeles. Why don't you take Bella there for an early dinner? We somehow managed to skip lunch and I'm sure she's famished. I've got a few things I need to take care of with Jasper. Would you mind taking her home, as well?"

I was flabbergasted. What was Alice doing? What if Edward didn't want to have dinner with me? What if he had plans? I silently cursed Alice when I realized I must have had a horrified expression on my face because Edward's face instantly appeared distressed, leaving me rather uncomfortable with the entire situation.

"Alice," he said, his voice full of – what was it? Regret? I just knew it. He didn't want to be around me. I lowered my head and sighed. I felt the familiar pain creep through me when I suddenly heard the rest of his words. "Bella may prefer to spend her time with you."

Was he insane? I liked Alice, but it was Edward with whom I wanted to spend my time; I had dreamed of him these many years. It was always him. How could he think otherwise? I guess my feelings weren't as obvious as I thought. I didn't want to insult Alice, but almost as if she knew what I was thinking, she responded to Edward.

"Bella would love to have dinner with you," she replied.

I hated that they were talking about me as if I wasn't there; however, I was unable to stop myself from smiling at the possibility of dinner with Edward, and my customary blush spread across my cheeks as I looked over at him shyly.

"It would be my pleasure, if it's alright with you," he said, looking over at me, waiting for a response. I always became tongue-tied in his presence, having difficulty forming a rational thought so it took a moment for me to squeak out my answer.

"Yes, that would be fine," I said quietly, nodding my head in consent.

I looked around the room and every member of the family was smiling, except for Rosalie. I wondered why she didn't like me, but I was so happy to be spending time with Edward that her distaste for me was not going to dampen my spirits.

After saying goodbye to everyone, Edward led me to his car which, like Alice's, was far from ordinary. It fit Edward perfectly. I was beginning to feel self-conscious again as I thought of my old red truck.

As I reached for the handle of the car door, Edward appeared and quickly opened it for me. He was a perfect gentleman. I'd never noticed this type of behavior from any of the guys at school who had dated girls I knew. It seemed very old-fashioned, but it was nice and I liked it. He made sure I was seated comfortably with my seatbelt securely fastened before closing the door and walking around to the driver's side. As he placed his right leg into the car and began to sit down, I couldn't help but notice how long and muscular his legs really were.

I knew we wouldn't be in the car for more than thirty minutes, so I wasn't sure if I should start up a conversation while we were driving or wait until we got to the restaurant. I really wanted to talk about the night at the pier, but wondered if a public place was the proper location and how it might be difficult to talk if we were eating. I hoped I would have his undivided attention in the restaurant, yet I didn't want to just sit in silence for the entire ride so I decided to start with something easy.

"Edward," I said as I paused to make sure I was calm. "Thank you for agreeing to take me to dinner. It's very kind of you. I'm sorry that Alice put you on the spot." I glanced down at my hands which were folded in my lap before looking over at him timidly.

"It's my pleasure," he replied, the most stunning crooked smile gracing his gorgeous face. "I hope you didn't feel pressured into coming. Alice can be very persuasive at times," Edward said as he chuckled under his breath.

"It's fine, really," I stated, smiling back at him. Of course it was fine – how could it not be? I wondered if he could hear my heart pounding through my chest; I was sure it was going to fly right out of my ribcage from over-excitement.

We talked about mundane things after that initial awkward moment. He asked me about school, my plans for college, nothing out of the ordinary. The most unusual thing was that each time I asked him a question about himself he'd change the subject and refocus the attention back on me. It made me uncomfortable and I was about to mention it just as we arrived at the restaurant.

I glanced over at Edward as I proceeded to unhook my seatbelt, but before I could reach for the door handle, he was there, opening it for me. How did he do that? I hadn't even seen him get out of the car. Notwithstanding his quick movements, he continued to behave like a perfect gentleman, reaching his hand out toward mine and helping me out of the car.

All of a sudden, a shiver ran up my spine which had nothing to do with the temperature of his skin. It was something else entirely, like static electricity, caused by the way I scooted out of the seat. In any case, Edward must have felt it, too, because he jerked his hand away from mine as he frowned.

Why had I agreed to this? It was obvious he didn't want to be here with me. Was it because he was so much older? Maybe he was uncomfortable with what people might think. After all, I had only recently turned seventeen and although I was uncertain just how old he was, I was fairly sure he was too old for me. And I was much too young for him.

What really bothered me was that the more I looked at him, the more I was absolutely positive he truly looked the same as he had in Frankfurt. I was certain of it, especially after spending the afternoon at his house with the rest of his family, who also appeared precisely as they had eight years ago. I knew the thought had crossed my mind earlier in the day, but I had been too preoccupied with seeing everyone again that I hadn't taken the time to deliberate over my suspicions.

I suppose they could have aged well, but there was more, such as their cold, hard skin and gold colored eyes. There was definitely something weird about the Cullens, I just didn't know what it was. Regardless, they had always been kind to me and had saved me on more than one occasion. It almost seemed as if they were protecting me. So no matter what my overactive imagination could conjure up as to what or who they were, it didn't really matter, I was just curious.

As we walked into the restaurant and approached the hostess, it became apparent that I was not the only person who recognized just how fabulously gorgeous Edward was – I watched while the hostess lost her ability to speak around him. I knew exactly how she felt, but that didn't stop the hostility rising up from the pit of my stomach, and it didn't help my lack of self-confidence that she was taller and prettier than me.

I tried to push away the disparaging thoughts I was having about the hostess and, even though I was extremely annoyed by her behavior, I _almost_ felt sorry for her. In any case, I didn't want anything to detract from my evening with Edward so I returned my attention to the menu as I let out a big sigh. I hadn't meant for Edward to hear me, but he did. He put down his menu and glanced over at me.

"What's wrong?" he asked, staring deeply into my eyes.

"It's nothing," I said. He definitely didn't need to know what I was thinking.

"Bella, please tell me what's on your mind," he said, sounding apprehensive.

"Really, it's nothing," I said, not wanting to sound rude; there was no way I would tell Edward how attracted I was to him and how he affected me. I was sure that it would be too weird for him since I was so much younger.

"Please let me know what's in that pretty little head of yours. I'm usually quite good at reading people, but you are very difficult to figure out," Edward said in a huff.

"That's surprising," I replied. "My mother says I'm an 'open book'. She always seems to know when I try to lie to her or hide something from her because she says it's written all over my face."

"Well, maybe it's because your mother knows you so well. Unfortunately for me, I don't know you well enough, at least not _yet_. Perhaps one day I will be able to figure you out," he remarked with a smile on his face.

Wait – what did he say? It was unfortunate that he didn't know me well enough _yet_? Would I actually be so lucky as to have other opportunities to get to know Edward better? There had to be a way for me to find out what he thought about our age difference.

It was still difficult to understand how Edward hadn't noticed the hostess and her reaction to him, but if he wanted to know what I was thinking, I supposed I could tell him about her without disclosing my interest in him.

"You _really_ didn't notice how you dazzled the hostess? She was left speechless by you," I said, as I started giggling.

"Dazzle?" Edward asked, totally oblivious and unaware.

"Evidently she was struck by your, um, good looks," I mumbled, hoping he hadn't realized I was blushing.

"Do _you_ think I'm good-looking?" Edward asked as a sly grin spread across his face. "Do I dazzle _you_?"

Those were precisely the questions I didn't want to answer. There was no way he needed to know that a seventeen year old was infatuated with him. Perhaps he would find it amusing, but most likely he would find it unsettling. Even if he wasn't interested – well, of course he wasn't – maybe we could at least be friends.

_Friends._

That word brought back memories of Chris, Carolyn and Jacob. I instinctively brought my arms around my chest squeezing myself tightly. What would I do if Edward and I became friends and he left me, just like the others?

"Bella, what's wrong?" Edward asked in a whisper, so softly that I barely heard him.

"Nothing really. I was just thinking of someone I once knew," I said, fighting hard to keep back the tears.

"Is there anything I can do?" he asked, reaching out to touch my arm.

The moment his hand made contact with my skin, the familiar electrical sensation pulsed through me and the tingling feeling remained even when he pulled his hand away. I watched him closely to see if he would frown, as he had when he'd helped me out of the car, but I was pleasantly surprised when he smiled as I gazed deeply into his topaz eyes.

I sighed and unfolded my arms. I was very curious whether or not he had felt the static or electrical current or whatever it was. Apparently, he had the same idea because at that exact same time we both asked each other, "Did you feel that?"

It was so odd, the connection we seemed to share and I laughed out of sheer nervousness. He looked at me, a bewildered expression on his face; after a moment he was chuckling, too.

"Well, I guess that answers the question," Edward said, grinning.

"Yes, it certainly does," I said, glancing up at him demurely.

I hadn't even looked at the menu yet when I noticed that our server had arrived to take our orders.

"Hi, I'm Vicky and I'll be assisting you this evening. What can I get for you?" she asked, staring directly at Edward while totally ignoring me.

Her behavior was no better than the hostess's and I felt myself getting irritated once again. I wanted her to leave as quickly as possible so I selected the first item I saw.

"The vegetable lasagna and a coke would be fine. Thanks."

"Nothing for me," Edward said as he looked over at me, trying to gauge my reaction.

I gave him a questioning look.

"Special diet," he said with a smirk.

I felt awkward eating in front of him so when my dinner arrived I cut the lasagna into pieces before pushing them around my plate. I didn't want to seem like a pig, even though I was starving.

"Bella," Edward said, his tone a bit lower than I was used to hearing. "Please eat your dinner. Don't be self-conscious just because I'm not eating. Please?"

Who could ever turn down a request made in that voice, by that face? Certainly not me. I suddenly forgot every reason why I hadn't eaten and dug almost ferociously into the lasagna. Apparently I hadn't realized just how hungry I was and as I looked over at Edward, he was smiling brightly.

We talked as I ate, but it seemed we were just passing the time. He asked me how I liked Forks, where I had lived after leaving Germany, how different Washington must be from Arizona, nothing important. By the time we were ready to go, I had yet to ask my questions, but _those _required me to have courage – something I didn't have yet.

I was beginning to lay out pieces of the puzzle that made up Edward Cullen. Some things I'd known for years – he had cold, hard skin, golden eyes, and was extremely pale. In addition, I now knew he didn't seem to age and he was on a 'special diet'. And I couldn't forget how fast he disappeared after saving me and how quickly he seemed to get around the car to open my door.

My mind was working overtime trying to figure out the mystery, but I couldn't quite make the leap.

_Cold._

_Hard._

_Golden eyes._

_Pale._

_Fast._

_Doesn't appear to age._

_Special diet._

Something was there, I just knew it. It seemed I had the answer stored away somewhere in the back of my mind, but I couldn't get it out. Regardless, he seemed more than human. I immediately felt silly for thinking such a thing – not human? What else could he be? I shook my head at the ridiculous turn my thoughts had taken. I was losing my mind. Superheroes weren't real, neither were princes, just as there really were no monsters under the bed or hiding in closets.

Vicky, our server came back and asked, "Would you like anything else?" Her eyes never left Edward's face and she never once acknowledged I was even at the table. I wanted to claw her eyes out, but that would not be appropriate dinner behavior. I wasn't usually a violent person, but this girl was _really_ getting on my nerves. It was a good thing we would be leaving soon.

Edward looked at me and I shook my head 'no'.

"Just the check, please," Edward replied in his smooth velvety voice which seemed to unnerve her as he glanced up, waiting.

"Oh, okay," she stuttered, her voice shaking as she pulled a rectangular black leather folder out from her apron and handed it to Edward.

He already had a bill in his hand which he slipped in the folder and handed back to her.

"No change," he said, giving her that darned dazzling smile as he stood up. I followed a bit too quickly, stumbling in the process. Then I felt cold hands around me.

"Are you alright?" he asked, making sure I was securely on my feet before letting go.

"Yeah, thanks," I said, looking down in embarrassment.

I was such a klutz. Why couldn't I get through one evening without making myself look bad? At least, my inability to stand on a flat surface without falling didn't seem to bother Edward. Perhaps he was just trying to make sure I didn't stumble again, but as we walked out of the restaurant, he put his arm around my shoulder. I seized the moment, reveling in the feeling of Edward's body so close to mine. I looked up at him and saw a smirk on his face. Maybe he was just trying not to laugh at me while at the same time preventing me from falling. _That _made sense and explained why his arm was around me, as my momentary happiness disappeared as quickly as it had come. When we arrived at the car, he once again opened the door for me as I heard his calm, alluring voice.

"Are you ready to head home?"

I didn't really want to leave. I had left Charlie a note saying that I'd be late and Renee was out of town until tomorrow, yet I didn't want to take up too much of Edward's time if he had other plans. Unsure of exactly how to answer the question I replied, "If you're ready to go." It was the chicken's way out, but I really wasn't ready to have the evening end.

"Well, if you have time, we could go to the pier," he said hesitantly.

It seemed we were going back to where it started – again; perhaps I'd finally get the answers I was looking for. Maybe it would be easier to discuss what happened since we were returning to the scene of the crime, so to speak.

"Okay," I said. "I've always enjoyed the breeze and the peace I feel at the pier this time of the day."

I thought it was weird that Edward parked his car right where my truck had been parked the last time I'd been there. I shook my head; I was probably putting meaning into actions that were just coincidental. I was about to reach for the handle when I decided to wait for him to open the door. And just as he had previously done, he assisted me in getting out of the car. I felt his cool hand on the small of my back and found it comforting. We walked at the same pace; I was hoping he wouldn't drop his hand and we continued in silence until we arrived at the entrance of the pier.

"Please be careful. Some of the boards are loose," Edward said.

"Yes, I'm aware of that," I replied, slightly annoyed. I couldn't believe we were dancing around the issue. We needed to directly address what happened.

"Edward?"

"Yes, Bella."

"You know very well that I tripped, cut my hand and arm and fell over the edge of the pier because you caught me before setting me down on the sand." The words tumbled out of my mouth quickly before I could change my mind.

"I know what happened," Edward stated. He didn't sound angry, more concerned about what it was I had reminded him of and I couldn't quite understand the expression on his face because if I had to guess, I would have thought he looked agonized. Did he regret saving me?

"Did you know I was at the pier that night or did I just get lucky ... again?"

Edward looked at me as he leaned over the railing. He was silent and for a moment I considered the possibility that perhaps he hadn't heard me. I was about to repeat myself when he spoke.

"Bella, what do you want me to say?" He sounded frustrated.

"I just want to know ... the truth." I couldn't understand why that was so difficult for him to comprehend.

"Why does it matter? I prevented you from falling into the water and now you're fine. Does it really make a difference how it all happened?" The more Edward talked about that night the more agitated he seemed to become.

I didn't understand why everything about the Cullens was so mysterious.

"What's really going on? I wasn't allowed to tell my parents about how you helped me return home and now you won't be honest with me, even though you saved me yet again," I said, my voice laced with aggravation.

Edward shook his head and sighed before looking over at me as I straightened up. He remained still, leaning against the railing. After what seemed like an eternity, he stood up before taking my hands in his. The familiar sensation that seemed to occur whenever our skin made contact ran through my hands and up my arms until it found its way to my chest. Suddenly, the constant nagging pain that had become a daily part of living was gone. It was as if Edward himself filled the gaping hole in my heart and I couldn't stop myself from gasping as my eyes opened wide.

"Bella?"

I couldn't speak; I was totally stunned. I knew he had felt it before, but this time it seemed like so much more, at least it was to me. It was the first time I'd felt whole in _years_. All I could do was stare into his amber eyes.

"I feel it as well," Edward said, quietly, as his penetrating gaze caused my knees to buckle beneath me.

"Careful there," he stated as he removed his hands from mine and grasped me about my waist, pulling me closer toward him.

I leaned into Edward's chest and as I inhaled, I recognized his scent, the one that I had smelled in my room from time to time. What was going on?

"Bella, what are you thinking?"

Too many thoughts, too many questions, were swirling around my head. I couldn't figure anything out so I decided it was my turn to throw his words back at him.

"What do you want me to say, Edward?"

He looked at me, not letting me go and I didn't move, afraid of ending the moment we were sharing, whatever it was, whatever it meant. I had waited eight long years to see him again and I wasn't in any hurry for the evening to end.

"Bella, there is so much I want to say, to share with you, but I don't think I can," Edward said as he looked deep into my eyes.

I could only imagine what he wanted to tell me; probably that he didn't care for me the way I cared for him. Of course he didn't, he couldn't; he already had someone. He was probably trying to let me down gently and I could almost detect the pity he must have felt for me in the tone of his sultry voice. He probably had to deal with this type of thing all the time; girls constantly throwing themselves at him. I had allowed myself to believe there was something between us because I wanted it so badly. But all I had succeeded in doing was making myself look like an idiot.

"Edward, it's okay. I understand. You're older than me, you have ... someone; you have been very kind to me, but I get it. Don't worry, I'm fine," I said, pulling away and turning my back to him as I began walking toward his car. I needed to get away. I needed to get home, but I didn't want to drive with him. "Would you please call Alice? Perhaps she could take me home."

"No, Bella, you don't understand," Edward replied, an almost panicked sound in his voice. "Please don't walk away from me, don't leave."

Suddenly I felt his cold hand on my shoulder, only it served to remind me of the day Chris had touched me and that I had run away from him, too. Then memories of the accident, which had been all my fault, flooded through my mind. I waited for the usual pain to blast a hole through my chest, but surprisingly, it didn't come. I waited another minute, but still nothing. Then Edward lifted his hand off my shoulder and the all too familiar anxiety began to creep through me, causing me to inhale suddenly as I found myself falling forward.

I waited to land face first on the ground, but it never happened. Edward had saved me once more and as soon as I felt his arms around me, the anxiousness I felt instantly lessened. What kind of hold did he have over me? Being in his presence seemed to relax me and his touch appeared to actually repair the hole in my heart. I looked up at him and saw a tortured expression on his face. Did being near me cause him pain? I tried to step back, but he wouldn't let me go.

"Bella, I want to explain, I truly do, but –" Edward stopped speaking when we heard his phone chirp. He looked down and muttered, "Alice."

I waited as he quickly read his message; I didn't realize I was holding my breath until I gasped for air and I heard him chuckle.

"Breathe?" Edward asked as I felt my face getting warm.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yes, Alice just reminded me of something. No big deal," he said, shaking his head, grinning.

"If you need to leave, we can go," I replied sadly. I hadn't said all I needed to say and I still had tons of questions as I once more became extremely self-conscious.

"No, I'm not in any rush. What time do you need to get home?"

"My dad won't be home until after seven pm. I left him a note saying I probably wouldn't be home until around ten pm.; however, you can take me back whenever you need to – I don't want to interfere with any plans you may have," I spoke quickly, not wanting him to realize just how anxious I was to remain in his presence. Somehow he must have guessed.

"The only plans I have this evening are to talk with you for as long as you're willing and able," Edward replied, the crooked smile I loved so much spread across his entire face. "Shall we sit?" Edward pointed to an empty bench on the pier and I nodded.

I had many questions, but I wasn't sure where to start. Regardless of the more curious inquiries I needed to make, the first thing I had to know was if he was dating somebody. I was certain he must love someone and to learn the truth would probably cause me more pain than I'd ever experienced before, but I needed to know. Nothing else mattered.

"Edward, tell me about her?" I asked. It was the easiest question I could think of at that moment.

"W...what?"

It seemed I had taken him by surprise.

"You must have met someone after all this time. What is she like?" I gulped loudly as I stared out over the water.

"Why would you ask such a question?" Edward looked at me with a confused expression on his face.

I refused to answer, so I asked another.

"Will she mind that you're spending time with me?"

"Bella, the only person I'm spending the evening with is you and the only people who have any interest in who I spend my time with are the members of my family. If you recall the smiles on their faces when we left the house, I would suspect they are not at all upset," Edward replied, seemingly relieved by the answer he provided to me.

It was difficult to believe that Edward didn't have a special someone, but that's what he seemed to be saying, so I would let it go. For now.

"How old are you?"

"How old do you think I am?" he asked in return.

Why did Edward always seem to answer my questions with more questions? It still bothered me that his family was so secretive, but I was sure there had to be a reason. I didn't want to imagine he was really as old as I had originally thought, so I decided to start at a lower age.

"Well, I thought you may have been fifteen when you helped return me to my parents eight years ago so that would make you twenty-three now?" I was certain he was much older, but I hoped it would sound better if I thought he was younger.

Edward was silent for what felt like forever when he finally answered.

"My family has a rather odd genetic mutation which causes us to physically age very slowly. I suppose you could say I am seventeen," Edward explained, a rather peculiar expression on his face. He almost seemed amused by his answer. Was he telling me the truth?

"You can't be only seventeen," I replied. "I'm seventeen."

"Physically I'm seventeen," he said, chuckling. "Let's leave it at that, shall we?"

I had a hard time believing that Edward wasn't dating anyone and that he was physically the same age as me. It was really bizarre. I needed to get more information about their genetic mutation so that I would better understand their odd family characteristics.

"Would the genetic mutation also be the cause of your cold, hard, pale skin and your golden eyes?" I asked.

"Yes, actually, it would," he answered, relief evident in his expression.

"What about your speed and special diet? Is that a part of it as well?"

"I guess I can't get anything by you," Edward replied, smiling. "Do you have any other questions?"

"Only one. You never did answer my earlier question – did you know I was here the day I fell off the pier or did I just get lucky again?"

"Would you believe me if I said that I just happened to be in the right place at the right time?"

"Not really, but that seems to be how things work when you're involved," I said, not sure I was satisfied with his answer, but content for the time being.

It was getting late and I didn't want Charlie to worry, nor did I really want to explain why I had left with Alice and was being brought home by Edward, so much to my dismay I suggested that we leave. He opened the door for me as he had all evening and waited for me to get settled before closing the door. Once he got into the car, he looked over at me, his eyes glowing.

"Bella, I had a nice time this evening," he said quietly.

"I did, too. Thanks for dinner and for talking with me. I appreciate your honesty," I responded, grateful that he had provided me with at least a few answers, although I still wasn't sure whether or not he'd told me the entire truth.

Suddenly Edward's expression became dark; it didn't seem he was angry, more upset or perhaps concerned? I couldn't tell. What had I said that would have put such a scowl on his face? I didn't really know what to say, but it upset me that he appeared so distraught and since I couldn't find the proper words, I reached out and touched his face without even thinking. I wanted to wipe away his frown and the creases that had appeared between his eyebrows, but when I did so, the electrical pulse shocked me again. I started to pull my hand away, afraid I'd hurt him, but Edward stopped me and placed my hand back on his cheek. As he nuzzled his face in my hand, his expression changed to one of calm. I didn't move so when he turned his face, his nose and mouth touched my palm. I was shocked to see that he was inhaling, but what did he smell? Did he somehow think I smelled as good to him as he did to me?

Suddenly, he kissed my palm and then he immediately placed his cool hands on either side of my face, almost cradling my cheeks with his exquisitely long fingers. He peered into my eyes, his face only inches from mine. "Bella," he sighed, the sound infused with longing.

I couldn't help myself as I once again inhaled his intoxicating scent. That was the last thing I remember before everything went black.

**-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o**

**EPOV**

As I ran through the blackness of the Olympia National Forest, I still could not believe that I had left Bella. Again. I knew I would not harm her, but the sight and smell of her overwhelmingly aromatic blood had called to me louder and stronger than ever, the glorious perfume singing to me once again. I had felt the venom pool in the back of my throat, and the monster inside me had rubbed his hands together in anticipation. Though I had wrestled him back immediately and almost instinctively, I could not take a chance when it came to Bella's safety, so there was no choice. I had to leave.

I was proud of the fact that I knew, truly _knew_ down to the last cell in my frozen body, that I would never hurt her because the thought of existing without her was so much more excruciatingly painful than keeping my bloodlust under control, and yet I still could not remain. I did not trust myself to be alone with her as the open wounds on her hand and arm allowed her ambrosial scent to float around me, permeating the air with its fragrance.

The memory alone made my mouth flood with excess venom. I swallowed convulsively.

I realized that Bella needed medical attention, but consoled myself with the knowledge that she would be physically capable of driving herself to the nearest hospital conveniently located right in Port Angeles, where Carlisle worked. I made a quick call to alert him to the situation.

"Edward, is everything alright?" He was immediately concerned, knowing that I would only call him at work in an emergency.

"It's Bella. She fell and cut her palm and arm. She was about to fall off the pier, but I caught her and placed her on the sand below. She saw me; I'm certain she recognized me." I spoke quickly, my worries about her clear in my strained voice.

I heard my father sigh before he said, "You had better start at the beginning."

I explained everything to him while he listened intently. Bella knew I was nearby and that I had saved her again. I was anticipating that he would be judgmental of my careless behavior; however, Carlisle was not upset in the least.

"Her blood was freely flowing and you _left_?" Carlisle inquired, his voice dripping with incredulity.

"I know, it was a stupid thing to do – I should have brought her to the hospital myself. I should have made certain she was alright, but instead I panicked and I ran," I replied, fully disgusted by my cowardly behavior.

"No, Edward, you misunderstand. I cannot believe you left her _alive_. How did you do it? I understand the scent of her blood no longer holds the same power over you as it once did, but her injuries, the ones you've previously been exposed to, never broke the skin. And yet in the dark of night, with no one around to stop you, you were able to leave? It's amazing, unheard of. I cannot begin to emphasize to you how strong you truly are."

I had never thought about it that way, always considering the need to control my bloodlust a weakness. It seemed rather pathetic that I had to work so hard to keep from killing the love of my life, having to flee before the monster could strike, leaving Bella alone to fend for herself.

Was it possible that my love for Bella had permanently caged the monster within me? The hope that exploded through my frozen heart was so overwhelming that I almost felt warm inside. Carlisle's words brought about an epiphany – Bella was safe from the bloodthirsty fiend inside me. Rapture filled my soul.

_You have no soul._

I ignored the voice of the vicious hag in the back of my mind. Before this day, I had never believed I had a soul even though Carlisle had attempted to convince me otherwise on numerous occasions. I had been absolutely certain that our kind were damned soulless demons, never allowing myself to consider any other possibility. But, if we had not lost our souls because we strove to be more than what we had become, then would it be possible to allow Bella to become one of us? What if my greatest fear, turning Bella into an evil, heartless monster doomed to hell, was not what would happen? Would I truly be able to keep her with me for all eternity?

_No._

Again, I ignored the nagging voice. Yes, yes – it _was _true. Why had I not realized this before?

_Getting ahead of yourself, aren't you?_

Of course, the question that remained was would Bella _want_ to become one of us. And if she did, would she want to remain with me? Would she be willing to leave her family? I would change her if she so desired, but it was her choice to make – it had always been her choice. Once I had fallen in love with her, the choice had always been hers.

I was still nervous about seeing her again and I needed to figure out the best way to bring her to the realization of what I was and what I was offering her. The most important question I needed answered was, could she love me? I ached at the notion that she might – Carlisle and Alice had assured me over the years that she and I were meant to be together, but how best to approach Bella?

I had been so lost in my thoughts that I had actually forgotten Carlisle was still on the phone until I heard his voice.

"Edward?"

"Yes, I'm sorry. I hope that Bella will come to the hospital, but there will be so many questions and her parents will need to be called before treatment can commence if the 'regular' hospital personnel treat her. It will take much too long for them to travel from Forks to Port Angeles and I doubt it would be wise for Bella's care to be postponed for that length of time. Is there any way you can take care of her without all the necessary paperwork, without contacting her parents? Besides, if she sees you, she'll understand that we are all here and perhaps you'll be able to find a way for me to see her again," I rambled nervously, my voice filled with hope for the first time since the day I woke up as a vampire.

"Don't worry, Edward. I'll find Bella and handle the situation as well as find a way to broach the subject of our family with her. I know how important she is to you and I have complete confidence that all will work out as it should. Why don't you go home or hunt and I'll call you as soon as Bella has been treated and is on her way home."

"Thank you," was all I could say. My father was so understanding, so compassionate and I was never more grateful than at that moment. How had I ever believed that he, among all creatures, human and vampire alike, did not have a soul? It was utterly preposterous.

I did need to hunt, but I needed to see Alice first. As I approached the house, she ran out and I immediately stopped in my tracks. In her mind, I saw Bella with Carlisle and how relieved she seemed to be, how he was able to care for her and how easily he obtained her home address and telephone number while he provided all our cell phone numbers to her. I was certain there was more to Alice's vision, but she seemed to once again be keeping something from me.

"Alice, must we continue to do this?" I asked frustrated

"It's nothing, Edward. I just like to keep you on your toes," she replied, snickering.

"When will I see her again?" I was very anxious to begin my life with Bella; I had never felt so carefree, so buoyant before.

"All in good time, Edward. It won't be much longer and this time I will let you know because I'm certain I'll get the timing right long before you'll even have a chance to think about it," Alice said, laughing.

Alice and I entered our home; before the door was shut behind us, Esme stood in front of us, gazing at me lovingly as only a mother could. I looked from her face to Alice and back again.

"Alice already told me about her vision of Carlisle with Bella _and_ what happened at the pier. Your strength and determination are nothing short of amazing," my mother said to me, smiling. _"I'm so happy for you, Edward."_

I could not stop a shy grin from spreading across my face, although I was well aware of the hurdles that still remained. At least I had finally conquered my fears and I had come to terms with the beast within. Best of all, Bella would not die at my hand.

_Oh, but she will._

I had already closed the door of the cage, slammed it shut, but I still needed to find a way to permanently muzzle the vicious creature. I would do nothing without Bella's consent, nothing unless it was what she desired. I would not force her into this life unless and until she was completely aware of all the consequences, the good and the bad.

_What's so good about this existence?_

No. I would not listen. I refused to permit the vile demon to bring me down again. For nearly ninety years I had detested what I had become, hating myself, never finding love nor feeling worthy of looking for it. Not any more.

Bella would be mine.

_Are you sure?_

I could not be absolutely positive of her feelings for me until after we were once again reunited; however, everyone in my family seemed certain of the ultimate outcome which allowed me to finally believe. Therefore, I would remain hopeful.

Hearing Rosalie brought me out of my musing.

_"Who are you and what have you done with my morose, sullen and moody brother?"_

"Very funny, Rosalie," I replied, unable to stop myself from smirking at her. "And, by the way, thank you."

_"Okay, now I know you're possessed or you've lost your mind," _Rosalie thought, as she chuckled under her breath.

"I am quite serious," I said, trying hard to keep a smile off my face.

_"Oh, there he is. I knew my somber sibling couldn't stay gone too long,"_ Rosalie contemplated as she snickered at me.

"That's alright. Mock me if you must, but I'll be the one who gets the last laugh," I replied, jutting my chin out as I raised my face up toward the sky, letting a few words escape my mouth. It was a nearly silent prayer to something, someone, _some entity_,asking that Bella would somehow love me. And that's when all the doubts, fears and anxiety began to creep back into my mind.

I should not have left Bella at the pier. I should have done something to assist her, aid her. At that most critical juncture of my existence, I had taken a wrong turn because I should be somewhere else doing something that mattered – I should be taking care of Bella, and yet here I sat, in the confines of my comfortable home, while she was where? With Carlisle being stitched back together? On her way home, alone and in pain? I had been utterly useless when it mattered most.

Yes, there they were – all the doubts my frozen heart had tried so desperately to push aside had started to gather once more.

_You have a heart?_

And so it began again.

_What can you really do for Bella? _

_You're totally worthless._

_Why should she love you?_

_Why would she want to endure this existence with you?_

The detestable monster had reared its ugly head and I was unable to ignore it because the words echoing through my mind spoke the truth and I was scared, terrified even, that I would somehow fail Bella.

_You have already failed her. You're no good at all._

I was such a fool to believe the ramblings of my family. How could I have allowed Alice's visions to give me false hope? I had killed before, feasted on humans. I was a fiend; there was no denying it. Why did I permit myself to accept her version of the future? Why had I allowed myself the opportunity to believe that I could actually do something right by Bella for a change, when I had failed her so many times in the past? After all, I had not been there for her on so many occasions, unable to make a difference at the most significant times of her life.

_You never comforted her when Chris died._

_You weren't there when her best friend abandoned her._

_You were unable to prevent her from running on the pier and falling, injuring herself._

At the times Bella needed me the most, I had not fulfilled my destiny. I had not been her guardian, protector, and comforter. I had wasted those opportunities and would never get those chances again to make a difference in her life.

But even though I believed it was too late, even though my soul was full of regret, there was still a minuscule part of me that hoped that Alice would be right in the long run and I could not give up, not yet.

_You'll never measure up – you'll never be the _man _she needs._

_You have no soul – why would she want you?_

It was true. While I now believed that Carlisle probably had a soul, it did nothing to dissuade me that I did not. Why would Bella want to spend eternity with a soulless demon? Bella would be fine without me, but I could never _be_ without her, so somehow I had to try to convince her to accompany me while we traversed this miserable journey together.

_"Edward!"_

I heard Alice mentally yelling at me and as I turned to face her, she was more than angry. She seemed furious.

"Alice, what happened? Is Bella alright?" I felt as if a vice had been clamped around my chest, tightening it. Was she okay? Had she gotten into an accident?

_"Do you actually enjoy the torture you force yourself to endure? Do you enjoy the depravity?"_

Alice glared at me as Jasper walked into the room; he could feel the indignation, exasperation, and irritation exuding from his wife.

_"Whoa, what's going on?"_

It didn't take more than a fraction of a second for him to realize that there was a mental battle waging between Alice and I.

_"Edward, what have you done _this _time?"_

I sighed. He would never understand. He was not alone. He had Alice.

"Edward is brooding again," Alice said icily.

"I had a momentary lapse of judgment. I listened to the wrong voice," I replied sorrowfully.

Jasper looked between us questioningly.

"Edward was succumbing to his inner demon."

How was it that Alice knew me so well?

"Oh, he was on his 'I'm unworthy of Bella' trip again?"

"Yes, Jasper, I was, okay? Apparently I'm not as stalwart as you," I spat, the words hissing through my teeth as I scowled bitterly at both of them.

"Edward, why won't you believe me? Bella is meant for you! She will love you. Even your inner turmoil doesn't change what I've seen, provided you don't leave again," Alice said, her words sounding urgent, desperate.

I knew she believed, but I was afraid, reluctant to truly accept Alice's version of the truth because I was terrified that she might be wrong. What if Bella didn't want me? I could not survive without the sunlight of my life that was Bella.

I inhaled in a meager attempt to relax, calm myself as I looked over anxiously at Jasper. He smiled at me and I instantly felt a wave of peace. I could feel the tension leave my shoulders as Alice allowed me to relive her visions of Bella and I as we married, of our time in the meadow and while I admired her lovingly as she sparkled in the sun. I _had _to believe in the images I saw, for without them there was no reason to continue.

Suddenly I felt the phone vibrate in my pocket. Pulling it out, I glanced at the screen before quickly answering.

"Carlisle, is everything alright?" I could feel the anxiety rise inside me.

"She's fine. Calm down. I just thought you'd like to know Bella's on her way home. I thought that perhaps you'd want to follow her to make sure she arrives safely," my father said.

He knew me better than anyone and he always seemed to know precisely what I needed.

"Thank you. I'll leave right now," I responded as I quickly ended the call.

_"Take care of yourself, Edward." _Jasper looked in my direction as he sensed a change in my mood.

I nodded and hugged Alice before leaving, but not before hearing my sister provide me with one last bit of encouragement.

_"It will work out, just have faith."_

**-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o**

It didn't take long before I heard Bella's old truck as I made my way through the forest, keeping as close to the roads as possible while still ensuring no one would see me. I was more than relieved when Bella arrived home safe and sound, without further incident or injury. No sooner had she entered the house did the interrogation begin.

"Oh honey, what happened? Why did you and Jacob fight? Everything will be all right, you'll see," Renee rambled.

_"Did he do something to her? She must have been quite upset to drive all the way to Port Angeles at the spur of the moment. If he hurt her, Charlie will kill him."_

If that boy laid even one finger on my Bella I would tear him apart before he ever had an opportunity to phase. I could feel my fury boiling over, but I did not want a repeat of her birthday so I forced myself to remain calm. I heard Bella sigh deeply before she answered her mother.

"I don't really want to talk about it, but I think he's angry that I only want to be friends."

I could hear the anger, bitterness and what else – was it sadness? No, that could not be. She didn't really want him, did she? Was she hoping he would be satisfied with friendship until she was ready for more?

_You're too late._

I pleaded with some unknown entity, sinking onto my knees almost in prayer, my hands covering my face. I got a glimpse, through her mother's mind, of the look on Bella's face before she headed upstairs. I contemplated moving to the tree so I could see her through her bedroom window, and asked myself if I would be able to remain calm from my perch. I had to know for sure, one way or the other, whether Bella wanted more from the boy. I had been certain she was looking only for friendship, although there was some attraction to wanting something you could not have.

_You would know all about that._

I picked myself up off the ground and climbed quickly through the branches of the tree to watch Bella, feeling like the proverbial peeping Tom. I wanted to go to her and tell her how I felt; I needed her to know that I loved her and that she did not need _him_, as a friend or otherwise. I would give her everything she wanted.

_Except a life, a family, a future._

I was so tired of the inner battle that seemed to consume me. What would it take to make it end? I had tried over and over again to believe, to hope, to have faith, but the reality was that I would never be able to give Bella what a human male could. I could not give her warmth, she would not be able to bear my children, and we would never grow old together while watching our grandchildren play.

I still could not leave and was most anxious for Bella to go to sleep. It seemed fate finally was on my side because Bella did go to sleep early, and although her parents remained awake downstairs, I decided to take the chance and risk going to her because I could wait no longer.

I stood quietly in the corner for a while, after climbing in through the open window, and then sat in the rocking chair watching her glorious face as it began to relax, and saw the tension previously evident disappear. Out of nowhere, fast asleep, she spoke the words I would have given my life to hear.

"Edward, I love you."

My frigid, silent heart swelled in my chest from the sheer force of hope her words ignited in me. Instantly, I was at her side, whispering in her ear, "As I love you."

A smile spread across her face and she sighed. At that moment, it seemed as if my long frozen heart actually beat. The joy I experienced upon hearing her words made me soar. I knew it would be some time before I could speak those words to her when she was awake, but time no longer mattered. Bella loved _me._

_She doesn't yet know the truth of what you are._

There was nothing the evil savage could say to take away the happiness I felt. Bella loved me! The elation I experienced when I had finally admitted to myself that I was in love with her could not even begin to compare to the exhilaration that flowed through me when Bella spoke those three tiny words. Hearing her speak that simple phrase out loud, even in her sleep, would keep me going until she whispered them to me once more.

Preferably while she was awake.

Bella was quiet the rest of the night and since her nightmares did not plague her, I felt better about leaving her to hunt. As I walked toward her window I realized I felt nearly _alive_.

_You're not alive. You're the undead._

I was alive because Bella's love had made it so. The energy that coursed through my body, the feeling of completeness, allowed me to finally understand the rapture of finding my mate. Bella's love had made me whole and for all the years my family had suffered through my capricious moods, I thought they deserved to share in my overwhelming jubilation. I looked back at my sweet love once more as I prepared to take my leave.

"I love you, Bella. Now and forever," I said before returning to her bedside, leaning down to kiss her on the forehead. She began to stir; I knew I needed to go, but I could not until I whispered once more in her ear.

"Soon, my love. Soon we will be together."

Then, although I wanted to remain, I took my leave.

**-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o**

Once school let out for the holiday break, Bella spent most of her time at home helping her mother; I was surprised that she was still not spending any time with Jacob Black. I had no idea what caused their fall-out, but Bella had not made any attempt to rectify the situation which was surprising. It seemed odd that she was not putting forth any effort to reclaim that relationship. Not that I was complaining. It was actually quite a relief to me.

I was more than anxious to speak with Bella, yet every time I spoke with Alice about possible future outcomes, she would advise against calling Bella; eventually, what little patience I possessed ran out.

"Alice, I'm going to call her now. I don't understand your hesitancy in me speaking with her, and enough is enough," I finally snapped, annoyance evident in my voice.

"It's not that anything bad happens if you call her, it's just not as joyous as I had anticipated. I keep changing the scenarios, including the date and location, but the meeting isn't as glorious as I had hoped," Alice said, sounding defeated.

"Maybe it's going to take time to get to my happy ending. I've waited nearly a century for her; I can wait a little longer. I just want to get moving. I _need _to talk with her again and soon," I stated. My sister's stalling was exasperating.

Suddenly I saw a vision of Alice and Bella talking together at the pier, then one of Bella at our home surrounded by my family, one of Bella and I at a restaurant, and finally Bella and I alone standing together, gazing into each other's eyes.

"That's it!" Alice exclaimed. "I need to initiate the meeting so that she feels more comfortable. I know she wants to see you the most, but talking with me will help put her at ease."

I had seen enough to know better than to argue with Alice and anything that brought Bella and I together was a plan I would accept. Alice grabbed her telephone and immediately dialed Bella's phone number.

"Hello?"

"Bella, is that you?" Alice asked. She could barely contain her excitement.

_"Oh, Edward, this is going to be perfect. You'll see."_

"Alice! How are you?" Bella sounded at least as excited as Alice, perhaps even more so.

"I'm fine. How are you?"

_"Edward, calm down. You look like you're going to have a heart attack, if it were possible."_

She laughed quietly so that Bella would not hear her, but Alice was right – if I was wound any tighter I would snap just like a rubber band. I had seen her visions and I was well aware that Alice was convinced everything would work out in the end; it just seemed surreal that finally, after all these years, Bella and I might actually be together.

"I'm okay. Nothing time won't heal," Bella replied. She sounded hesitant. I knew time would in fact heal her physical wounds, but there were other emotional traumas, unseen scars that needed healing as well. Would it be possible for me to help her heal from all she'd endured through her life thus far?

"How would you like to have lunch tomorrow?"

_Say what?_

I didn't understand my sister's intentions. Was she going to tell Bella the truth about us? And this constant blocking of her thoughts was really grating on my already fragile nerves.

"Alice, what are you doing?" I whispered, feeling a bit exasperated. "Are you actually going to eat with Bella because if you don't, she'll surely suspect something?"

My little pixie of a sister was truly too much for me to handle at times. She did not show me any vision so I had no idea what she was planning. Alice just rolled her eyes at me and giggled.

"Are you kidding? That would be great," Bella said.

She sounded excited. Perhaps it was just the enthusiasm of the holiday; Christmas was only a few days away which reminded me that I needed to get a gift for Bella. Somehow I would find a way to give it to her. I did not want to upset her as I recalled her distaste for presents; however, I also remembered that _he_ had said that Bella liked the homemade kind. If that were true, perhaps she'd like a hand-me-down as well.

I smiled as I mulled over which of my human mother's trinkets I would bestow upon her. If Bella did not approve of people spending money on her, I would allow her to believe, at least for awhile, that they weren't very valuable.

"Alice, will it be just the two of us?"

"I want to see her, Alice. I _need _to see her," I murmured softly, peering into my sister's eyes, pleading for her to tell Bella that I would be joining them. However, Alice just shook her head.

_"Not yet, Edward. It's not time, but it will be, soon. Very soon."_

Alice beamed as if she had just solved the eighth mystery of the world. I sighed deeply in an effort to release the tension I felt when Alice glanced over at me, chuckling quietly to herself before she answered Bella. "Of course, silly. How can we talk about girl stuff if the boys come along?"

Bella had become quiet, not talking with Alice. What could she be thinking? I looked at Alice who waited for a moment before she said, "Bella, are you there?"

"Uh, yeah. Sorry. I'm not sure what 'stuff' you want to talk about, but I'm glad it's just us," Bella said to Alice, ripping my silent heart to shreds.

_She doesn't want you._

_She'll never want you._

Unable to ward off the sudden overwhelming pain, my legs crumbled beneath me as I staggered before feeling hands on my arms, steadying me while a wave of tranquility passed over me.

_"Ed, just because she wants to spend time with Alice doesn't mean she doesn't want you. Get a grip."_

Emmett.

_"Edward, nothing has changed. Bella's probably just nervous. After all, she most likely believes you're quite a bit older than she is. How do you expect her to handle that? I'm sure she's confused and just needs some girl time,"_ Alice thought as she allowed me again to see what she had seen. As promised, nothing had changed.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Great. There will be plenty of time for all of us to get together later. I'll call you tomorrow when I'm on my way," Alice said.

_"See, no problem. Nothing to worry about. You _really _need to learn to relax."_

Alice was, of course, right. It appeared that all my years of watching, waiting and worrying were finally about to come to an end. Bella and I would see each other again and hopefully, if all went well, it would be the beginning of the rest of our lives.

_But you're still taking away hers._

No. I refused to acknowledge the beast, its only purpose was to tear me down, make me weak, all in its evil attempts to taste Bella which I would never permit. I breathed a sigh of relief until the monster reminded me of one very important fact.

_How will you change her?_

There was my greatest fear. How could I bite her? What if I could not stop?

_You'll kill her._

I could almost see the loathsome beast grinning evilly in delight at the prospect of drinking from Bella. I shuddered at the thought before realizing that I would not be able to change her. If Bella in fact chose this life, this existence, so that she could spend eternity at my side, perhaps Carlisle would do it, thus ensuring that I would not kill her in the process. But could there be another way? Was biting her the only method of getting my venom into her system? I would definitely need to discuss this with Carlisle in due course.

The rest of the day I besieged Alice, badgering her for information. What time was she going to meet Bella, where were they going to go, what were they going to discuss, would she bring Bella back to the house? Alice had originally been very patient showing me image after image until, finally, Jasper had enough.

_"Edward, back off already. Leave Alice alone."_

It was evident just how irritated he was with me when suddenly I felt a wave of apathy wash over me. I glanced at Jasper and realized this was his doing as I was unable to feel anything except lethargy and indifference. Although I knew that Alice would soon be leaving to meet Bella, and that I should most definitely care, somehow I didn't. Under normal circumstances, that would have bothered me, but at this moment, it didn't. I looked at Jasper and he just shrugged. He was quite amused by my current state of being, but I could not find it in myself to be upset or annoyed.

I thought about playing my piano, but could not be bothered. I wondered if I should go for a run, but decided I would rather sit. I pondered over whether or not I needed to hunt, but decided I would go later. Then I heard Jasper.

_"Alice has done a lot for you over the years. You need to trust her and _stop _annoying her, if that's even possible for you."_

"Very funny," I replied.

_"If it wasn't for Alice's visions when you were at the airport, Bella might have –"_

He stopped before finishing the thought.

_"Come to think of it, who knows what would have happened if you had found Bella at Tanya's house."_

Usually hearing about Tanya caused my icy skin to crawl, but at that moment, nothing seemed to bother me which was quite atypical for me.

As I continued to sit in the living room on the couch, staring at nothing in particular, I heard Jasper again.

_"Wow – I should have done this to you a long time ago. You aren't stressed at all. It's amazing,"_ he chuckled.

"Emmett, you've got to see this," Jasper called out.

"Whoa, check you out, Eddie. What's come over you?"

I knew I should be annoyed with Emmett. I always hated it when he called me 'Eddie' but all I could do was stare at him.

Suddenly Alice appeared before me, glaring at Jasper.

"Jazz, stop that now," Alice said emphatically as she tried to suppress a giggle.

"Oh, come on, Alice. It's been quite an eye-opening experience," Jasper muttered before looking over at me and just like that, the indifference was gone and I instantly became annoyed.

"Hey, Ed," Emmett said as Jasper shook his head 'no' while trying to get Emmett's attention.

"Emmett, my name is Edward," I replied dryly as my brothers had a great laugh at my expense. I didn't appreciate what Jasper had done and I would not forget it. Revenge was sweet and it would be mine.

"Hope you enjoyed yourself, Jasper. Just wait. You'll get yours," I sneered before turning and walking away.

_"Yeah, we'll see,"_ Jasper thought before he and Alice left to go hunt with Emmett and Rosalie.

I knew quite well I had annoyed Alice incessantly, but there was nothing that was going to make any difference in my mood or attitude until I saw Bella again. I knew she would not be asleep yet, but I could not remain at home; I felt ill at ease.

I needed to talk with Carlisle, but he was at the hospital. Esme was in her office, looking over plans because there was still some remodeling she wanted to do on the house. My first thought was that I should have gone to hunt, too, but decided instead to talk with Esme; perhaps she could ease my frustration and help me understand the overwhelming barrage of emotions whirling around me. I usually discussed my concerns with Carlisle, but I thought a woman's perspective would be more beneficial at this time.

"Esme?"

_"Yes, Edward?"_

"Do you have a minute?"

_"For you, always."_

I could almost hear the smile on her face.

_"What can I do for you?"_ Esme inquired, watching me as I entered her office, a curious expression on her face. She knew I typically spoke with Carlisle and although he was at the hospital, oftentimes I would go to his office if I was unable to wait until he returned home.

"I'm anxious about seeing Bella again. I wish I knew what she was thinking; it's quite challenging to be unable to hear what's in her mind – especially what she was thinking after I saved her," I sighed, frustrated.

_"Ah."_ Esme understood as she said, "What do you think she's been able to piece together?"

"I'm not sure. She's interacted with all of us so she has most likely noticed our cold, hard, pale skin and our eye color, and although she did not see how fast I ran to catch her, I'm fairly sure it must have crossed her mind that I got to her rather quickly. Now that she's seen Carlisle again, his appearance unchanged, not to mention that she'll be seeing Alice today – I cannot imagine she would not question it." I knew I was rambling; I did not typically behave in such a fashion, but my nerves had gotten the better of me. "Esme, what if she can't accept what we are?"

"Do you truly believe that, Edward or is this another instance of you worrying yourself to death?" Esme asked before thinking as she snickered, _"If that were even possible. I suppose it's a good thing he isn't human anymore."_

At first I was shocked by what she thought, but I knew she did not really mean anything by it. She was right, though, if I was still human, I most likely would have died from distress, doubt and anguish, all of it self-induced.

"I'm so scared of losing her before I actually get her," I whispered, looking down, almost ashamed of my admission. I was a predator at the very top of the food chain. A vampire. And I was afraid of rejection by a mere mortal girl. If it wasn't so pathetic it would have been humorous.

"Edward, it will work out. Just look at my story – when I first met Carlisle I was younger than Bella is today. It took some time, but here we are and although I did not choose this life, I will never wish for anything different so long as I can be with Carlisle," Esme replied, a smile spreading across her face as her thoughts drifted to her time with my father. I had to remove myself from her mind; I did not want to share those images with the woman who, for all intents and purposes, was my mother.

"Thank you," I said, kissing her cheek and giving her a hug before quickly leaving Esme alone with her thoughts.

When Alice and Jasper finally returned from hunting, she called Bella. In their absence, I had kept myself busy playing piano, writing in my journal and reading, in addition to my short conversation with Esme and a quick hunt. Although I had maintained control even when Bella had injured herself at the pier, I was not going to take any chances with my thirst.

I had remained calm, as calm as possible for me which was not saying much, but it was the best I could do under the circumstances until Jasper helped me relax a bit. I nodded, silently thanking him; however, I suspected he did it more for Alice's sake than mine.

_"You know Alice is right; it will work out,"_ Jasper thought as he momentarily glanced in my direction.

"I only wish I could be as certain as she is," I replied wearily. "I do not know what I will do if it doesn't. I don't know how to live without her anymore."

I knew if it was not for Jasper's talent, I would be feeling dejected. Quite unexpectedly, I saw images of Bella on the telephone pass through Alice's mind as well as the two of them at a restaurant; I could tell it was evening although I was certain Alice had planned to see Bella earlier in the day.

_"I'm going to call her now and see why the time changed."_

I sighed, knowing Alice's phone call to Bella would either be the beginning of what could make me the happiest man in the history of the world or the most agonized, miserable, beleaguered being ever. My entire future was in Bella's hands and she was not even remotely aware of her hold on me.

As Alice dialed Bella's number I took a deep breath, wishing the intake of air would somehow settle me as it did humans, but knowing that it was a meaningless effort; I was much too nervous.

"You weren't planning on canceling, were you?" Alice inquired when Bella picked up on the other end.

_"It's going to be fine; we're back on schedule. I can see it already."_ Alice was smiling.

"Um, no, not canceling. I just didn't sleep well and was going to see if you wanted to go later, but I'm up now so lunch is fine."

I could hear Bella as she yawned and immediately felt as if I had let her down. I had not gone to watch her during the evening so I was unable to determine why she had not experienced a restful night's sleep.

Jasper and Alice both stared at me. Alice rolled her eyes, as well, shaking her head.

"Okay," Alice said excitedly. "Will you be ready in an hour?"

"What? An hour? It will take me longer than that just to drive to wherever you want to meet. What time is it, anyway?"

Bella sounded anxious and I did not know why. She was just seeing Alice, after all. Why would that cause her any distress? I recalled perfectly their interactions and Bella had always seemed very comfortable around Alice, all of us, actually, even though most humans typically shied away from our kind. It was apparent when they said their good-byes that Bella was sad to be leaving Alice.

"It's around ten," Alice replied to Bella. "Do you want me to pick you up?"

Bella was silent for a few moments. Alice allowed me to peer into her mind – she and Bella met somewhere, but suddenly the image changed when I saw that Renee was going to be in Seattle. Apparently, her mother not being home changed Bella's mind, thereby permitting Alice to pick her up. Then Alice blocked me. What else had she seen? I really hated when she did that.

"Alice –"

She just looked at me and tittered quietly.

"Alice, if you still want to pick me up, that's fine." I could hear the change in Bella's tone. At least she sounded more at ease.

"Okay. I'll be there in about forty minutes," Alice replied before waving to both Jasper and me, saying very quietly so that Bella wouldn't hear, "I'm off. See you both later."

Just as Alice left, Emmett and Rosalie returned from their hunting trip. One look at me and they were both aware of how worried I was.

"Did Alice go to meet up with Bella?" Emmett asked. "Is she going to bring her here later?"

"Yeah," Jasper replied. "She just left, but she's not sure if they'll come back here or not."

I saw Rosalie roll her eyes as she thought, _"Why would she bring Bella here? If Edward wants to see her, why didn't he go with them?"_

"I believe she is attempting to ease Bella into meeting with us all, instead of overwhelming her. It has been quite a while since she's really interacted with any of us," I retorted frostily. "If you could, but for a moment, put yourself in Bella's shoes, you might understand Alice's reasoning. And you know that Esme is looking forward to seeing Bella again, as well. What is your problem, Rosalie?"

"_Whatever, Edward, don't get your panties in a bunch. It's all about you these days, isn't it? You and your little human._"

With a huff, Rosalie disappeared into her room upstairs, all the while grumbling under her breath. Emmett followed her with an apologetic look in my direction. Rosalie's mood swings were legendary, and they no longer surprised me.

Ignoring my self-absorbed sister, I allowed myself to think about what life would be like with Bella. For a while, at least, she would need to eat and sleep. There was plenty to do while she slept, though my most favorite activity was watching her.

I knew Esme was looking forward to cooking for Bella, and I realized that preparing meals for her would allow me to demonstrate my devotion to her. The thought of smelling cooked human food was revolting, to say the very least, but I was sure Bella would appreciate the gesture, and it would be nice to spoil her in that way, ensuring that she knew how much she was loved and adored. It would not be difficult to learn how to cook with all the cooking shows on television these days.

I permitted myself to think about marrying Bella while she was human, a part of me pleased to be able to give her that human experience, though the consummation of such a marriage would have to wait until after she was changed. Bella was so delicate, so very fragile. I could do unforgivable damage to her if I lost control and hugged her too tightly. Uninvited and without permission, thoughts began to flit through my mind and knew I needed to think of other things – the images were not ones I should be having of a woman who was not yet my wife.

Alice would not tell me what she had planned, and Bella just thought they were having lunch. Where would Alice take her? Shopping? The pier? Highly unlikely. Or was it? I wanted to find them and watch from the sidelines, but Alice had been very adamant that I should remain home.

I was restless. I had to do something. I could no longer sit around and wait. I was not sure if Alice would bring Bella back to the house, or even if Alice offered, would Bella accept the invitation? And if they did not come here, how would I approach her? I really needed to see her – today.

I decided that I should go for a drive, perhaps listen to some music which always seemed to help me relax. I left without saying a word to anyone, tossing the keys of the Volvo high in the air before catching them again. That was an unusual action for me, but I chalked it up to simply being excited to see Bella again.

As I opened the door of the Volvo, I found myself grinning. I had enjoyed my Saab, but when I had decided to get a new car, I looked at many models and was extremely pleased to find the Volvo S60R. I had never imagined myself driving a Volvo, but this car was exquisite, with phenomenal steering control. It was a sports sedan equipped for high performance, especially after Rosalie tinkered with it.

After passing through both of the gates that privatized the road leading onto our property, I accelerated out of town while images of Bella and I together walking hand in hand filled my mind, the warmth of her satiny smooth skin seeping into my icy cold hand. Would she be able to tolerate touching my chilled hard skin? Feelings of uncertainty ebbed through me and suddenly the CD I'd been playing no longer seemed to ease my consternation. All my worries and concern over my self-control could be for naught if Bella did not want me to touch her.

I shook my head in disbelief. It seemed that no sooner had I made peace with one issue than another arose. Suddenly, I realized how far I had driven and concern about not being at the house, if Alice brought Bella to see everyone, caused me to immediately turn around. I did not want Bella to believe that I was not interested in seeing her; thus, I sped back home at well above the legal limit as the road flew away beneath my tires.

It was not long after I reached the house that I heard Alice.

_"Edward, we're almost there and I know she's excited to see you. I'm glad you decided to return home, for a moment I thought you'd bailed."_

I had not consciously considered not being at the house when they arrived, but perhaps my nerves had caused me to flee. Fortunately, my good sense had returned and I would see Bella shortly. I could only hope that she would be pleased to see me.

As I listened to Alice and Bella's conversation, it seemed that Bella was a bit apprehensive, but there was not enough time to work myself up over what seemed to concern Bella as I heard Alice explain that they would be entering from the front instead of going through the garage. I had no idea why that small fact was important to share with Bella, but there were many times that I just had no idea why Alice said the things she did. Just because I could _hear_ her did not mean that I _understood_ her.

Alice opened the door and I immediately went into the den – I did not want to be the first member of the family that Bella saw nor did I want to make a grand entrance from the staircase. Jasper had just come into the house through the side entrance which would cause him to enter the living room through the kitchen, and Carlisle and Esme were upstairs. I knew where Emmett and Rose were and unsuccessfully tried to block those pictures from my head.

I listened as Alice pulled Bella down the hallway into the living room; as Bella walked past the den, her scent mixed with the fresh air hit me hard, but nothing compared to our first meeting in the airport. I closed my eyes, actually allowing myself to enjoy it, while the aroma lingered, but not once did the venom come. I could see Bella through Alice's mind as she looked around the house in awe of Esme's interior decorating abilities.

"Alice, this is amazing."

I had been so wrapped up watching Bella and enjoying her exquisite scent that I had not paid attention to anything or anyone else, but Carlisle pulled me out of my reverie.

_"Edward, I'm proud of you for having the courage to pursue your relationship with Bella. Everything is going to be fine. I have faith; I hope you do as well."_

Then he spoke to Bella, although she had not seen him yet.

"Well, thank you, Bella."

Carlisle appeared, standing at the foot of the staircase and, as Bella spun around to face him, I could see the familiar expression on her face that so many girls and women alike had after seeing Carlisle. I knew he was good-looking in his own right, but for some reason I became annoyed.

_You're jealous._

That was absolutely the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard; I was not jealous of my father figure. The entire concept was completely preposterous. I shook my head to clear the idiotic idea from my mind as Carlisle continued speaking to Bella.

"Esme's the interior designer of the family."

He turned to look at the top of the staircase where Esme stood as she elegantly made her way down the stairs and took her place next to Carlisle; she was extremely happy to see Bella.

_"I'm so glad she's finally here. I've missed her and I know how much this means to Edward."_

As I thought over the day Bella had said 'good-bye' to each member of my family before she had been returned to her parents, I recalled how Bella had affected each and every one of us, although her effect on Rosalie remained to be seen. Rose had, over the years, softened a bit, if only because she thought that Bella meant to me the same as what Emmett meant to her; I, however, believed what I felt for Bella was so much more. She was, after all, my singer, and if I had been able to overcome the desire for her blood, I knew our love would be infinitely stronger.

_"They'll never need _my _help to keep the home fires burning,"_ Jasper thought as he glanced over at Carlisle and Esme who were looking at each other, their eyes full of admiration.

I grinned to myself, knowing no truer statement had ever been uttered. Carlisle and Esme were made for each other which brought me back to the comments my family had made over the years concerning me and Bella and how they believed that we were meant to be together. Even Carlisle believed that Bella and I were made for each other. If that were true, it would have been much more considerate of the Fates if we had been born closer in time to one another. Why was I forced to wait so long for her?

I suppose in retrospect, it was fortunate that we had not met when I was human because once I was changed, Carlisle would never have permitted me to see her; as a newborn vampire, I most surely would have killed her, especially if she was my singer. Then it dawned on me – perhaps the Fates had done me a favor after all. As difficult as it had been the first day I met Bella, as much control was required to keep me from harming her, had it not been for the many years of only surviving on animal blood, I was certain she would not have left the airport alive. Thankful that I had remained in control, remembering that she was in our home, waiting for me, caused my silent heart to ache to hold her in my arms.

_"Oh, look, Edward. She's embarrassed to have witnessed 'the look' between Carlisle and Esme,"_ Alice thought as I heard my siblings chuckling when they realized that Bella, too, must have observed the silent exchange between our parents. As I watched from Alice's vantage point, I could see that Bella was blushing and I wondered what specifically had caused such a reaction.

_"I think you should go to her now." _Alice was always trying to manipulate situations, but before I could take a step, Jasper finally decided to make his entrance, walking over to Alice. When he approached her, he put his arm around Alice's waist, looking at her, his eyes full of love.

_"Bella's feeling a bit anxious, although she was fine a moment ago. Perhaps she's concerned because she hasn't seen you yet, Edward."_

I hesitated for a moment, but my brother's mental voice became insistent.

_"You need to come here now. I don't know what's upset Bella, but if she sees you, I'm sure she'll calm down. I'm doing what I can, but she's getting worse."_

I was not so certain that my appearance would do any good. In fact, I was more worried that seeing me would only cause Bella more anxiety so I stayed in the den, behaving like a coward. Jasper finally spoke.

"Hello again, Bella."

"Hi, Jasper. It's nice to see you again." Bella's smile was glorious, at least what I could see from Alice and Jasper's perspectives. I longed to be near her, to touch her, but I was still uncertain, anxious, afraid.

"Bella!"

Emmett was grinning from ear to ear as he went over, lifted her up off the floor and gave her a hug. He appeared scary to most humans due to his large stature, but he never seemed to frighten her; it always struck me how Bella just seemed to fit into my family with little or no effort on her part. Although I was sure Bella did not notice, I saw Emmett looking around the room.

_"Eddie, where are you hiding? I know you're here. How come you're not out here with your girl?"_

"It's good to see you, too, Emmett, but can you put me down? It's a little hard to breathe." Bella was smiling, but she did seem a little gray. I was about to run into the room and extricate her from my brother's overzealous grasp when he set her down on his own.

"Oops – sorry about that. Sometimes I forget my own strength," Emmett said, looking over at Carlisle for reassurance.

_"Damn, I know you're watching somewhere. Don't get all upset now; she's fine. I'm sure I didn't hurt her."_

I knew Bella was alright because Carlisle would have made a move to assist her if it had been necessary. I shook my head.

"I'm fine," Bella replied as she patted Em's arm, laughing. Then she paused and pulled her hand away, trying to look inconspicuous. I watched Alice who was suddenly thinking that Bella had some idea that we were more than human, something I was not quite ready for.

_"Edward, I can't tell exactly what she sees, but Bella definitely knows something is different about us. Let's say she has all the pieces laid out and she's trying to fit them together, but she's unable to create the picture she's trying to imagine."_

A few moments later, Esme suggested that everyone take a seat in the living room; that was when I knew it was time to join the rest of my family. As I entered the room I heard Bella's breath hitch and I felt the all too familiar electrical sensations course through my body, the feeling that only ever ran through my frozen form when in Bella's presence. While I was busy filling myself with her aroma, I heard my precious girl inhale deeply, as my siblings began giggling and chuckling like school children. I was appalled that they would embarrass her in such a fashion as a glorious blush came over her face.

_"Apparently _you _smell good to _her_, too," _Emmett thought, grinning from ear to ear. The thoughts that ran through his head about teasing Bella were totally uncalled for and the last thing she needed.

"I would highly suggest you not do that, Emmett," I said quietly so Bella would not hear me as I glared at my brother. Most of the time he ignored my angry stares, but after a moment, he changed his mind and continued chuckling to himself.

_"I can only imagine what he's laughing at,"_ Rosalie thought of Emmett. _"Obviously, it has to do with Bella from the way Edward reacted. Must we really go through with this charade?"_

Rosalie very rarely hid her thoughts from me – she did not care whether her opinion bothered me or not. And her dislike of Bella could not be more obvious.

"Could you at least try to be civil?" I asked her quietly, not wanting Bella to overhear our conversation.

I was not a bit surprised when Rose silently responded to me by rolling her eyes. I should have known better than to hope that my vain and self-centered sister could do anything for anyone when there was nothing for her to gain, as I momentarily glowered at her before turning my attention back to Bella.

I was standing right behind Bella, but apparently I had moved too quickly and quietly for her to notice and when she realized I was so close, she attempted to turn to see me, but ended up falling into me instead. I quickly reached out for her, placing my hands around her waist in an attempt to steady her. Bella shyly looked up at me and I was once again in awe of her beauty. She was absolutely stunning, and I could not keep a smile from framing my face. The moment ended much too soon as I heard Jasper.

_"I'm not sure what just happened, but the joy she felt only a moment ago has been replaced by doubt, concern. I wish I could tell you why, but I haven't a clue."_

Bella sighed and shook her head as she gazed back in my direction. I attempted to smile, but it was useless. What had caused Bella's mood to change so suddenly? What had I done? Did she regret coming to see everyone or was she just disappointed to see me? Everything that I wanted, needed to survive was wrapped up in this one seemingly insignificant human, but to me she was the world and I could not live without her, yet I was unable to keep her happy even for a moment. I was certain whatever had caused the shift in her mood had to do with me so I decided to leave when I heard Alice.

_"Edward, what have you done? The day was progressing nicely, but once you leave everything gets messed up. Can't you keep yourself together for just a few minutes? She's human – her emotions fluctuate worse than yours – but that doesn't mean she doesn't want to be here with us, with you."_

"Alright," I said softly to Alice. "I'll stay, but if she gets more upset or agitated, I'm leaving. I can't stand to see her unhappy, especially if I'm the one causing the problem."

Bella had turned her face away from me as she stared at the floor when Alice appeared abruptly at her side, putting her arm around Bella, pulling her close as she scowled at me.

_"Only you could somehow mess up a sure thing," _Alice thought angrily before turning back toward Bella.

"Come on, Bella. Let's have a seat," Alice said hastily.

She directed Bella to sit next to her on the sofa while the rest of my family found their seats. I sat down, too, as everyone became engaged in a seemingly normal conversation concerning what Bella had been doing over the years. I did not ask any questions, certain that in my anxious state I would somehow say something to alert Bella to the fact that I had been watching her like a crazed stalker all these years.

_You are no good for her._

I was only too aware of my shortcomings and returned to my doubts about Alice's vision. Would Bella be happier if I stayed out of her life and she remained human? Alice had said 'no', quite adamantly so, but maybe she was wrong. I could not give Bella a family, in fact I would be taking her away from the only family she had known, as well as her friends. I looked over at Alice who was frowning at me.

_"Stop. I don't want her to leave, but you're causing all my visions to blur together. Ugh. You can be so annoying at times."_

Suddenly Bella's stomached grumbled, and I grinned while Alice giggled and Emmett laughed. Bella looked around as she realized what we had heard.

Alice was just about to speak, but I heard her thoughts first.

_"You need to spend time with Bella without the rest of us around. I've seen it and I know how it's supposed to happen."_ I saw the images in her mind as she spoke.

"Edward, there's a fabulous Italian restaurant back in Port Angeles. Why don't you take Bella there for an early dinner? We somehow managed to skip lunch and I'm sure she's famished. I've got a few things I need to take care of with Jasper. Would you mind taking her home, as well?"

Bella had a horrified look on her face. What was Alice thinking? How could she not have anticipated Bella rejecting me in front of the entire family?

_"Edward, what is going on with the two of you? The angst I'm feeling is almost overwhelming. You both need to relax."_

"Alice, Bella may prefer to spend her time with you," I muttered.

_"No, definitely not, Edward. I can see you together, look."_

I closed my eyes for an instant to see what Alice saw. I inhaled Bella's scent and knew that she was right. I needed to do this. It was time.

"Bella would love to have dinner with you," Alice replied pleasantly.

As I glanced back toward Bella, I saw her glorious smile and watched as a faint rosy color covered her cheeks. Our eyes met and she shyly looked down. I needed to make sure she knew that I wanted to be with her, only her, always. Forever.

"It would be my pleasure, if it's alright with you," I said. I could not stop myself from peering over at her lovingly as I awaited her response. She seemed to be thinking about the offer and I could not help feeling anxious when I finally heard her answer.

"Yes, that would be fine." She nodded her head in assent.

Every member of my family was glowing, well – everyone except Rosalie.

_"Edward, I'm not happy about you eventually turning her into one of us and I'm sorry about that; but even I can see that you belong together. Even a blind human would be able to see the energy surrounding you two. I wish there was a way for her to join the family without it becoming necessary to change her. I will try to behave, I promise."_

"Thank you," I said softly as I glanced in Rose's direction. There were not many times over all our years together that we actually understood each other, or even tried, but I truly appreciated the attempt she made at that moment.

_"Oh, I can't believe the time has finally come," _Esme thought as she glanced over at me, radiating happiness. _"Edward has waited so long. Bella is precisely what he needs, I'm certain of it." _

She started thinking of all the years Carlisle had walked the earth alone and although I had not existed nearly as long as he, I still understood the pain of loneliness. The joy I saw in her eyes as she gazed lovingly at Carlisle's face gave me hope that one day perhaps I would see the same gleam in Bella eyes when she looked at me.

_"Go, son. This is what you've been waiting for. I have the utmost confidence in you and Bella. You _will _find a way to make your relationship work. There may be challenges ahead, but never forget that you are destined to be together." _

Carlisle seemed so proud, although I was not sure why. I had not done anything yet and Bella still did not know exactly what we were. I had no idea what her reaction would be and although I was anxious I knew he was right. This was the opportunity I had waited for over the course of the past eight long years.

After everyone said 'goodbye' to Bella, I escorted her to the Vanquish, opening the door for her and waited to make sure she was seated comfortably before closing the door and walking around to the driver's side. I typically only used the Vanquish on special occasions, but taking Bella on our first date, even if it had been contrived by Alice, definitely fell under that category.

I noticed Bella staring at my car. I was sure she had no idea what kind of car it was, and especially how much it cost. Perhaps one day I would tell her, but not today.

As I opened my door and I slid into my seat, I realized Bella was watching me with rapt attention. It reminded me of the way I so often admired her stunning beauty and the man inside me wondered if she found me half as attractive as I found her.

_A man? You're a monster._

I refused to acknowledge my dark side. Right now, I was a man on his first date with the woman he loved and I had never been happier.

"Edward," Bella whispered, bringing me back to my senses. "Thank you for agreeing to take me to dinner. It's very kind of you. I'm sorry that Alice put you on the spot."

She peered down at her hands which were folded in her lap before gazing at me, her eyes burning right through my defenses.

"It's my pleasure. I hope you didn't feel pressured into coming. Alice can be very persuasive at times," I replied before my face broke into a huge grin as I chuckled to myself. Although Jasper was the one who could manipulate emotions, Alice was a force to be reckoned with when she made up her mind and she was doing everything in her power to ensure that Bella and I would be together.

"It's fine, really," Bella said, smiling at me.

I heard her heart beating much faster that her normal, typical rhythm. Was she alright? What had her so anxious? I recalled the last few minutes of our casual banter when I realized her scent was much stronger, but it was not her blood that was calling to me. It was something else, some aroma I did not recognize, as well as a sensation that I had never experienced before. Ever.

Suddenly I realized what I felt.

Desire_._

My body recognized my mate, and the hunger to claim her as mine pushed its way to the surface, without my permission, without my consent.

What was the matter with me? I was a gentleman, not a scoundrel. I was embarrassed and downright horrified at myself. I tried to hold my breath for the rest of the ride to Port Angeles, but Bella made that impossible as she began to carry on a conversation. I was, of course, required to respond, and soon I ran out of air as I was forced to take another breath. The intoxicating smells emanating from her began to overpower me once again. I tried to refocus my attention by asking her questions about school, college, anything to keep my mind away from the mortifying thoughts that wanted to consume me. Every once in a while Bella would ask me a question, but I was able to redirect the attention back on her and soon we were at La Bella Italia.

I desperately needed fresh air so I disembarked from the Vanquish more quickly than I should have and was at Bella's door before she even had the opportunity to unfasten her seatbelt. I was certain she had noticed the speed at which I had moved, but for once it did not worry me, as I pulled open her door. I extended my hand to assist her in exiting the car when I felt an overwhelming power surge through me the moment our fingers brushed against each other. The energy that seemed to surround us was almost explosive and I was fairly certain that she felt it, too, as I watched her expression change to one of surprise. The sensation was almost too much for me to bear and I did not want to overwhelm her so I quickly removed my hand from Bella's, once I knew she was on stable ground.

Bella suddenly looked upset and deep in thought. Had I caused her pain? I frowned, concerned that she would now want to leave before even beginning her evening with me. I was about to suggest that I take her home when she took a step forward. Whether Bella truly wanted to return home or proceed with our 'date' so as not to hurt my feelings, I was uncertain, but I would follow her to the ends of the earth and back, so I walked with her inside the restaurant as I was nearly overcome by a barrage of thoughts from those around us.

_"I hope this nice, expensive dinner pays off tonight. Maybe I'll get lucky."_

_"I've got so much work to do. I need to get back to the office. Where's the waitress?"_

_"This night couldn't get any better. Wait until she finds out I got a promotion. Now she'll finally agree to marry me."_

It seemed most of the men were thinking of either some possible sexual encounters or their jobs. Of course, the women were not much better.

_"I wonder why he invited me out tonight. He's never brought me to such a nice restaurant before. I can't imagine what he wants."_

_"If he tries to tell me that he's got to get back to the office, I'm going to kill him. He's always working these days – I wonder if he's having an affair."_

_"I hope he doesn't decide to propose again. He's a nice guy, but I don't really love him. He's just fun to be around." _

As we approached the podium where the hostess stood, waiting to greet us, her thoughts screamed at me, interrupting the quieter minds of those around us.

_"Oh. My. Word! Look at that beautiful creature. What planet did he come from? I wonder if he'd take me with him. I would so rock his world. I'd make certain he never forgot me. Hmm, I wonder if it's just the two of them or if they're waiting for a larger party. He certainly can't be here with her so they must be waiting. I wonder how many are in their group. Do we have any open tables?"_

The foolish girl looked at Bella with disgust which was ironic since the hostess herself was dressed less than respectably. She was small-minded and her human eyes were not able to see things clearly. If she had the crisp vision of an immortal, she would have recognized Bella's natural beauty and perfection, glaring for all to see like the noon-day sun. Then this narrow-minded, petty girl would have wished she could be just like my Beloved. But of course, that was impossible because no other creature alive could compare to my treasured darling.

I did not wish to engage in any conversation with the girl as she stood leering at me, inspecting me like a piece of meat so I held up two fingers, giving her a hypnotic smile and hoped she would understand that Bella and I were, indeed, together and that we only needed a table for two.

_"Huh? Is he actually _with _her? No way. Why would he play with a school girl when he could have a real woman? He is unbelievable – like sex on legs."_

As the hostess escorted us to a table, I refocused my attention back on Bella and, after we were seated, she let out a sigh while looking at the cuisine choices. I placed my menu down on the table before asking her, "What's wrong?" I was concerned, noting the sadness that seemed written all over her face.

"It's nothing," she replied, looking almost embarrassed although I had no idea why, as I noticed the rosy undertones on her cheeks. I was most curious to know what she was thinking, frustrated that I could hear all those around me and yet her mind was silent.

"Bella, please tell me what's on your mind." I was almost desperate to know her thoughts.

"Really, it's nothing," Bella said adamantly.

What was she hiding from me?

"Please let me know what's in that pretty little head of yours. I'm usually quite good at reading people, but you are very difficult to figure out."

I was almost begging for her to let me see inside her head and I could not keep from feeling a bit annoyed that she continued to deny me.

"That's surprising. My mother says I'm an 'open book'. She always seems to know when I try to lie to her or hide something from her because she says it's written all over my face."

"Well, maybe it's because your mother knows you so well. Unfortunately for me, I don't know you well enough, at least not _yet_. Perhaps one day I will be able to figure you out."

I knew her better than she realized, yet there were so many things I did not understand, but I was certain that over time I would better be able to detect the subtle differences in her expressions and behaviors. As I pondered the upcoming years and how we might spend them together, I felt myself relax a bit as a smile came over my face.

Bella seemed lost in her thoughts when she abruptly said as she chuckled, "You _really_ didn't notice how you dazzled the hostess? She was left speechless by you."

What was Bella talking about? The hostess may have been closed-mouthed, but she was far from speechless. Although, she was partially right. The hostess was only semi-coherent as she described her incorrect assessment of me to the girl who would be our server for the evening.

"Dazzle?"

"Evidently she was struck by your, um, good looks," Bella mumbled, her cheeks glowing with a slight pink hue.

"Do _you_ think I'm good-looking?" I had wondered about that in the car and was unable to stop myself as I asked, "Do I dazzle _you_?"

Of course, I hoped she would say 'yes', but suddenly her face became extremely pale, the color draining from it and her skin appeared to become almost translucent when she unexpectedly wrapped her arms around her chest. Was she in pain? Her heart rate quickened and I could almost smell fear. What had just happened? Our conversation had been relaxed, almost easy. Had I said something or was she remembering – my mind returned to Alice's vision of Bella after both Chris and Carolyn had left her. I was certain that was what had suddenly consumed her mind, but why? Could she possibly think that I would leave her, too?

_You've already left her three times._

It was true that I had left Bella to save her life at the airport and I had left the night she fell at the pier, but that was it. I had not left her at another time, not really. The other time we parted ways was when we returned her to her family. How could she imagine that I would have left her if I'd had a choice? I would never leave her again, of that I was certain.

_What if leaving her would be in her best interest?_

It no longer mattered because I could not live without her unless she ordered me away; however, what I urgently needed to discover was what exactly had caused her discomfort.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

"Nothing really. I was just thinking of someone I once knew."

I could tell from her eyes that she was fighting back the tears.

"Is there anything I can do?"

I wanted to take away her sadness, but had no idea how, when I found myself reaching for her, touching her arm. The raw emotions that were awakened in me were similar to what I had undergone earlier when I had assisted her out of the car, but now the sensations were focused in my fingertips. Did she feel the sparks? Had the current passed through my skin, into hers? I did not want to cause her injury, yet I was unable to pull my hand away. Her heart rate settled a bit, but I was unsure if there would be any long-lasting effects on her system, if she had in fact experienced anything at all. Although it pained me to do so, after a moment I removed my hand.

As I looked at Bella's face, she seemed to be staring right through me and I felt at least half of my mouth turn up into a smile while she unfolded her arms from around her chest. I had hoped that she had felt the same longings, but wanted confirmation. Apparently she had the same thought for at that exact moment we both said to the other, "Did you feel that?"

Of all the reactions I had expected from her, laughing was not among them. I looked at her, wondering if the tangible feelings that coursed through me had harmed her mind in some fashion. I could not understand what was funny, but as I watched Bella it was impossible for me not join her and I found myself chuckling.

"Well, I guess that answers the question."

"Yes, it certainly does," Bella replied as I gazed at her exquisite face, not realizing that the server had arrived.

"Hi, I'm Vicky and I'll be assisting you this evening. What can I get for you?" she asked as her thoughts screamed at me in a most unsavory fashion.

_"Damn, she wasn't kidding. Oh. My. Goodness. He is totally hot and his hair – wow! I know how I'd like to assist him – ugh, I shouldn't think of those things while I'm trying to work. Okay, breathe...I wonder what he's doing here with _her. _Maybe she's a relative of some sort. Oh, look at his hands ... such long fingers ...wonder how they would feel..." _

Her mind was filled with utterly reprehensible images which absolutely disgusted me. And the way she thought of my beautiful Bella was unforgivable. I felt my anger begin to boil, but was able to put it to rest as I gazed into Bella's magnificent brown eyes. Unfortunately, our server's vapid thoughts continued, unabated.

_"No way – he couldn't be with her ... impossible ... but the way he's looking at her... How did she catch a guy like him? Oh, she's probably easy. He'll get tired of her soon enough. I wonder if I can somehow get his phone number or maybe I'll give him mine." _

Repulsed by the revolting mind of the girl, I did my best to return my attention to Bella. Just watching her and knowing she was with me helped to assuage the remaining repugnant thoughts being thrown at me by the server. Bella did not seem ready to make a dinner selection and I realized that she most likely had not taken the opportunity to review the menu. I was about to request that the server give us another minute when Bella answered.

"The vegetable lasagna and a coke would be fine. Thanks."

"Nothing for me," I said, not taking my eyes off of Bella as she looked at me questioningly.

As I took a moment to admire Bella's natural beauty, I became concerned that she would be angry with me for bringing her to a restaurant even though I had no intention of actually consuming any food. I nearly gave in and ordered something just to ease her discomfort; however, if she was ever going to learn what I was I needed to start dropping a few hints so she could attempt to put the pieces together.

"Special diet," I said in answer to Bella's silent question.

When her food arrived I could sense that she seemed uncomfortable eating while I watched. Bella had cut her lasagna into small pieces, pushing them around her plate. It was as if she was mimicking what my actions would have been had I ordered food. Whenever my family was forced to partake of human food, it was customary for us to cut the food into tiny tidbits while moving the pieces around our plates making it appear that we were eating. It was also easier to hide small pieces of food in our napkins. When it was absolutely necessary, it was less unsavory to swallow smaller morsels of the horribly disgusting human food which we would need to bring back up a later time. It was far from pleasant and I preferred not to 'eat' if there was any way to possibly avoid it, but Bella, on the other hand, needed nourishment and she had been hungry earlier at the house so I was certain she was famished by this point.

"Bella, please eat your dinner. Don't be self-conscious just because I'm not eating. Please?"

My simple request had been enough to get Bella to consume her food and I began to relax a bit.

We talked as Bella ate although our conversation only served to prolong the time it took for her to get the proper amount of nutrition. Every so often it seemed Bella wanted to ask a question of me, but she would just continue eating instead of saying what was on her mind and it was driving me crazy.

I knew our server was on her way back to the table when I heard her.

_"I can't get over this guy. I don't think I've ever seen anyone look as sexy as he is. I still don't understand what he's doing with that girl even if she does put out. I'm sure he could have anyone he wanted. He is drop dead gorgeous. I'd die to be with someone like him."_

She was right about one thing – to be _with_ me she would have to die first. I shuddered at the thought – her mind was completely revolting and her behavior and her manner of dress indicated that she was no better than a harlot. I felt my temper as it began to flare, but I forced myself to settle down. I would do my best to ignore the impertinent human. She was lucky Bella was with me or I would have told her just how unattractive to me she was.

She was at the table, her body angled toward mine, but I did not look up from Bella's face as the server spoke.

"Would you like anything else?"

Bella shook her head 'no'.

"Just the check, please," I replied, trying hard to keep my voice calm. When she did not respond I forced myself to look up at her as I waited while trying my best to block out her thoughts.

_"When he looks at the bill he'll see my note and phone number. I wonder if he'll call me – I hope so. The things I could do with him and for him. I'm sure I could please him so much better than she does." _

"Oh, okay," she stuttered as she handed me the rectangular black leather folder.

I was anxious to be alone with Bella and, as I knew the precise amount of the bill, the currency was already in my hand. Placing it in the folder, I handed it back to the girl without even an upward glance.

"No change," I said as I smiled at Bella before standing up. Bella seemed to get up a bit too quickly so I reached out to steady her.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, thanks," Bella replied as she looked down and blushed. She seemed to do that a lot. I understood from a physiological standpoint why humans blushed, but one day I would learn precisely what Bella thought which caused her to become flushed so often.

As we walked out of the restaurant, I heard how disappointed our server had been that I had not even opened the sheath containing check thereby preventing me from obtaining her phone number. I couldn't help but feel a bit smug so I wrapped my arm around Bella, not even giving the server a second look.

As I helped Bella get into the car I was uncertain if she was ready to go home or if we would be able to spend more time together.

"Are you ready to head home?"

Nothing was ever clear to me when it came to deciphering the clues to Bella's thoughts. My question had been straight forward, unless she wanted to me to take her home, but she did not want to hurt my feelings. She was quiet for a few moments before answering me.

"If you're ready to go."

Now what in the world was that supposed to mean? Well, if she was not going to be forthcoming, then I would do what I wanted and that would _not_ be taking her home. As much as I loved this girl, she frustrated me all the same.

"Well, if you have time, we could go to the pier," I said, hoping she would not change her mind.

"Okay," I said. "I've always enjoyed the breeze and the peace I feel at the pier this time of the day."

We drove in silence for the short drive as I purposely parked the car in the same spot Bella's truck had been the last time she was here. As we walked, I kept my hand on the small of her back. Bella did not seem to mind. After all, she was a bit clumsy and I had touched her before in an attempt to prevent her from falling, but we had not yet walked together holding hands. And although I had just a few moments ago had my arm around her shoulder, she probably thought that I was only ensuring that she did not fall again. There was no apparent reason for me to touch her now, so I felt awkward just reaching for her hand.

I did not want a repeat of the last time she was at the pier so without thinking I said, "Please be careful. Some of the boards are loose."

"Yes, I'm aware of that," she replied, sounding a tad annoyed. I had not meant anything by my words, just a friendly reminder that she should be careful as scenes from her last visit ran through my mind.

"Edward?"

"Yes, Bella."

"You know very well that I tripped, cut my hand and arm and fell over the edge of the pier because you caught me before setting me down on the sand."

Why did she remind me of the injuries she sustained? I had seen them, smelled them and still felt guilty for not taking her to the hospital.

"I know what happened." I was certain my voice sounded more curt than I had anticipated, but what was she thinking?

_You're no good for her._

I had to ignore the vitriolic voice invading my sanity. I could not allow the caustic taunting to bring me down when I was _finally _with Bella again. I was able to push through the anxiety that had begun to course through me when I heard Bella's soothing voice.

"Did you know I was at the pier that night or did I just get lucky ... again?"

As I leaned over the rickety pier railing, I took a fleeting moment to ponder my answer. I wanted to tell her everything, but I was afraid of what would happen.

"Bella, what do you want me to say?" I was beyond frustrated.

"I just want to know ... the truth."

The truth? She had no idea what she was asking.

_She'll run away, screaming._

"Why does it matter? I prevented you from falling into the water and now you're fine. Does it really make a difference how it all happened?" I was certain she could hear the disdain I felt for myself seeping out through my voice.

"What's really going on? I wasn't allowed to tell my parents about how you helped me return home and now you won't be honest with me even though you saved me yet again."

This time it was I who was brought up short by the aggravated tenor of Bella's voice and all I could do was sigh and shake my head. I wanted to tell her everything, but fear consumed me. As I looked up into Bella's eyes, I hoped that seeing her beauty would calm me as I reached for her hands and immediately felt the peace I had been searching for. I would never forget the feelings that coursed through me and I would never forget the sensations that had been awakened within me as I held her tiny, satiny smooth hands in mine. Bella truly was my other half, my mate. Alice and Carlisle had been right – Bella was made for me; she completed me.

"Bella?"

Suddenly I realized that Bella felt it, too. She may not have known the extent of what the experience meant, how could she? But even her human body understood that we were meant to be together, that we were but two halves of the whole. There was no doubt in my mind, as she looked at me, her glorious chocolate orbs gazing longingly into my eyes.

"I feel it as well," I whispered to her quietly as I continued to look upon her, my eyes full of wonderment.

I was feeling overwhelmed so it did not surprise me when Bella's knees began to buckle underneath her, but this time she would not fall. I was here to save her.

"Careful there," I said as I removed my hands from hers, gently placing my hands on her waist, carefully pulling her closer to me as Bella leaned into my cold, hard chest.

She was quiet for a moment before I heard her inhale. Was she smelling me? Emmett had suggested she had done so earlier in the day at the house. I was not offended in the least, after all, her scent was intoxicating to me, but I had to know what was in her head.

"Bella, what are you thinking?"

To my surprise, she threw my words back at me when she answered my question with a question.

"What do you want me to say, Edward?"

I suppose I deserved that response; she deserved to have her questions answered and all I had done was avoid them as I was still afraid of her initial reaction, even if she was not going to leave. I did not want the truth to cause her pain.

"Bella, there is so much I want to say, to share with you, but I don't think I can." I continued to look deep into her eyes, watching for any sign that she would pull away. What I did not expect was her response. When would I be able to figure her out?

"Edward, it's okay. I understand. You're older than me, you have ... someone; you have been very kind to me, but I get it. Don't worry, I'm fine," she said as she pushed back. I allowed my hands to fall away as she turned and started walking toward my car.

I stared at her incredulously. What had happened? What had I done? How had she come to the conclusion that I had someone else when I was with her, holding her, loving her? I was not being _kind_ – I was _in love_. Then I heard her again.

"Would you please call Alice? Perhaps she could take me home."

"No, Bella, you don't understand," I replied, panic in my voice. I had to make her understand and quickly. "Please don't walk away from me, don't leave." I felt the pain surround me and I wished that Jasper was nearby. The anguish was overwhelming, but I had to continue, at least until she knew the truth of my feelings for her.

I reached out for her, placing a hand on her shoulder, being careful not to exert too great a force on her, but just enough to make her realize that I did not want her to walk away from me. Once she stopped, I removed my hand, not wanting to continue to touch her as my agitation had caused me to lose some control, not allowing me to focus. I refused to accidentally place too much pressure on her soft, delicate, fragile skin; however, no sooner had I taken my hand away from her shoulder did she gasp, tumbling forward.

Quickly I reached for her, preventing her from landing on the ground. She would not be in this predicament had I not requested that she accompany me to this place that, for some reason, seemed to invoke negative emotions and memories in her. Why could I never do anything right by Bella? No matter what I did, I seemed to cause her pain. As I looked down at her, she glanced up at me before trying to step back, but this time I would not let her go.

"Bella, I want to explain, I truly do, but –" I paused when I heard my phone as I quietly said, "Alice."

I retrieved my phone as Bella patiently waited for me to read the text message from my sister.

From A: _Calm down. She's not going anywhere, but you have neglected to recall all her negative experiences. Bella has been through a lot over the years with Chris and Carolyn and her most recent __fight with her friend, Jacob. Be patient with her and move slowly._

As I closed my phone Bella gasped for air. She must have been holding her breath, waiting for me to read the message. What was she thinking? It was only Alice. I couldn't help chuckling to myself.

"Breathe?"

Bella blushed as her cheeks glowed a pristine rose color. She was perfect in every way.

"Is everything okay?" she asked.

"Yes, Alice just reminded me of something. No big deal," I replied, shaking my head, grinning.

"If you need to leave, we can go." This dear human girl would be the death of me. Why did she sound so sad and why would she suddenly think we needed to leave? However, if she was ready for the evening to be concluded, I would not force her to remain.

"No, I'm not in any rush. What time do you need to get home?"

"My dad won't be home until after seven pm. I left him a note saying I probably wouldn't be home until around ten pm.; however, you can take me back whenever you need to – I don't want to interfere with any plans you may have."

Bella was speaking quickly as if she were anxious. I had hoped that she would want to stay with me, but as she was so unselfish, she was giving me the opportunity to take her home if I wished. While I appreciated her gesture, there was no way I was taking her back to Forks until she instructed me to do so.

"The only plans I have this evening are to talk with you for as long as you're willing and able," I replied smiling. "Shall we sit?" I pointed to an empty bench on the pier and Bella nodded.

She was quiet for a few moments before addressing me.

"Edward, tell me about her?"

What was she thinking? _Her_ – who was she referring to? Did Bella honestly believe there was someone else? She had alluded to such a belief earlier, but I was sure I had alleviated her concerns. Had she not believed me? Did she think that I lied? The only _her _in my life was Bella. She had left me utterly speechless, reduced to a sputtered "W...what?"

"You must have met someone after all this time. What is she like?" Bella swallowed loudly as she turned to watch the water.

I shook my head in disbelief. "Why would you ask such a question?"

Bella seemed to be getting more nervous. As each second ticked by, her heartbeat quickened and her breathing picked up, although only slightly. What would she think when she learned that she fell in love with an eighty-six year old virginal vampire? I pondered the absurdity of the situation as Bella asked another preposterous question.

"Will she mind that you're spending time with me?"

_She doesn't believe you. She knows you're hiding something._

I closed my eyes for a fraction of a second. One way or another I had to make Bella understand that the only woman in my life was her. It had always been her. There would never be anyone else. I had not thought that we would get to this point so quickly, certainly not on our first date, but I had to put her worries to rest once and for all.

"Bella, the only person I'm spending the evening with is you and the only people who have any interest in who I spend my time with are the members of my family. If you recall the smiles on their faces when we left the house, I would suspect they are not at all upset."

My explanation seemed to allay her fears, at least for the moment. I thought the worst was over. I was wrong. I had wanted to proceed slowly, carefully, so as not to cause either of us to fall off the tightrope we seemed to be walking on, but it quickly became apparent that Bella had thought about me more often over the years than I had imagined and she was very close to figuring out what I was.

"How old are you?" Bella asked, almost hesitantly as she sighed.

I was not going to come right out and tell her, at least not today, so I decided to find out how old she thought I was.

"How old do you think I am?"

"Well, I thought you may have been fifteen when you helped return me to my parents eight years ago so that would make you twenty-three now?"

From the way her body was reacting, it was clear to me that she was not telling the truth about her suspicions regarding my age, although there was some small truth to her statement. I was fairly certain that she thought I was older than twenty-three even though I would physiologically forever be seventeen. How was I going to answer her without lying? If Bella was providing me with half-truths, perhaps I would do the same and hoped that one day she would forgive my deception.

"My family has a rather odd genetic mutation which causes us to physically age very slowly. I suppose you could say I am seventeen," I explained, feeling rather amused that I had come up with such a plausible and semi-truthful explanation on the spur of the moment. The question was, did Bella believe me at all?

"You can't be only seventeen. I'm seventeen."

Bella was observant and quite intelligent and not fooled at all by my half truths, but I needed to have her move on because I wanted to know what other pieces she had found, although a part of me would have liked to have forgotten the whole thing. Not forgot about Bella and the love I felt for her, quite the contrary. I wanted to be seventeen and in love. Nothing more, nothing less.

"Physically I'm seventeen. Let's leave it at that, shall we?"

"Would the genetic mutation also be the cause of your cold, hard, pale skin and your golden eyes?"

She was much too perceptive.

"Yes, actually, it would." Although I knew Bella was not finished questioning me, I felt some relief that at least a few of the issues had been touched on, regardless of the fact that the complete truth still needed to be told.

"What about your speed and special diet? Is that a part of it as well?"

"I guess I can't get anything by you," I replied, smiling. "Do you have any other questions?"

"Only one. You never did answer my earlier question – did you know I was here the day I fell off the pier or did I just get lucky again?"

I had previously avoided answering that question and had hoped she would have forgotten, but my sweet, precious girl was much too curious for her own good. How would Bella feel if she knew I was following her, trailing her, watching her and creeping into her bedroom at night? Would she be so disgusted that she would finally turn and run?

"Would you believe me if I said that I just happened to be in the right place at the right time?"

"Not really, but that does seem to be how things work when you're involved."

I waited for Bella to say more; she looked contemplative and remained silent for a few minutes before letting me know that she thought we should begin our drive back to Forks. We walked back to the car in comfortable silence before I opened her door, making sure she was comfortable before closing the door and making my way to the driver's side.

The evening had been interesting, to say the least, but I was nevertheless grateful for the chance to finally be with Bella again and to have an opportunity to speak with her. I hoped I had at least partially answered some of her questions. I prayed that she had enjoyed our time together and I wanted to make sure that she _knew_ how much I loved being in her presence.

"Bella, I had a nice time this evening."

"I did, too. Thanks for dinner and for talking with me. I appreciate your honesty," Bella said quietly.

_Honesty? You haven't begun to be honest with her._

I knew the toxic thoughts would eventually find their way to the forefront of my mind and I found myself scowling. I quickly tried to rein in my anger, frustration, as I knew we had barely begun to address the real issues confronting us. Honesty? The monster was correct. I had been anything but honest.

I was about to respond to Bella when I suddenly felt her warm hand on my face. She touched my mouth, seeming to wipe away the grimace on my face as she moved her fingers to the creases that had formed between my eyebrows. I felt the current that always sparked between us as Bella pulled her hand away, but I did not want her to stop touching me. The warmth in her skin comforted me, made me feel alive, so I placed her hand on my cheek as I inhaled her heavenly aroma, kissing her palm as the venom seeped into my mouth, causing me to swallow fast and hard.

Suddenly I heard two voices calling out the same message, but for different reasons. The detestable demon wanted me to continue touching Bella, hoping I would lose control and taste her exquisite blood. The other voice was unfamiliar for the most part, but one I recognized as the man I had once been. He also begged me to continue, urging my onward, as the sensations that ran through my body were mostly unfamiliar, yet extremely intoxicating. I realized the danger I was in as there no longer seemed to be any part of my being holding me back and I was unable to stop.

I lovingly cupped Bella's radiant face between the palms of my cold hands as I peered passionately into her magnificent brown eyes. I had never been so conflicted as I was at that moment while the battle waged between the monster I was and the man I had been. It was unclear who would win as my face moved ever so slowly closer to Bella's mouth, her intoxicating breath filling my senses. Something was drawing us together, when Bella's name suddenly escaped my lips, like a prayer.

I heard Bella's breath hitch, bringing me out of my dream-like state, before I felt her face fall out of my hands as she slumped back into the seat of the Vanquish. What happened?

_She fainted!_

The angry beast within was furious as it lost to the man whose only concern now was Bella's health and well-being. I took a deep, cleansing breath before carefully leaning back her seat as I monitored her body for signs of distress while pondering whether to call Carlisle … or Alice.

**AN: In case you were wondering, the dream Bella had in which Edward sparkled was like a premonition, not just a random dream.**

**Please let me know what you think – leave me a review. Thanks!**


	10. Chapter 10 The Truth Has Many Faces

**DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer owns the entire Twilight Series, Edward, Bella and the other characters that we've grown to know and love. Any new or unfamiliar characters in the story are figments of my imagination. No copyright infringement is intended – I'm just having fun!**

**AN: Sam is a little out of character, but, remember, Jacob imprinted on Leah, so Sam's subsequent behavior isn't really all that surprising.**

_**Many thanks**_ **to my fabulously magnificent beta, TwilightMomofTwo. She is **_**amazing**_ **and always keeps me in line whether I need it or not. ;-) **

**Chapter 10 – The Truth Has Many Faces**

**BPOV**

My dreams of Edward seemed to become an almost common occurrence, the most recent one involving the two of us having dinner during which he explained some of the oddities that seemed to surround the Cullen family. At one point, I touched Edward's cheek and he, in turn, kissed my hand. Then he placed his cool hands on either side of my head, cradling my face, as he looked into my eyes, whispering my name. Not only had my dreams of Edward become more frequent, it was becoming extremely difficult to distinguish between fact and fantasy.

I started to roll over, wanting to continue my dream, but instead stopped short when I heard Edward's smooth voice calling out to me.

"Bella, wake up."

Although I had expected the velvety sounds of his words to originate from inside my head, where my dreams resided, it seemed as if they had come from right beside me.

"Edward?" I mumbled, hoping that I was truly asleep so that my dream would continue.

"Bella, please open your eyes," Edward replied, his melodious tones laced with concern.

I could actually _feel_ the energy that surrounded us and I wasn't at all prepared to wake up.

"No," I said resolutely. "If I open my eyes you'll disappear."

I gasped when I suddenly felt a cold hand gently stroke my cheek, causing my eyes to open involuntarily.

"Edward!" I shouted as my mouth gaped open. How was it possible that he was here? Wait, where was I? I looked around and realized that I was in a car, but whose car was it? Edward's? As my eyes adjusted to the dim light, I recognized the parking area on Front Street.

"It wasn't a dream?" I asked my words barely audible. I wasn't sure Edward had heard me and was about to repeat myself when I heard his soothing voice.

"I don't know. What was your dream about?" he asked, sounding mildly amused.

I was embarrassed to tell him what I had remembered, especially the parts that appealed to me the most, and, as I grinned while recalling the way Edward had touched me, a quizzical look came over his face.

"What?" I asked, knowing full well that he was waiting for an explanation. I shied away from the more intimate images my mind had remembered and finally decided to ask, "Did we really have dinner together?"

"Yes," Edward responded, as he waited for me to continue. When I remained silent, he asked, "Do you remember anything else?"

I blushed, recalling exactly how close our faces had been, wondering if he had kissed me, but then deciding he hadn't, because I would _never_ have forgotten that. I sighed as I heard Edward chuckle.

"I'm glad you're alright. You gave me quite a scare when you fainted," he said, continuing to gaze into my eyes. His stare was so intense, I was certain he could see right through me, deep into my soul.

Realizing I had not been dreaming, and that Edward was truly with me, my heart suddenly began racing while my breathing became rapid. I looked down at his hand which was resting on the seat, his long fingers wrapped over the edge as he leaned toward me. I picked up my own hand from out of my lap and slowly placed it over Edward's as I felt the contrast between my soft, warm skin and his, the words cold and hard once more reverberating through my mind.

I nearly pulled away, as the sensation which surrounded us became focused where our skin made contact, but, instead, I looked up. I didn't know what I was expecting to see, and was pleased to discover that he seemed content, at ease, _happy_. I smiled and, he reciprocated, giving me his fabulously gorgeous crooked smile.

Edward reached for my cheek with his free hand, cradling my head ever so tenderly between his hand and the head rest of the seat. I closed my eyes, breathing in his scent, my lips parting ever so slightly. The air around us was electrical. I actually felt the buzzing and heard the faint humming of the air. The pull I felt in my chest to be closer to him was overpowering, as my body seemed to inch ever so slightly forward of its own accord. It was as if there was an actual magnetic force at work, bringing our bodies together. The emptiness that had been my constant companion for more than half my life was gone and in its place was warmth, peace, _love_.

"Isabella," he whispered, pronouncing my name carefully, his cool breath flowing over my skin, sending chills down my spine. Suddenly, my head was spinning and I was afraid I would faint again, but I couldn't let that happen. Not again. Not now. I looked down quickly, studying my hands, hoping that if I didn't peer into his deep golden eyes that, maybe, I would be able to find some clarity. But, unexpectedly his hand moved away from my cheek, his fingers gently gliding down my face while his fingertips tenderly grazed the soft skin behind my ear. His hand continued on its path until it came to rest at the nape of my neck, his fingers barely brushing against my skin. The air around us seemed so thick that I could actually feel it – and I sat very still, unable to move, as I willed myself to breathe. A part of me felt fear, although I didn't know why, while another part experienced other, less familiar, pleasant sensations.

My breath became ragged, my heart pounded and my blood raced through my body as my pulse thudded loudly in my ears. I willed myself to relax, but to no avail. Edward appeared to have complete control over my body as it instinctively responded to his smell, his touch, while the sparks flew around us. Although I did my best to take control of these new-found emotions, I was certain Edward could see right through my vain efforts to calm down.

"The blush on your cheeks is lovely," he murmured, gently freeing his left hand from underneath mine as he slowly moved both his hands, carefully and methodically, toward my face once more until they found their resting place on my cheeks as my hands came to lie in my lap. I was terrified to touch him, uncertain of what was happening between us, too embarrassed to ask. I felt like a fool for not understanding when, suddenly, he whispered.

"Be very still."

It sounded like a warning so I froze, staying as still as possible, willing myself not to move. Then, after a moment or two, I ever so slowly looked up into his face, only to find his eyes boring deeply into mine the instant they made contact. Watching me, never removing his eyes from mine, he leaned toward me, pulling my face to his, as we incrementally inched closer to one another. Then, suddenly and without warning, he tenderly, yet carefully, caressed my lips with his while his hands once more slid down the sides of my neck, causing me to shiver as I heard him catch his breath. I remained motionless and the moment, although it seemed to last forever, did not last long enough, when he released me before sitting back in his seat, his eyes peaceful.

Was I asleep? Was I still dreaming? I was afraid to say anything – I wanted to ask him what was happening, but I just couldn't. Had Edward just kissed me? Impossible. He couldn't love me. He could have anyone, so why would he choose me? My mind must have finally snapped, pulling my sanity away with it. My dreams had finally become my false reality. I suppose if I were going insane, I would be happy to forever stay in _this _world, yet there was something nagging in the back of my mind, trying to tell me that this was real. Well, there was one way I could think of to find out whether I was awake or if I had, in fact, lost my grip on reality. I lifted up my hand, reached over and pinched myself on the arm.

"Ow!" I yelled out.

Edward looked over at me, shocked in disbelief as he asked, "Bella, why did you just pinch yourself?"

"I thought I was still dreaming," I answered shyly.

"I can assure you, love, that you are very much awake," Edward replied affectionately. "However," he paused before finishing his thought, "I probably should get you home." He was quiet, as he turned back to face the steering wheel, a desperately sad expression on his face.

I had all but forgotten about going home. My life suddenly seemed so surreal. Not only I was here, with Edward, but he had kissed me and, although neither of us had verbally expressed our feelings, it was crystal clear that there was _something _between us. Wait, had he just called me 'love'? Did Edward _love_ me? I could not wrap my head around what was going on, yet, my joy was overflowing. I wanted, needed, yearned for more time with him; I wasn't ready to leave his side. After eight long, tedious, torturous years we were finally together and the last thing I wanted to do was go home. However, it was getting late and I didn't want my father to worry, but I almost didn't care. Almost. I sighed.

"Yeah, I suppose you're right," I replied wistfully. "I wish –" I said before stopping myself. I felt certain that after what had just occurred Edward would want to see me again. He did care for me, didn't he? It seemed impossible that he would choose me and I knew I would feel so much better if I heard it from his mouth. I had to know for a certainty that he wanted me as I needed him. Maybe that was too much to ask. After all, I hadn't admitted anything to him yet, either. Perhaps it would be best if I went home to deliberate over everything that had just occurred before openly confessing how much I cared for him, exposing myself to him in that way.

"What do you wish?" Edward asked. "I'll do my best to give you anything and everything your heart desires," he stated, smiling sweetly. He took my hands in his, kissing each one of my knuckles, before placing them back in my lap. His actions, and the intensity of his gaze, literally took my breath away.

"Uh, it's nothing, really," I answered, looking away. All I really wanted, all I'd ever wished for, was more time with Edward, but would he be willing to give that to me? It was a simple request, really, definitely in his power and only his, but I didn't want to put him on the spot and, if I was honest, a part of me was still afraid of rejection. Perhaps at this moment when time seemed to stand still, when the rest of the world had ceased to exist, there was only Edward and me. But, once we left this spot, and I was again home, in my normal, boring, mundane life, I was sure he would be gone again and I couldn't help but feel a slight tug on my heart. I would never trade the last few minutes, hours – however long we'd been together – for anything. My only wish was that they could last a lifetime. I wanted to be with Edward. Forever.

"Bella," he said firmly. "Look at me."

I felt my eyes begin to water; I didn't want him to see me cry so I glanced out the window. I sighed as a single traitorous tear escaped and ran down my cheek. I felt Edward wipe it away and for a split second I thought he brought his finger up to his face. Had he smelled my tear? Tasted it? I blinked my eyes, trying to clear my head of such nonsense when I felt Edward's light touch on my chin before he ever so gently, turned my face toward his. Just as he was about to say something, his phone rang.

"Alice," he muttered bitterly as he answered, listened and then closed his phone.

"We have a few more minutes," Edward sighed. "Alice is going to meet us here and take you home; she's concerned that your father will be upset if he sees me, especially as we haven't been properly introduced. It could bring up a lot of questions that neither one of us are prepared to answer."

"It's okay, Edward," I replied reluctantly. I didn't want to spend our last few moments together being upset or wondering what he thought and when I would see him again, if ever. But I couldn't seem to hide my disappointment that our evening was coming to an end.

"Bella, I hope this won't be the last time we see or speak with one another," Edward said, a touch of yearning in his voice. "Unless you'd prefer not to see me –"

"What?" I almost shrieked. Did he think that _I _wouldn't want to see _him_? "No, impossible. Never," I said, shaking my head. How could he be so foolish as to think that I would turn him away? It was preposterous.

Ludicrous.

So why did he look like he would fall apart at the touch of a feather? What had I said? As I recalled the preceding moments, I realized that he could have mistaken my outburst for confirmation that I, in fact, preferred _not_ to see him. Oh, this was bad, really bad. I had to straighten out the misunderstanding now. Immediately.

"Edward, I don't think I was clear. I mean, you surprised me and my words, my thoughts, got jumbled all together. What I meant to say was –" but Edward interrupted me before I could continue.

"Please, don't say anything else," his voice cracked. He sounded anguished, full of utter despair and my heart broke at the sight of him. "There's no need for to you explain," he mumbled, dejectedly.

No, this could not be happening. How could I have ruined everything? What had I done? But then I had an idea. It was an impulsive, foolish, stupid idea, and if I was wrong about him, it would devastate me, yet I had waited too long for Edward and wanted him too much. I would not let him go over a simple miscommunication. I would not give him up without a fight. I had to be brave, even if it ended up killing me.

I took a deep breath before closing my eyes. I would not be able to look at his face as I had my say. I was too much of a coward. If I was going to get through this, I would have to do it with my eyes shut tight.

"Edward," I said, reaching deep down into myself for every ounce of courage I had.

"Edward, I love you."

There. I'd said it.

I waited.

And waited.

And still, nothing.

The silence was deafening.

I couldn't continue sitting here with my eyes closed. I had to see his face. Even if he would ultimately reject me, I had to know.

Slowly, I opened my eyelids, but I refused to turn and look at him just yet. I kept listening for something, anything, but it seemed as if I was alone. So, after an infinitely excruciatingly amount of time had passed, I turned my head toward Edward.

Whatever I was expecting to see was not what I saw, and I thought my heart would burst at the sight of him. Edward actually seemed to be glowing. I stared, as my mouth fell open. I was thoroughly dumbstruck by his appearance. Magnificent and radiant couldn't even begin to describe him.

"Bella," he whispered, his gaze captivating me as it seared through my skin, melting me into a pool of mush.

"You have no idea how long I've waited for you to speak those words."

He truly seemed to be beaming, as if he could actually light up the darkness. It was the most absolutely amazing thing I'd ever seen. I was too nervous to speak.

Maybe I was still dreaming. Maybe I was still in Arizona and this was some elaborate scheme my mind had concocted to help me through losing both Edward and Chris. I felt the tears well up as I lost control and they gushed down my cheeks.

"I knew it," I sobbed. "I _knew _I was dreaming."

"How can I put this so that you'll believe me?" Edward laughed, although he sounded slightly frustrated. "You're not asleep. I'm here. And . . ." he paused, beaming at me, his eyes full of wonder. "I love you. I _have _always loved you and I _will _always love you."

I could not believe what he was saying. How could it be true? I shook my head while the tears continued to seep from the corners of my eyes.

"You don't believe me, do you?" he murmured, as his face began to lose some of its luster.

"It doesn't make sense," I choked out.

"What do you mean by that?" he asked, sounding absolutely baffled.

"Well, look at me," I spouted. "I'm absolutely ordinary, except for all the awful things that seem to happen to me or to the people around me. Oh, and let's not forget my clumsiness . . . it's so bad I'm practically disabled. Then, there's you."

I waved my hand in his direction to underscore my point. He was the epitome of gorgeous, beyond handsome and I was just – plain.

"You don't see yourself very clearly," Edward replied quickly. "But you will, in time. I'll make certain of it."

I didn't understand what he meant, but I'd take all the time in the world with Edward if he was willing to stay with me. That was when I remembered Alice was on her way and that I still had to go home.

"Will you call me?" I asked hesitantly.

"Of course, if you wish. You also have my number, don't you?"

I nodded, but remained silent.

"Until we figure out what to tell your parents, it might be wise for you to call me. The fewer questions they have, the better," Edward said. He looked as if he was thinking really hard about something.

"Uh, what exactly is there to tell?" I asked quietly. "I mean besides the obvious question regarding how I know you."

"Well, I thought we'd just established that we'll be seeing quite a bit of each other," Edward said almost shyly, as if I would actually disagree with him.

I didn't have anything to offer him except my love. Would that be enough? He had money, good looks, a loving family and I was certain he must have tons of friends. In comparison, I had parents who loved me, but that was about it. Surely someone like him must have been extremely popular in high school, unlike me.

Yet, somehow, he seemed to tell me that he loved me and wanted to continue to see me. I guess only time would tell and I, for one, would not push him away; I would take whatever he would give me for as long as it would last.

"I would like that very much," I said, smiling, as I heard a car pull up behind us.

Suddenly Edward was out of his car and at my side, pulling open the door and helping me out of my seat. Although he moved faster than most people, he wasn't so fast that I didn't see him as he moved – he just seemed to get from one place to the other quicker than I anticipated. My thoughts returned to some of the previous things I had considered, super heroes being among them, but shook my head at the ridiculousness of it all.

Edward had given me an explanation – I would just have to learn more about his family's genetic disorder so that perhaps I could understand him better.

I looked at the car, surprised that it wasn't Alice's Porsche as I had been expecting. Instead, there was a black car with dark, tinted windows, so dark, in fact, that I wasn't able to see who was driving. Edward escorted me over to the car which I recognized as a Mercedes, and opened the door. But before I stepped inside, he picked up my hand, kissing it again. I was quite sure I was blushing and was glad the sun had set and the sky had become dark. Hopefully Edward wouldn't notice how much he affected me.

"I would love to see you tomorrow," Edward said quietly.

I didn't realize I was holding my breath until I inhaled a bit too quickly and started coughing. It was pathetic, yet so typical for me; it wasn't funny in the least, but I felt so ridiculous that I started laughing, which only made me cough that much more. Edward looked at me as if he wanted to do something to help, but there wasn't anything to be done, so I just held one hand up in the air, hoping he would understand that I just needed a minute to regain my composure.

By that time, Alice had exited the car and was standing in front of me. I could hear her laughing quietly, apparently very amused by my current situation. I turned to glare at her, but instead, I laughed. Again. When I finally settled down, it took everything I had _not_ to begin giggling once more. However, when I looked over at Edward, he seemed very perplexed.

"Edward, are you okay?" I asked as I cleared my throat one more time.

"I think the better question is, are _you_ alright?" he asked, still seeming unsure of himself.

"Yeah, it's nothing. I'm okay," I replied, chuckling. It was so odd to see him less than confident in himself because all the other times I'd seen him it appeared as if he had the world eating out of the palms of his hands. It hadn't ever really occurred to me that Edward might not always be so self-assured, and although I had seen a few glimpses this evening, this one took the cake.

Alice started to walk back around to get into the car, but stopped short. She had that far away look in her eyes that I'd become accustomed to seeing.

"I think it would be best if you called Edward after your father leaves in the morning. Feel free to call anytime after eight," Alice stated. Although Edward had previously mentioned me calling him, what made Alice think the same thing? And why would she give me such a specific time? Although it would be a good idea to call before Renee got home, why would I call so early?

"That's much too early to call," I said, frowning.

"It's fine," Edward replied with a smile. "We're all early risers. Feel free to call whenever you wake up."

"Okay, if you're sure...," I consented quickly before smiling at him. I was about to sit down in the car when I realized his face was there, so very close to mine. His beauty stunned my mind, my senses, forcing my eyes to shut as I felt his hands on my face again, before once more sensing the very discernible, tangible sparks surround us.

I couldn't breathe.

I felt his hesitation.

I waited, but nothing happened so I opened my eyes.

Edward was still there, not even an inch away from my face. Perhaps he was trying to gauge my reaction or perhaps he was waiting for my permission. Either way, I would give him whatever he wanted; but, as I was unable to find my voice, I just nodded my head.

Then, although the anticipation of the moment was exhilarating in and of itself, nothing could compare to the kiss, the moment his cold, marble lips pressed against mine.

What I was not prepared for, and what shocked me beyond belief, was my reaction.

Suddenly, my hands were in his hair as my fingers pulled on the strands; my breath escaped my body in a wild gasp. I felt as if I was on fire, my blood boiled underneath my skin, and I pulled Edward closer to me. There seemed to be so much more intensity, passion in this kiss as compared to the first time his lips had gently grazed mine. Then, without warning, I felt him pull ever so slightly away.

Instantly, I was _totally _embarrassed. I tried to back out of his arms completely, wanting to jump into the car and slam the door shut so I could hide, but he would have none of that. When I dared to look at his face, what I saw startled me. His eyes were wild and his jaw clenched, but he continued to hold my face close to his.

"I'm sorry," was all I could say. After all, what does one say when they've just attacked someone?

"Mmm, that was interesting," Edward murmured before slowly letting me go, as he began to smile.

"I, uh, didn't mean to react that way," I mumbled, looking down at the ground, kicking some imaginary piece of dirt with the toe of my shoe.

"It's quite alright," Edward said, his tone suddenly carefree. "It was just unexpected."

"You can say that again," I muttered, still mortified by my actions.

"I didn't say I didn't like it," he chuckled, grinning irresistibly.

I felt all the blood in my body rush to my cheeks, as the blush became almost unbearable. My face felt so hot I thought it would melt my skin.

"I'm stronger than I thought," Edward said softly, so quietly in fact that I wasn't sure I was supposed to hear him. I certainly had no idea what he meant.

I had almost forgotten about Alice until she cleared her throat and my embarrassment promptly increased exponentially. I heard her laugh before she said, "I really think it's time for Bella to go home."

I looked back at Edward and nodded my head. He seemed to understand that I needed to leave even though I wanted to stay. His lips broke out into his breath-taking smile as he held the door open for me once more and I got into the car. When he closed the door behind me, Alice opened the window, allowing Edward to lean in, as he kissed my ear, and whispered, "You are my life now."

My heart stuttered, as I gulped, unable to believe what I'd heard. I waved to him, unable to utter a sound, before watching as he turned away and retreated to his car without saying another word.

Before I realized it, Alice and I were on our way to Forks.

Alice's grin was so big that she reminded me of the Cheshire Cat and I started laughing, but was surprised by her words.

"You like him a lot, don't you?"

It was more of a statement than a question, and an obvious one at that since she had just recently observed me attacking her brother.

"You think?" I responded sarcastically.

Alice giggled as if she had just won a giant prize at the fair. But in truth, it was I who had won.

"Everything is coming together nicely," Alice mused.

"What?" I asked. I shouldn't have, because I was certain it was another one of Alice's déjà vu moments.

"Oh, it's nothing. I just know these things," Alice said matter-of-factually, tapping the side of her head with her forefinger. "Anyway," she continued, "he's never _stopped_ thinking about you."

"Really?" I was shocked. I had not forgotten him, either, but he was just – well, he was Edward. Although I now knew that there was a bond, a connection, between us, why would he have thought about me over the past years? I was nothing special.

"Why?" I asked.

"I think that's a question better left for Edward," Alice replied happily. "Suffice it to say you are important to _all_ of us."

"What does that mean?" I asked, but Alice remained silent.

"Will you at least tell me about the genetic disorder your family has?" I asked, her vague and cryptic answers annoying me.

"Well, it's a long story, so perhaps some other time. Anyway, it's really something Edward should discuss with you, but he may be hesitant. If you don't get your answers soon, let me know and I'll see what I can do to help out," she grinned.

I could see that I wasn't going to get anywhere with Alice, so I decided to change the subject.

"My mother won't be home tonight so I don't need to worry about an explanation as to who you are because my dad won't ask, but tomorrow is another story. I'll most likely be bombarded with more than twenty questions by my mom and I'm not sure what to tell her. I'd rather not lie, especially since I'm not very good at it." I really had no idea what I would tell Renee. If I was lucky she would be so busy getting the last few things done before Christmas that she wouldn't remember to ask, but with her, you could never be too careful.

"Well, I don't think she's going to question you about your day, but if she does, you can tell her that you met one of the daughters of a doctor who treated you," Alice suggested before asking, "How long ago did you move to Forks?"

"We've been here for two years," I said, wondering why she wanted to know.

"That's about how long we've been in Sequim so we're both relatively new to the area," Alice stated. "Was it hard for you to make friends with kids that have lived in the town all their lives?"

I couldn't believe the Cullens had been so close to me all this time. It was really quite depressing to think that Edward and I could have already been together, instead of just starting out. I knew I shouldn't dwell on the past; it never did me any good, and I sighed before answering Alice.

"Story of my life. I really only made one friend, even though I've met quite a few people." I didn't want to get into the whole Jacob story again, but it just kind of slipped out. I was hoping Alice wouldn't pick up on it – I was wrong. She was very perceptive.

"Oh, was that the friend you mentioned this morning?" she asked.

"Yes, it was. I'm not sure what's going on with us right now, but I haven't talked to him since –." No sooner had I said those words did I stop myself.

"What about him?"

"Alice, he was only a friend and I already told you everything. He got mad at me for some reason and now he won't speak to me," I said, feeling rather aggravated.

"That doesn't seem like a very good friend," Alice said as she once again had a far away look on her face.

"Alice? Are you okay?"

"Yes, thanks. If you don't mind me asking, who was that friend?"

I thought it was curious that Alice would ask about Jacob because I was certain she didn't know him, but it didn't really matter because unless something drastic happened, I didn't think I would be seeing him any time soon.

"His name is Jacob Black. My dad knew Jake's dad, Billy, when they were in college and kept in touch periodically over the years. When my dad decided to retire from the Army, Billy happened to mention that Forks was looking for a new police chief and that's how we ended up here. Jacob and I became best friends, at least I thought we had, but he got angry at my birthday dinner; that's when I realized he wanted to be more than friends," I rambled nervously.

I waited for the empty feeling to return, but even though Edward wasn't around, my chest didn't ache as it usually did. I still felt a little sad because Jacob had become important to me, but the pain I typically experienced was gone.

Alice remained quiet which was unusual for her. Finally she spoke.

"Where were you earlier the day you ended up in Port Angeles?" she asked.

"Well, I had school and then I went to Jake's house. Why?"

"Just curious," she replied smiling, but it didn't quite seem to reach her eyes. I didn't have a chance to ask for details because just at that moment she pulled up to my house. Charlie's cruiser was there so I quickly opened the door as Alice said, "Be sure to call Edward tomorrow. He's already dying to hear from you."

Then, as she drove away, I heard her laughter fill the night sky.

I walked into the house and wasn't at all surprised to find Charlie watching television. He looked over at me for a second and then nodded his head, acknowledging I was home. There were many ways my parents were different, but one of the most obvious was the way my mother tended to almost suffocate me at times while Charlie, on the other hand, never hovered, something I appreciated a lot. I said good night as I made my way upstairs, thinking about the day's events and I was suddenly sure of one thing – I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was in love with Edward Cullen.

And he had said he loved me, too.

I was certain I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

When I woke up the following morning, it was December twenty-third, and for the first time in quite awhile, I felt light. I didn't feel as weighed down as I had since losing Carolyn and Chris. I was sure Charlie had already left for work, and Renee hadn't yet returned from her trip to Seattle. I thought about the previous day, the time I'd spent with the Cullens and, more importantly, the time Edward and I were together, alone. I pondered over Alice's suggestion that I call Edward even though I would have preferred for him to call me; I sighed and decided to have some breakfast when the phone rang. I was so excited that I almost tumbled down the stairs as I hurried to the kitchen.

"Hello?" I asked, forgetting to check the caller ID.

"Bella?"

Why would _she_ call me?

"Hi, Leah."

"Uh, hi. How are you?" she asked nervously.

"I'm okay. What about you?" I hadn't talked to anyone from the reservation since the day Sam had called and I wondered why she would call me. Then I remembered that Renee had gone to Seattle with Sue Clearwater. "Is everything okay?"

"Oh, yeah. Mom called and said they would be home some time after lunch. I guess they're having a good time shopping," she laughed quietly.

"That's good," I said hastily. "What can I do for you?"

"I wanted to talk with you . . . about Jacob," Leah replied hesitantly.

"No thanks," I stated hurriedly. "I don't want to get involved. It's unfortunate, but Jake made his choice when he stopped speaking to me three months ago after he got angry on my birthday. By the way, have you talked with Sam?" As soon as I asked the question, I regretted it. I should have just said good-bye and hung up.

"Yeah," Leah said sadly. "We broke up."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," I replied, understanding what her unsaid words implied – that she was with Jacob. "Well, I better go."

"Bella, wait," she said. "He didn't mean to hurt you."

"Listen, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but it's not necessary. I'm guessing you guys are dating now and that's cool. Jake and I were never anything more than friends. I am a little surprised that you two hooked up since you had dated Sam for so long, but that's your business, not mine. You don't have to worry about me, I'm good, but thanks anyway; I appreciate your concern," I replied, feeling just a bit awkward.

"Okay, Bella, but if you ever want to talk, please call me. I know we were never that close, but I've always enjoyed your company," Leah said. "You're different than most of the girls around here."

Just as I pulled the phone away from my ear, I heard her as she very quietly said, "I really could use a friend."

I almost felt bad for hanging up because I certainly understood how she felt about needing someone to talk with, to confide in, but I couldn't be there for her. Besides, she had her cousin, Emily and Jacob's sisters, so I knew Leah would be fine and I was not going to get pulled back into Jake's life. He had made his choice when he turned his back on our friendship. If he would have been honest with me and told me about Leah, I would have been happy for him, but he chose to shut me out of his life instead.

I felt angry, sad and hurt all over again; I felt the tears well up in my eyes. I had been so lighthearted when I woke up, but now I was really annoyed. It wasn't Leah's fault – it was Jake's. I guess I hadn't gotten over how betrayed I felt. It hadn't been more than a minute since I'd hung up with Leah, so when the phone rang again, I assumed she was calling back. Perhaps she thought we'd been disconnected since I'd never really said bye.

"Hello?" I said in a huff.

"Bella? Bella, sweetheart, are you alright? What's troubling you?" It was Edward.

"Oh. Hi, Edward. It's nothing. I just wasn't expecting you to call," I said, breathing a sigh of relief. I couldn't help myself as a grin broke out across my face.

"Yes, well this morning Alice told me that she didn't think you would call and since your parents aren't home, there wouldn't be anyone around to ask questions, so –"

"Thank you, Edward, I'm glad you did," I said, interrupting him. He didn't need to explain. Hearing his voice was just what I needed as my heart pounded in my chest. It was amazing what just the sound of his voice could do to my body.

"So what has you so bothered this early in the morning?" he asked kindly; I could tell that he really was concerned.

"It's nothing you need to worry about, Edward, honestly." I just wanted to think about him and the sensations that seemed to burn through me as he spoke.

"Anything that upsets you _is_ my concern," he replied, almost fiercely.

Just then there was a knock at the door. I wasn't expecting anyone and as I walked out of the kitchen to answer it, I heard Alice shriek through the other end of the phone, "No! Edward, tell her not to open the door!"

Hearing Alice so upset caused me to pause. Although I had no idea who stood on the doorstep, I hadn't been at all nervous, but now I was. Who could it be?

"Edward, why doesn't Alice want me to answer the door?" I asked, feeling afraid.

"Just stay where you are. I'll be there in a few minutes," Edward replied hurriedly.

"What? Where are you?" I asked, not understanding why he would have come to see me without some prior warning. I wasn't even dressed yet.

"Bella, I know you're home. Open the door. I need to talk to you!"

It was Sam Uley. What was he doing at my house? Had Leah called earlier to warn me about him? If so, why hadn't she mentioned it? Why did he want to talk to me? I still knew no more than I did when he last called. And, more importantly, why didn't Alice want me to let Sam in the house? He sounded frustrated, angry even, but that didn't have anything to do with me.

"Edward, it's just Sam, one of the boys from the reservation. He used to hang out at Jacob's house. He's probably just upset because his girlfriend left him and started dating Jacob. He thinks I can do something to help him get Leah back because . . . well, Sam thinks Jake and I were more than friends," I spoke softly through the phone, not sure whether or not Edward heard me.

"Bella, please go to your room and lock the door. I'm almost there. As soon as we arrive, I'll give Alice the phone so you'll know when it will be safe to unlock the door and let her in. Everything's going to be alright. I promise," Edward said urgently. I could hear the worry and dread in his voice which only served to frighten me that much more.

"Oh, okay," I replied quickly as Sam continued banging on the front door.

"Bella, you did this. It's all your fault. If you would have given Jacob what he wanted, Leah wouldn't have left me!" Sam shouted.

I had only seen him a handful of times and it never occurred to me that he could have such a bad temper, but regardless, his behavior was really scaring me. I wished Charlie was home as I holed up in my room, waiting for Alice and Edward to arrive. I had no idea how far away they were, but I was very concerned that they wouldn't make it before Sam busted down the door. Once he did that, it wouldn't take him long to make his way into my room. I wanted to call Charlie, but I didn't want to hang up with Edward.

"Love, are you there? Are you okay? We're in Forks now so it will only be another moment before we arrive at your house. Where are you now?" Edward asked anxiously.

"I'm in my room," I whispered even though I knew Sam couldn't hear me. Although I was terrified that Sam could be inside the house at any moment, my heart soared at the new nickname Edward had for me. Suddenly I was jerked back to reality when I heard a car pull up, tires squealing and doors slamming.

"Bella, it's Alice. We're here. Come down and unlock the front door. I'll come in while Edward speaks with Sam privately," she said, speaking quickly before hanging up the phone.

"Alright," I replied, stupidly speaking into the now silent phone, as I ran down the stairs, hoping and praying that I wouldn't trip and fall.

"Alice," I called out. "Are you still there?" I was afraid to open the door while Sam was right outside.

"Yes, I'm here," Alice said as I fumbled with the lock and opened the door, letting her in; she quickly shut the door behind her, locking it again.

"Wait, where's Edward?" I asked. I hadn't seen him when I opened the door.

"He's just having a friendly chat with Sam. You know, one guy to another. He'll call me as soon as he's ready so you can unlock the door and let him in," she replied, seeming a bit more relaxed than she had a moment ago.

"I hope they don't get into a fight. I don't need someone calling my dad and having him meet Edward for the first time _that_ way," I said, feeling anxious all over again as we walked back up the stairs to my room.

Now that Alice was here and Edward was speaking with Sam, my mind wandered back to what he had called me, and how, with that one simple word, he had confirmed the reality of our relationship. It was hard to believe that after all this time, we could actually end up together and, at that moment, I realized being with Edward was worth all the nightmares, the years of loneliness and, even the pain.

Although, at the time, the burden seemed too much to bear, in the end, all the anguish was justified so long as we were together. All the misery was worth the price I paid because I had never felt for anyone – not even Chris – what I felt for Edward.

I was lost in my thoughts when I heard Alice huff. She sounded exasperated. I looked around the room and found her standing in front of my closet. That's when I realized I was still in my pajamas.

"Oh," I said with a start as I ran, grabbed my jeans and reached for a t-shirt. "I . . . I'll be right back," I said to Alice as I quickly walked into the bathroom to change. I dressed hastily and then brushed my hair and teeth quickly, before returning to my room.

"We really need to take you shopping," Alice said, looking at my clothes, a horrified expression on her face. "I can't believe your mother actually allows you to leave the house in these things?"

Alice's face bore a grimaced expression as she stared at my wardrobe, or lack thereof, shaking her head. I really liked Alice, but who was she to tell me about my lack of fashion ability. I was quite aware that I had none, but she didn't need to rub my face in it.

"My mother finally gave up on me," I replied resentfully as I glared at her. But before she could respond, her phone rang and, assuming it was Edward, I ran down the stairs to open the door.

"Bella, wait!" Alice shouted, but she was too late.

Just before I reached the last stair, I lost my footing and fell down a few steps, never reaching the door to unlock it. But, somehow, Edward was there at the bottom of the stairs.

"Bella," he whispered, picking me up off the floor as if I was as light as a feather. "Are you okay? Where does it hurt?"

I had never heard someone speak so quickly as the words flew flawlessly out of his mouth. Before I could respond, Alice spoke.

"She's fine, Edward. Calm down." Alice was smiling, rolling her eyes.

I rubbed a spot on my knee and another on my elbow before checking my head. It seemed Alice was right. I was a bit sore, but nothing else.

"Edward, you can put me down now," I said, gazing up at him. As much as I enjoyed being in his arms, I felt a little awkward.

I wanted him to look at me, but Edward was focused on Alice, while an anguished expression slowly crept across his face. Once he realized I was watching him, his expression softened slightly – was he concerned? And, if so, what was he worried about?

"Is Sam gone?" I whispered.

"Yes, and he won't be coming back anytime soon," Edward replied angrily.

"Did he say what he wanted?" I asked nervously.

"You were right," Edward said through clenched teeth. "He blames you for Leah breaking up with him and he was determined to drag you back to the reservation, to Jacob Black's house, until you straightened out the mess he believes you made. I'm just glad that Alice suggested we come by to see you this morning. I don't know what I would have done if something had happened to you."

Edward's expression seemed pained, but I didn't know why. I could understand that he might have been bothered or troubled, but I would have eventually come home. Even if Sam had been really angry, everything would have been straightened out once we got to Jake's house. I was mostly afraid because Sam had been so loud, but maybe if I had just opened the door, he might have settled down.

"Edward, I would have been okay. I know Sam was pissed off, but even if I had gone with him to Jacob's house, I'm sure Jake's dad would have talked some sense into him and explained everything. I never suspected Sam had such a temper, but he never would have hurt me. He was just upset that he lost the girl he's been in love with for years to a younger guy who he thought was his friend. Apparently I wasn't the only one Jacob betrayed," I explained. I didn't want Edward to worry about something that would have been okay even if he hadn't been on his way. In any case, I sort of felt bad for Sam.

"Bella, if he had hurt you, I don't know if I would have been able to control myself," Edward whispered, but his voice sounded strained. It seemed he was trying really hard to remain calm, but he wasn't having much luck as I watched his fingers open and close, his hands balling into fists.

We had, initially, walked toward the living room as we continued our conversation, but instead of sitting, we had all remained standing. When I finally started to make my way toward the sofa, I realized that neither Alice nor Edward had followed. Edward seemed so worked up, but I didn't understand why. After all, I was fine. Nothing had happened. He needed to relax. I had learned that when he touched me, held me, that the emptiness inside of me disappeared. So, perhaps, my touch could provide him some comfort as well.

I walked back to where he stood, as still as a statue, and looked up at him, trying to make eye contact, but he was staring at Alice. If I didn't know better, I would have thought they were having some silent conversation. I wanted him to look at me so I slowly reached up and gently placed my hands on either side of his face, cradling his cheeks.

"Edward," I said calmly. "Please look at me."

Very slowly and with deliberate movements, he lowered his head toward the sound of my voice, his eyes finally meeting mine. I hadn't noticed before, but his usually gold-colored eyes were black. Pitch black. It startled me and I gasped involuntarily. No sooner had I done that did Edward close his eyes.

"Are you okay?" I asked, hesitantly, as I waited for an answer. But none came. I was afraid to let go of his face, afraid he'd disappear, when suddenly I felt his hands on my hips. I began to relax and waited another minute before speaking again.

"Edward, open your eyes. _Please_," I begged.

It was so quiet in the room you could hear a pint drop when Alice finally spoke from behind where I stood.

"Bella, he's going to be fine. He was _really_ worried about you and Edward has quite a temper. Fortunately, he remained in control while he spoke with Sam, but it was not without a lot of effort. Edward's just feeling a little overwhelmed right now, but he'll be alright in a minute. Why don't you and I go sit down and talk while he goes outside to get some fresh air?"

As soon as those last few words were out of Alice's mouth, my hands fell away from his face and I took a step back. Somehow I was certain this was Alice's way of telling me that Edward was going to leave me. Again. My heart was shattering in slow motion and, just like broken pieces of glass, I felt the shards rip through me. I felt as if I was being cut apart by a million knives. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't have him love me and then, when he got tired of me, or angry with me, leave me. The only thing to do was stop this before it got any further out of control, before I was hurt any worse. They both needed to leave and I had to forget about them. _Him. _I would go to college and, finally, be on my own. I only had to wait six more months. I took a deep breath before turning my back on both of them. I wouldn't be able to look at either of them when I next spoke, because if I did, I wouldn't have the courage to do what was necessary.

"Go. Both of you – just leave. Please. I can't go through this again. I don't know what I continually do to make you angry with me, but the anguish and despair I endure every time you leave is too much for me to handle. I have lost every friend I've ever had, nearly every person I've ever loved, so it's not surprising that you're no different. Please, just go," I said, my strangled words coming out in sobs.

I knew my anxiety attack was in full force when I instinctively wrapped my arms around myself. I ran toward the sofa, sitting down in the corner before curling up in a ball. I waited to hear the door close, but the sound never came. I sat, waiting, in silence for what seemed like forever before I heard Edward's soothing voice.

"Bella, I'm so, so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?" he begged. "I didn't realize my actions had caused you so much anguish."

I refused to open my eyes. I couldn't look at him. I was sure his voice was just an auditory hallucination my mind had created to protect me from totally falling apart. I just needed time, which I didn't really have because Renee would be home soon, but at least I could tell her that Sam had stopped by. I would say that he was angry and had scared me, but what if someone from the reservation told her about Edward and Alice being at the house? How much more agony would I be forced to endure before I could walk away from all this?

That's when I felt myself being gently lifted up off the sofa before coming to rest on something hard. A shudder ran through me as it reminded me of the night Tanya had picked me up and taken me away. I wasn't sure what had happened, but I was certain I was still in my living room so I carefully opened my eyes. There was Edward's face, so close to mine that I wasn't sure how our noses weren't actually touching, yet he seemed uptight, distraught and somber, all at the same time, but did I even care? Could I continue to play this game, whatever it was? I didn't know how much more my poor heart could take.

I was unable to remove my hands from around my chest, certain that I'd fall apart if I did, when I realized that Edward's arms were wrapped around me protectively. He pulled me closer and I nestled my head under his chin, listening as we breathed, our hearts beating in unison. I was finally beginning to settle down when I suddenly realized what I didn't hear.

I willed myself not to panic. There had to be a plausible, logical explanation.

I knew I was upset, but there had to be a reason why I could only hear _my_ heart as it pounded in my ears. I took a deep breath and then held it so that the only sound I would hear was the beating of our hearts, but, again, I only heard and felt mine. No sound came from his chest. How was that possible?

I closed my eyes and wished, hoped and prayed that I would hear the one sound, the only sound, that I needed to hear, but it was not to be. That's when everything came crashing down around me and Jacob's words fought their way, clawed through my memory into the forefront of my mind.

_The Cold Ones._

Suddenly all the pieces flew together, violently.

_Cold._

_Hard._

_Pale._

_Golden Eyes._

_Fast._

_Special Diet._

_Immortal._

_Vampires._

I sprang out of Edward's arms and ran as far away from him as I could get before I found myself backed into a corner at the opposite side of the living room. Alice had remained standing near the stairs, and I found my head turning to the right and then the left, as my eyes flew back and forth between them. I watched, waiting for some reaction, some expression, but their faces seemed devoid of emotion. Then, slowly, a look of horror exploded onto Edward's face.

I didn't know what to say or do. I wanted to scream, I needed to run, but they could kill me before anyone would be able to stop them. I wished that I had not listened to Alice because all of a sudden, being taken to the reservation by Sam seemed like a much better alternative than standing in my own living room with two blood-thirsty vampires. My brain scrambled, trying to make sense of it all while I gasped for air as the panic rose inside me. At that moment, I thought I would lose my mind to fear and sheer terror.

Then, after a few minutes, the panic subsided, my thought processes slowed down, and I became rational once more. Edward and Alice remained perfectly motionless. What was I thinking? I had been in a room with the entire Cullen family, seven vampires, and I hadn't ever felt threatened in any way. Quite the contrary. Were they really like the Cold Ones that Jacob had told me about? Were the Cullens like the vampires his great-grandfather had met and made a treaty with?

"You don't have a genetic disorder, do you?" I asked, my voice trembling.

"No," Edward replied quietly, his eyes filled with agony.

"I know what you are," I stated, accusingly. I wanted him to look me directly in the eye and tell me I was wrong, but, instead, Edward lowered his head and stared at the floor.

"Talk to me!" I screamed as my anger began to boil over. But Edward remained silent and was as still as a stone.

I looked at Alice and realized that she was watching Edward, not paying attention to me at all which only served to infuriate me that much more. I wasn't always brave, but when I was upset, I had courage.

"Tell me," I said firmly. "Tell me what you are."

Edward's head remained down, his hands trembling. I had never seen him like this before. If I was wrong, why wouldn't he talk to me?

"Do vampires really exist?" I asked, resigned to accept the truth, no matter what it was.

A part of me prayed that Edward would say no so that I could return to sitting on his lap. I wanted to be able to hear his heartbeat and then he would tell me that he loved me. Everything could return to how it had been last night. Somehow I knew I was just fooling myself. I hadn't really expected Edward to answer, his silence confirmed what I already knew so, instead, I asked the question only he could answer.

"Are you a vampire?" I asked, thinking that I should be scared, _knowing_ that I should most definitely be frightened. Yet, as I stood up straighter, somehow, for some reason unknown to me, I was not afraid, at least not afraid of Edward and Alice.

"Yes," he replied, exhaling as if he had experienced some relief now that I knew his secret.

"How old _are_ you?"

"I'm seventeen."

"No, you're not. How old are you _really_?"

"I was born in 1901," Edward stated, his voice dejected, as he hung his head. Was he ashamed? I could no longer see his face so I didn't understand his reaction.

"No," I gasped incredulously.

Edward nodded, but refused to look me in the eyes.

Before I could ask him when and how he had become a vampire, my mind realized the importance of what I had just learned. If the Cullens were vampires, that meant there was a very real possibility that some of the Quileute boys or men were werewolves.

"What about the werewolves?" I asked.

"Huh?" Edward's mind seemed to be elsewhere, so I repeated myself.

"What about the Quileute tribe turning into werewolves? Are they real, too?"

"How do you know about them?" Edward asked, a shocked expression on his face.

I knew I wasn't supposed to mention the fact that Jacob had told me about the wolves and the Cold Ones, but he hadn't believed the stories, so I decided to be honest with Edward as he had finally been truthful with me.

"My friend – well, my former friend – Jacob Black told me some of the stories and legends of his tribe. He told me about his great-grandfather and –" I couldn't get the words out. No one spoke and the silence in the room was unbearable. Finally I heard Edward's voice.

"And what, Bella?" He looked at me questioningly.

"The Cold Ones," I whispered as I looked down.

"Oh, I see," was all Edward said.

All this time, he had remained sitting on the sofa when, suddenly, he stood up and, before I realized what was happening, he and Alice both turned toward the door.

"Wait! What are you doing? Where are you going?" I asked, desperate for them to stay. "You can't just drop this bomb and then walk out on me. What am I supposed to do with this information?" I could feel the tears in my eyes as my chest tightened, all signs that my anxiety attack had returned. I bent over, trying to calm myself, willing myself to breathe, but I was failing miserably, as my throat constricted, causing me to gasp for air. While I had realized that I was not afraid of Edward, I was most definitely afraid of losing him. And that was something I could not handle.

"You don't want me to leave? You don't care if I'm not human – if I'm a monster?" Edward asked, as he turned back around to face me, surprise reflected in his eyes.

I tried to stand back up, but I still felt weak in the knees, so I walked behind an arm chair, leaning over and gently resting my elbows on the back of it for support. I glanced up into his eyes, but the expression on his face nearly caused me to fall to the floor. Here I was, trying to grasp the fact that the man who supposedly loved me, the man I loved, was actually a vampire, yet _he_ appeared as shattered as my heart. He looked broken, lost. He thought he was a monster. He thought I didn't want him. Then I recalled the words I had told myself when I had previously attempted to find an explanation for why the Cullens hadn't aged.

_They had always been kind to me and had saved me on more than one occasion . . . so no matter what my overactive imagination could conjure up as to what or who they were, it didn't really matter._

Did it matter that they were vampires? Suddenly I became absolutely positive of three things.

First, Edward was, indeed, a vampire.

Second, he had never harmed me. In fact, he had protected me, saved me, on more than one occasion.

And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

Nothing else mattered.

**-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o**

**EPOV**

I sat in my car staring at Bella. She had fainted, and while I had performed a cursory inspection of her before calling Carlisle in near hysterics, I remained unable to function. I hastily explained to him what had occurred and he suggested that the emotional and physiological effects of Bella and I meeting again after all these years could have taken a toll on both her mind and body, causing her to collapse. However, he was certain she would be fine, citing his vast medical experience and suggesting that I make good use of the two medical degrees I had earned in my lifetime and stop panicking. I had begun to mentally slap myself, when Alice came on the phone and alerted me to the fact that Bella would wake up in less than a minute so I hung up and waited patiently for my Beauty to come back to me.

As Bella began to stir, I softly called out to her.

"Bella, wake up."

Her heartbeat seemed to have returned to its normal rhythm as had her breathing, yet she continued to remain silent, not opening her eyes. Eventually, I heard her mumble.

"Edward?"

"Bella, please open your eyes," I said lovingly, trying not to sound as concerned as I was.

The energy surrounding us was palpable and I did not know what effect it would have on her, although I was well aware of the effects it had on me. I continued to monitor her for signs of any further distress, and eventually, she responded to my request.

"No. If I open my eyes you'll disappear."

It was very apparent that she thought she was dreaming, and it was possible that she would continue to believe that she was asleep unless I took some action. With that thought in mind, I reached out my hand and gently stroked the delicate skin of her cheek causing her to gasp as her eyes flew open.

"Edward!" Bella called out as she looked over at me, our eyes meeting, and a small smile escaping her lips. I waited for her to speak while she glanced around, appearing to be uncertain as to her location. I wondered if she had forgotten about our evening together, but I was determined to remain calm and, for once, not assume the worst as Bella appeared to re-acclimate herself to her surroundings. After a few moments, recognition seemed to register in her all-consuming brown eyes.

"It wasn't a dream?" she asked in a barely audible whisper.

"I don't know. What was your dream about?" I asked, feeling relieved that she was awake again and a bit amused by the entire situation.

"What?" Bella looked over at me curiously.

I longed to know her thoughts, to be able to hear what was in her mind, but she remained a mystery, an enigma. Would I ever truly understand Bella?

I waited patiently and after a few moments, she asked, "Did we really have dinner together?"

I was pleased that she had remembered the time we shared while she ate, but I was more interested in discovering whether or not she recalled the events immediately preceding her fainting spell.

"Yes. Do you remember anything else?"

Bella did not verbally respond, but glorious shades of pinks and reds spread across the apples of her cheeks, providing all the answer I needed. I was, however, unprepared for the unexpected and overwhelming feelings which began to eclipse all rational thought. I felt my hands move of their own accord, wanting to touch her, but I refrained from doing so as I pushed aside the repugnant desires before speaking.

"I'm glad you're alright. You gave me quite a scare when you fainted," I said, focusing on her eyes, stilling my hands until I was absolutely certain which part of myself was in control. Was it the gentleman or the degenerate? At this point, I was uncertain.

As I watched her heavenly face, her heart began to race, her breathing almost too fast. I was concerned she would hyperventilate as her gaze moved away from my face and down toward my hand which rested on the edge of the seat. Without any warning, one of her hands came to rest on top of mine, her creamy delicate skin warming my icy flesh. It was apparent that Bella felt the difference in the tone and temperature of our hands, and I wondered if she, too, was experiencing the tingling vibrations that were focused where our fingers met. For a moment, I thought she would shy away, but Bella always did the unexpected. Instead of removing herself from me, in fear of our differences, she looked up and all I could do was smile – grin actually – at how lucky I was. I had been so afraid that she would run away screaming at the realization of how different we were that I had never allowed myself to truly believe that what made us different could bring us together. Could I finally permit myself to believe that Bella and I would be together? Possibly. Could I let go of the anxiety that I had held on to for so long regarding our future? Probably not. I wanted desperately to believe in what I felt and what Alice had seen, but the truth was, I was a coward. Yet, Bella made me want to be so much more; perhaps, Alice's vision could become a reality.

Acknowledging to myself that I no longer feared her reaction to the temperature of my hand, while recognizing that I was, at least in control for the moment, I reached forward, cradling ever so carefully, her cheek with the palm of my free hand. As Bella closed her eyes, a peaceful expression emanated from her face. She had always been beautiful, but never more so than at that moment. Our bodies seemed to move closer together, almost involuntarily, and as she sighed, her lips parted.

Suddenly, the overpowering desires returned and I wanted, needed her beyond comprehension. I struggled to suppress the abhorrent thoughts that ran through my mind while both my inner monster and deviant fought for control. The gentleman that I had been only wanted to kiss her soft, warm fragile mouth, yet it took every bit of restraint I could muster to not ravish her right then and there. My mind and body were warring against each other and I was slowly losing the tenuous hold I had over myself. I needed to feel her body against mine, but I refused to give in to the nearly overwhelming lust. I was better than that. She deserved so much more, but even the air surrounding us seemed to have changed, becoming electrically charged, which further stimulated my already overly aroused senses.

There was a connection, a force, an irresistible, hypnotic physical energy that was drawing me to her. All the loneliness, emptiness I had felt over the past eighty-six years seemed to have mysteriously vanished. If I felt these things, surely Bella did as well. Would she comprehend the meaning of what was happening? In time, I would help her come to the realization that I could not survive without her. She was mine and I was hers.

"Isabella," I whispered, my cool breath flowing over her as she shivered. Was she cold or did she detect the chemistry that seemed to surround us? I watched her for a moment as she glanced down, appearing to study her tiny, fragile, delicate hands when the longing inside, stemming from both the monster and the man, took over and I could no longer restrain myself. I removed my hand from her cheek and ever so cautiously slid my fingertips down her face, tenderly grazing the soft skin behind her ear before my hand continued its journey down the side of her neck.

I could feel her pulse point under my fingers as the demon rattled his cage and roared in delight while the man that I had been experienced sensations I had previously subdued and which were relatively unknown to me – Bella was so very sensual, desirable, alluring. My hand followed a trail until it came to rest at the back of her neck, as the smooth, shiny tendrils of her mahogany hair flowed over my hand like a curtain, my fingertips hovering precariously over her delicate skin.

The air around us was magnetic and, as I watched Bella sitting perfectly still, I wished more than anything that I could hear her silent mind. What was she thinking? Did she long for me as I did for her? She seemed to struggle with her breathing, as if she was consciously having to think about such an involuntary, autonomic reaction to her body's need for air when, unanticipatedly, I detected a slight change to her scent. The new aroma which permeated the air was not immediately recognizable, but it did not take long for me to realize what it was.

Was it possible that Bella was aroused? I could not deny what my senses had detected as I inhaled the intoxicatingly musky scent of her passion.

Bella's breath became ragged and her heart pounded as I felt her wildly hammering pulse. It was evident from her face that she was struggling with something – was she fighting against the same overwhelming sensations as I? If so, it appeared she was not having any better luck than I at subduing those needs.

"The blush on your cheeks is lovely," I murmured in a useless effort to distract myself from the urges that were pounding on the proverbial door, gently freeing my left hand from underneath hers as I cupped her face between the palms of my hands. The monster grinned at me evilly, urging me forward as the venom flowed freely in my mouth. I gulped it back instantly, with little thought. The demon, although loud, would not taste Bella's blood. At least not now. Not today.

If that were not enough, the man continued to want something else entirely from Bella while the battle raged between the gentleman my human parents had raised and the degenerate who wanted nothing more than to ravish Bella's body. At this moment, it was unclear who would win, but I knew I could not remain balanced on the edge of this precipice much longer.

"Be very still," I whispered.

She became motionless, as still as humanly possible, while I continued to breathe in her captivating fragrance, doing everything I could to restrain the bloodthirsty monster and the overarching passion I felt. After a moment, Bella looked up at me and I found myself peering deeply into her eyes, drowning in the depths of her gaze. I needed to think clearly, to regain some semblance of control. I tried to focus on the steady cadence of her heart, as the rhythmic thrumming centered me, grounded me, even as her enchanting essence drew me in. I tried to break away from the hold her beautiful brown orbs had over me, but found that I had little success as I continued watching her while ever so slowly leaning toward her, gently bringing her face closer to mine.

This was the moment I had longed for and, as I looked at her, I waited for a sign indicating whether I should pull away to give her more time, stop all together, or continue down the path of no return. I waited patiently, but when she remained still, I realized that she wanted this as much as I.

With nothing and no one left to stop me, I carefully, and ever so tenderly, caressed her warm, soft lips with mine, inhaling her stimulating aroma as I kept my mouth closed in order to protect her from my extremely sharp teeth. My hands seemed to have minds of their own as they made their way down her neck once more. Bella remained motionless, and after a moment, when I knew she was alright, when I was certain that I was truly in control of myself, I released her, swallowing back more venom, before sitting back in my seat. At that moment, I allowed myself to succumb to the joy and peace that filled my entire frozen being.

I was amazed, astonished, shocked, and stunned. I could not believe that I had just kissed my darling Bella. Although the venom flowed while the vile creature demanded my attention, I had managed to not lose control. I had not bitten her nor had I ravished her. I had remained the gentleman I was, even though it was not without great effort.

I had been so consumed with my thoughts that I failed to notice when Bella took her free hand, reached over and grabbed her arm.

"Ow!"

"Bella, why did you just pinch yourself?" I was floored. What in the world had she been thinking? I had done everything I could to protect her, keep her safe from harm and _she_ purposely injured herself? I looked at the red mark on her otherwise perfect, milky flesh and shook my head in absolute disbelief.

"I thought I was still dreaming," Bella answered shyly. She looked so precious, and I cherished her in every possible way. She may not have realized it yet, but she would, soon.

"I can assure you, love, that you are very much awake," I replied tenderly. "However, I probably should get you home."

All I wanted to do was hold her in my arms. I wanted to let go of all my hesitation and doubt and finally admit to her how much I loved her; I needed her to know that I could not wait to spend eternity with her. Our first kiss was fabulous and a wonderful place to begin, but I wanted more, so much more. I did not want to take her home, but I had to be responsible and it would do me no good if I were to cause her parents to worry. I was determined that we would see each other again and I did not want her father to become suspicious. However, returning her to Forks and leaving her, even for a short while, was going to be extremely difficult. She was so close, yet so far. I already felt a hollow ache in my frozen heart.

"Yeah, I suppose you're right," Bella replied before saying, "I wish –"

Abruptly she stopped and looked at me, yet she remained silent. I waited, giving her an opportunity to continue, but I was unable to just sit back and wait when I so desperately needed to hear what was in her mind.

"What do you wish?" I asked. "I'll do my best to give you anything and everything your heart desires," I stated, smiling as I took her tiny hands and kissed each one of her dainty knuckles before returning her petite hands to her lap, never removing my eyes from her face. She had stopped breathing for a moment before taking a deep breath, perhaps in an effort to resume a more normal breathing pattern, but she did not appear to be successful.

"Uh, it's nothing, really," Bella stammered as she glanced away from me.

It was quite apparent she wanted to ask me a question, yet she was not forthcoming. Did she still doubt my feelings for her? I had lived with the nothingness inside of me for so long that I was certain my jubilation and love for her had become blatantly obvious. Was I mistaken? Had I become so good at hiding my true feelings that Bella really did not see how deep my love for her truly was? Would she need to hear my words, as well?

"Bella, look at me," I said resolutely, but she did not comply.

I could smell the tears that were welling up in her eyes, something she obviously did not want me to see, as she stared out the window; however, as she sighed, a single, traitorous tear trickled down her cheek, leaving in its wake a slightly pink, shiny, salty trail. I was once again overwhelmed by her intoxicating fragrance, unable to refrain from touching her as I wiped the tiny droplet of water away from her face. Without thinking, I brought my finger to my nose, inhaling her tantalizing essence which was concentrated in that one pearly drop of water. The venom began to pool in the back of my throat as the burning erupted and the monster rattled his chains, glaring at me. Suddenly, I was unable to stop myself as I wrapped my tongue around my fingertip, licking, tasting, consuming that one tiny tear.

_Tasty?_

I was immediately repulsed by my actions, having never felt more monstrous than I did at that moment. Had Bella noticed my behavior? She suddenly shook her head, most likely in absolute disgust for me, but even then I could not keep myself from touching her chin, as I carefully turned her face toward mine. I wanted to reassure her that I would not harm her, when my phone rang.

"Alice," I muttered, feeling annoyed. If she had wanted to be helpful, she should have called _before_. I needed to apologize to Bella for my behavior and I didn't appreciate Alice's interruption.

"Well, it's nice to hear you, too," Alice said, amusement evident in her voice. "I'm on my way to take her home. The last thing you need is Chief Swan giving you the third degree. I've seen it, and it's not a pretty picture. And stop berating yourself. It was _just_ a tear. No harm was done – Bella's still alive and well," Alice stated before laughing as she hung up on me.

What was she thinking? Why did she mock me? Yes, it was a tear _this _time, but what about next time?

_Next time?_

I could never allow the grievous creature to taste any of Bella's bodily fluids ever again – he would be more determined than ever to break me, so he could taste her blood, but I would never allow it.

Bella had waited patiently while I had listened to Alice before returning the phone to my pocket. Bella did not seem upset with me, so I did not want to remind her of my deplorable behavior; instead of apologizing, I said, "We have a few more minutes. Alice is going to meet us here and take you home; she's concerned that your father will be upset if he sees me, especially as we haven't been properly introduced. It could bring up a lot of questions that neither one of us are prepared to answer."

"It's okay, Edward," Bella replied, her tone full of disappointment. Was she upset that our evening would soon be over? Would she want to see me again? Had she felt our connection? I needed confirmation one way or the other.

"Bella, I hope this won't be the last time we see or speak with one another. Unless you'd prefer not to see me –"

"What? No, impossible. Never," Bella said, shaking her head.

Wait – she did not want to see me again? Is that what she'd said? The reality of her rejection immediately took hold. She _had_ seen my animalistic behavior and was repulsed by it. How could I have been so foolish? Stupid was probably a more accurate description of my thoughtless actions. Why had Alice not warned me of the outcome of this scenario?

_You truly are nothing more than a monster._

I felt so dejected, downtrodden, ashamed. When I finally had the courage to look over at Bella, I realized that she seemed confused. Why? Her words were clear to me. Had she expected a fight, an argument? If she did not want me, I would not force myself upon her. Then, I heard her voice, and I was certain her words would tear me to shreds.

"Edward, I don't think I was clear. I mean, you surprised me and my words, my thoughts, got jumbled all together. What I meant to say was –".

I could not allow her to feel guilty. I was not sure how I would survive, but it was no longer her concern. I had wanted her to have a completely normal human life, and now she would. I should have found some solace in that fact, but I couldn't. Regardless, this was not about me. I had to make sure Bella did not agonize over the truth. She could not change her feelings, or lack thereof, for me. It was not her fault.

"Please, don't say anything else," I said. I tried to sound strong, but my voice wavered, allowing the anguish and despair to erupt to the surface as my icy heart fractured. "There's no need for to you explain."

She definitely appeared anxious as her heart rate increased. I did not want Bella to blame herself. What could I do to further convince her that, although I would always love her, she had a choice? I would not force her into a relationship with me. I heard Bella inhale deeply as she closed her eyes.

"Edward," she said, pausing before she continued. "Edward, I love you."

I blinked.

Twice.

Air escaped in a great rush from my gaping mouth. My icy, stone-cold heart swelled in my chest. The feeling of total and complete elation blazed through my body. Bella had repeated those words and she was awake. The magnitude of hope that her words ignited in me caused a smile to spread across my face. As ridiculous as it sounded, I actually felt like dancing. I wanted to shout to the sky as loudly as I could that Bella Swan loved me. And I loved her. I was ecstatic, but as I looked at Bella, I realized that she certainly did not seem as exhilarated as I.

Oh, for the love of all that was holy, I was a complete fool. She had verbalized her love for me and I had remained silent, relishing in my own happiness, not sharing my joy with the one person who meant the most to me. Her eyes remained closed, but as I prepared to speak, her eyes slowly opened, although she seemed to purposefully look in the other direction, away from me. After a few minutes, just as I was about to reach over to her, she finally peered over at me.

Her heart pounded in her chest as she stared at me with her mouth wide open.

I knew I needed to allay her fears and share the truth, which I hoped would give her as much happiness as she had just given me.

"Bella," I whispered. "You have no idea how long I've waited for you to speak those words."

I watched her, trying to decipher the thoughts that surely were racing around in her mind, but was totally taken aback when she replied with a sob, "I knew it. I _knew _I was dreaming."

I laughed. Perhaps we _were_ made for each other – two peas in a pod, both of us believing the worst possible scenarios.

"How can I put this so that you'll believe me? You're not asleep. I'm here. And . . ." I paused. This was the moment of truth. She loved me and now it was time she knew of my love and devotion for her. "I love you. I _have_ always loved you and I _will _always love you."

The reaction I expected was certainly not what I received. Bella never behaved predictably. I watched her in disbelief as she shook her head. Why could she not see the depth of my feelings for her? Suddenly tears began to escape down her cheeks from the corners of her eyes.

"You don't believe me, do you?" I asked, utterly dumbfounded.

"It doesn't make sense," she said, almost choking on her words.

"What do you mean by that?" Somehow she had managed to totally surprise me.

"Well, look at me," she said, waving her hand down the front of her wonderfully luscious body. "I'm absolutely ordinary, except for all the awful things that seem to happen to me or to the people around me. Oh, and let's not forget my clumsiness . . . it's so bad I'm practically disabled. Then, there's you."

Ordinary? Bella? The thought was unfathomable. She was extraordinary. Magnificent. Beautiful. There were so many adjectives to describe my Beloved and not one of them was normal or plain. Was she clumsy? Yes, but I found that endearing. And the way she regarded me was preposterous.

"You don't see yourself very clearly," I retorted quickly. "But you will, in time. I'll make certain of it."

One way or another I would make her understand, but first I would have to tell her my secret, or perhaps she would figure it out on her own. In either case, once she knew what I was, perhaps she would understand that there was no way I could exist without her. One day she would understand that she was the most exquisite, the absolutely most important thing in my world.

I knew that our time together was growing shorter as Alice was on her way, but I could not fathom the rest of the night without Bella. I knew I would need to see her again as soon as the sun came up, and I could only hope that Bella felt the same. Joy filled my frozen form when I heard her voice.

"Will you call me?"

"Of course, if you wish."

I would do anything and everything she asked, including leaving her if she so desired. I hoped that never came to pass, but whatever Bella wished for, I would provide.

"You also have my number, don't you?"

Bella nodded, but no words escaped her plump, pink lips. I needed to redirect my attention away from the fact that I wanted to kiss her again as my hunger for something other than her blood began to consume me once more.

"Until we figure out what to tell your parents, it might be wise for you to call me. The fewer questions they have, the better," I stated, as I used my best efforts to return tranquility to my mind, my thoughts. Thinking of her parents helped – a little.

"Uh, what is there to tell?" Bella asked before quietly saying. "I mean besides the obvious question regarding how I know you."

"Well, I thought we'd just established that we'll be seeing quite a bit of each other," I stated, hoping my intentions were clear. She had not rejected me so I had hope, as I awaited her response.

"I would like that very much," she replied, a smile spreading across her tempting mouth.

It was a relief to hear Bella's sweet, tender words, granting my wish to see her again, as I disembarked from the Vanquish and as I shut the driver side door, I heard Alice.

"_You seem rather happy. I suppose things are proceeding nicely."_

Alice arrived in Carlisle's Mercedes. Quietly I said, so only Alice could hear, "I'm sure you've already seen it, but yes, for now at least, it seems Bella would like to spend more time with me."

I walked quickly, perhaps a bit too quickly, around the front of the Vanquish. I knew I should have been more careful, but it was so easy to allow pieces of my façade to fall when I was around Bella, especially in light of the fact that I needed her to figure out the truth about what I truly was. Once at her door, I pulled it open, extended my hand and assisted Bella out of her seat. As I watched her, I realized that the tinted windows of the Mercedes were much too dark to allow her to see inside, as we walked together over to the front passenger door while Alice waited inside. I opened it, all the while remaining at her side, but I could not let her go so I picked up her hand before turning it over and kissing it. Although the sun had set, I could still see the faint glow as I smelled blood rush to her rosy cheeks. Bella was pure beauty at its very best and it was becoming extremely challenging to be apart from her.

"I would love to see you tomorrow," I stated when suddenly Bella inhaled a bit too quickly and began coughing. I could hear her struggle for her next breath and was unsure how to best assist her when suddenly she began to laugh. I looked over at Alice, who showed me that Bella would be alright in a moment, as she put up one hand, gesturing that I should give her an opportunity to regain her composure.

Alice, in an effort to ease my agitation, exited the car and came over to my side to stand in front of Bella, all the while giggling to herself. Bella must have heard Alice's quiet laughter because she turned to glare at my sister, but instead, Bella started laughing, again. What was going on? Was she going to be alright? I looked to Alice who just smiled, as she continued counting in multiples of thirteen. I wanted to demand that she tell me that Bella would be fine, when I heard Bella clear her throat before speaking.

"Edward, are you okay?"

"I think the better question is, are _you_ alright?" I asked.

"Yeah, it's nothing. I'm okay," Bella said as she continued giggling. I was still concerned, not at all convinced she was alright. After a moment, Alice started to walk back around to get into the Mercedes, but, then abruptly stopped. She had that far away look in her eyes, and I knew a vision was coming. I watched as two different scenarios played out – one, where I called Bella right as Renee returned from Seattle and, the second where Bella called me the following morning, after her father left for work.

"I think it would be best if you called Edward after your father leaves in the morning. Feel free to call anytime after eight," Alice stated. I watched Bella as she contemplated Alice's words.

"That's much too early to call," Bella replied. She most likely believed that she would be waking someone up if she called at such an early hour, so I felt inclined to reassure her that was not the case.

"It's fine," I stated, smiling. "We're all early risers. Feel free to call whenever you wake up." No matter what I desired, it was her choice – it always had been. Even if Alice's visions continued to find Bella and me together, it would always be on Bella's terms. Of course, I would have done anything and everything necessary to convince her, but in the end, she would be required to make the choice to accept or reject a life, an existence with me.

"Okay, if you're sure...," Bella said as she smiled.

I started to relax once Bella had agreed to call. She was about to take her seat in the Mercedes when I could no longer stop myself as I leaned down toward her, her face suddenly right there, next to mine. Her beauty would have taken my breath away if it were possible. As it was, her magnificence was stunning, overwhelming, and I was unable to refrain from once more cradling her face between my hands as I sensed the electricity that surrounded us. The urge to take her right there was so powerful that had it not been for Alice, I feared Bella would have met her demise

"_No, Edward. Stop. You don't want to hurt her. You need some time, some space. Everything will be fine. Just say good-night and then go hunt. You'll have so much more control later."_

I knew Alice was right, yet the pull, the longing, and despicably, the lust, were confounding, and most shameful, yet I seemed unable to maintain any semblance of control, even though Alice had warned me. Bella's face remained directly in front of mine; she didn't move as I felt her hesitation. Her eyes were closed, but as they opened, I found myself gazing into her chocolate brown orbs in an attempt to determine what she wanted. If she proceeded to sit down or if she pushed me away some how, I would leave. Otherwise, I would give her what she wanted; what I _needed_. Then, much to my surprise, Bella gave a slight nod of her head.

I stared deeply into her captivating eyes, allowing my breath to caress her face. And then, ever so slowly, I closed the slight gap between us and kissed her, as her soft, tender lips melded with mine. Just as the first time, the venom accumulated in my mouth while the fire burned in the back of my throat, but that was not what caught me off guard. Instead, my quiet, innocent, pure angel seemed to lose control. Her hands found their way into my hair as she stood on her toes and pulled at the strands. I was certain she was using quite a bit of force, although I barely felt it at all. What I did feel, however, was her warm breath on my face as she gasped for air. Her heart was racing and I could almost see the blood as it ran through her veins. Her actions shocked me as I felt her soft, supple body press further into mine, causing a reaction in my nether regions that I was unprepared for.

I had to stop this before it got out of hand as the beast urged me forward, rubbing his hands together gleefully, a wicked grin slowly spreading across his face, while the less than genteel man inside sneered at me with lust filled eyes. I could not permit either monster to win. So as not to hurt Bella, I very slowly took a step back, while still maintaining a relaxed hold on her.

I could see she was beyond embarrassed by her actions as she attempted to wiggle free from my grasp. I was certain she was trying to hide, but I would have none of that. It pleased me that she seemed to desire me, even though from now on, I would have to be even more careful. It was challenging enough to contain the monster within, but I now had to restrain the man who wanted Bella's body and, it seemed, I also had to concern myself with Bella's desires. It felt like I was fighting a losing battle, but one I _had_ to win.

"I'm sorry," she suddenly said, although there was no reason for her to apologize. She was precious and I couldn't help but smile as I replied.

"Mmm, that was interesting," I said softly as I removed my hands from Bella's fragile frame.

Bella looked down and seemed to be poking at something on the ground with the toe of her shoe, but I imagined it was more or less a nervous reaction to the situation in which she found herself because there was absolutely nothing on the ground for her to poke, kick, or prod.

"I, uh, didn't mean to react that way," she mumbled.

I needed to put her mind at ease. She didn't need to feel embarrassed or ashamed. I loved her and she loved me. We just needed to be careful because I refused to harm her. Once she understood what I was and the dangers that my strength posed to her should I ever lose control, she would understand. We just needed a bit more time to get acclimated with each other while the details fell into place.

"It's quite alright," I replied. "It was just unexpected."

"You can say that again," she muttered under her breath.

"I didn't say I didn't like it," I laughed as she looked up at me, the blood rushing to her cheeks as the most fabulous blush spread across her face.

"I'm stronger than I thought," I said softly, pleased that I had been able to contain all of my urges, in addition to Bella's. I was slightly amused by the entire situation as I found myself quietly chuckling.

Alice had spent most of her time blocking me from her mind, although, I had been rather preoccupied with Bella. So, it hadn't surprised me that I had almost forgotten she was there until I heard her clear her throat. Then she laughed before she said, "I really think it's time for Bella to go home."

Bella nodded her head in agreement, but the look on her face seemed to indicate something else entirely. She looked so sweet, so innocent, that my mouth seemed to move of its own accord and smiled. Then, as the gentleman that I was re-emerged, I opened the door for her as she took a seat before I gently shut the door behind her. Alice lowered the window, allowing me to lean in. I carefully kissed Bella on the ear before whispering, "You are my life now."

Alice began to pull the Mercedes back onto the street and I saw Bella wave, a stunned look on her face, before I retreated to the Vanquish in silence; however, before they were too far for me to hear, I heard Alice say to Bella, "You like him a lot, don't you?"

Although Bella remained silent, I was able to see her face from Alice's vantage point. Bella was looking at Alice with the most peculiar expression on her face, causing me to grin.

"You think?" Bella replied sarcastically.

"Everything is coming together nicely," Alice mused.

Before I could hear anything else, they were out of range. I was tempted to follow, but decided to return home and then, perhaps, go hunting.

**-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o**

I heard Alice's thoughts as she came down the long driveway, before she pulled into the garage.

"_Edward, from the conversation that Bella and I had on the way to her house, I think she is very close to figuring things out. I'm not sure what will finally cause her to discover the truth about us, but I don't think it will be much longer, and I want to talk to you about the wolves. I'll be there in a second."_

With the knowledge of Bella being on the verge of the truth, we needed to spend more time with her so that when she discovered our secret, we would hopefully be with her to soften the blow. More interestingly, however, was Alice's interest in the wolves.

As she came into the house, Jasper was clearly unhappy, as evidenced by his thoughts.

"_I know Alice is committed to seeing this through with Edward and Bella, but I really miss our time alone together."_

I did my best to ignore his thoughts as they became more intimate when Alice called me to join them in the living room where Carlisle was already waiting.

"What news do you have about the wolves?" I asked, anxious to find out if Bella was in any danger, listening for clues in Alice's thoughts.

"_I'm sure she'll be fine, I just don't like not _seeing _what's coming and I don't want Edward to overreact."_

That thought alone caused me concern, but I did my best to rein in my anxiety as Alice spoke.

"Do you recall the day you saw Bella at the pier?" she asked, knowing full well I remembered that day only too vividly.

"Of course," I replied dryly; she knew that, with our perfect recollection, none of us ever forgot anything and I was certain at least Carlisle knew precisely what Alice was referring to, as well.

"What I meant was the _entire _day? When you followed Bella to the treaty line and I called you because her future disappeared?" Alice asked anxiously.

"Yes, yes, I remember. What are you trying to say?" I asked feeling rather irritated, impatient. Why couldn't she just get to the point? I had not seen Alice quite so agitated in some time which was why it was imperative that I understand what was worrying her so I could take the proper precautions to protect Bella.

"On the drive back to Bella's house, she told me about the friend who she got into a fight with –"

"Jacob Black," I stated. I knew this already. It was nothing new. "What about him?"

"Well," Alice said. "If you would stop interrupting me, I'd finish." She huffed and crossed her arms across her chest.

"_Edward, can you stop being a self-centered ass for one minute?"_ Apparently Jasper was a bit more annoyed that I'd realized.

"Sorry," I muttered in a meager attempt to placate both of them, even though I didn't feel sorry at all.

"Well, I was initially afraid that when her future disappeared, something bad had happened to her, but then you saw her, and followed her to the pier. Of course, she could have gotten fatally injured had you not been there to save her, but I didn't see her future disappear in Port Angeles. I saw everything vanish while she was on the reservation, most likely at Jacob Black's house. The strange thing is, I've seen Bella with Jacob in the past, so I know I can see him when his future is commingled with Bella's. What would have caused that to change?"

"That's an interesting question," Carlisle said, a calculating look on his face. _"I wonder –"_ abruptly halting whatever it was he was thinking.

I looked at him questioningly, but his mind remained silent, so I returned my attention to Alice.

"Has there ever been a time where you couldn't see our futures?" I asked inquisitively, although I already knew her answer.

"No – never," Alice replied. "I don't understand why her future would disappear like that."

"Perhaps you can see _us_ because we're all vampires," Carlisle mused.

"That would make sense," Alice said. "But what about Bella?"

"Well, you were human once upon a time," I interjected.

"Precisely what I was thinking," Carlisle stated.

"So why do you suppose she couldn't see Bella that one particular time?" Jasper asked, his mind giving away his concern. Jasper, with his military background, was logical, methodical and detailed oriented. When it came to the unknown, Jasper would use all possible strategies needed to solve the problem, and, most of the time he was successful. However, not having ever dealt with werewolves before, he was leery and worried about how they might affect Alice's visions.

"Do you suppose there are certain members of the tribe that I can't see? Perhaps one of them had been at the Black's home when Bella arrived – that could explain why everything vanished."

I had no idea whether or not that was possible, but Alice seemed to need to find some sort of explanation for her blindness.

"_It was very disconcerting not being able to see Bella. I have got to figure out what occurred and why. We can't let anything happen to her. It would be too much for Edward to handle."_

I did not respond to my sister because I was troubled as well, and the thought of losing Bella made me cringe.

"I really have no idea why you would be able to see some members of the tribe and not others, unless there is some connection between the wolves and your blindness," Carlisle suggested.

"Hmm, that's an interesting thought," I said. "That theory might indicate that one or more of them have already begun to shift, and when Bella visited the reservation, she was too close in proximity, thus negating Alice's talent."

I shuddered to think that Bella could have been that close to a werewolf, alone and unprotected, as I continued, "I wish there was a way to determine that with certainty – some way for us to confirm whether or not your theory is correct. Regardless, I don't want Bella around them, especially if Alice can't see them, and as we are not able to enter onto tribal lands without breaking the treaty, it's much too dangerous for Bella to be there alone."

"From the way she was talking about Jacob Black, I don't think that's something you need to worry about," Alice said. "By the way, I think you should call Bella in the morning since neither of her parents will be home. It seems to me that she's still reluctant to call you."

"Thanks, Alice," I said smiling. "Perhaps she's a little old-fashioned like me, after all. A gentleman should always be the one to call upon a lady, not the other way around."

Alice rolled her eyes and snorted as I saw in her head the image of me calling Bella at approximately eight-thirty the following morning.

"When you're sure, let me know. For now, I'm going hunting," I said as I got up off the couch and looked around at my family.

"Better yet, I think we should go see her. It would be a nice surprise," Alice replied.

"I don't believe Bella likes surprises," I said.

"She'll like this one," Alice stated happily, grinning from one ear to the other, before thinking, _"Don't keep her waiting."_

**-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o**

I had returned home just as the sun was rising. Alice had decided that we would go see Bella, but that we should call her after we were on our way to Forks so she would not be totally surprised at our arrival. I was not sure what would happen once we arrived at Bella's home, but that didn't bother me. There were many different decisions that could be made, so the possible futures seemed endless and Alice preferred to keep things to herself until she had a better idea of what was going on, especially where I was concerned. Alice knew as well, or better, than anyone else, how I tended to overreact – my sister was very wise when it came to handling me and she often did so with kid gloves.

Upon returning to the house, I spent some time reading until I decided to clean up. I still had quite a while before we would leave for Forks, but I wanted to be prepared just in case I would be seeing Bella sooner than Alice had originally anticipated. After I had showered and changed my clothes, I was not at all surprised to hear Alice before she knocked at my bedroom door.

"_Edward, I can't really get a good handle on my vision – it keeps changing – but in each scenario, Bella disappears unless we get to her house quickly." _

I could hear the apprehension in Alice's voice.

"What are we waiting for?" I asked, as I quickly pulled on my socks and shoes before grabbing my wallet, keys and phone. "Let's go now," I prompted her urgently.

We took the Volvo and while I drove, we discussed the possible implications of Alice's sightlessness. We weren't certain whether or not Jacob Black had become a wolf; however, it was a fairly safe guess, although we had no idea if any of the other Quileute boys had phased. I had not smelled the disgustingly putrid scent of wolf around Bella's home or anywhere around Forks which led me to believe that either Jacob was the only one thus far, or the few that there were had remained on the reservation. I had not been near the treaty line since the day of Bella's injury and subsequent hospital visit.

Since Bella's future had only ever vanished when she had been around Jacob Black, it seemed logical to assume that he was somehow involved. Had he decided to go to her home? I saw various scenarios play out in Alice's mind all of which involved a young man who I assumed was a Quileute. Each time he appeared at Bella's house, she left with him, although in some instances it was against her will, as she was kicking and screaming; however, it was _not_ Jacob Black. Who was that boy, where did he plan to take Bella and why did her future vanish?

"Alice, that's not the Black boy," I said, gritting my teeth in aggravation.

"I didn't think so, but who else could it be?" she asked.

"I don't know, but how much longer do I have to wait before I call her?" I was becoming more anxious with each passing second.

"It's almost time," she replied.

**-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o**

The phone rang only once before being answered. I expected to hear Bella's dulcet tone, but instead was greeted by a rather unpleasant huff.

"Hello?"

"Bella? Bella, sweetheart, are you alright? What's troubling you?"

"Oh. Hi, Edward. It's nothing. I just wasn't expecting you to call," Bella replied, sounding a bit relieved.

"Yes, well, this morning Alice told me that she didn't think you would call and since your parents aren't home, there wouldn't be anyone around to ask questions, so –"

"Thank you, Edward, I'm glad you did," Bella said, interrupting my ramblings.

I still needed to tell her that we were on our way without letting her know that Alice had seen something. I didn't want to scare or startle her.

"So what has you so bothered this early in the morning?" I asked lovingly.

"It's nothing you need to worry about, Edward, honestly," she sighed. It was obvious, even through the telephone, that she had a lot on her mind. All I wanted to do was take her away, protect her, love her. She needed to know.

"Anything that upsets you _is_ my concern," I replied, adamantly.

Just then I heard a knock on Bella's front door and, as I turned to look at Alice, her mind ran through a scenario of the same boy she had seen earlier, forcibly removing Bella from her home and taking her to the reservation where her future instantly disappeared.

"No!" Alice screamed. "Edward, tell her not to open the door!"

Fearing that Alice's outburst had scared Bella, I tried to decide what to say to keep her calm. I was certain she had heard Alice, but I was unsure exactly how afraid she might be until I heard her.

"Edward, why doesn't Alice want me to answer the door?" Bella asked, fear plainly evident in her words.

"Just stay where you are. I'll be there in a few minutes," I stated hastily.

"What? Where are you?" she asked.

I needed to explain why we were on our way to her house, only now was not the time. Ensuring her safety was my first priority. I would have to stall as much as possible.

I realized that Bella must have been standing fairly close to the door, because the next thing I heard through the phone was a male voice, shouting.

"Bella, I know you're home. Open the door. I need to talk to you!"

"Edward, it's just Sam, one of the boys from the reservation," Bella said, sounding fractionally less stressed, although I had no idea why. Apparently she didn't feel threatened by him, even though he was carrying on like a louse.

"He used to hang out at Jacob's house. He's probably just upset because his girlfriend left him and started dating Jacob. He thinks I can do something to help him get Leah back because ... well, Sam thinks Jake and I were more than friends."

The volume of Bella's voice lowered suddenly, almost as if she were afraid to tell me about her feelings, or lack thereof, for _him_. Did she truly think I would be upset because _he _had desired more than she was willing to give? I was overjoyed, but of course she did not know that. Nor was she aware that I was only too familiar with her relationship with her former friend.

Although I had never thought the Black boy would harm her, I knew nothing of the lunatic on her doorstep.

"Bella, please go to your room and lock the door. I'm almost there. As soon as we arrive, I'll give Alice the phone so you'll know when it will be safe to unlock the door and let her in. Everything's going to be alright. I promise," I said, firmly. I didn't want to frighten her, but she needed to hear the concern, the angst in my voice. She needed to comprehend the danger she was in.

"Oh, okay," she said as I continued to hear banging and the shouting persisted.

"Bella, you did this. It's all your fault. If you would have given Jacob what he wanted, Leah wouldn't have left me!"

I could hear the boy's irate yelling through the phone, the sound getting lower as she climbed the stairs to her room.

Although I was not ready to meet Bella's father, it was unfortunate that he was not home. I was certain the Quileute boy who was currently harassing Bella would not have done so if her father would have been there. As we drew nearer, Alice no longer saw the boy taking Bella away; it seemed things had changed. Nevertheless I remained worried. Bella had been quiet, although I could still hear her breathing. I, however, needed reassurance that she was alright.

"Love, are you there? Are you okay? We're in Forks now so it will only be another moment before we arrive at your house. Where are you now?" I asked anxiously. Alice had seen Bella holed up on her bed, but I had to hear it from Bella herself.

"I'm in my room," she whispered just as we pulled into her driveway, the tires of the Volvo squealing loudly while Alice and I hurriedly exited the car causing the Quileute boy to stare at us in silence.

"_I'll go to Bella,"_ Alice thought. _"You take care of _him_."_

I nodded and handed Alice the phone as we both walked toward the door while the boy stumbled down the steps in a meager attempt to run away.

"Bella, it's Alice. We're here. Come down and unlock the front door. I'll come in while Edward speaks with Sam privately."

Alice hung up the phone and quickly returned it to me. As she approached Bella's front door, I positioned myself between them so Alice could enter the house safely as I directed my attention to Sam.

"What's your hurry?" I asked calmly upon hearing his terrified thoughts.

"_Crap, who are they? What are they doing here? That dude is scary looking. I didn't realize Bella had such weird friends. I've got to get out of here."_

"I . . . I . . . need to leave," he stuttered, his eyes about to bulge out of his head.

"I don't think so," I said, giving him an evil grin. "At least not until you tell me what business you have with Bella Swan."

"_He doesn't look all that strong. I might be able to take him, but then again, maybe not. Why risk it? I'll just leave and try to see Bella again later."_

I would make sure that never happened, but I was not quite ready for him to leave. He needed to know with a surety that he was not welcome at Bella's home.

"Uh, I just wanted to talk to Bella. We're, uh, friends," he replied, nervously.

"Really? I find it interesting that she's never mentioned you before," I said smoothly.

"We're not . . . close friends," the boy stammered.

"So, what's your name?" I asked. Of course I knew who he was, but he was unaware of my conversation with Bella.

"_Why does he want to know who I am? Is he going to call Chief Swan and file_ _a police report? I haven't done anything . . . well, at least not yet. I wonder if dragging Bella to the reservation would have been considered kidnapping. I guess I didn't think this through very well. Not that it's any of his business. . ."_

"What's it to you?" he asked petulantly.

I could not believe what I was hearing. My fury began to swell and I was sure I no longer appeared as calm as I had intended. I would not hurt him, but he was never going to consider approaching my Bella ever again.

"I asked you nicely once. Now, I'm demanding. What. Is. Your. Name?" I asked as the insignificant boy began to comprehend that I was a bit more dangerous than I had originally appeared.

"_Holy shit! What's up with this guy? I thought people turned red in the face when they got angry? This guy just got even whiter. And his eyes – they're freaky. I wonder . . ."_

"Um, I'm, uh, Sam. Sam Uley. Did Bella call you? I didn't mean to scare her. I'm sorry. Can I go now?" Sam rambled, his thoughts nearly as chaotic as his words.

"What business did you have with her?" I asked firmly, leaving no doubt that I expected an answer.

He watched me as his breathing became ragged, his heart rate elevated and I was certain his body temperature had risen a few degrees while we talked. As I was about to insist that he answer my question, an excruciatingly repulsive odor hit me. That's when I saw Sam trembling. His eyes became wide as the level of adrenaline that coursed through his system increased rapidly, too fast for the typical human.

"_What the hell is happening to me? I've got to get home. Maybe I should go and see Harry. I feel like I'm burning up and I think I'm going to puke."_

His thoughts were wild and erratic. Could it be possible that this boy was beginning the process of becoming a werewolf? If that was indeed what was happening, he needed to return to the reservation _immediately_. I could not risk him being anywhere near Bella should he lose control.

"Leave. Now," I said ferociously. "Do _not _come near Bella Swan again. I will know if you try to see her and our next conversation will not be as pleasant. Do you understand me?"

He nodded as he ran toward his car which was parked at the end of the street, swearing to himself the whole time. I would need to advise Carlisle of what had occurred. I thought perhaps I was calming down, but when I thought about how Bella could have been near him when he phased for the first time, my hatred got the better of me and I was unable to hold in the snarl that escaped my chest. I was certain Alice had heard me, but perhaps Bella did not.

I needed to call Alice, to tell her that I was going for a short run to release some of my fury, but before she could answer I heard footsteps on the stairs just as Alice shouted.

"Bella, wait!"

I saw it just before it happened. Bella tumbled down several steps. At least she didn't see how fast Alice ran to unlock the door, allowing me entrance before kneeling down next to Bella, as I tried to make eye contact with her. I did not want my actions to surprise her, but I was unable to leave her on the floor so I picked her up as I anxiously asked, "Bella, are you okay? Where does it hurt?"

I watched, waited, but she didn't speak. All sorts of fears began to run through my mind as I thought of all the possible internal injuries she might have sustained. I looked over at Alice, but could not read her thoughts. I was beginning to panic. Perhaps Alice did not want me to know the extent of Bella's injuries.

"She's fine, Edward. Calm down." Alice looked from Bella to me with a smile on her face, rolling her eyes.

"_Do you think I would have allowed you to waste time standing there like a fool if she had truly experienced some life threatening injuries? Really, Edward. You need to have more faith in me."_

Bella was rubbing her knees and elbows, before touching her head. I watched as she flinched just a bit. I knew she had some bumps and bruises, but it could have been far worse. Bella was still in my arms when she finally spoke.

"Edward, you can put me down now," she said, looking up at me. It took all the strength I had not to kiss her.

Alice turned her head and looked over at me. She had seen it, and she mouthed 'no' as I watched the future unfold. Bella, too happily, accepted my kiss and, as her enthusiasm increased, so did her heart rate and her breathing, causing her to take our kiss to a whole other level. I closed my eyes, hoping Alice would stop the images, as they played out in her mind like a movie. I lost only a tiny amount of control, but I broke Bella's arm as I squeezed her too hard, too fast.

I was horrified by my actions. I needed to leave. Her sensual scent was overpowering me once again. However, at that exact moment I heard Bella whisper.

"Is Sam gone?"

"Yes," I replied, doing my best to rein in the sensations coursing through me. "And he won't be coming back anytime soon."

This was not how I had envisioned our day together. I was repulsed by my actions, and at my inability to protect Bella from myself. Alice was trying to mentally console me, but I would have none of that as my inner demon began to delight in my self-loathing.

Hearing Bella's sweet, innocent voice elicited both pleasure and pain.

"Did he say what he wanted?" she asked nervously.

I wondered if she had any idea what grave danger she was in. She would have been better off if I had stayed away. I waited for Alice to respond, but then realized that, although Alice had heard every word exchanged between Sam and myself, there was no way for her to explain that to Bella so I was forced to respond to her question.

"You were right. He blames you for Leah breaking up with him and he was determined to drag you back to the reservation, to Jacob Black's house, until you straightened out the mess he believes you made. I'm just glad that Alice suggested we come by to see you this morning. I don't know what I would have done if something had happened to you," I responded through clenched teeth while curling my hands into fists, hoping that it would help me keep my hands to myself.

"_Edward, you must remain in control. I'll try to find a way for you to get outside so you can settle down, but all I can see right now is that Bella is going to attempt to comfort you. Unfortunately, she hasn't decided what the best course of action is for her to take to make you feel better," _Alice thought.

"Edward, I would have been okay. I know Sam was pissed off, but even if I had gone with him to Jacob's house, I'm sure Jake's dad would have talked some sense into him and explained everything. I never suspected Sam had such a temper, but he never would have hurt me. He was just upset that he lost the girl he's been in love with for years to a younger guy who he thought was his friend. Apparently I wasn't the only one Jacob betrayed," Bella said as she tried to explain away my anger.

If she only knew the real reason for my angst, and it was not that sorry excuse for a human. It was me. I could not lose control, I had to remain calm, but between thinking about how Sam could have harmed her and my own foolish actions, it was taking every bit of strength I could muster to remain composed.

"Bella, if he had hurt you, I don't know if I would have been able to control myself," I whispered as I suddenly realized we had walked ever so slowly toward Bella's living room. I watched with bated breath as Bella stepped toward the couch. I was sure she had expected us to follow her, but I needed to get out of the house before anything happened.

I had assumed Bella would take a seat, but she surprised me as she turned around and returned to where I stood. I remained still, not daring to move, refusing to touch her. Alice kept showing me images proving that because I was aware of the possibility of Bella's impassioned behavior, I would be extremely careful and no harm would befall Bella, but I could not take any chances when it came to her well-being. Alice continued to show me numerous scenarios which all concluded without incident, yet I would not budge from my decision. I needed fresh air, pure and simple.

Returning my attention to Bella, it became apparent that Alice and I had been much too preoccupied with our mental exchange to notice Bella, until she reached out her arms for me and gently caressed my face with her tiny, tender, soft, warm hands.

The urges coursing through my body were mortifying, as the lower part of me reacted instinctively to Bella's gentle caresses in the most inappropriate fashion. It was all I could do to remain gentlemanly. That was, until I heard her tantalizing voice.

"Edward, please look at me," Bella implored. I could no longer prevent my eyes from returning to her alluring gaze, as I saw myself from Alice's viewpoint. My eyes were pitch black and since I was not thirsty, that could mean only one thing.

Want.

Desire.

I was filled with cravings, impulses, and a mating drive stronger than anything I had experienced the previous evening.

Or ever.

It seemed as if my insides were burning, but the fiery sensation was simultaneously both torturous and pleasurable. Apparently Bella was unprepared for the intensity of my gaze because I heard her gasp when she apparently noticed the color of my eyes. It was all becoming too much for me to handle so I forced myself to close my eyes and still my breathing.

"Are you okay?" Bella asked, her voice hesitant, unsure of what had caused my unresponsiveness.

I prayed that she would remove her hands, but she continued to hold my face between her dainty fingers. She had no idea of the exquisite, yet arduous gratification I experienced at just the slightest movements of her fingers against my frozen exterior, and the passion her tender touches provoked in me. Much to my joy and chagrin, Bella leaned her body closer to mine. I was terrified that she would push herself up against me and discover my shameful reaction to her, and knowing I could not permit her to get too close, I placed my hands gingerly on her hips, stilling her movements.

I could feel her relax under my grasp as I constantly had to remind myself not to place too much pressure on her delicate frame. I was much too consumed with both her blood and her body, and I prayed to anyone, anything, that I would be able to contain the beast within as well the man who desired the glorious woman in front of me. But I felt I was fighting a losing battle.

"Edward, open your eyes. _Please_," Bella begged.

The tenuous hold I had over my sanity was slipping. The silence in the room was deafening, but finally Alice spoke.

"Bella, he's going to be fine. He was _really_ worried about you and Edward has quite a temper. Fortunately, he remained in control while he spoke with Sam, but it was not without a lot of effort. Edward's just feeling a little overwhelmed right now, but he'll be alright in a minute. Why don't you and I go sit down and talk while he goes outside to get some fresh air?"

Bella's hands fell away from my face as she took a step back. I thought she understood, but I was terribly mistaken. I always seemed to be wrong when it came to interpreting her reactions as I longed to see what was in her mind. Suddenly, I saw Alice's vision in which we were gone and Bella was sobbing uncontrollably in her room. What had happened? Although mere milliseconds had passed, it seemed like an eternity until Bella spoke, her voice caught in a sob.

"Go. Both of you – just leave. Please. I can't go through this again. I don't know what I continually do to make you angry with me, but the anguish and despair I endure every time you leave is too much for me to handle. I have lost every friend I've ever had, nearly every person I've ever loved, so it's not surprising that you're no different. Please, just go."

Leave? I may have needed fresh air, but leave? Never. Suddenly I no longer needed the clean air to eradicate the scents wafting around the room – my concern for Bella outweighed any war waging inside of me. I looked over at her and watched helplessly as she wrapped her arms around her body, ran to the couch and slumped into it, before curling up into a ball.

I listened to Alice, but she seemed as dumbstruck as I was when it occurred to me what could have happened. Bella must have felt the same nagging pain I experienced every time I was away from her. It was challenging enough for me, a vampire, to handle; it would have been much to overwhelming for a mere mortal. I was an idiot, a fool, to have stayed away from her for as long as I had.

"Bella, I'm so, so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?" I begged. "I didn't realize my actions had caused you so much anguish."

All I could do now was hope and pray she would find it in her delicate heart to forgive me. Yet the fact that she did not move or open her eyes did not provide me with much hope. I considered leaving, not wanting to cause Bella any more distress when I heard Alice.

"_No, Edward. You can't leave. That's her worst fear coming true. Go to her. Show her that you're not going to let her be alone. Just hold her. That's what she needs. I see it now."_

I took a deep breath before walking over to my precious girl. She remained curled up, her eyes closed, so I very carefully, gently, lifted her up before bringing her to rest in my lap. She seemed to instinctively lean into me, so I wrapped my arms around her and just waited. I felt her shudder as her heart rate picked up before she turned her head and opened her eyes. Our faces were so close I could feel her warm breath on my lips, her scent drifting directly into my nostrils, causing the aroma to find its way to the back of my throat, inciting the burn again, but I didn't move. I didn't care that my throat was on fire because she was suffering and I would not cause her any additional hardships.

The expressions on her face ran the gamut – fear, anxiety, sadness and concern. There was nothing I wanted to do more than ease her burden, but not wanting to say the wrong thing, I just pulled her a little closer as I attempted to make her more secure in my arms. I hoped she would understand how much I cared, and I was relieved when she nuzzled her head under my chin. It seemed we fit perfectly together, like two pieces of a puzzle. We _were _made for one another other.

Without warning, her scent changed as epinephrine suddenly coursed through her system at a rapid pace, her breathing becoming erratic, while her delicate heart beat furiously. Bella was oozing fear. What had happened? What was she thinking? Her eyes closed again, but she didn't move a muscle. Then Alice mentally screamed at me.

"_Edward, prepare yourself. She's going to jump off your lap any second and run across the room. Do you suppose she's figured out what we are? I don't think anything else would have elicited such a reaction from her. Regardless, you need to keep yourself together. Your response to her will determine whether or not this ends badly."_

Just as in Alice's vision, Bella jumped up and out of my lap. I felt my frozen insides shatter as I watched in immobility, while she ran to the opposite side of her living room, crouching into the corner, her face contorted with terror. Alice remained where she was, not wanting to frighten Bella any more than she already was, while Bella looked back and forth between the two of us.

I had not felt so empty in years, since the time before I had accepted the truth that Bella was to be my mate. I could not imagine life without her, yet the painful expression on her face nearly brought me to my knees. Who could ever have imagined that a mere human could destroy a vampire?

"You don't have a genetic disorder, do you?" Bella asked, her voice trembling, as my second greatest fear had come to fruition – Bella was afraid of me.

"No," was all I could say because she deserved my absolute honesty. If I could give her nothing else, I could at least give her that.

"I know what you are," she stated shakily, an underlying fury in her voice.

It almost sounded as if she were accusing me of having done something wrong, even though I had never actually lied – only told partial truths, but that had been enough. She had a right to be angry, furious even. I was remorseful, yet nothing I could do would change anything now, so I just stared at the floor, ready to take whatever wrath was coming.

"Talk to me!" Bella screamed, her rightful fury taking over.

I had never seen her so fueled by anger and I was unable to do anything to alleviate her pain and take away my guilt. I deserved everything she threw at me and so much more. I could see from Alice's mind that Bella had looked over at Alice, but Alice was watching me, afraid of what I might do. Too many possibilities were running through her head, as if someone were fast-forwarding a movie. Not even I could differentiate the scenes as the colors and pictures ran together like watercolors. Bella had remained quiet for a moment, but since neither Alice nor I spoke, her voice broke the silence. This time, however, there was no fear.

"Tell me," she said calmly. "Tell me what you are."

I was no longer able to control my arms as I realized they had started to shake. The agonizing torture I was experiencing due to the amount of pain I was inflicting on my precious girl was almost unbearable. And even though she had asked, I could not bring myself to provide her with an answer to her simple, straightforward question.

Bella sighed deeply. I waited for a word, any word from her before she sealed my fate because I was sure she would doom me to an existence without her. Although I was not surprised by her words, it was still difficult to hear her speak the dreaded word that would oust our secret.

"Do vampires really exist?" she mumbled, almost as if she was talking to herself.

It took me longer than I would have thought to reach inside myself to find the strength to answer, not knowing if she had addressed her question to me, and before I could respond, Bella fixed her gaze on me.

"Are you a vampire?" she asked quietly, her beautiful eyes boring into mine.

I watched her body's movements. She seemed self-assured as if something had just occurred to her. That's when I realized she no longer seemed afraid and I was grateful, but it made no sense. I had assumed she knew what I was from her first question as she had asked whether or not my kind was real. Perhaps she just needed to know for a certainty, from my own mouth, what kind of monster I was.

"Yes," I replied. Now the total truth was out there – in the open. She knew what I was. And even though I no longer believed she would run, I was certain that she would want _me_ to leave. I steadied myself, awaiting her instructions for me to depart from her presence, but it didn't come. Bella most certainly was a mystery.

"How old _are_ you?"

What? Why did that matter? Why did she want to know? Was she asking when I was born or when I had been turned into a demon? I decided on the answer she already knew.

"I'm seventeen."

"No, you're not," she replied firmly. "How old are you _really_?"

So she didn't want to know my age when I was turned. That would have been too easy. I couldn't bring myself to tell her how long I had existed, so I decided on another truth.

"I was born in 1901," I mumbled as my head drooped downward. However, I could almost hear her mind working, performing the mental math. She would undoubtedly arrive at the number I had attempted to hide from her.

"No," she stated incredulously.

I nodded, but was unable to look into her face any longer. I waited again for her to send me away. Never, ever, would I have guessed at her next question.

"What about the werewolves?"

"Huh?"

"_Edward, how does she know about them? What's going on? I can't get a handle on anything because she's not planning out what she's going to ask you – she's flying by the seat of her pants, so to speak."_

I guess she had realized how utterly shocked I was by her question so she asked again.

"What about the Quileute tribe turning into werewolves? Are they real, too?"

"How do you know about them?" I needed to learn which member of the tribe had broken the treaty by telling Bella about themselves and I was sure they had also told her about us. Things were beginning to make sense, although I still was in awe of her behavior. However, if she had known this information for a while, perhaps that was how she was managing to maintain her composure.

"My friend – well, my former friend – Jacob Black told me some of the stories and legends of his tribe. He told me about his great-grandfather and –"

Why had she stopped? What was she thinking?

"And what, Bella?" I looked at her questioningly.

"The Cold Ones," she whispered, looking away from me.

"Oh, I see." I had no other words left. I knew it was time for us to leave so I stood up and began my walk of shame toward the door, and, as I approached Alice's position, she followed behind me.

"Wait!" Bella shouted, stopping me dead in my tracks. "What are you doing? Where are you going? You can't just drop this bomb and then walk out on me. What am I supposed to do with this information?"

I heard the desperation in her voice as I smelled the wetness of the tear that ran down her cheek. Then came the anxiety attack, just like the one I had seen so many years ago. I was torn – what was the right thing to do? Stay or leave? Only Bella held the answer, the key.

"You don't want me to leave?" I asked, turning back to face her. "You don't care if I'm not human – if I'm a monster?"

I watched as she stood up and walked behind one of the arm chairs in the living room, leaning over, resting her elbows on the back of the chair for support. When she finally looked up at me, I was broken, and yet, deep down below, there was that small trickle of hope still clinging with an air of desperation. She hadn't yet sent me away. I watched and waited for her to say something, anything, but she remained silent.

For the last few moments, Alice had stopped paying attention to the movie madness that had gone on inside her head. I was certain that if it had been physiologically possible, she would have gotten a migraine, which was why, her sudden, crystal clear vision left me flabbergasted, speechless. There, just as she had seen before Bella learned the truth, were Bella and I standing in a meadow. Then the vision of our wedding appeared in her mind, as well. My mouth fell open.

Something Bella had decided had put everything back to the way it had been. Some realization had come to her that gave order to chaos. I was not sure what had changed, but I knew without a doubt that I loved her, unconditionally and irrevocably. And, perhaps, she still loved me, too.

**-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o**

**AN: Thanks to everyone who has added this story to their favorites, signed up for update alerts ****and reviewed. Please continue to let me know what you think – it's nice to hear from you. Thanks!**


	11. Chapter 11 Secrets and Revelations

**DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer owns the entire Twilight Series, Edward, Bella and all the other characters we've grown to know and love. No copyright infringement is intended. **_However, any new or unfamiliar characters in the story are figments of my own imagination and this story's plot is mine, as well. Please do not translate, copy or reproduce any parts of this story without my express permission._

**AN: A few quick things:**

**(1) Effective with this chapter, I have changed the story rating to M due to ****occasional limey phrases. Please proceed with caution.**

**(2) This chapter **_**kicked my butt**_**. Neither Bella nor Edward wanted to cooperate. I think they were too busy looking to the future . . . forgetting there is a lot to get through before they can go to college *snickering*. I wrote and re-wrote and re-wrote some more. Anyway, **_**I appreciate your patience.**_

**(3) And last, but **_**certainly**__** not least**_**, I absolutely cannot forget my **_**fabulous**_** and **_**extremely witty **_**Beta, TwilightMomofTwo. Thank goodness for her, otherwise I shudder to think where this chapter would have ended up. ;-)**

Chapter 11 – Secrets and Revelations

BPOV

Edward seemed surprised that I didn't want him to leave, but after having my little epiphany, there was no way I could let him go. One way or another I would make him understand that I wanted him and loved him, _unconditionally_. It didn't matter that he wasn't a human anymore because it didn't negate all the kindness and tenderness he had shown me. In fact, it only further convinced me that the human part of him still existed, somewhere, on some level. He was _not_ a monster and I would do whatever it took to convince him of that fact.

That meant, though, that I needed to answer his question. He was rooted to his spot, waiting patiently for me to speak.

"No. I don't want you to leave. Why would I?" I replied confidently.

"But . . . how could you? I'm a –" Edward answered, bewildered.

"You're _not_ a monster," I said emphatically, interrupting him. "How could you say that? You've never harmed me and it seems you had plenty of opportunities to do just that."

I paused when I saw Edward shudder before continuing. "Are you like the Cold Ones that Jake's great-grandfather made a treaty with?"

Edward still hadn't moved. He seemed apprehensive. I needed to hear his voice, but, instead, he nodded his head, silently answering my question.

"So . . . you drink animal blood?"

I had always suspected there was something peculiar about the Cullens, but I'd never imagined that they were vampires. I was still having a difficult time wrapping my head around the truth even though it was standing right in front of me. At least, I was no longer afraid. Not anymore. My burst of fear had come and gone and I was relieved to finally have learned the truth even if the facts seemed stranger than fiction. I loved Edward, I always had, and I was positive that I always would. He needed to know that my new-found knowledge hadn't changed anything.

"You don't know . . . you don't understand . . . all the times –" he stated anxiously.

"Shut up, Edward," Alice said in a huff. "Stop flagellating yourself. _Really_. Are you not listening to her?"

I turned toward Alice and saw her smiling, which helped me relax even though Edward hadn't answered my last question. I was fairly sure that I was right, but needed confirmation. I was about to repeat myself, when Alice spoke.

"Yes, our usual diet consists of animal blood," she replied, her eyes twinkling as she giggled.

"Alice, what are you –" Edward seemed uneasy, almost agitated by her admission, as he glared at Alice before glancing over at me, his eyes scrutinizing my every action.

I was quiet for a moment, trying to assimilate all that I had learned as I waited patiently for more information.

"Of course, we are very responsible in our hunting," Alice stated matter-of-factually.

I wasn't sure what that meant, but responsibility was a good thing, so I decided not to question it. Instantly, however, another question popped in my head.

"What do you use for, um, weapons?" I asked, nervously.

I looked over at Alice. She smiled, flashing me her pearly whites as she pointed to her mouth.

"Oh," I said, shuddering as I realized how sharp their teeth truly had to be. I turned my gaze to Edward, but he spoke not a word.

Alice seemed to enjoy sharing her family's secrets with me and I had a feeling if I were to wait to get answers from Edward, I would be waiting quite a while. I couldn't help but wonder why he wasn't as forthcoming with me as Alice.

Suddenly I remembered that my mother would be home in less than an hour so there really wasn't time to get all my questions answered just yet. I had to find time to talk with Edward, alone, but I had no idea when. Not only was Renee on her way, but my grandparents would be arriving soon, as well. I looked at Edward who was still standing next to Alice, not having moved from his spot. I wasn't sure if he would stay or leave, but he needed to know that he was not getting rid of me. I had an overwhelming desire to touch him, hoping that would help him understand that I was not afraid of him and that I wanted him.

I took a step forward. For a minute, he looked like he would run. He appeared wary, a nervous anxiety exuding from him. Nevertheless, he stayed where he was, as I took another step closer. I hesitantly extended my arm and touched his cold, hard cheek with my hand as I marveled at the perfect texture of his skin – like satin over marble. Then I placed my other hand on his chest, right where his heart was, before quietly speaking.

"Edward, I love you. Nothing else matters," I said emphatically. "I do have a lot of questions, but I'm sure there isn't anything that we can't work through _together_. I'm not afraid of you and I'm not going anywhere. I hope you aren't either because when you're around, the ache that's been in my chest for years is gone. I _need _to be near you."

Although I had tried to make my voice sound strong, those last few words came out in a choked sob. I knew I couldn't truly live without Edward and _that_ frightened me.

"None of this really makes sense, but I know we're supposed to be together. I've felt it for years."

"Bella, there isn't anything I won't do for you. I'll go anywhere, do anything, answer each and every question you have. I love you more than life itself," Edward said lovingly, as his alluring lips broke out into a smile.

I felt his hands as they came to gently rest on my hips, causing a shiver to run up my spine, but it wasn't because I was cold. This was different and as I inhaled his sweet, delicious scent, I felt a tug from somewhere deep inside me. The overwhelming sensations traveled through my entire body, heating me from the inside out.

Looking up at him again, I got the impression that he wanted to say something more. His mouth opened and closed, as if he was struggling with the words.

"What is it, Edward?"

"Please stay off the reservation," he stated seriously, his voice full of apprehension.

"What?" I was a little incredulous at his request, but I also saw the anxiety in his face and felt compelled to reassure him as best I could.

"I don't have any plans to go back, but . . . my parents are friends with the Blacks so I might not have a choice. But, if it's really important to you, I'll do everything I can to avoid the reservation," I finished. Edward seemed to relax a bit.

"It would mean a great deal to me," Edward replied. He hesitated for a moment before continuing. "Bella, young werewolves are unstable and dangerous. Right now, we are aware of Jacob Black having phased for the first time, and we expect others to join him soon. If anything happens to you while on the reservation, I won't be able to come to your aid without violating the treaty. Can you understand how that makes me just a little anxious?"

I sighed and nodded. I only had eight months before I would leave for college, so maybe it wouldn't be too difficult to remain in Forks. I was pulled out of my thoughts by Alice.

"We need to leave. Your mother will be home soon and she can't find us here."

"Oh, crap! Wait. How would you know?" I asked, feeling slightly confused.

"All in good time, Bella. All in good time," she replied before laughing giddily.

That was the last thing either of them said before they both vanished into thin air. A minute later, Renee walked into the living room, earlier than I had expected.

* * *

I loved my mother very much, but after listening to her go on and on as she shared _every_ minute detail of her trip to Seattle, I was mentally exhausted. And all I really wanted to do was talk with Edward. I had no idea how they had gotten away so quickly and without being seen by Renee, but somehow they had and although I was expecting her to grill me about what I had done in her absence, not once did she ask even the smallest question.

I continued to at least appear attentive as my mother droned on about her shopping trip with Sue Clearwater, but I was yanked abruptly back into reality when she said, "Now, don't forget that we're picking up your grandparents tonight and then tomorrow we're having the Clearwaters and Blacks over for Christmas Eve dinner."

"Huh?"

I was stunned by what I thought my mother had said, but I was sure I had been mistaken.

"What did you say?"

"Oh, hmm. I was sure I had mentioned it. We haven't spent time with the Blacks since your birthday and I thought that seeing as how I had such a wonderful time with Sue, it would be nice to invite them, as well."

"Mom," I said hesitantly. "Have you forgotten that Jacob and I aren't speaking and that he just started dating Leah Clearwater? Did it not occur to you that having them all over for dinner would be just a bit awkward?"

I couldn't believe my mother.

Actually, I could.

She was scatterbrained; I just hadn't noticed in a while.

"You know, it's funny you should say that. It's the same thing Sue said – about the situation being awkward. And apparently Billy said the same thing to your father. Is there something we don't know about your former relationship with Jacob?" Renee asked inquisitively.

"No, mom. We were only ever _friends_," I replied with a humph.

"Then it's about time you both grew up a little. I know how much fun you used to have together. Anyway, you told me that Jacob was upset because you only wanted to be friends. Now that he's dating Leah, there shouldn't be a problem. You aren't upset about that, are you?" she asked, her eyes bright as if the thought of me being jealous over Jacob was a good thing.

I shook my head. "No, not at all. Surprised? Yes, but not upset. I'm glad he's found someone," I said before mumbling under my breath, "Someone other than me."

My mother could be infuriating, but what was I going to do? Then I thought of Edward and his request that I stay off the reservation. Well, at least everyone was coming to my house – neutral territory. I had a feeling that wouldn't ease Edward's mind, but I would never mention it, so it was rather unlikely that he would find out about it.

* * *

It was late by the time I headed upstairs. I was completely exhausted. After helping my mother put the finishing touches on the house and picking up my grandparents from the airport, I needed some peace and quiet. Of course, if that had been the extent of my day, I would have been fine, but there's nothing like learning that your boyfriend is a vampire to totally stress you out. Was Edward even my boyfriend? I wasn't exactly sure how to define our relationship.

I slowly opened my bedroom door and walked in before closing it quietly behind me when I heard a soft voice and quiet laughter.

"I thought you'd never get here."

I gasped, covering my mouth quickly so that no one would hear me as I squealed, throwing myself into Edward's long, outstretched arms which he instantly wrapped around me. I had never felt so alive, so loved in my entire life than I did at that very moment.

"Wait – what are you doing here and how did you get in?" I asked. I was exceptionally happy, but at the same time, totally surprised to see him. I took a step back.

"I had to see you again. We have much to discuss and . . . I climbed in through the window," he said hesitantly, pointing toward the open window that overlooked the back of the house, shutting it before walking over to my old rocking chair and taking a seat.

"Is climbing trees a vampire skill?" I asked, laughing quietly, although surprised by his admission, as I made my way to the edge of the bed and sat down.

"Not really," Edward said with a smirk. "But it does make it easier."

I wondered how he knew where my bedroom was as I recalled numerous mornings that I had awakened to feel a cool breeze in the air even though my window had been closed. Then there were the times my bed had felt cold after I'd awoken from dreaming of Edward while his familiar scent wafted in the air around me.

"Um, have you done this before?" I asked hesitantly.

Edward looked, for lack of a better word, horrified. Well . . . not horrified . . . just very, very guilty. I waited for him to answer, but he actually seemed lost for words.

"Cat got your tongue?" I teased, realizing that by his silence I already knew the answer.

Even though it should have unnerved me, for some reason it didn't. It was almost comforting to think he must have been watching over me for some time now.

"Would you hate me if I said yes?" Edward asked apprehensively, his eyes fixed on the floor.

"Is that 'yes' that you're tongue-tied or 'yes' you've been here before?" I asked, amused.

"Yes, I've been here before," he replied sheepishly. "If you want me to leave –"

"Oh, for goodness sake! Did I say I wanted you to go? Why do you assume the worst?" I asked, totally exasperated.

"Because I keep waiting for you to run away, screaming," he said, staring out the window, a nearly blank expression on his face.

Up to this point, we had remained sitting in our respective locations, but now I felt an overpowering desire to go to him. My actions were deliberate in an effort to gauge his reaction as I stood up and headed to the rocking chair, where he was seated. I watched him carefully before slowly lowering myself onto his lap. It put me at ease to feel his cool hard body beneath mine as I looked into his golden eyes.

"Edward," I said softly. "There isn't anything you can say or do to make me run away. _I love you_."

"As I love you," he said immediately.

It thrilled me beyond belief to hear him say those three words. As much as I wanted to continue our conversation, I was both physically and mentally exhausted. He took my hand in his, gently caressing the back with his thumb. I was tired, but I was still afraid that if I closed my eyes, Edward would disappear, never to return. I was so busy thinking, that it surprised me when I felt Edward kiss the top of my head.

"Bella, I think you need some sleep," he whispered.

"Yeah, I guess I do, but I don't want you to leave," I said softly. "Do you have to go? To sleep?" I asked shyly.

He hesitated for a moment. "I don't sleep."

I lifted my head from his chest and looked deep into his honey-colored eyes. "At all?"

"Never," he answered, smirking.

"So you don't have coffins?" I asked nervously.

"Myth," he chortled.

"Don't laugh at me –" I said as he interrupted me.

"I would _never_ do such a thing," he teased, a slight grin evident on his lips.

"I meant to say don't laugh at my question. It seemed perfectly logical to me," I said, rolling my eyes.

I needed him to be happy and I wanted him to stay with me while I slept. Now that I knew he didn't need to go home to sleep, I finally had the courage to ask my next question.

"So, if you don't have to go home . . . well, will you stay with me?"

"Of course," he replied, his eyes full of love. "Why don't you go get changed and I'll wait here."

"Okay," I said quietly before picking up my pajamas and heading to the bathroom to wash up. I could hear my family downstairs, talking happily so I closed the bathroom door loudly. I didn't want anyone to come upstairs looking for me and instead finding Edward in my room.

I quickly brushed my teeth and tried to hurry through my shower, but the hot water felt so good on my body. I hadn't realized just how tight my muscles were until that moment. The familiar smell of my soap and strawberry shampoo almost relaxed me and made me feel like the same person I had been when I woke up that morning, before learning that Jacob could be a werewolf and that Edward was a vampire.

I haphazardly dried my hair quickly before going downstairs to my family.

"Good night," I said, kissing my mom and grandmother on their cheeks and hugging my grandfather and dad. They all smiled at me as I turned and attempted to walk slowly up the stairs. I didn't want to arouse any undue suspicions because I was claiming to be too tired to stay awake any further. I had a feeling if I ran up the stairs, they would find that just a bit curious; however, about half way up, I began to take the stairs two at a time, hurrying into my room, shutting the door tightly behind me.

Edward hadn't moved even a fraction of an inch. He looked like a statue carved of the finest stone, like Michelangelo's David. As I smiled, my perfect statue suddenly came to life.

I could feel Edward's eyes on me as he looked me over, taking in my slightly wet hair and my warm pajamas.

"Resplendent," he said, raising an eyebrow as I blushed.

I was embarrassed and started to turn away when I felt a cool hand on my wrist, stopping me while at the same time twirling me around so that I was facing him.

"And just where do you think you're going?" Edward asked, grinning all the while.

"Uh, nowhere?" I replied, although it came out more like a question. I tried to think, but it was difficult while he was touching me.

Edward held me close as he placed one hand on the small of my back and the other behind my head.

"Do you have any idea how long I've wanted to do this? Hold you in my arms?" he asked, his eyes closed as a contented smile appeared across his beautiful face.

"No, but I know how long I've been waiting," I said softly, wrapping my arms around his waist and hugging him tightly. I didn't ever want to let him go.

"I have so many questions," I said, unable to stifle a yawn.

Edward chuckled.

"I will answer as many as I can, but not now. You need to rest," he insisted.

"I'm not sure if I can," I replied sleepily.

"Perhaps I should leave."

"No!" I said a bit too loudly.

He laughed, and then began to hum an unfamiliar tune which almost sounded like a lullaby. Edward had the voice of an angel as he continued to hum the mysterious melody softly in my ear.

Apparently, I was more tired than I realized. It didn't take very long at all until I drifted off to sleep in his cold, protective arms.

* * *

EPOV

I waited for Bella to answer my question, to determine my fate. I felt the pain as it began to fill the void in my chest, but I continued to grasp onto the minuscule amount of hope I had left that she would want me to stay. Bella remained silent for a long while and I once again wished that I could hear the thoughts that were running through her impenetrable mind. I looked over at Alice, but her visions remained crystal clear. Nothing had changed. I prayed to whatever entity would listen to the likes of me that Bella still had feelings for me.

"_She'll answer in just another second, Edward," _Alice thought just as Bella began to speak.

"No. I don't want you to leave. Why would I?" Bella asked, confidently.

The ache in my chest began to subside as I urgently latched onto more of the hope that I had been trying so desperately to possess. Bella seemed to know precisely what she wanted. She seemed so self-assured though she still didn't know about my past and what I'd done during my rebellious years. Would she be able to love me, regardless? I felt doubt creeping through me again, as it tangled its guilt-ridden tentacles through the small amount of hope I had found, choking the life out of it until I was certain that Bella would indeed turn me away.

"But . . . how could you? I'm a –" I broke off, bewildered.

"You're _not_ a monster. How could you say that?" Bella asked determinedly. "You've never harmed me and it seems you had plenty of opportunities to do just that."

She appeared undaunted by her new-found knowledge, but she didn't yet know what had nearly occurred that fateful day at the airport. She didn't understand how close to death she had truly come. If it hadn't had been for Alice's phone call I shuddered to think how different the end result might have been.

"_Edward, I have a feeling I know what you're thinking. You never would have hurt her. I know my vision originally showed that you _could_ have, but you never would have been able to hurt Bella. Not then, and _certainly_ not now."_

I looked over at Alice. She knew me better than anyone else in the family. I attempted a smile, but the effort was in vain. I had been afraid that Bella, once she knew that I was a vampire, would reject me. So far she hadn't, but she still didn't have _all_ the facts. It occurred to me that Bella might have been awaiting a response, but, as I had been lost in my own thoughts, I had remained silent.

"Are you like the Cold Ones that Jake's great-grandfather made a treaty with?"

The question stunned me. Not only did Bella seem to know about the treaty, but she even knew the term with which the Quileutes referred to us. My mouth opened and closed a few times, but I was unable to find my voice. Oh, the irony. The strong, nearly indestructible vampire I was – reduced to a pile of muted stone by the likes of a small slip of a human girl who stared at me waiting for an answer.

What Bella did not yet know was that we were not only _like _the Cold Ones that Ephraim Black came across, we were_ the same exact ones_ he had made the treaty with. As hard as I tried, I could not regain my ability to speak so I simply nodded my head in answer to her question. I attempted to determine the best way to explain the fact that although my family valued human life, we were still considered a danger by the Quileutes which was why we were not allowed on their land. Before I had a chance to sort out my thoughts, she fired another question at me.

"So . . . you drink animal blood?"

Her calm demeanor completely baffled me and I wondered for a quick moment if there was something wrong with her head. Bella's quiet and calm reaction to the revelations of my true nature were, after her initial bout of expected fear, utterly confusing. She seemed only curious, her heartbeat appeared normal and her scent was no longer tinged with fear. I wanted to answer her question, but I didn't know how.

While I currently followed Carlisle's way of life, I hadn't always done so. That alone ought to convince Bella that she should run as far as she could from me. Just because I didn't kill innocent humans during that rebellious time, my gift allowing me to play God, protecting them from the evil that lurked in dark corners of the world and only feeding off the vilest of humankind, did not make me any less of a monstrous creature.

"You don't know . . . you don't understand . . . all the times –" I sputtered, incredulously staring at her.

"_Oh, for crying out loud. Enough already._" It seemed as if Alice had enough of my beating around the bush.

"Shut up, Edward," she said in a huff. "Stop flagellating yourself. _Really_. Are you not listening to her?"

I looked over at Bella, her posture relaxed, and then turned toward Alice who was smiling.

"_Edward, you will tell her all she needs to know, but now is not the right time. At this moment she just needs to get used to the idea of what we are__. A__ll will be __explained__ in time. Believe me, I've seen it. __She has a lot of questions and you will give her all the answers she's going to __need__ and when she knows everything, she _still_ won't run away. You _know_ this. Do you truly doubt your love for her? What about her love for you? Is it really that __difficult__ for you to __see__ a good thing __when it's__ right in front of your face__? __Does it first have to bite you in the ass before you believe it? You are exasperating! __ I think you just enjoy the agony."_

Alice huffed and folded her arms across her chest, glaring at me meaningfully. As much as I wanted to believe her, I simply knew I was no good for Bella. I never would be the man she needed.

_That's right, you can't. You should have walked away years ago._

I knew the nagging voice was right. But I had been unable to leave her.

Apparently I had been too wrapped up in my own thoughts to pay any attention to Alice because if I had, I would have stopped her from speaking.

"Yes, our usual diet consists of animal blood." I didn't understand the look in Alice's eyes as I heard her laugh, blocking her thoughts from me.

"Alice, what are you –"

"_Get over yourself, Edward. She asked a harmless question. You took too long to answer, so I helped out."_

I was furious. It was not her place to share these things with Bella – it was mine. Inexplicably, jealousy reared its ugly head. _And_ she had just told _me_ to keep quiet, that this was not the time to divulge any more secrets to Bella.

I quickly glanced over at Bella, carefully monitoring her every action. I was unable to keep the apprehension and anxiety at bay, even though Bella didn't seem upset. I returned my attention to Alice and knew instantly I was in for more trouble.

"Of course, we are very responsible in our hunting," Alice stated before turning to grin at me. She knew I was incensed and I was starting to believe that she was taking pleasure in taunting me.

As I looked over at Bella again, she seemed perfectly fine with the information she had been provided. Again, she only appeared curious, not afraid. In vain, I again tried to penetrate her mind, wishing I could know what was going on inside. Her rational acceptance of our revelations was unnatural.

"What do you use for, um, weapons?"

I mentally cringed. Of course, Alice noticed.

"_I'll handle this,"_ she thought, silently answering Bella's question by grinning, pointing to her mouth and showing off her razor sharp teeth. _"Sometimes actions speak louder than words."_

"Oh," was all Bella said, shuddering before she turned her gaze on me.

I hesitated, wondering if she was _now_ fearful of me, and if she would be too afraid to kiss me again.

"Now you've really done it," I quietly said to Alice. "Why did you have to go and ruin everything?"

I felt the pain begin to take hold in my chest as Alice allowed me to see her visions of Bella and me which apparently hadn't changed. I was still having difficulty believing that after Bella knew _everything_, she would still want me, but before I could say something to Alice, she imagined herself sticking her tongue out at me.

"Real mature, Alice," I muttered.

"_Well, stop acting like a baby,"_ she thought before laughing quietly.

I felt my frustration beginning to escalate, realizing I ought to go hunt, but Alice shook her head no. I tried to calm myself, but I was worried about Bella. I wondered if what she'd learned had become too overwhelming.

Suddenly, I realized that Bella was walking toward me. I wanted to go to her so that she would know how important she was to me – that she was my entire world – but my legs refused to follow my brain's commands. I watched in utter amazement as she extended her arm and touched my cheek with her warm, soft fingers, before placing her other hand on my chest, resting it directly over my long-silent heart. The heat that radiated off her skin warmed me to my core.

"Edward, I love you," Bella said tenderly.

I gasped as my frozen heart felt warmth for the first time in nearly ninety years. I was certain it had expanded well beyond it's original size as sheer ecstasy pervaded me, filling me nearly beyond my ability to comprehend. Bella's love had changed me and it was the most amazing, fantastical thing ever. I wanted to pick her up, kiss her, hug her, love her forever. I couldn't understand how it was that Bella had chosen me, but for once I tried not to over-analyze it.

"Nothing else matters," she whispered.

My mind immediately returned to my past as I recalled all the people I'd killed as well as the fact that I had wanted to kill her. How did that _not _matter? Then there was the issue of her soul. I tried to focus on her declaration of love to reassure myself that we would somehow work through our challenges together, but I felt my resolve beginning to wane. Then I heard Alice.

"_Oh, Edward. What have you done _now_? I thought you had worked through these issues. Look, you're messing everything up _again_. Bella will want to become what we are once she understands the alternative. I'm not going to let you mess up her future. Bella and I will be great friends and I will not lose my best friend because of your insecurities and obstinacy."_

I wanted to tell Alice to mind her own business. She had become rather irritating – this wasn't about her and what she wanted. This was about me and Bella. Fortunately for Alice, Bella continued speaking.

"I do have a lot of questions, but I'm sure there isn't anything that we can't work through, _together_. I'm not afraid of you and I'm not going anywhere. I hope you aren't either because when you're around the ache that's been in my chest for year is gone. I _need _to be near you."

Those last few words came out in sob. _ I understood _the impact of Bella being my mate, but had never considered that she might feel the same way, too. Rosalie had once told me that Bella might not have a full human life without me in it – was it possible that she understood better than I? Carlisle had told me that human feelings were not as deep, as all consuming as ours. Had I misunderstood? Regardless, I needed to comfort Bella. I could not allow her to suffer, yet it seemed she was not finished.

"None of this really makes sense, but I know we're supposed to be together. I've felt it for years."

I continued to be amazed at the comprehension Bella had concerning our relationship. Perhaps I _had_ underestimated her needs and desires. As I glanced over at Alice, she quietly giggled.

"_See, I knew it all along."_

I could no longer hold in the smile, joy radiated over my face. Maybe everything would be alright.

"Bella, there isn't anything I won't do for you. I'll go anywhere, do anything, answer each and every question you have. I love you more than life itself," I replied adoringly, gazing deeply into her chocolate brown eyes.

I allowed myself to touch Bella, ever so gently placing my hands on her hips. A shiver ran up her spine and she blushed. Suddenly there was a slight increase in her body temperature as her heartbeat quickened. Her breathing became faster and her aromatic fragrance changed ever so slightly. It was stronger, more musky than usual and although I had tried to ignore it in the past, I knew she was aroused. My immediate reaction was to ridicule myself for my ungentlemanly thoughts, however, at that moment I only wanted to relish in the joy that _my_ touch had caused _that _reaction in my beloved Bella.

I was hesitant to ruin the moment with a discussion about the wolves, yet she needed to understand the seriousness of the situation and I could not hold back my desire to protect her. Bella was far too intuitive for her own good because it seemed she could read my mind when I heard her ask, "What is it, Edward?"

"Please stay off the reservation," I requested apprehensively.

"What?" Bella asked, sounding slightly indignant. "I don't have any plans to go back, but . . . my parents are friends with the Blacks so I might not have a choice. But, if it's really that important to you, I'll do everything I can to avoid the reservation."

As long as she tried, I could ask for nothing more. I felt myself relax just a bit.

"It would mean a great deal to me," I replied, knowing there was more I needed to say. I hesitated for a moment before continuing. It was essential that she understand the perils involved in associating with werewolves.

"Bella, young werewolves are unstable and dangerous. Right now, we are aware of Jacob Black having phased for the first time, and we expect others to join him soon. If anything happens to you while on the reservation, I won't be able to come to your aid without violating the treaty. Can you understand how that makes me just a little anxious?"

"_I can see that she's going to struggle with this, Edward. She won't return on her own, but my visions are unclear as to whether or not her parents will force the issue. I'm not sure how we'll be able to resolve this matter, but at least she only has eight months before she goes to college."_

I watched Bella, waiting for her reaction. Eventually she sighed and nodded in agreement. She appeared wary of what I had asked, but a small amount of understanding crept across her face. I wanted to let her know how much I appreciated her efforts in light of the fact that it would be a challenge when I heard Alice.

"We need to leave. Your mother will be home soon and she can't find us here."

"Oh, crap! Wait. How would you know?" Bella asked. She appeared confused.

Alice took a moment to look ahead. Her vision passed so quickly that I wasn't sure what I saw, but she smiled and nodded in agreement.

"All in good time, Bella. All in good time," she replied before laughing.

"_Renee will be here in a minute. We've got to go. Now."_

I didn't want to leave Bella without saying good-bye and giving her a kiss, but it seemed I was left with no choice. We had to go immediately. Although I was disappointed with having to leave so abruptly, at least we were out of Bella's house before Renee pulled into the driveway.

I was annoyed and didn't speak a word to Alice the entire way home. She, of course, knew that I would eventually settle down, so she didn't force a conversation. She kept her thoughts to herself as best she could. Bella had just learned of our secret and we had only just professed our love for each other. And Alice had taken it upon herself to share important facts with Bella. _I _wanted to be the one to share my secrets with Bella, not Alice, and it infuriated me that she was depriving me of those opportunities.

Once we arrived back home, we disembarked from the Volvo. I turned to leave to go hunt, hoping to alleviate some of the frustration I was feeling, when I heard Alice.

"_Edward, you had the entire drive home to sulk; it's time you woke up to the fact that you're not the only one in this family who loves Bella. She and I are going to be great friends, and I'm anxious for her to know everything. I'm tired of keeping secrets. And, besides, if you had your way, you two still would not have gone out on a date,"_ she huffed before continuing our one-sided conversation out loud.

"Go run. Go hunt, if that's what you need to do, but I'm not going to allow you to waste precious time ruminating over how best to proceed. I'll give you time to speak with Bella on your own, but remember, I've waited longer than you have for Bella to join this family. Our existence may be timeless, but I will only permit you so much time to dilly-dally around before I step in and tell Bella the truth, the _whole_ truth."

And with that, Alice went in the house to see Jasper.

Although I was still anxious, and Alice's revelation did not help the situation, on some level I knew she was right. When it came to informing Bella, I would dawdle and dance around the truth forever, literally. Now, with Alice's threat hanging over my head, I would have to face the difficult conversations with Bella much sooner than I would have liked. It was times like these that I both loved and despised my sister.

As I ran, and before my instincts to took over, I realized the ache in my chest had become stronger. At that moment I knew that I would need to see Bella again before the day was over.

* * *

By the time I had finished hunting and returned home, the pain in my chest had intensified. It was unlike anything I had experienced before. I was unsure as to what precisely had changed. I had spent years away from Bella and, although I was very familiar with the usual emptiness I felt, it was nothing like the current pangs of hollowness I was experiencing – I wondered if Carlisle would know, but he was currently at the hospital. Alice and Jasper had apparently gone hunting, although I had not come across them while I was out, and Emmett and Rosalie were, well, they were otherwise engaged.

The sun was beginning to set, but it was still much too early to visit Bella. I didn't want to call her house in case her parents were to answer the phone, but, regardless, I planned on going to her home later in the evening. Hopefully she would not be upset by the intrusion. I could always wait until she was asleep as I had done in the past, but now that she knew what I was, perhaps she would not be disturbed by an unannounced visit. I was hesitant, although decided. I was just unsure as to the best time to leave. Until I heard Alice.

"_It's fine, Edward. You should see Bella this evening and while you would be perfectly fine watching her sleep, I can see that she'll be happy to see you if you arrive while she's awake. Enjoy your time with her. You both deserve it."_

I could almost hear the smile on her face.

As I ran toward Forks I felt rather lighthearted. I couldn't help but wonder if the glory of love was meant to feel this incredible. Although I had read about it in books and seen it played out in movies, and while I had seen and heard numerous times, through the minds of others, what love meant, it was an incredibly different feeling to actually experience such powerful emotions. While it was true that I had _known_ of my love for Bella for quite a while, it was a completely different feeling, knowing that she loved me, too.

As I approached her home, I was reminded that her grandparents had arrived for the holidays as I overheard their conversations.

"Renee, the house is lovely."

"Thanks, Mom," Renee replied as she thought, _"It's smaller than I would have liked, but Bella will be leaving for school soon so it's the perfect size for Charlie and me."_

Renee didn't sound happy that Bella was going to college a year ahead of schedule, but she did seem pleased that she would have Charlie all to herself. I quickly turned my attention to the other minds in the house – I really did _not _need those images of Bella's parents in my head.

Charlie didn't seem pleased that his in-laws were visiting for the entire holiday which, much to his chagrin, meant he had company for the next eleven days.

"_It's a good thing I'll be able to pick up a few extra shifts. I would go bonkers if I had to stay and pretend to entertain her father for almost two weeks. Renee won't be happy with me, but with her parents here, she'll get over it soon enough."_

The minds of Renee's parents were mainly focused on Bella as they watched their granddaughter. They were pleased that she was not as thin as she had been when the Swans first left Arizona, but they were both still concerned. Apparently Bella's mother had informed them about Bella's lack of friends as well as Bella's disagreement with _him_. The entire family was concerned for Bella, but I hoped that they would realize she was fine once I had the opportunity to meet them.

_You're going to meet the parents?_

Bella was my life now. I planned on introducing myself to her parents and then we would attend the University of Washington together in the Fall, although I had not mentioned that fact to her as of yet. And I hoped we would be married sooner rather than later.

_Marriage?_

Why was I arguing with myself? The only thing that mattered to me was Bella. I would do whatever it took to have her in my life for as long as she would have me.

_Forever?_

Although I was determined to ask for her hand in marriage, I had yet to decide whether or not to ask her to change, to become what I am. While I recognized that the choice belonged to Bella, I was not ready to present that selfish option to her. She had only just learned of my true nature. There were many questions to be answered, many confessions to make on my part, before she would be ready to even ponder such a drastic, permanent choice, forsaking her humanity and all the experiences that came with it to remain with me for eternity – a choice for which she could lose her soul and, as a result, be barred from heaven forever. And, of course, she would not be able to see her family again.

I remained caught up in my own thoughts while I waited in the forest surrounding Bella's home. Eventually I heard her tell her family that she was going to her room. She sounded tired which gave me pause – should I go to her, keeping her from her bed? Her sleep? Perhaps it would be better to wait until she was dreaming. The moment I made the decision to stay away until she was resting peacefully, my phone vibrated in my pocket. I immediately knew the text message was from Alice.

A: She needs to see you tonight.

I wanted to ignore Alice, but I knew if I did, she would only continue to badger me so I replied.

E: Bella needs her rest.

I should have known better than to think that Alice would let the issue go so easily.

A: She needs you more. Go. Now.

I sighed, even though it wasn't necessary. Some human behaviors still provided some sort of mental comfort, if not a physical one. It was nice to hear her interact with her family and I could have done so forever. Bella was my everything and I wanted to learn all there was to know about the mysteriously beautiful creature who had stolen my heart. I remained in the tree outside her back bedroom window until I heard her walk up the stairs at which time I entered her room through that very same window - the one I had used numerous times in the past. I was about the close it when I heard her open the door, and walk in. She didn't realize I was there as I remained still, hidden by the darkness of the night. I spoke softly as not to cause her any undue alarm.

"I thought you'd never get here."

Bella gasped before covering her mouth quickly, apparently concerned that her family downstairs would hear her as she squealed and threw herself into my outstretched arms. It never ceased to amaze me how warm she was as I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her body gently against mine. As I breathed in her alluring scent, I was forced to swallow back a small amount of venom. I knew I was not thirsty; the feelings that had been awakened in me were much more human. My body's reaction to Bella's call had turned from one of bloodlust to longing. It was a completely different type of hunger. I swallowed again as more of her aromatic fragrance wafted in the air around me. I was brought out of my reverie when I heard her voice.

"Wait – what are you doing here and how did you get in?" she asked. She appeared surprised although happy to see me, causing my icy heart to swell. A smile spread across her face.

I wanted to tell her exactly how much I needed her, but suddenly she took a step back and looked up at me.

I didn't really want to confess to sneaking into her room from time to time over the years so I told her honestly, "I had to see you again. We have much to discuss and . . ." I paused before admitting, "I climbed in through the window."

I looked back at the window before closing it and walking over to Bella's old rocking chair where I took a seat.

"Is climbing trees a vampire skill?" Bella asked, her quiet laughter filling the room, as she made her way to the edge of the bed, sitting down. I gazed at the glorious girl that was before me and thought of all the things I wanted to share with her.

"Not really," I replied, unable to hold back a smirk. "But it does make it easier."

"Um, have you done this before?" she asked quietly.

Embarrassment flooded over me. _This _was a question I was not looking forward to answering. How would she feel when she learned I had been in this room numerous times without her knowledge or consent? How would she feel when she eventually discovered that I'd been in her room in Sierra Vista? Bella deserved the truth, but I was at a loss as to how to word my response. Just as I was about to speak, I heard Bella's enchanting voice.

"Cat got your tongue?"

I wondered if, by my silence, she had already deduced the answer. If that were true, I hoped she thought of me as her protector and not some creepy midnight stalker. As I stared into her melted chocolate eyes I knew I could no longer remain silent.

But I could hedge.

"Would you hate me if I said, yes?" I asked, before averting my eyes and fixing them on a knothole in her hardwood bedroom floor.

"Is that 'yes' that you're tongue-tied or 'yes' you've been here before?" Bella asked, sounding rather smug and amused. I was certain she knew I had been here before, but it seemed she wanted me to say the words out loud.

"Yes, I've been here before," I stated nervously. "If you want me to leave –"

"Oh, for goodness sake!" she snapped. "Did I say I wanted you to go? Why do you assume the worst?"

Bella seemed rather exasperated with me.

"Because I keep waiting for you to run away, screaming," I said as I glanced out the window into the darkness of the night, past the swaying branches and the leaves that were as clear to me as in the daylight.

I listened for Bella's response, but she said nothing. As I returned my gaze to the bed where she had been sitting, I realized she had gotten up and walked over to me. She was moving very slowly, even for a human, her actions almost deliberate. Once she was standing in front of me, she carefully lowered herself onto my lap.

I did my best to ignore the sensations that ran through my frozen core as she snuggled closer to me, her slight hips and curvy bottom ever so gently making contact with my thighs and other parts of my anatomy. I prayed she would still herself. When she had finally gotten comfortable, she peered into my eyes and I felt that she could see right through my defenses.

"Edward," she said softly. "There isn't anything you can say or do to make me run away. _I love you_."

There were those three magical words. The warmth that spread throughout my icy body was unimaginable, so _very_ pleasurable. The extreme happiness that coursed through me was nearly too much. I did not know what I had done to be blessed with such a gift as was my Bella, but I thanked the stars above that she had found her way into my life. I only hoped that I would one day be worthy of the gift I had been given.

"As I love you," I replied, taking her delicate hand in mine, gently caressing it with my thumb. The electric sensations that ran through my body surprised me still. Bella's body relaxed in my arms as she leaned into my chest. After the day she'd had, surely she was exhausted, both physically and mentally. I wanted to stay with her, but she needed rest. Although my body was not soft and supple, she seemed comfortable enough and I took that opportunity to kiss the top of her precious head.

As a slight moan escaped her lips, I felt twitching in my nether-regions. I needed to leave before I did something stupid.

"Bella, I think you need some sleep."

"Yeah, I guess I do, but I don't want you to leave," she murmured quietly. "Do you have to go? To sleep?" she asked shyly.

I hesitated for a moment and then responded.

"I don't sleep."

She lifted her head, staring deeply into my eyes before asking, "At all?"

"Never," I smirked.

"So you don't have coffins?" she asked nervously.

"Myth," I chuckled.

"Don't laugh at me –"

"I would _never_ do such a thing," I teased gently, smiling at her playful outrage.

"I meant to say don't laugh at my question. It seemed perfectly logical to me," Bella said as she rolled her eyes at me. "So, if you don't have to go home . . . well, will you stay with me?"

The joy I felt was overwhelming. Not only did she love me, but she trusted me enough to request my presence while she slept. Although I was pleased, a part of me realized that her behavior was one more indication that she seemed to lack the ability for self-preservation. However, I could deny her nothing.

"Of course," I replied, looking at her lovingly. "Why don't you go get changed and I'll wait here."

"Okay," she said softly, picking up her pajamas and heading toward the bathroom. Her family was still downstairs. I could hear both their voices and thoughts.

"_I wonder if Bella had trouble sleeping last night," _Renee pondered. _"She normally doesn't go to bed quite so early."_

"_I hope having us here doesn't cause Bella undue stress," _her grandmother thought. _"I was hesitant to come, knowing that our presence could stir up unwanted memories, but with her going away to school so soon, I really wanted to be here for her last official Christmas at home."_

Those thoughts caused me pause. Would Bella want me with her at the University of Washington or would she prefer to begin this new chapter of her life on her own? Alice had only ever seen all of us at school together, but what if she was wrong? This was yet another topic I would need to address with Bella, another question to promote doubt and anxiety in my mind.

I returned my attention to Bella as she brushed her teeth and then turned on the shower. I tried not to imagine what she looked like at that moment, the water running over her curvaceous, perfect body. I reminded myself that I was a gentleman, yet somehow, the images kept creeping back into my mind as my body suddenly responded in kind. Stunned, I looked down as my pants grew uncomfortably tight while the venom rushed to a certain appendage that I had not ever been concerned with before. Not even Tanya's unwelcome and rather overt advances had ever caused such a reaction. I attempted to refocus on the other voices in the house, yet the sound of the water spilling out and over her body had awakened the beast again.

Adjusting myself to relieve the aching pressure, I tried to think of horribly unpleasant things. I was completely embarrassed at my body's involuntary and utterly inappropriate reaction, mortified to have an erection at the mere thought of Bella's naked body, the likes of which I would not ever get to see if she were to find me in such a state upon her return. Finally, thinking of Emmett and Rosalie engaged in another round of their rather loud intimacy did the trick. I could breathe normally, again.

Fortunately, Bella finally turned off the water and, as I heard her drag the cotton towel over her soft, supple skin, removing the remaining droplets of water, my hands instantly became jealous of the inanimate object. What was happening to me? I was losing control over myself. If I were to remain with Bella throughout the night, I would need to rein in these feelings. I could not allow myself to be alone with her while she slept if I could not remain the courteous and honorable man my human parents had raised.

Moments later, the bathroom door opened and the warmth from the steam entered under the bedroom door, carrying with it her aroma as it wrapped around me like a blanket. I heard Bella's footfalls on the stairs as she said, "Good night."

I heard her kiss her mom and grandmother on their cheeks before hugging her grandfather and dad who smiled at her as she turned to walk back up the stairs. She seemed to take care as I heard her feet walk slowly, taking one step at a time, but about half way up the stairs, her pace quickened as she seemed to take two steps at a time until she had reached the landing before hurrying to her room and entering quickly before closing the door securely behind her.

I was unable to tear my eyes away from Bella the moment she walked into the room, as she stood there in front of me in her pajamas, her hair damp. The way her cotton night clothes clung to her slightly wet body as the essence of her strawberry shampoo hung in the air was going to drive me mad. It seemed being in the presence of my mate while being unable to touch her, feel her, as my nature demanded would certainly be my undoing. I was beginning to understand my siblings' need to get away, for privacy, from time to time.

Although I still could not totally comprehend how Emmett and Rosalie had been so destructive at times during their more amorous moments, I was beginning to understand the desperation, the passion on some level. Unfortunately, I would have to wait. There were so many things to consider, but first and foremost, I would need to confirm Bella's desires, although I had a good idea that she wanted me as I did her. However, we would not be able to consummate any relationship until she had been changed, should that be her desire and even then, I wanted to take her hand in marriage before our relationship developed to that level.

Even though I had existed for so many years, there were values my human parents had instilled in me that had remained, one being that in the early nineteen hundreds, couples did not engage in certain intimate activities until their wedding night. I had changed in many ways over the course of the years, but I would make Bella my wife and then, if she desired, she would become one of us. Eventually, after her newborn years, when she would no longer be controlled by her bloodlust, we would be able to have the kind of relationship I now so desperately desired.

My gaze must have been slightly intense as Bella blushed.

"Resplendent," I said, smiling and nodding in appreciation of the glorious sight that was the woman who stood before me.

It was then I realized that I must have embarrassed Bella as she attempted to turn away from me, but I could not permit that. I had spent the better part of the day away from her, in addition to most of the previous day, and I needed to see her beautiful face. I carefully reached out and gently took hold of her wrist, preventing her from walking away and twirling her around to face me.

"And just where do you think you're going?" I asked, trying hard to keep a smirk off my face.

"Uh, nowhere?" Bella said, hesitantly, her words sounding more like a question than a statement.

I pulled her closer, releasing her wrist while placing one hand gently on her back, the other cradling the back of her head. I would remain in control and I would remain a gentleman, but I needed to feel her.

"Do you have any idea how long I've wanted to do this? Hold you in my arms?" I asked as my eyes closed, enjoying the moment while a satisfied smile spread across on my lips.

"No, but I know how long I've been waiting," Bella replied shyly as she wrapped her arms around my waist, hugging me. I was certain that this was as close to heaven as I would ever get as I held my love, my mate, my partner.

_Getting a little ahead of yourself, aren't you?_

With Bella safely in my arms, I was able to easily ignore the vile creature who mocked me. I was determined to put forth my best effort to have faith in Alice and her visions. Bella knew what I was and she had not turned me away. We had declared our love for one another. I _had _to believe.

"I have so many questions," Bella said as she yawned.

I was unable to stifle a quiet laugh.

"I will answer as many as I can, but not now. You need to rest," I insisted.

"I'm not sure if I can," Bella said sleepily.

"Perhaps I should leave."

"No!" she replied loudly.

I chuckled at her protest. As she began to relax, I decided to hum a tune which was unfamiliar to Bella, but one which I had written for her.

Eventually she fell asleep wrapped in my cold hard arms, but Bella didn't seem to mind. Her unique fragrance engulfed me as I pulled her quilt around her so that she would not get too chilled against my hard, icy exterior. I spent the rest of the night in bliss while I listened to her breathing and watched my true love sleep securely in my protective arms.

* * *

About halfway through the night, Bella had moved her arm so that it came to rest across my abdomen and bent her leg at the knee, slinging it over mine, rubbing against me in a most tantalizing manner. I remained motionless, holding back each and every yearning that urged me to touch her. I had been quite successful beating back both the vile monster and the despicable deviant who both wanted a part of Bella. And then she began to talk in her sleep, and I couldn't fight them anymore.

"I love you, Edward. Hmmm . . ."

An intoxicating groan slipped from her lips. Without thinking, I took a deep breath and inhaled her exquisite aroma. The fire burned in my throat, the venom pooled in my mouth and, as I had experienced earlier in the evening, my body responded to Bella's call, throbbing in the confines of my pants, threatening to rip the fabric as it twitched with each of her movements. The control she had over me was complete. Not only did she have my heart, but apparently she controlled all aspects of my being because the slightest moan from her could elicit the most inappropriate reactions from me. It was almost incomprehensible how much I wanted her. And, she had no idea how easily she could seduce me. She would only have to say the word, and I would give her anything she asked of me.

I was able to somehow hold onto my dubious self-control until I heard my name slip provocatively from her lips again.

"Edward, please," Bella whispered.

I waited. What did she need? What was she dreaming?

"Don't," she pleaded.

What was I doing to her? Was I harming her? How could I be so foolish to think that her dreams of me would be anything other than a nightmare? My suspicious were confirmed when I heard her once more.

"Stop," she moaned.

Without another thought, propelled by the last remaining thread of my sanity, I stopped breathing and leaped from the bed. If I was hurting her I would not forgive myself. However, as I watched her from a safe distance, it did not appear the dream disturbed her. In fact, she had the most unusual expression on her face. What was she thinking? I was feeling rather confused by the entire situation when I heard her again.

"Mmmm," she moaned as her lips parted slightly, the sound alluring, seductive.

Was it possible that I was not harming her, but that I was – no, that was not possible. Was Bella dreaming of me, of us, _together_? I was very thankful that I had removed myself from her bed, otherwise I feared I would have ravished her. The pervert deep inside grinned evilly at the possibility that Bella _wanted _me in that manner.

Remaining safely away from her for the rest of the night had helped as did focusing my attention on the sounds coming from the others in the house, including her father. Without him knowing, it was his snores that had kept me grounded, focused, as I fought against myself to not deflower his precious daughter during the night.

* * *

AN: Okay, let me know what you think. I know this was shorter than the last few chapters, but hopefully more will come quickly. Please leave me a review – good, bad or indifferent. Thanks!


	12. Chapter 12 Fighting for Control

**DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer owns the entire Twilight Series, Edward, Bella and all the other characters we've grown to know and love. No copyright infringement is intended. **_**However, any new or unfamiliar characters in the story are figments of my own imagination. And while I'm at it . . . please know that this story's plot is all **__**mine, too**__**. Please do not translate, copy or reproduce any parts of this story without my express permission.**_

**AN: Here are well deserved kudos for my friend and **_**fabulous**_** Beta, TwilightMomofTwo. I suppose I could try to write this alone, but why would I? Her help and amazing sense of humor gives me the encouragement I need to keep going. ;-)**

Chapter 12 – Fighting For Control

**BPOV**

When I woke up the next morning and realized Edward wasn't in my bed, I was unable to stifle a groan. I was no longer sure if I had actually seen him or if I had been dreaming, but as I thought of him, I immediately smiled. As I slowly sat up in my bed and glanced around the room, I was thrilled by what, or rather who, I saw.

"Edward!" I called out excitedly, jumping out of bed, running toward him and vaulting myself into his lap. When my brain caught up with my actions, I froze, completely embarrassed by my behavior. As I tried to settle my racing heart, I heard him snicker as he placed his arms around me.

"Yes, I'm here. It's a pleasure to know that you're so happy to see me," he said, grinning, even though he seemed a little startled. "And I enjoyed watching you sleep. It was . . . quite entertaining."

Renee had told me on more than one occasion that I talked in my sleep. I could only imagine what I might have said. I blushed, raising my hand to my cheek to feel how warm it was. I recalled my rather _stimulating_ dream and asked nervously, "What did you hear?"

His golden eyes became soft, almost glowing. "You said you loved me."

"You already knew that," I reminded him, smiling, relieved that _my _dream had somehow remained just that – mine.

"It's nice to hear, all the same," he replied, placing his hands on my cheeks and kissing my forehead. At that moment my body reminded me that a visit to the bathroom was overdue.

"Uh, I need a minute," I mumbled. I had been so happy to see Edward that all thoughts of my typical morning routine had been forgotten.

I dashed across the hall, and as I looked into the mirror, the face that stared back at me was that of a stranger. The eyes were too bright, with red splotches across the cheeks. The person I saw seemed much too happy to be me For the first time in _years _I truly was happy. I remembered the words my mother spoke when we first moved to Forks. _''A__ll the happiness is gone from your eyes; they don't sparkle like they used to."_

Well, my sparkle was back and it was all because of Edward. I was myself again – only better. Edward had helped me get back the girl I had once been. I was deep in thought when I heard my mother.

"Bella, honey, is that you?"

I rolled my eyes at the question and opened the bathroom door.

"Yes, I'll be down in a minute," I called out, before re-entering the bathroom and locking the door again.

I wasn't sure who else she was expecting. Maybe I should have told her that it was my vampire boyfriend. I giggled and shook my head – probably not a good idea. I knew I couldn't really tell my parents about Edward being a vampire. I wasn't even sure how I'd tell them about Edward at all which led me to wonder if I'd ever be able to introduce them to him and how long would it take before they would realize he wasn't aging. Although Edward hadn't explained precisely how he'd come to be what he was, I assumed, since he'd said he was seventeen, that it had occurred sometime in 1918 – when he was actually seventeen. I wondered how my dad would feel if he knew the love of my life was technically older than he was. I chuckled quietly to myself at the bizarre nature of the entire situation.

After I had washed my face and brushed my teeth, I opened the door and crossed the hall to return to my room. I still needed to get dressed, but then I recalled Edward was there. I'd just have to take my clothes back to the bathroom to change. As I walked in the room I instantly knew, much to my dismay, that Edward was gone. I couldn't understand why he'd left and my heart began to feel heavy. However, as I made my bed, a note fell to the floor from underneath my pillow. As I picked it up, I noticed my name written in elegant script.

_**My dearest Love**_,

_**I wanted nothing more than to await your return, but your mother and your grandparents are quite anxious to see you. I would love to meet them one day, but this is not that day. I was unable to come up with a believable explanation as to why I would be in your bedroom so early in the morning (having never entered the house through the front door), but I doubt they would have understood or approved anyway. We'll figure it out and one day I will call on you properly.**_

_**Do not fret nor worry in my absence, as I promise to return to your side as soon as I am able. And please remember, my heart belongs to you. **_

_**All my love,**_

_**Edward**_

I clutched the simple note to my chest as a smile stretched across my face. The tightness in my chest had diminished significantly. There was still an empty feeling when Edward wasn't around, but knowing that he'd come back made it so much easier to bear as I prepared for what could possibly be one of the longest days of my life.

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo**

I was very anxious.

We had spent the entire day getting everything ready for Christmas Eve dinner and although I was enjoying my grandparents' visit, I was in no way looking forward to spending time with the Blacks and the Clearwaters. So far my parents had been unable to confirm whether or not Jake would be coming, but Sue had told Renee that Leah would most definitely be joining us. I huffed. I was not in a mood for any drama, especially when all I wanted to do was spend time with Edward. The day had been impossibly long and with Christmas being the following morning, I had no idea when I'd be able to see him again.

It was cold, but the fresh air seemed to calm me, as I stood outside on the back porch. I heard Renee answer the door. She introduced Harry, Sue and Seth to my grandparents, mentioning Charlie and Harry's fishing excursions before reminding my grandmother of her shopping trip to Seattle with Sue. I wondered for a moment where Leah was, but decided I didn't really care. I took a deep, cleansing breath and then walked back into the house. I first looked at Harry, wondering what he might say, but he remained silent as I next turned my attention to his wife.

"Hello, Bella. Merry Christmas," Sue said, walking over and giving me a cursory hug while Seth smiled and waved. Harry kept his distance, but eventually nodded, acknowledging my presence.

"Merry Christmas," I replied as cheerfully as possible before hearing my mother's voice.

"The Blacks are on their way, just running a little late. Jacob and Leah are coming, as well." Renee looked over at me and gave me the 'behave yourself' look. I shook my head and rolled my eyes.

After a short while I found myself alone in the kitchen. Everyone else seemed to be enjoying themselves in the living room. It was nice to hear my parents laughing with their friends. They deserved to be happy. I, however, felt on edge and the intensity of my anxiousness increased when I heard a knock at the door. I listened to the chatter, hoping someone else had heard the rapping, too, but when there wasn't even the slightest lull in the conversation, I reluctantly walked out of the kitchen. Upon opening the door, I was immediately greeted by Sarah Black.

"Merry Christmas, Bella. It's so nice to see you again. It's been much too long," she said, almost appearing sad.

"Thanks. Merry Christmas to you, as well."

I looked past Jake's mom as she walked in the house only to be met by the grim face of Billy. I did my best to smile, but he ignored me, turning instead to face my father.

"Billy, good to see you. It's been a while," Charlie said before extending his arm as they shook hands.

"Thanks for inviting us for dinner," Billy replied, smiling at my dad.

Rachel and Rebecca followed in after their father. I didn't see Jake and Leah. I wondered where they were until I heard a car coming down the street. I waited at the door when I heard Sue say, "Oh, that must be the kids."

A car pulled up in front of the house and I saw Jacob get out. He was much taller than the last time I'd seen him which was only about a month ago and if I didn't know better, I would have sworn he was taking steroids. Nobody got that big so fast. I was reminded of what Edward had said about werewolves. Had he been right? Could Jake really turn into a wolf?

Just as Jacob reached Leah's door, he lifted his nose up in the air, inhaling deeply. I could almost feel the hostility as it rolled off him in waves. When he turned his face towards me, I could see that his thick, black eyebrows were pushed together creating an angry, furious expression on his face, while his eyes had turned dark as night. He no longer looked like the boy I had known. Instead, Jake looked dangerous, almost menacing.

"No!" he ground out between his teeth, his voice laced with fury. He seemed to get edgier by the second as he kept his hand on the passenger side door, not allowing Leah to exit the vehicle. From where she sat, I couldn't see her face and I wondered why she didn't just get out from the driver's side. If I had been her, I would have wanted to comfort my boyfriend. None of this made any sense.

"Jake, what's wrong?" I called out, my voice quivering. He didn't seem to hear me. I started down the front steps, but stopped the second he looked up. The unadulterated rage in his eyes scared me.

"Not possible," he replied, shaking his head, as his body started to twitch. He took another deep breath as he tried to steady his trembling fingers.

"Dad, I think something's wrong with Jacob," I said, looking over my shoulder, as my father and Billy turned to see what I was talking about.

"Jacob." Billy's voice was strong and full of authority, but Jake didn't seem to be listening. "Jacob!" Billy shouted louder.

What in the world was going on?

"I'll call 911," Charlie replied. "He might be having a seizure."

By this time Jacob was shaking with such force that I thought he'd yank the handle off the car door. My father was reaching for the telephone when Billy replied authoritatively, "No. It happens from time to time, ever since the mono. He'll be okay. Sarah, please help me outside."

I could not decipher the expression on Billy's face as he and his wife retreated quickly out the front door and down the walkway without so much as a glance back.

"Is he going to be okay?" Renee whispered to Sue.

"I hope so," was all she said.

Eventually Jacob seemed to relax, but instead of helping Leah out of the car and coming into the house, Jacob got back in and drove away. Billy and Sarah came back inside. As I started to walk into the kitchen, I heard Jake's mom.

"Bella, could I have a word with you, please?"

I swallowed back some of the bile that had suddenly found its way into my throat from the pit of my stomach. I wondered if Jacob somehow knew that vampires had been at the house. Could their presence have caused such a reaction in him? Fearful of what she might say, I looked over at Sarah Black and nodded my head. Perhaps I could feign innocence; no one else had to know what I knew.

The Cullens had always prized their anonymity. I had kept silent so many years ago after Tanya had kidnapped me, before understanding what they were, and I would continue to protect their secrets now that I knew the truth. I wasn't very good at lying, but Edward had just found his way back into my life and I wouldn't jeopardize what we had for anyone – especially not for Jacob.

We walked out into the backyard. I looked over at Jake's mom, waiting for her to say whatever was on her mind, but she only stared at me.

"Is there something I can do for you?" I asked, trying to sound as innocent and polite as possible.

"Not, really. I was just wondering how you were doing and if you've made any _new_ friends. It's been a while since you've been by," she said, trying to smile.

"Um, I'm okay, I guess. But I was under the impression that I was supposed to stay away from Jacob _and_ the reservation," I replied, a small amount of annoyance clearly evident in my voice. I couldn't help but wonder if the question about my new friends had anything to do with the Cullens. I was fairly certain it did, but I was just going to ignore the question.

"Yes, well, that may have been a foolish thing said under duress," she stated. "You and Jacob have always enjoyed each other's company – perhaps you can be friends once again."

"Sure, no problem," I replied sarcastically. "I promised my mom I'd finish a few things for dinner," I said, reaching for the door.

Sarah was quiet for a moment before she turned and followed me back inside the house. I was sure there was more, much more, she wanted to say, but I wasn't in a mood to listen. In any case, I was fairly certain I didn't want to rekindle my friendship with her son. It would only complicate matters with Edward, and he had to come first. Jacob had made his choice and I was not about to encourage a change in the status quo.

Soon dinner was served and everyone seemed fine, as both the conversation and drinks flowed. Billy, Harry and Charlie were talking about fishing while my grandfather listened intently. Sue, Sarah, and Renee discussed the after-Christmas sales they were looking forward to as my grandmother chimed in from time to time with funny stories about past holiday sale events. The twins were involved in their own conversation which was nothing out of the ordinary and every once in a while I looked at Seth as we sat quietly, talking every now and then.

As the evening wound down I busied myself in the kitchen so as to avoid as much conversation as possible. Eventually I heard voices from the living room as the Blacks prepared to leave.

Billy looked over at me as Rachel pushed his wheelchair toward the door, an odd expression on his face. Sarah followed close behind, smiling at me before walking out the door. I couldn't help but get the feeling that they knew the Cullens had been here. Well, maybe not the Cullens, but vampires. Apparently, though, they weren't going to say anything to me. At that moment, I recalled Jacob mentioning how his tribe's legends were supposed to remain secret, yet he had shared them with me at a time when neither of us had believed in such superstitious nonsense.

Apparently, we had both been wrong.

It was not long after the Blacks left that the Clearwaters departed as well, although not soon enough for me, and after a short while my mom, my grandmother and I finished cleaning up. No one had mentioned what had occurred with Jake and I wasn't about to bring it up. I was sure I knew what had happened, but as long as I didn't have to say anything, I would be fine and no one would be the wiser. I knew I would eventually have to tell Edward, but I wondered if he would know Jake had been here, just as Jacob seemed to know that Edward and Alice had been to the house. Maybe by the time I saw Edward again, whatever smell or scent Jake may have exuded, would have dissipated.

As I walked up the stairs, I knew, before opening the bedroom door, that one of the Cullens was there, and I was certain that whoever it was knew the Blacks and Clearwaters had come for dinner. I hoped it was Edward and as such, I didn't want him to be angry with me. It was not like I went to the reservation. I hadn't even known the Blacks and Clearwaters were coming until late yesterday. And, after seeing him in my room last night, I totally forgot about everything else. I wanted to laugh, but was too nervous because something told me that what I was about to see wasn't going to be pretty. I took a deep breath and entered my room.

"Edward," I whispered into the dark. "Are you here?"

I shouldn't have been surprised when the window opened and he jumped in. I was so relieved to see him that I ran straight into his arms.

"It's good to see you, too," Edward said, attempting to smile, but failing miserably.

He released me before walking over and sitting in my rocking chair. I turned on the light on my nightstand before taking a seat on my bed. It was evident that he was far from happy.

"I see you're okay," Edward said, looking rather grim.

"I am," I mumbled. "How long have you been here?"

"Long enough," he replied gravely.

I waited, hoping he would expand on his answer, but after a few moments I could no longer stand the hush that had pervaded the room.

"Did you just decide to stop by or did you know the Blacks and Clearwaters were here?" I whispered quietly.

Again I was met with silence. Edward's eyes were closed, his jaw clenched, his hands balled up into fists. I refused to speak again, deciding instead to putter around my room in an unsuccessful attempt to ignore his unreasonable behavior. I hadn't done anything wrong and didn't appreciate the silent treatment I was getting. If he was going to be angry with me for something I had no control over, how would he react when I actually _did _something he didn't like. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, Edward spoke.

"When I asked you to stay off the reservation, I didn't mean to suggest that they should be invited _here_," he stated bitterly.

"You think _I_ invited them? Have you lost your mind?" I asked angrily.

"It doesn't really matter _who _invited them. The fact remains they were here," Edward curtly replied.

I thought he said something else, but I chalked it off to my overactive imagination. As I looked at Edward it seemed his face could have been chiseled from stone. I took a deep breath, realizing that one of us had to be rational and, apparently, it wasn't going to be him. I didn't like the space between us. Hesitantly I walked over to him and sat down, straddling his lap. I looked at him, taking his face into my hands.

"I wasn't happy about it, but everything turned out fine."

I heard a low growl which seemed to emanate from his chest. His expression remain fixed, hard. It startled me, but I didn't move.

"Edward, no harm was done. I was safe," I reiterated.

This time the growl was louder. My level of anxiety increased and I found myself scrambling off his lap and retreating to the opposite side of my room.

"Bella," he said sternly.

I waited for him to continue, but he didn't say another word. He remained quiet as he stood up and walked over to the window, his head remaining down as if he was staring at the floor.

"Do you have any idea how close I came to barging into your house? What that would have meant?"

Although I didn't really understand what he was saying, I could tell from the tone of his voice that it would not have been good. When he looked up at me, I gasped – his eyes were cold and black.

"Edward, be reasonable," I begged. "I can't keep my parents away from their friends. We've been around the reservation ever since we arrived in Forks two years ago. No one hurt us then and no one will hurt us now."

I could hear him grind his teeth together. He was still standing near the window and, as he leaned on the ledge, the wood began to creak. Edward swiftly backed away from the windowsill, but remained on the opposite side of the room.

"Jacob Black was not a werewolf two years ago," he replied tersely.

That was true, but Jacob had not harmed me. At least not yet. Edward was reacting to something he perceived as a threat. I wouldn't allow my life to be governed by fear and I refused to permit Edward to make me afraid of someone who had previously been my friend. I wasn't sure how or if I'd be able to get him to understand, but I was not giving in. Not on this issue. Still, I hated the distance between us so I took a deep breath before slowly letting it out. Then I, once again, walked over to him. I watched his face as I hesitantly wrapped my arms around him.

"I'm sorry you were worried, but everyone was okay."

"_Worried_ is a bit of an understatement," he muttered.

"Well, they're gone now, and I doubt they'll be back any time soon. There's nothing for you to be concerned about," I stated cautiously.

"I won't worry because it won't happen again," Edward replied emphatically.

"I have no control over my parents. But if the Blacks or Clearwaters come here or if I'm forced to accompany my parents to the reservation, you're not going to overreact. You just have to remember that I _will_ be fine."

"If the Blacks or Clearwaters visit your parents, you'll find a reason to not be home," Edward said decisively.

"Ugh, you're being absolutely unreasonable," I grumbled.

"It doesn't matter. I'm not going to allow you to risk your life," Edward stated categorically.

"Being around the Blacks and Clearwaters is not a problem. Certainly they're not all werewolves," I stated firmly. Although I didn't want to spend time with them, it was getting under my skin that Edward wanted to control me. He didn't know how stubborn I could be if he forced the matter.

Suddenly I heard a buzzing sound as Edward reached in his pocket for his phone and answered it.

"Alice, this had better be important."

I watched Edward carefully as he listened to his sister without saying a word. Finally he hung up and looked at me.

"I'm sorry," he said, attempting to be calm. "I forget you don't know everything, that this is all new to you. I still have to provide you with many answers. Please believe that my only desire is to keep you safe. All I care about is that you're free from danger."

"I think you're a little too late for that," I chuckled. "I'm in danger just walking across a flat, stable surface. If you've been watching me, you know how clumsy I am. Surely you've seen my awkwardness over the years," I muttered.

"True, but your life was never really in danger before. Dealing with werewolves is a totally different story," Edward answered gloomily.

"I don't want to cause you to worry and I really don't plan on hanging out at the reservation, but if my parents invite their friends here, to this house, there's really not too much I can do about it," I moaned.

"You're right. I'm being selfish. We'll just make sure you're not home," he stated.

"Edward, I'm tired and I just want to go to sleep. I don't even have the energy to ask questions tonight," I yawned.

"Come, my love, let's lie down so you can go to sleep."

"Will you stay with me?" I asked as my eyes began to shut.

"Always and forever," Edward whispered just as I fell asleep.

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo**

**EPOV**

Everyone in Bella's house was awake, except my sweet girl. Several times, both her mother and grandmother had contemplated coming to her room to make sure she was alright, but both, fortunately for me, had changed their minds before setting foot on the stairs. Each time, I was poised to skip out the window, only to return to Bella's side as soon as they abandoned the thought. Especially Renee. Flighty and easily distracted, that one. Finally, Bella began to stir as her breathing changed and she began to wake up.

I took great pleasure from watching Bella as she stretched, her slender arms raised above her head and her long legs extended. As she arched her back, my eyes were immediately drawn to her chest as I stared at her round, perfectly formed breasts. My lower regions stirred, but I willed the thought away. This was obviously not the time to sport an erection, and I had a firm word with my irresponsible and utterly inappropriate manhood. I swallowed back some venom as my hands began to twitch with an overwhelming desire to run my fingers over her graceful figure. Silently I urged her to wake up.

When Bella finally opened her eyes, she looked around, as disappointment spread across her face and a subtle groan escaped her luscious pink lips. That sound, amongst countless others I had heard during the course of the night, none less seductive, was the precise reason why I was currently sitting in the rocking chair, as far removed from temptation as possible within the confines of the small room.

"Edward!" she called out happily before scrambling out of bed, running over and leaping into my open arms. Suddenly she froze, quite possibly surprised by her own enthusiasm. I listened as her heartbeat quickened and the sweet aroma of her blood wafted into my nose, swirling around my throat. I was unable to hold back the grin that spread across my face, chortling, as I tenderly placed my arms around her. Bella's delicate fragrance was captivating, but my control never wavered, the monster staying securely locked away. The control over other parts of me, however, was a completely different matter.

"Yes, I'm here. It's a pleasure to know that you're so happy to see me," I grinned. "And I enjoyed watching you sleep. It was . . . quite entertaining."

The look on her face was priceless. "What did you hear?"

Her face glowed a stunning shade of pink as the blood traveled up her elegantly slender neck until it came to pool in her cheeks. Bella's heart rate was slightly elevated. I was certain she realized that I had, in fact, heard her and watched her while she dreamed, but I wanted to relieve her anxiety if I could so I answered politely, "You said you loved me."

"You already knew that," she replied, a shy smile on her lips as her face began to return to its usual coloring.

I didn't want her to feel ashamed or embarrassed, but was afraid that if I mentioned her dream, it would only serve to increase her trepidation so I replied, "It's nice to hear, all the same."

Cupping her face in my hands, I gently pulled her toward me and kissed her forehead. She let out a sigh and relaxed for just a moment before her body stiffened.

"Uh, I need a minute," she muttered, fidgeting in my lap before sliding herself back as she stood up. I immediately felt a tightness in my pants.

She got up quickly, skipping out the door across the hall into the bathroom. No sooner had Bella entered, did Renee call out.

"Bella, honey, is that you?" _"I thought I heard something upstairs. Bella's been so tired, I __ hope she got a good night's sleep.__" _

Bella opened the bathroom door.

"Yes, I'll be down in a minute," she said before shutting and locking the door.

Bella's grandmother contemplated coming up to the room to make Bella's bed. She wanted to speak privately with her granddaughter, but it wasn't clear what specifically she wanted to discuss. Although she changed her mind, Bella's grandmother was still anxious to spend time with her. I hesitated leaving before Bella returned to her room, but I also considered the fact that the longer Bella remained upstairs, the more likely it was that someone would come check on her.

I listened as Bella freshened up. Once again my instincts urged me, upon her return, to grab hold of her and kiss her all over. Unfortunately, my body responded, too. Again. I was taken aback by the twitching in my pants. For the love of all that was holy, I didn't understand why could I not maintain control over my thoughts and my body's reactions to those mental images.

I needed to leave, but I didn't want to just vanish. I took a piece of paper from Bella's desk to write her a note. She needed to know that although I would not be waiting for her when she returned, I would come back, hopefully sooner rather than later. One day I would meet her parents properly. I also needed her to know how precious she was to me.

For a moment, I once more pondered over the idea of staying when her grandmother decided to wait in the living room for Bella, but thought better of it. She needed to enjoy the time she had to visit with her family. I carefully placed the note under her pillow and left out the window. Once out of the house, my phone vibrated. It, of course, was Alice.

"The note was a nice touch," she said, giggling like a school girl. "Bella will absolutely love it."

"Thank you, Alice," I replied, grinning. "I'm going to hunt. Where is everyone?"

"Carlisle's at the hospital, Esme's in her office and the rest of us have been waiting for you," Alice stated.

I listened, hoping to learn what she was keeping from me, but she only laughed. I was still too far away to hear her thoughts so I was forced to ask. "Why?"

"Well, Christmas is tomorrow and I thought you'd like to know what you're getting Bella," she said, matter-of-factually.

"Bella doesn't like gifts so I was thinking of giving her one of my mother's pieces of jewelry," I answered.

"I think you may be rushing things just a bit, Edward. Most girls would love jewelry, but Bella is _not_ most girls; however, she does need a cell phone and I've seen that although she'll be hesitant, she will accept one," Alice stated.

"Are you sure? That seems quite extravagant," I replied.

"Yes, it will be fine. You'll add Bella's phone to our family plan and since it will be a new number, you can get a phone at no cost or at a significant discount. Bella will be reluctant, but once you explain that not much money was spent, I see that she'll take it," Alice said. I could almost hear her grinning.

"Do I have time to hunt first?" I asked. I wanted to see Bella again later in the evening, and knew that it was imperative that I hunt.

"We need to get to Port Angeles soon, before the stores close early for Christmas Eve. There will plenty of time for you to go later," Alice replied.

Succumbing to her wishes, I ran toward the house to meet everyone before going shopping. I was excited about getting Bella a gift, I just wasn't in a mood for hours of running through a mall with my sister.

As it turned out, Bella's inexpensive Christmas gift ended up being rather costly. All the free phones were useless and not one looked like Bella, according to Alice. By the time all necessary accessories were purchased, I was afraid Bella would not accept the rather generous present, but Alice assured me everything would work out provided that I present the gift to Bella one evening after taking her to a movie in Port Angeles.

Well, and I sure as hell am not going to tell her what this cost. Ever.

After returning to the house to drop off Bella's Christmas gift, I immediately went hunting. I was anxious to return to Forks. Upon my return, I showered and changed my clothes when I suddenly heard Alice before she entered my room.

"_Edward, everything has disappeared again."_

As Alice walked in, I saw Bella at her home with her parents and grandparents, preparing for dinner. Another family was also in the room when suddenly everything vanished.

"Jacob Black," I muttered, my rage beginning to boil to the surface. "I need to leave now," I said fiercely.

"No, you can't go. I can't see what's going to happen," Alice insisted, concern evident on her face. I knew she saw me going to Bella's home, but then I disappeared as well which was rather disconcerting to her.

"If Jacob is a wolf, Edward, he can't know that we're involved in Bella's life. He won't understand." Alice's voice went up a few octaves as her anxiety level increased, but there was no way I was staying. I _had _to be near Bella.

"Yes, I know, but I don't think he'll phase in front of her entire family. They need their secrecy as much, if not more, than we do," I said emphatically. "I _have_ to go, Alice."

"Then I'm going with you," she replied hastily.

"No," I insisted as Jasper appeared in my room. I had been so focused on what Alice was seeing that I had not consciously heard him come up the stairs.

"Edward's right, Alice. You can't go," he stated. _"I can't lose her," _he thought as I looked up, attempting a smile. I nodded my head in understanding.

"Alice, you've done enough. It's time I handled this. You've told me for years to have faith in you. Now you need to trust me. I will not confront Jacob Black. I just need to get close enough to ensure Bella's safety. I'm sure Jacob will not know of my presence."

Alice sighed as Jasper put his arm around her shoulder, pulling her close to him as he kissed the top of her head. He silently thanked me.

It didn't take long for me to get close enough that I could hear Bella's family. I could see her through her interactions with her family, but she remained verbally and, of course mentally, quiet. Apparently the family that Alice had seen were the Clearwaters. The fact that Alice had been able to see them seemed to indicate that no one in that family was a werewolf nor did they have any abilities which prevented Alice from seeing their futures. I took some small amount of comfort in that.

I heard Renee as she introduced the Clearwaters to Bella's grandparents. I saw Bella through the mind of Harry Clearwater.

"_This is rather awkward,"_ he thought, recalling a conversation he had with Bella wherein he advised her to not bother Jacob and to leave him alone. He also remembered that he had told her that there were things about the Quileutes that she didn't know. Little did he know how wrong he was.

Seeing Bella's face as Harry recalled how upset she was that day only served to fuel my anger and hatred toward Jacob Black and confirmed, once and for all, that it was without a doubt Jacob who had become a werewolf. Harry's thoughts then drifted to his daughter as he thought about how Jacob had imprinted on Leah. As images of their relationship ran through Harry's mind, I wondered if wolf imprinting resembled vampire mating. From what I could gather, it seemed that was the case. That was certainly something worth discussing with Carlisle.

Thus far nothing out of the ordinary was on anyone's mind except that Bella appeared rather apprehensive, regardless of who looked at her. Her dissatisfaction with the Clearwaters' presence was clearly evident on her face.

"Hello, Bella. Merry Christmas," Sue Clearwater said as she walked over to Bella, giving her a perfunctory hug as Bella responded in the same manner. I could hear from the tenor of her voice that she was trying to be polite, but I recognized the strained tone, as well.

"The Blacks are on their way, just running a little late. Jacob and Leah are coming as well," Renee stated. I immediately tensed, knowing I could not let my temper get the better of me. I had promised Alice that I would not do anything rash. I wanted to be closer to Bella, but I did not dare, especially as I was not sure how close I could get before Jacob realized I was nearby. I was already very concerned that he would be able to detect our scent as we were able to detect theirs and I was worried about a possible confrontation with Bella.

_It would be your fault if something happened to her._

I shuddered to think about him phasing anywhere near Bella and all the possible implications of that action, knowing that I would be immediately at her side should that occur. I pushed such catastrophic thoughts out of my mind. I would do everything in my power to prevent Jacob Black from being alone with Bella.

Most of the thoughts centered on the holiday and the company they were enjoying. Every now and then Renee looked around for Bella, but she wasn't there. I hoped she was in her room, but knowing Bella, she was probably in the kitchen, helping to make sure the dinner was a success. My girl was very thoughtful. It was just one more thing that made me love her as I tried to convince myself that she was fine because neither Renee nor Charlie were concerned with her absence in the living room.

In keeping a safe distance from the house, it was not until the Black family arrived on Bella's street that I was able to hear them. Sarah Black was concerned about seeing the Swans. They had been such good friends and she was sad that they had not spent time together since Bella's birthday. Billy Black was concentrating on several occasions when Sam Uley had attempted to confront Jacob over the situation with Bella and Leah. He wondered if Sam had said anything to Bella, but Billy's mind was already made up and he was not going to discuss anything on the matter with my girl.

I watched as they knocked on the door and Bella answered.

"Merry Christmas, Bella. It's so nice to see you again. It's been much too long." Sarah Black tried to sound cheerful, but her thoughts gave her away. _"I'm happy that Jacob has imprinted. Leah comes from a good strong family, but I know he misses the relationship he shared with Bella. I wish he could tell her why they're no longer friends. The secrecy has put such a strain on everything." _

Bella responded politely. "Thanks. Merry Christmas to you as well." I wished I could hear what was in her mind. Somehow I doubted it sounded as amiable as her spoken words.

Billy entered behind Sarah, his wheelchair being pushed by one of his daughters. His thoughts focused on his wife as he pondered over the fact that she missed spending time with Renee. They had become very close and Billy had been the one to forbid Sarah from remaining friendly with Renee. He thought it would be too difficult for the two women to not end up discussing Jacob and Bella. Even though he knew how much it hurt Sarah, Billy's first priority was the tribe and their secrets.

I did not understand his way of thinking in the least. I would protect my family at all costs, but my love, devotion and allegiance to Bella came first. If I had to choose between what was best for Bella and my family, I would choose her every day and twice on Sundays.

Bella's needs, wants and desires came above all else so I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that Billy Black was willing to sacrifice his wife's happiness. Sarah certainly had to know the consequences of sharing the tribe's most well-guarded secrets with Renee Swan. He should trust her judgment. I shook my head, unable to make sense of his thoughts.

Billy was also concerned about seeing Bella again. He wondered if she realized what his son had become. Apparently Jacob had confessed to sharing the tribe's legends with Bella, but he was quick to point out that neither he nor Bella had believed them at the time and Jacob was certain that Bella still didn't believe. It was a very good thing that he didn't know how wrong he was.

Billy did not speak to Bella. In fact, he totally ignored her. A part of me was pleased, while another part was angered. She had done nothing to him and he was being absolutely rude. He was, after all, her father's friend. I saw Charlie walk up to him.

"Billy, good to see you. It's been a while." They shook hands as Billy replied. "Thanks for inviting us for dinner."

It appeared from the smile on Billy's face that the only person he was not happy to see was my precious Bella; his mind confirmed my conclusion.

Jacob's twin sisters followed behind their father. They were in their own little world thinking about college, boys, and their brother. Apparently they didn't know what he had become since they had been away at school when it happened and, as such, they were still protective of him. They were both quite confused by the fact that Leah was now dating Jacob and they had both tried to discuss this with Sarah, but she reverted to Jacob who remained very tight-lipped. Sam Uley had not been by the Black's home since their return from school for the holiday break so the twins were curious as to how he was handling the situation.

I heard a car which seemed to be heading in the direction of the Swan home. At that moment, Jacob Black's thoughts slammed into my mind. He seemed conflicted. He knew his life would always be centered around Leah Clearwater, but he wanted to regain at least some part of his friendship with my Bella. I felt defensive as the desperate need to protect my mate flew to the forefront of my mind, but I was able to calm myself because his thoughts were not the same as they had been during Bella's birthday party. Apparently he only wanted friendship with Bella. I was unable to hold back a sinister laugh. I would have loved to tell him that he wouldn't even get that.

He pulled up to the house and exited the vehicle. As he was about to open the passenger's side door, he raised his nose up in the air, inhaling deeply. His mind was instantly filled with rage.

"_Vampires,"_ he mentally seethed as his fists clenched and his eyes slammed shut. A scowl etched itself across his face and, without thinking, he inhaled again, repulsed as much by my scent as I was by his.

I began running, an innate need to be closer to Bella surpassing all rational thought. I wasn't sure how close was too close, but I stopped suddenly when I heard Jacob again.

"_Nose. On fire."_ His mind was angry as his enraged thoughts continued.

"_Burning. Pain. Can't breathe."_

Jacob was trying to maintain control, using all the strength he could muster. He refused to allow his instincts to take over, but he was unable to suppress a growl at the stabbing pain that surged through his nostrils with his last breath. The fury in his mind, the pure hatred of our kind was clearly evident in his thoughts as my concern for Bella once again slammed to the forefront of my mind.

"No," he mumbled. He didn't want to believe we'd been there, but his natural proclivity screamed vampire. He wasn't sure _how_ he knew what had suddenly caused this reaction in him, but there was no room for doubt _what_.

"_Where?"_ he wondered as he looked around quickly, gulping air and wincing with each breath.

I swallowed an increasingly large amount of venom when I heard Bella's quaking voice call out. "Jake, what's wrong?" Through his eyes I could see that Bella had started down the front steps in an effort to comfort her former friend.

"No, Bella. Stop," I urged her quietly, knowing that she was too far away to hear me. It felt as if a vice had clamped around my icy heart – my body instinctively reacting to the danger involving the love of my life, my existence.

"_Must. Protect. Leah." _

Of course he would think of her before Bella. I didn't like him, not at all, but if I was right about the similarities between wolf imprinting and vampire mating, then I honestly couldn't fault him for wanting to protect Leah as I would protect Bella. His need to protect his imprint would outweigh even his need to protect his own family. It seemed he would do anything for that girl. I knew exactly how he felt. I was still angry at how he had betrayed his former best friend, but if I was honest, I would have to admit that, on some level, I understood.

Jacob glanced down toward the car window as thoughts of love and protection filled him before he quickly looked up at Bella. His mind remained conflicted as he thought about wanting to stay to protect everyone in the house and the overwhelming need to remove Leah from what he believed was a dangerous situation. As he looked into Bella's face, I could see the fear plainly evident in her eyes as she abruptly stopped moving toward him.

He was at war with himself, unable to believe we had been so close to the Swans as he muttered, "Not possible." He was losing control and my instinct to protect Bella kicked in again, causing me to run closer, but I was conflicted. How close was _too_ close? It was then that my phone rang.

"Alice?" I asked before looking to see who was calling.

"Edward, stop. I'm losing your future now, too," she said desperately.

"I can't let anything happen to her, Alice. You know that," I replied urgently.

"But you know what's happening. Nothing bad will occur, I'm sure of it," she said.

"You can't be positive because you can't see anything," I argued, continuing toward Bella's home.

"Do you really think he'll hurt her with everyone there?" Alice whispered.

I slowed, listening to Jacob's mind as I heard Bella call out.

"Dad, I think something's wrong with Jacob."

As I turned my attention to Charlie and Billy, it was apparent both fathers were concerned, but for very different reasons.

"Alice, I've got to go. I'll stay here for now," I said as I hung up, not knowing if she'd actually heard me.

Billy was very concerned that his son would lose control and phase. He needed Jacob to concentrate on remaining calm.

"Jacob," Billy called out, but the boy was too focused on trying to maintain his human form.

"_Settle down," _Jacob thought, chastising himself. _"Can't lose control. Too close to Leah, too many people." _

It sounded like Jacob was losing the battle over his body as it began to shake uncontrollably. He inhaled again which, under normal circumstances, might have been a good thing, but as my scent slammed into him like a ton of bricks his rage increased, only exacerbating his body's need to phase.

"_Must. Relax." _

My patience was running thin. I needed to get Bella away from him or he needed to leave. I wasn't sure how much longer he'd be able to hold onto the tenuous control he had over his natural inclination to phase. He was confused, unable to comprehend why he could detect my scent so close to the Swan's home. Just as his last bit of control was about to fail, his father's voice rang out strong and full of authority.

"Jacob!"

Jacob's head snapped up, his eyes attempting to focus on his father as Billy was wheeled toward his son by Sarah Black.

Charlie wanted to call the paramedics, but Billy blew him off, stating the seizures were a result of the mononucleosis. Apparently that had been the cover story behind Jacob's initial refusal to see Bella; however, Bella's father wasn't totally buying his friend's reasoning.

_"Jacob doesn't look good at all and he's gotten so big. I hope he's not taking steroids__. I don't think Jake would do that, he's smart, but I've seen too much to put my head in the sand."_

"What happened?" Billy asked as he and Sarah approached their son.

"_They've_ been here, at this house, or at least very near. I recognized the sickly sweet scent instantly, even though I'd never smelled it before. I guess _that _part of me knew what it was," Jacob said, vitriolic hatred evident in his words.

"This changes things," Billy said, sounding alarmed. "You'll have to start patrolling Forks now, as well."

Carlisle would definitely need to get in touch and arrange to meet with the tribal elders in light of the fact that Jacob now knew we had been in Forks.

It would not be wise for us to come across one another without first having met and the treaty reaffirmed. Jacob needed to understand that we were the same Cold Ones who his great-grandfather had been in contact with. I was concerned about his reaction when he learned about Bella and me, especially in light of the facts contained in the treaty. Not only had we agreed not to kill any humans, but we had committed to never bite one, as well. For now there was no danger, but I refused to stay away from Bella so the meeting needed to occur sooner rather than later.

_If you change her, you'll break the treaty._

I immediately snuffed out the vicious voice in my head. Now was not the time for an internal debate, especially since no decision had been made one way or the other. As I heard Jacob's voice, my attention was returned to the matter at hand.

"What about Sam?" he asked anxiously.

"Soon," Billy replied, effectively ending that part of the conversation. "Your mother and I need to get back inside before we arouse any more suspicion. Will you be joining us or would you prefer to take Leah home?"

"I think for everyone's sake, I should head back. I won't allow Leah to stay without me," Jacob replied decisively.

Once having decided to leave, his thoughts once again turned to the Swan family. _"Why would _they_ be here? Who do the Swans know? I'm sure if someone new moved into town, Charlie would have mentioned it, although they haven't spent much time together since, well . . . I know things have been strained for a while, but they're still friends. . ."_

Jacob seemed to have finally settled down and I breathed a sigh of relief. As I continued listening to Billy and Jacob, their thoughts focused on the odds that everyone would still believe the current story. Apparently the only people who knew the truth about what had happened to Jacob were the tribal elders, Jacob's mother and Leah Clearwater who was permitted to know the truth surrounding Jacob due to the imprinting.

Billy and Sarah returned to the house as Jacob and Leah drove away. From the look on Bella's face as they passed by her, it was clear that Bella was unsure of precisely what had occurred. Certainly she had not forgotten what I'd told her about werewolves.

I was fairly sure with Jacob heading back to the reservation that none of Bella's family would be in danger. I needed to speak with Carlisle, so I called Alice.

"I'm on my way back. Is Carlisle around? We need to discuss several things, including the fact that it's a certainty that Jacob is a werewolf, and it appears Sam Uley will be the next one to phase. Jacob knows we were here and he's going to start patrolling Forks in addition to the reservation. Carlisle will need to set up a meeting _immediately_," I said hastily.

"He's on his way back home from the hospital now. I'll let him know and we'll see you soon," Alice replied.

Before I even arrived at the house, I was bombarded by numerous thoughts.

"I'll be there in a moment. We'll discuss it then," I replied as the house came into view.

As I explained what I'd heard, Carlisle's thoughts were grim. He didn't seem worried per se, but he was not pleased with the fact that the wolves had returned. He seemed fairly certain that this turn of events was what had caused Alice's blindness and, although the treaty remained in effect, he was wary of discussing the matter with a whole new set of elders and wolves, especially because they were friends of the Swans.

"Do you think there will be a problem?" Jasper asked.

Neither he nor Alice had been with the family the last time we confronted the tribe and all sorts of military strategies were running through his mind with regard to the potential meeting.

"I don't believe so," Carlisle responded. "I had just hoped it would not be necessary."

"We'll need to meet sooner rather than later," I said, emphasizing what I had told Alice. "There is no way I'm staying away from Bella, and who knows how much control Jacob Black will have if he sees me."

"You should be able to hear him before he's able to detect your scent – it seemed fine this evening," Carlisle reminded me.

"You're right. I'm just worried about Bella," I sighed. "I have to make sure she's safe."

"I can see Bella's future again, and I don't see anything else happening tonight, Edward. You should be fine," Alice replied reassuringly.

Saying that I was anxious was an understatement. I finally had Bella in my life and there was yet another complication. It wasn't enough that she had to learn of my true nature, and there was still so much more for me to explain, but now we had to contend with the wolves. I closed my eyes and took a cleansing breath when a wave of serenity passed over me. I opened my eyes and saw Jasper smiling at me.

"Thank you," I said.

"_Any time," _he thought, nodding, as he tugged on Alice's hand, leading her upstairs. I quickly turned my attention to Carlisle as he pondered over the best way to approach Billy Black.

"_I'll need you to be there at the meeting," _Carlisle thought knowing I wouldn't want to leave Bella's side until the matter was resolved.

"I understand, but I won't stay away from her long. And Jacob Black and Sam Uley _must_ be in attendance or I won't be either. There's no way I'll leave her unprotected unless I know they'll be at the meeting with us."

"_I agree, but I doubt that will be an issue since Jacob Black is now technically the head of the tribe as well as the leader of wolf pack, as was his great-grandfather before him. And I'm sure that while we're at the meeting, Alice would be happy to keep an eye on Bella for you," _Carlisle thought, smirking at me slyly.

"Of course I'll be there," I reluctantly agreed. "But I think it would be wise to also include Jasper," I suggested knowing that Carlisle was already thinking the same thing.

"That would be helpful. Young werewolves can be volatile and, hopefully, he can keep them calm. Jasper's military background would be useful as well," Carlisle mused.

"_If you need me, I'll be there,"_ Jasper thought before his mind refocused on Alice.

"I'm going to see Bella. Let me know when a time and place has been determined." And with that said, I was on my way back to Forks.

As I ran toward Bella's house, my thoughts centered on all the things I had yet to tell her. A part of me wanted nothing more than to share everything with her all at once and then beg her to let me change her. Yet, another part of me wanted her to run away, or at least be afraid. I was so conflicted and the wolves' emergence in the situation only made matters more complicated. I couldn't help but wonder how Bella would react when the reality finally set in that we were, in fact, _the same _cold ones who made the treaty with Ephraim Black.

Upon arriving at the Swan's home, I remained in the tree outside her bedroom window. I recognized her steps the moment she began to walk up the stairs. I also knew she had paused before opening her bedroom door. Could she sense that I was near? Did she realize that I knew the Quileutes had been at her home? If she had deduced that Jacob knew we'd been here, it wasn't a very far leap for her to believe that I would know he'd been here, as well.

Suddenly her hear rate was a bit faster as adrenaline began to course through her. Was she afraid that I would be angry with her? Of course, I had requested that she not go to the reservation, and she hadn't. Regardless, there had been real danger although it was by no means her fault. Her physical reactions gave me enough indication to know she must have been concerned about what transpired with Jacob Black. I would just have to reassure her. Of course that and insist she not be home should they be invited to her house again.

I was anxious to see her and take her into my arms. If she did not open the door soon, I would do it myself, but that was not going to be necessary as I heard her take a deep breath as she entered her room.

"Edward, are you here?" she called out meekly.

Although I could see her well enough from where I was perched, her eyes had yet to grow accustomed to the darkness. For some reason she had failed to turn on the light. I didn't want to alarm her, so I quietly opened the window and jumped into her room. What I had not anticipated was Bella's reaction to seeing me – she ran straight at me as I opened my arms welcoming her, carefully pulling her against my cold, hard body.

"It's good to see you, too," I said.

I realized that although she had remained more than a few feet from the boy, she still smelled like wet dog which was absolutely heinous. I could still detect her glorious scent, but the revolting stench of wolf caused my brow to furrow. I tried to smile, but I was certain I had been unsuccessful in my endeavor.

I was reluctant to leave her side, but needed some space so I released her hand as I walked over and sat down in her rocking chair, hoping she would relax on her bed and, fortunately for me, that was precisely what she did. As she turned on the light, I decided to delve right into the less desirable topic of Jacob Black so that once it was over, we could have the rest of the night unfettered by such unpleasant conversations and we'd be able to focus solely on each other.

"I see you're okay," I stated, more curtly than I had intended.

"I am. How long have you been here?" Bella asked nervously.

"Long enough," I replied emphatically. I wasn't angry with her, but she needed to comprehend the gravity of the situation.

"Did you just decide to stop by or did you know the Blacks and Clearwaters were here?" she asked in whispered, anxiety-filled tones.

As much as I tried, I couldn't suppress the fury that raged like an inferno at just hearing the names of those who had treated Bella so poorly and who could harm her so easily. It was infuriating that I would be forced to meet with them and come face to face with _him –_ the child who seemed destined to follow in Ephraim Black's footsteps. I could not lose control, nor was it Bella with whom I was truly angry and yet she was the one speaking their names. In an effort to calm myself I closed my eyes. My jaw clenched shut and my hands balled themselves into fists.

I was afraid of scaring Bella so I remained quiet. Apparently she was not easily frightened because she began to move around the room. I opened my eyes and didn't need to read her mind to know that she was upset with me.

"When I asked you to stay off the reservation, I didn't mean to suggest that they should be invited _here._"

I mentally cringed the moment the words escaped my mouth. I hadn't meant to sound so bitter, so indignant. I only meant to emphasize the severity of the situation.

"You think _I_ invited them? Have you lost your mind?" Bella retorted, obviously incensed.

She was right, of course, but it seemed I was set on digging that hole a little deeper for myself.

"It doesn't really matter _who _invited them," I said briskly. "The fact remains they were here. As for my mental stability, I suppose that could be called into question," I muttered under my breath. I doubted Bella heard me.

If I had been of a sound, logical mind, I would have left her a long time ago. I would not have put her in such a predicament, one she was yet to be made aware of.

I heard Bella take a deep breath as she began to very slowly walk over to me. I watched as she straddled my lap causing certain parts of my anatomy to literally jump for joy. I gazed into her chocolate brown eyes as she took my face in between her soft, warm hands.

"I wasn't happy about it, but everything turned out fine," she said softly.

I suddenly hated the word fine. What was _fine_ about him coming to her house? What was _fine_ about her parents being friends with my enemies? I was unable to hold back a low growl from deep within my chest. I thought my outburst would startle Bella, but she didn't move.

"Edward, no harm was done. I was safe," she said again, in a meager attempt to calm me.

It didn't work. I was helpless to maintain control as a louder growl escaped from me. Only this time, I had frightened Bella as she scrambled off my lap, retreating to the opposite side of the room. My heart broke at the sight of her, fearful of me.

"Bella," I said, pausing to make sure I had her attention. I wanted to go to her, pull her warm, supple body against mine. I _had_ to make her comprehend the severity of interacting with werewolves. I remained quiet, looking down, getting up and walking over to the window, staring at the floor.

"Do you have any idea how close I came to barging into your house? What that would have meant?" I asked, desperate for her to understand.

I was very frustrated that she couldn't or wouldn't appreciate the danger. I was becoming extremely agitated, but not with her – with myself. I was not conveying the message I needed and I could feel the rage over the entire werewolf situation take hold. I should have left, but I refused to go, believing that Bella would not let me back in if I left her upset.

Eventually I looked up at her, into her searching eyes and heard her gasp, knowing that my eyes were no longer golden, but rather black.

"Edward, be reasonable," she pleaded. "I can't keep my parents away from their friends. We've been around the reservation ever since we arrived in Forks two years ago. No one hurt us then and no one will hurt us now."

I knew the simple answer, but her refusal to cooperate and do what I asked got the better of me as I ground my teeth in frustration. Without thinking, I leaned on the window ledge and heard the wood as it began to crack under the pressure. I swiftly backed away, retreating to the farthest corner of the room from Bella. If I was not in complete control, I could not be near her.

"Jacob Black was not a werewolf two years ago," I replied brusquely.

It was clear from her elevated heart rate and quickened breathing that Bella was upset, possibly annoyed with me to say the least. She did not grasp how real the threat of wolves were – that they could injure her so easily with no effort whatsoever.

_So unlike you?_

I was in no mood for the vitriolic voice because I knew I would never harm her.

_Never?_

I reached up and pinched the bridge of my nose, an old human habit I still retained. The movement was so quick that I didn't think Bella even noticed, but the vile creature deep within served to remind me of what I could do to her if I ever lost my control. Of course there was always the possibility, regardless of how remote, that I could bite her, but that was just one problem. I was fearful that I would become so overwhelmed by my desire for her that I would completely ravage her and, in the process, break every bone in her fragile, delicate body. In either scenario, I would hurt her and, most likely, end her life.

Apparently I had been lost in my thoughts, something which must have annoyed Bella as I heard her take another deep breath before very slowly exhaling. I was about to speak when she got up and approached me for the second time since my arrival. She stared into my face as she carefully, as if she was unsure of herself, wrapped her slender, delicate arms around me.

"I'm sorry you were worried, but everyone was okay."

"_Worried_ is a bit of an understatement," I muttered under my breath.

"Well, they're gone now, and I doubt they'll be back any time soon. There's nothing for you to be concerned about," Bella cautiously answered.

"I won't worry because it won't happen again," I stated categorically. She would not be around them regardless of what her parents wanted. I wouldn't stand for her to be in danger. I would find a way for her to be out of the house.

"I have no control over my parents. But if the Blacks or Clearwaters come here or if I'm forced to accompany my parents to the reservation, you're _not_ going to overreact. You just have to remember that I _will_ be fine," she replied unequivocally.

"If the Blacks or Clearwaters visit your parents, you'll find a reason to not be home," I answered decisively.

"Ugh, you're being absolutely unreasonable," Bella grumbled.

"It doesn't matter. I'm not going to allow you to risk your life," I stated categorically.

"Being around the Blacks and Clearwaters is not a problem. Certainly they're not _all _werewolves," Bella said firmly.

I couldn't understand why she was being so obstinate. I was about to volley a response back to Bella when my phone vibrated in my pocket.

"Alice, this had better be important."

"Edward, I can see you're just annoying her and she's going to ask you to leave if you don't stop," Alice said with a huff. "You're not going to get her to comprehend the danger tonight. She's spent too much time with them without anything happening. All you're doing is pushing her _to _them. You need to settle down and take a step back before the entire situation blows up in your face. You can thank me later," she said before hanging up. I pocketed my phone.

"I'm sorry," I said, attempting to regain my composure. "I forget you don't know everything, that this is all new to you. I still have to provide you with many answers. Please believe that my only desire is to keep you safe. All I care about is that you're free from danger."

"I think you're a little too late for that," Bella chuckled mirthlessly. "I'm in danger just walking across a flat, stable surface. If you've been watching me, you know how clumsy I am. Surely you've seen my awkwardness over the years."

"True, but your life was never really in danger before. Dealing with werewolves is a totally different story," I answered laboriously.

"I don't want to cause you to worry and I really don't plan on hanging out at the reservation, but if my parents invite their friends here, to this house, there's really not too much I can do about it," Bella moaned.

I knew she didn't mean to sound so erotic, but the delicate noise she made caused certain parts of my anatomy to awaken.

"You're right. I'm being selfish. We'll just make sure you're not home," I retorted, unable to hold back a slight smirk.

"Edward, I'm tired. I need some rest. I don't even have the energy to ask questions tonight," Bella said as she yawned.

"Come, my love, let's lie down so you can go to sleep."

"Will you stay with me?" she asked as her eyes began to shut.

"Always and forever," I whispered just as she fell asleep.

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo**

AN: I hope you're having a wonderful weekend! Mine has been good so far . . . but a little love in the way of a review could make it better! _**(smiles)**_


	13. Chapter 13 Temptation & Unexpected Gifts

**DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer owns the entire Twilight Series, Edward, Bella and all the other characters we've grown to know and love. No copyright infringement is intended. **_**However, any new or unfamiliar characters in the story are figments of my own imagination. And while I'm at it . . . please know that this story's plot is all mine, too. Please do not translate, copy or reproduce any parts of this story without my express permission.**_

**AN: I can't say enough about my wonderful friend and amazing Beta, TwilightMomofTwo. She is an inspiration to me and I wouldn't want to write this story without her. She laughs at my silliness and keeps me in line, but especially tolerates my whining. She's the best! If you haven't read her stories, you really should. ;-)**

Chapter 13 – Temptations and Unexpected Gifts

BPOV

Much to my surprise, Christmas Day passed by in a blur. Edward wasn't in my room when I woke up, and although I was disappointed, I wasn't surprised. We hadn't seen eye to eye on the whole werewolf issue, having both become rather annoyed with each other until I'd finally given in and fallen asleep.

I had to admit that I could see his point, at least a little. When I had watched Jake shaking and trembling I had been a little frightened, but nothing bad happened. After talking to Billy and Sarah, Jacob calmed down so no harm was done. I was safe, but Edward didn't seem to look at the situation like I did. I tried to see the glass half full and he only saw it as half empty.

As that thought passed through my mind, I smirked. I tried to see the positive side of things, but so often all I could focus on was the negative. Yet, it seemed with Edward back in my life I was able to see things from a whole new perspective, and it was a nice change. I was still annoyed with him, but we'd work it out somehow, of that I was certain.

As much as I wanted to spend time with Edward, it was fun having my grandparents visiting for my last official Christmas at home. We'd had a great time talking, laughing and exchanging presents. I had been completely taken aback when I opened my gifts. Together, my parents and grandparents had given me a laptop and wireless printer for college. The laptop was awesome and so much faster than the old desktop that was currently in my room; though on the downside, they also served as a reminder that I would be leaving home in less than eight months.

Was that all the time I would get with Edward? There was so much about him I didn't yet know, and he always seemed apprehensive to provide answers. I could talk with Alice, but she had advised me to discuss things with Edward. I was stuck in a vicious cycle.

My mind turned to Christmas dinner and how we'd enjoyed our time together, all sitting around the table talking, laughing. The clean-up went quickly and effortlessly, after which I headed upstairs with my new laptop and printer in hand. I was far from a tech nerd, but I was fairly good at reading and following directions so I was anxious to get everything set up. I didn't realize how long I had been sitting on my bed with my face in the manuals when I heard his soft, sultry voice.

"Merry Christmas, Bella."

Silence had pervaded my room up to that point so I was startled by the sound of his voice. While I had hoped that I'd see him today, I hadn't been certain that he'd come by. It was Christmas after all, and I had expected him to spend the entire day with his family.

Once I came to my senses, I quickly got off the bed, nearly knocking everything to the floor in my excitement. I heard a chuckle as I looked into his golden eyes and couldn't hold back a smile.

He seemed much more relaxed than he'd been the previous day so I decided not to bring up the whole werewolf issue at the moment, preferring instead to wrap my arms around him as he pulled me against his hard, lean body. I always felt so safe and secure in his arms, and I wondered why he had been so worried for me to learn his secret.

While it was true that I'd initially been afraid, once my brain kicked in and realized that all the Cullens had ever done was protect me, my fear had vanished. Edward had watched over me, and although I still wanted to talk to him about that, for the first time in years I'd felt whole, complete.

I realized that I hadn't responded to Edward as he gazed into my eyes apprehensively.

"Merry Christmas," I whispered, hugging him a little tighter and nuzzling my face into his chest.

He stepped back just far enough to bring my chin up as he slowly lowered his face to mine, gently caressing my lips. The cool firmness of his mouth was so inviting that without thinking my lips parted slightly as his tongue found its way to mine as they delicately moved about each other for the very first time. I found myself pulling my body closer to his as I, perhaps not so accidentally, rubbed up against him. Before my mind had time to comprehend what had happened, I was standing alone in the middle of my room. I looked around, dazed and confused, as I called out to him.

"Edward?"

I shook my head. Of course he didn't want me. I was an idiot. I was an inexperienced, young girl. Compared to him I was nothing more than a child. He may look seventeen, but he was so much older. It was kind of weird when I thought about it _that _way. He had insinuated there hadn't been anyone, but I didn't know if I could believe him or not. He was a guy and a much older one. How had he gone all those years without...maybe Alice would be completely honest with me.

I sighed before opening the window and calling out to him again. "Edward, please come back."

I waited for a moment, but when a frigid gust blew in causing me to shiver, I closed the window, returning to my bed to finish going through the installation instructions. I sat staring at the words for a while, but it seemed I was too distracted, no longer able to comprehend what I was reading.

I was really annoyed by his behavior. I couldn't believe he had left so abruptly as my doubts slowly turned to frustration, then to anger. While I was inexperienced I had thought that the kisses we'd shared were special, not to mention the nights he spent keeping me company while I slept.

I shook my head, slamming the books closed and tossing them on the floor. I quickly set aside the laptop and printer. Just as I reached for the doorknob, having decided to go back downstairs, I suddenly heard his soft, repentant voice.

"Bella, I'm sorry."

I wanted to remain angry at him. He needed to understand that it wasn't okay for him to just leave like that. I'm sure he had thought there was a good reason, but I couldn't for the life of me think of what it was. I released the handle, turning to face him, leaning against the door.

"What precisely are you sorry for?" I asked, unable to hold back the sarcasm.

"I shouldn't have done that," he replied hesitantly.

"Done what?" I asked again in frustration.

"I shouldn't have run away," he mumbled so quietly I barely heard him.

"Why did you?" I wondered out loud.

He sighed, glancing around the room, but not at me. I realized he probably didn't want to hurt my feelings, but he had most likely left because of my actions. He didn't want that, not with me. I felt the tears begin to well up in my eyes.

"Bella, what's wrong? I won't run like that again, but I don't want to hurt you. Please forgive me," he begged, his words spilling quickly out of his mouth.

Before I realized what was happening, I was wrapped up in his arms again as he kissed the top of my head, then my forehead before pulling me against him. We stood there for a moment before his hands cupped my cheeks, bring his lips to mine. I didn't want him to kiss me because he felt sorry for me so I let go of him and tried to take a step back, but he wouldn't let me go completely. His hands left my face, but latched quickly onto my wrists as his face filled with confusion.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"It's, uh, I mean...you don't have to, um, it's okay if you don't want..." I couldn't quite get my words out because I was utterly embarrassed.

"What are you saying?" Edward looked confused as he let go of my arms, grabbing hold of my waist before I could go anywhere and pulling me to him.

I looked down, shaking my head and let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. "I know you've lived a long time. I know I'm young and inexperienced. I can understand why you might not..."

I paused, not wanting to finish for fear of my voice cracking. I wasn't exactly ready for sex with Edward, but the possibility of _eventually_ had crossed my mind. If he didn't want me _that _way, I wasn't sure how I would react.

"Bella," he said, drawing out the 'A' in my name a bit longer than usual, the tone of his voice changing slightly as it got a little higher. "We've gone over this before. There's never been anyone but you. Yes, I have done many things during the course of my existence – "

He stopped for a moment, a sad expression quickly came over his face, but it disappeared just as fast. If I hadn't been looking directly at him, I would most certainly have missed it. "There are things I still need to tell you, explain, but in one way at least I am as untouched as you." A very small smile began to spread across his lips.

He had told me this before, but I still couldn't imagine a guy going, well, over a hundred years without sex. I'd seen guys at school. I'd heard girls talk. I was a virgin, but I wasn't stupid.

"Edward, it's okay," I started to say as he abruptly cut me off.

"You don't believe me?" he asked, his face suddenly appeared bewildered, almost angry. "I may have omitted the truth from time to time, but I've never told you a lie." He let go of me and started pacing around the room.

I immediately felt bad for having doubted him. "It's just hard to imagine," I said shyly.

"You have no idea," he replied, turning back to look at me. "But it doesn't make it any less true. I love you, Bella. Only you. There was never anyone before you and there will never be anyone other than you. You're it for me," he said, his voice full of devotion.

My heart jumped at his words. I couldn't believe he really wanted me. At that moment, I remembered college.

"I don't think I mentioned this before, but I'm leaving for college in August. I'm graduating early and going to the University of Washington," I mumbled, not sure if I really wanted him to hear me.

"I know," he replied nonchalantly.

"Wait, I don't recall telling you so how do you know?"

Edward's eyes got wide as he seemed to remember something. He shook his head, remaining quiet for a few minutes, before answering. "I'm going, too."

"Going where?" I was confused until it occurred to me that he must have meant that he was going to college, too. "What? You are?" I felt my heart squeeze as it dawned on me that we wouldn't be together, but then realized that he hadn't said where he was going so I quickly asked, "Where?"

"Uh, the University of Washington," he said looking around the room.

"Really?" I asked excitedly.

"Yeah," he replied sheepishly.

"So, wait. Did you know I was going there? Aren't you a little old for college?" So many questions were running through my head, and I couldn't get them out fast enough.

"Slow down, Bella," Edward laughed. "I told you I'd answer your questions. Let's take a seat. It might be a while."

He sat on my bed, leaning back against the headboard as I cuddled into his side, and he wrapped his arm around me. I was quiet for a few minutes, fiddling with the buttons of his shirt, when I finally looked up into his golden eyes. He was looking at me intensely, seeming a bit nervous.

"You can tell me. I'm not going anywhere," I whispered.

"I think I'm finally beginning to believe that," he said, a shy smile on his face.

After a few more silent moments he said, "Some of us have gifts, talents, if you will. Alice, for instance, can see things – things that haven't yet, but might happen."

"No...are you trying to tell me that Alice can see the future?" I asked. I was sure Edward was kidding, but the look on his face told me he was absolutely serious.

Edward was quiet before answering. "Alice's visions are subjective. The future isn't set in stone. Her visions change, depending on the choices people make, but more often than not, what she sees usually does occur."

He waited for my response. As I allowed his words to sink in, I really was not surprised. In a sense I had known all along.

"It always seemed to me that she could read my mind," I said laughingly. "Now I know why."

Edward looked paler than normal, if that was even possible. I wondered what I'd said wrong as my eyebrows furrowed, questioning the look on his face. Quickly, Edward looked away as I sat up to face him, once again baffled at his reaction. He wasn't looking at me as I sat with my knees crossed on my bed, my shins touching his outstretched legs, I found my fingers drawing circles on the knee of his pants.

Just as I was about to ask what I'd said or done, he turned back to look at me and said, "Do you realize that the only date we've been on was the one orchestrated by Alice?"

"Hmm, I hadn't actually thought about that, but I guess you're right," I replied, wondering why he brought that up.

"I'd very much like to take you to a movie. Would you…like to go?" he cautiously asked.

I almost laughed. He seemed so nervous as if there was even a remote possibility I'd say no, but I didn't want to make him any more apprehensive than he already appeared.

"I'd love to," I replied with a smile.

"Thank you," Edward said tenderly as he gave me his most handsome smile. "How about the day after tomorrow – the twenty-seventh?"

I wondered what was wrong with tomorrow, but just shrugged. "Okay," I agreed as I continued tracing swirly patterns on his leg.

After a few moments of silence, he leaned forward, taking one of my hands in his as he pulled me closer to him. I shifted my body so I was once again cuddled securely at his side, his arm draped over my shoulder. With his free hand, he tilted my face up as he leaned down to kiss me. It was just a sweet, tender kiss, but it was perfect. Warmth, happiness and crazy tingling sensations coursed through my body. Edward began to sit back, but I wanted more so I scooted myself up a little further and reached for his cheek, stretching myself up so we were face to face.

A smile danced across his lips as he leaned forward, kissing me again, but too soon he moved back, leaving me breathless. I was feeling frustrated so I got up on my knees, took his face in both my hands and kissed him with as much veracity as I could muster. Without thinking, my tongue peeked out to taste his bottom lip. Suddenly, he groaned as his mouth opened slightly, and his cool breath washed over my face. Feeling a bit stunned and dizzy, my body swayed, but Edward steadied me, pulling me against him.

Before I realized what I'd done, I found myself straddling his lap as my hands found their way into his hair using his bronzed strands to try to keep his lips on mine. I knew he was stronger than me, but at that moment he wasn't fighting against me. I recalled Alice showing me her teeth. I understood how sharp they must be so I was careful to keep my tongue tangled up with Edward's as the tingling sensations continued to spread across my tongue and down into my stomach, causing it to clench. I wasn't exactly sure what I was feeling, but it was fabulous.

I shivered, but not from the cold, and at that exact moment I both felt and heard a rumbling coming from Edward's chest. My first thought was a growl, but it was softer – perhaps a purr? Suddenly, and with no understanding of how it happened, Edward and I had traded places. I was flat on my back as Edward bent over me.

He was straddling me, each knee pressing firmly against the outside of my thighs while his hands were placed on either side of my head as he stared intensely into my eyes. What was looking back at me was not the Edward I'd come to know with topaz eyes, but a face that appeared wild and feral, eyes black as night. He was panting hard, and as he brought his face closer to mine, he whispered ever so quietly, "I want you."

Instead of fear, all I felt was excitement. This beautiful creature wanted me. Me. And may God strike me dead, but I wanted him, too.

My eyes closed as what felt like an electrical shock coursed through my spine causing my back to arch, our chests now touching. I reached out to wrap my arms around his neck, but all I got was air. He was gone. Again.

I sat up in bed; I was absolutely flustered, confused as I looked around. Edward was on the opposite side of the room, flat against the wall. I thought for a moment his fingers were actually digging _into _the wall itself. He was still except for his chest which was heaving, his eyes closed.

I didn't dare move, fearing I had done something wrong, and as I recalled the look in his eyes, I instantly wondered if I had crossed a line. I watched him while his body continued to tense. It almost seemed as if he was at war with himself. I was no longer naive enough to believe he didn't like the way we had kissed and touched, but maybe it was too much. I knew he didn't drink human blood, but what if it was still a temptation? What if behaving the way we had caused him to lose some control? It was then that I recalled something Jacob had said to me.

_"...they weren't supposed to be dangerous to us...but there was still a risk for humans to be around them."_

I remained silent, trying to think of what to say, but I was lost for words. It seemed like forever, but eventually Edward spoke.

"I should go," he said grimly.

"No," I gasped, my heart breaking. I couldn't lose him. "Please...stay. I'll be good."

"_You'll _be good? Bella, don't be ridiculous." His voice was full of disdain. "You're not the one who almost –," he stated, abruptly stopping himself midstream.

"Almost what, Edward?" I asked nervously as more of what Jacob said filtered through my mind.

_"They claimed to hunt and feed on __animals__ instead of __humans__; supposedly it was human blood they refused to drink."_

He shook his head. His eyes were downcast. He seemed so despondent. I made my decision right then. I got up off the bed, walking to him when he looked up and said forcefully, "Stop."

I shook my head. Consequences be damned. He was going to understand how I truly felt.

"No, Edward," I replied as I continued towards him. For a moment, from the look of complete terror on his face, I thought he would throw himself right through the wall to escape me, but he didn't. He stayed.

I was standing mere inches from him and he wasn't moving, not breathing, nothing. I could see into his eyes which were still black, but the wild look was gone, replaced by one of anguish.

"Edward," I whispered as I reached for his hand, trying to pry his fingers from the wall. "Please come sit down."

He seemed about to protest when I heard a buzzing sound coming from his pants. Slowly and, it appeared very deliberately, he reached into his pocket, opening his phone without saying a word. After a moment he just as purposefully slipped it back in his pocket and took a step away from the wall which brought his chest up against mine. Perhaps he expected me to back away, but I didn't. I was not afraid. Instead, I wrapped my arms around his waist, and he instantly followed suit. I could almost feel the tension leaving his body as I asked, "Alice?"

"Yes," he murmured. I thought he would elaborate, but he didn't.

"She didn't see you hurting me, did she?" I asked, feeling confident that if Alice had seen something, Edward would have been long gone. "I'm safe with you."

"So _she_ says," he replied reluctantly.

"I trust you," I said quietly yet unabashedly, looking deep into his eyes.

"Don't!" he answered quickly, moving away from me, my arms falling to my sides as he walked slowly toward the window.

I refused to let him run, abandon me. Thoughts of Chris flooded my mind, my chest tightening at the painful memories. I would not allow Edward to leave me over some self-righteous belief that he knew what was good for me just because he was older or stronger. If Alice really saw the future and told Edward I was safe, why couldn't he believe? I did.

I ran to the window, blocking his way. I knew he could push me aside if he wanted, but he stopped.

"Edward, you will not hurt me..._unless_ you leave. If you were really watching over me all these years then you should know that I barely survived when Chris...died," I choked on the words before continuing. "And I didn't love him, I love you. I will not get over you leaving. We need to work out our differences and our fears _together_."

I gazed into his eyes which had returned to a dark golden color.

"Please," I begged.

There was nothing left for me to say. If he didn't believe in himself, in us, there was nothing more I could do.

He was still, unmoving. I held my breath, certain that if I turned my back he would go and never return.

I waited.

He waited.

Eventually, he slowly approached me, his face remaining devoid of emotion. I braced myself for his goodbye when suddenly I found myself in his arms as he embraced me, lifting me slightly off the floor. I feared this was his way of saying goodbye until he spoke.

"Bella, I don't deserve your love or your faith in me, but from this date forward I'll do anything and everything I can to be worthy of you," he said, setting me down gently. "I love you," he murmured quietly.

I hugged him, not wanting him to stop touching me. I needed to feel him to know for a surety that he was really here. After a few moments I looked up into his eyes once more. The anguish was gone, and they were filled with love.

"I love you, Edward," I whispered, stretching up on my toes to kiss his cheek when much to my surprise he turned his head, his lips seeking mine.

After a moment, he kissed my forehead and mumbled, "I'm sorry. I was afraid. I never want to hurt you."

"Edward, the only thing that will hurt me is you leaving. Everything else we can work through," I said, yawning.

"Together," he replied, grinning and snickering quietly. "Come, Love. My precious human needs to sleep."

"As long as you promise to stay," I mumbled, fighting the tiredness that suddenly seemed to take over.

"Forever and always," he whispered. He'd said it before, but this time I was certain he meant it, and with that reassurance I feel into a deep slumber filled with wonderful dreams of Edward.

I woke up rather early the next morning and found that Edward had already gone. He'd left me another note indicating that he was needed at home, but promised to come back that night. I couldn't help but smile. I wanted to roll back over to get a bit more sleep when I heard a knock on my door.

"Bella? Honey, are you awake?"

"Yes, mom. Come on in," I replied, sitting up in my bed. I quickly looked around for any indication that Edward had been in my room, but having found none I breathed a sigh of relief.

"We're going shopping. You know, after Christmas sales, and I'd really like you to come," she said sheepishly. Renee knew charm worked better than force. I wouldn't refuse, even though I wanted to. Then she brought out the big guns.

"Your grandmother's coming, too, of course."

"Sure, mom. No problem," I relented. "Let me get dressed and have some breakfast first, okay?" I sighed.

"Of course, baby, but hurry. We're going to Seattle," she said smiling before walking out the door.

I was tired, not looking forward to the drive, but maybe I could take a nap. I only hoped that I wouldn't talk in my sleep. The last thing I wanted was for my mother to hear me speak Edward's name.

It didn't take long before I found myself aimlessly walking around Westlake Center Mall with my mom and grandmother. There wasn't anything I needed or wanted, except maybe a gift for Edward. The trouble was I couldn't think of what to give him, and the truth of the matter was that I didn't really know him that well. Sure, I had thought about him over the years, but I didn't really _know _him. I wanted my gift to have meaning, not something arbitrary, but I wasn't having any luck.

We'd been shopping, or in my case, wandering, for several hours when my mom and grandmother decided it was time for a late lunch. As we walked toward the food court, I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard a musical, bell-like voice call out excitedly.

"Bella!"

Renee turned around faster than I did and asked, "Who is that?" but I didn't need to see the face that accompanied the voice to know who it was, and I couldn't help but wonder why Alice was in Seattle.

Alice skipped over happily, hugging me before turning to face my mom and grandmother as I made the proper introductions. Renee looked quizzically at me, but before she could say anything, Alice explained that we'd met because her father, Dr. Cullen, had been the doctor who treated me in Port Angeles. My mother who is often rather flighty seemed a bit too on top of her game when she asked why she hadn't met Alice until now. Alice excitedly explained that she would be graduating and needed to keep up her GPA.

"I don't have a lot of time for social activities, but Bella and I have become great friends by email," Alice replied happily.

"Technology is such a wonderful thing," my grandmother said, smiling.

I nodded, looking at Alice. I wanted to know why she was really here and didn't have to wait long.

"Before we go back to school and have to really put our noses to the grindstone, I was wondering if it would be okay for Bella to see a movie with me tomorrow," she said, grinning from ear to ear. "We could see Ocean's Twelve in Port Angeles. George Clooney is so hot," Alice said laughing.

"I think that's a wonderful idea!" Renee said happily.

Alice looked over at me grinning like the Cheshire Cat and replied, "I was hoping we'd have dinner first and then catch the 8:30 movie. It's going to be kind of late when it's over. Do you think it would be alright for Bella to spend the night at my house? We only live about twenty minutes from the theater."

I could only imagine what Alice was up to, but I tried hard to look innocent and pleased with all the unilateral decisions she was making. She must have seen everything would work out, but I couldn't help but wonder what precisely she had up her sleeve.

"That's actually a smart plan," my grandmother said. "I'd hate to see Bella drive so far that late all by herself."

"I totally agree," Renee said, smiling.

Alice clapped excitedly, and I just shook my head, laughing quietly to myself.

"Now that that's all set, I'm going to finish my after Christmas shopping," Alice replied happily. "So nice to meet you, Mrs. Swan and Mrs. Higginbotham."

My mom and grandmother smiled sweetly at Alice as she skipped away.

"She's such a delightful young lady," Grandma said.

"You must invite her over one day," my mother replied.

"Absolutely," I assured her as we continued our way to the food court.

After a few more hours of torture, Renee decided it was time to leave. Charlie had spent the day fishing with my grandfather, and my mother wanted to get home in time for a late dinner. I was even more tired than I had been in the morning and before I knew it, I was sound asleep.

"Bella, honey wake up."

I heard a voice, but I didn't immediately recognize it. I was still tired, but the voices wouldn't go away.

"Come on, sweetie. Time to get up," said another voice.

I tried to recall where I was when I heard hearty laughter.

"Grandpa?" I asked, rubbing my eyes.

"Well, there she is," he replied, chuckling all the while. "Getting too old to keep up with the girls?"

"Very funny," I smirked as I stretched, yawning.

After dinner, while I was cleaning up the kitchen, the phone rang. I hoped it was Edward even if it meant my family would be able to overhear our conversation. I missed him and couldn't wait to see him again. In my haste to answer the phone, I never checked the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Bella?"

Why was _he_ calling me now, after more than three months? Wasn't it enough that he was with Leah? I may have needed his friendship before, but I didn't want anything from him now.

"Jacob," I said indifferently. "Is there something I can do for you?"

"No, not really," he muttered dejectedly. "I just wanted to see how you were doing and wish you a Merry Christmas."

I could not believe what I was hearing. For nearly three months, he had ignored me. When I finally couldn't handle the silence any longer, I made the effort to see him, hoping to mend our relationship. His response? He emphatically told me we couldn't be friends anymore. After that, I no longer had any interest in talking with him.

"Merry Christmas," I replied brusquely.

There was silence on the other end of the phone, but I could hear him breathing. I wasn't going to make this easy on him because I had nothing to say.

"Really, Jake. What do you want? And why, now, does it suddenly matter to you how I am?" I asked cantankerously.

"Bella, don't be like that," Jacob replied sadly.

"Don't you tell me how to act," I retorted angrily. "You have no right. We're not friends anymore, remember? Your words, not mine."

I walked to the sink to finish cleaning up the dinner dishes when, in typical Bella fashion, I slipped on some soapy water that had splashed on the floor. I fell, dropping the telephone. "Ow! Crap!"

"Bells, you okay?" Charlie hollered as Renee suddenly appeared, leaning over and helping me up.

"Phone," I mumbled, looking toward the now dangling handset. By then my grandmother had also made her way into the kitchen to make sure I was okay. She picked up the phone and gave it to my mother as I brushed myself off.

"Who is it?" Renee whispered.

"Jake," I muttered as my mom looked at me curiously. I shook my head. "Not now," I said, taking the phone from my busy-body mother as she walked out of the room.

"Bella? Bella? Are you there?"

"Yeah," I responded.

"Are you alright? What happened?" he asked. It was evident from his tone of voice, he was concerned.

"Yes, fine – slipped on the wet floor," I replied, shaking my head as I carefully turned back around to finish washing the dishes.

Jacob was quiet, not saying another word. Eventually I heard him sigh.

"I'll let you go," he said sadly. There was a pause before he continued. "See you around, Bella." Then the phone was silent.

I couldn't believe his audacity. I knew very well the only reason he called was because he'd realized vampires were around. He didn't care about me before, and I certainly didn't need his concern now. I huffed in aggravation.

It had been a long day. Any amount of time spent shopping was too much time, and all I wanted to do was relax. Unfortunately my mother had other ideas as I passed from the kitchen toward the stairs. I thought she'd let it go without a discussion, but I was sadly mistaken.

"So, what did Jacob want?" Renee asked curiously. She was looking at me as if I could provide the answer to one of the world's greatest mysteries.

"Nothing, Mom," I replied exasperatedly, shaking my head.

"Is he doin' okay?" Charlie asked.

I immediately stopped walking. My father wasn't usually interested. It wasn't that he didn't care, but he left the gossip to my mother. Suddenly, it occurred to me that he may have spoken with Billy.

"Dad, have you talked with Billy lately?"

He chuckled before answering. "Well, he may have said something while we were fishing today."

"Are you going to keep us in the dark?" my mother inquired feverishly.

"Jacob misses Bella," Charlie replied matter-of-factually.

I rolled my eyes.

"I saw that," my father said, laughing.

"Yeah, well that's precisely what I think of the entire situation, and on that note I'm going to bed," I replied hastily.

"Bella," Renee called out.

"I'm tired. See you in the morning," I replied, looking back over my shoulder as I headed toward the stairs. "Good night," I called out.

There were times I wished my mother was more involved in my life, but this was not one of them. She needed to realize that my life was not with Jacob. He had been a good friend, but he made his choice and I'd made mine. Hopefully soon she'd meet Edward. Then maybe she'd stop pushing me toward Jacob.

Before going to bed I needed to pack up a few things for tomorrow evening. Somehow Alice had charmed my mother into letting me stay at the Cullen's house after the movie. She had been so convincing that for a moment even I believed that I was seeing the movie with her instead of Edward. Of course, I knew better, and I couldn't wait for my date with Edward, but I had to hand it to Alice – she had been quite persuasive.

I knew that Edward hadn't arrived yet; I had developed an uncanny ability to sense when he was nearby. I rifled through my closet and drawers, trying to find something nice to wear to sleep in when I was supposedly staying the night with Alice. If my parents only knew the truth they would never allow it. Honestly, if they knew that Edward had spent the past two nights in my room, they would have had a fit.

On that note, I began to wonder exactly how many nights he had been watching me during the course of the years. It was still strange to think about, but it also gave me comfort that he had been thinking of me. A part of me wished he had shown himself to me, but I supposed he had his reasons for remaining hidden. Perhaps one day he'd tell me. As my thoughts returned to the present, it seemed a bit silly that I was so concerned about what I would wear to bed. Edward had, after all, seen me in my pajamas, but it seemed I should wear more than shorts or sweats and an old t-shirt to sleep in at his house.

I was sure Renee had bought me some sort of silky pajamas, nothing sexy – thank goodness – but nice. I just had to remember where they were. Eventually I recalled that the items in question were probably still packed away in a box. As I rummaged through several boxes in the back of my closet, I finally came upon a deep blue silk pajama set. Renee had even had my initials monogrammed on the top left corner. However, as I was about to put the box away, something else caught my eye.

In the corner was something I hadn't seen in years. After the incident with Tanya, my parents decided we needed more family time together, so we spent a great deal of time sightseeing. One of my favorite places had been the Neuschwanstein Castle which sat on a rugged hill above a village in southwestern Bavaria, Germany. The palace, commissioned by Ludwig II, King of Bavaria as a royal retreat, was the inspiration for Sleeping Beauty's Castle in Disneyland.

As I removed the snow globe from it's box, I was amazed at its pristine condition. Renee had bought it for me, but I had always been afraid I would break it so it had remained protected and hidden away. I gently shook it, watching the snow float around the globe and was suddenly reminded of Edward. I had always thought of him as my prince and the very first time I'd seen him I'd even thought of him as Sleeping Beauty's very own Prince Phillip. I closed my eyes, remembering his cool, strong arms around me as he carried me and soothed me, and I realized I had in my hands the perfect gift for Edward. I had always loved my snow globe and now, more than ever, I wanted him to have it because of how important he was to me.

I quickly repackaged the globe, ensuring it was safely and securely in the box before digging out some Christmas wrapping paper and placing Edward's gift on my desk. I couldn't help but smile even though I was nervous at the thought of explaining the significance of it to him.

* * *

EPOV

I was anxious to return to my Bella. I had left before she'd awakened, but the thoughts I'd heard from Renee the previous evening indicated she planned on spending the entire day with Bella. Apparently Renee enjoyed shopping nearly as much as Alice, yet it annoyed me that she was going to insist that Bella accompany her as she did some after Christmas shopping even though she was well aware of Bella's distaste for such activities.

I sighed. There was little I could do, and I knew that I should not interfere with Bella's relationship with her mother. I was not happy about being away from my precious girl, yet a part of me acknowledged that the time apart would be most beneficial – the previous evening I had nearly lost control not once, but twice. And although there was currently some distance between us, I was still distressed and very concerned over my apparent lack of self-control.

Upon reaching home, I had attempted to commit my thoughts to paper by writing in my journal, but was unable to find any relief from my frenetic self-analysis. My next attempt at distraction involved reviewing several medical journals, but I remained unable to focus as horrendous images of a broken and bleeding Bella played in my mind like a slide show. Eventually I went running, hoping to clear my head, but to no avail. There was no relief from the film reel that ran like a never-ending loop in my brain, every new image worse than the previous one. Broken bones, deep cuts in her milky skin and worst of all, bite marks all over her fragile body. If, however, there was one activity that could possibly divert my attention away from my obsessive thoughts, it would be playing my piano so in a last ditch effort I decided to sit and play, hoping to lose myself in the melodious notes. Yet, for the first time in decades, I actually struggled with the music, but as I allowed the harmonies to wash over me I was eventually able to push the terrifying pictures to the back of my mind and focus on the events of the previous evening.

x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o

I recalled being in Bella's room, slowly and gently kissing her. That she would willingly kiss me, a soulless monster, still flabbergasted me. The way her soft lips molded to mine evoked emotions in me I had long thought buried, thus I was not prepared when her mouth opened and her tongue touched my lower lip. Instinctively, my lips parted without conscious thought, allowing my tongue to become intertwined with hers as together they delicately danced for the very first time. The passionate kiss was not without consequence – venom rushed to my lower regions and without warning, I was fully erect.

Never had an experience elicited such a powerful and erotic reaction in me, and I was barely able to contain myself in that moment. However, my little seductress was not done with me as I felt Bella's petite body molding itself to mine, rubbing against my throbbing manhood as the musky scent of her arousal nearly drove me insane, invading my senses and consuming all rational thought.

I was overwhelmed with the desire to consume her, ravish her, take her virginity and give her mine in return, and only the heat from her hand on my face stopped me. I refused to harm her, but I was at war as the monster demanded I claim my mate. I was losing myself, my vision suddenly clouded by a haze of lust. Using every bit of restraint I could muster, I jumped out the window through which I had come and ran from the temptation, leaving Bella standing alone in her room. I heard her call out to me as I raced away through the forest as fast as I could without looking back.

After coming across several bucks and fiercely draining them, I felt a bit more level-headed, but was unsure if I should return. I had behaved absolutely irresponsibly and was uncertain what to do next. I wanted to be with Bella, but it was precisely my need for her that caused me to find myself in my current predicament. It was in that moment of indecision that my phone rang.

"Alice?"

"If you don't go back tonight, all I see is Bella lying on her bed, sobbing her eyes out," Alice replied hastily.

"But what happens if I go back?" I asked. I was angry with myself for causing Bella to cry, but more anxious over the possibility of biting her.

"You'll both be fine," she stated flatly.

"Alice, I've known you long enough to know that tone. What precisely do you mean by 'fine'?" I asked heatedly.

Instead of Alice, I heard Emmett's voice. "I like Bella – you better not hurt my little sis," he said loudly.

"Sorry about that," Alice said snickering. "But we all love her – you're not the only one. Go back to her. Now."

x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o

I was brought out of my dark contemplations surrounding the events of the previous evening when I heard Alice.

"How many times are you going to play Chopin's Nocturne in E flat major? I'd much prefer to hear his waltz in D flat major," she said, smiling.

"Sorry," I muttered before playing Alice's request. I closed my eyes, imagining Bella sitting on the bench next to me, and instantly I was lost in the memory of her scent. Unfortunately the relief I felt from playing for Alice didn't last long when my fingers began to play Chopin's Nocturne in G Minor as my thoughts returned to last night and the second time I nearly lost control.

x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o

After my brief phone call with Alice, and her reassurances that everything would be fine, I had decided to return to Bella. She had been angry with me for leaving, justifiably so, but she eventually forgave my actions. As the evening progressed, we had exchanged a few chaste, tender kisses without any loss of control on my part. However, as the night wore on, Bella seemed determined to test my resolve as she knelt beside me, grabbing my face with her warm, soft hands as her hungry lips found mine. Before I was able to put a stop to it, her warm, wet tongue slid out of her mouth as she licked my bottom lip again, eliciting a groan from me. In the next moment, she was straddling my lap and the shock I felt as her warm body surrounded mine caused all rational thoughts to flee. Something akin to a satisfied purr rumbled in my chest as I flipped Bella over onto her back. She was laid out before me like a feast, a goddess to be worshiped gently and adoringly, yet the demon within craved her with primal desire and demanded I make her mine in a more carnal way, regardless of the danger.

Before I realized what I'd done, I was kneeling over her and in one quick movement, I could have ripped her clothes from her delectable body and exposed her bare skin to my hungry eyes. The monster inside wanted nothing more than to sheath himself deep within her wet heat, plunge into her repeatedly, find the ecstasy he so craved, but the rational part of me, however small it might have been at the time, knew that doing so would have killed Bella and destroyed me as a result.

I fought with myself. Images of Bella crying and sobbing flew through my mind, but I thought it better that her heart be broken than silenced by my uncontrollable lust and need.

I hoped that by staring deeply into Bella's eyes I would find a shred of my own humanity, but it only served to further stir the creature within. I knew my eyes were black as the darkest night, and I could hear myself panting, gasping for air that I didn't really need as the monster clawed his way to the surface.

I heard myself speak, but the voice was not mine as the words "I want you" escaped my lips, and in that instant I knew she would die if I didn't get away. Desperately holding onto the last shred of control I had, I flung myself backward, against her bedroom wall. I could feel the plaster give way as my fingers dug into the drywall behind me. My eyes closed and I prayed to any entity or deity that would listen to help me.

x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o

I opened my eyes to find that I was no longer in Bella's room, but in fact, sitting at my piano. The events of the previous evening had completely consumed me, apparently causing me to lose track of time. As my mind slowly returned to the present, I realized that although I still heard Jasper, I no longer heard Alice.

"_Edward, you need to relax. The anguish is killing me – I can only imagine what it's doing to you," _he thought as he sent some calming waves in my direction.

"Thanks."

"_Any time."_

I listened for any other voices in the house, but for once it was relatively quiet. Jasper's thoughts confirmed we were alone as he wondered what Alice would bring home from this particular shopping trip, and I had already known that Carlisle was at work, accompanied by Esme who had brought gifts for those unfortunate children forced to remain in the hospital over the course of the holiday season. The humans at the hospital believed it was a charitable organization who sent the gifts every year, and they were constantly amazed how each child received precisely what he or she desired most. Little did they know it was Esme. Her love and devotion to the young ones gave her more joy than words could express, but it was clearly evident in her mind and on her face.

As for Emmett and Rosalie, they had initially gone with Esme to help deliver the presents, but it was clear from Emmett's thoughts he didn't plan on staying too long. At that point, I had tried to focus on other things, not wanting to hear his plans involving Rosalie.

Jasper continued sending me waves of serenity. I tried to keep my attention focused on my music, but eventually my thoughts returned to Bella and her alluring, fragrant aroma. Instantly, I found myself aroused.

Again.

"_Whoa,"_ Jasper thought wondered.

"Sorry," I muttered, shaking my head in complete disgust.

"_Huh – lust and self-loathing. Anything you want to discuss?"_

If it had been Emmett instead of Jasper, I would never have entertained the possibility, but after a moment I decided to take him up on his offer.

"Yes, actually there is, if you have some time," I answered.

"Sure. All I've got is time since Alice is –"

"Shopping," we both said at the same time, laughing. Jasper glanced over, raising an eyebrow before shrugging his shoulders.

We sat in silence for a while, my reticent personality making it difficult for me to open up even to Jasper who knew precisely how I was feeling. I thought about explaining _what_ had occurred, but I was not confused by my actions. I loved Bella, every part of her, and I yearned for her desperately.

"My dilemma is no longer over how best to control the thirst. It's not her blood I crave," I said hesitantly.

"_I don't understand your control. It's truly amazing,"_ Jasper mentally responded. _"I'm sure I would have drained her years ago."_

I cringed as his words hit me like a battering ram. The mental snapshot of Bella's bloodied and broken body would have brought me to my knees had I been standing.

"_Sorry,"_ Jasper thought, acknowledging my horror at the images he had conjured in his mind.

I shook my head, hoping to clear the barbaric pictures from my head. "As I was saying, my predicament seems to be how best to subjugate the seventeen year old who was long ago suppressed, yet who now, after eighty-six years, refuses to be denied."

"So it isn't her blood causing your vampiric instincts to take control, it's your lust?" Jasper asked, snickering.

"This is hardly a laughing matter," I replied angrily. "I could harm her, kill her even, if I became to rough," I stated emphatically. "Besides, she's only seventeen."

"You're only seventeen," Jasper replied, stifling a laugh.

"Physically perhaps, but not chronologically. For heaven's sake, Jasper. I've existed for over one hundred years. I'm older than her father. Hell, I'm older than her grandfather!" I yelled, feeling absolutely abhorred by the entire situation. "Not only that, but my turn-of-the century upbringing does not condone such actions outside the bonds of marriage."

No longer able to sit, I jumped to my feet, pacing. I waited for Jasper to settle me, but my discontentment only increased.

"You've got yourself into some fine pickle, my brother," he said, apparently amused.

"Yes, I'm well aware," I muttered before walking back over to my piano. Apparently Jasper didn't have any insights into my plight, but at least he sent out waves of repose which allowed me to relax enough to finally enjoy my music.

I wasn't sure how long I had played, getting lost in the peace and tranquility I was feeling as I composed a melody solely for Bella. At some point, Alice returned. I waited until she entered the house to look up from the piano. She smiled, shopping bags in both hands.

"_Sounds like you've enjoyed your day."_

"It was as good as could be expected under the circumstances," I said sullenly. "Can I go yet?"

"_Soo__n." _She quickly ran upstairs to drop the bags in her room and was back down to grin at me.

"Alice," I said, using her name almost as an expletive. I loved my sister, but she could be absolutely infuriating at times.

"_Leave her alone, Edward. You'll find out what she's thinking when she's ready to tell you," _Jasper thought defensively.

I could feel my need for Bella rising to the surface once again, but Alice was still insisting that I stay put. I wasn't sure why I listened to her, except for the fact that she always seemed to be right, and _t__hat_ frustrated me even more. I turned away from Jasper and Alice, deciding to leave and head toward Forks regardless of what Alice said, when she showed me how she'd made arrangements for Bella to stay with me after our date the following night. Suddenly, I was unable to stop myself from grinning like a fool.

"_I knew you'd appreciate the gesture,"_ she thought, smiling.

"Thank you, Alice," I replied. I was instantly in front of my sister, spinning her around, catching her by surprise for the first time in years because my thoughts and actions occurred simultaneously.

"_Now_ I'm leaving," I said after setting her down, running toward the door, waving good-bye and feeling happy for the first time in hours. I was finally returning to see my Love.

As I approached Bella's house, I could hear her family milling about, but I knew she was in her room. Her heartbeat was a beacon, calling me, directing me to her, even though her mind was silent. But as desperately as I wished to hear her thoughts, I equally relished in the quiet because it forced me to pay attention to her facial expressions, the tone of her voice and any other non-verbal clues if I was to truly know her – all her of.

I couldn't cheat as my siblings often said I did. Yet, in spite of the disadvantage of her silent mind, it seemed the bonding of our souls told me much of what I needed to know. She was mine and I was hers. The rest would come in time.

I quietly jumped through the open window, hoping not to startle her. If it hadn't been for the sudden influx of cold air, Bella may not have turned to see me at all. She hesitantly, almost shyly, smiled at me, and I was instantly curious as to why. I was at her side, lifting her up off the bed before she batted an eye. I chuckled, kissing her forehead, hugging her gently to me. A small amount of venom pooled, but the reaction that was more arduous to contend with was my _other_ physical reaction to her.

"I missed you," I whispered, inhaling her alluring scent.

She hugged me before answering. "I'm so glad you're here."

She nuzzled her head into my chest, but then she sighed.

"Bella, sweetheart, what's wrong?" I asked nervously.

"Nothing," she replied, shaking her head. I was about to contradict her – it was obvious something was bothering her – when she wiggled out of my arms. I could feel the anxiety creep over me as I watched while Bella walked over to her desk where I noticed a small gift wrapped box. She seemed embarrassed as she picked it up before turning to face me.

"I wanted to give you a Christmas present, but didn't really know what. I was searching for something else when I came upon this," she hesitated as a glorious shade of crimson spread across her cheeks. I wanted to inquire as to why she was blushing, but didn't want to interrupt her.

"The first time I saw you in the airport when I was seven you reminded me of Prince Phillip. Sleeping Beauty was my favorite movie, and he was so in love with Princess Aurora."

Bella looked away, but it was astonishing to hear that she had such happy memories of that day. I had never told her of my initial reactions to her – she had no idea how badly I wanted to consume her blood. I reached for her face, tenderly pulling her to me as I smiled lovingly into her eyes.

"I can't tell you how happy that makes me," I said quietly. "I knew you were unique, but at the time I did not understand how essential you were to my very existence." One day I would have to tell her exactly how extraordinary she was and how fortunate we both were, but this was not that day.

"Anyway," she continued, "when you helped return me home after I, uh, visited with Tanya, I felt connected to you." Bella paused for a moment. "And as you carried me and waited with me, I noticed how cold your skin was. It never bothered me, but it has always stuck with me."

I started to pull away at the reminder, but she held me firmly so I stopped myself. It would have been effortless to remove myself from her grasp, but it was clearly evident she wanted me to stay.

"No. Don't," she said quickly. "It's actually something that's always fascinated me about you." She glanced at me, giggling.

Needing her touch, I pulled her closer, kissing her soft lips. A quiet moan escaped from her, but I needed to maintain control so I didn't deepen the kiss. Besides, I wanted to learn what was in the box, so it was essential to hear the rest of her story.

"As, you were saying," I said as I leaned back a little, encouraging her to continue.

"Anyway, after the _incident_, my parents spent a lot of time with me. I think they were afraid to leave me alone." Bella paused before continuing. "We did a lot of sightseeing, and one day they took me to a castle – you know, the one that inspired the castle at Disneyland. Later that day, my mom bought me a snow globe with the castle inside. For some reason it reminded me of you – I guess between Prince Phillip and your cold skin, you were always on my mind."

I was in awe of her and how much she cared for me even though I wasn't aware of her feelings until recently. It pained me to think that she had also felt anguish and loss during our absence from one another even when she was young, but I couldn't allow myself to become upset over our years apart. She had only been a child, and I was well aware of my previous reactions to her and my feelings for Bella. We had both needed time, and now we were finally together.

After another moment, she handed me the box. I could hear her heart racing as I watched her fidget with the hem of her blouse. I wanted to ease her anxiety so I quickly unwrapped the gift. As I beheld one of her prized possessions – something she'd kept since the age of nine – my frozen heart soared. I was taken aback that Bella was willing to give me one of her precious keepsakes, one that held such profound memories for her.

Bella's generosity astounded me when I realized that no one had ever behaved so selflessly toward me. I shook the globe watching the snow fall before setting it back down on her desk. I smiled, thinking my face should be glowing from the sheer joy I was experiencing over her gift, her love.

"Bella," I whispered, "No one has ever loved me like this before. I love you more than words can express. You are my everything, my always, my forever. Thank you, my love."

I could not think of the words to accurately express how I felt about her. Words typically came easy to me, yet this day I was nearly dumbstruck with emotion. Bella smiled shyly at me, but there was a gleam in her eye that made me believe she was thinking of precisely the same thoughts as we both moved closer together, our lips meeting as I was filled with exhilaration.

I could feel her hands in my hair as I cautiously pulled her body flush with mine. I was determined to maintain control over _all_ parts of me, but Bella seemed to have other ideas as she mewled so softly and seductively that it was nearly my undoing. I deepened the kiss, allowing our tongues to intertwine; I needed to focus on something else as the essence of her arousal filled the air, and my body once again responded.

I focused a portion of my attention on the ever-present beating of her heart, and although a slight amount of venom trickled down my throat, I knew I would not harm her. A part of me recognized the need to pull away, but I failed miserably, unable to do so until I knew she needed to take a breath, and even then it was challenging to give her space, especially since she was reluctant to let go of me. I chuckled quietly.

"Breathe, sweetheart," I whispered, leaning toward her as our foreheads rested together.

"I guess you don't need air?" she asked breathlessly.

"Not in the way you do," I answered with honesty.

"S'not fair," she muttered as I watched her chest rise and fall.

Perhaps one day we would not need to worry about such things, but I didn't want to ponder over that decision nor was I ready to discuss it with her. I lifted her, carrying her to the bed.

"Would you mind just laying with me for a while?" All I needed, desired, was to feel her soft, warm body next to mine.

She shook her head shyly, smiling. I didn't think she'd fall asleep, but apparently I calmed her as much as she did me – that or she was just tired – because after a few minutes and a couple of yawns, my sweet girl was sound asleep.

I hated leaving Bella every morning. We'd only been together a short while and already the emptiness in my chest was nearly unbearable when we were apart. Until the time was right for me to be introduced to her parents, it seemed we were destined to continue our clandestine relationship which was distressing to me.

Such behavior would not have been tolerated during my human years, and at the time I would never have contemplated such actions. I knew the moment I met Bella I would have loved her and wanted to meet her parents and make our relationship open, honest and very proper. Even at the age of seventeen, I would have already been considered a man, and I would have wanted to make Bella mine in every sense of the word. I could already envision dropping down on one knee, after having received the proper consent and permission of her father, to ask, beg and plead if necessary, for her to be my wife. But times had changed, and though I had not, I also knew that my old-fashioned values would be considered amusing and perhaps even ridiculous for the current millennium.

And as much as I wanted nothing more than to call her my wife, I was well aware of the fact that I was a vampire, which complicated so many issues, not the least of which were the werewolves.

As I ran home in the early morning hours of the day of our first official date, I pondered over the conversation I'd had with Alice. Our meeting with the Quileutes would take place in approximately twenty-four hours. Even before it had been set, Alice had seen our futures disappear, confirming the date of the meeting would be December 28. I had refused to attend if Bella remained unprotected during that time so Alice had, once again, found a way to keep Bella not only safe but out of Forks altogether.

Somehow she had gotten Renee to agree that Bella should stay the night at our house after her alleged movie outing with Alice. Not only would I have the entire evening with my beautiful girl, but I would have the entire night _without_ her parents in the next room, and she would then remain at the house while Carlisle, Jasper and I met with the pack members and the Elders while Emmett hid in the distance just in case. Esme, Rose and Alice agreed to remain behind to keep an eye on Bella. I knew that eventually Jacob Black would learn of my relationship with Bella, but I hoped it would not be until after the meeting, and with Alice's plan in place it seemed everything would proceed accordingly.

As I drew nearer to the house, I could hear my family as they all seemed to be making plans to hunt. I considered hunting before returning to Bella in the evening, but I wasn't aware that they had all decided to go together and a bit further from home than usual. None of their thoughts gave any indication to their exact plans, except for the fact that they would be gone for most of the afternoon and the entire night.

"What's going on?" I asked upon entering the living room.

Alice immediately jumped up, too excited to remain seated as Jasper pushed some of her energy in my direction, causing me to laugh and feel a bit giddy myself.

"We're leaving you alone!" she squealed excitedly.

"What Alice is trying to say," Carlisle said with a smirk, "is that we thought you and Bella would appreciate some time to yourselves. You've waited many years for her, and Alice saw that Bella would be apprehensive with all of us at home, so we're going hunting. We will, of course, return in time for the meeting tomorrow morning."

"_But not much before."_

If the expression on his face and his words were meant to comfort me, they didn't. If he thought I would find humor in the situation, he was mistaken.

They were leaving me all alone with Bella.

All night long.

I nearly panicked at the thought.

After my near loss of control the night before, being alone with Bella was absolute insanity. Even with her father in the next room I had barely been able to maintain control, but at least knowing that her family was under the same roof helped keep my urges somewhat in check. But now, not only would Charlie not be in the next room snoring, but my entire family had decided to abandon me.

I looked at Alice, a horrified expression on my face. "In what universe did this seem like a good idea, Alice? What if I lose control and hurt her?"

I relaxed a bit as Jasper sent waves of calm toward me, but the effects wore off quickly as I saw the horrible images in my head again.

"Edward, have I ever let you down?" Alice asked calmly.

I shook my head, then opened my mouth to speak, but Alice knew what I was going to do before I had a chance to say another word.

"You _need_ this time," she said reassuringly.

I shook my head in utter disbelief. Maybe I should cancel my date with Bella – that would at least keep her safe from me.

"No," Alice gasped.

"Don't leave," I mumbled, looking at Carlisle, pleading with him to stay.

"Alice, are you certain?" he asked as her mind ran through several scenarios, none of which were detrimental to Bella's health and well-being.

"I hope you're right," I said still unconvinced, though a feeling of hopefulness and excitement began to flit around in the pit of my stomach. Maybe I should trust my sister – she had yet to steer me wrong.

Right about that time, as the butterflies spread through me, it dawned on me that I didn't have a bed.

"I have no..."

"Yes, you do," Alice giggled. "I've handled everything. All you have to do now is relax and enjoy your evening."

"Oh, sure, that's all. Famous last words," I replied sarcastically as I turned and looked around the room at the rest of my family. For some reason unclear to me, they were trusting me not to hurt Bella in any way tonight.

Alice once again shared her visions with me. She saw Bella and me talking in the living room. I played the piano as Bella listened attentively. Eventually, we made our way to my room. Alice blocked me for a moment until she showed me Bella sound asleep in my arms.

"Everything will be fine, I promise," Alice said, grinning.

I nodded, pulling my sister into a tight hug. "Thank you, Alice."

Eventually it was time for me to leave. _"Good luck, son," _Carlisle thought as I ran down the driveway.

"_Go git her,"_ Emmett thought laughingly. I couldn't help but chuckle along with him.

Bella thought she was meeting me at the theater, but I wanted to surprise her so I ran through the Olympic National Park until I heard Bella's old truck at which point I headed west toward the road. I knew it would startle her, but I couldn't stop myself. I had never felt so carefree as I jumped into the bed of her truck. I felt the truck jerk as I called out to her in a feeble attempt to reassure her.

"Bella, it's Edward."

As I opened the driver's side door, Bella stared at me with a look of absolute shock on her face.

"Move over, sweetheart. I'll drive," I insisted.

"I know your heart doesn't beat, but mine does!" she shouted. "Are you _trying_ to give me a heart attack?" She shook her head, taking her foot off the gas as the truck began to slow, and scooted over.

At first I thought she was angry – she certainly appeared annoyed, and honestly it wasn't a very smart idea to startle her while she was driving.

"I'm sorry," I replied, and truthfully I was sorry for frightening her, but not sorry for jumping into the truck bed.

Bella looked over at me, trying to hold back a smile. Seeing her gorgeous face caused a grin to spread across my face, unable to hold back the chortle that escaped from my mouth. At that moment I felt truly happy.

"You know, I can actually run faster than the truck can drive."

"Hey, don't mock the truck," Bella stated, raising an eyebrow as if to challenge me to continue.

I watched her facial expressions, realizing she was as amused over the entire situation as I was, and we both began to laugh. Bella's carefree giggle rang through the truck's cabin and filled my ears and my heart with delight.

"So, where are we going?" she asked.

"Eventually, we're going to see the movie, unless you'd prefer to do something else," I replied.

"Uh, no. A movie is fine, but didn't we just pass the theater?" she stated questioningly.

"Yes, but we have a stop to make first," I answered.

"I don't like surprises," Bella stated as she crossed her arms in front of her chest, trying to glare at me.

Again, I laughed as my cute little kitten tried to appear as intimidating as a grown cat. My outburst caused Bella to frown, and I knew I was in trouble.

After a few more minutes I pulled into a parking space on Front Street. Bella glanced over at me, the look in her eyes telling me that she knew exactly where we were going.

"Edward?" Bella spoke my name as if it were a question.

"Come, Love. This way, please," I said helping her out of the truck as I took her soft hand in mine.

We walked to the pier in relative silence. I could hear many things, but I tried to block out as much as possible, only focusing my attention on Bella. Her heart was fluttering, and although she was trying to maintain a steady breathing rhythm, the closer we got to the pier, the quicker her breaths seem to come.

"Are you alright?" I asked, concerned that perhaps this was not the proper place to be. Maybe her memories of the pier were not pleasant.

"I'm fine," she replied. "Just nervous."

"What has you so bothered, sweetheart?" I tried to imagine what was causing my precious girl such anxiety, but, as usual, her mind was silent to me.

Bella took a deep breath and then exhaled. She stopped walking, leaning against the pier railing, but must have thought better of it because she stepped away from the edge, taking a few steps toward a bench before sitting down.

"In some ways being here makes me happy because it's where I saw you again," she said, looking down, rubbing her hands together before putting them in her pockets. "But then you left, and I'm still afraid you'll leave again. And while I never wanted anything but friendship from Jacob, being here reminds me of the day he officially turned his back on me."

I was unable to hold back a low growl as I got to my feet and started pacing in front of the bench where Bella was still seated. I knew she didn't love him, but I remained full of jealousy over the relief that dog had been able to provide to her before Bella and I had been reunited. I was momentarily lost in my thoughts so I didn't realize she had gotten up and was standing in front of me until she touched my face.

"Edward, I don't love him. Not. At. All. But he helped me work through some of my issues with losing Chris. Jacob was a good friend for a while, but just a friend. I guess I understand now what was going on with him...but it still doesn't make it easier," she said haltingly. I imagined she was trying to reassure me, but it was difficult to see past my innate hatred of the mutt.

I wrapped my arms around my Bella, kissing the top of her head. "I'm sorry I left you that day. I was afraid," I said nervously. "I thought perhaps coming here would give us a chance to start over."

I looked into her big brown eyes and knew that if she ever did force me away, I would find a way to die. I could not exist without her.

Bella smiled shyly. She spoke in a whisper, but it was loud and clear to me. "You had no reason to be afraid. You were always on my mind and in my heart, and I needed you even back then."

If my frozen heart could have beaten, her words would certainly have brought it back to life. I was overcome with joy, immediately bringing my lips to hers and kissing her soundly, hoping there was no doubt any longer that we would be together.

_Forever?_

And there was the vile demon again. He had been quiet for quite some time, yet once again he had reared his ugly head, but if Bella wanted forever, I would give it to her. I was done fighting the inevitable. Alice had continued to show me her visions, and only my stupidity seemed to change what she saw. If becoming a vampire was what Bella would want some day, I no longer had the strength to deny her.

"I have something for you," I said softly, hoping she would not get angry over my gift.

Bella eyed me suspiciously. "I don't like presents," she stated emphatically.

"This is really a gift for both of us," I replied, hoping she would believe me because it was true – the cell phone would allow us to email and text and talk at any time.

"Mmm hmm," she mumbled disbelievingly.

"You'll see," I chuckled.

I handed her the box I'd kept hidden in my jacket. She seemed reluctant to take it so I walked with her back over to the bench, and as we sat down, I placed the package on her lap.

"Please, Bella, open it," I cajoled.

"Fine," she said, shaking her head. I could tell she wasn't thrilled about it, but reluctantly she unwrapped the box, and when enough of the paper had been removed that she could see the contents, she gasped.

"I...I can't accept this. It's too much," she said anxiously.

"Bella, don't be ridiculous. Of course you can take it. Anyway, as I said, it's for me as much as it is for you," I replied, trying to settle her down.

She continued shaking her head, trying to push the box back onto my lap. I wasn't sure how I could make her understand so I said, "I accepted your gift without a fuss."

"What I gave you was...nothing," she said dejectedly.

"How could you say that," I angrily retorted. "It was so thoughtful, heartfelt...the phone just cost money."

"That's my point," she said sadly. "I don't have that kind of money to spend on you. You deserve so much more."

I couldn't understand her way of thinking when suddenly I recalled the gift _he_ had given Bella for her birthday. I was unable to hold back my frustration and jealousy as I bitterly said, "So if I had given you something hand-made like Jacob, that would have been acceptable?"

Bella gasped. "How...how did you know about that?"

I immediately realized my mistake and attempted to get out of the situation I'd created for myself. "I'm fairly certain you mentioned it."

"No, I'm quite positive that I haven't," she stated, sounding quite sure of herself.

"Yes, you did," I insisted as feelings of anxiety began to overwhelm me. I was certain if I shared with her this latest piece of information, Bella would certainly run away, screaming. Not only would she know that I could read minds, but that I had been eavesdropping at her birthday party and that it had been me to make the heinous growling sounds she had heard. She would finally realize what kind of monster I was.

"No. I. Didn't," she asserted. I knew she was right, but I had hoped she would back down. I shook my head, inhaling a deep breath before deciding to tell her the truth.

I looked down as I spoke, too afraid to gaze into her eyes. "I was there," I whispered.

"You were at my house on my birthday?" she asked curiously. She didn't appear angry, just confused.

"Yes. I wasn't exactly at your house...but I was close enough to hear everyone," I mumbled, jealousy filling me again as the image of Jacob kissing my Bella slammed into the forefront of my brain. I felt the rage as it began to consume me, my fists clenching when somehow Bella's voice broke through, forcing me to rein in my fury.

"Wait, so was it you that made that growling sound?" Bella asked inquisitively.

I was taken aback. I was surprised that of all the questions she would have, she thought about the sound I'd made when I lost total control. Perhaps that frightened her more than anything else. The vitriolic voice in my head was goading me along, insisting that Bella would finally see me as the monster that I was. The pain in my chest tore through my frozen heart as Jacob's thoughts raced through my head, reminding me of why I had roared with fury and pain in the first place. All I could see was red as words I never meant to speak spewed from my mouth.

"I can't believe you didn't see through Jacob that day. He never wanted to only be your friend," I said bitterly before continuing. "He had his sights set on you even then, and he would have pursued you vigorously had he not become a werewolf and imprinted on Leah."

"How would you know Jacob's intentions?" she asked, leering at me.

Running my hands nervously through my hair, I sighed. "I can read minds," I mumbled, hoping she wouldn't really hear me.

"What?" she shrieked, appearing utterly horrified as she jumped up from the bench, and the box containing the phone nearly tumbled to the ground. "Oh, my gosh. You've known what I was thinking all these years?"

"No, no. Bella, I can't read your mind," I said reassuringly.

"You can't?" she verified.

"No, not at all," I assured her. "Your thoughts are completely hidden from my special gift."

"Why can't you hear me?" she asked quietly.

"I don't know. I've thought about this for quite some time as you can imagine, and the only answer I can come up with is that your mind doesn't work the same way as other humans," I replied, smiling slightly.

"What's the matter with my mind? What's wrong with me?" she asked nervously.

"I tell you that Alice can see the future, and I can read minds, and you think there's something wrong with you?" I scoffed, shaking my head in utter disbelief.

"I always knew I was a freak," Bella mumbled.

"No," I said standing up and taking her into my arms. "You are unique, one of a kind and I love you for it. You have no idea how annoying it can be to hear people's thoughts. No matter how I try to block them out, somehow they always seep through. But with you, there's silence. Of course, I'd love to hear your thoughts; however, the quiet is also peaceful. Only you can give that to me and I love you for it," I said adoringly.

My words seemed to pacify her for the moment so I turned my attention back to the phone.

"Will you please accept my gift?" I beseeched, picking up the box and handing it to her once again.

Bella was quiet for a moment before nodding and extending her hand. "Thank you. It was very thoughtful of you to get this for me," she answered quietly.

"As I said, it's truly a gift for both of us," I replied kissing her on the cheek before taking the box from her and placing her hand in mine. "Shall we go to the movie now?"

While I enjoyed sitting in a dark room with Bella nestled snugly against me, I was thrilled when the film was over. I had my fill of the awful and overwhelming stench of buttered popcorn in addition to the vulgar thoughts of many women surrounding George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon and Andy Garcia. The men were, of course, more vile in their thoughts of Julia Roberts and Catherine Zeta Jones.

As we walked out I tried to focus on the comfortable silence of her mind, but even having her hand pressed into mine did little to erase the din of voices swirling around my head. Eventually, however, her warmth and alluring aroma calmed me, but the feelings of peace soon gave way to excitement. I became anxious, concerned that if I could not keep my body in line while we were in public, how would I ever maintain control tonight when we were all alone? I shivered at the thought of hurting her in any way; Bella apparently noticed my behavior.

"Edward, are you okay?" she asked.

"Yes, I'm fine," I replied as we approached her truck.

She brought her hand to my face to cup my cheek, and I felt myself leaning into her, relishing her willing touch.

"May I drive?" I asked trying to distract her from her question and my response.

Bella looked at me for a moment before handing me the keys.

It did not take long before we pulled onto the gated street. Even though this was not the first time Bella had been to our home, she still looked astounded as we pulled into the garage. I was around the truck and opening the door before she even had her seat-belt off.

"I don't think I'll ever get used to that," she said sheepishly.

"To what?" I asked. "My opening the door for you?"

"No, silly," she giggled. "How fast you move."

I laughed, feeling relaxed, at least for the moment. The more time I spent with Bella, the easier it seemed to be myself, to drop my human facade. My soul, if I had one, belonged to her and seemed comfortable and at ease with her.

I extended my hand, and she took it. The warmth of her skin electrified me, and as my thumb grazed the inside of her wrist, I could feel her pulse beating a little faster than usual. I released her hand, carefully pulling her against my side as I wrapped an arm around her.

"Is everyone else here?" she asked hesitantly.

"No," I replied quietly, wondering if this would in fact put her at ease as Alice believed or cause her to be more anxious.

"So we're all alone?" she inquired, looking amused.

Now it was my turn to feel a bit apprehensive.

"Yes," I answered quietly.

Bella smiled – her face lit up the entire room. Her gaiety was infectious and a grin quickly spread across my face as well. "Would you like the grand tour? Or did Alice show you around the last time you were here?"

"Uh, she didn't show me around," she said, looking at me slyly before continuing. "But I thought you would have know that."

I chuckled. "I did know, but I was trying to be polite," I replied, shaking my head.

"Well, in that case," she said, "I'd love the tour."

I couldn't hold back the urge to bow slightly, motioning with my hand for her to look around the room. "As you can see, this is the garage, Milady," I said, snickering.

"Funny, very funny," she answered, giggling.

"This way, please," I replied, holding out my arm at an angle offering her to take it as a true gentleman would.

She slipped her hand and arm through mine as I escorted her into the kitchen.

"Wow!" she said, wonderment filling her eyes. "You have such a beautiful kitchen, but I don't imagine you ever use it, do you?"

"No, but we may use it now," I replied happily.

"Why?" Bella asked looking confused.

"For you, of course. I've always wanted to learn how to cook," I answered timidly.

"I'm perfectly capable of –"

I put one finger gently over her lips, effectively cutting her off.

"I know you're very self-reliant, but it would give me great pleasure to provide for you in that way from time to time," I replied, staring deeply into her eyes.

Bella nodded, not saying a word so we continued the tour through the house. She had already seen the living room and dining area so I escorted her upstairs. I pointed out Carlisle and Esme's bedroom as well as Emmett and Rosalie's room and Alice and Jasper's room.

"You guys don't sleep, right?" Bella asked. I nodded. "So...the beds?" she questioned, raising an eyebrow.

She had to know why we had beds in the rooms, but I didn't want to be so straightforward. I responded by looking at her and shrugging my shoulders as we walked toward my room. I motioned for her to enter the room.

Bella glanced at me asking, "Is this your room?"

"Yes."

She looked confused and hesitated before speaking again. "The bed is for..."

"Alice bought it so you would have a comfortable place to sleep tonight. She didn't think you'd have a restful night in one of the other rooms," I said quickly, too quickly perhaps.

"You purchased a bed for me for one night?" Bella looked astonished.

"Well, would it really be only for one night?" I asked nervously. I was afraid she would get angry but instead, she turned fifty shades of red. As the blood pooled in the cheeks of her resplendent face, I found myself at a loss for words. Suddenly, I realized she probably misunderstood.

"I didn't mean to insinuate anything by it other than perhaps Alice might be able to persuade you to come again," I mumbled, looking down at the floor. "Would you prefer to stay in my room by yourself? I didn't mean imply that I would stay with you."

"You stay with me at my parents' house. Why not here?" Bella asked shyly.

"I don't want you to think there was any ulterior motive tonight. The family left so you wouldn't feel overwhelmed by all of us," I said. "I did not anticipate anything other than you getting a good night's sleep."

"Edward?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"Be quiet."

Before I realized what she was doing, she had grabbed my face and kissed me. Her soft lips melded around mine. Her fingers twined through my hair, and my hands seemed to have developed minds of their own as they suddenly roamed down her spine before arriving on her hips and then venturing to her perfectly formed behind. I could not believe how bold I had become, but I could not find it in myself to be ashamed of my uncontrolled actions. A part of me insisted that I pull away, just as Bella took a slight step forward, pushing her body against mine causing me to moan.

"We...can't," I said, trying to convince myself that we needed to stop before I was no longer able to. Apparently, however, Bella had other ideas.

"Why?" she asked breathlessly.

_Why indeed?_

"Don't you want this, us, me?" she inquired, pulling away just enough that I was able to clear my head.

Moving so quickly that she didn't have a chance to comprehend my actions, I picked up her and nearly threw her onto the bed. I could hear Bella's heart pounding in her chest, fluttering much too quickly. I could only assume that she believed we were going to take our relationship to the next level, but I had other ideas. She needed to understand how dangerous I was to her.

"Oh!" she said, landing on the bed a bit harder than she must have anticipated as air was forced from her lungs.

"Bella," I called to her as I knelt over her luscious body. "We're not ready for this."

"How do you know? You can't read my mind, can you?" she asked seductively.

"No, but I can hear your heart – it's nearly flying out of your chest," I replied as I ran one hand up the her side, barely caressing the side of one breast as she gasped.

"And I can smell the scent of your arousal," I whispered in her ear before lowering myself off the edge of the bed between her legs as I slowly stroked her ankles before moving my hands up toward her knees and then further still until I stopped midway up her thighs.

Upon hearing my admission, Bella groaned and turned a magnificent shade of crimson, covering her face with her hands.

Not allowing her the opportunity to become oriented to where I was, I moved so that I was once again near her head as I removed her hands from her face.

"I don't think so," I teased. "I've waited much too long to gaze into those beautiful eyes. I will not allow you to cover your face."

Bella moaned again. "Edward, you're killing me," she said and then suddenly stopped moving, holding her breath.

I knew she meant those words in an entirely different way, but they were like a punch to the gut.

Killing her, indeed.

"No, Bella, I won't, but that doesn't mean I couldn't," I replied, immediately very serious. "You see, my love, I am faster and stronger than you. I can hear, see and smell your reactions to me. I promise not to harm you, but in order to keep my word, I must remain in control of myself."

"I am sorry," I said softly, taking her into my arms and cradling her to my chest. "I want you more than you can imagine, and I'm not saying never, just not now."

Bella looked defeated, and it tore at my chest knowing I was the one causing her such distress, but even though I knew I would not kill her, I was not as sure of my control when it came to not biting her, and we needed to discuss that before anything else happened.

Laying down on the bed, I pulled her into my arms. "Let me tell you all the things I adore about you," I said softly, wanting to reassure her that I wanted her and loved her even though it wasn't safe to _be_ together.

"Your hair," I whispered, running my fingers carefully through the mahogany strands, "feels like silk around my fingers and smells like strawberries." The sensations that ran through my fingertips were electrifying, causing me to shiver.

Moving back slightly, I looked deep into her eyes as I said lovingly, "Your eyes are like pools of chocolate. Your gaze holds me captive like no other and when I peer into your magnificent eyes, I swear I can see the radiance of your soul shining through."

At that moment, Bella looked away, seemingly embarrassed as her blush blossomed across her cheeks. I ran my fingers along her delicate skin, tracing the color and said, "Your cheeks are the color of rose petals when you blush – you are so beautiful." I couldn't stop myself from gently peppering kisses on each side of her face, causing her smile shyly.

"And your lips are the color of rubies, yet soft and smooth." I uttered the words so quietly that I wasn't sure she heard me until she looked up at me as she nervously licked her lips. "Oh, Bella, when you do that and your lips are so close to mine, the essence of your warm breath surrounds me, and I feel as if I'll lose myself in you." I bent down to her, kissing her soft, supple mouth, allowing her warmth to wash over me.

I knew I needed to stop before I got carried away, but there was one more thing she needed to hear. I took her hand and placed it on my chest over my long silent heart. "My heart has been silent for nearly ninety years, but your love has brought me back to life. It may no longer beat, but it's yours for as long as you'll have it. I love you, Bella."

Slowly she removed our hands from my chest as she placed them on hers. I could feel and hear the glorious beating of her heart even as the tantalizing aroma of her blood called to me. I smiled though, knowing it no longer tempted me as it once did. Bella was quiet for a moment, then looking deeply into my eyes, she spoke.

"Edward, I have loved you from the moment I saw you. I may not have recognized or understood what I was feeling all those years ago, but somehow I knew we belonged together. Yours may be silent, but mine beats for both of us. I love you," she said as tears trickled down her face.

"Sweetheart, are you okay?" I whispered.

"I've never been better," she said. "These are happy tears." She smiled as I took her in my arms kissing the top of her head as she snuggled closer.

"Would you like to change into something more comfortable?" I asked.

"Maybe later. Right now, I'm perfect," she whispered.

"Yes, you are," I replied, pulling a blanket around her. The peace, happiness, sheer joy I felt in that moment surpassed any and every memory I could find. We were meant to be together, of that I was certain and nothing and no one, not even the werewolves, would change that as I resolved to do whatever was necessary to secure both the treaty and Bella's place in my life.

* * *

**AN: So...let me know if you liked it or not by pressing the blue 'Review this Chapter' link and let me hear your thoughts (because unlike Edward, I'm not a mind reader *snickers*). Please? Thanks!**

**And, in case you noticed, a part of the end of this chapter was inspired by a portion of Transcendence (which was written by none other than my fabulously wonderful beta, TwilightMomofTwo). Her writing _absolutely inspires_ me, and because she's such a wonderful person and friend, she didn't mind me recreating one of her scenes here for your reading pleasure.**

**Sadly enough, I don't own any rights to the fun movie, Ocean's 12, either. It belongs to Warner Bros. Pictures, in association with Village Roadshow Pictures and was released December 10, 2004.**


	14. Chapter 14 Choices and Consequences

**DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer owns the entire Twilight Series, Edward, Bella and the other characters that we've grown to know and love. Any new or unfamiliar characters in the story are figments of my imagination. No copyright infringement is intended – I'm just having fun!**

**AN: I know you're used to reading Bella's POV first, but as my wonderful Beta suggested, it would probably be more helpful to have Edward's perspective first this time around. And I know how much you like hearing from him anyway...*snickers***

**I can never say thank you enough to my fabulously magnificent beta, TwilightMomofTwo. She is _amazing_ and has helped me in more ways that I can list here...just be sure to check our her stories – that would be thanks enough. ;-) **

**Chapter 14 – Choices and Consequences**

EPOV

Alice had locked me out of her room, blocking me from her mind all day. First it was the Pledge of Allegiance in Korean, then the Battle Hymn of the Republic in Portuguese and finally the Declaration of Independence in German. All this ridiculous nonsense was done to prevent me from seeing Bella and her dress until Alice was done making her over. Personally, I didn't believe Bella needed all the beautifying that some girls required – my Bella was perfect just the way she was. I had tried to explain that to Alice, but she just shook her head and rolled her eyes, as if that was the most ridiculous notion yet.

That had been three hours ago.

I'd spent those three hours pacing in my room, valiantly trying to find some kind of distraction while I anxiously waited for Alice to be done. I'd rearranged my music collection. That occupied me for all of five minutes.

Then I'd tried reading, sitting on the couch with one of Carlisle's medical tomes, but when I realized I'd been focused on the same paragraph for the better part of half an hour, my knee tapping up and down impatiently, I gave up and simply resumed my pacing.

After I had worn the carpet in my room nearly threadbare, I went downstairs to the living room where I continued walking from one end of the room to the other, then back again.

And again. All the while ignoring Jasper's silent snickers from where he lounged on the sofa, watching television.

This was the first year I was truly looking forward to attending the hospital's New Year's Eve charity ball. No matter where we lived, everyone in the family was expected to support the various charitable organizations both Carlisle and Esme were involved with, and I did so, albeit reluctantly. The events usually found me trying hard to be civil and courteous to vapid girls who only saw me as a trophy to be won. Their thoughts were always vile and repulsive, and if it were not for Jasper keeping me calm, I shuddered to think how I would have endured the offensive and vile thoughts I usually was bombarded with.

This year, however, was _very_ different. For the very first time, I was looking forward to attending the event. Tonight my precious girl would be at my side. And not only would we spend the evening dancing and conversing, we would be celebrating our first New Year's Eve together. I wanted the night to be perfect – as supremely magnificent as Bella deserved.

As I walked past Jasper again, he glanced over at me, smirking. _"You need to relax. It's a good thing you can't sweat."_

"Funny, Jasper, but it's your wife occupying Bella's time. Why don't _you _go see what they're doing?" I said feeling quite exasperated.

"_And incur Alice's wrath? Are you insane? She may be small, but she could rip off my –"_

"Whoa. Stop right there," I said, shaking my head. "I don't even want to know."

The past several days had been quiet as I reflected over the amount of time Bella and I had spent together, each day and each night feeling more surreal than the one before. Ever since the meeting and Jacob Black's apparent yet reluctant acceptance of my relationship with Bella, my time in Forks had been more relaxed, peaceful even as Bella and I became better acquainted with each other. Nevertheless, I remained apprehensive over one part of the agreement Carlisle had made with the Quileute elders.

**X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O**

Leaving Bella that morning had been one of the most difficult things I had done in quite some time. I knew she would be well protected, but after several quite stimulating moments, I felt rather inclined to stay. And I would have, too, had Emmett not threatened to come upstairs to tease Bella relentlessly over her physical reactions to me. While I enjoyed how her body responded to my kisses and gentle caresses, I knew she would be mortified should Emmett say something. I also knew it was very necessary that we meet with the current tribal elders as well as those damn mutts to renew the treaty. Nevertheless, I would have much preferred staying wrapped up in my precious girl's loving arms.

Unfortunately, that would have to wait.

"_Shall we run?"_ Carlisle questioned.

"No, we have plenty of time. Let's drive," I answered.

There were only a few cars on the road at that early hour so we drove well above the legal speed limit and arrived at the meeting location in plenty of time. Carlisle parked the Mercedes in a clearing nearby and while Emmett remained hidden in the forest, Carlisle, Jasper and I stood at the treaty line.

Waiting.

I listened carefully for any sign of life or sounds of animals, especially wolves, but the surrounding forest was relatively quiet. Most animals ran away from us, so the silence was not totally unexpected, although I had anticipated that the wolves would be waiting for us, but no one seemed to be anywhere near.

At least not yet.

"Do you think they'll really come?" Jasper asked, wondering silently who would be participating in our little get-together.

Carlisle nodded without saying a word as I answered Jasper's mental question.

"At the very least we should expect Billy Black, Quil Ateara Sr., Harry Clearwater, Jacob Black and Sam Uley. I believe they currently make up the tribal council and the wolf pack. I doubt there will be a problem."

"_I was hoping for some action," _Emmett mused as he remained away, out of view.

"Emmett's a bit anxious," I muttered, shaking my head just as I heard Jacob's bothersome thoughts.

"_Why the hell were they around Bella's house? What damn business do _they_ have with the Swans?"_

"Jacob Black is rather dismayed over finding my scent at Bella's home," I spat bitterly. "No matter what, I'm not staying away from her, Carlisle."

"_I don't expect you to, son. Try to settle down, Edward. He's young and volatile. You know this. Relax. Everything will work out."_

"It better," I grumbled under my breath.

Jasper straightened up – he felt my anxiety as I heard his mind.

"_Shit, Edward. You're killing me. It'll be difficult enough to keep the wolves in line – I don't want to have to worry about you, too." _

"Sorry," I murmured.

"_My father told me about these Cold Ones. He trusted them, the Cullens. I hope they're as amenable as they were with our great chief, Ephraim Black."_

Quil Ateara, Senior was a gentle man who had been a young child when we last met with his father and Ephraim Black.

"They'll be here soon," I said.

Sam Uley now apparently knew about imprinting and what had occurred between Jacob and Leah. Although he understood, he remained bitter and angry. He wanted to hate Jacob, but was unable to hurt him as it would have been devastating to Leah, and he still loved her too much to inflict that kind of pain on her. Sam hoped he would find his own imprint one day, but at this moment he was pissed off at us for causing Jacob to phase in the first place.

"_Why did they have to come ba__ck? Why __here? Why now? Leah and I would have gotten married in less than six months if it hadn't been for these leeches."_

Billy Black was cautious, but concerned about his son and his best friend's family. He, too, wondered why we were visiting the Swans and whether or not Bella was aware of us.

_He'll soon find out._

I was reluctant to divulge the exact nature of my relationship with Bella, but if somehow the opportunity arose to clarify a few key points, I would take it. _They _would not stand in my way.

Carlisle glanced from me to Jasper as we heard a truck pull off the side of the road. Billy, Quil Senior and Harry had driven together while Jacob and Sam ran to meet them. They had been in their wolf forms, but now appeared human as Jacob helped his father into the wheelchair, walking in our direction.

Within minutes we found ourselves face to face with the current leaders of the Quileute Nation. Even as humans their stench was revolting, causing me to hold my breath until the time came for me to speak again. Carlisle, however, seemed unfazed by their odor as he began.

"Gentlemen, thank you for coming. I'm Carlisle." He paused for a moment before continuing. "And these are my sons, Edward and Jasper."

We both nodded, looking each one in the eye.

"_His sons? How is that even possible?"_ Quil Senior seemed the most curious about us, perhaps because it was his father who we'd met along with Ephraim Black sixty-eight years ago.

"We would like to reaffirm the treaty originally made with Ephraim Black. I assume the terms remain agreeable?" Carlisle looked around between the tribal elders.

"_How do we know they're even following the terms?" _Harry Clearwater's silent question slammed into my mind.

I didn't give him the opportunity to verbally express his thoughts, nor did I convey his inquiry to Carlisle.

"If you're concerned about what we're feeding from, all you need to do is look into our eyes," I said heatedly.

"Yes, that's true. If at any time we partake of human blood, our eyes will turn a deep burgundy color," Carlisle explained as Jacob and Sam glanced toward the elders for confirmation.

"We know you work at a hospital. How do we know you're not drinking donated blood?" Billy asked as he eyed us suspiciously.

"Regardless of whether we feed from humans directly or partake of donated blood, the results are the same. We do not consume human blood from any source. There are very few of our kind who consume animal blood, but you will always know because even one feeding from a human will cause our eye color to change."

"_Yeah, so they slip up once and then drink from a deer...how we will ever know?"_ Sam wondered.

"And it takes multiple feedings from animals before our eyes return to this golden color again," I replied, already tiring of the meeting, needing to return to Bella.

"There are only a few others like us who value human life, so I would hope they would not be viewed as a threat should they venture to these parts. They will not cross onto your land; they understand the treaty. If, however, you come across others of our kind who feed on humans, feel free to deal with them as you see fit," Carlisle stated. He didn't like killing of any kind, but understood that the wolves were designed to protect humans and would do so without question.

"_I still don't like it,"_ Jacob thought bitterly. _"What business do they have with the Swans?"_

Jacob's inner monologue concerning my love was becoming more difficult to ignore. He should be concerning himself with his imprint, not my mate. Jasper must have felt my irritation because not even a moment later I felt a wave of calm take over. I nodded toward Jasper, and he smiled slightly.

"_Jacob?"_ Jasper pondered.

"Yes," I whispered.

"Will you be interacting much with humans?" Billy Black asked although his mind betrayed him. _"I already know they've been around Charlie's family. What I don't know is _why_."_

Deciding I had had enough dancing around their true issues, I prepared myself to tackle them head on.

"So, Jacob, how is Leah?" I asked snidely.

"_What? How does he know about her?"_ Jacob was incensed by my knowledge, but at least he was no longer thinking of my Bella.

"_Edward, what are you doing?" _Carlisle thought, but I ignored him in favor of continuing my banter with the mutt.

"You did imprint on her, did you not?"

"How...what...impossible," he sputtered as Sam's mind became enraged, thinking about Jacob and Leah's relationship.

"He did and it's all your fault!" Sam shouted angrily as he started shaking.

"_Shit!" _Jasper was probably doing all he could to keep Sam calm, and I had just tossed a match on smoldering kindling.

Jacob seemed to regain some composure as he called out for Sam to relax, placing a hand on his shoulder. After a moment both were quiet as Jacob glared at me.

"_Fix this mess, Edward, now,"_ Carlisle insisted.

I nodded. "I believe wolf imprinting and vampire mating are very similar in nature."

Jacob started shaking his head in disagreement so I paused, but Billy Black was apparently interested in what I had to say so he put up a hand, motioning for Jacob to remain quiet, allowing me to resume speaking.

"Were you able to control the instinct that took over the moment you laid eyes on Leah even though you knew she was with Sam?"

No one said anything, so I continued. "Could you have prevented feeling the undying devotion to her? Would you have ever been able to deny the longing to protect her, even at the cost of your own life?"

I watched Jacob, but he stood still, refusing to look me in the eye.

"Would you do anything and everything in your power to keep her safe and make her happy?"

Jacob nodded nearly imperceptibly.

"And Leah, although she had loved Sam and wanted only happiness for him, was she able to turn her back on you and walk away from what she was feeling?"

Jacob shook his head no.

"Then you of all people," I nearly choked on that word because he was a dog...one who had wanted my girl, but Jasper glanced at me, and I managed to rein in my anger. "You should understand that it's the same for us. "

"What do you mean by that exactly?" Quil Senior asked, a suspicious expression on his face.

I looked at Carlisle and then Jasper before answering.

"Everyone in my family had mated prior to our arrival in Sequim," I said as their thoughts united in one loud question.

"_Family?"_

"They are surprised by my use of the word 'family'," I whispered to Carlisle.

"Yes, we consider ourselves a family," Carlisle stated before turning to me to continue.

"Everyone except me, that is," I said quietly. I knew this statement would get Jacob Black's attention, and I wasn't wrong.

"No!" he shouted as the Elders looked at him in surprise. "Don't you get what he's saying? Where he's been?" Jacob started shaking again, but stopped as Billy called out to him.

"Jacob!"

The three older Quileute men looked at me, apparently waiting for my admission, but my focus remained on Jacob Black. Sam seemed unsure of what was going on. Apparently his thoughts were not joined with those of Jacob's unless they were in their wolf forms. Jasper and Carlisle quickly glanced at me as we all waited, but no one said a word.

Finally the wolf-boy found his voice again.

"Does she know?"

"Does who know what?" Harry Clearwater asked.

I ignored Harry for the moment as I answered Jacob's question the best I could, for the truth was, Bella didn't know the extent of my feelings, but I hoped she would, soon.

"She knows what I am and that I love her." I answered, wishing I had been braver and had already told Bella the entire truth.

Suddenly Billy Black understood as his head jerked up as he glared at Carlisle. "That will most definitely break the treaty," he said harshly.

"No one has made any decisions yet," I replied. "And nothing will be done without the proper consent."

"No consent will ever be given!" Jacob shouted. "I won't allow you to turn her into a freaking bloodsucker!"

"Who?" Harry asked again.

"Bella Swan!" Billy, Jacob and I stated loudly all at once. Immediately there was a gasp from Quil Senior, Sam and Harry.

"That will never be tolerated," Quil Senior stated.

"Never," Harry confirmed emphatically.

"Everyone needs to settle down," Carlisle said as Jasper sent out waves of calm.

"No one will be biting anyone," he stated, looking over at me, a concerned expression on his face.

I shook my head. Carlisle should have known better. I never wanted Bella to become one of us, but I had grown weary of fighting against Alice's vision. I would never ask Bella to change for me. I would keep her human for so long as it was what she desired. But if she ever asked to stay with me forever, I would be unable to deny her.

"_I've got to warn her, tell her his true intentions. I'll protect her from him. He can't have her. She's mine."_

I let out a low growl, but just as I was about to respond to Jacob's tirade he caught up with himself and realized what he'd thought.

"_Not mine. Leah's mine. Must protect Leah."_

Jacob's natural tendencies to protect human life were warring with his need to protect his imprint, and although I would never cross the treaty line and harm any of the Quileutes – my thought process was instantly interrupted.

_Never? What if Jacob stole Bella away to keep her from you?_

Yes, in that circumstance I would, but he couldn't behave so stupidly. Jacob had to know that would be much too risky for Leah and the rest of the tribe. He would never put Bella Swan above Leah Clearwater no matter how much he wanted to do it.

"You have my assurance that no harm will come to Bella Swan," Carlisle said reassuringly. "Edward values her life, her _human _life and would end his own existence before allowing any trauma to befall her."

I knew what he was doing so I nodded my head. He was speaking truthfully without telling them that if she chose it, I would change her. But they didn't need to know that.

"Then he needs to stay away from her," Jacob sneered.

"No. Absolutely not. I'd like to see you stay away from Leah," I said, my voice full of disdain.

"You may continue your..._relationship_...with Isabella Swan. We are unable to prevent it. The treaty will remain intact for so long as she remains human. We do not doubt your sincerity. However, we do not trust you and therefore the boundaries, as drawn, remain. At no time may you enter onto Quileute land. The town of Forks, however, is neutral territory provided no human is killed...or bitten."

Quil Senior spoke with authority even though I had assumed Billy Black to be the rightful tribal chief. As I listened to Billy's thoughts it seemed he had temporarily relinquished his role for the purpose of this meeting as Quil was truly Billy's elder and could not be influenced by a volatile, shape-shifting son.

"You can't allow that!" Jacob shouted. "He'll find a way around the treaty."

"Jacob – do not disrespect your elders!" Billy shouted, appalled at his son's outburst. "Do you not think we'll know if Bella mysteriously disappears?"

"_He may have fooled them, but not me. As soon as we're done, I'm going to see Bella."_

A snarl escaped my lips, causing Carlisle and Jasper to look in my direction.

"He's going to see Bella as soon as the meeting has concluded," I murmured. "I must go and protect her."

"You can't cause a scene. He won't phase in front of Bella," Carlisle replied low enough that only we heard him.

"You don't know that," I growled angrily.

Carlisle straightened up, returning his gaze to Quil Senior. "Do we have your assurance that Jacob Black nor any of the other shape-shifters will phase in front of Bella Swan?"

"Yes, of course" Quil Senior responded instantly.

"Do we have your assurance that no one in the tribe will ever tell Bella Swan about the treaty?"

My sire was smart. Much smarter than these mere mortals. I knew what he was doing and smiled.

The silence was golden. They could not make such a promise because technically the treaty had already been broken, and they knew it. And with that realization, the fight went out of them and their faces showed the defeat that Jasper was picking up and relaying to me.

"She already knows about your kind so it no longer matters," Jacob mumbled under his breath.

"We never disclosed what we were to Bella," I promptly replied. "She figured it out because of what _you _told her. You have already broken the treaty."

"I didn't believe it any of it at the time," he said, looking at the ground.

"That is not our concern," Carlisle replied. "Apparently, the treaty was violated by one of your own," he said, looking at Quil Senior.

"You have the right to retaliate," he said quietly.

"Perhaps, but that would not be in anyone's best interest. I do, however, have a compromise of sorts."

"We're listening," Billy stated.

"We are all agreed that no one in my family will forcefully bite, feed from, or kill a human, nor will we consume human blood, is that correct?"

All three Quileute elders nodded.

"We can also agree that your part of the treaty, to keep our secret as well your own from the pale faces as you call them, has been violated by a member of your tribe, correct?"

Jacob opened his mouth to speak, but Billy glared at his son.

"In an effort to maintain the peace, I offer a compromise. Should Isabella Swan choose to become one of us due to the fact that she and my son have mated, you will agree that she may be changed without that choice and our subsequent action breaking the treaty."

There was silence for only a moment before Jacob screamed, "NO!"

I growled, unable to hold back as I crouched defensively as he started to run toward me.

"Jacob!" all three men shouted causing the dog to stop dead in his tracks.

"This problem is of your making. You will not make this worse. If you cannot maintain control, Sam will escort you home," Quil Senior commanded. He then turned his attention to Carlisle.

"We cannot grant this request without first speaking to Bella Swan. Some of those among us may consider her and her parents family, but they are not official members of this tribe. However, we cannot agree that you may terminate her life unless we are absolutely certain it is her wish for you to do so."

"How do we know they won't try to brainwash her or something," Jacob said, his voice cracking.

"The decision has yet to be made. Bella is not even aware of the option," Carlisle said.

"There is no option," Jacob cried. "Please," he begged, looking at his father. "Don't agree to this. Don't let them kill Bella because I was stupid."

"It's no longer in our hands," Billy said, refusing to look at his son.

"You can always try to keep it from happening," Harry mumbled.

"No!" I said firmly. "Jacob Black has no business interfering with my mate."

"I think we can come to some sort of agreement," Carlisle replied as I looked at him flabbergasted. "At a time and place to be determined appropriate only by Edward, he will explain everything to Isabella Swan. Edward will be the one to explain the treaty in detail and when he feels the time is appropriate, he will explain vampire mating to her. Once she confirms her feelings for Edward, and if she chooses to be changed at some point in the future, Edward will at that time advise her of the necessity to speak with the tribal Elders so that everyone will know the choice is hers, and hers alone. Jacob may speak with and visit Bella as he has done in the past, but he will not tell her anything of this meeting, the treaty or our...arrangement."

I could not believe what Carlisle was suggesting. I didn't want that mutt anywhere near Bella. I was fuming, my jaw clenched, my hands instantly balling into fists. Jasper looked at me, sending waves of calm, but it didn't help. The only consolation I felt was that Jacob was furious as well. The mere fact that he didn't like the arrangement any more than I gave me a small amount of satisfaction.

It was not much, but enough to keep me rooted to my spot.

"That is acceptable," Quil Senior said as Harry and Billy reluctantly nodded in agreement.

"_I can't believe this shit."_

Jacob's thoughts were bitter, but he knew he'd made a terrible mistake_. _The Elders had agreed, not because they were supportive of me changing Bella, far from it, but because they hoped she would never want to become one of the undead.

As much as they didn't trust us, they did have some small amount of respect for Carlisle. They believed he was a man of his word, and if Carlisle said Bella would know the entire truth and be allowed to discuss her options with them before a choice was made, they believed him.

Jacob had already made up his mind that he was going to visit Bella immediately upon the conclusion of our meeting. Little did he know that she was safely tucked away where he would not find her. It wasn't much longer before our meeting had concluded. Emmett came out of hiding, grumbling about not being able to kick any wolf tail – I rolled my eyes. He was really too much sometimes.

As we headed home, I checked my phone but we seemed to be out of range. I'd never noticed it before, but then again it had been quite some time since we'd been that close to the treaty line, and with all the tree covering, it was logical to assume there would be interference.

We had just passed the official Forks city limits when my phone rang.

"Alice, is everything alright?" I asked nervously. I had assumed she would have been busy with Bella all morning.

"Actually, Bella just left. She felt the need to get home."

"Alice, I told you to keep her there," I said angrily as Jasper scowled at me.

"What did you expect me to do, Edward, tie her up? Hold her hostage?" she asked sarcastically. "You didn't tell me she couldn't leave at all. I thought you only wanted her here until the meeting was over. You need to settle down." Her last comment was reiterated mentally by Jasper.

"Sorry," I muttered. "What did you see, Alice?"

"She gets home just fine. Depending on how fast or slow she drives you'll probably pass her, but I doubt she'll recognize Carlisle's Mercedes. I suspect she'll be too focused on the road."

"Anything else?"

Unfortunately, her hesitation was just long enough to make me realize that she did not _know_ what would happen next because she couldn't _see_.

"Jacob," I seethed.

"That's certainly a possibility," Alice said quietly. "But you can't go barging in there, Edward. Bella is capable of handling Jacob. He was her friend. She knows that if she's going to be with you, she won't be able to maintain a relationship with him. She's not stupid, Edward. She understands the consequences of her decisions. She misses him nonetheless."

I knew she was right, but what she was asking of me was nearly impossible. Bella and I had discussed the wolves before. The more I had insisted on her staying away from them, the more she had dug in her heels. I was certain she wouldn't accompany Jacob to the reservation, but if he went to her house, she would be unable to ignore him.

"Come on, Edward. At least continue on your way until you spot her truck. At that point, you can always run after her, following her home if you want to be nearby to ensure that nothing happens to her. _But_...you need to let her fight her own battles. You need to stop being so damn controlling."

"I suppose you're right. I'll wait until we see her before heading back to Forks."

Eventually we caught sight of Bella's old truck. I wanted to get her a new, more reliable vehicle or, at the very least, have Rosalie take a look at the rusted heap of scrap metal Bella called a truck to ensure that it was safe. I was certain that she would not permit me to give her a new vehicle. I even doubted that Bella would allow Rosalie to inspect the truck. Perhaps I could get Rose to do it on the sly. There had to be something Rose wanted that I could give her in exchange.

"_I'll pull over so you can get out," _Carlisle thought smugly.

"Am I that transparent?" I asked curiously.

They all nodded; Emmett guffawed.

As I ran through the forest I decided to hunt and feed so that it would not be necessary to leave Bella any time soon. As the warm blood of a large buck flowed down my throat, I became aware that it had been quite some time since I had been hunting with my brothers. I missed feeding from mountain lions, but it was a sacrifice I was willing to make to remain nearer to Bella.

Eventually I heard Renee Swan. She was worried about Bella even though it was still relatively early in the day. Apparently, she would not have been so concerned had Jacob Black not been calling non-stop. He had been upset to learn that Bella was not home, but rather visiting her good friend, Alice Cullen.

It wasn't much longer before Bella arrived. She chatted with her mother, but Renee was distraught over why Jacob was so disturbed over Bella's whereabouts. After a few moments Bella made it clear that she would call the mutt eventually. I wished that she wouldn't, but recalled Alice's words. I would not force Bella to choose between us because eventually, if Bella did in fact want to remain with me for all eternity, there would be no choice. She knew that Jacob was with Leah so I would make a concerted effort to tolerate her friendship with him provided it did not put her in unnecessary danger.

I did my best to not become angry with Renee as she pondered over the time Bella and Jacob had spent together and how close she had hoped they would become. Although he was younger than Bella, Renee had wanted something romantic to develop, bringing the two families together. I shook my head to clear my own memories and the very unhappy months I'd spent waiting anxiously for Bella at the treaty line, long before she had seen me again.

I supposed I should actually thank Jacob Black. Had he not imprinted on Leah Clearwater, Bella would not have become upset that particular afternoon and gone to the pier. I might have dragged my feet for many more months waiting for the perfect opportunity which might never have come. I let my mind wander to the day Alice brought Bella to our home in Sequim and our dinner at Bella Italia. Just as I was about to picture the moment of our first kiss, his thoughts slammed into my head.

"_I can't believe it. They've already wormed their way into her life. First him and then one of his leech sisters. How could Bella be so blind in the first place?"_

I would love for him to have told Bella all about the meeting, giving me more ammunition against him, but he seemed determined to only talk about their relationship.

Bella sounded absolutely flabbergasted to see him as she said, "Hi, Jake."

"Um, hi, Bells. Wanna go for a walk?"

"_How will I get her to understand that she doesn't need him? I can't let her make the wrong choice. Does she even understand what that will do to her parents? Me?"_

"How about if we hang out on the rez today? I'm sure Leah would enjoy spending time with you," Jacob mumbled.

"Thanks, but no thanks," Bella replied sarcastically. "I'd prefer to stay here."

"_I need to get her away from here. He could be lurking around. I smell him, but it's not strong. It could be from the other day. Bella needs to come visit Mom and Dad. Maybe they can invite her parents."_

As they walked up the well-worn path behind Bella's house, I wanted to run to her. I wanted him to stay away from my precious girl. It appeared from Jacob's vantage point that he startled Bella, causing her to stumble. He chuckled silently to himself. His abnormally large hands grabbed her arms quickly.

Deep in my chest, a growl bubbled up to my throat but I swallowed it down. I wanted to remove his paws from her beautiful, soft skin, but he had prevented her from falling so I took a deep breath, hoping to calm myself.

It didn't work. At least not until Bella pulled away.

"What the hell, Bella?"

"You...startled me," she replied, backing up and putting some space between them. I was elated by her actions. It was clear she was trying to be friendly, but she truly didn't seem to want anything more from him.

_Did you expect otherwise? She belongs to you._

_And I belong to her._

I would have taken more of an opportunity to ponder this rather welcome turn of events, had the pathetic dog's voice not interrupted my musings.

"I'm sorry. More than you know," Jacob said quietly.

As he looked into Bella's face, her expression seemed confused.

"Did something happen with Leah?" she asked, sounding concerned for the mutt.

"What? No. She's fine. Why do you ask?"

"You seem, I don't know, upset?"

"I'm just sorry for not being around for so long. I'm sorry for saying that we couldn't be friends. I'm sorry that there's this distance between us now, and I'm worried it will never be the same again."

Unfortunately for me, he glanced down at the ground so I was unable to see Bella's face when she next spoke.

"It won't ever be the same. Some things can't ever be undone."

Jacob was about to comment when he lifted his head up, sticking his nose into the air. At that moment I realized I had probably gotten just a little too close.

"_Damn. I can still detect his stink from the other day. Freakin' leeches. Why did they have to show up again and mess things up?" _

Jacob chatted a bit more, but his mind was focused on me and everything he wanted to say, but couldn't for fear of reprisal. He was unsure of Bella's allegiance to me, and worried that if he did tell her what really happened at the meeting that I would find out. Bella was talking, but he wasn't really paying attention to her, and his rude behavior was infuriating.

"What's the matter?" she inquired.

Jacob shook his head. "This was a bad idea," he grumbled, looking at Bella as she stared at him. I recognized her expression – she was getting angry.

"You know what, Jake. Go home and don't come back. You don't need to feel obligated to come here. Our parents can be friends without getting us involved. You have Leah and I have –"

For a moment I thought she was actually going to tell Jacob about us, but she stopped herself. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Was she embarrassed by our relationship or just trying to keep the dog calm. She saw how he had reacted when he first recognized my scent. Perhaps she was afraid.

"_Was she actually going to throw that bloodsucker's name in my face? Doesn't she remember the stories I told her? Ugh, this is insane," _Jacob mentally fumed to himself before deciding to address Bella's apparent apprehension.

"You have who? Or should I say what?" he said angrily, but my girl was smart, much smarter than he as she quickly changed the subject.

"I have to worry about graduating so I can go to college. I don't have time for your childish games," she spat heatedly.

"_Shit, I've really done it now." _

He knew Bella well, a fact which made my stomach turn, but he sounded sorry.

"Bella, don't be like that. I'm sorry. Really, I am. I can't seem to stop hurting you."

I had listened to as much malarkey as I could handle. I needed to be with my Bella, and he needed to go back to the reservation and never return. I knew that was highly unlikely, but at least I could get him to leave. Just as I was about to head directly to Bella's house, my phone rang.

"Yes, Alice. What is it? I'm kind of in a hurry."

"No, you're not," she answered emphatically.

I sighed.

"You may go to Bella's house in a few short minutes, but not until after he has gone. Of course, I can't see what's happening, but the two of you do talk later so I know she's fine. I just have a feeling," Alice said softly. "You really need to tell her how you feel."

"I know, but what if – "

"I can't even believe you would think such nonsense after all this time. You _know _she's meant to be with you. Hell, you know she _will_ be with you. My visions are. The. Same. Nothing has changed, and you know she loves you," Alice huffed.

"Yes, you are right. I need to tell her, but I'm afraid. Do you think she will understand?"

"Edward, she understands more than you give her credit for."

"What has she said?" I asked nervously.

"Nothing really, although she asks me questions that she thinks you won't answer, but I keep telling her to discuss it with you. _You _need to talk to her. Ask her if she has any questions. I'm getting tired of waiting for you," Alice said, insinuating that she was going to tell Bella all if I didn't get a move on.

"Fine, I'll try to talk with her today. Is it okay if I go now?"

"Yes, it's time." I could almost hear the smile on Alice's face. "Enjoy your day. I know you will." I heard her laugh before hanging up the phone.

I hadn't paid full attention to the conversation while I was on the phone with Alice, but it seemed that _he_ was leaving. From his thoughts, it sounded as if he had resigned himself to the fact that he couldn't reveal anything from our meeting, and he couldn't persuade Bella to reconsider her stance towards me without giving too much away.

So for now, he was giving up.

_About damn time!_

"I'm gonna meet Sam at the diner for a bit, and then we'll head back to the rez. Take care, Bella," Jacob said reluctantly.

"_There's got to be some way...she needs to see...what she's doing...it's wrong. Vampire mating – what crap!"_

His thoughts were still vicious, and a part of me wished he would have said something, yet a part of me didn't. I needed to be the one to tell Bella – to make sure she knew without a doubt how I felt. I waited, listening. When the mutt left, Bella headed into her house.

And before I could think about it, I found myself heading home...for wherever Bella was, that's where my life was, my love, my home.

x-o-x-o-x-o

**BPOV**

I couldn't believe it was New Year's Eve, and I was going with the Cullens, more specifically Edward, to the charity ball at the hospital where Carlisle worked. It seemed so surreal as I sat in the chair while Alice fixed my hair and did my make-up. Initially I had resisted, but Alice had insisted so I gave up. What was the use in fighting if she'd seen that I would eventually give in anyway? Sometimes I wondered if she really did see certain outcomes or if she just told me she did so that I would go along with her and do what she wanted. I sighed, knowing that I'd never know the answer to that question.

I was nervous about what Alice was doing because I wasn't allowed to look in the mirror until she was finished. I didn't like all the attention so the only way I could tolerate playing dress up was to think of Edward as the events of the past few days began to fill my head.

x-o-x-o-x-o

The morning after our first official date, I woke up to Edward kissing me. I would never get tired of his cool lips on my skin as I reached up, pulling him closer to me. My lips parted, allowing him greater access as the events from the previous evening returned to the forefront of my mind, causing me to pull back.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Edward asked, backing away and looking at me for any sign that he'd hurt me. If he hadn't appeared so distraught, I would have laughed.

"I'm good," I replied. "I just didn't want to make things, um, more difficult for you," I said hesitantly.

He smiled shyly at my words. "I'm just being cautious, love, but I'm in control. And the family's back. I'm fine. Are you alright?"

I nodded and smiled as I stretched.

"Beautiful," he whispered, causing me to blush. I was still tired, unable to stifle a yawn.

"Go back to sleep," he whispered lovingly. "I'll be back before you know it."

I had been ready to doze off until I realized he was leaving.

"What? Where are you going?" I asked, suddenly feeling wide awake.

"Carlisle, Jasper and I are going to meet with the tribal elders as well as Jacob and Sam Uley to reaffirm the treaty," he replied. "Alice, Esme and Rosalie are home and will stay with you until I return."

I couldn't help suddenly feeling very anxious as I remembered Jacob's reaction to just the smell of vampires around my house. I didn't want Edward to go, especially if it was mostly for my benefit, but if they didn't renew the treaty, he'd probably stop coming to the house altogether. Without thinking about it, I felt myself frown.

"Sweetheart, why the long face? You need more sleep, and I won't be gone long," he said, his topaz eyes peering deeply into mine.

"I just remembered how Jacob reacted at my house," I whispered nervously.

"Bella, we'll be fine. We are just going to talk. We've done this before. Please don't worry. Nothing will happen." Edward sounded so confident, so self-assured. Maybe I was just over-reacting.

I didn't really want to fall asleep, but I yawned again. Edward pulled me closer to him, hugging me. He kissed the top of my head before making his way down to my forehead, nose and finally my lips. I couldn't hold back a sigh. Hot and cold meshed into warm as our lips met and I felt the now familiar twinges begin in my stomach as they traveled downward. I pulled Edward closer to me, not wanting him to leave.

"Bella, I need to go. They're waiting for me," Edward said as if he was trying to convince himself.

"No, please stay," I whispered, trying to snuggle closer. I needed to feel him. I hitched one leg over his hip. I immediately felt his movements stop. I waited for him to put my leg back to its original position, but he just stayed still, unmoving and silent.

"Edward?"

"Just give me a minute, love," he whispered.

"'Kay."

I wondered what he was thinking and what I had done wrong.

_It was the leg hitch._

Slowly, I began to pull my leg back when I felt Edward's cool hand stilling my movements.

"Mmmm, you smell divine," Edward purred softly, causing a tingling sensation to run up and down my spine.

"Oh, Edward," I gasped as he put my leg back on his hip and ran his hand up my side.

"I really need to leave. I can hear their thoughts. Emmett's ready to come up here to start teasing you." He spoke softly in my ear as he nibbled the skin on the side of my neck, eliciting a moan that I was unable to hold back.

"Bella, I really have to go."

Mmmmhmmm," I mumbled, very reluctantly releasing him.

"Sleep well, my love," Edward whispered as I closed my eyes. I spent the remainder of the early morning hours dreaming of Edward.

Some time later I woke up when I heard a voice calling to me happily, "Bella! Time to get up."

I rolled over, trying desperately to pull the covers back over my head when a cold hand stopped me. Immediately I thought of Edward and sat up only to find Alice sitting on the bed.

"Oh, it's you," I grumbled disappointingly.

"Well, good morning to you, too," Alice humphed, pretending to appear dejected.

"Sorry. Morning, Alice. Are they back yet?" I hesitantly asked.

"No, not yet, but don't worry. Everything should be just fine." Alice didn't seem as convincing as usual, and I needed to understand why.

"Um, Alice, you don't sound very sure of yourself. Can't you see what's happening?" I asked nervously.

"Don't worry," she replied, totally evading my question. "They're just going to reconfirm the treaty. They'll be back before you know it."

I looked at her quizzically, waiting for further explanations, but I got none.

As I started to open my mouth, Alice asked, "How do you like your phone?"

"Oh, um, I haven't really looked at it yet," I replied, glancing around the room, wondering if Edward had charged it. I hadn't thought to do it myself.

"Bella, what's wrong? Don't you like it?" Alice asked.

"I'm surprised you didn't see my reaction," I replied, feeling a little annoyed at the reminder of the gift.

"Well, I did see that Edward would need to do some convincing, but eventually you took it. Was I wrong?" Alice asked, looking concerned.

"No, I suppose not. It's just that – "

"What is it, Bella?" Alice asked even though the look in her eyes made her seem a hundred miles away.

"It's just that Edward gave me such an extravagant present, you know? All I gave him was my old snow globe," I retorted, feeling disheartened.

"Do you not understand how precious your gift was to him?" she inquired, appearing surprised.

"Edward absolutely loved it," Alice said, pointing to a shelf.

Sure enough, there it was sitting between an autographed baseball and a picture of me.

I didn't recall anyone ever taking a picture of me while I was at school, but sure enough there I was. I must have been talking with Angela because the only time I didn't feel annoyed or aggravated at school was when she and I chatted. I actually had a smile on my face. Maybe I was thinking of Edward. I would have to ask where he got that picture.

"If Edward had a spare phone sitting around, would it have made you feel any better?" she asked, eying me suspiciously.

"Maybe?" I replied, my answer coming out in the form of a question. "No. Not really. Either way he'd have to pay a monthly service fee."

"So this is just about money?" Alice asked and I nodded in affirmation.

"Bella, Bella, Bella. What are we going to do with you?" she wondered out loud. "You need to relax. I've seen several scenarios, and none of them play out well because _you_ refuse to understand how _we_ view money."

I tried to interrupt her, but Alice ignored me and kept talking.

"We have more than enough money to sustain us _forever_. One day, Edward will explain everything to you in great detail, but suffice it to say that nothing he gives you will ever cause any of us financial hardship." Alice laughed uncontrollably as I looked on, utterly dumbfounded.

She took full advantage of my speechlessness as she continued.

"The great joy it will bring Edward if you allow him to give you gifts is beyond your imagination," she said, smiling so widely I'm thought her face would crack in half. For a moment she was quiet, allowing me to find my voice, and I seized upon the opportunity to speak.

"But that's not why I want to be with him," I hurriedly responded. "And besides, I have nothing to give him in return."

Alice rolled her eyes.

"That's where you're mistaken," she answered, a serious tone to her voice. "You can't see the changes in Edward. You don't know what he was like all these years, but I can see it, and I don't even need my gift for this one, although it helps," she snickered. "Perhaps one day you will understand, but in the meantime, you're just being silly, and you need to stop. How would you feel if Edward had rejected your present?"

"Horrible," I gasped.

"Do you want Edward to feel that way as you reject his gifts time and time again because you're too stubborn to accept his generosity?" Alice asked determinedly.

"No. I guess I never thought about it that way. I've never really liked receiving presents because I don't like being the center of attention." I was looking down, playing with the hem of my shirt.

"Well, I suppose we can make sure Edward keeps his gift-giving to when the two of you are alone, but other than that you'll need to learn to accept things from him. It's very important that you allow him to do this for you because you each fill the other's needs in very different ways."

I began to protest, but Alice continued.

"As I said, depending on how you react to the gifts Edward gives you, very different outcomes can occur and some are not so good."

"What have you seen, Alice?" Now I was very curious, but she refused to elaborate.

"Just accept accept his gifts graciously, m'kay?" she insisted.

I had had enough of this particular conversation. I wanted to change the subject. Sort of.

"Alice, you seemed surprised by the snow globe. Didn't you see me giving it to him?" I was curious as to how her talent worked. Edward had briefly explained it, but I wanted to know more. Initially, I had been hesitant to ask, but I was a bit annoyed with Alice at the moment so I didn't feel the need to hold back.

"Well, I wasn't actually looking," Alice replied. "I thought Edward had explained this to you."

"Well, he said your visions change depending on what people decide. You see the course they're on while they're on it, but if they change their minds, the visions change," I said, reflecting over what Edward had mentioned the other night before the movie.

"That's fairly accurate," Alice mused. "Did he tell you anything else about me?"

"Uh, no. Not really. Why?" My curiosity was now officially peaked.

"I didn't think he would," Alice replied with a sigh. "Though I had hoped he would mention something about it, but I suppose he's been a bit preoccupied," she giggled.

I looked at her quizzically, but Alice didn't elaborate.

I was still tired. Alice looked a little distracted so I decided to lay back down to try to get a bit more shut-eye. Just as I pulled the blankets over my head, I heard Alice.

"What in the world are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm _trying_ to sleep," I whined. "Need more rest."

"Won't be like that forever," Alice muttered, getting my attention and causing me to sit straight up in bed.

"What did you say?" I asked a bit forcefully.

"Nothing," she replied, shaking her head.

"You and Edward can be so infuriating at times," I grumbled as I proceeded to go close my eyes, knowing full well that I wouldn't be able to sleep. If I was lucky, I could rest my eyes for a bit. Just then I heard Alice sigh.

"He'll know we talked as soon as he gets back," she murmured. "Oh well, I warned him."

"I have no idea what you're mumbling about, but I get cranky when I don't get enough rest so either tell me what's on your mind or let me be," I ranted as feelings of frustration began to overtake me.

"Settle down, Bella," Alice stated. "Let's talk."

I sat up and leaned against the headboard.

"I don't remember anything about being human. Nothing. One day I woke up, and I was a vampire."

"Is that normal?"

"No. Not at all. Human memories fade over time, but we usually remember some things, at least that's what I've been told. But not me. Don't know why. That's just how it was."

"So, you don't remember how you became a vampire?"

Alice shook her head. "Even if I had...you need to discuss it with Edward."

"But..."

"No. Talk to Edward. That's all I'm sayin'."

I sat on the bed, sulking a little, but that just made Alice giggle. I tried to act all annoyed, but after a minute or two, I started laughing with her.

"Come on. Let's get you some breakfast. Esme's been cooking."

Alice smiled as she hopped off the bed. I grabbed my robe and followed, being careful not to fall down the stairs.

I looked over the spread set out on the dining room table. "Who else is coming?"

"I went a little overboard, didn't I?" Esme asked as I took in the vast quantities of eggs, bacon, toast, pancakes, waffles, biscuits and gravy, fruit and juice. I didn't want to make her feel bad, but there was no way I could eat even a fraction of the food.

"Maybe you could bring this over to the police station," I suggested. "I mean after I finish eating," I smiled and laughed. "I'm sure the guys would love it – I know the guys at Forks PD would, but that's a little far to drive."

Alice nodded and clapped. "Fabulous idea, Bella. Yes, I can see that working out nicely."

I ate until I thought I would explode. I didn't want to hurt Esme's feelings so I tried a little of everything, but even that was too much. I finally put down my fork and knife, wiping my face with a napkin.

"That was delicious. Thank you."

"Any time dear." Esme looked like she wanted to say something and if I hadn't been watching, I would have missed the silent exchange between her and Alice. It was quiet for a moment before she spoke again. "Thank _you_."

I looked at her questioningly.

"You have made Edward so very happy. You've helped give him back a piece of himself that's been missing for a very long time. He was so unhappy, so melancholy, but now – " She smiled.

I didn't really know what to say. I only knew what he was like now, and as a particular memory flashed through my mind, I suddenly started to laugh. If they were happy with the controlling, self-righteous man who had appeared at my house telling me who I could and could not see, well – I would have hated to see how bad he was before.

Alice started giggling, and Esme appeared confused for lack of a better word.

"He was worse than he is now?" I asked through my laughter.

"He's delightful in comparison," Alice replied, chuckling.

A big smile spread across Esme's face. "Everything is relative, Bella," she said, snickering.

After a few more minutes of cavorting, mostly at Edward's expense, I decided to get dressed and head home. I knew he was expecting me to be here upon his return, but something told me I needed to go. As I looked over at Alice, I noticed the faraway look in her eyes and wondered if she was having a vision. She shook her head, appearing irritated.

"Alice, what is it?"

"Ugh. I can't see anything when they're involved," she mumbled.

"What are you talking about? See what? Who?"

"For some reason when the wolves are involved, my visions stop...people disappear...I can't see how the meeting is going because everyone is together," she said, scowling.

I gasped. "You can't see that everything is okay?" I felt my heart start to beat faster as my anxiety level took it up a notch.

"Bella, calm down. I'm sure they're fine. I just can't see when they're coming back, and I can't see you after you get home. That could only mean –"

"Jacob," I spat. "Why would he be at my house? I don't want to see him or talk with him for that matter?"

"I don't know," she said softly.

"I guess I really better go."

"No, Bella. Stay here until Edward gets back. I have to keep you safe. If anything were to happen to you –"

"Alice, breathe."

She looked at me, raised an eyebrow and smirked.

"Okay," I snorted. "You know what I mean."

Alice laughed – it sounded like bells ringing. I didn't think I'd ever get used to that.

"Go," she said smiling. "I may not be able to see, but I have a feeling that everything will work out fine. I'll let Edward know where to find you. Why don't you send him a text – he'll be happy you're using the phone."

I grinned, knowing she was right as I headed upstairs to change.

By the time I got back downstairs all the food had been packed up, and I felt bad for not offering to help. "Sorry for running out on you...I should have stayed to help clean up."

"Don't be silly," Esme said, smiling. "It's already taken care of."

"Thanks again, it was delicious," I answered as I turned back to Alice. "Everything okay?"

She scrunched up her face. "I still can't see, but I think it's good. Drive safely, and for heaven's sake, please keep your phone on and in a place that's easily accessible. The last thing we need is you getting into an accident because Edward calls and you fumble for the phone."

"Ha ha, very funny. I think I could manage – " No sooner did those words escape my mouth did I realize Alice was right. "Yeah, okay. Fine," I huffed as I headed out the door to my truck.

The drive home was uneventful. I had sent Edward a text letting him know exactly what time I left just in case the meeting finished before I got home. I had a feeling he was going to be uptight, and I didn't want to give Edward anything else to worry about.

Just as I pulled up to the house, my mother ran outside.

"There you are," she shouted. "I've been worried."

I looked at my watch only to find it was barely 10:00 am so I couldn't understand what had gotten my mother all worked up. "Everything okay?" I asked as casually as possible.

"Jacob has called several times. He sounded worried."

"Mom, you need to relax," I said, shaking my head. "I'll call him back in a little while."

"You will?" she asked, eying me suspiciously.

"Ugh, really? I'm just being polite. I'll see what he wants, but I'm sure it's nothing."

I turned to grab my bag and walk into the house when I called her. "Mom?"

"Yes, honey?"

"He's with Leah, remember?"

"Uh huh. I just hoped..." my mother sounded like she'd lost her best friend.

"You know, you can still hang out with his mom. You don't need me and Jacob to be together for that."

"I know, but things with Sarah just seem different now. I can't quite put my finger on it, but something has changed. Perhaps we both kind of hoped something would develop over time..." Her voice trailed off as she got a dreamy look in her eye. I just shook my head and continued walking toward the house.

As I walked in the door, I could hear my grandparents talking. I headed straight for the living room to give them hugs and kisses. They'd be leaving in a few short days, and I wasn't sure when we'd see them again. As I headed upstairs to unpack, the kitchen phone rang. Somehow I knew it was Jacob, and I really didn't want to talk with him.

I paused on the steps, waiting to be summoned to the phone, but after a moment or two, I continued my ascent. I was lost in my thoughts when I heard a loud banging on the door. Looking out the window, I expected to see a car, but there was none, at least not one that I could see from my bedroom window. I was about to return to my thoughts of Edward when Renee called to me.

"Bella, there's someone here to see you."

As I came down the stairs I could hear voices talking happily and before my foot reached the next step I knew who it was. My mother had apparently neglected to share that bit of information with me. All this werewolf – vampire enemy nonsense was giving me a massive headache.

As I entered the living room, my mom jumped up from her chair. "Look who dropped by to see you," she said excitedly.

I nodded, trying to smile as I somehow managed to conjure up enough energy to wave slightly. "Hi, Jake."

"Um, hi, Bells. Wanna go for a walk?" He seemed antsy. He wouldn't look me in the eyes, and I began to wonder what precisely happened at their meeting. I reached into the pocket of my jeans, hoping my phone was there, but it wasn't. I didn't remember if I'd left it in the truck or my bag, but I needed to find it. I really didn't need Edward over-reacting to Jacob's sudden visit.

"Sure. Just give me a minute, okay?" I said, heading toward the stairs before finishing my sentence. I quickly searched for the phone, but it wasn't anywhere in the room. I was suddenly worried that my phone had been left in the truck the entire time I'd been home. I hoped that Edward would not freak out and come looking for me only to find Jacob. As I thought about the possible confrontation I became nervous. I quickly ran downstairs, hoping I wouldn't trip on the way down. I tried to put on my best happy face before entering the room, but one look at Jacob told me I had failed miserably.

"Uh, let's go, shall we?" I stated.

"Sure. Nice meeting you," Jacob said to my grandparents. "Good to see you again, Mrs. S."

"Have fun, kids," Renee said, smiling.

I rolled my eyes as I walked out the door and toward my truck.

"Where are we going?" Jacob asked.

"Oh, I'm just getting something out of the truck. We can take a walk up the path if you want."

"How about if we hang out on the rez today? I'm sure Leah would enjoy spending time with you," Jake mumbled.

"Thanks, but no thanks," I said a bit too sarcastically. "I'd prefer to stay here."

Jacob opened his mouth to say something, but apparently thought better of it and closed it again. I found my phone and was sort of surprised that there were no missed calls or texts. Since Jake was at my house, I had assumed the meeting was over, but perhaps it wasn't. Maybe he hadn't been in attendance after all.

I quickly pocketed the phone, expecting Jacob to have started walking toward the well worn path behind my house, but he surprised me by being right next to me, causing me to stumble. He grabbed me, preventing me from falling, but his hands felt wrong. Too warm. I immediately pulled away.

"What the hell, Bella?"

"You...startled me," I replied, backing up and putting some space between us.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "More than you know." He looked so sad, but I didn't understand why.

"Did something happen with Leah?"

"What? No. She's fine. Why do you ask?"

"You seem, I don't know, upset?"

"I'm just sorry for not being around for so long. I'm sorry for saying that we couldn't be friends. I'm sorry that there's this distance between us now, and I'm worried it will never be the same again," he said, looking down at the ground as we walked.

"It won't ever be the same. Some things can't ever be undone," I replied. Even though I never wanted more from him than friendship, I did miss his company, but I knew that by choosing Edward, Jacob and I never would be friends again, not really. Unfortunately, that was just how it was going to be. I had loved Edward for most of my life, even if I hadn't realized it at the time. Jacob, as much as he had helped me, could never completely heal me.

Only Edward could. And he had.

I shivered, but didn't feel cold. I glanced over at Jacob, and he was looking around, still rather nervous. I wondered if Edward was nearby. I kept walking, trying to think of what else we could talk about that would distract him.

"So, are you ready for school to start again?" I asked.

"Yeah, sure," he mumbled.

Jacob seemed distant, preoccupied. His behavior was beginning to set me on edge.

"What's the matter?"

He just shook his head. "This was a bad idea," he muttered.

I looked at him questioningly, but when he huffed as if I was keeping him from something important, I couldn't hold back my frustration any longer.

"You know what, Jake. Go home and don't come back. You don't need to feel obligated to come here. Our parents can be friends without getting us involved. You have Leah and I have –"

Luckily I stopped myself before it was too late.

Jacob, however, heard what I'd said _and_ hadn't said.

"You have who? Or should I say what?" he spat bitterly. I was determined to keep Edward out of this, if possible, so I ignored Jacob's rant and continued on with my thought.

"I have to worry about graduating so I can go to college. I don't have time for your childish games," I said exasperatedly.

"Bella, don't be like that." Jacob had that puppy dog look in his eyes. "I'm sorry. Really, I am. I can't seem to stop hurting you."

"Jake, we're growing up. Our lives are headed in different directions. It happens. Even to the best of friends. I know you'll be okay – you have Leah now. I think she's good for you. I want you to be happy, but you need to let me go. I can't be a part of your life. You'll stay on the rez, and I'll be graduating and going to away to school. I'll meet new people, maybe make new friends. What we had, what we shared will always be important to me, but we need to let go. _You_ need to let go. I can take care of myself."

"Can you?" he asked, sounding resentful.

I nodded and picked up his hand. He was so much stronger, warmer, than he had been, but deep down he was still my friend and that's what I wanted him to remember.

"Yes. I know what I'm doing. Trust me."

He looked at me warily. I knew he wanted to say something so I remained quiet, listening. I waited, but after a minute he turned, pulling his hand out of my grasp and headed back in the direction we'd just come. I started to follow, but nearly slammed into his back when he stopped short.

"Wherever you go, whatever you do, just be careful, Okay?" Jacob said softly.

I nodded.

I took a step forward, when he abruptly reached for my hand. Startled by his actions, I was about to pull back when he spoke.

"I'll always be your friend, please remember that. You can talk to me about _anything_."

Somehow I knew exactly what he was referring to, and I couldn't help but wonder if he'd been at the meeting after all. I suspected he knew about me and Edward. I thought Jacob would have been a bit more vocal in his concerns and objections, but perhaps he understood.

His words and actions calmed me, bringing a smile to my face.

With that sense of peace surrounding me, we walked back to my house in relative silence, hand in hand.

"Where's your car?"

"I,uh, got dropped off."

"Do you want to come in and use the phone?"

"No...I'm gonna meet Sam at the diner for a bit and then we'll head back to the rez. Take care, Bella," he said reluctantly.

"Yeah, you, too, Jake." I smiled. I stood on the porch until Jacob turned the corner and was out of my line of sight. If Edward was watching he'd probably be upset, but for once he would need to understand. I had for all practical purposes, just said good bye to my friend. Jake knew it, and I knew it. It was possible that we'd see each other again, especially if our parents continued with their friendships, but it would never be the same between us. His life would forever be devoted to being a werewolf, protecting the reservation, and mine, hopefully, would be spent with Edward. I didn't know precisely what that meant or entailed, but I was certain of one thing. A single lifetime with Edward was not enough. I needed more.

I needed forever.

I still had to learn how I could get eternity with Edward, but there was no doubt in my mind that was what I wanted.

I walked into the house to find Renee peering around the corner, waiting for me like a vulture.

"What did you and Jake talk about? Why was he so anxious to see you? He seemed to leave in a bit of a hurry."

My mother was full of inane questions for which I had no patience. All I really wanted to do was call Edward. I had hoped he would have responded to my text by now and wondered why he hadn't.

"Um, I'm not really sure. I guess he just wanted to apologize for his behavior over the past few months." I glanced at Renee, shrugging.

"And..."

"And nothing. He's with Leah and that's it. Nothing more, nothing less." I shook my head, knowing my mother wanted more information; she loved gossip.

She wouldn't get anything else from me.

"I still need to unpack and do some laundry. I'll be back in a little bit," I stated, heading upstairs.

I smiled to myself as I reached the top of the landing. Before even walking into my bedroom, I knew he was there. I wasn't sure how, but I was certain. Edward was just on the other side of the door.

As I entered the room, I saw a flash. It startled me, causing me to clutch my hand over my chest, trying to steady my tell-tale heart. Before my eyes could focus, I was being pulled against something hard. I tried to take a calming breath when the overwhelming scent of Edward completely invaded my consciousness. I suppose on some level I had known it was him along along, but I'd never seen him move that quickly before.

"Anxious to see me?" I asked, trembling slightly.

"I'm so sorry – I didn't mean to frighten you. It's just...I've missed you," he whispered as his lips caressed the top of my head.

"It hasn't been that long," I mumbled, feeling silly for my overreaction. "How was the meeting?"

"Okay. Good. Fine," Edward replied, seeming at a loss for words.

"So...no problems?"

"Nope."

I noticed he wasn't looking at me as he placed gentle kisses all over my head and neck. I wanted to know what had really happened, but he was distracting me.

"Edward, what are you doing?" I whispered.

"Showing you how much you're loved. It's felt like days, not hours, that we were apart. I don't want to be away from you ever again." His words were so full of emotion, but he wasn't making any sense.

"You know school will be starting again. You'll have to be away from me then," I said though my voice was barely audible.

"No, well, I mean yes, but I'll be at the school, watching you. At least I'll be able to see you through the minds of those around you. I never want to be distanced from you ever again." Edward pulled me closer so I wrapped my arms around his waist, snuggling my cheek into his chest.

"Okay...but what about when you need to eat...hunt...whatever?"

"We'll work it out, don't worry," Edward said, taking my face into his hands as he cupped his cool, long fingers around my cheeks. He slowly tilted my head back as I raised my eyes to meet his. I was a bit surprised when I noticed the color of his eyes. They weren't black like the last time he got, uh, overstimulated, but they weren't their usual gold color, either. They were darker.

"Edward, are you okay?" I wasn't really afraid, just nervous. I didn't want him to run away or plaster himself to the wall again.

"Yes," he murmured, inhaling deeply. "I'm fine and you're...perfect."

Edward escorted me over to my bed, sitting us down together, never releasing his hold on me, his gorgeously crooked smile lighting up my room. Keeping my hands in his, he turned slightly, facing me.

"Have I told you today how much you mean to me – how much I love and adore you?"

"Um," was all I managed to squeak out.

"If I have been inattentive, please forgive me," Edward said quietly. "You are the most beautiful creature I've ever laid eyes on."

I blushed twenty shades of red as he ran a finger down the side of my face and then along my neck. I couldn't help but gasp at the sensations that ran though my body at his gentle touch. I tried to refocus my thoughts on the questions I wanted to ask him, the details I wanted to hear concerning the meeting he'd attended, but my body was at war with my mind.

And feeling won out over thinking.

Without making a conscious decision to do so, my hands found themselves in his hair, stroking his scalp as I tried to pull his face closer to mine. I couldn't seem to get close enough. I felt passion ignite like never before as I wiggled my way closer and closer to him. Before I realized it, I found myself flat on my back, Edward kneeling over me. But unlike the last time, his eyes were warm, and all I saw was adoration emanating from them.

"Bella, I love you," he whispered softly as he leaned forward to kiss my forehead.

"I love you," I said, my voice full of conviction.

He pulled back slightly. He stared into my eyes for what seemed like an hour. I was about to speak when he smiled and moved to sit back on his heels. Extending his hands toward me, I took them as he helped me sit up. I leaned against the bed's headboard as he took his place next to me, placing an arm around my shoulder and pulling me against him.

I leaned my head on his chest and found myself tracing patterns on his shirt over where his silent heart resided. My mind was full again with thoughts of how I could remain with Edward. Did I even have a choice or would I remain human and age while Edward was forever seventeen? I couldn't wrap my head around what loving him meant for me and our future, but he needed to talk to me. Alice had refused to discuss certain matters several times already.

I sighed.

"Bella, what's the matter?"

"I just...I've tried...Alice won't...oh, never mind," I said, feeling stupid for worrying about such things when I wasn't even sure of what was happening in the Fall, let alone next year or in two or three years down the road.

"I'm never leaving you." Edward's voice sounded determined.

"That's not exactly what I was thinking about, but it's good to know," I said, attempting to smile.

"Then what is it, Love?"

"What sort of future do you see with me?" I asked nervously.

As I glanced over at Edward I could have sworn I saw a panicked look quickly pass over his face before settling back into a calm expression.

"I want to be with you forever," he said, a loving smile stretching across his face

"I like that idea, but what exactly does that mean?"

I was excited. Perhaps I would finally get some of the answers I was seeking when I heard my name.

"Bella!"

Edward chuckled. "It seems your mother would like you to join them for lunch."

"I'm not hungry," I muttered.

"If you don't go downstairs, she's going to come and get you," he said with a smirk. "I promise I'll return later."

"Fine," I huffed. Faster than I could blink my eye Edward was out the window.

I headed downstairs, thinking of all the ways I wanted to strangle my mother for the second time today.

x-o-x-o-x-o

**AN: Well, Bella is thwarted again by her meddling mother *snickers*. Thanks to everyone who has added this story to their favorites, signed up for update alerts and reviewed. Please continue to let me know what you think – it's nice to hear from you. Thanks!**


	15. Chapter 15 Push and Pull

**DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer owns the entire Twilight Series, Edward, Bella and all the other characters we've grown to know and love. No copyright infringement is intended. **_**However, any new or unfamiliar characters in the story are figments of my own imagination. And while I'm at it . . . please know that this story's plot is all mine, too. Please do not translate, copy or reproduce any parts of this story without my express permission.**_

**AN: SURPRISE! I bet you never thought this chapter was ever going to get posted. Well, here it is and I hope you enjoy it. As for my friend and Beta, TwilightMomofTwo, I can never say enough good things, but having said that, if you find any stray or missing commas, it's all on me. I sorta hurried her along because I wanted to get this posted. *laughs* ;-)**

Chapter 15 – Push and Pull

**BPOV**

As I sat in class waiting for the bell to ring, I looked around the room. It was nearly the end of the day, and Jessica was smiling, or rather flirting, with Mike. Lauren was glaring at every girl who even remotely glanced in Tyler's direction, and Angela was talking quietly with Ben. I was slightly envious of the fact that they were together all day while at school – but at least I got one hour. Slowly, my mind drifted over the events of the past month.

I had never been a big fan of the lunch period – it seemed like a colossal waste of time. Who needed an hour to eat? Most of the time was spent socializing anyway. If I'd had my way, I would have spent my lunch hour in the library, but Angela dragged me to the cafeteria more days than not. However, since school had resumed after the Christmas break, I _loved_ lunchtime.

I could barely contain my excitement each day as Edward met me in the parking lot, or in the woods behind the school. He always brought me lunch even though I told him I didn't need it. Regardless, he insisted, knowing I wouldn't eat otherwise, much preferring to spend my time with him. And he had gotten quite good at making sandwiches.

In any case, no one really noticed my absence – except for Angela who had initially believed I spent the hour in the library. I tried to make excuses, but after some cajoling on her part, I gave in and told her about my boyfriend who had graduated early. I explained to her that he was shy and didn't want to meet anyone yet, but that he would eventually. I wasn't exactly sure if that was true, but it bought me time. Anyone else would have pestered me, but Angela, being Angela, was discrete and loyal and let it go.

For the most part.

She did tease me from time to time about my imaginary friend, but I knew it was all in jest.

And Edward hadn't missed a day.

Until today.

So Angela seemed a little surprised when I told her that I was actually going to the library. She looked at me funny, as if she wasn't sure whether or not to believe me until I invited her to come along. I couldn't tell her why, but Edward had sent me a text message before I reached school stating that he would not see me at lunch, but rather after school. I had quickly replied making certain that nothing was wrong to which he responded, "The sun." It was then I realized what an absolutely gorgeous day it was – for January – clouds were in the sky, but when the sunlight peeked out from behind those white fluffy pillows in the sky, the sun was bright for this time of the year, and that would indeed cause Edward and his family to stay indoors.

I had never hated sunshine more than in that moment.

Although Edward had mentioned to me that he couldn't go out in direct sunlight, I still didn't fully understand why. He had promised to show me one day, but that day had yet to arrive. It always seemed to be that way with him.

Later.

In the future.

Some day.

I was trying to be patient, but it was getting old.

By the time I reached home that afternoon, I was antsy. I had missed seeing Edward and was anxious for his company. Charlie was pulling a double at the station so Renee was spending the day with Sarah Black which included dinner with the Black family. She had tried to convince me to drive to La Push after school, but I had diverted disaster by telling her about homework, studying and so forth. Unbeknownst to Edward, we would have the house to ourselves until later in the evening.

As I unlocked the door, I felt an immediate sense of relief wash over me, and I instantly knew that Edward was already waiting in my room.

Before I even reached the staircase, Edward had scooped me up in his arms, twirling me around. I laughed, but when he finally set me down, I staggered a bit before he picked me up, carrying me to my room.

"Are you alright?" Edward asked, looking a little concerned as he set me down.

"Relax. I'm just a little dizzy." I glanced up at him just in time to see a smirk on his face.

"Hey – no comments from the peanut gallery," I retorted, chuckling quietly.

Edward put his hands up in front of him as if he were surrendering.

"I didn't say a word," he replied, trying hard to hold back a laugh.

Edward reached for my hand, leading me to my bed as we sat down and, scooted back, leaning against the headboard.

"I missed you today," I said, unsure of the exact emotion I was feeling. I had missed him for years, but it never felt quite as intense as it had today. I glanced down, playing with a loose thread on the bedspread.

"Look at me," Edward said, putting his finger under my chin and lifting it up so my eyes met his. "I've missed you as well – please don't turn away."

He smiled before leaning toward me, kissing my forehead, causing familiar tingling sensations to run down my spine.

I wondered if he knew where my mother was, but I doubted it. He seemed too relaxed, too calm and I was hesitant to mention it, for fear of rocking the boat. A part of me wanted him to know that although I had been invited, I had declined because I knew it would upset him. I wanted him to know that he could trust me and that _he_ was my priority – not Jacob Black.

"So, we have some time...my mother is, uh, at La Push." I ran my fingers through his hair, trying to get the words out quickly, but ended up stuttering instead.

"Really? That's nice," he said quietly. For a moment it almost seemed as if Edward wasn't paying attention, but he _always_ listened to me even when I suspected he was deep in thought.

I smiled shyly. "Yes...she won't be home for awhile."

Edward turned his face to mine as he pulled me closer, his arm wrapped around my shoulder as I leaned into his side. His fingers lightly grazed my arm as he traced patterns over my skin. I tilted my head slightly upward, trying to reach his mouth as Edward lowered his head, slowly taking my lips in his. My body reacted instinctively, my hand reaching up to cup his cheek. My lips parted, wanting nothing more in that moment than for him to deepen the kiss. Before I realized what had happened, Edward pulled me onto his lap, my legs straddling him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned forward against his firm chest while Edward's hands grasped my hips. He moved back ever so slightly, whispering, "Slowly, Bella."

I nodded, a shy smile slipping across my lips as I pressed them against his. My body felt as if it were on fire as Edward's hands moved along my sides. I scooted closer without thinking of exactly what I was doing, my only wish to get closer when I heard a low growl.

Suddenly I found myself on the bed...alone. I wasn't quite sure what to do so I did nothing, afraid to move when all I wanted was to feel his cool lips on mine. As I sat, watching Edward standing as he faced the window, I thought back to where Renee was and his initial reaction. Maybe he wasn't upset after all. In that moment, however, all confusion on my part was cleared up with Edward's next question.

"Were you invited?" Edward turned toward me, his face almost expressionless, but there was a hint of something in his voice. I couldn't quite put a finger on it, but he wasn't happy in the least. Edward leaned back against the window sill, his hands behind him.

"Of course I was…why wouldn't I be?" I replied, looking at him curiously. It was one thing for me to decline an invitation, but it was another matter completely not to be invited at all.

Edward remained silent, but I heard wood creak as he jerked his hands out from behind him, instantly standing up straight. Now it was I who was waiting for an answer, but when I didn't get one I felt the frustration beginning to build. The past month had been peaceful with no mention of wolves, vampires, treaties or enemies, and I had foolishly thought they had worked things out. Obviously I was mistaken, and I was unprepared for Edward's retort.

"No specific reason, but it's a good thing you didn't go."

I thought we had moved past this...whatever _this_ was, and his attitude was grating on my nerves which caused me to instantly cop an attitude. I should have remained silent, ignoring him, or attempted to respond calmly, without sarcasm, but I couldn't stop myself from rolling my eyes as I spoke.

"It's a good thing? Are you my father? I only mentioned it so you would finally get it through your thick vampire brain that I _chose_ not to go with her because you are important to me...more important than Jacob Black. When are you going to understand I don't want him, but you, Edward?"

I turned away, flinging my legs over the side of the bed as I slouched over, resting my elbows on my knees. My hands now balled into fists pressed against my cheeks, propping up my head. I felt the tears well up in my eyes. Why couldn't he get it?

"Maybe I should..." I paused, stopping myself before I said anything I'd regret. The truth was that no matter how annoyed or upset Edward made me and regardless of how forceful or overbearing he could be at times, I couldn't love anyone other than him. I knew the truth – I had known it on some level for years – so I refused to even pretend that there could be anyone else. Even if he left or told me he didn't love me, I would always love him.

Edward was still, unmoving and absolutely quiet. When he didn't acknowledge my last utterance, I knew he was either extremely angry or very contrite. The problem was, unless I turned around to face him, I wouldn't know which he was. Eventually I got up, walking around the bed as I kept my head down. I wasn't quite ready to see the anger, if that's what he was feeling, yet at the same time, I hated the silence. I knew he could hear my breathing and my heartbeat, I just wished he could read my mind. Maybe then he would understand what mattered to me.

He was important.

Jacob Black was not.

My initial reaction was one of reserved excitement even though Edward appeared resigned. I didn't understand why. I thought once we got past the secrets he would no longer be so concerned over how he expected me to react. And that left me wondering if he'd ever tell me everything that was worrying him. As I approached Edward, the sound of his voice caused me to glance up, halting my approach.

"Bella," he started as he sat down in the rocking chair.

I waited for more, but nothing else came. I continued my path toward him as he stared at the floor. I knew I couldn't pry the information from him – Edward was stubborn if nothing else – so I decided to prod him just a little as I crouched down between his knees, resting my hands on his thighs. I kept as still as I could in that position until finally he looked at me. My eyes were glued to his as I watched him silently.

Although difficult, it turned out to be the wisest choice because eventually he started speaking.

"There is so much you don't know –"

I should have kept my mouth shut, but those words set me off as my irritation and frustration over his continued insistence on keeping me in the dark got the better of me.

"Because you won't tell me," I answered, interrupting him as I stood up.

"Bella," he said softly, peering up at me. "Please sit down." Edward tapped on his knee, but when I didn't move, he reached a hand toward mine, gently pulling me onto his lap. He wrapped an arm around my waist, a small conciliatory smile on his lips as he continued.

"I'm going to tell you now."

My initial reaction was one of reserved excitement even though Edward appeared...resigned. I didn't understand why because I thought once we got past the secrets he would no longer worry. And that left me feeling slightly annoyed. I was so lost in my thoughts I almost didn't hear him, but fortunately something in the back of my mind was able to focus as Edward spoke.

"How much do you remember about the first time we met, when you were seven?"

The entire atmosphere in the room seemed to shift. As I looked at him more closely, it occurred to me that he seemed utterly exhausted, if that were even possible. I knew he didn't need to sleep, but he appeared as if he could have used a few hours rest – or days.

There was much about being seven I didn't remember, but seeing Edward for the first time was a memory as clear as glass.

"I remember," I said, a shy smile on my face as I recalled referring to him as my very own Prince Phillip. "Everything."

"Everything?" Edward quickly looked at me as his expression quickly changed from fear to a grimness that I remembered all too well. It was almost the same mask he wore after he lost his initial smile all those years ago.

I had not understood what caused his face to contort into a grimace all those years ago, and I still didn't today.

"Edward, what happened between the moment we met and when you mysteriously disappeared?"

His brow furrowed as he started to look down again, deep crevices evident on his forehead as he closed his eyes. I waited for him to speak, but instead he remained silent, clenching his jaw tighter. His expression was so taut I thought his face would crack into pieces. After a moment he opened his eyes, but instead of looking at me, he seemed to look right through me as he began to speak.

"Bella, the truth is that I wanted you very much."

I smiled, hoping that was a good thing, but then remembered I had only been seven. I gasped, unable to hold back my shock as I thought about what he meant. He didn't want – no, it couldn't be that. Edward was no monster. He never hurt me, always protecting me. Then I recalled the moment his smile became a frown, or was it anger?

"What happened, Edward? Why did your smile disappear that day? You seemed happy and then something changed – you looked so angry."

Edward's expression was difficult to read. I couldn't decide if it was irritation, anger or disgust. I watched him carefully as he finally started to speak again.

"Your scent was unlike anything I had ever smelled before," his voice lowering to a point where I could barely make out his words. "It was more than tantalizing. It hit me like a wrecking ball, and in that moment I felt as if I had lost the last shreds of humanity that I had managed to retain."

His head hung down, as a memory of the day I learned that he was a vampire flashed through my mind. Whatever was eating away at him now made him think that I would leave – just like he mistakenly thought a month ago. I needed him to understand that I wasn't going anywhere.

"Edward, please," I begged, taking his face into my hands.

"I'm not going anywhere. No matter what you felt or thought, obviously nothing bad happened because ten years later I'm still here. Not only that, but you've only ever been gentle and kind to me…I love you."

"And I love you," he whispered quietly. "But you don't understand."

"Then tell me," I pleaded. "Help me understand."

He gently took my hands in his, removing them from his face as he stared into my eyes, shaking his head. I was beginning to feel like he'd never tell me what was on his mind. I knew what he was and I had an idea of what he wanted to tell me so I decided to take the initiative and say it for him. Maybe then we could finally move beyond this. I tried to speak calmly, but I stuttered nervously anyway.

"You wanted...my blood...you wanted…to kill me."

Even as I spoke, I didn't fear Edward, nor did I believe I was in danger. It was very apparent that if he had wanted to end my life, he would have done so many years ago.

He suddenly leaned back into the chair, almost as if he was cringing away from me. I waited for a response, but I knew I was losing him. In that moment I realized he wore the same expression as he did the day when I guessed his true nature. It was the look of utter and complete despair. I reached for his cheek, stroking it gently in a feeble attempt to bring him back to me, but it didn't seem to help. Edward seemed too deep in his own thoughts. I leaned into his ear, whispering his name.

"Edward…"

Silence.

"Edward…" I said a little louder.

Nothing.

x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o

**EPOV**

The words I hoped to never hear…the realization that I prayed Bella would never come to…that day had finally arrived. Bella knew I wanted her blood, and that I had been ready to kill her to get it.

Today would be the date that Bella would tell me to go.

I had been certain that when she discovered my true nature, she would hate me and dismiss me without a second thought, but she had surprised me. Apparently she could accept what I was, provided I didn't behave like a monster.

But this was different.

Now she knew.

The truth.

I desired her blood above all else.

It no longer mattered that I valued her life more than the fluid that sustained her.

It was irrelevant that I would do everything within my power to preserve her humanity.

All that was left were the words I knew were coming. I didn't need to read Bella's mind or look into her eyes to comprehend the next words out of her mouth would be –

"EDWARD!"

I jerked my head, my eyes immediately scanning the room and inhaling deeply before looking into Bella's face, searching for the cause of her outburst. What faced me, however, was no supernatural being, nor was there a scared, timid girl in the room requiring my protection. What I saw was a furiously angry woman, the likes of which I had not seen since the last time Emmett blew out the engine in Rosalie's car.

"Bella, what's wrong?" No one was in the room other than the two of us so I was unsure as to why she had shrieked.

"You! You are what is wrong," she fumed as her heart pounded loudly in my ears.

I pulled her against my chest, holding her for what may have been the last time, expecting that the moment I had dreaded had undoubtedly arrived.

"Yes, I know," I replied, turning my head in complete and utter disgust, dropping my hand as I awaited her final command – that I leave and never return.

Bella sat up straighter; no longer did I feel her warm skin against my chest as she sneered. "Really? You know? What precisely _do_ you know, Edward?"

"Bella, I will forever regret that day and believe me, I loathe myself more than you ever could." I glanced toward the window as my frozen heart cracked a little more when, much to my complete and utter amazement, warm hands were on my cheeks, attempting to turn my head. I deserved to view the disdain Bella must have been feeling as I found myself face to face with a woman who reminded me of Alice after Jasper had, in jest, shredded her credit cards.

I almost didn't recognize the person behind the seething expression. I could feel the hostility as it rolled off her in waves.

"You. Are. A. Complete. Idiot."

I stared into her eyes. They had always been a milk chocolate brown, but at this moment they seemed black – nearly as intensely dark as mine when I was thirsty.

I could hear her heart pounding in her chest.

I listened to her ragged breathing.

I watched her nostrils as they flared.

I was certain no one had ever looked so angry before. Not even Alice or Rosalie for that matter.

But anger wasn't what I had expected.

Fear, yes.

Confusion, possibly.

Sadness, maybe.

Disgust, absolutely.

But not rage…or fury.

And I could not move.

My body called out to me, urging me to drop to my knees to plead with her to permit me to stay. I would not leave her, no matter what she thought. Just as I was about to give in and do precisely that, soft lips molded themselves around mine.

_What?_

Bella was…kissing me?

All rational thought instantly flew out of my mind as my arms wrapped around her tiny body, bringing her closer to me. I could feel her as she pressed herself against me, trying to get a firmer grip on my face. Without another thought I stood, picking her up with me as Bella wrapped her legs around my waist.

I should have stopped her.

I should have been appalled at the way my body was responding to her.

I should have been concerned about the venom pooling in the back of my throat.

Yet, all I could do was _feel_ how wonderful it was to have Bella in my arms.

At least until I sensed that she needed to breathe.

I pulled back long enough for her to inhale, which she did, before our lips found each other again.

After a few moments I felt Bella lean back, as she unlocked her legs. I helped her down to the floor so she would not fall, but for once it was I who felt out of sorts. There had not been fear or disgust in that kiss – quite the contrary. I had thought it might have been a kiss good-bye, but instead that was a kiss filled with passion and need. But how could she want me? Didn't she understand that I had wanted to end her life?

I looked down at Bella's face, and what I saw amazed me.

Again.

She was smirking.

At me.

Then it finally dawned on me.

She wanted me to stay, and the biggest, happiest smile spread across my typically somber face.

"Finally," she whispered, sounding rather pleased with herself.

"You want me to stay," I stated, surprised, but never having felt such joy.

"Yes." Bella looked so happy she appeared to be glowing.

Then the doubts began anew.

"But…"

And quickly the stern gaze reappeared as she shook her head.

"No! No 'buts'!" She stared at me, hands on her hips. "I love you – every part of you. I may not completely understand everything…yet," she paused, raising an eyebrow at me, before she continued. "But I will. Someday. Until then I have faith, Edward, that you will not hurt me because I believe you love me, too."

"Oh, Bella…yes, I do, so very much. It just doesn't make sense…"

I didn't want to make her angry, and I didn't really want to leave, but she didn't understand.

_And whose fault is that? _

Of course that damned inner voice would choose this moment to resurface, but for once he was right. It was my fault that she didn't know. I had kept her in the dark in an attempt to protect her. It was time for that to end. And today was a perfect day to show her.

Looking down at her, gazing into her beautiful eyes – the eyes that held me captive – I leaned forward, placing a soft kiss on the tip of her nose, grinning. Bella seemed slightly surprised at my actions as a soft blush fell over her cheeks.

"Would you like to see why I could not meet you at school today?" I asked, never breaking eye contact with her.

Bella nodded, not speaking. I held back a laugh, but the grin on my face only got bigger.

Bella blinked a few times before her eyes narrowed.

"Hey, no dazzling!"

"Dazzling?" I inquired, smirking.

"Never mind," Bella retorted, sounding slightly irritated, but I could see in her eyes that she wasn't truly upset with me.

"Shall we?" I asked, pointing to the window in her bedroom that faced the forest behind her house.

"Uh...what about the door?" Bella appeared mildly apprehensive.

"Don't you want to learn all about me?" I snickered.

Bella rolled her eyes in response.

"I was only joking," I replied, walking toward the door. Bella looked mildly disappointed. "About the window – I was only teasing you about leaving the house through the window."

The frown that had started to form upon her face slowly disappeared.

"You're not just blowing me off again, are you?"

Pulling her carefully to me, I smiled, running a finger down her cheek.

"No, Bella. It's just easier to walk out the door. Your window is a little...small." I winked at her, suddenly feeling a bit lighter, knowing that I was about to share one more secret with her.

Bella smiled as we walked down the stairs, her warm, soft hand in mine. As we approached her truck, I proceeded to the passenger side door, expecting to open it for her, but as she glanced over at me I was met by a look of amusement on her face.

"You're driving?" I suppose it was rather old fashioned of me, but I had expected to drive.

"It is my truck," she grinned.

"Yes, but…" I tried to think of the proper words. I did not want to insult her, but I had expected to drive. Carlisle always drove when he was out with Esme, although Rosalie insisted on driving when she and Emmett took her car. "It's how I was brought up. It's what I was taught. It's the gentlemanly thing to do." I knew it was old fashioned, but then again, so was I.

"Do you have a thing against women drivers?" she asked, sounding slightly miffed.

"No…no…maybe just human drivers," I teased.

"Are you saying I'm too slow?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Well, if you must know the truth…" I hemmed. "Besides, my reflexes are better than yours."

"Is that because you're a man or a vampire?" she said mockingly.

My thought was 'both' but I wasn't about to say that. Not knowing what I should say and not wanting to get myself in any more trouble, I simply watched as she hopped into the truck.

Bella laughed as I opened the passenger side door and took a seat.

"Buckle up," she said, a serious expression on her face although her voice held a tone of jest. "You know what they say about us human women drivers."

"Bella – really – I didn't mean anything by it…"

She just laughed quietly, backing up and headed for the main street out of town.

"Where to?" she asked curiously.

"Take the one-oh-one north," I replied knowing she had never been to my meadow on her own. It was a place I found while hunting. Very few people knew of this particular spot – it would have been difficult for humans to find and the terrain was even more challenging to maneuver. I was mildly concerned about Bella's rather clumsy nature, so I hoped that she would allow me to carry her. If she refused, we might not arrive until nightfall.

"What are you thinking about?" The sound of Bella's voice pulled me from my reflections.

"Nothing," I answered, trying to wipe the grin off my face. "Take a right at the one-ten and continue driving until the pavement ends."

Bella looked at me curiously, but did as I instructed. The forest that surrounded the highway prevented much of the sunlight from passing through, but I was fairly certain that at my meadow the sun would be shining brightly. Although I was still apprehensive for Bella to see the effect direct sunlight had on my skin, I was determined to maintain a positive outlook.

Bella had not run when she learned I was a vampire and much to her credit, she did not order me away or consider me a monster when she learned the truth about our first meeting and my initial reaction to her scent. Although sparkling skin was unusual, I doubted it would upset her. She was a treasure, a gem and each day I spent with her proved better than the one before.

_So, why all the self doubt?_

That was indeed a very good question. I desperately wanted to believe Alice's visions, but Bella still didn't know everything and until she did, I knew that my greatest fear, Bella walking away, would always be in the back of my mind.

"Edward, what's the matter? Why the frown?"

I had not realized the expression on my face had changed until Bella mentioned it.

"Nothing…it's nothing," I answered out of habit.

"Edward…" Bella's voice held a tone of irritation, one that told me that she knew I was hiding something, and she didn't appreciate it.

I wasn't ready to tell her everything, but there was one thing I could share.

"I hope you won't be too shocked by what you see. Hopefully you won't think I'm a monster."

I was being serious so Bella's laughter caught me off guard. I looked over at her, feeling mildly bewildered.

"Edward, you're not a monster. When are you going to get that through your head? You may be a freak, but you're not a monster," she winked at me and giggled.

I pretended to become indignant at her remark, huffing before turning and looking out the window, muttering under my breath. "I am not a freak."

Apparently, Bella heard me and found humor in this as she laughed harder.

"You find it so easy to believe you're a monster, but you get all pissy because I called you a freak?" she goaded. "You really are something else, Edward Cullen."

When she put it that way, I couldn't help but chuckle along with her. I sheepishly shrugged just as we approached the end of the road.

"So, this is it?" Bella turned off the ignition, looking over at me inquisitively.

"No – there's a trail of sorts."

"A trail," Bella seemed slightly relieved before I responded.

"But we're not taking it."

I got out of the truck, heading toward the edge of the forest.

"How far are we, uh, hiking?" she asked, sounding a little worried, looking down at her feet.

"About five miles."

"What?" Bella looked back up at me, disbelief evident in her expression. "That will take all day. Besides, I'll fall and sprain my ankle or something."

"Well, I had hoped to carry you." I grinned like the Cheshire cat

"Carry me?" she asked as her brow furrowed.

"Yes. On my back. I carried you when you were nine," I replied as memories of her in my arms for the very first time played like a movie in my mind.

"I'm not a little kid anymore, Edward," she reminded me.

"Yes, I know, and I am very glad, but I would like to get to the meadow before the sun sets." I winked, snickering quietly.

I got down on one knee and reached one hand over my shoulder, tapping my back.

"Hop on – it will be faster…and safer," I chuckled.

Bella rolled her eyes at me but did as I requested. For a moment I was overwhelmed with the sensations of her warm body wrapped around mine as I took one of her hands from around my neck and brought it to my lips, kissing it softly. As I placed her hand back, I felt her lips on the back of my head and suddenly had second thoughts about this arrangement. If I was reacting in such a fashion to her now, how would I feel as she clutched me tightly, possibly grinding against me, trying to maintain a hold on me as I ran?

_You'd enjoy that a lot._

Where did that come from? I was a gentleman, not some deviant. Perhaps walking would be a better idea.

Just as I was about to put her down, Bella wrapped her legs around me tighter as my eyes grew wide at the sensation that ran up my spine.

"Edward, I feel like I'm going to fall," she said nervously.

"Bella, I won't let anything happen to you, ever." The words I spoke pertained to this moment, but they were true in every way. I would sooner end my existence than ever allow anything to happen to her. She was my life, and I could not be without her. And I would not take some perverse gratification in her inadvertent movements now, either. Besides, I was still uncertain, nervous when it came to her future with me, but I wanted to believe that she wanted me as I did her. Thus far all evidence pointed in that direction, but I still had doubts.

_Idiot._

Perhaps I was, but I knew the consequences of that choice and would not allow her to make a decision until she knew all the facts. Pulling myself out of my musings, I reached back, placing my hands under her bottom to keep her in place, but immediately decided better of it. I knelt back down on the ground.

"Hop down. I have a better idea."

Once she was safely standing on two feet, I stood up and then reached down, picking her up bridal style.

"How's this?" I asked.

"Much better," Bella replied with a smile as she snuggled against my chest.

_Much better, indeed._

My inner pervert was severely disappointed so I knew the inner gentleman had won out.

"Ready?"

She nodded and I took off running, nearly at a human pace, although a little faster, taking extra special care not to jostle her. It was not long before we arrived at the meadow.

"Exhilarating, isn't it?" As much as I loved running, doing so with Bella curled up in my arms was wonderful. I started to put her down but she held on tighter.

"Hold on. Give me a minute," she answered, sounding a little shaky.

"Bella, are you alright?" I felt anxious – had I harmed her? Just as I began to berate myself for not thinking this plan through, her grip around my neck relaxed, and she laughed quietly.

"Wow! That was some ride. It reminded me of my trip to Disneyland. Instead of closing my eyes on Big Thunder Mountain, I kept them open. I was dizzy and a little nauseous afterward, but I'm okay now."

"You look a little green," I answered, still concerned.

"I'm fine – put me down," she smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Although her mind was silent over the years it had gotten easier to figure her out, and I knew whatever she was thinking and feeling was making her sad. My thoughts immediately turned inward – had I done something? I quickly replayed our conversation, but nothing came to mind. I was at a loss.

I peered deeply into her eyes, trying hard to find the source of her momentary sadness, but there was nothing. The seconds seemed to tick by slowly. I needed to know what she was thinking. Just as I was about to plead for her thoughts, she spoke quietly.

"Chris."

I knew who she was talking about even though she'd never told me about him. I felt my chest tighten as I watched her face go through several emotions. How I wished I could hear her mind.

"Bella, please tell me what you're thinking. The silence is deafening," I pleaded.

She shook her head.

"It's nothing, really," she answered.

"Now who's hiding something?" I retorted acerbically.

"That's not fair," she said, glaring over at me. "And besides, it's a long story."

"Not as long as you might think," I muttered.

"What did you say?" she fired back, scowling.

I didn't want to fight with her and although I did not understand her reference to Chris and Disneyland, I did know plenty about him, and I wasn't really interested in talking about the only other boy my Bella had ever shown an interest in. I inhaled deeply as her scent washed over me, calming me, reminding me why we were here. I didn't answer her, but instead dropped my jacket onto the forest floor, unbuttoning my shirt as I took a step forward into the direct sunlight.

Bella gasped, but she did not look upset, staring at me with her mouth wide open until she finally spoke.

"You…you're skin…it's sparkling…like thousands of tiny diamonds."

Instead of disgust as I initially anticipated, Bella seemed to be looking at me with awe. How could she not see that this was just one more facet of the monster that I was and yet the smile that formed across her face spoke volumes. As apprehensive as I had been to share some of my secrets, revealing this part of me to Bella felt almost refreshing, and I couldn't hold back a slight smile.

"You're beautiful," she whispered softly.

I snickered.

"That's not usually a word most men would want to hear used when being described. It is, however, a word that very accurately describes you."

Bella's eyes shone brightly before she looked away shyly. I quickly took a step toward her, carefully pulling her against me, both of us being warmed by the heat of the sun. Her heartbeat quickened slightly as she extended her hand, tracing the contours of my jaw with her fingertips.

Moving faster than I normally did when around Bella I brought her hand to my lips, kissing her palm and then each of her fingertips. As she pulled back her arm, it occurred to me that she appeared ever so imperceptibly startled. She didn't say a word, only looked at me with an awed expression on her face.

"I'm sorry. It seems the more you learn of me, the easier it is to be myself with you."

"I like it. I want to know all of you – the real you – not just the parts you deem appropriate."

My mind immediately flew to my rebellious years, wondering what she would think of the murderer I had once been. I wanted to believe she loved me, but I doubted she could love him. And yet, he was a part of me. In that moment I wished I never would have left Carlisle. Before I could say anything else, I noticed that Bella was shivering slightly. The sun was still shining, but the temperature had dropped. I felt foolish for forgetting her human frailties.

"I think we should go," I suggested as Bella nodded. "Close your eyes this time," I said, picking her up before running back to her truck.

I set her down by the passenger side door and surprisingly she didn't argue as I opened the door and she sat down. I quickly moved around the front of the truck. When I opened the door, she was snickering.

"Show off," Bella said as I shrugged. "Just hurry and get me home. I'm hungry."

"Me, too," I said joking, but realized after I said it how it sounded. "I'm sorry…I didn't mean it the way it sounded…I'm actually always thirsty – it's a matter of degree…but not for you…" I was stumbling over my words just like a human. It seemed she brought out more of the humanity in me every day.

Bella shook her head.

"Still afraid I'm going to run away?" she asked.

"Yes," I muttered quietly.

"Never going to happen," she replied softly, smiling as she reached for my hand, slowly tracing patterns over the back of it.

"You're already cold," I said as I started to pull my hand away, but stopped when I saw the dejected look on her face.

"Do you mind?" she asked as I closed my eyes for a moment until I heard her yell.

"What are you doing? Keep your eyes on the road!" she shouted, a panicked look on her face.

"Relax, Bella. I'm not going to crash," I stated, looking over at her smugly.

"Well," she huffed before continuing. "I'd prefer it if you kept your eyes on the road anyway."

"I've never been in an accident or even gotten a ticket," I gloated.

"What about when you were human?"

"My human memories are fuzzy, but I don't recall driving."

"What do you recall?"

"Not much…bits and pieces…Carlisle saved some photos of my parents for me and the home I grew up in is still mine. Well, they think I'm my great-grandson but it's still in the family," I said, laughing slightly.

"That's still hard for me to wrap my head around," Bella said as she turned to look out the window. "I'm in love with someone older than my grandfather."

"Yes, but I look better, don't I?"

"Much, since my great-grandfather is dead," she answered dryly.

"That's what happens…after a while, everyone you knew as a human dies. There's no one left to remember you."

"That's awful," Bella said, looking back at me.

"Yes, it is." My chest felt as if a vice had clamped hard around it – if I had needed air, I would have suffocated. Bella had without knowing answered my question. She would never want to be what I was.

I pulled up into the driveway, getting out quickly so I could open her door for her. She looked at me curiously.

"I was sure none of your neighbors were watching." I hadn't meant for my voice to sound so aloof, and of course Bella picked up on it.

"Edward! For heaven's sake! What's bothering you now?" She was nearly shouting.

"Bella, keep your voice down. I'm right next to you. I can hear you just fine – better than fine, actually. There's no need to yell."

"Well, then stop whatever it is you're doing."

"I'm not doing anything."

"Yes, you are – I said something and you're twisting and turning it all around until you've turned my innocent words into something I never said. You get a look in your eye every time you do that and then you withdraw from me. I may be human but I'm not stupid."

"I never said you were."

"Then stop treating me that way." She was deep in thought for a moment as we walked into her house. Bella headed straight for the kitchen, putting up a kettle of water as she prepared a cup of tea for herself. I leaned back against the wall, watching. Alice had said Bella was observant and it seemed Alice was right.

Again.

Bella was human, but she certainly seemed to be able to keep up with me. It was almost if she knew me better than I knew myself. As the tea pot whistled, Bella poured the water and then turned to look at me.

"Now there's the smile I like to see," she said happily.

Yes, it seemed there was still a lot for me to learn about Isabella Swan and I looked forward to every moment…and hopefully forever.


End file.
